Category Archives: Politics

Monday, September 23, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Monday, September 23, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Happy first day of fall. The projected high today in Texas is 93 degrees but feels like 97.

Let’s begin with Poopy Undies for everybody. Why not? Pretend it is one of those participation awards.

My first award today goes to the Ole Miss Rebels. You receive The Dreaded Threaded Incline Plane Award because you got screwed on the goal line against the Hippy Bears of California. Not once, but twice. Ole Miss 20 and Cal 28. Berkley is a long way from Oxford, ain’t it?

The Tide continues to roll even though they have yet to play anybody. So, let’s give Tua and Nick the You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet Award and the Stack the Stats for a Heisman Award.

The Methodist of SMU and the Baptists of Baylor won against their old SWC rivals by winning against the Horn Frogs of TCU and the Owls of Rice? Both the Mustangs and Bears win the For Old Times Sake Award.

LSU stomped the Commodores of Vanderbilt 66-38. The Ugly Uniform Award goes to Vanderbilt. That faded drab gray just made Little Gloria turn over in her grave. Those uniforms looked like they mated with a battleship. They were so ugly, I cannot find any pics on the Internet.

My Wimp Award goes to Auburn.

A tent? Really? It was not hot. It was barely 90 degrees. Did you forget your sunscreen? Did you not remember that the home team – the Aggies’– bench is in shade on the side where the alumni sit and where the money comes from? The visitors always sit on the student side facing the sun with the students standing and yelling behind you.

I award The Texas Aggies the Number Four Award and As Time Goes by Award. For future games, Ags, please try to show up for all FOUR quarters of the game – especially the first one. And do not let time run out. Auburn 28 Aggies 20 I do not want to post this selfie, palm plant face again.

It was great game between THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State. The Horns receive the One State One Win Award. You beat one team of two teams from Louisiana and will beat one of two teams from Oklahoma. Glad you lit the Tower for this one.

Thank you, Carrie Y for taking and thank you, Roomie for sending.

The pic is a bit fuzzy, but then again, so are the Longhorns. Oklahoma State 30 Texas 38

And for The Best Game of the year, so far, the trophy goes to Georgia and Notre Dame!

To the Fighting Irish, let’s sing the Fight Song:

Flop, flop for old Notre Dame

Fall on the ground, pretend you’re in pain;

To try to slow the Bull Dawgs down;

But you couldn’t win the game!!!!

My Confessional Award goes to me and my friend RL.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned,

Hoping that Notre Dame never wins again;

Hail Mary, full of grace

UGA and the Dawgs put you in your place.

RL tends to say, “Coitus ND!” which is much shorter, but I’m not sure that would fly in the confessional booth.

My Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Brian Kelly of Notre Dame.

I am pretty sure, Coach, you need to go to confession for your string of profanities you spewed at the ref.

The Hoover Announcer Award for sucking the most while allegedly calling a football game goes to the Booth Mouths who were in the booth for the Texas A&M and Auburn game. Neuheisel? Was this your first trip east of California in a while? Well, at least he did not sing and play the guitar. Nueheisal? You make me miss Brent Mushburger.

To the officiating crew in Kyle Field on Saturday: You must have missed the day the pass interference was taught. When a 70-year-old woman, who never played a down of football and has nothing to put in a jock strap can call the penalty, then something is wrong. So, to the zebra shirted crew, you win the Helen Keller School of Incompetency Award. Note: same school as refs for Ole Miss and Cal.

And to the end zone.

Kudos again to ESPN for airing another touching tribute to Wendy Anderson, her family and Arkansas State. Ladies! Get those ta-tas squished and checked. You can win this one for Wendy.

Speaking of Arkansas, next week, Aggies have the Bacon Bowl in Arlington.

I AM NOT SITTING BY THE DAMN PIG AGAIN THIS YEAR!

Friday, September 13, 2019 – The Snark of the Full Moon

Friday, September 13, 2019 – The Snark of the Full Moon

Today is Friday the 13th and tonight promises a full moon and today promises lots of Snark.

Let’s back up to last week. Come on Texas! What’s with the air conditioner in the visitors’ dressing room? There are certain rules that should never be ignored. Not limited to, but including these:

  • Don’t tug on Superman’s cape,
  • Don’t turn down The Queen’s invitation, Meagan and
  • Don’t piss off LSU!

Besides, if the alleged faulty air conditioning in the visitor’s dressing room story is true, what did you expect to accomplish? THEY ARE FROM LOUISIANA! Have you been to Louisiana? It is a mosquito infested SWAMP. It is a very poor state (i.e. no house AC and maybe no indoor plumbing for many.) Napoleon sold it to Thomas Jefferson because the mosquitoes were so big. People in Louisiana don’t care about how hot it is. They only care about how hot their crawfish boil is.

So, even if the air conditioning was working, why did the LSU band have to sit in the nose bleed upper deck, half-way to Round Rock? You can deny until there are pictures. Oh wait, there are pictures. Just Google LSU Band Texas Game.

Don’t be surprised next year when the Longhorn team and band are put up at The Patricia Motel (family joke) and the Longhorn band will be on the upper deck of Death Valley half way to the Louisiana State Capitol. And one more thing. When the LSU band marches in and the sequined girls and flag bearers are carrying those black bags? You better check on Bevo because I have seen Mike the Tiger have lunch!

But moving down the field to Week Three. It is not exactly a cupcake clash with big schools, but it could be a sheet cake and some pretty good games.

Tonight on the ACCN we get to see the surging Kansas Jay Hawks fly Miles, as in Les, to meet up with Boston Colleges. Rock Chalk Jayhawk. One game win is a surge for Kansas.

Then at 8:15 on ESPN we have a clash of the Cougars and lots of red on the field when the Mike Leach Washington State Cougars square off with Dana Holgorson’s Houston Cougars. Eat ‘em up, Shasta!

Let’s start Saturday with the Bloody Mary 11:00 AM games. We find Mississippi State and Kansas State on ESPN. Go Bulldogs.

Opposite on ESPN2 we have more Bulldogs with Uga and the rest of the Georgia Bulldogs hosting Arkansas State.

At 11:00 on the SEC Network, we can see Tennessee trying to stop the erosion of Rocky Top by hosting the Chattanooga Shoe Shine Boys.

The 2:30 time slot on CBS holds great potential for the possibilities of two Exploding Head Coaches Awards when Alabama and South Carolina meet. Saban and Muschamp will be fun to watch. Roll Tide! Note to equipment managers – pack more headsets.

Also at 2:30 on ESPN2 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State are in Tulsa. The Pokes will be playing in memory of Daddy Boone, for T. Boone Pickens, OSU greatest funder. Bet you did not know that T. Boone Pickens played a year of basketball at Texas A&M? His scholarship was not renewed and he went to Oklahoma and would donate enormous amounts of money to Oklahoma State. RIP T. Boone.

Sidebar: KK, I cannot believe your baby shower is at this time slot! You graduated from Oklahoma State. I know! I know! It has to do with Baylor being idle this weekend.

As twilight draws, we find:

Florida and Kentucky kickoff at 6:00 on ESPN. Time to make a beer run.

LSU should have no problem with Northwestern of Natitchoches at 6:30 on the SEC Netwrok. I bet the Northwestern band will decent seats.

At 6:00 on ESPNU the Texas Aggies regroup against Lamar in Kyle Field. I like Lamar. It is an up and coming program who could make one of my college favorites.

The OU offense will shine with Schools of Initials – OU and UCLA at 7:00 on Fox. Go Jalen.

At 7:00 on CBSSN the Eyes of Texas as in THE University of will be upon the Owls of Rice University in the Rice Cake Bowl in Houston. OK, I made up The Rice Cake Bowl. I cannot wait to see what the Marching Owl Band (The MOB) has to say at half-time.

Grab the popcorn, get your beer and let’s kick off Week 3 and of course

BTHO Lamar

Wednesday, May 8, 2019 – In Honor of Standardized Testing or STARR This Post

Wednesday, May 8, 2019 – In Honor of Standardized Testing or STARR This Post

In honor of standardized tests, let’s do a math word problem.

How much does it cost to score one assessment in one content area in Texas?

Let’s pretend the content area is English Language/Arts, Grade Five.

You will need to know how many fifth graders across Texas took the test. Call somebody at TEA and find an answer you like or Google it and figure a reasonable sum. Or just use 80,000. That is the current number possibly held back this year due to performance. Now that deserves an F-bomb!

Proceeding onward with the number of scorers. Remember, you are only looking at costs for scoring one content area for one grade level. Ready?

At one assessment site, there are two shifts of scorers.

1st shift clocks in at 8:00 am and clocks out at 4:30 pm. This shift makes $11.50 per hour.

2nd shift clocks in at 5:00 pm and clocks out at 10:30 pm. This shift makes $12.50 per hour.

Both shifts receive a non-paid 30-minute lunch and two non-paid 15-minute breaks.

If you are unable to meet your scoring daily and/or weekly quota, you are dismissed. If you miss more than three days during the testing period, you are dismissed.

There are five rooms of scorers, plus a number of supervisors and other ancillary people. Each room has 150 Dell Computers.

A standard scoring period is about six weeks – Monday through Saturday. One is not required to work on Saturdays so factor about 75 scorers for Saturdays. Saturday scorers make $12.50 per hour.

The amount you come up with reflects the amount paid to score one grade level, one content area, for six weeks. You can either show your work or just give an F-bomb to the world of assessment.

For extra credit calculate the costs for other content areas and grade levels being scored.

Keep your voter registration card current!

Friday, December 14, 2018 – Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Friday, December 14, 2018 – Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Oops. Wrong sport. Where have you gone Snarky Football Friday?

It is difficult to snark about college football when no games are being played. But tomorrow kicks off the Bowl Games. Here’s a quick reminder to assist you in your viewing of the increasingly growing number of college bowl games with stupid names. The further away from New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day the game is, the crappier the teams and games. In fact, some of these should be called Bowel Games. But hey it’s football.

Tomorrow we begin with the New Mexico Bowl Game between Utah State and North Texas on ESPN at 1:00. This is Utah State University whose mascot is Big Blue and not the Utes or the Cougars from BYU. I actually thought Big Blue was Michigan, but maybe Joseph or Brigham took the name with them. Big Blue is one of those anthropomorphic mascots (i.e. a person in a costume). At one time the university actually had a real live bull that was painted blue. But I think the Donner Party ate it. In spite of Utah State being a land grant school and thus Aggies, I’m going with Eagles of UNT.

In an instate battle between Louisiana schools we have the Autonation Cure Bowl between Tulane and Louisiana at 12:30 on CBSSN. The Green Wave versus Ragin Cajuns. This is being played in Camping World Stadium, but it is in Orlando Florida. However, I do not like to camp and watch football. I do like the name of this bowl – the Autonation Cure. Because I think the nation definitely needs some curing so I hope this helps.

In the Mitsubishi Motors Las Vegas Bowl we find Arizona State (no that is not Sumlin’s school) and Fresno State 2:30 ABC. Should be colorful costumes and/or uniforms.

Raycon Media Camellia Bowl Georgia Southern State University and Eastern Michigan University at 4:30 on ESPN. HWIT – PETA should be alerted because this means GASO versus EMU so it sounds like the emus are in danger of being gassed. Also, I Googled Raycom and only found headphones/earbuds. So I do not know why there a football bowl game named after headphones and the wife of Prince Charles’ of England.

At 8:00 on ESPN we have Middle Tennessee and Appalachian State in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl. I don’t what the R+L Carriers carry, but who cares? The game is in New Orleans. We can all have gumbo and cocktails and pretend we are in NOLA!

There are more bowl games next week. I must research the Cheribundi Boca Raton Bowl. Cheribundi? Is this Al Bundy’s sister? Perhaps it is similar to Cowabunga from the old Tarzan films.

Happy weekend. Stay warm.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Renew the Rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas by LAW. WHAT?

State Representative and Aggie, Lyle Larson, filed HB 412 for the 86th Texas Legislature that requires the two universities to schedule an annual nonconference football game the fourth Thursday, Friday of Saturday of November.

HWIT – Waste of paper; waste of time; and LSU and the SEC may have plenty to say about that date.

I would not be opposed to a game at a neutral site. Jerry World would probably like to host it. It would be good for recruiting, but I do not think legislation is needed to make it happen.

It seems that Alabama and Auburn did not play one another for decades due to contract disputes. It seemed to work out ok for both of those schools. Representative Larson wants to avoid such a situation. HWIT, I would rather not play THE University of Texas ever again if it meant the Texas Aggies would take over as annual number one with multiple national championships.

Monday, October 29, 2018 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Nine

Monday, October 29, 2018 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Nine

Let’s just start and give every team that played a Butt Ugly Award and a Poopy Undies Award.

The first trophy goes to Kansas for snapping a 38 game October losing streak. The At Last a Victory Parade trophy goes to Kansas. Rock Chalk Jayhawk – Kansas and TCU 27-26. Now Kansas, go play basketball.

In the Heartbreak Category, Second place in The Yogi Berra and Ain’t Over till It’s Over Award goes to the Iowa Hawkeyes for throwing an interception in the final moments to lose to Penn State 24 to 30.

And the first place award for The Yogi Berra Award for It’ Ain’t Over Till It’s Over Award goes to Kentucky. The What Just Happened Award? goes to Missouri. With no time left on the clock after a pass interference call, Kentucky scores on the last play to win 15 to 14.

Oklahoma State University 38 THE University of Texas 35.The Linda Ronstadt Award goes to Oklahoma State because Mr. Cornelius blew by you! Kudos to the throw-back uniforms for Oklahoma State. It is always hard to tell if THE University of Texas wears throw backs uniforms or not. I award several awards to the Horns. T. Herman wins the Exploding Head Coach Award for running and screaming onto the field of play to no avail.

http://https://www.foxsports.com/college-football/video/1355044419675

It was reported that players were crying in the locker room. There’s no crying in football either! And the Horns are not in a League of Their Own. And a really pissed off West Virginia is coming to Austin. Alert all the sofas at the thrift stores. They will burn next weekend.

For the Florida Gators, I award the Red Sails in the Sunset Award as you slowly fade away into next year with your loss to Georgia 17 to 36.

Also fading away are the Texas Aggies. I award them Hey! It’s Not as Bad as Last Year (Yet) trophy. Our punishment is having to play Auburn on the road at 11:00 next Saturday.

Tomorrow the Official committee makes their selections for the first ranking of football teams. This will eventually lead to the Who’s In? the Championship bracket. Tune in on ESPN at 7:00 (I think). RL, you know ND will be number three so prepare yourself for you spitting, cussing fit.

Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox for winning the World Series. We’ll see you next year in Houston!

Eat, Pray and Vote

Wednesday, October 24, 2018 – The Results

Wednesday, October 24, 2018 – The Results

And the winner of The Great American Read is:

To Kill a Mockingbird, Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Harper Lee published in 1960. It is the required novel of ninth grade English classes.

The literary genre is southern gothic, coming-of-age fiction and bildungsroman.

Since I had no idea what bildungsroman means I figured you did not know either. Here you go. Try to use it in your daily conversation today.

Bildungsroman is a noun meaning a novel dealing with one person’s formative years or spiritual education.

If you have never read this classic, read it now. If you have read it multiple times, read it again. This is especially true in these troubled times we are experiencing.

Perhaps you can read it while you wait in line to cast your ballot for your candidates in the mid-term elections. Please vote and exercise your right. Remember people die every day for our right to do this. Everyone should have the freedom to make their voice heard. Right, Scout?

Sunday Morning, October 14, 2018 – Robert Edward Lee

Sunday Morning, October 14, 2018 – Robert Edward Lee

As Kris Kristofferson sang I am probably wasting my time “talking to the people who don’t listen to the things that I am saying, thinking someone’s gonna care.” But I am going to try.

If the only attribute you know about Robert E. Lee is that he was a Confederate General and leader of the Confederate Army during the American Civil War, then as they say “You don’t know jack.”

Note: Academic regalia now on. I do not care if you consider your political views conservative or liberal. When one studies history, you are taught to never evaluate a time period of the past with the social values held today. It is always 20/20 vision when looking backwards in history. Therefore any statements today regarding any individual and the social mores and values of over 150 years ago should be considered null and void historically or accurately taken into the historical context of the time period.

What else do you know about Robert E. Lee? If you do have an interest in this great individual, I encourage you to read this book entitled Lee-The Last Years by Charles Bracelen Flood.

It begins when Lee leaves Appomattox and begins his journey home to Richmond on Traveller. Horse lovers, Traveller plays a critical role in Lee’s life and in history. He is mentioned prominently in the book and died shortly after his owner. Note: Lee preferred the British spelling with two “L’s” rather than the American spelling with one.

You can follow Lee’s short, but intense journey as president of Washington College in Virginia – now Washington and Lee University. The reforms he made at the college in curriculum, instruction and the educational administration of an institution of higher education were visionary and standard setting for colleges and universities of the South today.

Among the many rebuilding and reform efforts for the Commonwealth of Virginia and Washington College, he oversaw the building of the chapel on campus because he was a deeply religious man and wanted the college to reflect Christian beliefs. His angst regarding the loss of his United States’ citizenship and the constant possibility of a trial for treason certainly added to his early death.

As the author of Lee points out, “if Lee were not remembered for his military leadership, he would be remembered as a great educational leader.” Perhaps, we should try to remember him that way. It might be less dividing.

Academic regalia off now. Happy Sunday.

Tuesday, October 02, 2018 – Tuesday Thoughts and Three Things I Did Not Know

Tuesday, October 02, 2018 – Tuesday Thoughts and Three Things I Did Not Know

Here are three things I did not know.

I did not know I would need to consult the Urban Dictionary to define Devil’s Triangle and Boofing when learning about a Supreme Court nominee. I wonder if those terms will be in future history books. How does a history teacher deal with these type current events? Maybe Boofing could be taught in health class. I don’t know.

All of this written in the high school yearbook and told in college antics.

The worst I have in my high school yearbook is somebody wrote about a group of us wrapping somebody’s house in toilet paper one night on Halloween. FYI – My mother already knew about it and I was pretty sure I was grounded at the time and the yearbook reminder was not needed.

For all of my high school friends and all of my college friends – especially sorority sisters and fraternity friends – please know as far as I know any one of you can qualify for the Supreme Court.

Here is another thing I did not know.

Technology has just gone bat crap crazy. There are objects called Sex Robots. When I hear the term robot, I think of R2D2 or C3PEO or even the robot maid on The Jetson’s. A sex robot brothel is trying to locate in Houston. With Houston’s no zoning laws or ordinances it will probably be located in same block as an elementary school, massage parlor, gun store and a church. I am going to have to consult The Urban Dictionary again. There are so many things I did not know about this and quite frankly I do not want to know. I am pretty sure that no one who goes there or purchases a robot will run for public office or a hold high level decision-making position. But you never know. Frankly, I would rather have a robot maid.

Here is the last thing for today that I did not know.

If you eat a chocolate cupcake with blue icing, it will turn your poo poo green. Try it and see. Made you laugh, didn’t it?

Wednesday, September 12, 2018 –Florence and I Can Name That Poem in Nine Words

Water, water, everywhere,

And all the boards did shrink;

Water, water, everywhere,

Nor any drop to drink.

If you said Rime of the Ancient Mariner, you are correct. You win an all-expense paid trip to Puerto Rico. Now for the trip to the Kentucky coast following Hurricane Florence, name the author.

As we have been informed Hurricane Florence is “big and wet.” I am certainly not a meteorologist, but I do not think I have ever heard of a “dry hurricane.” I have heard of “dry heaves” from a hurricane.

I Googled (I hate it when a noun turns into a verb) “water gods and goddesses” to find there are hundreds from different cultures. I was hoping to find something the residents and soon to be former residents of Florence’s targeted areas could lash out in anger.

The closest I found was the ancient Greeks who would tell you that the God on which to pin the stormy weather would be Poseidon, God of the Sea. According to Greek mythology, Poseidon lost a battle of wits against Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom and Skill. It seems that Poseidon and Athena were asked to present gifts to the citizens of Athens. Poseidon gave the Athenians rivers of salty water and maybe rolls of paper towels. Athena gave them an olive tree symbolizing peace that brought them wood, oil and food.

I am sure there is an important parallel in there somewhere. Nevertheless the East Coast is readying for a true Poseidon adventure. This one is bringing sharks! If only there were wisdom and skill.

Ask the Texas Gulf Coast from last year, these are big-ass and bad-ass storms. Stay safe.

The author of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner is Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43997/the-rime-of-the-ancient-mariner-text-of-1834