Tag Archives: The University of Texas

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – And Then There Was One

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – And Then There Was One

One college football game left. Roll Tide.

Congratulations to LSU, Oklahoma State, Ohio State, and Kentucky on their bowl wins. To any fans from Pennsylvania, your teams must win their bowl games before they are mentioned.

Congratulations to THE University of Texas for their win over Georgia in the Sugar Bowl 28-21. This game was over when Bevo decided to have a pregame snack of an UGA Hot Dawg. Try that with the Miss Reveille, Bevo and you’ll be a steak.

To Georgia: What the hell? The next time you play a major bowl against a major team, may I suggest the following:

    • Bring your head to the game
    • Take your head out of your nether region
    • Use your head to play football
    • Do not underestimate a good team. Almost beating Alabama does not end the season.
    • Do not embarrass the SEC. Texas marched through you like Sherman! The tank, not the general.

To The University, again congratulations. It does indeed appear that The University (TU) is back to original form.

To the mouths talking in the booth last night and everyone else who was a booth mouth during the bowl games:

  • Call the damn football game!
  • Learn the name of the team – it is Oklahoma State or OSU – NOT OKState. You should have known that before your Twitter account exploded from the Oklahoma State fans.
  • No one cares how you played when you were playing.
  • No one cares what play you would have called.
  • No one really cares about your opinions on anything.
  • You do not need to give me the players/coaches profile from day one of their lives.
  • You do not have to fill then entire time between plays with mindless chatter.
  • I heard you the first time. And the second and probably the third time you repeated and/or rephrased what you just said.
  • Please do not refer to Sam Ehlinger as similar to Tim Tebow or anybody else. He is the pride and hope of The University of Texas and he is like Sam Ehlinger.
  • Next year go interview Bevo before the game. Maybe he will show you how the cow ate the New Year’s cabbage.

Only one more football game so it is time to move on to the bouncing round ball. Guess who has a ticket tomorrow night for Baylor and UCONN? See you, Geno!

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

It is the eve of New Year’s Eve; ah bitter chill it was. Wait that is The Eve of St. Agnes by Keats when the bitter chill takes place. That is not until January 20. We also have Alfred Lord Tennyson’s version St. Agnes’ Eve. I guess plagiarism was not as evident back then.

Speaking of saints, chills, and Tennyson, how about that Charge of the Light Brigade by Notre Dame yesterday? Half a yard; half a yard; half a yard onward into the valley of death rode the Irish. Notre Dame could not summon enough saints and begorrah to even make it interesting. At least Oklahoma tried a comeback. I told you that ND does not do well in a bowl with Cotton in its name.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Next football season why don’t Clemson and Alabama play to start the season? That can be their very own personal national football championship. Then in January of 2020 two other teams can have a shot at the big trophy stick. Other fans would like to wear tacky national championship hats too.

Tomorrow, actual New Year’s Eve starts the SEC Bowl Conference. Tomorrow we find Missouri versus Oklahoma State and Unranked North Carolina versus the fighting Texas Aggies.

These games are followed by LSU, Mississippi State, Kentucky and Georgia.

And to get thee to a summary. The entire Pride of the Big 12 Conference rests between Oklahoma State and THE University of Texas. Missouri is peaking and it depends on which Oklahoma State takes the field. But Georgia is really pissed off. Those Dawgs are mad dawgs. Run Bevo!

Tomorrow – The Aggies and UT in the Gator Bowl 1957 history. Yes, the SEC – it just means more!

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

There are four teams receiving awards this Monday as we anxiously await our rankings and our crappy bowl assignments.

Oklahoma State University

THE University of Texas at Austin

Louisiana State University

Texas A&M University

Here is a YouTube that is representative  of me, my family and friends and all the fans from the four schools listed watching our schools’ football games Saturday.

PS – Those are NOT the Aggie Yell leaders.  HEE-HAW!

Friday, October 26, 2018 – Week Nine Snarks on College Football

Friday, October 26, 2018 – Week Nine Snarks on College Football

Grab the remote; order the pizza and pop the popcorn. It is going to be a Dilly Dilly of a weekend in college football. The Snark is calling this weekend The Douglas MacArthur weekend because some teams will never die; they will just fade away after this weekend.

My watches for the weekend.

Clemson at Florida State – 11:00 on ABC – Should be no problem for the Tigers.

Vanderbilt and Arkansas – 11:00 on SECN – The Battle of the Really Bad Football Teams in the SEC.

Florida and Georgia – 2:30 on CBS – In the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, somebody fades away after this one. The lead in the SEC West is at stake.

Iowa and Penn State – 2:30 on ESPN – Penn State QB, Trace McSorley is so cute. This should not result in a Poopy Undies Award for PSU, but we shall see.

Kentucky and Missouri – 3:00 on SECN – Just a reminder, Texas A&M beat Kentucky. So why are the Wildcats still in the picture? Please, Missouri, do not wear those ugly, yellow, banana looking uniforms.

Texas and Oklahoma State – 7:00 ABC – T. Boone Pickens could be very interesting come 7:00. Pistol Pete is waiting for you Bevo. The slamming paddles are going to be like mayonnaise on a hot day and spoil it for you, Horns. Go Pokes!

Navy at Notre Dame – 7:00 on CBS – Anchors Away with hope. If ND sinks, then so do their chances.

My watch will be the Battle of the Maroons and Whites in Starkville. Texas A&M versus Mississippi State at 6:00 on ESPN. Trash talk to the Bulldogs– Reveille is both prettier and smarter than Bully. The Aggies have more than one offensive play. Our quarterback can run better than yours. These are not last season’s Aggies. My boyfriend, Traveon, will rush for 100 plus yards. The cowbells will not ring!

BTHO Mississippi State! WHOOP!

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Let’s begin with the Big 12 Conference, which is really only 10, but that conference name was already taken.

In the TCU Turnover Game last night against Texas Tech, the Tech QB, Jett Duffey scored the winning touchdown giving Tech a 17-14 victory. To the best of my knowledge I am not related to the young freshman quarterback as I have not done an ancestor spit test. But he is from Mansfield, Texas and that is very close to Louisiana.

Tomorrow, of slight interest we find that the Cowboys of Oklahoma State drew the black bean and play Kansas State at 11:00 on ESPNU. Yawn.

At 6:00 on FS1 the West Virginia Mountaineers travel to Ames to meet Iowa State in the What Other Games Are On contest.

Sandwiched in the middle at 2:30 on ESPN we find the Bears of Baylor and the Horns of Texas. It is THE University versus THEE University in the Battle of Road Construction on I-35. The Bears will need a miracle, but hey it has happened before.

Moving on. At 11:00 on FS1 it is Ohio State and Minnesota. Ugly uniforms on both sides.

On ESPN at 11:00 it is Florida and Vanderbilt. The poor state of Florida got slammed by Hurricane Michael. When your peninsula divides into two parts will it be like Michigan? Or will one of the land masses declare independence?

On SECN we have a pissed off for last week’s loss against Mississippi State Auburn  and Tennessee at 11:00 on the SECN. Wish that I was there on Rocky Top…

The 2:30 time slot is once again this weeks’ game winner.

There is Michigan State vs Penn State on the BTN. I was unaware there was a Big Ten Network. The Big 12 has a network too. It is called The Longhorn Network and it does not share. It also only has commercials with has been players. But you can watch the 2005 Rose Bowl as many times as you want.

I will be getting carpel thumb syndrome as I switch between games at 2:30. It is LSU and Georgia on CBS in the Redeemer and Validation Game. Come on Mike, show us what you got. GEAUX TIGERS!

The other time slot finds the Fighting Texas Aggies versus the Gamecocks of South Carolina on SECN. Note to Uncle Will Muschamp – You will really have to work to get an Exploding Head Coach Award on Monday in order to beat Gary Patterson of TCU last night. Yes, there will be a photo on Monday. And yes, Gary, those pants make your butt look big. This just in from Reveille “I am not sitting for a photo op with the chicken. But I can chase it off the field if you like.”

At 6:00 on ESPN the Tide of Alabama rolls over and drowns the Tigers of Missouri. If Missouri scores 31 points on the Alabama defense, I’m pretty sure Coach Saban’s head will explode too.

I actually had a Nick Saban moment yesterday. Suddenly while in Academy I heard,

“Young Lady? Are you really going to spend almost $40.00 for that Astros T-shirt? Something that you might wear once or twice at tops?”

Me: Yeah. You’re probably right.

Saban: I probably am.

Me: I’ll wait for the 2018 World Series Winners T-shirt.”

Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox on TBS at 7:09.

BTHO South Carolina!

Saturday Socks.

Monday, October 1, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Five

Monday, October 1, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Five

Here we go.

Alabama 56 Louisiana 14 – I don’t know why Alabama calls its mascot The Crimson Tide. They should call it The Crimson Tsunami. Nevertheless the Cajuns could not get it raging against as the Tide rolled over them. I award Nick Saban and the team The Steam Roller Award.

West Virginia 42 Texas Tech 34 – The Almost Heaven; Burning Couches Award goes to the West Virginia Mountaineers. I so love it when Tech loses.

OU 66 Baylor 33 – The Award for Just Showing Up goes to Baylor. Obviously, Murry and the Sooners were not looking ahead.

Texas 19 K-State 14 – Really? A good away win, but it is still Kansas State. I award the Horns of THE University of Texas the Remember There Are Four Quarters to Play trophy. This will not hook em in Dallas next weekend.

Florida 13 Mississippi State 6 – Chomp! To the Bulldogs of State I give you The Calendar Award. Women’s basketball season starts soon.

LSU 45 Ole Miss 16 – I award the Tigers of LSU The Cake Award. That victory was a piece of cake. I would also like to award the Ole Miss Coach the Ugly Coaching Outfit Award. That large of a shade of red rain gear took up a large portion of my screen.

Notre Dame 38 Stanford 17 – The Not Close and No Cigar Award goes to Stanford. When did Notre Dame take mustard as one of its colors? What is the color of the ND called? Metallic Mustard? Those looked radioactive. Award to ND – Ugly Uniforms.

Ohio State 27 Penn State 26 – For the fans of Penn State, you not only receive The Poopy Undies Award, you also receive awards for

  • The release of several bodily fluids that accompany fits of anger and disbelief.
  • The fluid release of curse words streaming from your mouth fit to embarrass the 7th Fleet Navy Fleet
  • The Dreaded Threaded Incline Plane Award – Screwed.

Texas A&M 24 – Arkansas 17 – Also receiving multiple awards are The Aggies. First we have the Pig Sty Award. That performance looked awful. I don’t want to be singing “We are the same Aggies; the same Aggies are we.” I was not happy.

Also not happy – The Aggies receive the award for Unhappy In Your Face Coach. If Jimbo ain’t happy, then nobody is happy. I doubt Mr. Tyrel Dodson will ever make that mistake again. Note: #25 Tyrel Dodson said “I deserved it.”

https://youtu.be/th68HGl30CU 

Even Reveille was not happy. “I did not sign up to sit by the pig. He stinks. I want to go home.”

The final award goes to Arkansas for the inflatable mascot. Worst Representation of Something. That is just wrong. As if the hog head hat was not enough now there is a mascot with a turd tail.

 

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Review: I write about the teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

So On Wisconsin to accept your Poopy Undies Award for losing to BYU 21-24.

The Wisconsin kicker who missed the game tying field goal to go to overtime receives The Hooked Left Award. This comes with a Bless Your Heart Certificate.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Tigers of LSU and their fans. Nevertheless, a win over Auburn is worth it.

The Best Kick of the Day goes to the LSU kicker for kicking the game winning field goal with two seconds on the clock. LSU 22-Auburn 21.

It was not close enough for Poopy Undies but I am awarding the Grab Your Beads Award to Notre Dame for allowing Vanderbilt to come close. ND – 22 Vandy 17.

The One Kick Off Wonder Award goes to Ole Miss for their one and only score against Alabama. Tide 62 – Ole Miss 7. Rumors abound that Coach Saban put in the women’s soccer team; the tuba section of the band and two cheerleaders in the fourth quarter.

Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi State all share the We Scored Lots of Points and Win Big Award.

Baylor lost to Duke in what was not even close in The Baptists and Blue Devil Bowl. BU 27 Duke 40. I supposed the Blue Devil thing extends beyond Wake Forest. (See last Friday) It will be ok; Baylor, Kansas is next weekend. What? Kansas scored 55 points against Rutgers? I don’t know if Kansas scored 55 points last season in four games. Rock Chalk Jayhawk could cause some problems in Waco land.

Congrats to THE University of Texas for their win over USC 37 -14. However, I award the Horns The Ugly Uniform Award. Tradition is one thing, but uniforms that look like 1956 are another. They just look old.

Ohio State achieved The Revenge on The Little Sisters of the Poor Award by a 40 to 28 win over TCU. Watch out Texas the Frogs will be spitting mad next weekend. And their uniforms are prettier.

The Best Play of Any Football Game of the Weekend Award goes to University of North Texas for the fake fair catch and then touchdown run. Even if you have seen it, it is still fun to watch. The School Yard Play Award to UNT!

That means Arkansas gets The Our Face is as Red as Our Uniforms Award. Meanwhile the Eagles turned the Arkansas Hogs into a pig sty with a 44 to 17 win.

https://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2018/9/16/17864636/north-texas-fake-fair-catch-punt-return-td

The Throw Back to Last Year Award goes to the Texas Aggies. You looked like last year’s Aggies. This will not play well in Tuscaloosa next weekend. However, let us not forget the Aggies had FOUR touchdowns recalled. The score ended 48 to 10 over University Louisiana Monroe.

My last award of the day goes to the two mouths talking in the SEC announcer booth for the Aggies and Monroe game. Quite simply – YOU BOTH SUCK! You are supposed to call the football game. Instead you spent the entire fourth quarter talking:

  • Over the referee’s calls
  • While players are injured on the field
  • About personal stories of people and things nobody knows or cares about
  • Your impressions of all the Aggie and Warhawk football players you met during the week

With each play, instead of calling the play, you both gave your biased analysis of how that play or that player will do against Alabama next week. Granted, I do not know Coach Nick Saban. But here’s what I’m thinking. If Coach Saban wanted or needed your opinions, he would have already asked you and you would not be sitting in an announcing both doing a crappy job.

Monday, September 10, 2018 – Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 10, 2018 – Monday After College Football Awards

Goodness gracious, great balls of football. As I mentioned last Friday the only game of significance was in Kyle Field between Clemson and Texas A&M. It was worth waiting for all day.

Before we get to that game there are a few other schools to receive awards. May I have the envelopes, please?

The Where’s the Defense Award goes to all of the schools that beat their opponent by 40 points or more. That was pretty much everybody of interest.

The Finally Award goes to Kentucky for finally beating Florida 27 to 16. Of course, I like any team that beats Florida.

The You Have to Play Four Quarters Award goes to THE University of Texas for allowing Tulsa to stay in the game. Yes, The Horns are back – back to just like last year and the year before that and … Texas 28 Tulsa 21. Pre Snarky Friday – Memories will not suffice for USC next Saturday.

The You Can’t Go Home Again Award goes to Coach Kevin Sumlin and the Arizona Wildcats. University of Houston 45 Arizona 18.

The most awards goes to the teams and coaches in the best game of the week.

The Poopy Undies and Where’s the Defibulator Awards goes to the Clemson Tigers and the Texas Aggies. These awards are presented to both teams for scaring the fan bases and creating needs for CPR.

The Decibel Doubting Dabo Award goes to Clemson coach, Dabo Swinny for doubting the decibel level of The 12th Man in Kyle Field would make a difference.

The Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Jimbo Fisher for screaming at the officiating crew from the Stevie Wonder School for Referring Controversy. Yes, there were bad calls on both teams, but the two worst (no flag on Clemson pass interference and then the turnover costing pylon call) were difference makers.

The Not Your Father’s Oldsmobile or Your Father’s Aggies Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies. Time definitely ran out before victory could be achieved.

The Danger, Danger, Will Robinson Award goes to the rest of the SEC from The Fighting Texas Aggies.

Happy Monday!

Friday, August 31, 2018 – Snarky Friday

Friday, August 31, 2018 – Snarky Friday

Happy Snarky Football Friday. Last night we had the opportunity to see two schools’ fund raisers to fund their entire athletic department. Pistol Pete and the Cowboys of Oklahoma State beat Missouri State 58-17. That Mullet is looking good, Mike.

Kyle Field 8.30.18 Photo by KB

Of course my eyes were glued to the Texas Aggies versus Northwestern State. I told you, Demons, that Kyle Field was loud. Three false starts in a row on the first series. Twelfth Man.

Of course we all held our breath when Northwestern scored in the Fourth Quarter. So what if the Aggies were ahead 50+ to zero. Final score Aggies 59 and Northwestern 7 plus a large percentage the gate receipts like Missouri State gets.

In the horrible 11:00 AM spot on Saturday we have following games with teams who must have done something back to get stuck here.

In the O-State battle we find Ohio State and Oregon State on ABC. The Beavers and Suspension.

Also at the non-football game time of 11 am we find THE University of Texas and Maryland on FS 1. Was it really necessary to throw Texas coach, Tom Herman, under that bus because he went to a strip club with the domestic abuser? What are you trying to do? Go dot your “I” with a tuba, Ohio State.

Hotty Totty, God Almighty! On ESPN we have the Rebels of Old Miss and the Raiders of Texas Tech. I do not think you are allowed to throw tortillas at NRG Stadium in Houston or write graffiti on the buses, Tech.

The Sooners of Oklahoma and QB Kyler Murray take on FAU (whoever that is and I’m too lazy to look it up) on FOX. I hope Murray has gained some weight. When he played for Texas A&M, he looked like he was one tackle away from a body cast.

Clemson and Furman kickoff at 11:20 on ACC Network. Come on Furman Paladins. Hope Clemson is looking ahead to next week.

The dogs are let out at 2:30 when the Washington Huskies meet the Auburn Tigers. This could be big for both the PAC 12 and the SEC conferences. It’s on ABC.

Opposite on CBS we find the Georgia Bulldogs playing the Austin Peay Governors. UGA going to peay all over the Governors.

Speaking of bulldogs. At 6:30 on ESPNU it’s the Lumberjacks of Stephen F. Austin and the Mississippi State Bulldogs. I must root for SFA since I have papers from there. However, I fear that Bullie will pee on the pines before the Jacks can give them the Ax.

In the big game, the Tide comes rolling in as Alabama and Louisville kickoff at 7:00 on ABC. In a Snark closing, I would like to say the following to all of the sports mouths. Nick Saban will decide who starts at quarterback for Alabama. All of you mouths are just speculating. I’m sure if Coach Saban needs your input he will call you. Roll Tide.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018 – Star Trek and the CWS From The Bridge

Tuesday, June 12, 2018 – Star Trek and the CWS From The Bridge

Captain’s Log – Star Date – 06.12.2018 – From the bridge of the USS My House

It arrived this morning! A piece of furniture that can charge my cell phone, tablet and laptop – all at the same time. Can you believe – furniture that plugs into the wall. It has a wireless switch over in the event the electricity goes out.

Please know that between this high tech love seat and my new high tech bed that I may never leave my house again. Also because after purchasing these two items I have no funds to go anywhere.

This weekend, from one of these vantage points, I will watch the College World Series – also known as The SEC Conference versus the Big 12 Conference with a few other schools thrown in to round out the bracket.

So who will I root, root, root for this weekend from reclines of the techno furniture? This is the final series I would like to see. THE University of Texas versus Mississippi State! If the Texas Aggies are not playing, then I’m going with the other SEC team of maroon and white and with a dog mascot. GO STATE!