Category Archives: Alabama

Monday, December 11, 2017 – Tom Lehrer and The Roy Moore Victory Song – Vote Doug Jones!

Monday, December 11, 2017 – Tom Lehrer and The Roy Moore Victory Song – Vote Doug Jones!

Good Morning, Music History Class,

Today we will examine victory songs that for whatever reason did not become popular. Take for example, The Confederate Victory Song.

Cindy Lee don’t wring your hankie; I just shot me a Yankee

Tell the slaves to keep on working in the fields.

While still popular in certain parts of The South today, those four days in Gettysburg in 1863 put a damper on that tune.

But we have this never made it tune from April 1912 first recorded by Ice Berg.

Bon Voyage to you new Titanic; you’re the greatest ship on the sea; Bon Voyage to you new Titanic, say ‘Hello’ to the Statue of Liberty; We know with what your costing you’re unsinkable; to wish you a safe crossing is unthinkable

Another from the lost vaults of no victory songs include from 1937:

There’ll be a hot, hot time in Lakehurst, New Jersey when the Hindenburg lands today.

It has the great line:

All the way from Germany, you’ve flown her to us and we know that the motto was New Jersey or bust!

Ah yes, we have such great songs as “We’ll all be there to meet her When Amelia Earhart Circles the Globe” and the ever popular Custer’s Victory Song from Little Big Horn.

When the great satirist, Tom Lehrer recorded the following song first in 1953 in Boston and then with Songs Revisited in 1960 and again in 1966, I suspect he never foresaw or hoped to see individuals who still actually believe the world was better then. The 1960’s were violent enough let alone the 1860’s!

Dear Mr. Lehrer,

If you have a problem with I Want to Go Back to Dixie as the Roy Moore Victory Song, let me know.

Satirically, yours,

DrD

Dear Voters of Alabama,

Do the right thing and vote for Doug Jones.

Unless, you wanna go back to Dixie, as when “things were better” as suggested by Roy Moore.

From Twitter: Jesus said “Go forth and sin no more.” Not “Go forth and sin Roy Moore.”

Seriously concerned US Citizen with current voter registration card in Texas,

DrD

https://youtu.be/HAwhC_btAUU

The text and a sing along.

Well, what I like to do on formal occasions like this is to take some of the various types of songs that we all know and presumably love, and, as it were, to kick them when they’re down. I find if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene, or — as they say in New York — sophisticated. I’d like to illustrate with several hundred examples for you this evening, first of all, the Southern type song about the wonders of the American South. But it’s always seemed to me that most of these song really don’t go far enough. The following song, on the other hand, goes too far. It’s called I wanna go back to Dixie.

I wanna go back to Dixie,
Take me back to dear ol’ Dixie,
That’s the only li’l ol’ place for li’l ol’ me.
Ol’ times there are not forgotten,
Whuppin’ slaves and sellin’ cotton,
And waitin’ for the Robert E. Lee.
(it was never there on time.)
I’ll go back to the Swanee,
Where pellagra makes you scrawny,
And the honeysuckle clutters up the vine
I really am a-fixin’
To go home and start a-mixin’
Down below that Mason-Dixon line.

Oh, poll tax, how I love ya, how I love ya,
My dear old poll tax.

Won’tcha come with me to alabammy,
Back to the arms of my dear ol’ mammy,
Her cookin’s lousy and her hands are clammy,
But what the hell, it’s home.
Yes, for paradise the southland is my nominee.
Jes’ give me a ham hock and a grit of hominy.

I wanna go back to Dixie
I wanna be a dixie pixie
And eat cornpone ’til it’s comin’ outta my ears
I wanna talk with southern gentlemen
And put my white sheet on again,
I ain’t seen one good lynchin’ in years.
The land of the boll weevil,
Where the laws are medieval,
Is callin’ me to come and nevermore roam.
I wanna go back to the southland,
That “y’all” and “shet-ma-mouth” land,
Be it ever so decadent,
There’s no place like home.

 

Monday, December 11, 2017 – Tom Lehrer and The Roy Moore Victory Song – Vote Doug Jones!

Monday, December 11, 2017 – Tom Lehrer and The Roy Moore Victory Song – Vote Doug Jones!

Good Morning, Music History Class,

Today we will examine victory songs that for whatever reason did not become popular. Take for example, The Confederate Victory Song.

Cindy Lee don’t wring your hankie; I just shot me a Yankee

Tell the slaves to keep on working in the fields.

While still popular in certain parts of The South today, those four days in Gettysburg in 1863 put a damper on that tune.

But we have this never made it tune from April 1912 first recorded by Ice Berg.

Bon Voyage to you new Titanic; you’re the greatest ship on the sea; Bon Voyage to you new Titanic, say ‘Hello’ to the Statue of Liberty; We know with what your costing you’re unsinkable; to wish you a safe crossing is unthinkable

Another from the lost vaults of no victory songs include from 1937:

There’ll be a hot, hot time in Lakehurst, New Jersey when the Hindenburg lands today.

It has the great line:

All the way from Germany, you’ve flown her to us and we know that the motto was New Jersey or bust!

Ah yes, we have such great songs as “We’ll all be there to meet her When Amelia Earhart Circles the Globe” and the ever popular Custer’s Victory Song from Little Big Horn.

When the great satirist, Tom Lehrer recorded the following song first in 1953 in Boston and then with Songs Revisited in 1960 and again in 1966, I suspect he never foresaw or hoped to see individuals who still actually believe the world was better then. The 1960’s were violent enough let alone the 1860’s!

Dear Mr. Lehrer,

If you have a problem with I Want to Go Back to Dixie as the Roy Moore Victory Song, let me know.

Satirically, yours,

DrD

Dear Voters of Alabama,

Do the right thing and vote for Doug Jones.

Unless, you wanna go back to Dixie, as when “things were better” as suggested by Roy Moore.

From Twitter: Jesus said “Go forth and sin no more.” Not “Go forth and sin Roy Moore.”

Seriously concerned US Citizen with current voter registration card in Texas,

DrD

https://youtu.be/HAwhC_btAUU

The text and a sing along.

Well, what I like to do on formal occasions like this is to take some of the various types of songs that we all know and presumably love, and, as it were, to kick them when they’re down. I find if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene, or — as they say in New York — sophisticated. I’d like to illustrate with several hundred examples for you this evening, first of all, the Southern type song about the wonders of the American South. But it’s always seemed to me that most of these song really don’t go far enough. The following song, on the other hand, goes too far. It’s called I wanna go back to Dixie.

I wanna go back to Dixie,
Take me back to dear ol’ Dixie,
That’s the only li’l ol’ place for li’l ol’ me.
Ol’ times there are not forgotten,
Whuppin’ slaves and sellin’ cotton,
And waitin’ for the Robert E. Lee.
(it was never there on time.)
I’ll go back to the Swanee,
Where pellagra makes you scrawny,
And the honeysuckle clutters up the vine
I really am a-fixin’
To go home and start a-mixin’
Down below that Mason-Dixon line.

Oh, poll tax, how I love ya, how I love ya,
My dear old poll tax.

Won’tcha come with me to alabammy,
Back to the arms of my dear ol’ mammy,
Her cookin’s lousy and her hands are clammy,
But what the hell, it’s home.
Yes, for paradise the southland is my nominee.
Jes’ give me a ham hock and a grit of hominy.

I wanna go back to Dixie
I wanna be a dixie pixie
And eat cornpone ’til it’s comin’ outta my ears
I wanna talk with southern gentlemen
And put my white sheet on again,
I ain’t seen one good lynchin’ in years.
The land of the boll weevil,
Where the laws are medieval,
Is callin’ me to come and nevermore roam.
I wanna go back to the southland,
That “y’all” and “shet-ma-mouth” land,
Be it ever so decadent,
There’s no place like home.

 

Monday, December 04, 2017 – The Game of Bowls and The Coaching Game of Thrones

Monday, December 04, 2017 – The Game of Bowls and The Coaching Game of Thrones

I see this morning that the ESPN site has a guide to the upcoming college bowl games. Here’s what I’m thinking – Here is my guide to the upcoming college football bowl games.

From ESPN “For the first time since 2014 there were more bowl-eligible football teams than spots to compete this year.”

Me: That is because the bowl standards are too low; there are too many unqualified teams, there are too many bowl games, but it makes money for all involved.

You may divide your bowl games as you wish. I have divided my bowl games into the following categories:

  • The No Count Bowls,
  • The Never Heard of Before Bowls,
  • The No One Cares unless you or your child and money go there Bowls,
  • The Advertising and T-shirt Sales Bowls,
  • The SEC Bowl,
  • The Last Aggie Bowl Game before the Jimbo Era and of course
  • The Big Playoff Bowls.

This listing is incomplete, but I will update as we approach the days.

Noon on ABC on Dec. 16 – The Celebration Bowl – North Carolina A&T vs Grambling. I hope they show halftime and the Grambling Band. That is always something to celebrate.

1:00 on ESPN – The R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl with Troy and North Texas. What is this? R+L = X? The Algebra Bowl? Still it is in NOLA, so who cares?

The AutoNation Cure Bowl – Western Kentucky vs Georgia State at 2:30 CBSSN. From Orlando. Oh my, the Cure of the Nation is left up to these two teams and these states?

The Las Vegas Bowl – No. 25 Boise State vs. Oregon 3:30 on ABC. Thank goodness it is not on that seizure causing Boise State blue football field. I would bet $50 those Oregon yellow highlighters against the field would make me throw up.

The GILDAN New Mexico Bowl –Marshall versus Colorado State 4:30 ESPN. Never heard GILDON?

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl – Middle Tennessee vs Arkansas State ESPN. Might be fun.

The Goodyear Cotton Bowl has No. 8 USC vs No. 5 THE Ohio State. I call this one The Consolation Bowl Game or The Get Over It Ohio State and play better schedules Bowl.

The Play Station Fiesta Bowl has No. 11 Washington vs No. 9 Penn State on Dec 30 at 4:00 on ESPN. Why don’t you just do this one on a Play Station and we can all play? We can call it The Play Station Fan Interactive Bowl.

The Chick-fil-A-Peach Bowl with No. 12 UCF vs No. 7 Auburn. My cat, Peach, insists on watching this one, but she knows better than to purr for Auburn.

The Capitol One Orange Bowl – No.10 Miami vs No. 6 Wisconsin. What’s in Your Wallet? On Wisconsin!

TaxSlayer Bowl: Louisville 23 vs Mississippi State on Dec 30 on ESPN at noon. These two teams and states are now in charge of the new tax bill?

The AutoZone Liberty Bowl has Iowa State vs 20 Memphis Dec 30 at 12:30 on ABC. Yuk.

The Outback Bowl has Michigan vs South Carolina. I would rather go eat at Outback than watch.

The Citrus Bowl finds No. 17 LSU vs No. 14 Notre Dame on New Year’s Day on ABC. One of my most favs and one of my least favs. Bless me Father for I have sinned, but LSU is going to win.

The Camping World Bowl has No. 22 Virginia Tech vs No. 19 Oklahoma State. Does one have to camp out? If the Mountaineers win, will they burn the couches at their campsites?

The Valero Alamo Bowl in beautiful San Antonio has Stanford vs TCU at 9:00 ESPN. A fun city to have a bowl game regardless of who plays. This should be called The Tree Frog Bowl. Think about it!

The San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl has No. 18 Washington State vs Michigan State. Go Leach!

The Walk-On’s Independence Bowl on Dec 27 has Florida State vs Southern Mississippi. The WALK ON BOWL? Can I play?

The Arizona Bowl New Mexico State Utah State on Dec 29. Oh boy! The Utes!

The Texas Bowl – THE University of Texas and Missouri. Really? You know the Aggies (and most any other team) would have brought a bigger crowd to Houston!

Again from ESPN: On Dec 29 “the former FSU Coach, Jimbo Fisher, will lead his new team, Texas A&M against Wake Forest in the Belk bowl.”

  1. What the Hell is the Belk Bowl?
  2. WAKE FOREST?
  3. Jimbo’s coaching???
  4. He does look good in a maroon blazer!
  5. Why did he come to the SEC? Watch out, Saban. The Aggies are coming and We Are Fearless!

Will those be the years of Championships????

I know I have left out some teams and bowl games, but the ESPN app crashed so I’m done for today except for the big Bowls.

5:00 on ESPN – The Rose Bowl – No. 3 Georgia and No.2 Oklahoma. I love a parade. Going to The Rose Bowl Parade is on my bucket list. As much as it pains me: Boomer Sooners!

8:45 on ESPN – The Sugar Bowl – No.4 Alabama v # 1 Clemson. These two and their fans in Nawlins!!! How fun is this? ROLL TIDE.

Monday, November 27, 2017 – Who’s In the National Playoff Foursome?

Monday, November 27, 2017 – Who’s In the National Playoff Foursome?

Since I only write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like, there are very few awards this Monday. This is due to the fact that almost all my teams lost in a most distressing and upsetting fashion.

Granted LSU is one of my teams, except when they play the Aggies. So Geaux Tigers.

In addition to Who’s In, the better question is Who’s Out? The Coaching Carousel Merry Go Round Award goes to Arkansas, Texas A&M, Arizona State, Mississippi State and others to follow. Florida, Ole Miss and UCLA hired new guys. Then Tennessee hired somebody, but then took it back. Is Jimbo Fisher really interested in Texas A&M? Maybe the entire coaching staffs from Austin Westlake or Lake Travis High School would be worth a look.

The Crappola Bowl Awards go to all of my teams who will be playing in bowl games with strange sponsors for a dinky trophy. This will give T-shirt manufactures job security.

The Iron Bowl Deficiency Award goes to the fans of Alabama.

The William T. Sherman Award goes to Auburn in hopes that the War Eagles will march through Georgia like Sherman to the Sea! But, I really do not care about either team. YUK.

The Best Hope for Texas Football Award goes to TCU. Please let TCU win the Big 12 Championship. Otherwise, the best college football teams in Texas are The University of North Texas and Sam Houston State University.

Thank goodness it is basketball season. How soon until March?

Monday, November 20, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards Show

Monday, November 20, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards Show

I must admit I did not watch a great deal of college football this weekend. But I did click around on some TV channels and tablet screens and of course have some comments. So Here’s what I’m Thinking.

Let’s start with the West Coast.

The Blue Field of Nightmares Award goes to Boise State. The uniforms were the same color as the blue football field. This is just wrong and should be banned by the NCAA because of possible seizure causings.

The Really Smart and Strange People Award goes to Cal and Stanford with the Cardinal (remember it’s a color, not a bird) winning 14 to 17. Is the Stanford Band still on probation?

The Last Minute Kick Award goes to the Washington Huskies defeating Utah 30 -33 as time expires. I like Utah because I like to use the quote from My Cousin Vinny regarding “the two yutes” or this case “the Utes.”

Moving to the Heartland we find…

The Pistol Pete Pooped Out Award goes to Oklahoma State for losing to Kansas State 40-45.

Our Anatomical Suggestive Bad Sportsmanship Award goes to quarterback Baker Mayfield of Oklahoma for suggesting that Kansas players perform an action unsuited for observation by the public.

Mayfield also receives the Do You Talk to Your Mother Like That? Award. I counted at least eight beeps. It probably will not hurt your Heisman chances, Baker, but you do not see Johnny Manziel or Jameis Winston in the Heisman Commercials. Stupid Heisman winners do not make the videos.

Moving South we find…

The Cakewalk Awards going to The Tide for demolishing Mercer 56-0 and to Auburn for similar scoring against UL Monroe 42-13 UL Monroe. At least we know where UL Monroe is located. Where the Hell is Mercer? Get ready for The Iron Bowl next Saturday. ROLL TIDE!

In anticipation of Thanksgiving game the LSU Tigers warmed up by beating Tennessee. That was some ugly colors on the TV. Faded is just a not a good color on anybody.

Big Solid’s Alma Mater, Mississippi State handled Arkansas quite well, but then again, who doesn’t?

The only game I actually watched was The Fighting Aggies and their Defense defeat Ole Miss. A Big Solid Award goes to the Aggie defense. A True Big Solid Award goes to the Aggies Derrick Tucker for intercepting a pass and returning it for a touchdown. WHOOP!

And now a song for Thanksgiving…

Over the river and the through the swamp to Baton Rouge we go; The Ags know the way; we just have to play; to get a win today! Hey!

Over the river and through bayous to Death Valley Stadium we go; We’ve been there before, but this time is different; This time we win on the road, Hey!

Over the river and down Highway 10; the Aggie bus rolls true; For tis Thanksgiving Day and we just had to say Beat the Hell Out of LSU!

Monday, November 13, 2017 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 13, 2017 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Goodness Gracious! Great Balls of Fire! What a college football weekend. There were blowouts and nail biters. Let us begin.

Every team and its fan base get an extra-large Poopy Undies Trophy. Even if one of your alma maters wins with 50+ points because it was that kind of season.

The I’ll Have Another Bloody Mary Award goes to LSU who at the unreasonable hour of 11:00 AM defeated Arkansas. What ESPN programming executive put LSU and Arkansas at 11:00 AM? Dude (or Dudettte) have you ever been to Baton Rouge or Louisiana? Even my relatives had only had a couple of drinks by that time. Nevertheless, Mike the Tiger did fry up some bacon.

Oklahoma State in a rallying thriller from Ames, Iowa come back to win over Iowa State. The Cowboys win the Believer Receiver Award for the interception in the end zone in the closing seconds of regulation.

Shifting to the afternoon…

The Somebody Called PETA Award goes to Auburn for beating the former # 1 ranked Georgia Bulldogs 40-17. Poor UGA!

Bevo and THE University of Texas were victorious over Kansas. Does it really count if you beat Kansas in football?

Koach Kliff and the Tortilla Throwers beat Baylor. Does it count if it’s Baylor?

Texas and Baylor both receive The Terminator Award because both schools should say “I’ll Be Back!”

And to the evening games…

In the Catholics and Convicts Redux Bowl (Google it) Miami (The U) beat the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. ND played like a team in the Nun’s Annual Sisters of the Poor Intermural Tournament. Therefore, the Irish win the Nun’s Annual Sisters of the Poor Intermural Tournament Trophy.

TCU receives The Endangered Frog Award. The OU Sooner Schooner left frog guts all along the Road to the Big 12 Championship game. Bedlam II in December???

In a thriller from Kyle Field Texas A&M defeated The University of New Mexico. FYI 55 to 14 is a thriller in Aggieland. Remember you must show up for the 4th Quarter. Remember UCLA?

Speaking of a true thrilling and exciting game we had the Alabama/Miss State. Both teams are awarded:

  • On The Edge of My Seat Award,
  • The Nail Biter Award,
  • Where Are My Salts? Award
  • The I Need Oxygen Award,
  • The I Bet BJ and J, Lisa and R and J and Big Sold Just Fainted Award
  • The Big Solid Cussing Award and
  • The I’m Exhausted Award.

 

Thank you both teams and schools for a thrilling show of SEC football. Please sign the soon to be released petition to change the name of The Iron Bowl Game to The QBs from Texas Game.

Turn in Friday as The Snark Returns and The Aggies Head to Oxford, Mississippi – Home of one of my literary heroes – William Cutbirth Faulkner.

This awards program was brought to you by The Volunteer, Twelfth Man, and Razorback Moving Company. Bon voyage to Butch at Tennessee, and soon to be part of the SEC Coaching Shakeups – Sumlin at TAMU and Bielema at Arkansas. Good luck to all of you. Sit down, Bus Driver, and drive the moving van.

Monday, November 6, 2017 – The Missing Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 6, 2017 – The Missing Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Full Moon, Time Change, Crazy People, Please Go Vote and pretend it is yesterday. Even though it is Tuesday, November 7.

Today’s program is sponsored by 12th Man Moving and a real estate agent in College Station, Texas.

The Fickle Finger of Football Fate Award goes to teams with State in their name. Oklahoma State, Ohio State, Penn State, NC State, Iowa State all lost. With the exceptions Mississippi State and Michigan State, it was a dismal weekend if State was in your name.

You also receive the Slip Sliding Away Award for sliding down the ranks bringing mid-level bowl offers.

The One in a Row Award goes to Baylor for its victory over Kansas in the Battle for Big 12 Conference Last Place. Kansas, I am giving you an Ugly Uniform Award. That was way too much bright red and bright blue. You looked like a United States map on election night.

THE University of Texas wins the Purple Reign Award losing to TCU.

Speaking of Purple Reign in Lubbock Texas Tech loses to Kansas State in OT.

The Tide rolled through LSU as they get ready for some big time football with Georgia and Auburn on the horizon. Love you, Jalen. Do you Bama Fans realize the Iron Bowl QBs are both from Texas?

And now good news and bad news from The Land of Perennial Football Disappointments, College Station, Texas.

First the bad news – The Texas Aggie football team still has three football games left to play. New Mexico, Ole Miss, and LSU. The Aggies must win one to become eligible for a bowl game no one has ever heard of nor cares about. HWIT, How about Texas A&M and Texas Tech in The Hot Seat Bowl sponsored by Mayflower Moving Company? Bret Bielema from Arkansas can call the game because he’ll probably be out of work too.

More bad news – Sumlin’s contract buy out is $10 million. I feel confident that a GoFundMe page will not be necessary. Pretty sure the big maroon checkbooks have already put the money in the bank.

Now the good news. The Texas A&M Women’s Soccer Team won the SEC Tournament.

Further good news; tip off for Texas Aggie Women’s Basketball was last night.

Friday, November 3, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Friday, November 3, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

My apologies for bloggus interruptus this week. Sometimes life gets in the way. Therefore, I have not been able to conduct the extensive research that I do to prepare for today. That really just means I have not looked at the ESPN app.

Good grief, Charlie Brown! Who programmed all of these games at 11:00 AM? I want names.

At the horrible hour of 11:00 AM, one can watch Penn State and Michigan State on Fox or Wisconsin and Indiana on ABC. Mississippi State is playing UMass on the SECN.

From the plains of Lubbock we have Kansas State visiting Texas Tech on FS 1. This should prove to a regular tortilla flinging contest.

In a game of Not Worthy for TV Coverage, Baylor and Kansas play for pride with hopes not to finish the Big 12 Conference Standings in DAL (Dead Ass Last). Basketball officially begins next week.

The 11:00 game of interest is on ESPN between Auburn and the Texas Aggies. Join me and other Former Students of Texas A&M University as we begin the Kevin Sumlin Farewell Tour. When we pay you large sums of money, we want more than a Fair-Well team. Even an upset will not save your seat, Coach.

 

Dear Coach Saban, is there anyone on your payroll that is ready for a head coaching position? Is there a way Texas A&M can clone you, Sir?

Coach Dabo? You got any one ready and prepped? Anybody at Ohio State? Wisconsin? Austin Westlake HS? Lake Travis High School?

At 2:30 ESPN2 brings us Iowa State and West Virginia. Are you serious? Iowa State is leading the Big 12? That ain’t right.

On CBS we have Georgia and South Carolina. That UGA dog is getting some serious committee notice. Like Baylor and Kansas, SC can also look forward to basketball season.

Stanford and Washington State are on Fox and Clemson and NC State are on ABC. West Coast crazy people versus East Coast crazy people.

The game of interest for the afternoon is BEDLAM! In Stillwater on FS1 with Oklahoma vs Oklahoma State. Go POKES! This should be a quarterback extravaganza.

Now we prepare for the evening games and the time change. As if 11:00 football games do not mess us up enough!

This one could be good one and hopefully knock Iowa State out of the Big 12 lead. At 6:15 THE University of Texas and TCU kick off on ESPN live from Amon G. Carter Stadium. This could be a defining win for Bevo and the Boys.

BJ and J and Lisa and Rick, please forgive me but I got to go with DNA and family when Alabama and LSU kick off on CBS at 7:00.

Don’t forget to set your clocks BACK one hour before you go to bed or fall asleep during these two West Coast games.

Oregon and Washington FS1 9:00 and Arizona and USC ESPN 9:45.

Meanwhile, it’s Maroon Out in Kyle Field for Auburn so let’s hump it Ags and

BTHO Auburn!!!

Technical difficulties are preventing pictures. Probably Russian hackers.

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

What a fun football weekend. Let’s get this party started!

SWAMP! SWAMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! Alligator tastes like Chicken Award goes to the Texas Aggie Field Goal Kicker and the Defensive Unit.

The Aggies also win the Historical Award for not having won a football game in the state of Florida since World War II.

This week I should give a Clean Undies Award because almost every team wins a Poopy Undies Award. Games are getting interesting.

Let’s back up to Friday and start with the Dysfunctional Digestive Awards.The Clemson Tiger coughed up a hairball as Clemson was upset by Otto the Orange and Syracuse 27-24.Just as the Pepto Dismal kicks in for that game Cal (Berkley) put a hippy dippy ass whopping on Mike Leach’s boys from Washington State 37-3.

The West Coast Slide Down the Rankings continued Saturday night with Washington being upset by Arizona State. 7 – 13

Saturday began with TCU and K-State in lightening delay # 1.

The Pyro Burning Sofa Award goes to West Virginia. You got admit, it is way more hillbilly to burn a sofa when your team wins than throw tortillas. Texas Tech 35 West Virginia 46.

The OOH Whee Baby Don’t you know You Set My Soul on Fire Award goes to the Tigers of LSU for their victory over Auburn. LSU 27 Auburn 23. Way to make the SEC interesting.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 2.

The Great Game Award goes to Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas. I am also awarding the Left It All on the Field Award to both teams. OU 29 and THE University of Texas 24.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 3 through whenever and aka as WHERE is the damn Baylor/Oklahoma State game?

Finally…TCU 26 and Kansas State 6.

Then the Cowboys of Oklahoma State win the Keeping Baylor Perfect Award by winning over the hapless Bears.59-16.

The Still the One as in Number One Award goes to Alabama. In the SEC Battle of Schools Beginning the Letter A-The Tide of Alabama had no trouble rolling over the pigs of Arkansas. Note to the Arkansas Coach – Did you happen to look to the other side and see what Coach Saban was wearing? Some nice beige pants; a nice polo shirt – very classy. You, on the other side looked like a sad, red busted balloon. I know they got better clothes at Wal-Mart. Tide 41 – Hogs 9.

Now back to the SWAMP.

In the Where’s the Mute Button Category, the John Wilkes Booth Announcer Award for worse announcers goes to the ESPN-hired duet attempting to be speaking or making words for the A&M/Florida game. Yes, Beth, I am happy you know football as you do and are announcing, but your voice is that of fingernails on a chalk board. Where did you audition? Texas School for the Deaf?

And Side Kick Dude? What was your first language? I am thinking maybe not English. I stopped counting your grammatical errors in quarter one with “he should have ran out of bounds and “he throwed it to a covered receiver.”

The uniforms looked worse on TV.

The Florida Gators win two Awards for Uniforms. First they win The Invisible Blend into the Field Ugliest Uniform. They also win The New Color in the Crayola Box Award – Swamp Dirt Water Brown.

A Big Solid Award goes to Texas Aggie Tyrel Dotson for intercepting a Florida pass to end the game with an Aggie victory 19-17.

Next week: BTHO BYE WEEK!

Photo by me 1986. Old Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Demolished in 2010.

Tonight: Astros/Yankees 7:08 FS1 – Not this Year Yanks! BTHO Yankees!

Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

Friday, October 13, 2017 – Friday 13th – A Snarky Friday – Here’s to Lots of Orange

This morning I am feeling like Prissy in Gone With the Wind because “

MISS SCARLETT, THE YANKEES ARE COMING!

Brooklyn Bridge – photo by me 1986

That’s right; the boys in pinstripes are coming from New York City to Houston, Texas Minute Maid Park to play the Houston Astros in Game 1 of the American League Championship Series. Winner of the series goes to the World Series. I will have my Dallas beard on, Honeyboy’s Astro cap, a hot dog and cold adult beverage ready for the first pitch at 7:08 on FS1. GO ASTROS!

It is going to be an Orange weekend for almost everybody.

Between innings one can catch more orange on TV and watch Clemson v Syracuse on ESPN. The All Things Orange begins at 6:00. Syracuse’s mascot is one of the anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots named Otto. The original mascot of Syracuse was a Native American character named The Saltine Warrior. The Saltine Warrior remained the mascot until 1978 when the Native American students successfully said no Native Americas named after crackers. After 17 years with no mascot Syracuse selected an orange fluff ball and called it Otto.

Clemson’s mascot is also one of those anthropomorphic dressed up person mascots. It is a tiger named The Tiger. Clemson’s athletic teams have been nicknamed the Tigers since 1896, when coach (and later university president) Walter Merritt Riggs brought the name from his alma mater, Auburn University.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_the_Orange#Saltine_Warrior

If you are a night owl, following the Big Orange you can watch Washington State vs Cal on ESPN at 9:30. It is always interesting to see what Mike Leach of Washington State will do.

Starting the Saturday at 11:00 we can watch The Tortilla Throwing Texas Tech Red Raiders take their breakfast tacos to Morgantown to meet the West Virginia Mountaineers on ESPNU. Throwing tortillas is nothing compared to West Virginia students burning couches in the streets when WVa. wins.

In the Game of Purple the rising Frogs of TCU play Kansas State on FS1.

Finally it will be 2:30 and time for some real football.

CBS will have Auburn v LSU. I see a bad moon rising for one of these Tigers, and it is not the one in purple and gold.

In Stillwater, Oklahoma State celebrates homecoming by keeping Baylor’s record perfect with zero wins. Watch it on FS1.

But The Eyes of Texas will be upon The Red River Rivalry with OU v TU on ESPN. HWIT – the Horns will need to bring everything they got to hang with the Sooners. The Baker Boys are mad from last week and are planning a steak dinner that night.

At 6:15 on ESPN the Razorbacks of Arkansas visit The Crimson Tide of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Now Coach Bielema, you going to have to dress up a little more than in previous games. That tacky sweat shirt is not going to cut it, even in Alabama. Text Alabama Coach Saban and ask for some fashion tips. He is real good at giving that girl in the commercial fashion advice. ROLL TIDE.

At 6:15 on ESPN2 the Texas Aggies visit The Swamp in Gainesville to meet Florida. This could be very interesting for the Aggies.

Looking like The Creature from the Swamp, Florida will be wearing this faux alligator nature looking ensemble designed by someone on an acid trip. I am going out on a limb and giving Monday’s Ugly Uniform to Florida.

Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Florida!