Category Archives: Alabama

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

Monday, November 5, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Whatever

There are four teams receiving awards this Monday as we anxiously await our rankings and our crappy bowl assignments.

Oklahoma State University

THE University of Texas at Austin

Louisiana State University

Texas A&M University

Here is a YouTube that is representative  of me, my family and friends and all the fans from the four schools listed watching our schools’ football games Saturday.

PS – Those are NOT the Aggie Yell leaders.  HEE-HAW!

Friday, November 2, 2018 – Dia De Los Muertos and Snarky Veirnes

Friday, November 2, 2018 – Dia De Los Muertos and Snarky Veirnes

It is the Day of the Dead and Snarky Friday. Notice that Snark is an universal term.

Saturday promises to be a bloody Mary morning starting at 11:00 am. Let’s start with Baylor and Oklahoma State. It is homecoming in Bear land. I am afraid it may not be a crowning achievement for this family divided contest. I hope the Nose Brothers are out and about.

No TV for those two, but THE GAME at 11:00 on ESPN is Auburn versus Texas A&M. This could be a day of the dead for the loser.

If you do care for watching something else at 11:00 you have Nebraska and Ohio State on Fox in what should be no contest between players in red uniforms. The team with the little pot leaves on their helmets will win.

More reddish uniforms are on ABC with a non-thriller between Louisville and Clemson.

There is also Puffy Sparty, Michigan State and “What the heck is going on at?” Maryland. The MD regents fired the coach; then rehired the coach; then fired him again and the chair of the board of regents resigned.

The two-thirty time slots begin with Georgia and Kentucky on CBS. Aside from Gary Danielson’s verbose and self-centered analysis, this could be good. UGA will bark and Kentucky will see more red uniforms running down the field.

The eyes of Texas are upon you at 2:30 on FOX. Watch out Horns, those hillbilly, couch burning Mountaineers are going to wreck-havoc and it will be Almost Heaven, West Virginia! This definitely promises to be a game of ugly uniforms. This Big 12 Title is on the line.

For my gym rat Penn Staters – Could be a day of the dead for the Nittany Lions against Michigan. At least the uniforms are not red.

Finally when the deep purple falls… The last hope for keeping Notre Dame out of the top four is Northwestern at 6:15 on ESPN.

At 7:00 in another clash of red and white uniforms, Oklahoma and Texas Tech kick off on ABC. OU will be performing for the Selection Committee as the Sooners coming sweeping down the plains of Lubbock. With passing quarterbacks this game promises to be a long one so don’t forget to set your clocks back one hour to make it seem even longer.

At 7:00 we have the THE GAME. This is a big one! This promises to be an Uncle Ralph Two Boot Flask game. From Death Valley in Baton Rouge, Louisiana it is the #3 Tigers of LSU and #1 Crimson Tide of Alabama.

If your last name begins with “H” and you are sporting hounds tooth hats, wearing a National Championship shirt with a giant or wearing this obnoxious head gear (there are more than one of you) our friendship is temporarily suspended from 7:00 to 10:00 pm EST. GEAUX TIGERS!

Between LSU and Texas A&M, we can make it a bad Saturday in Alabama.

BTHO Auburn

Don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour.

Eat Pray Vote

 

Monday, October 22, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Eight

Monday, October 22, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Eight

There were not many college football games of my interest this week. Apparently all of my favorite teams received a bye week. Let’s hope the bumps, bruises, dislocations, hyperextensions, sprains and strains all heal. Therefore, there are just a few awards today.

Let’s start with Penn State. It was Penn State 33 and Indiana 28. PSU, you once again receive The Poopy Undies Award. This is multiple awards for you so maybe you should beat the crap out of a team and let others have a chance to scare their fan base.

Wisconsin defeated Illinois 49 to 20. Not that I care about either team, but I do not often get to see snow. Wisconsin wins The Snow Globe Game Award.

The Crimson Tide once again demolished their opponent. Alabama 58 Tennessee 21. I award The Defibulator Award to Coach Saban and to the entire Alabama fan base. Even I held my breath when Tua was down on the field.

Kentucky 14 Vanderbilt 7 – Kentucky wins The Squeaky Award as they just squeaked by Vanderbilt. Wildcats? It was Vanderbilt! Therefore Kentucky receives The Why are You Still Ranked trophy.

What rhymes with Formerly Number Two? PURDUE! That’s Who! I give Ohio State The Dot Your “I” With a Boilermaker Award. Ohio State 20 Purdue 40.

My last award goes to Mississippi State in their loss to LSU 3 to 19. Way to go Tigers. I award the Bulldogs The One Play No Wonder You Lost Award. Even by the third Mississippi State series, I knew what the play was going to be. The only time I have ever seen the one-runner play work was in 1977 at THE University of Texas. The play was called “Give the ball to Earl.” (Campbell.) Sadly QB Nick Fitzgerald running the ball on every play did not have the same effect. FYI State – FYI State – The Maroon and White that wins next week may not be your own.

Happy Monday.

Friday, October 19, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

Friday, October 19, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

And so we hang up our baseball bats and gloves until next year. Thank you Houston Astros for a great season. Now that I am not interested in any team playing in the World Series, I can move away from the TV for that sport. That will add significant hours to my life.

Moving to college football… Where did everybody go? I write about teams that I like and teams that play teams that I like. With the exception of a couple of SEC games, no teams that I like are playing. But let’s see who is playing.

At 11:00 on Fox we find the state school and the land grant school of Michigan when Michigan and Michigan State kick off. It’s a nice rivalry, but I do not get excited with a puffy, anthropomorphic mascot – as in a human in costume. I just do not see the Spartans of old being puffy. I mean Spartan means sparse, not puffy.

Opposite on ABC the Oklahoma and TCU play. It’s the Big 12. Who cares?

Equally as uninteresting is Tulsa versus Arkansas on the SECN at 11:00. I am thinking there are several high school teams in Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas that could defeat either one Tulsa or Arkansas.

Hotty Toddy! Ole Miss plays Auburn on ESPN at 11:00. Should you lose this one Auburn, you know it is all over.

Penn State and Indiana play at 2:30 on ABC. I only mention Penn State so J from the gym will read this.

Of a mild interest at 2:30 on CBS we have Alabama and Tennessee. This alert just in – Rocky Top will be flooded as the Tide increases. To the Volunteers – Turn around; you are going to drown.

Following that game on CBS at 6:00 is Mississippi State and LSU. This could be the most interesting game of the weekend. Lots at stake Death Valley. Maybe even a playoff spot for the Tigers. Both teams will need to bring their A game. No room for turnovers, bad calls and stupid actions. Sorry, Janne and Big Solid, I got to go with family. GEAUX Tigers.

For those who did not see this on Facebook I am posting the hilarious SEC midterm report card from YouTube. Good bull as the Aggies say.

Meanwhile for the Texas Aggies – BTHO out of Bye Week and no targeting calls.

Monday, October 15, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards for Week Seven

Monday, October 15, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards for Week Seven

Whoever your favorite team is that played this weekend you all receive a Poopy Undies Award for close games, overtime games, and comeback games. This includes you, Alabama. You get Poopy Undies because you only scored 39 points in the entire game when you usually score that many in the first half.

Let’s start the fanfare and celebration with THE University of Texas. A late defensive stand held off the powerhouse Baylor to give the Longhorns a win. I award them The Laughing Cow Award. It was Baylor! And the clock expired or you would have lost. And for some crazy reason the Horns are in the Top 10. There is no way The Horns can run with The Tide, the Irish, the Buckeyes, Michigan, Penn State, the Clemson Tigers or LSU ones. Enjoy while you can. There are reasons THE University is not in the SEC, the ACC or the Big 10.

I would like to award one my least favorite team, the Texas Tech Red Raiders, the Third String Grit Award for beating TCU with mostly second and third stringers playing due to injuries. And the quarterback’s last name is the same as mine and I don’t like frogs.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Big 12 conference wins The On Any Saturday Award because Iowa State can beat you. WVa 14 Iowa State 30.

Penn State and Michigan State. The Nittney Lions looked like the Ninny Lions with 19 seconds left as Michigan State scores to win 21 – 17. The Lions win the Puffy the Magic Spartan Award.

To the LSU Tigers I award the Mike the Tiger Ate My Dawg Biscuit trophy for the never even close game over Georgia. Tigers also receive the Shades of Sherman because they marched through Georgia like Athens was burning. Mike the Tiger 36 and UGA the Bulldog 16.

Tennessee Auburn –To the Tennessee Volunteers I award the Stephen Foster Award.  “I dream on Rocky Top and beat the light brown hair.” Tennessee 30 Auburn 24.

The Bunch of Bananas Award goes to Oregon for winning over Washington. I did not watch the game and turned the channel because Oregon’s bright yellow uniforms made them look like bananas running around.

Texas A&M South Carolina – To Texas Aggies I award the Nitroglycerin Award for making our hearts stop and the Self CPR Award for not breathing during the third quarter. The Aggies also receive the But It Ain’t Like Last Year Award cause we won. Aggies 26 South Carolina 23.

And now for the Exploding Head Coach Awards. Gary Patterson of TCU wins a distant second place when he exploded during the Texas Tech game. Note to equipment managers, he needs a larger pant size.

Coming in at a strong first place is the entire Florida Gators coaching staff. First we have a coach (red hat) apparently saying something to the official about “Friends and You” if I read his lips correctly.

Then the Florida head coach’s head explodes and coaches and officials are scuffling.

Then the entire Vanderbilt team rushes the field from the opposite sideline. It was just like an old fashion high school cafeteria food fight. And you wonder why we don’t like Florida. Check out the Vanderbilt ball boy. So calm. Florida 37 Vanderbilt 27.

I did not leave out Oklahoma State intentionally. I just figured the family did not want to be reminded.

See you tomorrow with whatever I am thinking.

 

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Friday, October 12, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week Seven

Let’s begin with the Big 12 Conference, which is really only 10, but that conference name was already taken.

In the TCU Turnover Game last night against Texas Tech, the Tech QB, Jett Duffey scored the winning touchdown giving Tech a 17-14 victory. To the best of my knowledge I am not related to the young freshman quarterback as I have not done an ancestor spit test. But he is from Mansfield, Texas and that is very close to Louisiana.

Tomorrow, of slight interest we find that the Cowboys of Oklahoma State drew the black bean and play Kansas State at 11:00 on ESPNU. Yawn.

At 6:00 on FS1 the West Virginia Mountaineers travel to Ames to meet Iowa State in the What Other Games Are On contest.

Sandwiched in the middle at 2:30 on ESPN we find the Bears of Baylor and the Horns of Texas. It is THE University versus THEE University in the Battle of Road Construction on I-35. The Bears will need a miracle, but hey it has happened before.

Moving on. At 11:00 on FS1 it is Ohio State and Minnesota. Ugly uniforms on both sides.

On ESPN at 11:00 it is Florida and Vanderbilt. The poor state of Florida got slammed by Hurricane Michael. When your peninsula divides into two parts will it be like Michigan? Or will one of the land masses declare independence?

On SECN we have a pissed off for last week’s loss against Mississippi State Auburn  and Tennessee at 11:00 on the SECN. Wish that I was there on Rocky Top…

The 2:30 time slot is once again this weeks’ game winner.

There is Michigan State vs Penn State on the BTN. I was unaware there was a Big Ten Network. The Big 12 has a network too. It is called The Longhorn Network and it does not share. It also only has commercials with has been players. But you can watch the 2005 Rose Bowl as many times as you want.

I will be getting carpel thumb syndrome as I switch between games at 2:30. It is LSU and Georgia on CBS in the Redeemer and Validation Game. Come on Mike, show us what you got. GEAUX TIGERS!

The other time slot finds the Fighting Texas Aggies versus the Gamecocks of South Carolina on SECN. Note to Uncle Will Muschamp – You will really have to work to get an Exploding Head Coach Award on Monday in order to beat Gary Patterson of TCU last night. Yes, there will be a photo on Monday. And yes, Gary, those pants make your butt look big. This just in from Reveille “I am not sitting for a photo op with the chicken. But I can chase it off the field if you like.”

At 6:00 on ESPN the Tide of Alabama rolls over and drowns the Tigers of Missouri. If Missouri scores 31 points on the Alabama defense, I’m pretty sure Coach Saban’s head will explode too.

I actually had a Nick Saban moment yesterday. Suddenly while in Academy I heard,

“Young Lady? Are you really going to spend almost $40.00 for that Astros T-shirt? Something that you might wear once or twice at tops?”

Me: Yeah. You’re probably right.

Saban: I probably am.

Me: I’ll wait for the 2018 World Series Winners T-shirt.”

Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox on TBS at 7:09.

BTHO South Carolina!

Saturday Socks.

Monday, October 08, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, October 08, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

I say come along my baby, whole lotta shaking going on. And that is just in the top ten of college football.

My dear friends B and J sent a perfect YouTube that says it best about week six in college football, but before you watch it, here are my awards

To every team that played except Alabama, Clemson, Georgia, Sam Houston and Ole Miss – Poopy Undies and CPR instructions to the fans for close games and OT games. Question for Ole Miss – did the other team show up?

Let’s start with Sam Houston State and Stephen F. Austin State. In the Battle of the Piney Woods, the Bearkats beat the pine tar out of the Lumberjacks 54-21. Stephen F. Austin wins the “We Play Basketball Award.” Have you noticed Sam Houston’s orange is the same color as the TDC prisoners’? The two state institutions must get a fabric discount. Did you know the Bearkat mascot for Sam is named Sammy. The lumberjack for SFA is named The Lumberjack.

Rolling on.

Number 1 Alabama 66 and Arkansas 31 – I am awarding the Alabama Tri-Delt sorority flag football team the Defensive Award. That had to be who suited up and played to allow 31 points from Arkansas. I think the Heisman Committee should just give the entire trophy to Alabama.

Number 5 LSU 19 and Florida 27. I am giving the LSU fans My Uncle Ralph Award because that game was a four flasker. Florida? Really?

Iowa State 48 and #25 Oklahoma State 42. Pistol Pete and the Cowboys receive the Religious Defense Award because it was holy, holy, holy.

I give #3 Ohio State the Who Cares Award? Ohio State 49 Indiana 26. Basketball is just around the corner.

To THE University of Texas I award the Maybe Award. When the Horns beat West Virginia, Texas Tech and Oklahoma State, I will be convinced they are back. I also award the Horns the “2 bits, 4 bits, 6 bits and 4 Quarters Award.” Bevo, you must play all four quarters. OU just ran out of time. Texas 48 OU 45

Texas A&M 20 and number 13 Kentucky 14 in OT. To the teams of the SEC I am giving the CCR Award from the Aggies.

“I see a bad moon arising;

I see trouble on the way;

Don’t go round tonight;

It’s bound to take your life;

There’s a bad moon on the rise.”

 

Photo by KB

The old Aggies would not have won. Basketball season again Kentucky. I am giving the Aggies The Robert Frost Award because we still have miles to go before we sleep.

This dude says it all. Therefore, the Big Solid Award goes to Mississippi State for defeating Auburn 23 to 9. For some teams it’s a wrap and so is this post.

https://youtu.be/x67CFvHim7k

 

Friday, October 05, 2018 – The Friday Football Snark’s Schadenfreude

Friday, October 05, 2018 – The Friday Football Snark’s Schadenfreude

Let’s get this schadenfreude started with the word of the day!

Schadenfreude is a noun meaning satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune. Let’s get the misfortune started early Saturday morning with:

Number 1 Alabama and number nothing Arkansas kickoff at 11:00 on ESPN. Tusk, the hog, will become Tusked, Miss Piggy by half time. The Tri Delt sorority flag football team will play the fourth quarter.

Also seeing lots of red on FOX it is the Red River Rivalry with #7 Oklahoma and # 19 THE University of Texas. “Murry, Murry, quite contrary, how many TDs will you throw?” Not happening, Sorry Horns.

Get the remote and set the screens for the 2:30 games. These are big ones.

Well, this one probably isn’t big to any groups save the fan bases. Baylor and Kansas State on FS1. Sic ‘Em Bears!

In a game of interest on ESPN it is #4 Clemson and number nothing Wake Forest. Wake Forest should pose no contest but you never know it could be Woke Forest.

On ESPN2 it is the number 25 Oklahoma State Cowboys and number nothing but always dangerous Iowa State. Mascots with names of dangerous weather patterns like cyclones or hurricanes should be banned. Also, Oklahoma State, please do not wear those ugly gray granny tights looking uniforms again. EVER!

But the biggest game of all is on CBS with #5 LSU and #22 Florida! GEAUX TIGERS! Mike the Tiger likes gator meat; tastes like chicken. I was taught early on to never pull for a team from Florida. The LSU/Florida would always be a three flasker for my uncles at the game. They would have a flask in each boot and one in each wives’ purse.

I made need the same number of flasks as Number 13 Kentucky and number nothing YET Texas A&M kick off on ESPN at 6:00. Big Blue Nation arrives in Kyle Field to meet Big Maroon 12th Man.

The University of Kentucky has three official mascots:

  • Blue — A live bobcat (note that in American English, “wildcat” generally refers to this particular mammal). He lives at the state-operated Salato Wildlife Education Center near Frankfort. Unlike the school’s two costumed mascots, he never attends games, because bobcats are very shy by nature and do not react well with large crowds.
    • If you were a wildcat living in Kentucky wouldn’t you be very shy with crowds too?
  • The Wildcat — A costumed student, he made his debut in the 1976–77 school year.
    • Anthropomorphic mascot. For the products of the Kentucky education systems it means “it ain’t real; it’s got on a costume; don’t shoot it.
  • Scratch — A later addition, he is a more child-friendly version of The Wildcat. Scratch wears his hat backwards, drinks Pepsi, and loves to party.
    • There is a child-friendly wildcat?

KU fans are not able to agree on the mascot’s name either. From the unimaginative and obvious fans the mascot is called “Wildcat.” From the Possible Pepsi sponsors the mascot is called “Scratch.” Why didn’t they go with Blue – the name of their live bobcat? Sorry, I forgot. It’s Kentucky. You may be ranked number 13, but the Aggies will always be ahead of you with 12th Man.

I would be remiss if I did not include The Battle of the Piney Woods between two of my sheepskin document deliverers- Stephen F. Austin and Sam Houston State. Holding degrees from both institutions, I really have no preference as to the victor. Both schools sit “’neath Texas pines, where we’ve found peaceful shrines and every month is May.” Guess I do have a preference. Ax ‘Em Jacks! ESPN3 at 1:00

BTHO Kentucky! WHOOP!

 

Monday, October 1, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Five

Monday, October 1, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Five

Here we go.

Alabama 56 Louisiana 14 – I don’t know why Alabama calls its mascot The Crimson Tide. They should call it The Crimson Tsunami. Nevertheless the Cajuns could not get it raging against as the Tide rolled over them. I award Nick Saban and the team The Steam Roller Award.

West Virginia 42 Texas Tech 34 – The Almost Heaven; Burning Couches Award goes to the West Virginia Mountaineers. I so love it when Tech loses.

OU 66 Baylor 33 – The Award for Just Showing Up goes to Baylor. Obviously, Murry and the Sooners were not looking ahead.

Texas 19 K-State 14 – Really? A good away win, but it is still Kansas State. I award the Horns of THE University of Texas the Remember There Are Four Quarters to Play trophy. This will not hook em in Dallas next weekend.

Florida 13 Mississippi State 6 – Chomp! To the Bulldogs of State I give you The Calendar Award. Women’s basketball season starts soon.

LSU 45 Ole Miss 16 – I award the Tigers of LSU The Cake Award. That victory was a piece of cake. I would also like to award the Ole Miss Coach the Ugly Coaching Outfit Award. That large of a shade of red rain gear took up a large portion of my screen.

Notre Dame 38 Stanford 17 – The Not Close and No Cigar Award goes to Stanford. When did Notre Dame take mustard as one of its colors? What is the color of the ND called? Metallic Mustard? Those looked radioactive. Award to ND – Ugly Uniforms.

Ohio State 27 Penn State 26 – For the fans of Penn State, you not only receive The Poopy Undies Award, you also receive awards for

  • The release of several bodily fluids that accompany fits of anger and disbelief.
  • The fluid release of curse words streaming from your mouth fit to embarrass the 7th Fleet Navy Fleet
  • The Dreaded Threaded Incline Plane Award – Screwed.

Texas A&M 24 – Arkansas 17 – Also receiving multiple awards are The Aggies. First we have the Pig Sty Award. That performance looked awful. I don’t want to be singing “We are the same Aggies; the same Aggies are we.” I was not happy.

Also not happy – The Aggies receive the award for Unhappy In Your Face Coach. If Jimbo ain’t happy, then nobody is happy. I doubt Mr. Tyrel Dodson will ever make that mistake again. Note: #25 Tyrel Dodson said “I deserved it.”

https://youtu.be/th68HGl30CU 

Even Reveille was not happy. “I did not sign up to sit by the pig. He stinks. I want to go home.”

The final award goes to Arkansas for the inflatable mascot. Worst Representation of Something. That is just wrong. As if the hog head hat was not enough now there is a mascot with a turd tail.

 

Friday, September 28, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

Friday, September 28, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

Listening to Fleetwood Mac’s – Tusk (love the drums) and making my grocery list – pork sausage; bacon, ham, chitlins, ham hocks, pig’s ears; pig’s feet. I am making breakfast brunch for the 11:00 games. Note to invited guests, I am kidding about the pig’s ears and feet. Let’s see who is on TV at that time.

On the SEC Network at 11:00 we have the # 1 Alabama Crimson Tide vs Louisiana. I think that means the Rajun Cajuns, but it could refer to the entire state of Louisiana. Oh well, they will still lose to Bama.

In a clash of orange (add orange juice to grocery) with their ugly orange anthropomorphic mascots we have Syracuse and Clemson on ABC.

ON ESPN 2 we find WVU couch burning Hillbillies and Texas Tech, Masked and Guns Up (you need to change to your mascot) Red Raiders. You can heat the thrown tortillas on WVU’s burning sofas when they win.

At 2:30 on ABC we have the Baylor Bears versus the Oklahoma Sooners. Let us pray.

Opposite the Bears and Sooners we find THE University of Texas versus K-State on FS1. Please Horns, do not blow this and look ahead to the following weekend!

On ESPN at 5:00 it is the Gators (are the Gators?) of Florida versus the Mississippi State Bulldogs. You know I never yell for a team from Florida, but will always yell for maroon and white with dogs as mascots.

On the Notre Dame network, NBC, at 6:30 we find Stanford and Notre Dame. Come on Cardinal (You know the mascot is a color or tree or a colored tree?) but come on smarty pants. Surely you can come up with some fancy electronic gadget or doodad to block out Touchdown Jesus. After all, the mosaic is on the library.

The Penn State Nittany Lions and the Ohio State seeds or fruits or whatever a Buckeye is, kick off at 6:30 on ABC. Is that what that stupid patch is on Ohio State’s helmets? Seeds? What is Ohio State going to do when no one can read cursive any more?

I will, of course, will be watching Ole Miss and LSU at 8:00 on ESPN with great, yet bittersweet memories. I will looking for you, Cousin Penny. Read yesterday’s post.

That’s it. Ready to go to grocery store. Wait. Seems as though I forgot one of my favorite teams. Well WHOOP! Texas A&M versus Arkansas plays at 11:00 am on ESPN in the neutral site of Dallas. Note to Razorbacks, there are no neutral sites when it comes to Aggies. We are everywhere.

I am sure the Razorbacks will bring their mascot. I believe the hog’s is Tusk. Why don’t you ask him if he’s going away? Just say that you want me. That’s right, Tusk, the Aggies want you!

Don’t forget champagne for mimosas and BTHO ARKANSAS!

Why don’t you ask him if he’s going to stay?
Why don’t you ask him if he’s going away?
Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?
Why don’t you tell me who’s on the phone?

Why don’t you ask him what’s going on?
Why don’t you ask him who’s the latest on his throne?
Don’t say…

Why don’t you ask him what’s going on?
Why don’t you ask him who’s the latest on his throne?
Don’t say that you love me!
Just tell me that you want me!

Tusk!
Just say that you want me
Just tell me that you

Tusk!
Tusk!
Tusk!