Monthly Archives: October 2021

Monday, October 18, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 18, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

It was another wild weekend in college football. Most were good and exciting games until the Hillbillies from Tennessee did not like a fourth down call and proceeded to turn Neyland Stadium into a recycling center and embarrass the SEC.

But it is Monday so here are my awards for Week Seven of college football season.

Shhh! Whisper. I am giving the Volunteers of Tennessee the Rocky Top Riot Award for the H20 Water Bottle Bowl for Horrible Sportsmanship. If I come up short, do not tell them, because they might throw golf balls and/or beer cans, water bottles and bottles of mustard. I’m going to go with the brown stuff in the water bottles as Skoal tobacco. Ole Miss 31 Tennessee 26

Continuing with throwing things  – The Fun While It At #2 Lasted trophy goes to Iowa for losing to unranked Purdue. Purdue 24 Iowa 7. The Boilermaker Award goes to the Purdue fan who tossed a Bud Lite beer to a Purdue player who proceeded to douse himself. Note: who has a full beer at the end of a game? Same type individual that carries golf balls to a game.

BYU Baylor 24 38 – The Waco Welcome Wagon Award goes to the BYU Mormonite Cougars as Baylor welcomed the team to the Big 12 with a resounding defeat of 38 to 24 to round out Baylor homecoming. I award a You Still Got It Award to Robert Griffith III. While leading the Good Ole Baylor line on the field, he was jogging along, waving to the crowd, waving back to his wife, when he realized a student was about to overtake him. RGIII turned on the jets and barely beat the kid to break the tape.

Texas A&M 35 Mizoo 14 – The Aggies do receive the Show Me Award because the Ags did continue to show us improvement.

Oklahoma State 32 Texas 24 – To THE University of Texas Longhorns, I award the Silver Anniversary Award. The last time the Burnt Orange lost two games in a row after leading by double digits was 25 years ago. Please know TU that officials are working on your SEC schedule. So far, based on your Big 12 play this year, your SEC schedule consists of Vanderbilt, Missouri, South Carolina, Maybe Florida, University of Connecticut, and OU.

The Bust Your Bubble Award goes to the Kentucky Wildcats losing to Georgia 13 to 30. When does basketball season start Kentucky?

Alabama 49 Mississippi State 9 – To the Rolling Tide you receive the We’re BACK from Our Lapse Award!

LSU 49 Florida 42 – The Surprise Victory and Goodbye Award goes to LSU. To Coach Ed Orgeron, we wish you the best next season. To LSU alumni –  DO NOT DARE CROSS THAT STATE LINE AND COME AFTER JIMBO. Remember, TAMU is still a military school. Not to mention our gun laws in Texas.

Friday, October 14, 2021 – It’s Snarky Friday and College Football by Snarky and the Snarketts

Friday, October 14, 2021 – It’s Snarky Friday and College Football by Snarky and the Snarketts

Dr. Snark just returned from the eye doctor where she got her eyes checked. I always ask for plaid, but it is always checked.

Having said that, today I am pretending I am a zebra shirted referee and unable to see or read the rule book. However, in a couple of hours my pupils will be normal sized again and I can see clearly. I cannot make that statement for tomorrow’s referees.

But moving onward…

Our first Snark is Remembrance of the Divine Kick that will last in video and memories for decades. – Alabama 38 – Texas A&M 41

Poor Clemson is relegated to Friday night and plays Syracuse tonight at 6:00 on ESPN. A great orange battle contest for mediocrity.

Once again, the really good football games are at 11:00 AM. I bet this is because the Major League Baseball players are happening. So go Astros. Beat the Red Sox. Don’t cheat this time!

Kicking the pigskin at 11:00 we have a multitude of games.

THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State at 11:00 on Fox. Go Pokes! The Flagship schools of Oklahoma 2; The Flagship of Texas 0. OSU is undefeated. What is your record, TU?

Texas A&M and Missouri are on SECN at 11:00. Do not let the Spirit drop. Missouri is the Show Me State and Aggies must show me (and the rest of college football) that they are for real.

Auburn and Arkansas at 11:00 on CBS. This could be good. A battle for a respectable place in the conference and maybe a decent bowl game. Go Hogs!

UCF and Cincinnati 11:00 on ABC  These Bearkats are fun to watch. Great uniforms in red threads. The Big 12 should be scared.

Florida is at LSU on ESPN at 11:00. Tiger tiger, burning not so bright this year. But hey – a rivalry is a rivalry. Florida is wearing all orange??? What??? That could be ugly – not to mention the outcome for LSU. It’s a really hot seat for LSU Coach Orgeron. But I’m sure Urban Meyer might be available soon.

At Baylor and BYU – BYU gets a vision of Life in the Big 12. I am having visions that there will be a dunking in the Brazos. The Norman Tap and Apple Choir will not sing in McClane Stadium. ESPN at 2:30.

Georgia and Kentucky at 2:30 on CBS. We get to see if Kentucky is for real. I don’t think so. Georgia will be on everybody’s mind until January 2022.

Alabama visits Starkville and Mississippi State. Kick off is at 6:00 on ESPN. I would not want to be State in this contest. The Crimson in Crimson Tide is for embarrassment.

Ole Miss and Tennessee 6:30 SECN – I wonder what the climate is like in the Manning families when these two teams play. Fourth Down Go For It, Kiffen returns to Tennessee. Volunteers were not happy when he stayed for one season and then left for USC. Rocky Top remembers Lane! PS Lane. I’ve got my popcorn and the microwave is plugged in. Pop goes the Rebels!

Welcome Fall Temperatures. It is supposed to be in the mid 50’s in the morning. Texans are pulling out their sweaters.

BTHO Missouri!

Monday October 11, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday October 11, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

It’s close to midnight
Something evil’s lurking from the dark

Under the moonlight
You see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream
But terror takes the sound before you make it

You start to freeze
As horror looks you right between the eyes
You’re paralysed

‘Cause this is thriller
Thriller night
And no-one’s gonna save you
From the beast about to strike
You know it’s thriller
Thriller night
You’re fighting for your life
Inside a killer
Thriller tonight, yeah

We are still two weeks away from Halloween, but last Saturday’s games were indeed worthy of THRILLER!

I ran out of Poopy Undies Awards before the evening games kicked off. So all teams pick up a pair.

Arkansas 51 and Ole Miss 52. No OT for the pigs. So The Disappointment Award goes to the Hogs for their unsuccessful two-point conversion attempt. To Ole Miss Coach, Lane Kiffen I give the Eventually Fourth Down Award. When you attempt multiple fourth down plays eventually one will result in a First Down. I am still giving Ole Miss and Lane the Popcorn Award and the Unpopped Kernels Award.

Oklahoma 55 and THE University of Texas 48. The Overrated Disappointment Award goes to THE University of Texas. It is OK, TU, Vanderbilt is in the SEC. Also, Wake Forest and Coastal Carolina are ahead of you in the Top 25. I am giving myself a laughing award.

To the BIG 12 I award the SCORE Award. With the exception of West Virginia and Texas Tech, every team in the Big 12 scored over forty-five points.

I award the Johnny Fever Award for “living on the air in Cincinnati at WKRP” to the Cincinnati Bearkats.  Do Baylor and Texas Tech know that Cincinnati is moving the Big 12?

To all teams that won I award the Big Play of the Day and Playground Football Award. Go long and I will throw the ball to you is the name of the play.

And now, a drum roll please…

It was EPIC. It was DEVINE. It was AWESOME! It was HISTORY MAKING.

From the Jimbo Auto Parts Store and Home School, I award the Alabama Crimson Tide the Shock Absorber Award. This Award is also called The Damper. Since a shock absorber is often called a damper, the Texas Aggies certain put a damper on the Tide’s hopes and dreams.

I award the Alabama Special Teams The Linda Ronstadt Award because Devon Achane blew by you on the ninety-six yard kickoff return for a touchdown.

The Aggies are awarded The LIVE Schrodinger’s Cat Award. This should make the remaining teams nervous because you do not know if the cat will exit the box or not.

Seth Small receives The Cole Porter Award because We Got a Kick Out of You as time expired.

And Zach Calzada receives The Johnny Manziel Award for becoming the second Aggie QB to beat Alabama.

To the Fighting Texas Aggies everywhere, I award the Storming of the Field Award. Trust me, nobody cares if the NCAA fine is $25,000 or $250,000 or even $1,000,000 for field storming. It was so worth it.

The Sea of Victory

Friday, October 8, 2021 – Snarky Friday College Football

Friday, October 8, 2021 – Snarky Friday College Football

From Famous Flop Songs

There’re be a hot hot time in Lakehurst, New Jersey when the Hindenburg lands today.

Well the Hindenburg busted in Kyle Field last weekend, thus making the most anticipated, most wanted, most desired football game of the season MOOT!

MOOT MOOT! Texas A&M v Alabama at 7:00 on CBS. NOOOO! Not Motor Mouth, Gary Danielson calling the game??? He hates both the TIDE and the Aggies. I feel certain the feelings are mutual.

If the Aggies win the toss to start the game, I will count that as a victory. The only thing we can hope for is a mild case of food poisoning going through the first team offense and first team defense.

However, the one thing that Alabama should be concerned about is: Once again, Schrodinger, You don’t know if the cat is dead or alive. However, we’ll know after the first offensive or the first defensive series.

Who at network programming scheduled all of these games at 11:00? He or she needs to be fired! They obviously have never experienced the night before a football game.

Maryland and Ohio State at 11:00 on Fox. Way too early in the day to see your ugly helmets.

West Virginia at Baylor at 11:00 on FS1. Sic ‘Em Bears. Mildly entertaining, but again, Ugly Uniforms could be in play. (HA – Get it! In Play?)

South Carolina at Tennessee on ESPN2 at 11:00. Boring.

Vanderbilt  at Florida at 11:00 SECN – Pitifully boring. Is there a seventy point rule?

Here are THE games to ready your screens.

Oklahoma and THE University of Texas at 11:00 on ABC in The Red River Rivalry or The Red River Showdown. This game used to be called The Red River Shoot Out, but the two states began to take the term literally. Dallas area bars and watch parties will be rocking as far away as Plano and Frisco.

Arkansas and Ole Miss at 11:00 on ESPN – Got your popcorn ready, Lane? Don’t forget to plug in the microwave.

Georgia plays Auburn at 2:30 on CBS. Oooh! Maybe Gary D will call this one, fall down and sprain his mouth and have to go to the hospital.

TCU is on the plains playing Tortilla Tech at 6 on ESPN. No comment.

Temple and Cincinnati at ESPN at 6:00. Is Temple a Jewish institution? Or is it named after Shirley?

LSU at Kentucky at 6:30 on SECN. LSU and TAMU in the Independence Bowl?

Notre Dame at Virginia Tech 6:30 on ACCN – I want to see the Hokie Pokie all four quarters in hopes that all that glitters is not those gold helmets.

Nevertheless, The 12th Man would like to say WELCOME TO THE ALABAMA TIDE! Please know it will be the loudest welcome you have this season. Bring your ear plugs!

BTHO ALABAMA!

Friday, October 1, 2021 – Happy First of October and Happy Snarky Friday – Week Five

Friday, October 1, 2021 – Happy First of October and Happy Snarky Friday – Week Five

Good Day. I am here today with Dr. Sheldon Cooper in the theoretical physics building. We are going to have a thought experiment. That makes us a paradox. And today we open our snark as a paradox with the Texas Aggies playing Mississippi State at 6:00 on the SECN.

For this game, the Aggies are Schodinger’s Team. In the thought experiment, devised by physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935, (while talking to his buddy, Al Einstein) a hypothetical cat is placed in a box with random poison and the box is closed. Therefore the cat may be considered both alive and dead as a result of a random event that may or may not occur.  One does not know for certain until the box is opened. We just do not know if the cat is alive or dead until it takes the field Saturday night. So that’s the gist from the physicist.

Mississippi State brings Mike Leach back to Texas. And no, I don’t think any place in Texas wants him back. So make sure he on the bus out of College Station.

I have a family affair with Baylor visiting Oklahoma State in Daddy Boone Stadium. It’s on ESPN2 at 6:00. If the cat is dead at the Aggie game, I will watch.

But long before that kickoff we have a sea of red with a rising Arkansas team playing Georgia at 11:00 on ESPN. Are the pigs real? Or will UGA have a special bacon-flavored treat for lunch. We shall see if the Hogs can run Between the Hedges on Vince Dooley Field. 

Also at that time slot, THE University of Texas plays TCU on ABC at 11:00. The game is in Fort Worth on the Amon G. Carter Field. To the Horns – do not try to plant a burnt orange flag on the 50 yard line if you win. It did not go well last week when SMU tried it.

Oklahoma plays Kansas State on FOX at 2:30. OU? If you blow this one, your invite to the SEC might be revoked.

The biggest game of the week belongs to Ole Miss and Alabama. The kickoff is at 2:30 on CBS – The announcers are once again, Motor Mouth Gary Daniels and that other person. They already win a MUTE Award on Monday.

The Ole Miss Coach, Lane Kiffin, sounds like a character from Harry Potter. Now we get to see if he really is a wizard and will be the first student to beat the master. Please ensure your emergency kits are ready for this one, complete with sweet, salty, alcohol, chocolate, antacids, and cussing jar, with rolls of coins and clean underwear.

Are You Ready?

Hell Yeah! Damn Right!

Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty,

Who The Hell Are We? Hey!

Flim Flam, Bim Bam

Ole Miss By Damn!

______________________________

When I say Ala, then you say Bama.

When I say Tusca, then you say Loosa.

When I say Bear, then you say Bryant.

When I say Nick, then you say Saban.

When I say ROLL, then you say TIDE.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Give ’em hell, Alabama.

I will be pulling for the TIDE because I do not want them arriving at Kyle Field next Saturday pissed off. That damn cat better be alive Saturday night, Jimbo. Just saying!

BTHO MISSISSIPPI STATE!

Big Solid? If there is a linebacker interception on either side, there will be a Big Solid Award!