Monthly Archives: October 2017

Friday, October 27, 2017 – Snarky Friday – Go Astros!

Posted on October 27, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 27, 2017 – Snarky Friday – Go Astros!

It is time for Snarky Friday as we prepare for Saturday college football. Saturday football begins with those teams chosen by ESPN Family, the SECN and ABC for the following games at 11:00.

Arkansas and Ole Miss fight a fierce battle for DAL (Dead Ass Last) Place in the SEC West. I will have a side of bacon with my Hotty Toddy God Aw Mighty… See this coaching seat heat up for Bret Bielema on SECN.

Oklahoma State and West Virginia. Dear Pistol Pete, Please win so the Mountaineers will not set fire to couches as is their tradition when they win. And please no comments on Gundy’s Mullet. Watch this on ABC.

But the best morning game coming to you live from beautiful McLane Stadium, just North on I-35 in Waco, Texas, we find the eager Texas Longhorns and the Baylor Bears on ESPNU. I hope the Texas team left today. You know how traffic is on I-35. Sic ‘Em Bears! If you can only win one game this season, pray for a miracle upon the Brazos that it is this one.

The 2:30 programming window brings in the Fox and CBS networks and gives us more games.

Assuming West Virginia has not set fire to Morgan Town and ABC does not have to cover the town burning down, Iowa State and TCU kick off on ABC. You just never know about Iowa State. Go Frogs.

Penn State and Ohio State on Fox – This is the Impress the Soon to Meet Voting Committee Game. I feel confident Penn State will not win best uniform award. Be prepared for booth mouths to discuss “What is a Nittany Lion?”

Georgia and Florida on CBS – Is this Biggest Cocktail Party? Or is the Biggest Cocktail Party now the entire SEC conference?

On ABC at 7:00 in the I Really Do not Care Game we find Oklahoma and Tortilla Tech. Too bad the game is not in Lubbock. I feel certain Baker would love to plant the OU flag on the 50 yard line for this one.

And then it is Saturday Night! Where are my salts? I feel certain I will more than the usual weekend Dilly Dilly to get through the night with these two events.

The Astros will be playing Game Four of the World Series hopefully with a 2-1 lead over the Dodgers.

On ESPN at 6:15 it will be maroons against maroons when the Bulldogs of Mississippi State and Texas A&M kick off in Kyle Field. I hope Bully and the team have a good time while visiting, but not as good as the last time you were here. Note to John Chavis: In case you forgot, Nicki Fitz can run. Remember: Aggies are wearing jerseys with glow in the dark markings (marketings?). See you at Yell Practice. It is midnight somewhere.

Let us close with a sports’ prayer.

Please Lord, do not let anybody get hurt.

Please do not let Mack Brown announce anything or be near a microphone.

Please do not let Pam – aka That Screechy Woman- announces the Texas A&M versus Mississippi State game or any other game I am watching.

Please give Joe Buck a bad case of Houston allergies and the inability to speak for at least a week.

Please remind all of the Booth Mouths they are to call the football game, not to second guess the referees, the coaches, the band, the doctors, the fans, the hot dogs, the mascots, the traditions or anything else that comes out of their mouths that displays their lack of doing their homework and their overall ignorance.

Let them know that it is obvious between those who actually played the game and those who took broadcasting classes with football as book learning only.

Please silence them when they begin a sentence with “When I played/coached…”

Please do not allow this referring crew in Kyle Field.

And last, Lord, BTHO Mississippi State. Amen.

Go Astros.

12th Man Statue. Photo by me.

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Posted in Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Thursday, October 26, 2017 – Astros, Guy Clark and If We Can Just Get Off of That L A Freeway

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Thursday, October 26, 2017 – Astros, Guy Clark and If we can just get off of that L A Freeway

Please answer the following question regarding last night’s World Series game.

What were you doing last night while pulling for the Houston Astros playing the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game Two of the World Series?

(a) Biting your nails

(b) Peeing in your pants

(c) Holding your breath

(d) All of the above.

I was so tired I was not able to do the HB Forty Dance to celebrate the victory. What a game! Way to go Astros! Series tied.

The Astros are coming home to Houston for the next two games in the series. I found this by the great Guy Clark to help us get ready.

Got to give it all we can now
I believe everything your saying
Just keep on keep on playing…

We’ve got something to believe in…

If they can just get off of this L A Freeway…

GO ASTROS!

Live from Austin, Guy Clark, July 3, 2008

https://youtu.be/yTwUpkEK6yk

Pack up all your dishes
Make note of all good wishes
Say goodbye to the landlord for me

That sum-bitch has always bored me

Throw out them old LA papers
And that moldy box of vanilla wafers

Adios to all this concrete
Gonna get me some dirt road back street

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway
Without getting killed or caught

Down that road in a cloud of smoke
For some land that I ain’t bought bought bought

Here’s to you old skinny Dennis
Only one I think I will miss
I can hear your Bassman singin   Sweet and low like a gift your bringin’

Play it for me one more time now
Got to give it all we can now
I believe everything your saying
Just keep on keep on playing

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway
Without getting killed or caught
Down that road in a cloud of smoke
For some land that I ain’t bought bought bought

Put the pink slip in the mailbox
Leave the key in the old front door lock

They will find it likely as not
With all the things that we have forgot

Oh Susanna now don’t you cry, babe
Love’s a gift that’s surely handmade
We’ve got something to believe in

Before you know it’s time we’re leavin’

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway

Without getting killed or caught
Down that road in a cloud of smoke
For some land that I ain’t bought bought bought

If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway …

Songwriter: Guy Clark

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Tuesday, October 24, 2017 – Yesterday and Tonight

Posted on October 24, 2017 | 1 comment

Tuesday, October 24, 2017 – Yesterday and Tonight

I apologize for the absence yesterday and no awards. I was up late the previous night studying for two tests. I am pleased to say I made an A- on my blood test. The results of the urine test look good too.

Who is ready for the Game One of the World Series? Houston fans have been waiting for so many years with so many memories.

I see the temperatures are near 100 degrees in Los Angeles. As they say in California, “It’s not the heat; it’s the fires.”

Photo by me. From my sports collection.

Let’s play Houston Astros stream of consciousness I will give you a memory and you can make an Astro memory association. Ready?

  • Colt 45’s
  • Astros
  • Nolan Ryan
  • Astrodome
  • The old Astrodome scoreboard
  • Foamer Domers
  • Killer B’s
  • All Star Game 1968
  • Minute Maid Park
  • Jose Altuve

Go Astros. Batter up @ 7:08.

The Astrodome scoreboard was considered high tech at the time.

Click on link to see more pictures of the old Astrodome.

http://www.ballparksofbaseball.com/ballparks/astrodome/

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Sunday, October 22, 2017 – The Forty Dance or 4 – 0. GO ASTROS!

Posted on October 22, 2017 | Leave a comment

 

Sunday, October 22, 2017 – The Forty Dance or 4 – 0. GO ASTROS!

I know my farther aka Honeyboy is doing the Forty Dance because our Astros are going to the World Series. What was the Forty Dance?

It was a happy dance he did on certain rare occasions. It also made my mother scold him for doing it and me for laughing at him.

It usually came when there was a victory over an archrival or a team he did not like. For example – The New York Yankees or the Los Angeles Dodgers.

It went like this:

Burst into the room, begin dancing and begin singing “Forty dance; forty dance; I’m going to do the forty dance.”

Place your right ankle and on your left knee and sing out “Here’s the four!”

Return foot to floor and sing out “Where the O?”

With great exaggerated motion turn around, bend over, stick out your butt and point to …well, you get it.

The O was yours last night, Yankees. Great series though.

Let’s hope there are some Forty Dances next week. A four to zip sweep and we’ll Forty Dance in downtown Houston in a conga line.

 

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Friday, October 20, 2017 – Snarky Snark Snarky Friday. And Why I Love LSU When They Are Not Playing the Texas Aggies

Posted on October 20, 2017 | 1 comment

Friday, October 20, 2017 – Snarky Snark Snarky Friday. And Why I Love LSU When They Are Not Playing the Texas Aggies

It is the Friday before college football and that means my Snarky Friday. My list seems rather short today, but remember I only write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Until the “official committee” listing comes out at the end of the month, these are the ones I am going with today.

Let’s kick off Saturday with THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State @ 11:00. Lots of orange to be seen in DK Royal Memorial Stadium. Old Austinites (Austonians?) remember the bumper sticker from Maggie Mae’s? “Beer! Not just for breakfast anymore!” Go Pokes! Must go with the money and DNA on this one.

On CBS at 2:30 we can find Tennessee and Alabama. The TIDE should roll over Rocky Top, but with Butch’s coaching seat getting hot, I am going to VOLUNTEER that anything might happen.

Boomer Sooner on Fox with OU and Kansas State at 3:00. Yuk, yawn and reaching for the remote to tune into:

The Mississippi State Bulldogs and the Wildcats of Kentucky on SECN at 3:00. It should be a real dog and cat fight. Go State! See you next weekend in beautiful Kyle Field. Just so you know – The Aggies are allegedly wearing uniforms that have glow in the dark features.

Continuing with the Battle of the Schools that Begin with the Letter A we find Auburn and Arkansas at 6:30 on the SECN. Speaking of coach’s seats growing warmer, the bacon is beginning to burn in Arkansas.

Kansas meets TCU on Fox 7:00. Dear Jayhawks, Basketball season tips off this month.

Poor Baylor. I do not believe the West Virginia Baylor game beginning @7:00 even made ESPN3. Here’s hoping that it doesn’t rain on your Homecoming Parade, BU. Is this the game where all the old lady alums run as the Baylor Line? Debbie, Susi and Jeri? I hope the Mountaineers do not burn couches at their away games.

At 6:15 my channel and my heart will be watching LSU and Ole Miss. Even though I was only nine years old at the time, the Halloween game of 1959 became a legend in our family. Here’s to you Cousin Donnie Daye for giving me the love of football. I know you will be looking down.

LSU Band tribute to Donnie. 2015 (I think)

Donnie and Penny Daye – Good Memories.

Here’s to you, Billy Cannon for being so nice and remembering Donnie the day you signed my shirt. So now I have the signatures of the blocker and blockee of the Tiger victory over the Ole Miss Rebels.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Cannon%27s_Halloween_Run

GEAUX TIGERS!

For the Aggies: BTHO BYE WEEK

Did you know? Heisman winner Billy Cannon was supposed to play for the Texas Aggies. But a few too many incidents with parish law officials required that he stay in the state of Louisiana.

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Posted in College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Texas Aggies

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Thursday, October 19, 2017 – Everybody Dance Now! Now This Is Some Wizardry of Oz!

Posted on October 19, 2017 | 2 comments

Thursday, October 19, 2017 – Everybody Dance Now! Now This Is Some Wizardry of Oz!

Take a look at the video of the Homecoming Pep Rally from an Arizona High School. What energy! Great job!

AXO Sisters. Let’s do this for our fiftieth reunion. Who’s in?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2horVdXz70

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Wednesday, October 18, 2017 – Silver Wings and Help Me Understand

Posted on October 18, 2017 | 1 comment

Wednesday, October 18, 2017 – Silver Wings and Help Me Understand

Help me understand. Four Americans were killed in the 2012 terrorist attack on the United States’ diplomatic compound in Benghazi. When their flag draped coffins arrived in Dover, Maryland the then President of the United States and the Secretary of State met them. Nevertheless, the two were vilified for their actions in Benghazi.

The current president of the United States did not acknowledge the deaths of the four Green Berets in Niger until specifically asked about it. There was no press. No flags ordered to half-staff. Nothing for twelve days! When the POTUS did address the deaths, he lied about his predecessors’ actions and then made the situation worse when he did acknowledge the deaths to the families of the soldiers.

Why is there no outrage? Why is there no Facebook ranting demanding the flags be flown at half-staff in their honor? The death of a military hero doing his or her job to make the world safer should not be politicized. I do not understand the hypocrisy displayed.

Therefore, in my own little insignificant way, today I honor the four brave men, their courage, and send thoughts of peace to their families and loved ones and to the world.

Sing (or cry) along with SStg. Barry Sanders.

Silver wings upon their chests; these are men of America’s best…

https://youtu.be/m5WJJVSE_BE

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Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

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Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

What a fun football weekend. Let’s get this party started!

SWAMP! SWAMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! Alligator tastes like Chicken Award goes to the Texas Aggie Field Goal Kicker and the Defensive Unit.

The Aggies also win the Historical Award for not having won a football game in the state of Florida since World War II.

This week I should give a Clean Undies Award because almost every team wins a Poopy Undies Award. Games are getting interesting.

Let’s back up to Friday and start with the Dysfunctional Digestive Awards.The Clemson Tiger coughed up a hairball as Clemson was upset by Otto the Orange and Syracuse 27-24.Just as the Pepto Dismal kicks in for that game Cal (Berkley) put a hippy dippy ass whopping on Mike Leach’s boys from Washington State 37-3.

The West Coast Slide Down the Rankings continued Saturday night with Washington being upset by Arizona State. 7 – 13

Saturday began with TCU and K-State in lightening delay # 1.

The Pyro Burning Sofa Award goes to West Virginia. You got admit, it is way more hillbilly to burn a sofa when your team wins than throw tortillas. Texas Tech 35 West Virginia 46.

The OOH Whee Baby Don’t you know You Set My Soul on Fire Award goes to the Tigers of LSU for their victory over Auburn. LSU 27 Auburn 23. Way to make the SEC interesting.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 2.

The Great Game Award goes to Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas. I am also awarding the Left It All on the Field Award to both teams. OU 29 and THE University of Texas 24.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 3 through whenever and aka as WHERE is the damn Baylor/Oklahoma State game?

Finally…TCU 26 and Kansas State 6.

Then the Cowboys of Oklahoma State win the Keeping Baylor Perfect Award by winning over the hapless Bears.59-16.

The Still the One as in Number One Award goes to Alabama. In the SEC Battle of Schools Beginning the Letter A-The Tide of Alabama had no trouble rolling over the pigs of Arkansas. Note to the Arkansas Coach – Did you happen to look to the other side and see what Coach Saban was wearing? Some nice beige pants; a nice polo shirt – very classy. You, on the other side looked like a sad, red busted balloon. I know they got better clothes at Wal-Mart. Tide 41 – Hogs 9.

Now back to the SWAMP.

In the Where’s the Mute Button Category, the John Wilkes Booth Announcer Award for worse announcers goes to the ESPN-hired duet attempting to be speaking or making words for the A&M/Florida game. Yes, Beth, I am happy you know football as you do and are announcing, but your voice is that of fingernails on a chalk board. Where did you audition? Texas School for the Deaf?

And Side Kick Dude? What was your first language? I am thinking maybe not English. I stopped counting your grammatical errors in quarter one with “he should have ran out of bounds and “he throwed it to a covered receiver.”

The uniforms looked worse on TV.

The Florida Gators win two Awards for Uniforms. First they win The Invisible Blend into the Field Ugliest Uniform. They also win The New Color in the Crayola Box Award – Swamp Dirt Water Brown.

A Big Solid Award goes to Texas Aggie Tyrel Dotson for intercepting a Florida pass to end the game with an Aggie victory 19-17.

Next week: BTHO BYE WEEK!

Photo by me 1986. Old Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Demolished in 2010.

Tonight: Astros/Yankees 7:08 FS1 – Not this Year Yanks! BTHO Yankees!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

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Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

This morning I am feeling like Prissy in Gone With the Wind because “

MISS SCARLETT, THE YANKEES ARE COMING!

Brooklyn Bridge – photo by me 1986

That’s right; the boys in pinstripes are coming from New York City to Houston, Texas Minute Maid Park to play the Houston Astros in Game 1 of the American League Championship Series. Winner of the series goes to the World Series. I will have my Dallas beard on, Honeyboy’s Astro cap, a hot dog and cold adult beverage ready for the first pitch at 7:08 on FS1. GO ASTROS!

It is going to be an Orange weekend for almost everybody.

Between innings one can catch more orange on TV and watch Clemson v Syracuse on ESPN. The All Things Orange begins at 6:00. Syracuse’s mascot is one of the anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots named Otto. The original mascot of Syracuse was a Native American character named The Saltine Warrior. The Saltine Warrior remained the mascot until 1978 when the Native American students successfully said no Native Americas named after crackers. After 17 years with no mascot Syracuse selected an orange fluff ball and called it Otto.

Clemson’s mascot is also one of those anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots. It is a tiger named The Tiger. Clemson’s athletic teams have been nicknamed the Tigers since 1896, when coach (and later university president) Walter Merritt Riggs brought the name from his alma mater, Auburn University.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_the_Orange#Saltine_Warrior

If you are a night owl, following the Big Orange you can watch Washington State vs Cal on ESPN at 9:30. It is always interesting to see what Mike Leach of Washington State will do.

Starting the Saturday at 11:00 we can watch The Tortilla Throwing Texas Tech Red Raiders take their breakfast tacos to Morgantown to meet the West Virginia Mountaineers on ESPNU. Throwing tortillas is nothing compared to West Virginia students burning couches in the streets when WVa. wins.

In the Game of Purple the rising Frogs of TCU play Kansas State on FS1.

Finally it will be 2:30 and time for some real football.

CBS will have Auburn v LSU. I see a bad moon rising for one of these Tigers, and it is not the one in purple and gold.

In Stillwater, Oklahoma State celebrates homecoming by keeping Baylor’s record perfect with zero wins. Watch it on FS1.

But The Eyes of Texas will be upon The Red River Rivalry with OU v TU on ESPN. HWIT – the Horns will need to bring everything they got to hang with the Sooners. The Baker Boys are mad from last week and are planning a steak dinner that night.

At 6:15 on ESPN the Razorbacks of Arkansas visit The Crimson Tide of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Now Coach Bielema, you going to have to dress up a little more than in previous games. That tacky sweat shirt is not going to cut it, even in Alabama. Text Alabama Coach Saban and ask for some fashion tips. He is real good at giving that girl in the commercial fashion advice. ROLL TIDE.

At 6:15 on ESPN2 the Texas Aggies visit The Swamp in Gainesville to meet Florida. This could be very interesting for the Aggies.

Looking like The Creature from the Swamp, Florida will be wearing this faux alligator nature looking ensemble designed by someone on an acid trip. I am going out on a limb and giving Monday’s Ugly Uniform to Florida.

Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Florida!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Thursday, October 12, 2017 – Get Along Little Doggies Along the Texas Cattle Drives

Posted on October 12, 2017 | 1 comment

Thursday, October 12, 2017 – Get Along Little Doggies Along the Texas Cattle Drives

Listen up, Ya’ll, I’m fixin to tell ya’ll sump um.

Eat your heart out you Native Texans. Look what I won.

I like to say I won it in a Texas trivia contest, which I kinda did. But the fact that you could look up the answers somewhat negates the intellectual side of the contest. But I did win the weekly drawing and won this incredible framed print of the 1876 Texas Cattle Trails.

The Texas State Historical Association (TSHA) recently held an online Texas trivia contest. For three weeks participants answered daily questions about Texas. At the end of each week, a drawing was held and winners received some very nice prizes, including weekend get-away vacations several of the maps of Texas prints and more.

If you have been to the state capitol or visited a state office building you will find these prints hanging in various places. If you go the gift shop in the state capitol and price these framed prints, you will know how proud I am to own one. Yes, that is a hand tooled leather mat.

If you are a Native Texan or even one of those “You got Here as quickly as you could” kind of Texans, I encourage you to become a member of the TSHA. There is a whole lot more to remember and learn about Texas than just the Alamo. https://www.tshaonline.org/home/

Who knows? Maybe next you will win a cool prize about Texas.

What’s for lunch? I am feeling like a barbecued brisket. For you non Texans, we like to spell barbecue with a C, like in Cow. I reckon that’s all for now. Ya’ll be careful and ya’ll come back now ya hear?

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Posted in Education, humor, Native Texan