Monthly Archives: September 2010

Independent Study – September 22, 2010

Independent Study

September 22, 2010

Today, for the first time in twenty years, the As Yet Unnamed Home School of One (AYUHSOO) is conducting an independent study on the following topic.

A Study to Examine the Correlation Among the Early Morning Variables of Swing, Titleist, Birdies, Bermuda Grass and the Autumnal Equinox of 2010

By the Light of the Super Harvest Moon* and Jupiter Too

Other studies of a similar nature cannot be conducted until 2029.

Also known as:

A Footjoy Romp in the Rough

It's da Choose

* Google “Super Harvest Moon”

Shoot Me

Shoot Me

Shoot Me. Just shoot me now.

I would rather have a hot water high colonic AND a root canal without anesthesia than watch Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars. In fact I would rather have both of the above mentioned procedures AND have a bunion removed than to watch anybody on Dancing With the Stars. Period.

The show enters its 11th season tonight. If you recall, I said I thought the show was too old two years ago. And then along came Dancing Tom DeLay shaking his booty in high definition.  It almost sent me over the top. I could no longer watch.

When the show first appeared, it paired some relatively well-known people, with little known, but exceptionally good ballroom dancers.  Most of them are anchor children from Russia, but that is another story. Now it seems the dancers are at least, if not more famous than the “stars.” Who makes up this year’s DWTS reality show cast/line hopefuls?

Mike “The Situation” I Forgot His Last Name– Reality show. Jersey Shore. Don’t watch.

Audrina Patridge- Another reality show “star from The Hills. Her bio has the words “naked pictures” in it.  Perhaps there will be dance which calls for a pole.

David Hasselhoff- Another Baywatch star to hit the dance floor.  And we all remember how spectacular Baywatch was and what great stars it produced.

Kyle Massey – Disney, baby rapper.

Rick Fox- Don’t follow the NBA. His bio states “This NBA star has been married to Vanessa Willams, hooked up with Eliza Dushku, Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey, and even Sharon Stone.” In what way has Mr. Fox hooked up with all these famous women? NBA players. Ow! Brings flash backs of Clyde Drexler.

Michael Bolton- Just cause you can sing does not mean you can dance.  Let’s hope this is not the case with MB.

Brandy- “Brandy, you’re a fine girl, what a good wife you’d be?” Oh, wrong Brandy? You go, Girl. You might can win this.

Kurt Warner- Just how sexy can Mr. Nice Guy get?

Jennifer Grey- daughter of Joel “Cabaret” Grey and starred in Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze. And she was engaged to Matthew Broderick and Johnny Depp and dated George Stephanopoulos. Probably not at the same time. But any woman with that many cool dudes in her life has got to be cool too. This is my pick. Let’s just hope there is a voting fan base.

Margaret Cho – ain’t no Kristi Yamaguchi, but could be fun to watch.

Florence Henderson- Betty White too busy? Mother Brady and Wesson Oil.  Now there’s an image I don’t want to think about. Florence probably doesn’t want to think about her hair do in this video.

Let’s hope you can dance better than you can sing.

And of course Bristol Palin. Remind me again. What exactly is Bristol famous for? I wonder if she will dance to the Dovelle’s Bristol stomp.

Will there be a Smokey The Bear waltz for all the Mama Grizzlies with Big Mama in the front row? Will Salin Palin order the Tea Party Express to vote for her daughter or she will withhold endorsements? The excitement awaits in season eleven.

I would rather see Bristol and all of the others on Wipe Out. A campaign to get Bristol on Wipe Out might be worth subscribing to Face Book. Good Night. And Big Balls. And Big Ballrooms.

Dumb Ass! Dumb Ass! Dumb Ass!

Dumb Ass! Dumb Ass! Dumb Ass!

On August 10, 2010, Anita Hanson, an African American woman married to a white man, called Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s show to ask for advice on dealing with racial comments made by acquaintances. During the call, Schlessinger used the word “nigger” 11 times, saying that using the word was not racist, and continuing to use it after Hanson asked, “Is it ever OK to say that word?” Schlessinger attempted to justify her use by saying, “Black guys use it all the time.” After the call Schlesinger said, “If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor, don’t marry out of your race.” One day later Schlessinger apologized. Hanson questioned the motivation and sincerity of Schlessinger’s apology, believing it to be result of being “caught” Hanson also said that Schlessinger made no apology regarding her comments on interracial marriage.

Schlesinger announced she would end her radio show at the end of 2010:

“I have made the decision not to do radio anymore. I want to regain my First Amendment rights. I want to be able to say what is on my mind.”Schlesinger stated that she will not retire.

I believe, Dr. Laura, that you cited the HBO network as the level accepted or the norm. They say a lot more than dumb ass and the “N” word on HBO too. Since when does the HBO network become the standard for social etiquette? I did not think social conservatives even watched premium cable TV. Even I get shocked at some of the programs I view on cable TV. If I had people living in my house under the age of 25, I would not subscribe to it.  I would only have basic TV. You know the kind with five channels in English and 10 in Spanish.

In your statement, you “want to regain your First Amendment rights.” When did you loose your First Amendment rights? I ask this as I write using my First Amendment rights to call you a Dumb Ass.

What does the First Amendment say?

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

That’s right. You have every right to scream your opinion at the top of your lungs. However, do not forget. The First Amendment gives me the right to stand on the opposite side and scream my opinion.

Just because you can say something verbally and/or in print does not always mean you should. Let’s not forget that freedom of speech, press, assembly and religion applies to all of the people. Remember it is “WE, the people…” not just the ones certain individuals get to choose.

So that means the First Amendment applies to Terry Jones, the Dumb Ass from Florida (oh, is that redundant?). who wanted to burn the Koran.

The great philosopher, Jimmy Buffet, sings, ironically in the song Fruitcakes, that there is a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning. Religion’s in the hands of some crazy ass people. So it seems. Personally, I have difficulty going to church when the preacher wears a gun in the pulpit.

It seems that the entire world, with the exception of the dozen or so members of Jones’ church, were against burning the holy book of the Muslim religion. Nevertheless, regardless of how offensive and detestable the act is, Pastor Jones has the right to do so as guaranteed by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

So that makes Dr. Laura and Preacher Jones both exercising their first amendment rights.  Unfortunately, the Constitution does not say anything about the right to be stupid or the right to be hateful. Obviously that equality phrasing does not refer to intelligence, common sense and good judgment.

I am thankful the quran burning did not take place. It seems the Reverend Jones has changed his mission.  But just in case, Mr. Jones, Dr. Laura said to tell you, “The Sheriff is Near!”

Dear Parent and …

Dear Parent and Taxpayer,

Thank you for your interest in your child’s assessment. The following is a response to your question.  As you know the testing company does not give answers, just responses.

The testing/assessment industry has yet to determine the testing format. Students should be prepared to respond in all formats – essay, short answer, and multiple choice. This allows for more money to be spent in development of test preparation materials, training of teachers, training of test proctors and tutoring opportunities. Training materials, such as testing instructional manuals, can be developed for all formats, thus costing more money and killing more trees due to the expanse of paper oriented testing materials.

All students must use yellow #2 Ticondergo pencils with pink erasers.  Two pencils will be provided to each student.  This comes out of the assessment budget. These are funds that could be spent on other instructional items, but the state finance auditors note that these pencils may only be used for testing purposes.

Once all students have taken all of the tests the state department of education will adjust the scores to reflect passing grades for the majority of the students so it appears US students are competitive with other students in the world.

Again, thank you for your interest. We look forward to assessing your child and taking your tax dollars.



Big Testing Company

Please Excuse

TO:                  The Teacher

FROM:           The Principal

SUBJECT:      The Student

DATE:             September 8, 2010

Teacher, please check the DO NOT ADMIT list. Please excuse the AYUHCOO golf team for Friday, September 3. With temperatures in the low 70’s, the golf team played in the Impromptu Good Weather Golf Tournament.  The team shot 48 on nine holes, coming in first of four players. Also, the AYUHCOO golf team did Community Service at the Round Rock Express Game by being Booth Babe.

Therefore, the golf team’s second assignment regarding the U.S. Constitution and the First Amendment will be due later in the week.