Monthly Archives: August 2018

Friday, August 17, 2018 – Snarky Friday

Friday, August 17, 2018 – Snarky Friday

Come along and be my party school; Come along and be my party school; come along and be my party school and I’ll flunk out with you.

Twelve thousand (12,000) Aggies move in this weekend. That is the estimated amount moving in to live on campus. This does not include off campus residents. Classes begin on August 27. I do not know why the first day of classes is not August 30. Might as well add to the total transportation and confusion on campus with Reveille VIII’s internment, freshman ticket pull, the SEC trucks setting up, tailgating and the season opener for the football team.

Snarking onward through the fog…

See where your alma mater or your school of support lays on this grid of Academics and Partying. I am confident the research done by Barstool Sports is accurate, reliable, and valid. I can speak from experience that research conducted in bars becomes louder and less reliable as the tequila shots become more abundant.

https://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/an-advanced-analytical-look-at-the-academics-partying-college-chart-going-viral/

 

Here are my interpretations. I see most of the SEC conference in the Most Party/Least Academic quadrant, including Alabama, Auburn, LSU, Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Of course the Texas Aggies are Most Party/High Academic. Remember that an often forgotten attribute of why the SEC wanted the Aggies was – to raise the GPA of the SEC. Georgia in the same quadrant as the Aggies? Really? You host the Largest Cocktail Party when you play Florida!

From the Big 12 I see Texas Tech as Most Party/Least Academic. Of course if I had to live in Lubbock I would have to party 24/7. I see Baylor as Most Academic/Least Party. The surveyors obviously did not interview members of my family regarding the party aspect. Oklahoma State appears to be Most Party and Low academics. Again, if I had to live in Stillwater, I would do the same as if I lived in Lubbock. THE University of Texas at Austin in the High Party/High Academic. TU, just because you are in the same quadrant as Stanford, you cannot compete with them academically. Smart people versus super smart people.

I see BYU as the Least Party/Most Academic. Those Mormons don’t even drink Dr. Peppers! The Most Party/Least Academic “honor” goes to The University of West Virginia – Moonshine University where they burn sofas and couches when the football team wins.

I hope you can find you school of support. It appears many lie bunched around or on the axis.

It is indeed time for colleges and universities to move in and start to party. As the adage says “College is a fountain of knowledge where kids go to drink.” But don’t drink and drive.

Thursday, August 16, 2018 – R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Thursday, August 16, 2018 – R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The iconic, Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin passed away this morning. The Heavenly Choir received a voice of the ages.

In 2010 Franklin received the Number 1 spot on Rolling Stone’s list of “100 Greatest Singers of All Time.” So many songs. Here are two that we all know by heart.

Long live the Queen

 

 

Wednesday, August 15, 2018 – Back to School Daze

Wednesday, August 15, 2018 – Back to School Daze

We’re all in our places with bright shiny faces.

Many schools start today. Here’s to the dedicated men and women who run the educational institutions for our children. Yes, they are all OUR children.

Who is going to perform your open heart surgery? The kid you had in kindergarten who did not speak English on the first day of school. Who do you think is going to care for you in the nursing home? That kid from your third period class – fourth row; second seat.

Speaking of dazed and confused. The Texas Education Agency released the A-F Accountability rankings for school districts across the state using a new grading system. Way to get districts off to a positive start to school, Bureaucrats.

The system ranks schools on three broad categories: student achievement, school progress and closing the gaps. This is based on the STAAR tests. That’s right – your entire future is dependent upon one’s ability to take a test and perform within the parameters set by number nerd jocks.

Now let’s see what types of in service topics were offered to teachers at various schools this year:

  • Clear backpacks required
  • Bullet proof backpack optional
  • Deep tissue wound first aid techniques
  • No headphones in the hallways in order to hear
  • No flip flops or sandals for shoes (can’t run or could step on shattered glass)
  • Child trafficking issues
  • Domestic abuse issues
  • Likelihood of your campuses targeted
  • Recognizing armed individuals on campus
  • Where to hide
  • How to barricade to protect your class

Here’s what I’m thinking. I’m a principal, teacher or student and am supposed to worry about the issues listed above AND pass a test in order to be successful? AND do all of this when NO MORE money?

As we used to say in the state government … “Carry on regardless.”

 

Tuesday, August 14, 2019 – The Family Hoods and Vikings

Tuesday, August 14, 2019 – The Family Hoods and Vikings

Congratulations to my gnephew, Brandon for receiving his Masters in Taxation degree and being hooded at Baylor University.Here is a picture of two of the four family hoods. We will see if we can obtain a photo of the other two family hoods – the MSW and the J.D. Nine degrees of book learning among the four of us and we can barely recognize a hammer, let alone use one.

After the graduation and hooding ceremony some of the family members went to The Waco Hilton to toast Brandon with a glass of champagne. I am so glad I went because Girlfriends, I found us some dates. That’s right I got one for me and there are some for you, in fact probably a tribe of them, right from a bar in Waco, Texas. I believe these men were from the First Barbarian Church of the Visigoths out on a Saturday doing the church visitations before the evening raids.

The man in the droopy jeans, T-shirt and blue piss pot (Aggie term) on his head holding a long pole is Captain America. Not exactly how I envisioned Captain America, but then again, I never envisioned America this way either.

Next girl trip to Waco we shall meet at the Waco Hilton. Sign up now before the Viking ship sails the up the Brazos.

Monday, August 13, 2018 – The Fans Appreciated –

 

Monday, August 13, 2018 – The Fans Appreciated

Yesterday was Fan Appreciation Day at Texas A&M. Here are a few of my favorite pictures. There will be more in the days to come.

Aside from it appearing I have to go the bathroom, it’s a good picture of me and the Aggie Yell Leaders.

Coach Jimbo Fisher signing my copy of Texas Football magazine.

Getting running back Trayvon Williams autograph

Quarterback Nick Starkel

Number 11 – Quarterback Kellen Mond

Friday, August 10, 2018 – Snarky Friday and Come Onward Northwestern

Friday, August 10, 2018 – Snarky Friday and Come Onward Northwestern

Thursday, August 30, 2018, our beloved Reveille VIII will be laid to rest at 8:30 AM. She will lie with the other First Ladies of Aggieland in the special area just outside the north end of Kyle Field.

And of course all of the Reveilles can see the scoreboard.

Thursday, August 30 – like we need one more activity in College Station that day. It is the opening game for The Fighting Texas Aggies football team. It is the debut for new coach Jimbo Fisher. The Fighting Texas Aggies welcome Northwestern State University Demons from Natchitoches, Louisiana.

Even at the early hour of 8:30 AM it is entirely possible that the attendance at Reveille VIII’s memorial could exceed the entire enrollment of Northwestern (10573) and Natchitoches Parish (18219). Of course I’m going! You had to ask?

Since many will be travelling from Louisiana to College Station and visiting Kyle Field I wanted you to know what the small crowd is on Thursday morning.

The big crowd – aka the ones standing and swaying in the stands in Kyle Field that evening will exceed the population of both the school and the parish and the surrounding parishes combined!

The game will be on TV on the SEC network. Those of you who live in Louisiana probably can see it since it is the SEC network and LSU is in the SEC. Unlike THE University of Texas that has The Longhorn network, the SEC shares with other teams. It also provides more programming and better commercials than alumni doing commercials for THE UNIVERSITY.

So I hope the Northwestern Demons get paid a huge share of the gate and television profits. I also hope the amount covers the medical bills because the Aggies plan to BTHO Northwestern.

Pics from Reveille Grave from theclio.com

 

Progress Report on the Proposed Re-creation of Neil Sedaka’s Calendar Girls Video

Wednesday, August 8, 2018 – Progress Report on the Proposed Re-creation of Neil Sedaka’s Calendar Girls Video

The Calendar Girls dance card is filling up quite nicely. Until we start official practices continue to sew and hot glue gun your costume and continue to work on your dance moves in the privacy of your home.

January, March, May and October are still available. And we still need a piano player. You know you want to see it again – like a wreck on the highway.

Unfortunately, January is now open. CS fell out of the choir box and her dancing shoes need to be put away for a while. We do hope for a speedy recovery. You must still participate by bringing your great sense of style, fashion ideas and of course your wonderful singing voice because I know some of us have experience in band take overs.

Joan A said she would love to be February but insists on wearing “winter clothes and a big heart.” February in Texas could mean any attire. Attire in Austin could mean anything.

March is still available. Gayla? I think you might have had a pants suit like March wears. If Gayla doesn’t respond, Karen K, March is yours.

April – Ms. Navasota is diligently sewing her Playboy Bunny outfit. I am ready to help if her sewing machine breaks.

May – I can’t believe the month of May is still available. Doesn’t anyone want to look like Joann Woodward in Three Faces of Eve wearing a 1950’s frock made from Butternick Pattern # 4589? The black and white stripe fabric design is a must. I missed the giant white bow on her dress in the video.

June –Congratulations Suzi. The month of June is yours since Knotts is still scared of you. K. Knotts did volunteer her talents from her drill team experience – The LongAgo LongViewettes to help us get a leg up. (Groan here). She’ll help us get our pictures in the Longview Society Edition.

July – Thank you Lea for being July. We trust you know how to handle sparklers. And remember as The Voice of Experience says – Don’t dance naked in the back yard with sparklers while drunk on New Year’s Eve.

August – I get to be August for the following reasons:

  • I can still point so there less downward gravitational pull (thank you trainers KQ and KB and 20 pound barbells);
  • Thankfully, both pointers are still intact; and last, but not least;
  • I have more experience wearing martyr boards with tassels and can do the tassel toss automatically.

September – Karen S gets September. You will look good in yellow. I hope there are not too many candles. Lea will be sparkling with fireworks so we must be careful. You do realize you have to dance on the piano, do a high kick and have the piano player look up your skirt?

October – “like Romeo and Juliet on Halloween” but in a really bad outfit. Who wants to be the Italian opera clown?

November – Martha, My Dear. You missed your chance. Kay took November. She gets to wear the 1920’s men’s bathing suit pattern.

December – BJ, December is still yours and you are correct. Neil seems to be a bit calendar challenged too. The winter months do seem to have more bikini outfits. With the exception of the Halloween clown, all of the “dancers” seem to show a lot of skin – especially for 1966.

Please know that CS was in only if she could wear the colors of the BCS National Championship. Since she is on the injured reserve and requested the BCS School’s colors, you can have January. CS would not look good in Crimson Tide colors and would never consider wearing any colors save purple and gold.

Tuesday, August 7, 2018 – Retirement Rules for Hygiene

Tuesday, August 7, 2018 – Retirement Rules for Hygiene

I know that many of you are retired or approaching retirement. That means you getting into the “old as dirt” phase of your life. Since I am experienced in retirement, as a public service I would like to offer some rules for retirement hygiene.

Retirement Rules for Hygiene

  • If you are unable to remember the last time you took a bath or shower, you probably need one. The smell you are sensing is probably you.
  • Brush your teeth at least once a day especially if you cannot recall the last time you brushed. This is especially true if you have teeth.
  • Change your tooth brush often. You do not know how many times the cat chewed on it.
  • During the summer months – even if you sleep in gym shorts and a T-shirt, it is not appropriate to wear them to the grocery store the next day.
  • During the cooler months – even if you sleep in sweat pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt, it is still not appropriate to wear the ensemble to the grocery store the next day. Just because the rest of the shoppers are in their pajamas does not mean you should be in yours.
  • Never wear the same T-shirt more than three days. Two days if you slept in it. This includes short and long-sleeved shirts.
  • Do not wear the same pair of socks for more than three days.
  • Change your underwear at least every other day.
  • Be prepared to change your underwear daily or hourly as needed.
  • Ladies, remember to shave your legs even though there is no reason whatsoever to do so.

I hope you find the rules helpful. Just remember “old as dirt” does not mean you have to smell like dirt.

Monday, August 6, 2018 – Football, Calendars and Wayne Newton Look Alike

Monday, August 6, 2018 – Football, Calendars and Wayne Newton Look Alike

Go Johnny! No Johnny! Johnny No Be Good! What a stinky debut for Johnny Manziel. You did set a record for the Canadian Football League however. I doubt four interceptions in one half was what you were looking for. But there are more games on the calendar.

I am not very good with calendars. I tend to look at the wrong month or even the wrong year. Those of you who recall my daze of working for the great state of Texas remember the times I had you check all my work for correct dates. If you had read a post from last week you would have corrected the August 26 date to August 30 for the first Aggie football game. I suppose that is just how anxious we are for football.

Back to calendars. I Googled “Songs about calendars” and Calendar Girl by Neil Sedaka showed up. This is from 1966. I am pretty sure it is the reason I am calendar challenged.

Before you watch the video, Here’s What I’m thinking about it. Starting with the pre-psychedelic calendar background, it makes me laugh each time I view it. Is it just me or do all the girls look like hookers? Especially August and December. Neil Sedaka looks like Wayne Newton. Maybe they are one and the same.

And the dancing? One would think that out of thirteen people at least one of them could dance to the beat. Heck, I thought I was a bad dancer.

I think I should get eleven girlfriends and we recreate the video. I get to be August because you know going to the beach in an animal print bikini suit with gold chains at the breasts is just my style. That would leave BJ for December (her birthday) Joan A – you get February, Ms. Navasota gets April. You will look great dressed like a Playboy bunny. Roomie, you can have November since it is your birthday. That leaves the remaining months for Jenny Lee, Nina, JP, Jann P, Beckie S, Kathy K, Kay W, Suzi S., Gayla, Killer Queen, KA and KB, Kay D W, JB, T, Natalie and anyone else that wants to participate.

All we would need is some feathers, a few sequins, some sparklers, some thrift store dresses and several bottles of tequila. We could do it in with one rehearsal- just like they did in the video.

Enjoy! From 1966 Neil Sedaka and Calendar Girl.

 

Friday, August 3, 2018 – See Aggies Run! Run Aggies Run!

Friday, August 3, 2018 – See Aggies Run! Run Aggies Run!

The Snark of Snarky Friday begins. Howdy Ya’ll!

The Talking Period is over. It is time to put up or shut up. Yesterday was the first full practice for The Fighting Texas Aggies football team. Jimbo had the team run to practice in full uniform through the tunnel onto Kyle Field.

The word one keeps hearing from players, coaches and news media is “intense.” Let’s just hope that refers to a football mindset and not the sleeping arrangements when they play Alabama.

Speaking of Aggies, running and Alabama, let’s wish Johnathan Paul Manziel a promising start tonight as he leads the Montreal Alouettes of the Canadian Football League in his first start as quarterback in three years against the Hamilton Tiger-cats. FYI – an alouette is a lark. The bird, not the whim. I assume you know what a tiger-cat is.

The Snark of the Week award goes to Anriel Howard for transferring to Mississippi State to play her senior year of women’s college basketball. HWIT – she wants a National Championship Ring. Her best chances were UConn, ND or Mississippi State. It seldom snows in Starkville. Best of luck, Lashes.

That’s it for this Snarky Friday. I must clean the back porch in preparation for watching football. Yes, I have a TV on the back porch. I need the leaf blower and the water hose. I wonder if I could clean the house with those two tools.