Monday, October 21, 2019 – My Friday After Saturday College Football Awards
We can beat around the bushes; we can get down to the bone
We can leave it in the parkin’ lot, but either way
There’s gonna be a heartache tonight, a heartache tonight I know
And was there ever a heartache for many teams this weekend.
Please form a line to the left because all teams are receiving a Poopy Undies Awards. Ugly games; Ugly wins; Ugly losses; ugly plays; ugly uniforms and ugly weather.
But the Grand Poopy Awards go to The University of Wisconsin for the last minute loss to Illinois. I would like to present the Fighting Illini, whatever an Illini is, The Colonel Henry Blake Award. It just proves that a team wearing ugly uniforms can win. Who caught the Henry Blake Award? Wisconsin 23 Illinois 24
The riders of the Sooner Schooner receive a Glad You Are OK Award. Watch out for those sharp turns. According to my sources, the last Schooner flip was in 1993 and something about the girl wearing no underwear. I was unaware that people from Oklahoma wore underwear at all. Meanwhile Jalen & Company’s OU wagons continue to roll merrily along. OU 52 – West Virginia 14
Receiving the Blowout in Your Drawers Awards are Missouri and THE University of Texas. Mr. Commodore upset Mr. Tiger if someone cares Vandy 20 – Missouri 14.
And Big Jay of the Kansas Jayhawks scared the cow poop out of Bevo. Kansas! Kansas scored 48 points. Kansas didn’t score 48 points in all of their last five games combined last year. I give the Ghosts of Football Past to the Texas defensive unit. Kansas 48 Texas 50.
If the Horns did not have Elinger, they would be number three in the Big 12. Oh wait, they are number three. And any team left can beat you, including the Bears of Baylor and you have to travel to Ames too. When was the last time Baylor was ranked ahead of the Horns in both the conference and the AP Polls? And the Bears put Holy Water in the Brazos on home game days, I am told.
The Bears of Baylor receive the John Deere Green Helmets Award for cool headwear. The Bears did spoil Oklahoma State’s Homecoming 47 to 27.
The Ain’t No Jalen or Sunshine When He’s Gone Award goes to Alabama for the loss of Tua. But the Tide still rolls 35 to 13 over Tennessee. Get well, Tua.
The Texas Aggies receive the Butt Ugly Award for a very ugly win in Oxford against Ole Miss. Where does fog originate in Oxford, Mississippi? TAMU 24 – Ole Miss 17
Speaking of butts, the best play of any football game this weekend goes to QB Joe Burrows of LSU and Mississippi State. Let’s all sing in Heisman award-winning harmony:
We saw your hiney; it was bright and shiney
It made us giggle when you wiggled.
Therefore, Joe and the LSU Tigers receive the Moon Over Mississippi State Award! Did you notice that Mr. Burrows showed his true, Southern gentlemanly character? He first took care of the football and then tried to pull up his pants. One must like a man that has his football priorities in order.
LSU 36 Mississippi State 13
The worse, as in You Suck and SHAME ON YOU Award, goes to CBS for the broadcasting the incident in slow motion! Did Nessler and Danielson call this game? I am with the Baton Rouge Advocate – apologize to LSU and the rest of us for your lack of taste and poor announcing.
Of course the best play of the weekend was:
“Hello, I am Jose Altuve.” BOOM!
ASTROS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!