Monthly Archives: October 2019

Monday, October 14, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 14, 2019 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

May I have the trophies, please?

Our first awards are Bad Sportsmanship Awards. This is given to THE University of Texas and Oklahoma. Both teams received an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty BEFORE the game even started.

The Queen QB Under Pressure Award goes to THE University of Texas QB Sam Elinger. Poor Sam also receives The Blue Skies of Texas of Award because he saw so many blue skies looking up from the ground.

Moving to the Alabama Texas A&M game. The Memorial Brent Mushberger Mouth Award goes to Brad Nessler. This award was handed out with Nessler’s opening words when he said “Reveille’s barking and HE’S ready to make HIS way into the stadium.”  Next time you refer to Miss Reveille as a HE, I guarantee the Aggies will take you from a rooster to a hen with one swift, well-placed saber swing. And what was wrong with Gary Danielson? He actually said complimentary things about the Aggies. But alas, time ran out on the Aggies. Time may run out several times more before next season.

To the Crimson Tide who rolled over the Aggies. You received The Hard Work Award because you had to work hard to roll over the Ags. I am awarding the Alabama Head Coach, Nick Saban, The Worried Man Award. It takes a worried man to sing a worried song. Mr. Nick, you looked worried during the entire game!

Best part of the game was the helicopter flyover from the 36 Combat Aviation Brigade of the Texas Army National Guard. I caught a glimpse as they flew over the house.

I was amiss with Snarky Friday’s comments by not mentioning Mississippi State and Tennessee. It was due to the fact that I left out a category – Coach’s Hot Seat. Therefore, I give both the Bulldogs of State and the Vols of Tennessee the Coach’s Hot Seat Award.

From Waco we have a beginning shot.

And an ending shot. With Halloween in a few weeks, I am awarding the Baylor Bears The Thriller Award for Double OT and a win against Tortilla Tech. Did you realize when Baylor plays Texas Tech it becomes BU/TT or BUTT. Let’s see what you got next week Bears.

I regret I did not get a pic of Sailor Bear helmets, my all time favorite bear. But trust me when I award Best Uniforms to Baylor. Trust me when I award worst to Iowa and Penn State. Was it The Ugly Uniform Bowl?

The LSU Tigers receive The Gumbo Award made with alligators. Great game Tigers. This could be your year in January!

At a fitting end to the awards are The Poopy Undies Awards given for scaring their fans. There were many. Of course, Baylor and TT each receive a trophy. But I awarded a Poopy Undies to the fans of South Carolina and Georgia at half time. At the end of regulation, I gave Georgia The Full Blown Blowout in Your Drawers.

To the South Carolina Gamecocks I award The William Tecumseh Sherman Award, because you marched like Sherman through Georgia from Atlanta to the Sea. WOW.

To Georgia, as you watched the spheroid miss the uprights in the second overtime that would have tied the game and send to a triple OT, you win The Giant Thriller Award.

You see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream
But terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze
As horror looks you right between your eyes
You’re paralyzed

‘Cause this is thriller
Thriller night

 

WAY TO GO ASTROS! BTHO those Damn Yankees!

Friday, October 11 – A Snarky Friday Musical – College Football – Week Seven

Friday, October 11 – A Snarky Friday Musical – College Football Week Seven

But first, the Football Snark would like to begin with a Big Green and Gold Snark to Baylor and to the idiots who voted Baylor ahead of The Texas Aggies in the top 25. I do not care if you are 5 and 0. Play Clemson, Alabama, Georgia and LSU and then we’ll talk RPI. Oh well, the Aggies don’t have to play Oklahoma or THE University of Texas. Nevertheless, I do hope the Bears open a big can of Brazos River Whoop Ass on Tortilla Tech.

There are only a three games worth watching this Saturday, but each one has critical consequences for conference championships, bowl games and individual honors. Fortunately, the TV Gods and Goddesses of college football programming ensured that we can watch them all one right after another.

First at 11:00 am we have the Red River Rivalry between Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas on Fox. The Horns and the Sooner Fans will be rushing to The Cotton Bowl. Of course, if you know where The Cotton Bowl Stadium is located in Dallas, one knows you do not want to spend a great deal of time without rushing along in the Hood.

So put that Sooner Schooner hat on, get your honey lamb and I and sing along with our first musical number celebrating the game as the winds comes whipping down the plains for…

…We know we belong to the land!
And the land we belong to is grand!
And when we say, yeeow-a-yip-i-o-ee ay!
We’re only sayin’ You’re doin’ fine, Oklahoma! Oklahoma, Heisman!

With an encore of …

Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, O-K-U!

At 2:30 on CBS (oh crap, does that mean Gary Danielson will announce? Oh yucky face emoji.) The Fighting Texas Aggies, Home of The 12th Man, guarded by Reveille, The Wonder Woman Collie and fans with memories of Johnny Manziel,  host The Rolling Crimson Tide from Alabama. If you’re going a play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddle in your band.

So tune up those guitars, banjos and fiddles as the residents of The Brazos Valley welcome the Fans of The Alabama Crimson Tide with this musical number. Hit it, Band!

Oh, I come from Alabama

With a banjo on my knee

I’m going to College Station

The Aggies for to see.

Oh that 12th Man, Oh, don’t you yell on me,

But I will then beat Georgia and win the SEC.

It rained all night the day I left

The weather it was dry,

The sun so hot I frozen myself

But that’s the Texas skies!

Oh that 12th Man, Oh don’t you yell on me

But I’ll take of Auburn, a game we want to see.

I had a dream the other night;

When everything was still,

I dreamed I saw Miss Reveille

She was coming down the hill,

A crimson rose was in her mouth

A tear was in her eye

I said it is the last year, so Rev don’t you cry. 

Wait till next year, when Jimbo takes you down,

But welcome to College Station where Aggies are found.

If those two contests do not have you cussing, singing and screaming at the TV, you still have a chance at 7:00 on ESPN when the Legends of Steve Spurrier and the Florida Gators invade Death Valley in Baton Rouge to try to chomp the LSU Tigers. Advance warning: The Gators will wear orange helmets, blue jerseys and blue pants. Anyone ever see a blue alligator?

But on to our final musical number. Since I was a small child, I was taught by my Louisiana relatives, NEVER PULL FOR A TEAM FROM FLORIDA! I also could sing this song until I drank the maroon kool-aid.

So let’s hear it for the Girls in Gold and Purple sequins with the mysterious black bags. and the LSU Marching Band – The Golden Band from Tiger Land. GEAUX TIGERS! Note: the bags are filled with gator bait from Bayou Teche.

And I want to see everybody up and doing a high kick routine toward the end.

Horns Down!

BTHO ALABAMA!

GEAUX TIGERS!

https://youtu.be/YZ4e35_hdjE

Monday, October 7, 2019 –

My Monday after Saturday college football awards are canceled today.

Due to the eye doctor appointment this morning, I must wait until the irises of my eye returns and the pupils are not as large as dimes. It also means there is way too much light hitting the cones and rods and I must either wear shades or take a nap. Well, that is an easy choice.

It was a crappy football weekend anyway.

Cat Eyes

Friday, October 4, 2019 – Week Six of Snarky Friday

Friday, October 4, 2019 – Week Six of Snarky Friday

Strike up the banjos; it’s the Battle of the Piney Woods! The Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks and the Sam Houston State Bearkats meet at NRG in Houston at 3:00 on Saturday. Even though I hold degrees from both of these schools, I am going with Surfin Stephen and the “Oh futures bright, ‘neath the purple and white…”

But, in an usual Friday Snark, I shall predict the game score using my grade point averages with no periods from both universities. SFA 16 (only my freshman year) and SHSU 40 (all 36 hours).

Moving to TV times, let’s see who drew the dreaded 11:00 time slots.

Oklahoma State and Tortilla Tech at 11:00 on FS1. Breakfast torillas! Oh boy, Cowboys and Cowboys. To not forsake me oh my darling…Go Pistol Pete and watch out for flinging tortillas! I hope it is a safe and happy trip back to Stillwater with Lubbock in your rear view mirror.

Utah State and LSU at 11:00 on SEC. Tigers? These Aggies are not as tough as the ones in Texas. Why are you playing them? They are going to fall out with the Red Stick humidity before half-time

Oklahoma and Kansas at 11:00 on ABC – See Jalen run; see Jalen throw; see Jalen score; see OU in a Boomer Sooner warm up for next weekend. See Kansas look forward to basketball season.

The Bears of Baylor and Wildkats of Kansas State kickoff at 2:30 on ESPN2. The Baptists are really gonna have to pray it up to rise up and Sic ‘Em over Kansas State.

In a game I really don’t care about, we have Bowling Green at Notre Dame on their network, NBC, at 2:30. Now that is a Bowling Green Massacre I would like to see.

At 2:30 on ABC we find THE University of Texas and West Virginia. Get the old couches ready to burn. They probably won’t burn, but this could be a good game. Horns could be looking ahead to The Red River Rivalry.

But the best game of Saturday is Auburn visiting the Swamp of Florida at 2:30 on CBS. Tiger, tiger burning bright, I really don’t care who wins tonight, but Go War Eagles anyway.

The Georgia Bulldogs are in Knoxville to meet Tennessee at 6:00 on ESPN. The erosion of Rocky Top continues and that coaching seat gets hotter.

The Spartans of Michigan State play the pot head stickers from Ohio State at 6:30 ABC – I hope Michigan State wears their Uniform Uglies.

Then of course there are all those games on the west coast.

Looking to Week Seven we find Alabama and Texas A&M. Both The Tide and The Aggies have a bye week this week as they prepare for a clash next Saturday at Kyle Field.

Alabama is using the time by probably having some skull practices, watching films, some light workout practice, maybe will get together to watch a future opponent’s game and perhaps see a movie as a team building exercise. Coach Saban will have time to make some commercials.

Meanwhile, the Aggies are working on a top secret time machine that propels them into the future where they are bigger, stronger and faster, have a true Heisman candidate at QB, a First Team All-American in the backfield, a defense that does not allow scores, and wide-receivers that can actually fly due to new, high tech shoes and cleats.

So far the time machine has been able to travel to the past, to Tuscaloosa, to November 10, 2012, with the scoreboard reading: Texas A&M 29 and Alabama 24 and the quarterback wins The Heisman. Thus far, a projected date in the future when this phenomenon occurs again has not been released.  Who knows?

GO ASTROS!