Monday, November 30, 2015 –
The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards
You are fired. You are hired. You are on the hot seat. We were really just kidding about Les Miles. It is College Head Football Coach Turnover Time.
Will Clemson, Oklahoma, Alabama and Michigan State please report to The Committee room? Your press conferences and commercials with Larry Culpepper and The Cheese Round for The National championship are to be taped after your Conference Championship games next Saturday. OU, you can go Sooner than the other three since they are not yet locked in and “The Big 12 wins their championship on the field.” Obviously, on the field in the ice in Stillwater over Oklahoma State.
But back to the weekend.
TCU/Baylor – The Down Pour Award – or The Siren Award. TCU, please do not employ the siren during a down pour in a driving wind and rain storm. It was the third time before I realized it wasn’t a tornado warning. I guess the Frogs really do like the rain.
Here’s to Chris Johnson III from Baylor – it was your first start; the Big 12 Title is on the line, it is played in a driving rain storm in the opponent’s stadium. Talk about Baptism by fire. Nevertheless, well done. Not even the real Vikings, let alone a former Bryan Viking could have weathered that storm.
The Palmetto Bowl – The South Carolina Gamecocks rose to the occasion to give Clemson a bit more than expected. Go UNC!
Poopy Undies and CPR Award goes to Alabama for scaring the fan base against Auburn but The Tide did bring home The Iron Bow Trophy. It was ugly but there is no room in the WIN column for comments or style points. Roll Tide over Florida.
The Best Cartoon Head Exploding Award goes to Will Muschamp of Auburn. Coach Dicktionery Muschamp also wins The Articulation Award for making his parents, teachers and church going people proud for his way with words. He “religiously questioned something about God’s dam building abilities and then questioned the referee’s mother’s coitus status” and received an additional 15 yard penalty making the total yardage for Unsportsmanlike Conduct 30 yards. Palmer and Mushburger, we know you are both stupid, but even a five year old could have read Muschamp’s lips.
Just when I was about to award The Ugly Uniform Award to Oregon for wearing green and yellow glow in the dark uniforms, the Aggies came on TV. When did the A&M colors become Butt Ugly and Black? The numbers looked like iron on foil decals. Just say no to black.
In addition to the offensive uniforms, the Aggie offense looked pretty offensive, but here’s to Tra Carson. He’s the first Aggie running back to break a thousand yards since 2011 (Cyrus Gray) and the first to do so in the SEC. Well done, Tra. Perhaps next year you will have a real coordinator for the offense.
To the Tigers of LSU – you are awarded The Best Psych Out Award for whatever is going on over there with Les Miles. When you figure it out, let me know.
It must be the same decision makers who decided to let Three Doors Down play with the LSU band rather than give the Texas Aggie Band time. Here’s What I’m Thinking – next Thanksgiving, you will be staying three doors down from College Station – in Hearne.
Well, there are 16 games left and then we begin Bowl Season. There are 40 college bowl games. I am sure one will be kicking off near you soon. The question then becomes – Who Cares? Besides Nike and Adidas?