Monthly Archives: June 2014

Monday, June 30, 2014

It’s a scholarship pageant? Can’t you people in Florida count? This is not the first time your state miscounted. Due a scoring error that was later caught in the audit, the wrong person was crowned Miss Florida. So some brave soul had to go to her house and take away her sash, scepter, and HER CROWN. Oh yeah, also her scholarship money. If I had the job of taking those items, I would have taken a couple of martial arts experts, a college lineman and a blow torch. Because beauty queens will not give up their crowns for any reason, especially if they are not the one who caused the situation to begin with. She got to wear the crown, et al, for five days before the counting error was discovered. Then she had to give it up to the First Runner Up and she became FRU, which contain two of the four letters she is probably thinking. If I were her, I would demand a recount to see how many chads were hanging versus how many chads were punched. Worked before. And if that still does not work, send it to the Supreme Court. It seems the inability accurately keep score is pervasive. Miss Delaware had her crown yanked due to a miscalculation. She was over the age limit. The beauty queen organization is not going to achieve world peace if the judges cannot count. Perhaps a little more scholarship is needed for the judges.

June 27, 2014

Take the Last Train to Clarksville and I’ll Meet you at the Station… And the group who sang that song? Consider it Easy Friday because I know you are still working on yesterday’s assessment. So are most of the rational, intelligent people in the United States. It is the last Friday of the month of June. Six months from now we will be recovering from Christmas and preparing for the year 2015. Start shopping now to avoid the crowds. Get your identity stolen early. Speaking of identity. I am in need of pseudonymic nomenclature for my application to dance at the Silk Stocking Lounge. I believe the protocol for creating dancer names is that you take the name of your first pet and then the street name where you first lived. That would make me Nippy 149. Just does not ring out to me. So suggestions are welcome. It was pointed out to me that there is a distinct possibility that my G-String runneth over. It is not the G-String that concerns me. It is gravity. Most everything runneth down. Happy Friday. The Monkees.

June 25, 2014

Not counting the issue that hit newsstands last weekend, who was on the cover the last time the Baylor Bears were the solo featured cover school on Dave Campbell’s Texas Football magazine? Extra Credit if you know when? A side bar for the uninformed. Dave Campbell’s Texas Football (DCFT) magazine is the bible of Texas football. Wait bible and Texas football in the same sentence harbors on the redundant. I would rather read Texas Football than Cosmo or Vanity Fair. But I digress. That’s right, texas university, once again the cover is not THE University. Baylor, THEE University, is. Last year the cover was Johnny Athlete. Today, a short, skinny, white boy gets drafted by the Harlem Globetrotters? Now that is historic. Doesn’t that just chap your communications department, texas? Trying to figure how to spin the fact that you were not picked first, second or even third in the Big 12 Conference? Three schools north on Interstate 35 were picked ahead of you. I believe their names are in order of ranking: Oklahoma, where the wind comes whistling down the plains of Dallas, Oklahoma State, where those Cowboys know what to do with a steer, and Baylor, who can pray the hell out of you. One never knows what Texas Tech will bring. Football speaking. We all know they bring frozen tortillas, goal posts suitable for shoving into an opposing crowd and racial comments that would make Jim Crow blush. But you are Strong, tu, and I do hope you find a quarterback. Meanwhile, Baylor, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Texas A&M all miss you in the Top 25 Rankings. Grant Teaff. 1975.

Monday, June 23, 2014

I bought a Sunday edition of the newspaper, the Bryan Eagle, yesterday. Since I am continuing to acclimate myself to this new environment, I thought it would behoove me to get some ideas about possible social events and perhaps even some part time employment. From the week long calendar of events, I see on Wednesday there is a social event called “A Girl & A Gun Breakfast and Bullets Meeting at 10 am.” There is a number to call for more information. On Friday, there is the “Brazos County Senior Citizens Association potluck luncheon. Visitors welcome.” Doesn’t that sound tasty? On the possible employment side, there were two ads in the classified section that caught my eye. One is a “Parking Buddy.” Here is the description: “Secure the entrance of the parking lot as you greet the customers entering for football games or public events. Expect a lot of public interaction while providing customer service and traffic direction. Background check required. $8.50/hr.” Let me see if I understand. You want me to stand on my feet all day and be polite to the asshole from the opposing team, who is drunk, (remember it is the SEC), and is trying to park his car somewhere besides where I am telling him? All of this, rain or shine for $8.50/hr? No. This job sounds much easier. “Dancers Needed: Apply in Person at Silk Stockings Lounge 4047 Highway 6 S CS.” Here is the best part. “Every Wednesday is Amateur Night. First Place $100.” I wonder if there are age brackets? Where are my tassels? I have one from Stephen F. Austin that says BS ‘67 and another from Texas A&M that says Ph.D.’85. I can be a dancing scholar. I am going to practice now.

June 19, 2014

Random Thursday Thoughts

Obviously, The Beat Does Not Go On. The high end headphones, Beats, are not allowed at the World Games. It seems the headphones have gone the way of the vuvuzela and the caxirola due to branding and advertising (read MONEY). The FIFA has a licensing agreement with Sony Electronics. The old advertising line that Sony is “The One and Only” is alive and well. I wonder how the Sony headphones will stand up when Team USA plays in the rainforest on Sunday. I wonder who the hydration company is because everybody is going to need to drink in those temperatures and humidity. I doubt if it is that hot in Cleveland, Ohio, home of one of the newest millionaire. Yes, I feel certain HB is turning over in the grave hearing that a 20 year old something makes that kind of money for throwing a ball. What does it say about any society that we will pay that much to watch athletes, yet let people live in poverty? However, conversely to paraphrase Casey Stengal and others “It ain’t bragging if you can do it.” And Casey Stengal takes us to the College World Series. Feed The Frog!! Oh, it is Fear the Frog for TCU? I think feed the frog might work better since in the Virginia game, the last meal the players ate was at 3:00 PM and the 15 inning game went well past 11 o’clock. I don’t care how many protein bars you eat (and they were running out of those too), you are hungry. So stock up and tune in. Frog Power!

June 18, 2014

Johnny Money Manzeil

The Cleveland Browns signed their first-round quarterback to a four-year contract on Tuesday. According to media reports, including from Cleveland.com, the deal is for about $8.25 million, includes a $4.3 million signing bonus, $6.7 million guaranteed and a club option for a fifth year.

Kinda makes that money sign after a touchdown ring true, don’t it?