Category Archives: Coach Nick Saban

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

What a fun football weekend. Let’s get this party started!

SWAMP! SWAMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! Alligator tastes like Chicken Award goes to the Texas Aggie Field Goal Kicker and the Defensive Unit.

The Aggies also win the Historical Award for not having won a football game in the state of Florida since World War II.

This week I should give a Clean Undies Award because almost every team wins a Poopy Undies Award. Games are getting interesting.

Let’s back up to Friday and start with the Dysfunctional Digestive Awards.The Clemson Tiger coughed up a hairball as Clemson was upset by Otto the Orange and Syracuse 27-24.Just as the Pepto Dismal kicks in for that game Cal (Berkley) put a hippy dippy ass whopping on Mike Leach’s boys from Washington State 37-3.

The West Coast Slide Down the Rankings continued Saturday night with Washington being upset by Arizona State. 7 – 13

Saturday began with TCU and K-State in lightening delay # 1.

The Pyro Burning Sofa Award goes to West Virginia. You got admit, it is way more hillbilly to burn a sofa when your team wins than throw tortillas. Texas Tech 35 West Virginia 46.

The OOH Whee Baby Don’t you know You Set My Soul on Fire Award goes to the Tigers of LSU for their victory over Auburn. LSU 27 Auburn 23. Way to make the SEC interesting.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 2.

The Great Game Award goes to Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas. I am also awarding the Left It All on the Field Award to both teams. OU 29 and THE University of Texas 24.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 3 through whenever and aka as WHERE is the damn Baylor/Oklahoma State game?

Finally…TCU 26 and Kansas State 6.

Then the Cowboys of Oklahoma State win the Keeping Baylor Perfect Award by winning over the hapless Bears.59-16.

The Still the One as in Number One Award goes to Alabama. In the SEC Battle of Schools Beginning the Letter A-The Tide of Alabama had no trouble rolling over the pigs of Arkansas. Note to the Arkansas Coach – Did you happen to look to the other side and see what Coach Saban was wearing? Some nice beige pants; a nice polo shirt – very classy. You, on the other side looked like a sad, red busted balloon. I know they got better clothes at Wal-Mart. Tide 41 – Hogs 9.

Now back to the SWAMP.

In the Where’s the Mute Button Category, the John Wilkes Booth Announcer Award for worse announcers goes to the ESPN-hired duet attempting to be speaking or making words for the A&M/Florida game. Yes, Beth, I am happy you know football as you do and are announcing, but your voice is that of fingernails on a chalk board. Where did you audition? Texas School for the Deaf?

And Side Kick Dude? What was your first language? I am thinking maybe not English. I stopped counting your grammatical errors in quarter one with “he should have ran out of bounds and “he throwed it to a covered receiver.”

The uniforms looked worse on TV.

The Florida Gators win two Awards for Uniforms. First they win The Invisible Blend into the Field Ugliest Uniform. They also win The New Color in the Crayola Box Award – Swamp Dirt Water Brown.

A Big Solid Award goes to Texas Aggie Tyrel Dotson for intercepting a Florida pass to end the game with an Aggie victory 19-17.

Next week: BTHO BYE WEEK!

Photo by me 1986. Old Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Demolished in 2010.

Tonight: Astros/Yankees 7:08 FS1 – Not this Year Yanks! BTHO Yankees!

Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

This morning I am feeling like Prissy in Gone With the Wind because “

MISS SCARLETT, THE YANKEES ARE COMING!

Brooklyn Bridge – photo by me 1986

That’s right; the boys in pinstripes are coming from New York City to Houston, Texas Minute Maid Park to play the Houston Astros in Game 1 of the American League Championship Series. Winner of the series goes to the World Series. I will have my Dallas beard on, Honeyboy’s Astro cap, a hot dog and cold adult beverage ready for the first pitch at 7:08 on FS1. GO ASTROS!

It is going to be an Orange weekend for almost everybody.

Between innings one can catch more orange on TV and watch Clemson v Syracuse on ESPN. The All Things Orange begins at 6:00. Syracuse’s mascot is one of the anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots named Otto. The original mascot of Syracuse was a Native American character named The Saltine Warrior. The Saltine Warrior remained the mascot until 1978 when the Native American students successfully said no Native Americas named after crackers. After 17 years with no mascot Syracuse selected an orange fluff ball and called it Otto.

Clemson’s mascot is also one of those anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots. It is a tiger named The Tiger. Clemson’s athletic teams have been nicknamed the Tigers since 1896, when coach (and later university president) Walter Merritt Riggs brought the name from his alma mater, Auburn University.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_the_Orange#Saltine_Warrior

If you are a night owl, following the Big Orange you can watch Washington State vs Cal on ESPN at 9:30. It is always interesting to see what Mike Leach of Washington State will do.

Starting the Saturday at 11:00 we can watch The Tortilla Throwing Texas Tech Red Raiders take their breakfast tacos to Morgantown to meet the West Virginia Mountaineers on ESPNU. Throwing tortillas is nothing compared to West Virginia students burning couches in the streets when WVa. wins.

In the Game of Purple the rising Frogs of TCU play Kansas State on FS1.

Finally it will be 2:30 and time for some real football.

CBS will have Auburn v LSU. I see a bad moon rising for one of these Tigers, and it is not the one in purple and gold.

In Stillwater, Oklahoma State celebrates homecoming by keeping Baylor’s record perfect with zero wins. Watch it on FS1.

But The Eyes of Texas will be upon The Red River Rivalry with OU v TU on ESPN. HWIT – the Horns will need to bring everything they got to hang with the Sooners. The Baker Boys are mad from last week and are planning a steak dinner that night.

At 6:15 on ESPN the Razorbacks of Arkansas visit The Crimson Tide of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Now Coach Bielema, you going to have to dress up a little more than in previous games. That tacky sweat shirt is not going to cut it, even in Alabama. Text Alabama Coach Saban and ask for some fashion tips. He is real good at giving that girl in the commercial fashion advice. ROLL TIDE.

At 6:15 on ESPN2 the Texas Aggies visit The Swamp in Gainesville to meet Florida. This could be very interesting for the Aggies.

Looking like The Creature from the Swamp, Florida will be wearing this faux alligator nature looking ensemble designed by someone on an acid trip. I am going out on a limb and giving Monday’s Ugly Uniform to Florida.

Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Florida!

Friday, October 6, 2017 – Stage Left: The Snark Appears

Friday, October 6, 2017 – Stage Left: The Snark Appears

Before we get to our college football Snarky Friday, let us offer congratulations to the Houston Astros for their 8-2 victory yesterday over the Boston Red Sox in Game one of the American League Division Playoffs. I would have so enjoyed seeing second baseman, Jose Altuve, become the 9th player with a 3 HR game in postseason history. But the game was not televised on TV on a reasonable channel – even for someone with has many sports channels as I have.

Therefore today, when I turn on my TV at 1:00, I better see some players in Astro uniforms getting ready to play some players in Boston Red Sox uniforms. Do not make me go 8th Grade School Teacher on you. GO ASTROS!

What is on the screens tomorrow for college football? Starting the morning at 11:00 AM we have potential Blow Outs featuring:

  • Ole Miss and Auburn on SECN
  • Georgia and Vanderbilt on ESPN
  • Iowa State and Oklahoma on FOX
  • Texas Tech and Kansas on FS1
  • Wake Forest and Clemson on ESPN2.

I do not like any of those schools at this time.

At 2:30 it is time to catch the shuttle to campus to tailgate. I should arrive mid to end of first quarter for these interesting games.

  • West Virginia and TCU on FS 1 – ESPN Game Day comes to you from Fort Worth, Texas. Lee Curser will look good in the Big Horned Frog head.
  • LSU and Florida on CBS – Remember Troy! For Tigers’ sake, it was homecoming last weekend! Swamp. Swamp. Chomp. Chomp.

Scheduling right along;

  • 4:10 Spirit Walk @ War Hymn Statue
  • 4:20 Kyle Field Gates Open
  • 5:00 Corps Step off @ Quad
  • 5:30 – Take shuttle back home to watch:

From the Big 12 Conference which is really only 10 teams, at 6:00 on FS1 from Royal Texas Memorial Stadium. Royal Texas Memorial Stadium??? Huh? That ain’t right! That is how the ESPN app shows it, Horns.

Allow me to continue correctly. Coming to you on FS1 from Daryl K. Royal Memorial Stadium, THE University of Texas hosts the Kansas State Wildcats. To save us all time and data charges tomorrow for texting the following question: “How old is Bill Snyder?” Tomorrow is his birthday. He will be 77 years old.

May I offer this small suggestion to the Longhorn team? Do not see past the purple haze tomorrow in anticipation of seeing red next weekend.

And now a football trifecta. All three of my alma maters play tomorrow. I got papers from all three hanging on the wall.

In the Battle of the Big Thicket, also at 6:00 the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks play the Sam Houston State Bearkats. Ax ‘Em, Jacks! This will be on the small tablet screen streaming ESPN3.

Scheduling along:

  • 5:56 Spirit of Aggieland
  • 6:08 National Anthem: Texas Our Texas
  • 6:15 –on ESPN – Kick-Off – BTHO ALABAMA!
  • 6:16 – Ensure Smelling Salts are close by. Get Dammit Doll Ready.

First, to the Announcers:

Corp march in 2016. Photo by me.

Dear ESPN, if one of your booth mouth jockeys or whichever of you is on the ground – If you say “Battle Hymn” instead of War Hymn as you did last week, please run. Run Away Now. Run to Austin. Remember those people pictured above carry swords.

Second: Welcome to College Station, Texas, Coach Sabin (sic). I hope you like the hospitality and have a memorial experience in Kyle Field.

Looking out my backyard. Photo by me.

Third: Pardon me for  yelling, but it is going to take a lot more yelling than this. OH LORD! LET THERE BE A MIRACLE ON THE BRAZOS ON SATURDAY NIGHT IN KYLE FIELD BY THE LIGHT OF THE SILVERY MOON.

PLEASE DO NOT LET THE TIDE RUNNETH OVER AND DROWN DOTH THE AGGIES.

Photo by KB

Photo by KB

PLEASE LET THE 12TH MAN SOUNDETH LOUD WHEN ALABAMA HAS THE BALL.

PLEASE HOPE I HAVE ENOUGH SMELLING SALTS UNTIL THE CLOCK READS 00:00 ENDING THE GAME.

PLEASE, HELP THE AGGIES BEATETH THE HELL OUT OF ALABAMA!

Tuesday, October 3, 2017 – Wardrobes for the Weekend – Lace Bralette

Tuesday, October 3, 2017 – Wardrobes for the Weekend – Lace Bralette

It is ever too early to start preparing for this weekend’s football game. I am so excited. Ms. Navasota and I have an opportunity to tailgate in the afternoon prior to the Texas Aggie Alabama game Saturday night. Maybe Ms. Navasota’s cousin KT will join us.

I dusted off the Beat Alabama Shrine last evening and begin lighting the candle when I say vespers. I realize the helmet, even with the JM autograph is of little value, but he is the only one to have Rolled back the Tide.

Ms. Navasota, Cousin KT and I want to blend in with the college coed crowd so we need an appropriate game day wardrobe. Just because it has been almost 50 years since we graduated from under grad school, we want to fit it toe to head.

I believe we three are able to produce the necessary cowboy boots. I mean we are all Native Texas so we have several pair.

We have had difficulty to finding Daisy Dukes cut offs in our sizes that show off our butt cheeks. It seems the stores do not carry our sizes of cut offs with elastic waists or in super stretch. I believe we have been able to make do with some jeans we had left over from George W.’s first term and a pair of pinkin shears. Those alligator teeth scissors.

I am going to skip bodice attire and focus on face and head-gear and save the bodice until last. Like boots, all Native Texas have a cowboy hat of some sort. Real cowboys and cowgirls have several hats – the high dollar beaver hat you wear to rodeo; the nice summer straw hat you wear in the summer; the hats you work it and the $2.00 hat you wear to costume parties.

This cheap cowboy hat is appropriate else it distract from the $250 Rayban Aviator sun glasses that adorn your face. Side bar: Being the more literary type, my $250 Rayban sun glasses are called “Gatsby” for the sign over the Optical Shop in The Great Gatsby and Cats That Support Aggies.

But back to bodice. I have purchased each of us a maroon lace bralette.

While it sounds like a cheap wine or a French dessert, it seems you wear this over your bra and it is supposed to function as a shirt or blouse. I honest to God do not know if this is the back or the front. We will have to experiment.

We will supply our own bras to wear under our lace bralettes. I suppose the bras I have with NIKE on them will not work. Oooh, I wonder if there is a bra that says BTHO Bama! I would so wear that.

I doubt you will be able to see us on television because we will be so blended in with the co-eds. I plan to wear my maroon bralette over my T-shirt.

Friday, September 29, 2017 –Snarky Friday College Football

Friday, September 29, 2017 –Snarky Friday College Football

Thirty days hath September and there were some games to remember and many to forget… But first.

The NFL debacle – IMHO – This should never have been an issue. The intrusion of the government into the corporate arena sets a dangerous precedent. Here’s what I’m thinking – the American citizens in Puerto Rico would die to have a cold drink of fresh water and electricity to even watch TV. Wait, the citizens just might die while waiting. So why?

Speaking of why? Why is THE University of Texas playing on a Thursday? Better yet, why is THE University even playing Iowa State? Even better, why is Iowa State even in the Big 12 Conference?

BEVO – Photo by Jill.

But BEVO’s Boys withstood the Cyclones 17-7. Please know that Iowa State is in the running for Ugly Uniform Award. The mascot is a weather pattern.

Tonight we have Miami and Duke on ESPN at 6:00 and USC and Washington State following. It is always fun to watch a Mike Leach team.

The Saturday Wake-up Call Games at 11:00 are:

New Mexico State and Arkansas on SECN – more Aggies for the Baconators. Did you know the New Mexico State mascot is named Pistol Pete?

  • Vanderbilt and Florida on ESPN – Did you know the ONLY altruistic endeavor by Commodore Vanderbilt was the establishment of Vanderbilt University?
  • Northwestern and Wisconsin on ABC. Yawn.

In the 2:30 time slot we find:

  • Baylor at Kansas State @ 2:30 on ESPN 2. This depends on which Bears show up in Manhattan. Could be interesting if the ones from last week take the field.
  • Georgia and Tennessee on CBS – Dogs again. UGA and Smokey. I don’t know if “Rocky Top will always be…”

Why? Why are the best games in the evening?

If any two teams should have a weather pattern as their mascot it should be Oklahoma State and Texas Tech. in Lubbock at 7:00 on Fox. Tortillas blowing in the wind.

Love my TT pic. Love you Little Sister. AXOs.

If Oklahoma State and New Mexico State should meet in a game, would it be Dueling Pistol Petes?

In the battle between Mississippi and Alabama ESPN will showcase:

  • Mississippi State and Auburn at 5:00. To the Bulldogs – you need a Big Solid Defense. To Auburn: Roll Tide.
  • Ole Miss and Alabama at 8:00 ESPN at Tuscaloosa – Hotty Toddy, but Roll Tide. Dear Coach Saban, Do not underestimate your opponent. The Rebels have nothing to play for except pride.

Sandwiched between the Battle of Mississippi and Alabama we find Troy University at Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge to meet LSU at 6:00 in the last non-conference primer for LSU. Here is a primer on Troy: The Troy Trojans mascot is named T-Roy. He is one of those dressed up mascots. Troy University’s athletics nickname was the Red Wave until the early 1970s when the student body voted to change the name to Trojans. I am not going to ask why they changed to that. One can only hope the students and the state of Alabama were aware that Trojan refers to a warrior and not a birth control device.

The game of the weekend is the Texas A&M Aggies versus the South Carolina Gamecocks on the SECN at 6:30.That means crappy announcers live from Kyle Field. Things to watch for overall: Crappy announcers misprouncing small Texas towns, talking way too much and saying nothing. For the Gamecocks watch for Uncle Will Muschamp exploding at referees and players. For the Aggies watch for the explosive Captain Christian Kirk.

Other burning questions you must have are:

What is the mascot of South Carolina?

Cocky (mascot) Cocky is the costumed mascot of the University of South Carolina athletics teams. He represents a cartoon version of a gamecock (a fighting rooster).

Why is South Carolina’s mascot a Gamecock?

The University of South Carolina’s varsity sports teams are known as the “Gamecocks”. This unique moniker is held in honor of Thomas Sumter, a Revolutionary War hero from South Carolina who was nicknamed the “Carolina Gamecock” after British General Banastre Tarleton said Sumter “fought like a gamecock.”

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocky_(mascot)

What is the mascot of Texas A&M?

The mascot of Texas A&M University is Reveille. She is a beautiful and very real Collie and the First Lady of Aggieland. She is prettiest mascot in her category in the NCAA mascot contest.

Source: NCAA and every Texas Aggie on the planet.

Native Texan Wall: Texas Monthly Cover signed “To Delia; Ann Richards.” FYI – I also have George W’s signature signed “To Delia Best Wishes George W. Bush.

Since we started the day with politics, let us end it with politics. When former Governor of Texas, Ann Richards, was campaigning for her first term, she and her staff were flying to The Valley on a campaign trip. One of her staff members asked: “Miss Richards, the people will want to know where you stand on cock fighting.” Miss Richards replied “To be honest, I never met one that I wanted to fight with.”

BTHO South Carolina.

Friday, September22, 2017 – Snarky Friday – My College Football Preview

Friday, September22, 2017 – Snarky Friday – My College Football Preview

It is the First Day of Fall. The temperature is an unpleasant and humid 90 degrees in Texas.

Hope The Fighting Texas Aggie Band looks as good in Jerry World in Dallas as in Kyle Field last week. Photo by KB.

Starting our football day on ESPN at 11:00 AM. in the morning, we have The Hopefully Fighting Texas Aggies versus the Arkansas Razorbacks in the SEC opener for both teams. Sing it Willie Nelson, It’s gonna be a Bloody Mary Morning. Hopefully it will be served with an extra-large side of bacon, sausage and a pork chop. I imagine the frying pan will very hot for both coaches.

Speaking of a coach’s butt sitting in the frying pan, on ABC at 11:00 you will find the Red Raiders from Texas Tech playing the University of Houston Cougars in a match-up of former Big 12 quarterbacks now head coaches. We find in the frying pan Tech Coach, Former Tech QB, Kliff Kingsbury. Opposite will be former QB at THE University of Texas, Major Applewhite. Hook ‘Em! And Go Cougar High! Remember Tech does not play defense.

I am not so certain I would be screaming “Guns Up” in TDECU Stadium in Houston. Sidebar: The official name of the stadium is derived from Texas Dow Employees Credit Union (TDECU), the largest credit union in Houston, which purchased its naming rights in the largest-ever naming rights deal for a college football stadium.

On CBS at a most reasonable hour of 2:30 Alabama travels to Nashville to meet Vanderbilt in their SEC opener. Vandy, you gonna need a lot more than Lionel Richie and The Commodores trying to sing country in Nashville. ROLL TIDE!

Photo by Kristen

Following the Aggies and Hogs we have TCU and Oklahoma State on ESPN @ 2:30. This game has potential. Go Pokes!

The David and Goliath Game is between Baylor and Oklahoma. Nothing sounds worse rising over The Brazos River above McLane Stadium than Boomer Soomer all evening long. Oh, the game is on FS 1 at 5:30 in the event you are interested.

 

Veterans Park, College Station Texas. Photo by me.

That game could be over by 6:00 when it time to switch to any other game on TV. I will be watching ESPN and the dog fight between Bully and UGA or Mississippi State versus the University of Georgia. Let the Cowbells ring in Athens on Saturday night. Going to need some Big Solid Defense.

Of course I will be accessing all of my screens (I know JH, you have screen envy) as I check on other contests looking for close scores; ugly uniforms/helmets, and exploding coaches.

BTHO Arkansas!

Monday, September 18, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 18, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards

This weekend’s games were why we love college football.

Let’s begin with the scores. All the Bigs won big by big scores. Alabama OU, Ohio State, Oklahoma State, and Clemson.

The When Is It Basketball Season? Award goes to Baylor for their loss to Duke 20 to 34. There is always Kansas, Baylor.

The ULaLa Second Half Elixir Award, produced by Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and The Fighting Aggie Band goes to the Texas Aggies.

The announcers said “Perhaps the Aggie Band will help the Aggies in the second half.” Photo by KB.

Not certain if this is Kyle Field at 11:00 kickoff, but it looks pretty full to me. Photo by KB.

I hope you ordered a case of the Elixir for next week’s game. Now that you have finished playing the Three Sisters of the Poor, next week it is time to bring home the bacon.

 

Photo by me. Gator by Prejeans.

The 00.00 Clockwork Orange Award goes to both UT schools. First to the University of Tennessee. Hail Mary, Full of Gatorade, as Florida wins with a Hail Mary pass as time runs out to defeat the Vols. I guess Gators can reach Rocky Top.

The second 00.00 Clockwork Orange Award goes to THE University of Texas as USC scores with seconds left in the first half.

In addition, THE University of Texas receives a Poopy Undies Award and a new award entitled Pop a Vein Award as their fans watched the entire game ultimately loosing as the field goal split the uprights in the second overtime giving USC the win 24 -27. Trust me, Horns, the Aggies know the feeling of seeing the ball go through the goal post as time expires. At least it wasn’t in your stadium and on Thanksgiving.

The Herding Cats Cowbell Award goes to the Bulldogs of Mississippi State. For Real! These dogs put an ass kicking on LSU 27 to 7.

As mentioned in previous posts, this year there is The Big Solid Award. This award is given to defensive units and individuals in the defense and there are several this week. Let’s begin with The Big Solid’s Alma Mater, Mississippi State and award a Big Solid Award to the Mississippi State Defense. It is not easy to herd cats.

Bully! I could have been a contender. I am prettier than Smokey and UGA. When is our play day, Miss Reveille? Photo my me from the TV.

A second Big Solid Award goes to the Defense of THE University of Texas. I am not sure the Horns are back, but the defense was impressive. Let us see what happens in Dallas in October.

Now to the individual Big Solid Awards.

To #4 Deshon Elliot, of THE University, I am awarding the Franco Harris Immaculate Reception Award and a Big Solid Award for 2.5 interceptions. Yes, it was almost three interceptions so I am giving half credit for the almost third one.

To Texas Aggie # 23 Armani Watts – a Big Solid Award for two interceptions. We are going to need many more of those.

And last, the Big Super Solid Award goes to #8, Dorion O’Daniel of Clemson for his interception of a Heisman Winning Quarterback, (Lamar Jackson) and returning it for a touchdown. Pure Big Solid. Perhaps he will share the video when the Bulldogs take on the Tide. Factoid: Joe Namath was eleventh in the balloting for the 1964 Heisman Trophy, which was won by quarterback John Huarte of Notre Dame. John Who?

Honeyboy! Look who just won the American League West! The Houston Astros! This might be the year! Go Astros.

Monday, September 18, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 18, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards

This weekend’s games were why we love college football.

Let’s begin with the scores. All the Bigs won big by big scores. Alabama OU, Ohio State, Oklahoma State, and Clemson.

The When Is It Basketball Season? Award goes to Baylor for their loss to Duke 20 to 34. There is always Kansas, Baylor.

The ULaLa Second Half Elixir Award, produced by Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and The Fighting Aggie Band goes to the Texas Aggies.

The announcers said “Perhaps the Aggie Band will help the Aggies in the second half.” Photo by KB.

Not certain if this is Kyle Field at 11:00 kickoff, but it looks pretty full to me. Photo by KB.

I hope you ordered a case of the Elixir for next week’s game. Now that you have finished playing the Three Sisters of the Poor, next week it is time to bring home the bacon.

 

Photo by me. Gator by Prejeans.

The 00.00 Clockwork Orange Award goes to both UT schools. First to the University of Tennessee. Hail Mary, Full of Gatorade, as Florida wins with a Hail Mary pass as time runs out to defeat the Vols. I guess Gators can reach Rocky Top.

The second 00.00 Clockwork Orange Award goes to THE University of Texas as USC scores with seconds left in the first half.

In addition, THE University of Texas receives a Poopy Undies Award and a new award entitled Pop a Vein Award as their fans watched the entire game ultimately loosing as the field goal split the uprights in the second overtime giving USC the win 24 -27. Trust me, Horns, the Aggies know the feeling of seeing the ball go through the goal post as time expires. At least it wasn’t in your stadium and on Thanksgiving.

The Herding Cats Cowbell Award goes to the Bulldogs of Mississippi State. For Real! These dogs put an ass kicking on LSU 27 to 7.

As mentioned in previous posts, this year there is The Big Solid Award. This award is given to defensive units and individuals in the defense and there are several this week. Let’s begin with The Big Solid’s Alma Mater, Mississippi State and award a Big Solid Award to the Mississippi State Defense. It is not easy to herd cats.

Bully! I could have been a contender. I am prettier than Smokey and UGA. When is our play day, Miss Reveille? Photo my me from the TV.

A second Big Solid Award goes to the Defense of THE University of Texas. I am not sure the Horns are back, but the defense was impressive. Let us see what happens in Dallas in October.

Now to the individual Big Solid Awards.

To #4 Deshon Elliot, of THE University, I am awarding the Franco Harris Immaculate Reception Award and a Big Solid Award for 2.5 interceptions. Yes, it was almost three interceptions so I am giving half credit for the almost third one.

To Texas Aggie # 23 Armani Watts – a Big Solid Award for two interceptions. We are going to need many more of those.

And last, the Big Super Solid Award goes to #8, Dorion O’Daniel of Clemson for his interception of a Heisman Winning Quarterback, (Lamar Jackson) and returning it for a touchdown. Pure Big Solid. Perhaps he will share the video when the Bulldogs take on the Tide. Factoid: Joe Namath was eleventh in the balloting for the 1964 Heisman Trophy, which was won by quarterback John Huarte of Notre Dame. John Who?

Honeyboy! Look who just won the American League West! The Houston Astros! This might be the year! Go Astros.

Friday, September 8, 2017 – Snarky Friday Before College Football Saturday

Friday, September 8, 2017 – Snarky Friday Before College Football Saturday

The Snark of Friday is here and is very angry. To the person who send a letter of racial hatred and bigotry to the Sumlin Family: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Your behavior is disgusting and reprehensible.

Football is a game. College football is an opportunity for many young men to succeed on the field and off. To criticize a coach due to perceived coaching abilities and even to express the desire for a replacement are well within the boundaries of the game. Alumni do not pay for mediocrity. To attack a coach’s family with such vitriolic spewed hatred and then to end it with a threat, is wrong for any family.

From the statement issued by Texas A&M AD Scott Woodward, “We unequivocally condemn this disgusting and threating letter. There is no excuse for hatred and as a community; we will not allow the ignorance of some to intimidate any member of our community.”

To the sender of the letter: May a plague of poxes fall upon your house that brings swarming locusts and grasshoppers, mounds of fire ants, moles in your flower beds, bed bugs in your mattresses, roaches in every room and leaks in the roof throughout your house.

Now moving down field.

From last evening congratulations to Sammy Bearkat and the Boys from Sam Houston in the win over Prairie View A&M 44-31. Not quite enough scare for a Poopie Undies Award Sam, but I will give you Skids Award. Well done, PVA&M.

Our football evening begins tonight with Pistol Pete and the Oklahoma State Cowboys. We shall find the Pokes playing South Alabama at 7:00 on ESPN2. If I were any team from Alabama, I would be watching Oklahoma State – even you in Saban land.

Tomorrow begins at 9:00 with ESPN Game. One of my football goals is to get a selfie with Kirk Herbstreit. I think he is cute and when Fowler scared him last Halloween with a spider and he screamed like a girl, I knew I wanted to meet him.

Thank goodness, apparently no one I care about is playing at the ungodly hour of 11:00 AM.

Screen # 3 – So the day begins with TCU and Arkansas entertaining us in old Southwest Conference rematch at 2:30 on CBS. Go FROGS!

Screen # 2 – Opposite the Frogs and Pigs we find THE University of Texas Longhorns trying to see if they can answer the question “Do you know the way to San Jose?” Kick-off is at 2:30 in DKR Memorial Stadium with Texas versus San Jose State on the Long Horn Network.

Screen # 1 -On my main screen aka Living Room (as in there’s an elephant in the room) –

My friend Celeste and a pack of pachyderms.

will be#1  Alabama versus Fresno State at 2:30 on ESPN2 in Tuscaloosa. Hounds Tooth hats for everyone! ROLL TIDE!

On Fox Sports Southwest – At the truly beautiful McLane Stadium in Waco on the Brazos the Road Runners from University of Texas San Antonio meet Baylor @7:00. New Rhule: Do not take the Road Runners lightly and try not to look like Wiley Coyote like you did last week. Sic ‘Em Bears.

Pardon me Mike? Is that the Chattanooga Choo – choos?” Why yes, Mike, The Tiger, LSU plays Chattanooga at 6:30 on the SECN. The Chattanooga mascot is named after legendary football coach A.C. “Scrappy” Moore, Scrappy, the Chattanooga mascot, is a fixture for the Mocs. A re-design in 2008 puts Scrappy in the image of the State Bird of Tennessee, a Mockingbird. Thank goodness, I thought it might be a water moccasin. YUM. Cats like birds.

Not Relief Out shirts, but proceeds from these also go to Harvey relief efforts.

At 6:00 from Kyle Field we have a Relief Out game between Texas A&M v Nicholls State on ESPNU. All Harvey evacuees in the Brazos Valley were given free tickets. Fans will Relief Out the stadium by filling it with fans wearing Hurricane Harvey Relief shirts. All proceeds go to Harvey Relief efforts. Should provide an intimidating stadium for The Colonels. There will be more people in Kyle Field than live in Thibodaux, Louisiana.

Wearing Big Boy Uniforms playing big boy games we have the #13 Auburn Hair Color versus the # 3 Clemson Tigers @ 6:00 ESPN. Oh, both teams are the Tigers? Roll Tide.

On ABC at 6:30 we have the Sooners from “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the winds come sweeping down the plains” playing Ohio State Buckeyes. I am sorry. I do not know any Ohio State songs. If I get to meet Mr. Herbstreit, may he can me teach one.

Hope your team wins and

BTHO Nicholls State

Monday, September 04, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards.

Monday, September 04, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards.

Let’s begin. Every NCAA Division I team receives a Poopy Undies Award. It was definitely a Jalapeno by Morning for many.

As predicted the Ugliest Uniform goes to Maryland. Argyle patterns only look good on socks, sweaters and court jesters.

The Charlie Brown Award for Worse Kick goes to the punter of Wyoming for missing the entire ball.

The Hangover Award goes to the Texas Longhorns, the Baylor Bears and the Texas Aggies. Like the movie, we all woke up and wondered “what the hell happened last night?”

All three schools are also recipients of The Hoover Award because you sucked! Throw in the Big Disappointment Award.

It is a tie for The Most Inauspicious Coaching Debut – Texas’ Tom Herman and Baylor’s Matt Rhule. I somehow doubt the alumni from each school were comforted by the announcers of both games saying “this is a good teaching moment for …” for Herman and Rhule. I am pretty sure they were expecting winning moments rather than teaching moments. I think teaching moments are called practice.

I am awarding the UCLA quarterback, Josh Rosen, The Timex Award. He took a licking, but kept on ticking.

The Clock is Ticking Award goes to Texas A&M Head Coach, Kevin Sumlin.

The Aloe Award goes to the entire Texas A&M Coaching Staff and especially the Defense. You got burned!

And the Still Number One Award goes to Alabama. Roll Tide! To Nick Saban: Do you have any assistants who want to move up to a head coaching position? I imagine there will be an opening after the Tide visits College Station if not sooner. I hear Coach Sumlin’s house has a pool.

I am giving up football. I am going to follow curling and synchronized swimming instead.