Category Archives: Misc.

Friday, November 15, 2019 – The Return of the Snark

Friday, November 15, 2019 – The Return of the Snark

This is for the three of you of missed me. I apologize. I was taking an online course from The University of Legarthy. FYI – I made an A.

We are now at the point in the season of college football where each snap matters. Every touch of the football is critical. Each down is the “big play.” As I always state, this is about teams I like or teams that play teams I like. If you follow, Penn State, Michigan, Michigan State and/or Ohio State, find somebody who likes your teams.

So, this weekend, here is who I like and what I am thinking about each.

Alabama at Mississippi State at 11:00 on ESPN. See what happens when you lose a game. You get the awful 11:00 time slot. The cow bells are especially annoying at this hour.

Navy at ND 1:30 on NBC. Anchors Away! And take the weird leprechaun with you. RL, I shall await your weekly ND text.

THE University of Texas at Iowa State 2:30 on FS1. Even though Baylor students and faculty are turning the Brazos River into Holy Water for this weekend, do not look ahead. Else Bevo will be the cow in the Twister movie. The Cyclones are unpredictable.

Georgia and Auburn 2:30 on CBS. This is a keep the remote handy game with conference and bowl implications. The Snark crystal Bball says Georgia will be upset before the end of the season.

LSU and Ole Miss 6:00 on ESPN. Sweet memories of the Halloween Game of days gone by. Miss you Cousin Donnie Daye. And Cousin Penny too. Geaux Tigers!

Oklahoma at Baylor 6:30 on ABC. As mentioned, the Brazos River that runs by McLane Stadium is being filled with holy water in an effort to keep Baylor undefeated.  It is not like there have not been miracles on the Brazos in previous years.

ESPN Game Day will be broadcast from Waco. HWIT. This is a biggie. It is a huge game with Big 12 Conference titles and bowl game selections on line.

Fans are expected to start camping out around the stadium around 4:00 pm TODAY! The Home Depot Campus Cornhole Challenge is from 1:-30-3:30. I can’t wait until Cornhole becomes an NCAA sport.

The Snark’s crystal ball says Chip and Joanna will be guest pickers with food coming from their Magnolia Diner. The Magnolia Diner is where the original Elite on the Circle café was. If you have been to Waco and gone around “the circle” a few times, you know what I am talking about. I even have a button that says “I survived The Elite Circle.” Watch out Bears, you could get stuck in “the circle.”

With the remote firmly in hand to keep up with Baylor, naturally I shall be watching:

South Carolina at Texas A&M 6:30 on SECN. This is the last home game before Jimbo and the Ags go on the road again to Athens and Baton Rouge to close out the season.

The A&M fans will “pass it back” and will join the South Carolina fans by holding up three fingers in the third quarter to honor the life of Tyler Hilinski. Tyler is the late brother of South Carolina quarterback Ryan Hilinski. Tyler was also a Division I quarterback at Washington State. Tyler took his own life in January 2018. The family’s organization of Hilinski’s Hope calls attention to mental illness among athletes.

However, at the end of the Fourth Quarter the Aggies will

BTHO out of South Carolina. Gig ‘Em Aggies!

Friday, October 25, 2019 – Snarky Friday

Friday, October 25, 2019 – Snarky Friday

It is a delay of snark for me today. I had to go to the store to ready myself for the cold weather. There was a 50 degree temperature drop in Texas yesterday between The Panhandle and South Texas. Amarillo was blanketed in snow and it was 87 degrees in the Brazos Valley. Today it is 49 degrees. Therefore, it was necessary to obtain the four basic food groups for a drizzly, rainy, cold, baseball and football weekend. The four groups are sweet, salty, alcohol and chocolate.

Depending on what the Astros do tonight, I will not have to go to the store again Saturday for football.

But let’s get snarked on college football teams. The early morning football screen time draws are:

At 11:00 we start the day with the Texas Aggies and the Mississippi State Bulldogs on SEC Network. Hold on to your pants, Kellen! We do not want to see a moon over Kyle Field. There will be lots of maroon and white. Reveille likes Bully. Please do not bring those cowbells!

Opposite at 11:00 on ABC the Sooners of OU right their Schooner and roll over Kansas State. Jalen collects statistics!

At 2:30 THE University of Texas goes to Cowtown in Fort Worth to play TCU on Fox. If the Texas defense does not show up again this week, this could be a close one with Purple Rain.

The big football game that has significant meaning is on CBS at 2:30 with Auburn in Death Valley meeting LSU. In this battle of the tigers, Mike will be victorious over Aubie. LSU and the Burrows Boys! This is your time to put the fear of Death Valley into Auburn and the rest of the SEC!

I was told I forgot to mention Penn State last week. Penn State visits Michigan State on ABC at 2:30. This is a definite possibility for Ugly Uniform Award. So there you go I mentioned it.

At 6:00 Arkansas goes to Alabama to be rolled over by The Tide on ESPN. Another opportunity for Tua to rest.

At 6:30 the Notre Dame Fenians take their gold flaked helmets to The Big House and play Michigan. Harbaugh? If you want to save your job, this would be good time to start. Note: Fenians – one must know their Irish History.

Also on Saturday the Astros will be playing Game 4 of the World Series. In further prognostications (why say ‘guesses when a four syllable word will do?), the Astros will even the series and return to H-Town!

BTHO Mississippi State!

Two months from today! Merry Christmas!

Friday, October 17, 2019 – A Snarky Friday Drinking Game

Friday, October 17, 2019 – A Snarky Friday Drinking Game

Are you ready?

Hell Yeah. Damn right!

Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty

Who the Hell are we?

Bim Bam Flim Flam

Ole Miss by damn.

Since Texas A&M is travelling to Oxford to play the Ole Miss, today we snark with a toddy drinking game. Grab your favorite beverage and play along. For each incorrect answer, you must take a shot.

What is the name of the mascot for each college football team listed below?

Let us begin with a few easy ones. For example:

          Texas A&M – Reveille

          THE University of Texas – Bevo

Remember. Name the mascot; not the team.

  • Alabama – Big Al. It is the name of the anthropomorphic (dressed up college student) elephant. The homecoming queen used to ride in on an elephant. Some traditions need to be brought back. Drink up.
  • Georgia – UGA the bulldog. A very cool, live mascot, but drools.
  • LSU – Mike, the Tiger. How could you not know this? One of the most beautiful live mascots in football.
  • Mississippi State – Bully the bulldog. Very cool live mascot. Does he wear a cowbell around his neck?

LSU at Mississippi State at 2:30 on CBS.

  • Arkansas – Tusk. Big ugly, black hog.
  • Auburn – Aubie the Tiger. Anthropomorphic, fake Tiger. Aubie? What is the war eagle’s name? AubieBird? You didn’t know either one of those. Drink!

Auburn at Arkansas 11:00 SEC

  • Florida – Albert and Alberta Gator. Drink up. I know you did not know this one. I think they should be Mr. and Mrs. Choppers. Albert and Alberta are kinda cute anthropomorphic critters if you are into mascots that can kill you.

Florida at South Carolina at 11:00 on ESPN

Think you are doing well? Let’s move on. Hic!

  • Ole Miss – Tony the Land Shark. Drink up. You know you said Rebels. Tony the Land Shark became the Ole Miss mascot in August of 2018. It has to do with a former Ole Miss player who was an Iraqi veteran. I have no idea why it is a shark, especially since Oxford is almost in Tennessee.

Texas A&M at Ole Miss at 6:30 on SEC.

  • Tennessee – Smokey. A coon hound, but I’m sure he Volunteers for the honor.

Tennessee at Alabama 8:00 ESPN.

  •  Vanderbilt – Mr. Commodore. Really? Just Mr. Commodore? Not even Cornelius or Gloria? Maybe Stingy Railroad Tycoon was already taken.

 

  • Baylor – Judge Joy and Judge Lady. Did you know that in 1914 the choice of mascots was between “Bears” and “Bookworms? “In 1974, the student body voted to name all the bears “Judge” followed by a surname in honor of the university’s namesake, Judge R.E.B. Baylor. Baylor’s current mascots are “Joy,” named in honor of the wife of President Emeritus (and former Chancellor) Herbert H. Reynolds, and the newest mascot, “Lady” named after Sue Sloan, wife of then-President Dr. Robert B. Sloan Jr.
  • Oklahoma State –Pistol Pete. But did you know that Bullet is the name of the black quarter horse ridden prior to OSU home games?

Oklahoma State and Baylor 3:00 on Fox

  • Kansas – Big Jay. Sounds like a rapper.

Kansas at THE University of Texas at 6:00 on LHN.

  • OU – Boomer and Sooner. I think they are anthropomorphic horses.

OU and WVa at 11:00 on Fox

  • SMU – Peruna. Not a fake horse. The horse was named after a popular patent medicine made up of 18 % alcohol.
  • Texas Tech – The Masked Rider. I really think Tech should rethink the mascot thing. Red Raider, Masked Rider with Guns Up is a no. The Texas Tech Flying Tortillas has potential.
  • Ohio State – Brutus Buckey. But if you said Pot Leaves Helmet, at this point in the game, we’ll take it. Drink.
  • And last and least – Notre Dame – Leprechaun. Leprechaun? Saints preserve us. No name. Not even a Mr. Leprechaun? Not even a Saint Patrick? Or a Muffet? Just Leprechaun? If ND is the Fighting Irish, I think the mascot should be named the IRA or Sinn Fein. Just saying.

RL? Did you know those gold, faux halo helmets of ND are really painted with gold? 23/9 karat gold flake in the paint of every helmet. Sounds flakey to me.

How many drinks did you take? Can you say anthropomorphic?

BTHO OLE MISS

GO ASTROS! BRING IT!

 

Friday, October 11 – A Snarky Friday Musical – College Football – Week Seven

Friday, October 11 – A Snarky Friday Musical – College Football Week Seven

But first, the Football Snark would like to begin with a Big Green and Gold Snark to Baylor and to the idiots who voted Baylor ahead of The Texas Aggies in the top 25. I do not care if you are 5 and 0. Play Clemson, Alabama, Georgia and LSU and then we’ll talk RPI. Oh well, the Aggies don’t have to play Oklahoma or THE University of Texas. Nevertheless, I do hope the Bears open a big can of Brazos River Whoop Ass on Tortilla Tech.

There are only a three games worth watching this Saturday, but each one has critical consequences for conference championships, bowl games and individual honors. Fortunately, the TV Gods and Goddesses of college football programming ensured that we can watch them all one right after another.

First at 11:00 am we have the Red River Rivalry between Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas on Fox. The Horns and the Sooner Fans will be rushing to The Cotton Bowl. Of course, if you know where The Cotton Bowl Stadium is located in Dallas, one knows you do not want to spend a great deal of time without rushing along in the Hood.

So put that Sooner Schooner hat on, get your honey lamb and I and sing along with our first musical number celebrating the game as the winds comes whipping down the plains for…

…We know we belong to the land!
And the land we belong to is grand!
And when we say, yeeow-a-yip-i-o-ee ay!
We’re only sayin’ You’re doin’ fine, Oklahoma! Oklahoma, Heisman!

With an encore of …

Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, O-K-U!

At 2:30 on CBS (oh crap, does that mean Gary Danielson will announce? Oh yucky face emoji.) The Fighting Texas Aggies, Home of The 12th Man, guarded by Reveille, The Wonder Woman Collie and fans with memories of Johnny Manziel,  host The Rolling Crimson Tide from Alabama. If you’re going a play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddle in your band.

So tune up those guitars, banjos and fiddles as the residents of The Brazos Valley welcome the Fans of The Alabama Crimson Tide with this musical number. Hit it, Band!

Oh, I come from Alabama

With a banjo on my knee

I’m going to College Station

The Aggies for to see.

Oh that 12th Man, Oh, don’t you yell on me,

But I will then beat Georgia and win the SEC.

It rained all night the day I left

The weather it was dry,

The sun so hot I frozen myself

But that’s the Texas skies!

Oh that 12th Man, Oh don’t you yell on me

But I’ll take of Auburn, a game we want to see.

I had a dream the other night;

When everything was still,

I dreamed I saw Miss Reveille

She was coming down the hill,

A crimson rose was in her mouth

A tear was in her eye

I said it is the last year, so Rev don’t you cry. 

Wait till next year, when Jimbo takes you down,

But welcome to College Station where Aggies are found.

If those two contests do not have you cussing, singing and screaming at the TV, you still have a chance at 7:00 on ESPN when the Legends of Steve Spurrier and the Florida Gators invade Death Valley in Baton Rouge to try to chomp the LSU Tigers. Advance warning: The Gators will wear orange helmets, blue jerseys and blue pants. Anyone ever see a blue alligator?

But on to our final musical number. Since I was a small child, I was taught by my Louisiana relatives, NEVER PULL FOR A TEAM FROM FLORIDA! I also could sing this song until I drank the maroon kool-aid.

So let’s hear it for the Girls in Gold and Purple sequins with the mysterious black bags. and the LSU Marching Band – The Golden Band from Tiger Land. GEAUX TIGERS! Note: the bags are filled with gator bait from Bayou Teche.

And I want to see everybody up and doing a high kick routine toward the end.

Horns Down!

BTHO ALABAMA!

GEAUX TIGERS!

https://youtu.be/YZ4e35_hdjE

Friday, September 27, 2019 – Snark – Week Five

Friday, September 27, 2019 – Snark – Week Five

It is a Bob Wills’ weekend because There’s big balls in Cowtown; So let’s all go downtown.

Actually, the only game in Cowtown, also known as Fort Worth, is Kansas at TCU, but Arlington is close enough for Shark Work so let’s start there.

Not only is there football with big balls, it is the opening of the State Fair of Texas in Dallas! So let’s begin with the Bloody Mary Morning, 11:00 games and a breakfast menu.

We have the Texas A&M Aggies and The University of Arkansas pigs at 11:00 on ESPN. I shall have a side of fried bacon, fried sausage, fried ham, fried pork chops and some pork rinds – all presented tastefully on a wooden stick. This could be a two Bloody Mary game. Starkle may sparkle as the One Who Got Away!

Texas Tech at Oklahoma at 11:00 on Fox – I shall also have a deep fried tortilla for Tortilla Tech with a side of fried butter on a stick. I doubt many tortillas will fly at Norman because Jalen is going to Hurt you bad.

Kansas at TCU on FS1 – Jayhawks and Horn Frogs kick off at 11:00. Worth an occasional check.

Heading in to the 2:30 time slot we find the following:

Iowa State Baylor at 2:30 on ESPN – Always interesting and always scary for the Bears. There is something about the Weather Pattern mascot (Cyclones) besides their ugly color combination uniforms that keeps you guessing until time runs out. Sic ‘Em, Bears!

Ole Miss and Alabama at 2:30 on CBS – Hotty Toddy, God Almighty, but not this weekend Rebels. The Tide is just beginning to Roll. Did you know that Nick Saban was playing football at Kent State when the shootings took place? He and his friends decided to go get something to eat and then walk back across campus. They had just left the eating establishment and arrived back on campus shortly after the shootings and became part of the resulting chaos. Had they not gone to lunch first, they would have been in the middle of the entire tragic incident. Source: Saturdays in the South –The History of the SEC on SEC network. Check it out.

Virginia at Notre Dame on the Notre Dame Network, NBC at 2:30. Yes, Virginia, there is a RL and he will text his ND comment. Go Cavaliers!

Towson at Florida at 3:00 on SEC Network – Towson? Blah! Tongue out emoji.

And in the dinner hour or in this case supper hour cause it is the South, ya’ll know, we find:

Mississippi State and Auburn at 6:00 on ESPN – The Bulldog cowbells are ringing as they Dream of Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair. You know like in the hair color – Auburn? We gonna need some Big Solid plays with interceptions and run backs. Sideline bar: Elf, I was very disappointed that the SEC presentation of Saturdays in the South did not show Big Solid’s interception and touchdown return against Joe Namath. Guess Broadway Joe edited that piece out of his bio. Go Bulldogs.

Kansas State at Oklahoma State 6:00 – NO TV! Well, that ain’t right. Must rely on pictures from those attending the game. Make it a good homecoming, ya’ll. Have fun and Go Pokes.

BTHO Arkansas!

Monday, September 23, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Monday, September 23, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Happy first day of fall. The projected high today in Texas is 93 degrees but feels like 97.

Let’s begin with Poopy Undies for everybody. Why not? Pretend it is one of those participation awards.

My first award today goes to the Ole Miss Rebels. You receive The Dreaded Threaded Incline Plane Award because you got screwed on the goal line against the Hippy Bears of California. Not once, but twice. Ole Miss 20 and Cal 28. Berkley is a long way from Oxford, ain’t it?

The Tide continues to roll even though they have yet to play anybody. So, let’s give Tua and Nick the You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet Award and the Stack the Stats for a Heisman Award.

The Methodist of SMU and the Baptists of Baylor won against their old SWC rivals by winning against the Horn Frogs of TCU and the Owls of Rice? Both the Mustangs and Bears win the For Old Times Sake Award.

LSU stomped the Commodores of Vanderbilt 66-38. The Ugly Uniform Award goes to Vanderbilt. That faded drab gray just made Little Gloria turn over in her grave. Those uniforms looked like they mated with a battleship. They were so ugly, I cannot find any pics on the Internet.

My Wimp Award goes to Auburn.

A tent? Really? It was not hot. It was barely 90 degrees. Did you forget your sunscreen? Did you not remember that the home team – the Aggies’– bench is in shade on the side where the alumni sit and where the money comes from? The visitors always sit on the student side facing the sun with the students standing and yelling behind you.

I award The Texas Aggies the Number Four Award and As Time Goes by Award. For future games, Ags, please try to show up for all FOUR quarters of the game – especially the first one. And do not let time run out. Auburn 28 Aggies 20 I do not want to post this selfie, palm plant face again.

It was great game between THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State. The Horns receive the One State One Win Award. You beat one team of two teams from Louisiana and will beat one of two teams from Oklahoma. Glad you lit the Tower for this one.

Thank you, Carrie Y for taking and thank you, Roomie for sending.

The pic is a bit fuzzy, but then again, so are the Longhorns. Oklahoma State 30 Texas 38

And for The Best Game of the year, so far, the trophy goes to Georgia and Notre Dame!

To the Fighting Irish, let’s sing the Fight Song:

Flop, flop for old Notre Dame

Fall on the ground, pretend you’re in pain;

To try to slow the Bull Dawgs down;

But you couldn’t win the game!!!!

My Confessional Award goes to me and my friend RL.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned,

Hoping that Notre Dame never wins again;

Hail Mary, full of grace

UGA and the Dawgs put you in your place.

RL tends to say, “Coitus ND!” which is much shorter, but I’m not sure that would fly in the confessional booth.

My Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Brian Kelly of Notre Dame.

I am pretty sure, Coach, you need to go to confession for your string of profanities you spewed at the ref.

The Hoover Announcer Award for sucking the most while allegedly calling a football game goes to the Booth Mouths who were in the booth for the Texas A&M and Auburn game. Neuheisel? Was this your first trip east of California in a while? Well, at least he did not sing and play the guitar. Nueheisal? You make me miss Brent Mushburger.

To the officiating crew in Kyle Field on Saturday: You must have missed the day the pass interference was taught. When a 70-year-old woman, who never played a down of football and has nothing to put in a jock strap can call the penalty, then something is wrong. So, to the zebra shirted crew, you win the Helen Keller School of Incompetency Award. Note: same school as refs for Ole Miss and Cal.

And to the end zone.

Kudos again to ESPN for airing another touching tribute to Wendy Anderson, her family and Arkansas State. Ladies! Get those ta-tas squished and checked. You can win this one for Wendy.

Speaking of Arkansas, next week, Aggies have the Bacon Bowl in Arlington.

I AM NOT SITTING BY THE DAMN PIG AGAIN THIS YEAR!

Friday, September 20, 2019 – Snark Day

Friday, September 20, 2019 – Snark Day

The college football Snark is dry and had no effects of Imelda. Actually, I think Bryan received three drops while College State, four miles down Highway 6, received over 2 inches.

With the promise of a nice weekend, it is time to start the conference play. Things are about to get very real. Let us begin to see who is on the gridiron and when.

Tonight, we have the Utah Utes and USC at 8:00 on FS1. Yawn!

Also, at 8:00 we have eye wrenching blue field of Boise State hosting the Air Force. Talk about in the Wild Blue Yonder. It could be a good game, if, your eyes can handle it.

The SEC obviously did something to anger the schedulers and programmers of ESPN. Why? Because here are the 11:00 games. Get the pitchers of Bloody Mary’s and mimosas chilling.

  • Florida and Tennessee on ESPN
  • Cal and Old Miss on ESPNU
  • Alabama and Southern Mississippi on ESPN2
  • LSU and Vanderbilt on SECN
  • Also, Iowa State and UL Monroe play on FS1. Iowa State gunners, please pay attention this week to where the punt receiver is.

None of these games offer great contests of interest, but let’s go Vols, Rebels, Tide and Tigers and I don’t care about the other game.

Meanwhile in the weekend city built on campus I shall be tailgating before the game between Auburn and Texas A&M. These two were formerly known as The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas and The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama.

In this clash of land grants on CBS at 2:30 much will be discovered. Auburn? You have not played any team of quality yet. Aggies? Who the Hell knows what you are going to do.

Just BTHO Auburn and show – We Are For Real! 12th Man will make the difference in this one.

Baylor and Rice – Ah shades of the worse from the old Southwest Conference. I think the Bears will feast on Chinese food with lots of rice. Order your Chinese takeout with fried rice by 6:00 to watch on CBSSN.

And now to the evening! Pace yourself and put fresh batteries in the remote. Both of these are worth watching.

The Cowboys and Steers at 6:30 on ABC as THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State University kickoff in DKR Memorial Stadium. Lots of orange in this one. Let’s go Pistol Pete.

On CBS at 7:00 hosting the Gold Crowned Saints of Notre Dame are the Georgia Bulldogs. I am going with Saint Uga. Bring the Mary beads Irish, you will need them. RL, I shall be waiting for your usual text regarding Notre Dame.

BTHO Auburn!

PS – Happy Birthday, Mama! I know ya’ll are having a good time up there looking down on us!

Friday, September 20, 2019 – Snark Day

Friday, September 20, 2019 – Snark Day

The college football Snark is dry and had no effects of Imelda. Actually, I think Bryan received three drops while College State, four miles down Highway 6, received over 2 inches.

With the promise of a nice weekend, it is time to start the conference play. Things are about to get very real. Let us begin to see who is on the gridiron and when.

Tonight, we the Utah Utes and USC at 8:00 on FS1. Yawn!

Also, at 8:00 we have eye wrenching blue field of Boise State hosting the Air Force. Talk about in the Wild Blue Yonder. It could be a good game, if, your eyes can handle it.

The SEC obviously did something to anger the schedulers and programmers of ESPN. Why? Because here are the 11:00 games. Get the pitchers of Bloody Mary’s and mimosas chilling.

  • Florida and Tennessee on ESPN
  • Cal and Old Miss on ESPNU
  • Alabama and Southern Mississippi on ESPN2
  • LSU and Vanderbilt on SECN
  • Also, Iowa State and UL Monroe play on FS1. Iowa State gunners, please pay attention this week to where the punt receiver is.

None of these games offer great contests of interest, but let’s go Vols, Rebels, Tide and Tigers and I don’t care about the other game.

Corps of Cadets Change Tray. I have two of them. WHOOP!

Meanwhile in the weekend city built on campus I shall be tailgating before the game between Auburn and Texas A&M. These two were formerly known as The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas and The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama.

In this clash of land grants on CBS at 2:30 much will be discovered. Auburn? You have not played any team of quality yet. Aggies? Who the Hell knows what you are going to do. Just BTHO Auburn and show – We Are For Real! 12th Man will make the difference in this one.

Baylor and Rice – Ah shades of the worse from the old Southwest Conference. I think the Bears will feast on Chinese food with lots of rice. Order your Chinese takeout with fried rice by 6:00 to watch on CBSSN.

And now to the evening! Pace yourself and put fresh batteries in the remote. Both of these are worth watching.

The Steers and Cowboys at 6:30 on ABC as THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State University kickoff in DKR Memorial Stadium. Lots of orange in this one. Let’s go Pistol Pete.

On CBS at 7:00 hosting the Gold Domed Saints of Notre Dame are the Georgia Bulldogs. I am going with Saint Uga. Bring the Mary beads Irish, you will need them. RL, I shall be waiting for your usual text regarding Notre Dame.

Go DAWGS! To the Ags –

BTHO Auburn!

HB took this. And people wonder how the family all got to be so funny!

PS – Happy Birthday, Mama! I know ya’ll are having a good time up there looking down on us!

Monday, September 16, 2019 – My Monday after College Football Awards

Monday, September 16, 2019 – My Monday after College Football Awards – Week Three

Week Three of the college football has ended. Cupcake season has ended. The smaller schools are counting their gate receipts and licking their wounds. Week four means we are getting down to business.

Today, the first award goes to the Georgia Bulldogs for Best Sportsmanship and Love Shown at a Football Game. Georgia fans wore pink to honor the Arkansas State coach, Blake Anderson. Coach Anderson lost his wife, Wendy, to breast cancer last month. This was his first game back. Wendy was a Conroe girl whose parents were family friends. In the long run, it is just a football game. Thoughts and prayers to Coach Anderson, the children, her mother, Judy and Arkansas State fans.

But back to the game and awards. All winning schools listed below will receive The Hostess Cupcake Award, while their opponents receive the Thanks for Playing and Increasing the Athletic Budget Award.

The Bulldogs would go to beat the crap out of Arkansas State 55-0. Other cupcake games and the awards go to the following:

TAMU Lamar – 62-3 – I think the Aggies were about to put in Reveille the last two minutes. But, the Aggie offense wins the Hippy Dippy Shakes Award for still looking shaky before SEC opens next week. I don’t care how many points were scored. I could have scored late in the fourth quarter.

Texas Rice 48 – 13 – Speaking of cupcake games, the Award for Best Cupcake Season goes to THE University of Texas. However, the Big 12, Only 10 Conference has taken a turn of interest and some of the traditional cupcakes are showing some beef cake. For example.

Kansas Boston College 48-24 – Yes, you read that correctly. The University of Kansas scored 48 points and beat Boston College IN Boston. It was never even close for a Flutie Hail Mary try. The Jay Hawks win The Toto; We’re Not in Kansas Anymore Award. Coach Les Miles of Kansas has been placed on my Watch List for the Maybe the Grass is Greener on the Other Side Trophy.

Kansas State Mississippi State 31 -24 – Sharing The Toto We’re Not in Kansas Anymore Award is Kansas State. Mississippi State wins The WTH Happened Award?

OU UCLA 48-14 – UCLA wins the Thanks for Playing Award.

LSU Northwestern 65 -14 – Northwestern also wins the Thank for Playing Award.

Alabama SC 47-23 – Bama wins the Raw Hide Rowdy Yates Award Rolling, Rolling Rolling; Watch the Tide a Rolling; Watch the Tide a Rolling; TUA!!!

Auburn Kent State 55-16 – Auburn wins the See You Next Weekend at Tailgate Award. WHOOP!

The Pepto Bismal Upset Award goes The Citadel for their OT victory over Georgia Tech 27-24. The Citadel also receives my classic Poopy Undies for scaring your fan base to go along with it. But good job, Citadel.

Also receiving Poopy Undies Awards are:

Iowa and Iowa State – 18-17 – The Cyclones of Iowa State also win the Watch Where You are Going Award given to a player for running into his own man on a punt causing a fumble and an Iowa recovery and loss of a field goal opportunity for Iowa State.

My first Stupid Announcer Mouth Award of the year goes to the Dudes calling the Texas A&M and Lamar game. Don’t bring your game to Texas if you don’t know our history! Gentlemen, Janis Joplin is from Port Arthur, not Beaumont. Yes, she did a semester at Lamar, but anybody who loves (present tense) Janis knows she WENT to THE University of Texas.

My final award today goes to the Lamar Band. You win The Rude Award for playing when the Texas Aggie Band was playing. Thank goodness it was not during Spirit or War Hymn.

See you on Snarky Friday. Happy Dia de la Independencia!

Friday, September 13, 2019 – The Snark of the Full Moon

Friday, September 13, 2019 – The Snark of the Full Moon

Today is Friday the 13th and tonight promises a full moon and today promises lots of Snark.

Let’s back up to last week. Come on Texas! What’s with the air conditioner in the visitors’ dressing room? There are certain rules that should never be ignored. Not limited to, but including these:

  • Don’t tug on Superman’s cape,
  • Don’t turn down The Queen’s invitation, Meagan and
  • Don’t piss off LSU!

Besides, if the alleged faulty air conditioning in the visitor’s dressing room story is true, what did you expect to accomplish? THEY ARE FROM LOUISIANA! Have you been to Louisiana? It is a mosquito infested SWAMP. It is a very poor state (i.e. no house AC and maybe no indoor plumbing for many.) Napoleon sold it to Thomas Jefferson because the mosquitoes were so big. People in Louisiana don’t care about how hot it is. They only care about how hot their crawfish boil is.

So, even if the air conditioning was working, why did the LSU band have to sit in the nose bleed upper deck, half-way to Round Rock? You can deny until there are pictures. Oh wait, there are pictures. Just Google LSU Band Texas Game.

Don’t be surprised next year when the Longhorn team and band are put up at The Patricia Motel (family joke) and the Longhorn band will be on the upper deck of Death Valley half way to the Louisiana State Capitol. And one more thing. When the LSU band marches in and the sequined girls and flag bearers are carrying those black bags? You better check on Bevo because I have seen Mike the Tiger have lunch!

But moving down the field to Week Three. It is not exactly a cupcake clash with big schools, but it could be a sheet cake and some pretty good games.

Tonight on the ACCN we get to see the surging Kansas Jay Hawks fly Miles, as in Les, to meet up with Boston Colleges. Rock Chalk Jayhawk. One game win is a surge for Kansas.

Then at 8:15 on ESPN we have a clash of the Cougars and lots of red on the field when the Mike Leach Washington State Cougars square off with Dana Holgorson’s Houston Cougars. Eat ‘em up, Shasta!

Let’s start Saturday with the Bloody Mary 11:00 AM games. We find Mississippi State and Kansas State on ESPN. Go Bulldogs.

Opposite on ESPN2 we have more Bulldogs with Uga and the rest of the Georgia Bulldogs hosting Arkansas State.

At 11:00 on the SEC Network, we can see Tennessee trying to stop the erosion of Rocky Top by hosting the Chattanooga Shoe Shine Boys.

The 2:30 time slot on CBS holds great potential for the possibilities of two Exploding Head Coaches Awards when Alabama and South Carolina meet. Saban and Muschamp will be fun to watch. Roll Tide! Note to equipment managers – pack more headsets.

Also at 2:30 on ESPN2 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State are in Tulsa. The Pokes will be playing in memory of Daddy Boone, for T. Boone Pickens, OSU greatest funder. Bet you did not know that T. Boone Pickens played a year of basketball at Texas A&M? His scholarship was not renewed and he went to Oklahoma and would donate enormous amounts of money to Oklahoma State. RIP T. Boone.

Sidebar: KK, I cannot believe your baby shower is at this time slot! You graduated from Oklahoma State. I know! I know! It has to do with Baylor being idle this weekend.

As twilight draws, we find:

Florida and Kentucky kickoff at 6:00 on ESPN. Time to make a beer run.

LSU should have no problem with Northwestern of Natitchoches at 6:30 on the SEC Netwrok. I bet the Northwestern band will decent seats.

At 6:00 on ESPNU the Texas Aggies regroup against Lamar in Kyle Field. I like Lamar. It is an up and coming program who could make one of my college favorites.

The OU offense will shine with Schools of Initials – OU and UCLA at 7:00 on Fox. Go Jalen.

At 7:00 on CBSSN the Eyes of Texas as in THE University of will be upon the Owls of Rice University in the Rice Cake Bowl in Houston. OK, I made up The Rice Cake Bowl. I cannot wait to see what the Marching Owl Band (The MOB) has to say at half-time.

Grab the popcorn, get your beer and let’s kick off Week 3 and of course

BTHO Lamar