Tag Archives: The University of Texas

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Welcome to the official COVID Asterisk College Football Season * We all know that whichever teams win whatever conferences and championships there will be an ASTERISK placed by their name. This due to the fact that players and coaches and other personnel are risking their assters by playing during a global pandemic. Some teams will play eight games; some will play nine; some will be postponed; some will be cancelled and so forth and so on. Like the virus, we just don’t know what will happen.

It is a season of reduced stadium capacities, cardboard fans, no tailgating, no bands and no cheer or yell leaders. Everybody on the sidelines will be wearing a mask. Referees will use their hand-held screeching device to signal starts and stops. This affords no spitting in the wind via blowing a whistle. With the presidential debates next week, I think the moderators should use a similar device. Maybe even a bull horn to shut the candidates up when their time expires.

Who plays whom and when?

The Breakfast Bunch of games at 11:00 AM are

  • Kansas State and Oklahoma on FOX in The Boomer Sooner Roll Over the Wildkats Bowl.
  • Florida and Ole Miss on ESPN in The Florida Scrimmage Bowl. It will be scrimmage for the Gators and not so much a game for the Rebels. Start the cocktails early in The Grove.
  • Kentucky and Auburn on the SEC Network in The Hill Billy Bowl. Enough said.

During the afternoon hours at the 2:30 time slot we find Mike Leach debuting as coach of the Mississippi State Bulldogs against the LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge. Watch for the Red Stick and Tigers to beat up Mike and the Bulldogs. Mikee, the stadium is called Death Valley for a reason and there are no pirates. GEAUX Tigers! Sorry, Elf and Big Solid.

Also at 2:30 we have THE University of Texas on the plains of Lubbock taking on Texas Tortilla Tech on FOX. Tech may not have a good season, but you can bet the Red Raiders will be up for Banjo Boy and the Longhorns. BEVO may catch a flying tortilla on his horns. 

West Virginia and Oklahoma State at 2:30 on ABC. Big time for the Cowboys and The Mountaineers. I hope the game is equally big time. Go Pokes!

The Georgia Bulldogs bring UGA, their mascot to meet Tusk the Razorback and the Hogs of Arkansas on the SEC Network – at least a virtual mascot meet. All mascots must wear masks and remain six feet apart. Lots of screaming red on the field, but the win goes to UGA big time.

It is now the evening and time for the big-time games. The evening starts with Alabama and Missouri on ESPN at 6:00. Saban’s Boys will roll the TIDE over Mizzu like a bulldozer on a black top tar road. If there were bands, the Alabama band could play the last quarter.

Baylor and Kansas on ESPNU at 6:30. PU is right. This will be a game of brightly colored team uniforms with low expectations. Come on. It’s Kansas. They play basketball.  Sic ‘Em, Bears!

My game of course will be Texas A&M and Vanderbilt on the SEC Alternate at 6:30. There will be no half-time performance by The Fighting Texas Aggie Band. In fact, the band will not even be in the stands. On Thursday evenings the band does a dress rehearsal and it is videoed. On game day, the percentage of fans allowed into Kyle Field and the cardboard fans will get to see the band on the big screen.

Friday’s Midnight Yell Practice is virtual. I am not certain how this is going to work. Am I supposed to stand in my living room, hump it and yell?

A! G! G! I! E! S! WHOOP! GIG ‘EM AGGIES! We shall see.

*****

WEAR THE MASK so this will be the only ASTERICK football season!

BTHO Vanderbilt!

*All games subject to COVID.

Monday, September 21, 2020 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, September 21, 2020 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Let’s start with the major college football award – The COVID Trophy. This goes to the teams who postponed, canceled and/or stayed home. This includes, Baylor, University of Houston, Charlotte, North Carolina, BYU and Army.

Other teams that we have little interest in all won big over their opponents, so I award them Wait Until You Play a Real Football Team Award. This begins next week.

Real football begins on Saturday with the six SEC schools of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, LSU, Auburn, and Texas A&M plus four other schools ranked in the top 10. Two from the Big 12 Conference and two teams from the ACC, if you count Notre Dame.

Why are former Blue Bloods like Notre Dame and THE University of Texas listed? Oh I remember, they only play teams like the Our Sisters of Perpetual Disappointment.

I see the Big 10 Conference has also decided to join the Road Trip to Whatever the Championship will look like. Nobody says snarky football better than SEC Shorts. Enjoy both.

The Road Trip

And Blue Bloods. How many days has it been TU?

Stay safe. Stay Strong. Wear a mask.

Friday, August 23, 2019 – It’s Snarky Friday Kickoff

Friday, August 23, 2019 – It’s Snarky Friday Kickoff

It is the official kickoff of Snarky Friday – my college football comments before Saturday’s big games. We must begin today as the Texas Aggies open next Thursday against Texas State University – formerly Southwest Texas State University.

Oh the joys of traffic for a week day football game. Classes are just beginning at Texas A&M, Blinn College and the school districts of the Brazos Valley. No one knows where they are going. No one knows how to drive. Tailgating on east and west campuses. RVs and tents and corn hole matches dominating the land surrounding Kyle Field. 30,000 people in town Wednesday for Midnight Yell. But I am excited and already have my maroon out shirt. Every game is a maroon out game.

In other Aggie news. The 12th Man of the Aggie football team is Braden White. He is from Florence Alabama. What do you think about that, Nick? Jimbo trying a little psych out maybe? See you October 12.

I now have access to the ACC Network because I am a loyal customer – aka subscribes to all of the other sports channels. For those only familiar with the LHN, other conferences share and fans have the benefit of seeing many more schools play many more sports.

And now to the meaningless college football ratings. I see that THE University of Texas is rated number 10 in several polls. The Horns should rip through the mediocre Big 12 Conference. We shall see if they can hold on to that ranking. September 7 and October 12 should take care of it. Prepare yourself to hear Tiger Rag and Boomer Sooner ad nausea. The road to the National Championship runs through the SEC, OU and Clemson.

I see where Baylor University and The University of Mississippi will play in Houston in 2020. Well, “Hotty Toddy, God Almighty!” Am I the only one who finds it ironic that Baylor, the largest Baptist school on the planet, with no drinking is playing Ole Miss where alcohol is consumed like water and the drinking age in Mississippi is 10?

And then Old Miss fans do the Toddy Chant.

Are You Ready?

Hell Yeah! Damn Right!

Hotty Toddy, God Almighty,

Who The Hell Are We? Hey!

Flim Flam, Bim Bam

Ole Miss By Damn!

Nothing like cussing in your yell when Ole Miss plays Baylor. Maybe the Rebels will dance too.

I am so ready for it all. Kick-off is only days away. Must get prepared for it. Note to self – pick up Bloody Mary mix and vodka for 11:00 am games, beer for 2:30 games, and wine for 6:00 games. Yes, a case of each. That should hold me through the Aggie-Clemson game.

BTHO Texas State!

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Sometime over this weekend someone will post the number of Saturdays, the actual number of days, and the hours and minutes until college football kickoff. It might be me, but it could any one of you anxiously waiting for our favorite teams to fill the weekend TV screens.

Media Days began on Monday, July 15, and marked the unofficial start of college football season. Therefore, we have the start of Unofficial Snarky Friday. Snarky Friday is where I post my snarky comments regarding college football.

Media Days is the week when representatives from the NCAA Division I football conferences congregated in front of the media. Coaches and young men appear all dressed up, speak and answer questions from various sports media outlets.

This is the time where you hear words and phrases such as:

  • One game at a time
  • Big shoes to fill at that position
  • Big number of starters returning
  • Outstanding freshman
  • Seasoned quarterback
  • Alabama keeps whining (hey I am just paraphrasing ESPN)
  • New head coach and
  • A most difficult schedule.

As you know this blog is about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Let’s first take a look at the Big 12 – Really Only 10 – Conference. It consists of THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University, seven other schools and Kansas that prays for basketball season to arrive. The Red River Rivalry is going to be fun, fun, fun. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Jalen Hurts won the Heisman?

Now to the – It Just Means More Conference – the SEC. I conducted a comparative analysis of the Texas Aggie Football Schedule and the SEC media days. Here’s what I’m thinking:

Media Day Schools – July 15

Florida – Do Not Care

Missouri – Really Do Not Care

LSU – Happy Thanksgiving! November 30. I shall wear my 7 OT Shirt from last year’s victory.

Media Day Schools – July 16

Mississippi – October 19 – Off to Oxford.

Tennessee – Nope!

Texas A&M – Significantly biased

Georgia – Oh crap! November 23 in Athens and seven days before LSU!

Media Day Schools – Wednesday, July 17

Arkansas – OMG! Winter is coming! September 28 in Arlington with a possibility of Nick Starkle at QB!

I am not sitting next to the damn pig this year.

Alabama – OMG! Winter is coming! October 10. Twelfth Man in the Stands! And in the streets and the whole Brazos Valley.

Mississippi State – OMG! Winter is coming! And so are the cowbells. October 26.

South Carolina – OMG! Winter is coming! But the only chicken we like is the Dixie Chicken.

Media Day Schools – Thursday, July 18

Auburn – September 21 – September 21 – the first of the three A’s. (Auburn, Arkansas and Alabama)

Kentucky – Do Not Care

Vanderbilt – Do Not Care

I am not aware if football schedules are given names that parallel similar physical events. But if so, I would like to name the Texas Aggie football schedule the following:

The 2019 Texas Aggie Football Root Canal, Gynecological/Prostate Exam and Hot Water Enema Schedule

Did I mention the Aggies play Clemson on September 7?

 

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – And Then There Was One

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 – And Then There Was One

One college football game left. Roll Tide.

Congratulations to LSU, Oklahoma State, Ohio State, and Kentucky on their bowl wins. To any fans from Pennsylvania, your teams must win their bowl games before they are mentioned.

Congratulations to THE University of Texas for their win over Georgia in the Sugar Bowl 28-21. This game was over when Bevo decided to have a pregame snack of an UGA Hot Dawg. Try that with the Miss Reveille, Bevo and you’ll be a steak.

To Georgia: What the hell? The next time you play a major bowl against a major team, may I suggest the following:

    • Bring your head to the game
    • Take your head out of your nether region
    • Use your head to play football
    • Do not underestimate a good team. Almost beating Alabama does not end the season.
    • Do not embarrass the SEC. Texas marched through you like Sherman! The tank, not the general.

To The University, again congratulations. It does indeed appear that The University (TU) is back to original form.

To the mouths talking in the booth last night and everyone else who was a booth mouth during the bowl games:

  • Call the damn football game!
  • Learn the name of the team – it is Oklahoma State or OSU – NOT OKState. You should have known that before your Twitter account exploded from the Oklahoma State fans.
  • No one cares how you played when you were playing.
  • No one cares what play you would have called.
  • No one really cares about your opinions on anything.
  • You do not need to give me the players/coaches profile from day one of their lives.
  • You do not have to fill then entire time between plays with mindless chatter.
  • I heard you the first time. And the second and probably the third time you repeated and/or rephrased what you just said.
  • Please do not refer to Sam Ehlinger as similar to Tim Tebow or anybody else. He is the pride and hope of The University of Texas and he is like Sam Ehlinger.
  • Next year go interview Bevo before the game. Maybe he will show you how the cow ate the New Year’s cabbage.

Only one more football game so it is time to move on to the bouncing round ball. Guess who has a ticket tomorrow night for Baylor and UCONN? See you, Geno!

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

It is the eve of New Year’s Eve; ah bitter chill it was. Wait that is The Eve of St. Agnes by Keats when the bitter chill takes place. That is not until January 20. We also have Alfred Lord Tennyson’s version St. Agnes’ Eve. I guess plagiarism was not as evident back then.

Speaking of saints, chills, and Tennyson, how about that Charge of the Light Brigade by Notre Dame yesterday? Half a yard; half a yard; half a yard onward into the valley of death rode the Irish. Notre Dame could not summon enough saints and begorrah to even make it interesting. At least Oklahoma tried a comeback. I told you that ND does not do well in a bowl with Cotton in its name.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Next football season why don’t Clemson and Alabama play to start the season? That can be their very own personal national football championship. Then in January of 2020 two other teams can have a shot at the big trophy stick. Other fans would like to wear tacky national championship hats too.

Tomorrow, actual New Year’s Eve starts the SEC Bowl Conference. Tomorrow we find Missouri versus Oklahoma State and Unranked North Carolina versus the fighting Texas Aggies.

These games are followed by LSU, Mississippi State, Kentucky and Georgia.

And to get thee to a summary. The entire Pride of the Big 12 Conference rests between Oklahoma State and THE University of Texas. Missouri is peaking and it depends on which Oklahoma State takes the field. But Georgia is really pissed off. Those Dawgs are mad dawgs. Run Bevo!

Tomorrow – The Aggies and UT in the Gator Bowl 1957 history. Yes, the SEC – it just means more!

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

There are four teams receiving awards this Monday as we anxiously await our rankings and our crappy bowl assignments.

Oklahoma State University

THE University of Texas at Austin

Louisiana State University

Texas A&M University

Here is a YouTube that is representative  of me, my family and friends and all the fans from the four schools listed watching our schools’ football games Saturday.

PS – Those are NOT the Aggie Yell leaders.  HEE-HAW!

Friday, October 26, 2018 – Week Nine Snarks on College Football

Friday, October 26, 2018 – Week Nine Snarks on College Football

Grab the remote; order the pizza and pop the popcorn. It is going to be a Dilly Dilly of a weekend in college football. The Snark is calling this weekend The Douglas MacArthur weekend because some teams will never die; they will just fade away after this weekend.

My watches for the weekend.

Clemson at Florida State – 11:00 on ABC – Should be no problem for the Tigers.

Vanderbilt and Arkansas – 11:00 on SECN – The Battle of the Really Bad Football Teams in the SEC.

Florida and Georgia – 2:30 on CBS – In the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, somebody fades away after this one. The lead in the SEC West is at stake.

Iowa and Penn State – 2:30 on ESPN – Penn State QB, Trace McSorley is so cute. This should not result in a Poopy Undies Award for PSU, but we shall see.

Kentucky and Missouri – 3:00 on SECN – Just a reminder, Texas A&M beat Kentucky. So why are the Wildcats still in the picture? Please, Missouri, do not wear those ugly, yellow, banana looking uniforms.

Texas and Oklahoma State – 7:00 ABC – T. Boone Pickens could be very interesting come 7:00. Pistol Pete is waiting for you Bevo. The slamming paddles are going to be like mayonnaise on a hot day and spoil it for you, Horns. Go Pokes!

Navy at Notre Dame – 7:00 on CBS – Anchors Away with hope. If ND sinks, then so do their chances.

My watch will be the Battle of the Maroons and Whites in Starkville. Texas A&M versus Mississippi State at 6:00 on ESPN. Trash talk to the Bulldogs– Reveille is both prettier and smarter than Bully. The Aggies have more than one offensive play. Our quarterback can run better than yours. These are not last season’s Aggies. My boyfriend, Traveon, will rush for 100 plus yards. The cowbells will not ring!

BTHO Mississippi State! WHOOP!

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Let’s begin with the Big 12 Conference, which is really only 10, but that conference name was already taken.

In the TCU Turnover Game last night against Texas Tech, the Tech QB, Jett Duffey scored the winning touchdown giving Tech a 17-14 victory. To the best of my knowledge I am not related to the young freshman quarterback as I have not done an ancestor spit test. But he is from Mansfield, Texas and that is very close to Louisiana.

Tomorrow, of slight interest we find that the Cowboys of Oklahoma State drew the black bean and play Kansas State at 11:00 on ESPNU. Yawn.

At 6:00 on FS1 the West Virginia Mountaineers travel to Ames to meet Iowa State in the What Other Games Are On contest.

Sandwiched in the middle at 2:30 on ESPN we find the Bears of Baylor and the Horns of Texas. It is THE University versus THEE University in the Battle of Road Construction on I-35. The Bears will need a miracle, but hey it has happened before.

Moving on. At 11:00 on FS1 it is Ohio State and Minnesota. Ugly uniforms on both sides.

On ESPN at 11:00 it is Florida and Vanderbilt. The poor state of Florida got slammed by Hurricane Michael. When your peninsula divides into two parts will it be like Michigan? Or will one of the land masses declare independence?

On SECN we have a pissed off for last week’s loss against Mississippi State Auburn  and Tennessee at 11:00 on the SECN. Wish that I was there on Rocky Top…

The 2:30 time slot is once again this weeks’ game winner.

There is Michigan State vs Penn State on the BTN. I was unaware there was a Big Ten Network. The Big 12 has a network too. It is called The Longhorn Network and it does not share. It also only has commercials with has been players. But you can watch the 2005 Rose Bowl as many times as you want.

I will be getting carpel thumb syndrome as I switch between games at 2:30. It is LSU and Georgia on CBS in the Redeemer and Validation Game. Come on Mike, show us what you got. GEAUX TIGERS!

The other time slot finds the Fighting Texas Aggies versus the Gamecocks of South Carolina on SECN. Note to Uncle Will Muschamp – You will really have to work to get an Exploding Head Coach Award on Monday in order to beat Gary Patterson of TCU last night. Yes, there will be a photo on Monday. And yes, Gary, those pants make your butt look big. This just in from Reveille “I am not sitting for a photo op with the chicken. But I can chase it off the field if you like.”

At 6:00 on ESPN the Tide of Alabama rolls over and drowns the Tigers of Missouri. If Missouri scores 31 points on the Alabama defense, I’m pretty sure Coach Saban’s head will explode too.

I actually had a Nick Saban moment yesterday. Suddenly while in Academy I heard,

“Young Lady? Are you really going to spend almost $40.00 for that Astros T-shirt? Something that you might wear once or twice at tops?”

Me: Yeah. You’re probably right.

Saban: I probably am.

Me: I’ll wait for the 2018 World Series Winners T-shirt.”

Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox on TBS at 7:09.

BTHO South Carolina!

Saturday Socks.

Monday, October 1, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Five

Monday, October 1, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Five

Here we go.

Alabama 56 Louisiana 14 – I don’t know why Alabama calls its mascot The Crimson Tide. They should call it The Crimson Tsunami. Nevertheless the Cajuns could not get it raging against as the Tide rolled over them. I award Nick Saban and the team The Steam Roller Award.

West Virginia 42 Texas Tech 34 – The Almost Heaven; Burning Couches Award goes to the West Virginia Mountaineers. I so love it when Tech loses.

OU 66 Baylor 33 – The Award for Just Showing Up goes to Baylor. Obviously, Murry and the Sooners were not looking ahead.

Texas 19 K-State 14 – Really? A good away win, but it is still Kansas State. I award the Horns of THE University of Texas the Remember There Are Four Quarters to Play trophy. This will not hook em in Dallas next weekend.

Florida 13 Mississippi State 6 – Chomp! To the Bulldogs of State I give you The Calendar Award. Women’s basketball season starts soon.

LSU 45 Ole Miss 16 – I award the Tigers of LSU The Cake Award. That victory was a piece of cake. I would also like to award the Ole Miss Coach the Ugly Coaching Outfit Award. That large of a shade of red rain gear took up a large portion of my screen.

Notre Dame 38 Stanford 17 – The Not Close and No Cigar Award goes to Stanford. When did Notre Dame take mustard as one of its colors? What is the color of the ND called? Metallic Mustard? Those looked radioactive. Award to ND – Ugly Uniforms.

Ohio State 27 Penn State 26 – For the fans of Penn State, you not only receive The Poopy Undies Award, you also receive awards for

  • The release of several bodily fluids that accompany fits of anger and disbelief.
  • The fluid release of curse words streaming from your mouth fit to embarrass the 7th Fleet Navy Fleet
  • The Dreaded Threaded Incline Plane Award – Screwed.

Texas A&M 24 – Arkansas 17 – Also receiving multiple awards are The Aggies. First we have the Pig Sty Award. That performance looked awful. I don’t want to be singing “We are the same Aggies; the same Aggies are we.” I was not happy.

Also not happy – The Aggies receive the award for Unhappy In Your Face Coach. If Jimbo ain’t happy, then nobody is happy. I doubt Mr. Tyrel Dodson will ever make that mistake again. Note: #25 Tyrel Dodson said “I deserved it.”

https://youtu.be/th68HGl30CU 

Even Reveille was not happy. “I did not sign up to sit by the pig. He stinks. I want to go home.”

The final award goes to Arkansas for the inflatable mascot. Worst Representation of Something. That is just wrong. As if the hog head hat was not enough now there is a mascot with a turd tail.