Category Archives: Misc.

Monday, February 18, 2019 – Head ‘Em Up! Move ‘Em Out!

Monday, February 18, 2019 – Head ‘Em Up! Move ‘Em Out!

It is trail riding time in Texas. If you, as Lyle Lovett sings,
“are not from Texas” then let me attempt an explanation. When the rodeo comes to town, everybody is fixin to be a cowboy or cowgirl. It is just a Texas thang!

To celebrate our cattle heritage and cattle drives, there are trail rides to recall when real cowboys rode the range and herded the longhorns. The granddaddy of all the rides is The Salt Grass Trail Ride. It started when some Texans got stranded in Florida due to bad weather after the 1952 Orange Bowl Football Game. Sidebars: The game was between Baylor and Georgia Tech. It was Baylor’s first bowl game and the co-champions of the SEC. (GT was in the SEC?) The Yellow Jackets won.

But back to the story. Being stranded in Florida, one Texan said “I’ll never go anywhere again without my horse” and so began the Salt Grass Trail Ride. It began as a promotion for the then called Houston Fat Stock Show and Rodeo. Trivia for Native Texans and Houstonians – where was the event held? Answer at the end.

https://saltgrasstrailride.com/

From the website:

Riding through the rich salt grass pastures, the journey begins in Cat Spring, Texas, in mid-February and winds through the countryside for 103 miles toward Houston. Participants range in age from 2 to 90, stretched out single file for the distance of a mile or so, always present a colorful picture as they go down the trail. The early Texans who pioneered our great cattle industry, despite almost overwhelming hardships, have not been forgotten. They live on in the Salt Grass Trail Ride.

What this really means for the Houston and surrounding areas is this. The weather is going to be sunny, warm, hot, cold, rainy, and miserable with as much as 40 degrees temperature ranges. It could be 85 degrees day and 45 degrees the next day. Sometimes, within the next hour of reaching a record high of 85. But that’s only one of the reasons we love Texas.

Unlike the cowboys you see in the following video, these cowpokes and their horses stop at the end of a hard day’s ride and relax in their cozy RVs and with their horses in heated horse trailers. While Willie sings “Cowboys ain’t easy to love” he also knows they ain’t stupid either.

Here’s to all the trail riders on all the rides. Be safe. God Bless you and God Bless Texas!

So head ‘em up! Move ‘em out! Who is that cute, Rowdy second cowboy in the credits? Stay for the credits if for no other reason to hear the song. You are welcome because I know you will be hearing and singing this the remainder of the day.

Answer: The Houston Fat Stock Show was held at the Sam Houston Coliseum.

https://youtu.be/3_rHrLHIeyI

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

It is the eve of New Year’s Eve; ah bitter chill it was. Wait that is The Eve of St. Agnes by Keats when the bitter chill takes place. That is not until January 20. We also have Alfred Lord Tennyson’s version St. Agnes’ Eve. I guess plagiarism was not as evident back then.

Speaking of saints, chills, and Tennyson, how about that Charge of the Light Brigade by Notre Dame yesterday? Half a yard; half a yard; half a yard onward into the valley of death rode the Irish. Notre Dame could not summon enough saints and begorrah to even make it interesting. At least Oklahoma tried a comeback. I told you that ND does not do well in a bowl with Cotton in its name.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Next football season why don’t Clemson and Alabama play to start the season? That can be their very own personal national football championship. Then in January of 2020 two other teams can have a shot at the big trophy stick. Other fans would like to wear tacky national championship hats too.

Tomorrow, actual New Year’s Eve starts the SEC Bowl Conference. Tomorrow we find Missouri versus Oklahoma State and Unranked North Carolina versus the fighting Texas Aggies.

These games are followed by LSU, Mississippi State, Kentucky and Georgia.

And to get thee to a summary. The entire Pride of the Big 12 Conference rests between Oklahoma State and THE University of Texas. Missouri is peaking and it depends on which Oklahoma State takes the field. But Georgia is really pissed off. Those Dawgs are mad dawgs. Run Bevo!

Tomorrow – The Aggies and UT in the Gator Bowl 1957 history. Yes, the SEC – it just means more!

Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Congratulations to the Baylor Bears in their victory over the Vanderbilt Commodores by a whopping score of 45 to 38 in the Academy Sport and Outdoors Texas Bowl. Perhaps if you both field defensive squads next year, you can up your bowl game. Vandy, your defense looked it was Lionel Richie and the Commodores.

Earlier that day in the Walk-on Independence Bowl Duke realized it really is a basketball school and walked on in the second half to score some 45 unanswered points to win over Temple 56- 27.

In the New Era Pinstripe Bowl Wisconsin beat the Miami Hurricanes down to a Category Zero by a score of 35 to 3. May I suggest for a new era, you do not name a football game after a fabric pattern?

Today as I key this we have Purdue and Auburn playing in the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. Auburn? Purdue? Take a Nap? Hmm.

By the evening hours we begin to drift into the Better Big Boy Big School Bowls. These are the bigger games with top players.

It is during this time period we the multitude of players who get to play in The I Did Something Stupid and Made Poor Choices Bowl and/or The I’m Not Playing for My School Because I’m Going to Combine and Will Make Millions and You’re Not Bowl.

Let’ start with the West Virginia Hillbillies and Syracuse in the Camping World Bowl. Expect the usual tacky, home-spun looking WVA uniforms and some visually unaesthetic orange from Syracuse.  Hope the second string QB for WVA is ready.

If anyone is interest you can watch Iowa State and Washington State in the Valero Alamo Bowl. This does not begin until 8:00 so it is necessary to get a proper amount of sleep because Saturday starts the games with the best of the best.

Saturday begins with Florida and Michigan at noon in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl. This sounds like Hooter girls making a peach cobbler bowl.

At the 3:00 hour we have the Creepy Leprechaun and the Halo Gold Helmets on the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame and another variation on orange on the Clemson Tigers. This is the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic in the first of the College Playoff Semi-final Game. Not to worry. The game is Jerry World in Arlington and not the old Cotton Bowl Stadium where bowl games go to be canceled. Just a quick reminder to Notre Dame – you don’t play well in The Cotton Bowl regardless of where it is played. Clemson doesn’t need all of their players to beat you.

The second College Playoff Semi-final Game is the Capital One Orange Bowl at 7:00. We have the University of Oklahoma and the University of Alabama. Like Clemson, Alabama does not need all of players to beat anyone either. Why does OU go by OU when it should be UO? I don’t know.

Anyway you have OUUA or UOUA. or UAOU.  They all rhyme with Tua. ROLL TIDE!

 

Thursday, December 27, 2018 – The Winding Down of 2018

Thursday, December 27, 2018 – The Winding Down of 2018

We approach the last days of 2018 and the last of the college football bowls in the mediocrity category.

Assuming you were not blown away by last evenings’ thunderstorms, you were able to watch the Injured Quarterbacks’ Interception Bowl between TCU and Cal – formerly known as Berkley in the Cheez-it Bowl. The commercials with the big, yellow cheese round were better than the game. In OT the Frogs defeated the Bears 10-7.

Hey Coach Purple Patterson? I gave never coached a football game in my life. Not even Peewee league or girls’ flag football. I am anatomically unable to even wear a jock strap. But what you did with the field goal kickers makes me wonder about your coaching strategies and understanding of players. With an opportunity to win the game in regulation, you really showed your big ass. Who yells at the freshman field goal kicker; then takes him out; yells some more during the timeout; then puts him back in where he promptly misses? Then when given a second chance you send in another field goal kicker. But TCU did win and claim a victory for the Big 12. It may be the only one the conference will claim.

Speaking of the storms across Texas, the First Responders Bowl between Boston College and Boise State was the first bowl game ever canceled. HWIT – given the intensity of the storms all of the first responder in the Dallas Metroplex were needed.

Currently we have Temple and Duke playing in the Walk On Independence Bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana. It is being played during the day because no one really cares until the schools’ basketball teams reach March Madness.

In another ‘who cares’ bowl game we have the Pin Stripe Bowl between Miami and Wisconsin.

But at 8:00 on ESPN the last hope of the Big 12 Conference is the Academy Sports and Outdoors Texas Bowl between Baylor and Vanderbilt. The old tight wad, Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt only did one altruistic endeavor in his life time. He lent his name and money to the founding of the Vanderbilt University. Subsequent Vanderbilt generations, like the poor little Gloria would have to sell blue jeans to support the family.

Good luck to the Baylor Bears and the Vanderbilt Commodores. This reminder to Baylor, Oklahoma State, THE University of Texas and Oklahoma -the SEC – it just means more. And that means bigger, faster, stronger and overall just better!

Yep, Baylor, you are the last hope for the Big 12. Otherwise, TCU will be the only Big 12 winner. I know Iowa State is in a bowl game, but do you even know anybody who went to Iowa State?

Friday, December 21, 2018 – My Christmas Game

Friday, December 21, 2018 – My Christmas Game

It is the shortest day of the year. Therefore I must hurry and write this while there is still light.

Should your family enjoy playing games and participating in contests as mine does on Christmas Eve, then the following is for you. Play with your family, have fun and deny it until there are pictures.

The No Voice, You Just Think You Can Dance, You’ve Got No Talent, Dancing with No Stars, Survivor, Big Brother Reality Christmas Game

Needed

  • Two teams; three judges; one score/time keeper, one videographer (optional)
  • One bag of marshmallows, 2 red Solo cup hats, 2 sheets of paper and 2 pencils/markers
  • There are 10 cards – one for each round of play, plus one tie-breaker if needed. Otherwise it is known as the LAST CARD. Each card tells the number of participants needed to complete the activity; the number of points available and then the activity to be performed.

How to Play

  • Divide into two teams. Decide which team will go first. The first team to go selects someone to go first.
  • He/she draws an activity card. He/she reads the number of people needed to perform; the type of activity; the number of points available and the activity to be performed.
  • The activity is judged by the judges and/or or the number of points are awarded in timed activities.
  • The team with the most points wins.
  • All activities must be performed or done in one minute or less.

Scoring

  • Judges use their hands to score 0 to 10. Judges scores are totaled and recorded by the scorekeeper.
  • Then Team Two must perform the exact same activity to be scored by the judges.

Next Round

Team Two must go first with Team One performing second.

Additional rules

  • In the event the contestant is unable to remember song lyrics or poetry stanzas, the contestant must make it up.
  • Only props within range of vision can be used. If you cannot see it, then you cannot use it.
  • Alcohol strongly suggested prior to playing this game.

ACTIVITY CARDS

Timed Activity – SOLO

Scoring: Least amount of time

Activity: At the start of the timekeeper, sing the chorus of Jingle Bells as fast as you can using only one breath.

Performance Activity – Three People

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: One person sings Jingle Bell Rock while the other two create an impromptu dance routine.

Performance Activity – Two or more People Needed

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: One person sings Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer while the other persons act it out.

Performance Activity: Two People

Scoring: Judges’ scores

One person recites A Visit from St. Nicholas (aka The Night Before Christmas) while the other person pantomimes.

Performance Activity – SOLO

Scoring: Judges/Timekeeper

Activity: You have one minute to draw a picture of the Christmas tree.

Performance Activity – ENTIRE TEAM

Scoring: Judges’ scores and 5 additional points if the dancers are co-ed.

Activity: Pretend you are the Radio City Music Hall Rocketts. Perform a dance routine including a high kick.

Performance Activity – Candy Cane Catch – Two Players

Scoring: 10 points to team who does not break their candy cane.

Activity: Players stand facing one another about one foot apart and toss a candy cane back and forth USING THEIR OPPOSITE HAND. Right-handers throw with their left. With each toss each player must take one step backward. Play continues until player misses their cane or the cane breaks.

Performance Activity: Sugar Plum Pole Dancers – 2-3 people

Scoring: Judges’ scores and 5 additional points if the dancers are coed.

Activity: Dance like you are the Sugar Plum Pole Dancers

Performance Activity: Christmas Conga Line – TEAM

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: Sing a Christmas song while dancing around in a Conga line

Performance Activity: 2 people

Scoring: Judges’ scores

Activity: Make up a Christmas song and sing it in format of your choice as a duet. Example: country, rap, opera, blues, etc.

TIE BREAKER or THE LAST CARD

Performance Activity: Marshmallow Toss – TEAM

Scoring: Most marshmallows in cup

Activity: One player from each team ties a red solo cup to their head. Both players kneel about six feet from their team. Team members try to toss the marshmallows into the red Solo cup.

Friday, December 14, 2018 – Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Friday, December 14, 2018 – Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio?

Oops. Wrong sport. Where have you gone Snarky Football Friday?

It is difficult to snark about college football when no games are being played. But tomorrow kicks off the Bowl Games. Here’s a quick reminder to assist you in your viewing of the increasingly growing number of college bowl games with stupid names. The further away from New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day the game is, the crappier the teams and games. In fact, some of these should be called Bowel Games. But hey it’s football.

Tomorrow we begin with the New Mexico Bowl Game between Utah State and North Texas on ESPN at 1:00. This is Utah State University whose mascot is Big Blue and not the Utes or the Cougars from BYU. I actually thought Big Blue was Michigan, but maybe Joseph or Brigham took the name with them. Big Blue is one of those anthropomorphic mascots (i.e. a person in a costume). At one time the university actually had a real live bull that was painted blue. But I think the Donner Party ate it. In spite of Utah State being a land grant school and thus Aggies, I’m going with Eagles of UNT.

In an instate battle between Louisiana schools we have the Autonation Cure Bowl between Tulane and Louisiana at 12:30 on CBSSN. The Green Wave versus Ragin Cajuns. This is being played in Camping World Stadium, but it is in Orlando Florida. However, I do not like to camp and watch football. I do like the name of this bowl – the Autonation Cure. Because I think the nation definitely needs some curing so I hope this helps.

In the Mitsubishi Motors Las Vegas Bowl we find Arizona State (no that is not Sumlin’s school) and Fresno State 2:30 ABC. Should be colorful costumes and/or uniforms.

Raycon Media Camellia Bowl Georgia Southern State University and Eastern Michigan University at 4:30 on ESPN. HWIT – PETA should be alerted because this means GASO versus EMU so it sounds like the emus are in danger of being gassed. Also, I Googled Raycom and only found headphones/earbuds. So I do not know why there a football bowl game named after headphones and the wife of Prince Charles’ of England.

At 8:00 on ESPN we have Middle Tennessee and Appalachian State in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl. I don’t what the R+L Carriers carry, but who cares? The game is in New Orleans. We can all have gumbo and cocktails and pretend we are in NOLA!

There are more bowl games next week. I must research the Cheribundi Boca Raton Bowl. Cheribundi? Is this Al Bundy’s sister? Perhaps it is similar to Cowabunga from the old Tarzan films.

Happy weekend. Stay warm.

Monday, December 3, 2018 – The Games Are Set

Monday, December 3, 2018 – The Games Are Set

The Committee has spoken. Alabama, Clemson, Oklahoma and Notre Dame. Those are the four that are in.

This leaves Georgia, Ohio State and most everybody else mad. The Big 12 wanted OU and not two teams from the SEC. Everybody is tired of Alabama except Alabama. They just keep on rolling.

I am so happy Notre Dame is playing Clemson on December 29 in the Cotton Bowl. The Cotton Bowl has never been kind to the Irish. Go Clemson.

There are 33 bowl games between December 15 and January 1. That is way too many to give comments. Unless you or your child or grandchild attends one of the universities, no one really cares about who is playing until the end of December.

Let’s take a preview of some of the action. One more thing. The SEC. It just means more. As in, 11 teams in bowl games.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF BOWLS

Academy Sports + Outdoors Texas Bowl (Houston) – Vanderbilt vs. Baylor – Dec. 27 – 8 pm CT – ESPN

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl (Nashville) – Auburn vs. Purdue – Dec. 28 – 1:30 pm CT – ESPN

Belk Bowl (Charlotte) – South Carolina vs. Virginia – Dec. 29 – Noon ET / 11 am CT – ABC

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl (Atlanta) – Florida vs. Michigan – Dec. 29 – 11 am CT – ESPN

Capital One Orange Bowl (Miami) – Alabama vs. Oklahoma – Dec. 29 – 7 pm CT – ESPN

AutoZone Liberty Bowl (Memphis) – Missouri vs. Oklahoma State – Dec. 31 – 2:45 pm CT – ESPN

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl (Jacksonville) – Texas A&M vs. North Carolina State – Dec. 31 – 7:30 pm CT – ESPN

PlayStation Fiesta Bowl (Phoenix) – LSU vs. Central Florida – Jan. 1 – Noon CT – ESPN

VRBO Citrus Bowl (Orlando) – Kentucky vs. Penn State – Jan. 1 – Noon CT – ABC

Outback Bowl (Tampa) – Mississippi State vs. Iowa – January 1 – 11:00 am CT – ESPN2

Allstate Sugar Bowl (New Orleans) – Georgia vs. Texas – Jan. 1 – 7:45 pm CT – ESPN

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Renew the Rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas by LAW. WHAT?

State Representative and Aggie, Lyle Larson, filed HB 412 for the 86th Texas Legislature that requires the two universities to schedule an annual nonconference football game the fourth Thursday, Friday of Saturday of November.

HWIT – Waste of paper; waste of time; and LSU and the SEC may have plenty to say about that date.

I would not be opposed to a game at a neutral site. Jerry World would probably like to host it. It would be good for recruiting, but I do not think legislation is needed to make it happen.

It seems that Alabama and Auburn did not play one another for decades due to contract disputes. It seemed to work out ok for both of those schools. Representative Larson wants to avoid such a situation. HWIT, I would rather not play THE University of Texas ever again if it meant the Texas Aggies would take over as annual number one with multiple national championships.

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Big scores; ugly helmets, home cooking and more. Let’s move the chains down the sideline and hand out my Monday after college football awards.

Washington 28 Washington State 15 – Both teams receive The Snow Globe Award. I award Mike Leach and the Washington State team The Frozen Award as we sing “Let it go.”

Penn State 38 and Maryland 3 – The Always A Contender for Ugly Helmet Award goes to Maryland. Can there possibly be a football helmet as ugly? Penn State says yes – Ohio State.

Michigan 39 Ohio State 62 – So another Ugly Helmet Award goes to the Buckeyes of Ohio State for their pot leaf helmets. I award Michigan the Where’s Waldo Wolverine Award. Did the real team miss the bus?

Clemson 56 South Carolina 35 – Clemson wins the Palmetto Trophy. Uncle Will Muschamp better get the Gamecocks winning. He wins The Coach’s Hot Seat for 2019.

Alabama 52 Auburn 21 – Alabama wins the Tina Turner Award as they continue Rolling Down the River!

To the Big 12

Baylor 35 Texas Tech 24 – Kliff Kingsbury receives the Mac Davis Award because Kliff will be seeing Lubbock in his review mirror.

Oklahoma West Virginia 59-56 – I award The Aerial Heisman Display Award to both teams. Also both teams receive the You Just Thought You Scored a lot of Points Awards

Texas 24 Kansas 17 – I award THE University of Texas the Back to the Big 12 Championship Award. Enjoy your Hat Trophy, because the Big 12 One goes back to Oklahoma next Saturday. To the Kansas Jayhawks I award the Robert Frost Award because you have Miles to go before you sleep with a football trophy.

Let’s see. It seems I am leaving a game out. What game would that be?

LSU 72 Texas A&M 74 7 OT

Load up the trailers and tote off the awards. Seven Overtimes!

Miss Reveille as the Aggies take the field. She usually doesn’t bark. She must have known something.

To the LSU Tigers and the Texas Aggies I award the following:

  • Great Game Award
  • Poopy Undies Award
  • Pepto Bismal Award for upset as in the game, the LSU fans, my stomach.
  • Manicure Award for a nail biter
  • Unbelievable Stamina Award – this award goes to the teams, coaches and fans.
  • Neither Team Should Have Lost Award
  • Unbelievable Game Awards
  • Great Plays Awards
  • Great Coaching Awards
  • One for the Record Books
  • Epic Game Award
  • It’s a Rivalry Now Award
  • Lastly – I award the Referees at Kyle Field the Home Cooking Award. Sometimes it’s hard to see out of bounds on the home field.

The Bowl Projections are out. Here is a bowl game I would NOT like to see.

Oregon in their bright, yellow, banana, high liter uniforms, playing Washington State in all red uniforms on the Boise State blue field. It could be called The Primary Colors Bowl.

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS!

I know. The Snark gets a five yard penalty for delay of writing. But it was critical that I participate in the Annual Day After Thanksgiving Day Tradition in Texas. That means greasy, cheesy, Mexican food. Then I had to take a siesta.

I do hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. I fell asleep before I could see the all-out brawl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Granted it was only 8:00, but fermented Chardonnay grapes in liquid form make me sleepy. Nice job Mississippi State for winning the game. I did not see who won the brawl.

Because I was late, I was not able to snark appropriately on THE University of Texas. Who plays an 11:00 game on the Friday after Thanksgiving? Here’s what I’m thinking. Kansas? Kansas is your big Thanksgiving Day game now? Bet you miss us Aggies now, huh? The Horns will play for The Big 12 Title against the winner of Oklahoma and West Virginia. Remember, you are playing for the Big 12 Championship and to avoid The Alamo Bowl.

The contest between OU and West Virginia is tonight in Morgantown and on ESPN at 7:00. The Sooners want a redemption game against Texas. Texas wants a second chance at the Mountaineers. Therefore, lock up the women and children and the old sofas. I do not think the sofas will burn but one must be prepared.

It is called rivalry weekend because the games are traditionally played between the State University and the Land Grant University of each state.

In the Apple Bowl on Fox at 7:30 between the rival schools in Washington. Washington Huskies and Washington State. Let’s let Mikey do it.

On Saturday at 11:00 on Fox we have #4 Michigan and #10 Ohio State. I do not have a name for this contest, so I’m going to call it The Kathy Day Game for the only person I know from Ohio. This is a classic, long-time rivalry that goes back to 1897. Current Head Coach for OSU, Urban Meyer is 6-0 against Michigan. Does Urban have a brother named Rural?

Florida and Florida State also plays at 11:00. Does anyone really care?

At 2:30 on CBS, we have Auburn and Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Although a better name for Auburn might be The Rusted Iron Bowl. Roll Tide.

South Carolina is at Clemson for The Championship of South Carolina.

Tennessee and Vanderbilt play for The Championship of Tennessee.

And now! The game. A clash two land grants. Let us begin where I left off yesterday.

“Dear Lord, It has been 23 years since the Aggies beat LSU in football. TWENTY-THREE YEARS! George H.W.Bush was the president of The United States. Daddy Bush! The World Wide Web on the Internet was only a year old!

Lord, bless the Fort Worth Times sports writer who wrote “that if the Aggies do not beat LSU, it will expose Jimbo Fisher as a fraud. The Aggies will be the same old Ags, as coached by all the others to a mediocre season.” Bless me, Lord and please keep me from firing off a hateful letter to the reporter, verbally kicking his ass and calling him “probably a graduate of TU.”

I do understand that the contest between Texas A&M and LSU cannot be referred to as a Rivalry Game because one team has to beat the other on to get a rivalry started. Let’s get this rivalry started and BTHO LSU!

So, Lord, if you could see your way to not letting time run out before the Aggies can win it would really be appreciated.

A reminder to out of state guests – Texas does not sell liquor on Sundays. Beer and wine can be purchased at 12:00.