Tag Archives: Notre Dame College football

Monday, September 23, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Monday, September 23, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Happy first day of fall. The projected high today in Texas is 93 degrees but feels like 97.

Let’s begin with Poopy Undies for everybody. Why not? Pretend it is one of those participation awards.

My first award today goes to the Ole Miss Rebels. You receive The Dreaded Threaded Incline Plane Award because you got screwed on the goal line against the Hippy Bears of California. Not once, but twice. Ole Miss 20 and Cal 28. Berkley is a long way from Oxford, ain’t it?

The Tide continues to roll even though they have yet to play anybody. So, let’s give Tua and Nick the You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet Award and the Stack the Stats for a Heisman Award.

The Methodist of SMU and the Baptists of Baylor won against their old SWC rivals by winning against the Horn Frogs of TCU and the Owls of Rice? Both the Mustangs and Bears win the For Old Times Sake Award.

LSU stomped the Commodores of Vanderbilt 66-38. The Ugly Uniform Award goes to Vanderbilt. That faded drab gray just made Little Gloria turn over in her grave. Those uniforms looked like they mated with a battleship. They were so ugly, I cannot find any pics on the Internet.

My Wimp Award goes to Auburn.

A tent? Really? It was not hot. It was barely 90 degrees. Did you forget your sunscreen? Did you not remember that the home team – the Aggies’– bench is in shade on the side where the alumni sit and where the money comes from? The visitors always sit on the student side facing the sun with the students standing and yelling behind you.

I award The Texas Aggies the Number Four Award and As Time Goes by Award. For future games, Ags, please try to show up for all FOUR quarters of the game – especially the first one. And do not let time run out. Auburn 28 Aggies 20 I do not want to post this selfie, palm plant face again.

It was great game between THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State. The Horns receive the One State One Win Award. You beat one team of two teams from Louisiana and will beat one of two teams from Oklahoma. Glad you lit the Tower for this one.

Thank you, Carrie Y for taking and thank you, Roomie for sending.

The pic is a bit fuzzy, but then again, so are the Longhorns. Oklahoma State 30 Texas 38

And for The Best Game of the year, so far, the trophy goes to Georgia and Notre Dame!

To the Fighting Irish, let’s sing the Fight Song:

Flop, flop for old Notre Dame

Fall on the ground, pretend you’re in pain;

To try to slow the Bull Dawgs down;

But you couldn’t win the game!!!!

My Confessional Award goes to me and my friend RL.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned,

Hoping that Notre Dame never wins again;

Hail Mary, full of grace

UGA and the Dawgs put you in your place.

RL tends to say, “Coitus ND!” which is much shorter, but I’m not sure that would fly in the confessional booth.

My Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Brian Kelly of Notre Dame.

I am pretty sure, Coach, you need to go to confession for your string of profanities you spewed at the ref.

The Hoover Announcer Award for sucking the most while allegedly calling a football game goes to the Booth Mouths who were in the booth for the Texas A&M and Auburn game. Neuheisel? Was this your first trip east of California in a while? Well, at least he did not sing and play the guitar. Nueheisal? You make me miss Brent Mushburger.

To the officiating crew in Kyle Field on Saturday: You must have missed the day the pass interference was taught. When a 70-year-old woman, who never played a down of football and has nothing to put in a jock strap can call the penalty, then something is wrong. So, to the zebra shirted crew, you win the Helen Keller School of Incompetency Award. Note: same school as refs for Ole Miss and Cal.

And to the end zone.

Kudos again to ESPN for airing another touching tribute to Wendy Anderson, her family and Arkansas State. Ladies! Get those ta-tas squished and checked. You can win this one for Wendy.

Speaking of Arkansas, next week, Aggies have the Bacon Bowl in Arlington.

I AM NOT SITTING BY THE DAMN PIG AGAIN THIS YEAR!

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

It is the eve of New Year’s Eve; ah bitter chill it was. Wait that is The Eve of St. Agnes by Keats when the bitter chill takes place. That is not until January 20. We also have Alfred Lord Tennyson’s version St. Agnes’ Eve. I guess plagiarism was not as evident back then.

Speaking of saints, chills, and Tennyson, how about that Charge of the Light Brigade by Notre Dame yesterday? Half a yard; half a yard; half a yard onward into the valley of death rode the Irish. Notre Dame could not summon enough saints and begorrah to even make it interesting. At least Oklahoma tried a comeback. I told you that ND does not do well in a bowl with Cotton in its name.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Next football season why don’t Clemson and Alabama play to start the season? That can be their very own personal national football championship. Then in January of 2020 two other teams can have a shot at the big trophy stick. Other fans would like to wear tacky national championship hats too.

Tomorrow, actual New Year’s Eve starts the SEC Bowl Conference. Tomorrow we find Missouri versus Oklahoma State and Unranked North Carolina versus the fighting Texas Aggies.

These games are followed by LSU, Mississippi State, Kentucky and Georgia.

And to get thee to a summary. The entire Pride of the Big 12 Conference rests between Oklahoma State and THE University of Texas. Missouri is peaking and it depends on which Oklahoma State takes the field. But Georgia is really pissed off. Those Dawgs are mad dawgs. Run Bevo!

Tomorrow – The Aggies and UT in the Gator Bowl 1957 history. Yes, the SEC – it just means more!

Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Congratulations to the Baylor Bears in their victory over the Vanderbilt Commodores by a whopping score of 45 to 38 in the Academy Sport and Outdoors Texas Bowl. Perhaps if you both field defensive squads next year, you can up your bowl game. Vandy, your defense looked it was Lionel Richie and the Commodores.

Earlier that day in the Walk-on Independence Bowl Duke realized it really is a basketball school and walked on in the second half to score some 45 unanswered points to win over Temple 56- 27.

In the New Era Pinstripe Bowl Wisconsin beat the Miami Hurricanes down to a Category Zero by a score of 35 to 3. May I suggest for a new era, you do not name a football game after a fabric pattern?

Today as I key this we have Purdue and Auburn playing in the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. Auburn? Purdue? Take a Nap? Hmm.

By the evening hours we begin to drift into the Better Big Boy Big School Bowls. These are the bigger games with top players.

It is during this time period we the multitude of players who get to play in The I Did Something Stupid and Made Poor Choices Bowl and/or The I’m Not Playing for My School Because I’m Going to Combine and Will Make Millions and You’re Not Bowl.

Let’ start with the West Virginia Hillbillies and Syracuse in the Camping World Bowl. Expect the usual tacky, home-spun looking WVA uniforms and some visually unaesthetic orange from Syracuse.  Hope the second string QB for WVA is ready.

If anyone is interest you can watch Iowa State and Washington State in the Valero Alamo Bowl. This does not begin until 8:00 so it is necessary to get a proper amount of sleep because Saturday starts the games with the best of the best.

Saturday begins with Florida and Michigan at noon in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl. This sounds like Hooter girls making a peach cobbler bowl.

At the 3:00 hour we have the Creepy Leprechaun and the Halo Gold Helmets on the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame and another variation on orange on the Clemson Tigers. This is the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic in the first of the College Playoff Semi-final Game. Not to worry. The game is Jerry World in Arlington and not the old Cotton Bowl Stadium where bowl games go to be canceled. Just a quick reminder to Notre Dame – you don’t play well in The Cotton Bowl regardless of where it is played. Clemson doesn’t need all of their players to beat you.

The second College Playoff Semi-final Game is the Capital One Orange Bowl at 7:00. We have the University of Oklahoma and the University of Alabama. Like Clemson, Alabama does not need all of players to beat anyone either. Why does OU go by OU when it should be UO? I don’t know.

Anyway you have OUUA or UOUA. or UAOU.  They all rhyme with Tua. ROLL TIDE!

 

Monday, November 23, 2015 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

 

Monday, November 23, 2015 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

We’re number 1! So are we! We’re Number 1! So are we! So who is Number One?

Trivia Question for Monday – Who is most remembered for saying “What a revolting development this is?”

Who will be number one tomorrow when The Selection Committee meets? My psychic abilities say Clemson, Alabama, Iowa and Notre Dame. YUK!

The Creating Chaos Award goes to Baylor who whipped previously unbeaten Oklahoma State to throw the Big 12 Conference into chaos. It also creates an ESPN Game Day in Stillwater, OK next week for a Bedlam Game for the ages between Oklahoma State University and Oklahoma University (OU). This game is big when there is nothing on the line. Go Pokes!

The Baylor Bears meet TCU in what once was and still might be the Showdown of the Big 12. Doesn’t matter. The Big 12 isn’t going to the National Playoffs. Larry Culpepper told me and he invented the playoff system.

Michigan State takes down previously unbeaten Ohio State 17-13. Hard to stay number one.

The What’s the Point Award is shared by Oklahoma for their one point victory over ailing and falling TCU 30-29 and Mississippi State over Arkansas 51-50.

The Alabama Junior Varsity wins over Charleston Southern by 56-6 taking home The Cupcake Award. The Varsity Tide is taking its vitamins in preparation for the Iron Bowl against last place in the SEC West Auburn.

The Big Sarcastic Thank You Award goes to Ole Miss for giving LSU a third defeat in a row. Pissing off LSU before the Texas Aggies arrive in Baton Rouge is most appreciated. Just a little FYI to the Tigers – you don’t let The Texas Aggie Band come to the game – this could easily turn into We’re All Pissed Game.

Tailgate A&M Bama 10.17.15 2015-10-17 107 (800x527)

Mike the Tiger

The Texas Aggies shut out the Vanderbilt Commodores 25-0 and  both teams win the Ugly Uniform Awards. Too difficult to distinguish between teams. Finally Chavis deserves a paycheck.

The We Almost Counted You Out Award goes to Stanford. Whatever you got, whether it is your mascot – the color Cardinal or the strange looking Tree or the crazy band. Whatever you got, get those brilliant minds going and invent something to beat Notre Dame next week.

“What a revolting development this is.” Stan Laurel to Oliver Hardy. I think they are both on The Selection Committee.

Friday, July 24, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Football and No Such Thing as a Free Lunch Any More

Friday, July 24, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Football and No Such Thing as a Free Lunch Any More

So many topics from which to choose to snark about this Friday. We have El Strumpet – aka Tony Soprano – from the Genghis Khan School of Diplomacy on the Texas border. We have Captain Hairspray bully baiting him by calling him a “false prophet.” Did you mean “false profit?” And then we have Gooberner Abbott going after the Legislative Budget Board (LBB). If I recall it is the job and responsibility of the LBB, as defined by statute, is to oversee the budget process. Oh, well, all of that can go on Comedy Central.

In other budget related news, I see where AD Steve Patterson of The University of Texas has issued a new policy that limits the number of visits coaches can make to check upon their players. Under Patterson, coaches are only allowed 30 visits to the dining hall. If coaches exceed the number of visits, they must pay $10 for each visit out of their own pocket. And that does not look like it includes a meal. If a coach wants to dine during any of their visits, it is $19.50 a meal and no credit cards accepted. Cash on the Longhorn barrel head.

Texas claims that it was spending over $300,000 on coach and staff meals at the dining facilities. While $300,000 appears to be a significant amount, Texas took in over $161 million in revenue in 2014. It does not take John Wax math to see that $300,000 is a drop in the checkbook of the alumni that you appear to be angering, Stevie P.

I am having difficulty in understanding the sacrifice of quality coach/player time to save $300,000. The revenue for the Notre Dame game on the Notre Dame Network (NBC) will be greater than $300,000.

But if you are really that concerned about reducing the athletic budget, I am offering some cost saving ideas for your consideration.

  • Dispense with hotels and camp out at the Cotton Bowl for the Red River Rivalry.
  • Have some of the campus service organizations prepare sack lunches for the teams as their altruistic projects.
  • Dim the scoreboard at DKR Memorial Stadium if Texas is behind by more than three touchdowns in the 4th Quarter.
  • Have the team hitch hike to Waco to McLane Stadium.
  • Realign the Big 12 so you do not have to go to places like Ames, Iowa or Morgantown, West Virginia.
  • Sell more beer in Darrell K Royal Memorial Stadium.
  • Stop courting the Pac 12. With new revelations, you certainly cannot meet their academic standards now.
  • Sell Boykin for Heisman T-shirts outside Amon G. Carter Stadium in Fort Worth.

Here is my final thought for you Stevie P. I just saw yesterday’s Bleacher Report Preseason Top 25. Yes, meaningless, but still. Instead of concentrating on the number $300,000, I would concentrate on the means of getting The University of Texas back into some of those smaller numbers – like the Top 25. Hook ‘Em Hippies.

Texas Flag @ Sunset (800x600)

Taken from Darrel K. Royal Memorial Stadium. Photo by me.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Monday, November 10, 2014 – College Football – Week Eleven

Who is the most famous alumni from The University of Tennessee at Martin? And my apologies for not recognizing UTM by its official name last Friday and referring to it as UTennessee @ Somewhere. Also, it seems the Prefixes is not the mascot of Presbyterian. The mascot is the Blue Hose. The Presbyterian Blue Hose. I am not certain if this refers to a legging or stocking, or a garden tool or some type of religious undergarment worn like other religious beliefs. Nevertheless, Ole Miss hosed them 48-0.

Prior to Monday, College Football Awards – Week Eleven, you probably do not get the SEC network. If you did and watched it Saturday morning, you know there was a segment from Ruffino’s in Baton Rouge showing how to make gumbo. As all gumbo recipes begin, “First you make a roux.” Then you add the “gumbo Trinity” of onions, bell pepper and celery. After that it got very generic. For example, “Then you add your spices.” This is because no one who makes gumbo is going to give every detail. It is our secret. But what do you have Longhorn Network that is informative, informational and practical? But the Longhorns win the first award today. It is

The Our State is Better in Football Than Your State Award goes To THE University of Texas for beginning to look like a Texas team and not like Westlake High School against the University of West Virginia! TCU also receives a share of this award for winning against K-State.

In The Purple Reign Bowl, TCU rained Princely on K-State to strengthening the chances of the Big 12 Championship belonging to a school in state of Texas.

Baylor receives the First Win in Norman Award and also strengthening the in state chances for the Big 12 Championship.

Our Lady of the Desert Award is presented to Notre Dame for drying up ND’s championship chances. Arizona Sun Devils! You should have brought an exorcist with you.

The Meteorological Phases of the Moon Award goes to LSU. You should know The TIDE always rises during the full moon.

The What’s The Point Award goes to the LSU field goal kicker for the field goal in the game with a minute left against Alabama giving LSU the lead.

The What Were You Thinking Award goes to the LSU kick off kicker for kicking the ball out of bounds on the ensuing kickoff and thus giving Alabama an opportunity to score and tie the game in regulation and then go on to win in OT.

The Leon Lett Award goes to Utah for dropping the football short of the goal line…

While The Almost as Good As The Play* – goes to the Oregon player for picking up the dropped ball in the end zone and then to all eleven Oregon players for running the entire length of the field to score and tie the score, while the Utes celebrated prematurely on their sideline. *The Play refers to a last-second kickoff return during a college football game between the University of California Golden Bears and the Stanford Cardinal (remember it is a color, not bird) on Saturday, November 20, 1982.

And now to The Fighting Texas Aggies I proudly award the following awards:

To the true freshman Aggie Quarterback, Kyle Allen, I give the “Stay Calm and Carry on with Ice in Your Veins” Award.

The Awe Burn Your Chances for taking out the Tigers Final Four contention.

The Awe Burn The Clock Award for holding on to the end.

The Red-Headed Step Child Award goes to Texas A&M because Auburn will not want to bring this game out in public.

The Ruling on The Field is Confirmed! Aggie Ball! Award.

The Ruling on The Field is Confirmed! Aggie Ball! Award. Yes, they get two of the same awards for the two late fumble recoveries.

And while Bo Jackson was a great dual sport athlete and is a super person, the Aggies win the Bo Don’t Know Texas A&M! Award.

Pat Summit graduated from The University of Tennessee at Martin.