Tag Archives: Clemson

Monday, September 10, 2018 – Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 10, 2018 – Monday After College Football Awards

Goodness gracious, great balls of football. As I mentioned last Friday the only game of significance was in Kyle Field between Clemson and Texas A&M. It was worth waiting for all day.

Before we get to that game there are a few other schools to receive awards. May I have the envelopes, please?

The Where’s the Defense Award goes to all of the schools that beat their opponent by 40 points or more. That was pretty much everybody of interest.

The Finally Award goes to Kentucky for finally beating Florida 27 to 16. Of course, I like any team that beats Florida.

The You Have to Play Four Quarters Award goes to THE University of Texas for allowing Tulsa to stay in the game. Yes, The Horns are back – back to just like last year and the year before that and … Texas 28 Tulsa 21. Pre Snarky Friday – Memories will not suffice for USC next Saturday.

The You Can’t Go Home Again Award goes to Coach Kevin Sumlin and the Arizona Wildcats. University of Houston 45 Arizona 18.

The most awards goes to the teams and coaches in the best game of the week.

The Poopy Undies and Where’s the Defibulator Awards goes to the Clemson Tigers and the Texas Aggies. These awards are presented to both teams for scaring the fan bases and creating needs for CPR.

The Decibel Doubting Dabo Award goes to Clemson coach, Dabo Swinny for doubting the decibel level of The 12th Man in Kyle Field would make a difference.

The Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Jimbo Fisher for screaming at the officiating crew from the Stevie Wonder School for Referring Controversy. Yes, there were bad calls on both teams, but the two worst (no flag on Clemson pass interference and then the turnover costing pylon call) were difference makers.

The Not Your Father’s Oldsmobile or Your Father’s Aggies Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies. Time definitely ran out before victory could be achieved.

The Danger, Danger, Will Robinson Award goes to the rest of the SEC from The Fighting Texas Aggies.

Happy Monday!

Friday, September 7, 2018 – Snarky Friday Presents

Friday, September 7, 2018 – Snarky Friday Presents

For your Friday pre college football weekend we proudly present The Dancing Snarketts under the direction of Lula Bell Snark.

The Eyes of Texas may be upon Bevo’s Boys in Austin, but the eyes of college football will be on Kyle Field in College Station at 6:00 Saturday night. There is only one college football game of any significance and that is Clemson and Texas A&M. It is a show time for two Land Grant schools. It will be a Bo Battle as DaBO from Clemson meets JimBO from Texas A&M.

ESPN College Game is in town. Before you ask, I am not going to Game Day. Even though Kirk Herbstreit is a favorite, I am not going to be in the pit at 6:00 AM. The team will be dining on the fabulous C&J Barbeque. Great job to the Manning Family – the barbeque Mannings, not the football Mannings.

I am certain Coach Coursehead will put the Clemson mascot head on noting a win for the team. Clemson’s mascot is one of those anthropomorphic mascots. That means it is a person dressed up in a furry costume and not a real animal. Not only is that boring, the mascot’s name is Tiger. Clemson stole the tiger mascot idea from Auburn when Walter Merritt Riggs – father of Clemson football – came to the university in 1910. FYI – The Aggies have a real animal and her name is Reveille and she has a raincoat.

Until the mid-1970’s Clemson’s mascot on the sidelines was called The Country Gentleman. It was a top-hatted character with a tiger head in a purple tail coat, with a cane representing Southern hospitality. Since the description is nearly identical to the first result when you perform a Google Image search for “pimp outfit,” one can see why this mascot when away. https://www.elevenwarriors.com/college-sports/2016-fiesta-bowl/2016/12/78234/clemsons-mascot-is-as-terrifying-as-it-is-unimaginative

Dancing on down the field with the Snarketts, the big snark goes to the weather forecast. Rain? Really? Thunderstorms and lighting and raining at game time will yield the dreaded Weather Delay.

Buck up Sissy Pants. I stood in Kyle Field in 1982 when Baylor and Texas A&M played in a monsoon. Baylor whipped the Aggies and every time the Bears scored there was thunder and lightning in the end zone. Oh well, it rains on both sides of the ball.

Please note if the field is wet, The Dancing Snarketts will not perform.

BTHO Clemson

January 1, 2017 – HAPPY NEW YEAR! The First Day of the New Year.

January 1, 2017 – HAPPY NEW YEAR! The First Day of the New Year.

“Staring down a greasy taco plate; bowl of menudo on the side… We were drinking and swinging from the chandeliers…” Ah once upon a time, but no more, but thank you Roger Creager for the memories.

Before I get to my 2017 Predictions, I wanted to share a few really cool gifts I received for Christmas. This first one came totally unexpected. I like those so much – especially when the gift is spot on!

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While the giver knows my love for cameras, what the giver does not know is that this scency is a replica of the first camera I ever learned to use at Magnolia High School in 1966-67. Imagine this happening today. The Conroe Courier gave every yearbook editor in Montgomery County one of these very expensive cameras to use for the year provided we attended a Saturday morning class on how to use it.

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Yes, photography peeps, they trusted a group of teenagers with state of the art, news reporter quality, Leica lens cameras. We were to use the camera to take photographs of school events – aka football games! Such good memories and I am going to be hitting my house with the smell good in 2017.

I liked this too. Angry Mama to clean your microwave.

mad-mama-576x1024As dirty as my microwave is she will probably explode the first time she tries to clean mine. I wonder if she comes in an Angry Mama to clean your house.

Here is a favorite. I got this combination science and magic kit. It seems that the elixir on the left has magic potions of St Belvedere. When poured properly into the magic beaker on the right, the perfect tini temperature is achieved. vodka-576x1024

I cannot wait to try it. It was gift from Pootie and Russians to commemorate taking Poland in 1945.

And now my 2017 New Year’s Day Predictions – just for the first month or so.

Donald Trump will be sworn in via Twitter.

All of the Kardashians and their exes will perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration. I don’t know what they are going to do. What they always do, I suppose, nothing, but dress up and post their photos in Instagram.

Kate McKinnon and Alex Baldwin will not perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration, but will continue to make us laugh on SNL. So love you, Kate!

Rick Perry will lead the dancing at the Inaugural Ball for President Donald and First Lady Melanoma.

Donald Trump and Vlad Putin (aka Pootie) will dance via distance learning a Bromance line dance like Cossacks that creates a viral meme at 3:00 am in the morning. Warning: Putin will be shirtless.

Dancing with the Stars will once again bring us in high definition broken down, old stars, and never heard of before people trying to learn to dance while wearing sequins and feathers.

On January 9, 2017, from Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida for the National College Athletic Association Division FBS 2017 National Championship, invented by Larry Culpepper, we have the Crimson Tide from Alabama versus the Tigers of Clemson from South Carolina. Sidebar: Thank goodness the announcers are the always professional team of Chris Fowler, Samantha Ponder, Tom Rinaldi and my boyfriend want to be, Kirk Herbstreit. Can’t wait for ESPN Game Day this fall. Please come back to Aggieland. And my prediction: ROLLLLLLLL TIDE! Like I even know anybody who even claims they went to Clemson and I don’t like orange in any shade.

Dak, Eskielle and The Boys will win Super Bowl LI (what number is this in Roman?) in Houston in NRG Stadium – home of the Houston Texans. Houston and Texan fans will hate Dallas and The Cowboys even more. Hey! For you non-native born Texans – It’s about oil ya’ll. Football is just a hobby to show off.

Time to go have science experiment, practice Russian and eat black eyed peas and cornbread. Happy New Year’s Day!

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

The College Football Selection Committee announced on Tuesday, “Who’s In?” These are the four football teams that would match up for a national championship if the season ended on Tuesday. But the season did not end on Tuesday. Nor will it end on Saturday, but the Who’s In can change.

Before we see Who’s In, let’s begin with Who’s UP and Who are you?

Who is (are) the Idiots of Sports Programming who schedule football games at 11:00 am in the morning?

Moving along to Who’s Out? – These are the teams currently deemed out of contention for a National Championship in college football. However, one or two may go to a nice bowl game while the remaining will play in lesser bowl games in prime vacation spots like Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, you can go to the casinos.

From the Who’s Out from the Small 12 Conference:

Falling backwards to yesterday, OU defeated Iowa State 34 to 24. Do not forget to “fall back” and set your clocks back this weekend.

Coming to you live from Lubbock, Texas at the unholy hour of 11:00 am on FS 1 THE University of Texas plays Tortilla Tech. Flying breakfast tacos. Tech (800x600)

This should be an offensive delight. Hook ‘Em Hippies!

At the reasonable hour of 2:30 FOX brings us Baylor and TCU. This would have been more exciting if last weekend had not happened to both teams.

On ABC @ 2:30 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State play the Wildkats of Kansas State. FYI, Ms. Navasota – Bill Snyder is alive. Love you, Pistol Pete!

Who’s In? And Who Could Be In?

Surprising all of football and delighting all of Aggieland, the #4 Texas A&M Aggies play the Mississippi State Bulldogs. This is at the ridiculous hour of 11:00 AM on the “you must pay for it with your cable” the SECN. One game at a time Aggies! Vote for Conner McQueen for President! Trevor Knight for VP. Platform: “Gig ‘Em!”

Following the Aggies on ESPN @ 2:30 the Terrapins of Maryland play #3 Michigan. Please, oh please – The Turtle and the Hare! Maryland, My Maryland!

At the same time (2:30) on ABC in the Game of Orange we have Syracuse and # 2 Clemson. Go Round Orange Thing!

Otto the Orange

At 5:00 we have an Aggie Women’s Basketball Exhibition Game with Oklahoma City University @ Reed Arena. Go Lashes! No TV, but most of the season is on SEC.

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Returning home just in time for an evening of excitement:

On ABC at 7:00 Nebraska plays # 6 OHIO State. Go Huskers. Nobody likes nuts in their cornbread and Ohio uses plain bread to make dressing. Dreadful!

But rocking Baton Rouge at 7:00 PM on CBS the # 1 Alabama Tide rolls into Death Valley to meet the Tigers of LSU. So sorry dear Tide friends – but I gotta go with family on this one! Tiger Boogie! GEAUX Tigers!

And should you still be awake at 9:30 the # 5 Washington Huskies play the Bears of Cal  on ESPN. Go BEARS!Beer Bear

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12Th Man Statue – North Entrance to Kyle Field. College Station, Texas. Photo by me.

BTHO Mississippi State!

Monday, January 4, 2016 – The Last Monday After Saturday Football Awards for this Season

Monday, January 4, 2016 – The Last Monday After Saturday Football Awards for this Season

And then there was one. There is only one more college football game on January 11 between Clemson and Alabama for the National Football Championship. Then it is withdrawal until September, watching ESPN Classic on cable TV, or watching the 2005 National Championship game over and over on The Longhorn Network.

So today is my last college football awards until kickoff next Fall. And the winner is:

The backup to the backup to the backup … Quarterback. To the Jakes, Jarretts, Chrises, the Oregon back-up, all who stepped up when the guy in front of you left for whatever reason and especially to Bram Kolhausan from TCU: All of you win the Ready, Wait and Win Award. TCU – Thank you for a game for the ages. Thank goodness I flipped back to ESPN (who else?) just as the first of three overtimes began.

So if sports and athletics teach you about life, then learn from these back up players.

  • Be ready.
  • Never give up.
  • You are the best at what you do or you would not be where you are. But there is always somebody waiting just behind you who can take your place.
  • Regardless of how good you are, or think you are, you are not indispensable.
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Photo by me – Cooper Landing, Alaska – 2014

Happy Monday. Roll Tide. Bye-Bye Coach Spavital. See if Uncle Will Muschamp needs any help at South Carolina.

Monday, November 30, 2015 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 30, 2015 –

The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

You are fired. You are hired. You are on the hot seat. We were really just kidding about Les Miles. It is College Head Football Coach Turnover Time.

Will Clemson, Oklahoma, Alabama and Michigan State please report to The Committee room? Your press conferences and commercials with Larry Culpepper and The Cheese Round for The National championship are to be taped after your Conference Championship games next Saturday. OU, you can go Sooner than the other three since they are not yet locked in and “The Big 12 wins their championship on the field.” Obviously, on the field in the ice in Stillwater over Oklahoma State.

But back to the weekend.

TCU/Baylor – The Down Pour Award – or The Siren Award. TCU, please do not employ the siren during a down pour in a driving wind and rain storm. It was the third time before I realized it wasn’t a tornado warning. I guess the Frogs really do like the rain.

Here’s to Chris Johnson III from Baylor – it was your first start; the Big 12 Title is on the line, it is played in a driving rain storm in the opponent’s stadium. Talk about Baptism by fire. Nevertheless, well done. Not even the real Vikings, let alone a former Bryan Viking could have weathered that storm.

The Palmetto Bowl – The South Carolina Gamecocks rose to the occasion to give Clemson a bit more than expected. Go UNC!

Poopy Undies and CPR Award goes to Alabama for scaring the fan base against Auburn but The Tide did bring home The Iron Bow Trophy. It was ugly but there is no room in the WIN column for comments or style points. Roll Tide over Florida.

The Best Cartoon Head Exploding Award goes to Will Muschamp of Auburn. Coach Dicktionery Muschamp also wins The Articulation Award for making his parents, teachers and church going people proud for his way with words. He “religiously questioned something about God’s dam building abilities and then questioned the referee’s mother’s coitus status” and received an additional 15 yard penalty making the total yardage for Unsportsmanlike Conduct 30 yards. Palmer and Mushburger, we know you are both stupid, but even a five year old could have read Muschamp’s lips.

Just when I was about to award The Ugly Uniform Award to Oregon for wearing green and yellow glow in the dark uniforms, the Aggies came on TV. When did the A&M colors become Butt Ugly and Black? The numbers looked like iron on foil decals. Just say no to black.

In addition to the offensive uniforms, the Aggie offense looked pretty offensive, but here’s to Tra Carson.  He’s the first Aggie running back to break a thousand yards since 2011 (Cyrus Gray) and the first to do so in the SEC. Well done, Tra. Perhaps next year you will have a real coordinator for the offense.

To the Tigers of LSU – you are awarded The Best Psych Out Award for whatever is going on over there with Les Miles. When you figure it out, let me know.

It must be the same decision makers who decided to let Three Doors Down play with the LSU band rather than give the Texas Aggie Band time.  Here’s What I’m Thinking – next Thanksgiving, you will be staying three doors down from College Station – in Hearne.

Tailgate A&M Bama 10.17.15 2015-10-17 107 (800x527)Fighting Texas Aggie Band

Well, there are 16 games left and then we begin Bowl Season. There are 40 college bowl games. I am sure one will be kicking off near you soon. The question then becomes – Who Cares? Besides Nike and Adidas?

Monday, November 23, 2015 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

 

Monday, November 23, 2015 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

We’re number 1! So are we! We’re Number 1! So are we! So who is Number One?

Trivia Question for Monday – Who is most remembered for saying “What a revolting development this is?”

Who will be number one tomorrow when The Selection Committee meets? My psychic abilities say Clemson, Alabama, Iowa and Notre Dame. YUK!

The Creating Chaos Award goes to Baylor who whipped previously unbeaten Oklahoma State to throw the Big 12 Conference into chaos. It also creates an ESPN Game Day in Stillwater, OK next week for a Bedlam Game for the ages between Oklahoma State University and Oklahoma University (OU). This game is big when there is nothing on the line. Go Pokes!

The Baylor Bears meet TCU in what once was and still might be the Showdown of the Big 12. Doesn’t matter. The Big 12 isn’t going to the National Playoffs. Larry Culpepper told me and he invented the playoff system.

Michigan State takes down previously unbeaten Ohio State 17-13. Hard to stay number one.

The What’s the Point Award is shared by Oklahoma for their one point victory over ailing and falling TCU 30-29 and Mississippi State over Arkansas 51-50.

The Alabama Junior Varsity wins over Charleston Southern by 56-6 taking home The Cupcake Award. The Varsity Tide is taking its vitamins in preparation for the Iron Bowl against last place in the SEC West Auburn.

The Big Sarcastic Thank You Award goes to Ole Miss for giving LSU a third defeat in a row. Pissing off LSU before the Texas Aggies arrive in Baton Rouge is most appreciated. Just a little FYI to the Tigers – you don’t let The Texas Aggie Band come to the game – this could easily turn into We’re All Pissed Game.

Tailgate A&M Bama 10.17.15 2015-10-17 107 (800x527)

Mike the Tiger

The Texas Aggies shut out the Vanderbilt Commodores 25-0 and  both teams win the Ugly Uniform Awards. Too difficult to distinguish between teams. Finally Chavis deserves a paycheck.

The We Almost Counted You Out Award goes to Stanford. Whatever you got, whether it is your mascot – the color Cardinal or the strange looking Tree or the crazy band. Whatever you got, get those brilliant minds going and invent something to beat Notre Dame next week.

“What a revolting development this is.” Stan Laurel to Oliver Hardy. I think they are both on The Selection Committee.

Monday, November 16, 2015 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 16, 2015 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

To paraphrase The Grateful Dead – What a long strange, football weekend it has been.

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Little Green Men invaded. Looks like a Big Green Man.

In keeping with music our awards program today is brought to you by Paul Simon’s Slip Sliding Away as we saw many teams’ championship hopes slide away with a loss.

The Awards for Championship Hopes that Slip Slided away go to:

  • Baylor lost to the Sooners of OU – 44-34.
  • LSU lost to the Arkansas Razorbacks 31-14. And the Razorbacks won in regulation with no OT.
  • Stanford lost to the Ducks of Oregon 38-36.
  • Utah falls to Arizona 30-37.

This just in – if your uniform is a variation of the color RED, please report The Playoff Committee. This includes, the top four according to Dr. Saturday – Clemson, Ohio State, Alabama and Oklahoma State. Larry Culpepper would like to see you. Notre Dame please stand by as an alternate. http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/oklahoma-state-and-notre-dame-move-up-in-ap-poll-192157357.html

Other awards go to:

The Burning Couch Award for “Couches, couches burning bright” goes to West Virginia. I know it is Tiger, tiger burning bright” by William Blake. But tigers did not burn bright anywhere except for Clemson. And I did not see how many couches were set afire with the West Virginia victory over THE University of Texas.

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SS University of Texas

TCU survived lowly Kansas 23 -17. But TCU does win the Ugly Uniforms Award. I am not sure what color the uniforms were but they did prove great hiding when you crapped in them when Boykin went down. Let’s hope he is OK. What color were your helmets? Pimp Car Purple?

The Texas Aggies who appear to continue to have a Ground Hog Day movie kind of season, win the Bigger, Stronger, Faster Award for playing with West Carolina like a catamount plays with its prey before winning 41-17.

The last award goes to the OU player who was ejected from the game for kicking a Baylor player in the facemask. He wins the Social Media Award for Poor Sportsmanship and Stupidity with his suggestion to the Baylor crowd that they have sexual intercourse with themselves. Remember Dude, the camera is always on!

Happy Monday.