Category Archives: Misc.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019 – When Histamines Attack! Or Vicks to the Rescue and More!

Wednesday, August 14, 2019 – When Histamines Attack! Or Vicks to the Rescue and More!

Good Day! I am here today with my colleague Dr. Pepper, and we are presenting a public service announcement with information learned recently when the histamines attacked.

Recently, the Histamines, from the Isthmus of Histamonia, attacked my nasal passages, my throat, my lungs, my eyes, and probably other body parts I was not aware of. In a frantic search I immediately ingested all types of ANTI histamines including the jar of Vicks Vapor Rub to rid myself of my inner mucus.

In so doing and being bored, but between nose blowing and coughing, I found the following website that should be essential knowledge to all regarding Histamines and other forms microbes that attack the human body.

There are 40 uses listed, but I only list My Twelve Favorites.

http://www.shareably.net/vicks-vaporub-problems-solve/

Today, you will be able to list at least twelve major uses of Vicks as defined below. Then for your assessment of understanding, we will draw a random number and you must demonstrate the corresponding use of Vicks. To receive credit for this online class, you must send a pic of you demonstrating the number of use drawn. Ready? My comments are in italics.

  1. Chest Rub – Rub Vicks on your chest when congested. We all know this works. The research of The Big Bang Theory’s Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler support the hypothesis that use of Vicks on the chest and the singing of Soft Kitty hastens wellness and decreases mucus.
  2. Night coughs – Rub Vicks on the bottom of your feet and then put on socks to prevent night coughing. Research indicates this works, but so does a shot of Nyquil and why does it not work in the daytime to stop coughing?
  3. Neosporin replacement – If you run out of Neosporin, use VapoRub as a replacement. Spread a thin layer around the wounded area (splinters, cuts, etc.) to help accelerate the healing process. It also helps protect against germs and bacteria. Number one – why are you out of Neosporin?
  4. Treat acne – You can put some VapoRub on your pimples, acne, or other blemishes and leave it on overnight. When you wash it off in the morning your blemish should be gone. Try this remedy of other skin treatments aren’t working for you. If you have to use Vicks for acne treatment, call 1-555-Dermatolgist.
  5. Fight toenail fungus Thymol is one of the main ingredients in Vicks VapoRub and is great for blocking the growth of fungus because of its antiseptic, antimicrobial and antibacterial properties. All you have to do is rub some of it on the bed of your nail and toenail to get rid of the fungus. It does not say how long this routine is carried out. Wear socks until it goes away.
  6. As bug repellent – Apply a thin layer of VapoRub to exposed skin, and it will repel annoying insects like mosquitoes. This is perfect for camping or when traveling through humid areas. The strong scent will deter bugs from coming your way. It will also keep others from coming your way. Just stay indoors.
  7. Want to get rid of fat and cellulite? – Apply some VapoRub mixed with camphor, baking soda, and a little bit of alcohol. Rub this mixture on the area you want to slim down and cover it with plastic wrap. Do you drink the alcohol or mix it with the Vicks?
  8. Relieve sore muscles – The menthol in Vicks can help to not only offer a refreshing cool to your skin, but it can also help to improve your blood circulation. After physical activity, just grab some Vicks and rub it onto any areas that are experiencing soreness. This should provide relief and comfort to any painful areas. If you don’t want to smell like Ben Gay or Walter, this could be an alternate smell.
  9. Keep your horse focused – If you ride horses, listen up. You can keep a horse from getting distracted by the scent of female horses by applying some VapoRub under his nose. No need to let mating season stop you from going on a ride. No one likes a distracted horse. I wonder if it works on men?
  10. Get rid of warts – Have a nasty wart that suddenly appeared? No problem. Apply VapoRub to your warts twice a day for two weeks. Cover the area with gauze in between until the wart disappears. It also helps if you go outside, face the East, bury an unwashed potato at midnight and turn around three times.
  11. Hide bad smells – Everyday life can build up into some bad smells. Whether it’s from a baby’s diaper or taking out the trash, relieve the bad smell by making your own Vick’s air freshener or applying some under your nose. Your sinuses will thank you. Remember? Clarisse did this in Silence of the Lambs?
  12. Treat hemorrhoids – Hopefully you won’t have to use Vick’s VapoRub for this reason. But fun fact, for small, itchy hemorrhoids, apply Vick’s on there and let the menthol drown out the itch. But make sure to know if you can tolerate the burn first by testing Vick’s on another part of your body. WTH!

Now for your assessment. The number drawn is …

Sorry. The number drawn is Number 12. Please make a video of your face upon application! PLEASE!!!

Tuesday, August 6, 2019 – Worst Ever!

Tuesday, August 06, 2019 – Worst Ever!

From the Helen Keller-Stevie Wonder School of Football Uniform Design we have the alternate uniform for Michigan State University – The Spartans. Note: Caution is urged if you look or read further.

In a failed attempt to simulate the success of the University of Oregon’s football uniforms of highlighter yellow and shades of green not on the colorwheel, Michigan State chose this to wear on Saturdays. It is call their alternate uniform.

Really? What team wears a uniform the color of Granny Smith apples? It looks as though the player stepped in a giant Sara Lee key lime pie.

From the website – just Google Michigan State Uniforms

“The numbers and STATE emblazoned across the chest look like the text size on your grandpa’s iPhone. The splash of sea-sick granny apple is bad enough on the torso, but when paired with the toxic chemical spill that are the pants, induces something akin to a pre-frontal lobotomy on unlucky onlookers.”

Here’s what I’m thinking. I think Nike used left over paint remains from making Oregon uniforms and made these for you, Michigan State. Now you see why their bid was the lowest. Either that you bought them at Wal-Mart.

I do not need nor want to see this in high definition against any team, but I especially do not want to see it against Ohio State or Michigan. Too much color. To Michigan State: If you play on one of those weird blue or red football fields I will puke before I can change the channel.

Now I must go wash my eyeballs.

Wednesday, July 31, 2019 – “At the End of Regulation…”

Wednesday, July 31, 2019 – “At the End of Regulation…”

I just love a barbershop quartet – especially a smack talking foursome. I think I will hire these guys for Snarky Football Fridays. Consider today official Snarky Football Fridays practice.

This is a video you will want to watch several times to catch it all.  Be sure to watch the quartet’s lapel buttons.

Let’s sing along – four part harmony only!

“…Alabama! Alabama! Since Saban came…”

GIG ‘EM AGGIES! “At the end of regulation …”

https://youtu.be/AG3aeeBUp9c

 

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Sometime over this weekend someone will post the number of Saturdays, the actual number of days, and the hours and minutes until college football kickoff. It might be me, but it could any one of you anxiously waiting for our favorite teams to fill the weekend TV screens.

Media Days began on Monday, July 15, and marked the unofficial start of college football season. Therefore, we have the start of Unofficial Snarky Friday. Snarky Friday is where I post my snarky comments regarding college football.

Media Days is the week when representatives from the NCAA Division I football conferences congregated in front of the media. Coaches and young men appear all dressed up, speak and answer questions from various sports media outlets.

This is the time where you hear words and phrases such as:

  • One game at a time
  • Big shoes to fill at that position
  • Big number of starters returning
  • Outstanding freshman
  • Seasoned quarterback
  • Alabama keeps whining (hey I am just paraphrasing ESPN)
  • New head coach and
  • A most difficult schedule.

As you know this blog is about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Let’s first take a look at the Big 12 – Really Only 10 – Conference. It consists of THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University, seven other schools and Kansas that prays for basketball season to arrive. The Red River Rivalry is going to be fun, fun, fun. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Jalen Hurts won the Heisman?

Now to the – It Just Means More Conference – the SEC. I conducted a comparative analysis of the Texas Aggie Football Schedule and the SEC media days. Here’s what I’m thinking:

Media Day Schools – July 15

Florida – Do Not Care

Missouri – Really Do Not Care

LSU – Happy Thanksgiving! November 30. I shall wear my 7 OT Shirt from last year’s victory.

Media Day Schools – July 16

Mississippi – October 19 – Off to Oxford.

Tennessee – Nope!

Texas A&M – Significantly biased

Georgia – Oh crap! November 23 in Athens and seven days before LSU!

Media Day Schools – Wednesday, July 17

Arkansas – OMG! Winter is coming! September 28 in Arlington with a possibility of Nick Starkle at QB!

I am not sitting next to the damn pig this year.

Alabama – OMG! Winter is coming! October 10. Twelfth Man in the Stands! And in the streets and the whole Brazos Valley.

Mississippi State – OMG! Winter is coming! And so are the cowbells. October 26.

South Carolina – OMG! Winter is coming! But the only chicken we like is the Dixie Chicken.

Media Day Schools – Thursday, July 18

Auburn – September 21 – September 21 – the first of the three A’s. (Auburn, Arkansas and Alabama)

Kentucky – Do Not Care

Vanderbilt – Do Not Care

I am not aware if football schedules are given names that parallel similar physical events. But if so, I would like to name the Texas Aggie football schedule the following:

The 2019 Texas Aggie Football Root Canal, Gynecological/Prostate Exam and Hot Water Enema Schedule

Did I mention the Aggies play Clemson on September 7?

 

Tuesday, July 16, 2019 – Tuesday Profundity

Tuesday, July 16, 2019 – Tuesday Profundity

Whoever said “April is the cruelest month,” never lived in Texas in the summer. Dang it is hot. Feels like being in Hell wearing gasoline underwear.

Speaking of underwear… I know; the transition is a stretch, but so is the underwear.

I was actually planning to write something profound and highly intelligent sounding today. While the day began quite well, it was shortly after I got to the gym that everything did a complete 180.

I was doing a five minute warm-up on the elliptical. Into about minute one of the exercise, I realized something was amiss among the nether region. Nevertheless, I finished exercise, stepped down and calmly walked to the Women’s Room.

I not only had my spandex undershorts on backwards, they were wrong side out. In my attempt to correct, I almost dropped my outer, regular shorts in the toilet. Therefore, I am not writing anything profound other than “Check your underwear before you go out.”

Stay cool.

Don’t Mess With Our Blue Bell!

“April is the cruelest month,” by T. S. Eliot, is the opening like of The Waste Land.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019 – Go Vandy!

Wednesday, June 26, 2019 – Go Vandy!

The winner of tonight’s College World Series will be decided. Tonight is Game three in the final best two of three series between Vanderbilt and Michigan. The series is tied. I am picking Vanderbilt and here’s why.

  • I have been to Nashville.
  • I have never been to Ann Arbor.
  • Vanderbilt is in the SEC.
  • Great Uniforms
    • The military look looks good on the players. In the final regional game Vandy wore an army brown and in game one of the CWS the players wore a drab olive green. It is difficult to wear a dirt brown and drab olive uniform and still be able to pull it off with red, white, and blue accessories and patches.
    • Pinstripes – I am a sucker for pinstripes. The black uniforms with gold pinstripes were outstanding. They too were accessorized with gold and white colors.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Tonight, as Vanderbilt faces off against Michigan, the Vandy players should wear Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, with a gold and white jersey and black lettering. It just seems right, don’t you think?

Win it for Gloria and the rest of the SEC!

 

Friday, June 7, 2019 – Do You Ever Wonder?

Friday, June 7, 2019 – Do You Ever Wonder?

Do you ever wonder what the crime lab team would say if they had to come into your house if you had an accident while you were away?

Here’s what I’m thinking they might say upon entering my house.

  • Ooh, PHEW! She has a cat!
  • Not much of a house keeper, was she?
  • Did she have a date or is she just lazy and doesn’t pick her clothes up off of the floor? (I think we all know the answer to this one.)
  • Help, me! I’m stuck in the kitchen. To the floor!
  • Well, she did make her bed!

Stay cool this weekend. In Texas the weekend weather forecasts just post pictures of the hinges of Hell. Then again, God gave the Devil the choice of where to live – Hell or Texas in the summer. Heat index could be 107 degrees.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019 – “An Uncommon Ability to Inspire Men and Lead Them to Exceptional Achievement”

Wednesday, June 05, 2019 – “An Uncommon Ability to Inspire Men and Lead Them to Exceptional Achievement.”

Watch the news and see those WWII soldiers who stormed the Beaches of Normandy. They are now in their 90’s and return to the beaches where many gave the greatest sacrifice. You will see them tear up as they remember that day. They were 18 and 19 years old. They saw their friends and buddys blown away in front of their eyes. They took bullets. They will tell you they were scared, but doing what had to be done.

We owe these brave men our gratitude, our respect and most of all our freedom. He is the story of one.

James Earl Rudder

May 6, 1910–March 23, 1970

The German army considered Pointe du Hoc a perfect spot for defending the coast of France from Allied forces during World War II. From atop its hundred-foot cliffs, German guns could reach both Omaha Beach and Utah Beach. The Germans thought their position was secure. And it was—until June 1944, when Texan James Earl Rudder and his Second Ranger Battalion began to climb those cliffs.

Rudder graduated from Texas A&M University in 1932 and was commissioned a second lieutenant in the Army Reserves. He taught high school and college and coached football until he was called to active duty in 1941. He trained U.S. Army Rangers for one of D-Day’s most dangerous operations: taking Pointe du Hoc.

During the assault, over half of Rudder’s men were killed or wounded, and Rudder himself was shot in the leg. But the high ground was seized, and the German guns were silenced.

After the war, Rudder continued to take on tough challenges. As president of Texas A&M, he supported optional membership in the Corps of Cadets and helped open the university to women, despite great opposition.

When he died in 1970, Rudder was celebrated for his courageous leadership in both war and peace. An inscription on Rudder Tower, located on the A&M campus, remembers Rudder’s “uncommon ability to inspire men and lead them to exceptional achievement.”

For More about James Earl Rudder

In June 2011, Humanities Texas published an excerpt from Thomas M. Hatfield’s 2011 book Rudder: From Leader to Legend in our monthly e-newsletter. The excerpt details the Second Ranger Battalion’s first night on Pointe du Hoc.

The James Earl Rudder Collection, 1918–2001, is held by Texas A&M University’s Cushing Library. The collection includes materials from Rudder’s time in the service during World War II, clippings from newspapers, posters, magazine issues, memorabilia, and Rudder’s awards.

In recognition of the significance of Rudder’s tenure as president of Texas A&M University, the university erected a sculpture of Rudder in 1993. The statue, which was designed by Lawrence M. Ludtke, was originally located in front of Bizzell Hall, but was moved in 2009 to stand at the south end of Military Walk.

https://www.humanitiestexas.org/programs/tx-originals/list/james-earl-rudder

James Earl Rudder’s Legacy Was Born 75 Years Ago At D-Day

June 3, 2019 – WOW! Thank You and Crazy People in the South

June 3, 2019 – WOW! Thank You and Crazy People in the South

Well, dang! I think every friend I have on Facebook left an emotion or a comment on my Van Gogh postings. I had no idea ya’ll is as cultured as I is. Of course, none of my family bothered as usual to read. Between those who do not do FB and those who have probably unfriended or unfollowed me, that leaves only one and she has some very important things going on in her life so she is excused for the moment. Oh well, we must love them as they are and vice versa.

For cousin, R. Faraldo, we were wondering when you said you climbed the walls of the asylum like Van Gogh, were you climbing in or out? Of course, I am from the same gene pool so I imagine it could have been either way. Given the stories told and the alleged stunts our families did, we all should have been in Pineville at some point. Of course they are from Louisiana. Thank God, I was born in Texas and we have crazy people too – they just carry guns.  For the record like Dr. Sheldon Cooper, “I am not crazy. My mother had me tested.”  I have a unique sense of humor.

I do hope my family sits me in the living room because as Julia Sugarbaker says about Crazy People in the South…

https://youtu.be/Bb4eVbmHcbg

 

Wednesday, May 8, 2019 – In Honor of Standardized Testing or STARR This Post

Wednesday, May 8, 2019 – In Honor of Standardized Testing or STARR This Post

In honor of standardized tests, let’s do a math word problem.

How much does it cost to score one assessment in one content area in Texas?

Let’s pretend the content area is English Language/Arts, Grade Five.

You will need to know how many fifth graders across Texas took the test. Call somebody at TEA and find an answer you like or Google it and figure a reasonable sum. Or just use 80,000. That is the current number possibly held back this year due to performance. Now that deserves an F-bomb!

Proceeding onward with the number of scorers. Remember, you are only looking at costs for scoring one content area for one grade level. Ready?

At one assessment site, there are two shifts of scorers.

1st shift clocks in at 8:00 am and clocks out at 4:30 pm. This shift makes $11.50 per hour.

2nd shift clocks in at 5:00 pm and clocks out at 10:30 pm. This shift makes $12.50 per hour.

Both shifts receive a non-paid 30-minute lunch and two non-paid 15-minute breaks.

If you are unable to meet your scoring daily and/or weekly quota, you are dismissed. If you miss more than three days during the testing period, you are dismissed.

There are five rooms of scorers, plus a number of supervisors and other ancillary people. Each room has 150 Dell Computers.

A standard scoring period is about six weeks – Monday through Saturday. One is not required to work on Saturdays so factor about 75 scorers for Saturdays. Saturday scorers make $12.50 per hour.

The amount you come up with reflects the amount paid to score one grade level, one content area, for six weeks. You can either show your work or just give an F-bomb to the world of assessment.

For extra credit calculate the costs for other content areas and grade levels being scored.

Keep your voter registration card current!