Category Archives: Jimbo Fisher

Wednesday, July 31, 2019 – “At the End of Regulation…”

Wednesday, July 31, 2019 – “At the End of Regulation…”

I just love a barbershop quartet – especially a smack talking foursome. I think I will hire these guys for Snarky Football Fridays. Consider today official Snarky Football Fridays practice.

This is a video you will want to watch several times to catch it all.  Be sure to watch the quartet’s lapel buttons.

Let’s sing along – four part harmony only!

“…Alabama! Alabama! Since Saban came…”

GIG ‘EM AGGIES! “At the end of regulation …”

https://youtu.be/AG3aeeBUp9c

 

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Sometime over this weekend someone will post the number of Saturdays, the actual number of days, and the hours and minutes until college football kickoff. It might be me, but it could any one of you anxiously waiting for our favorite teams to fill the weekend TV screens.

Media Days began on Monday, July 15, and marked the unofficial start of college football season. Therefore, we have the start of Unofficial Snarky Friday. Snarky Friday is where I post my snarky comments regarding college football.

Media Days is the week when representatives from the NCAA Division I football conferences congregated in front of the media. Coaches and young men appear all dressed up, speak and answer questions from various sports media outlets.

This is the time where you hear words and phrases such as:

  • One game at a time
  • Big shoes to fill at that position
  • Big number of starters returning
  • Outstanding freshman
  • Seasoned quarterback
  • Alabama keeps whining (hey I am just paraphrasing ESPN)
  • New head coach and
  • A most difficult schedule.

As you know this blog is about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Let’s first take a look at the Big 12 – Really Only 10 – Conference. It consists of THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University, seven other schools and Kansas that prays for basketball season to arrive. The Red River Rivalry is going to be fun, fun, fun. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Jalen Hurts won the Heisman?

Now to the – It Just Means More Conference – the SEC. I conducted a comparative analysis of the Texas Aggie Football Schedule and the SEC media days. Here’s what I’m thinking:

Media Day Schools – July 15

Florida – Do Not Care

Missouri – Really Do Not Care

LSU – Happy Thanksgiving! November 30. I shall wear my 7 OT Shirt from last year’s victory.

Media Day Schools – July 16

Mississippi – October 19 – Off to Oxford.

Tennessee – Nope!

Texas A&M – Significantly biased

Georgia – Oh crap! November 23 in Athens and seven days before LSU!

Media Day Schools – Wednesday, July 17

Arkansas – OMG! Winter is coming! September 28 in Arlington with a possibility of Nick Starkle at QB!

I am not sitting next to the damn pig this year.

Alabama – OMG! Winter is coming! October 10. Twelfth Man in the Stands! And in the streets and the whole Brazos Valley.

Mississippi State – OMG! Winter is coming! And so are the cowbells. October 26.

South Carolina – OMG! Winter is coming! But the only chicken we like is the Dixie Chicken.

Media Day Schools – Thursday, July 18

Auburn – September 21 – September 21 – the first of the three A’s. (Auburn, Arkansas and Alabama)

Kentucky – Do Not Care

Vanderbilt – Do Not Care

I am not aware if football schedules are given names that parallel similar physical events. But if so, I would like to name the Texas Aggie football schedule the following:

The 2019 Texas Aggie Football Root Canal, Gynecological/Prostate Exam and Hot Water Enema Schedule

Did I mention the Aggies play Clemson on September 7?

 

Tuesday, January 8, 2019 – Tiger Tiger Burning Bright

Tuesday, January 8, 2019 – Tiger Tiger Burning Bright

Tiger tiger burning bright

In the forests of the night,

What immortal hand or eye

Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Fearful symmetry? How about the fearful offense or fearful defense of Clemson? Clemson ran through Alabama like you know what through a goose.

Congratulations to the Clemson Tigers for winning the big trophy stick associated with the National Football Championship. It was fun to see Dabo’s excitement as he ran and jumped along the sideline.

Dear Coach Saban, since you seem to recruit kickers who kick like 70 year old women, I would like to apply for the job next year. Really? A fake field goal? Did a Clemson zombie eat part of your brain?

One of the best parts of the game was the Chevy truck commercial with the Donny and Marie Osmond’s “I’m a little bit country; I’m a little bit rock and roll” as the dialog.

And so we now ask the important question. How many days until kickoff? It is actually 228 days until August 31.

To Clemson, the Texas Aggies shall see you on September 7. To Alabama, the Texas Aggies shall see you on October 1.

To the rest of the college teams, we’ll see you on Monday, January 13, 2020 in New Orleans. I hope Jimbo and Aggies are there!

Until then, Elvis has left the football thinkings until next season. Happy Birthday, Elvis! I believe I will go have a peanut butter and nanner sandwich.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019 – Happy Whooping New Year!

Tuesday, January 1, 2019 – Happy Whooping New Year!

Well, Skit. Skat. And how bout that?

How about them Aggies? Chomp. Chomp. What away to start a new year!

Congratulations to The Texas Aggie Football team, Coach Jimbo Fisher and Traveon Williams for a great game. Record setting runs for Traveon.

What a game for Cullen Gillespia? The epitome of The Twelfth Man.

Jimbo’s first year: 9 wins and four losses. Losses to Clemson by two and Alabama was scared. Time ran out against Mississippi State and Auburn. And then there was the LSU game followed by a convincing Gator Bowl victory. Not bad, Jimbo.

The final result? As many Aggie shirts now read:

It’s not the way it used to be!

WHOOP!

But that was last year. Today I have on my LSU Tiger T-shirt. It is the formal one with the mardi gras bead design. GEAUX TIGERS!

I am headed to have the traditional New Year’s black eyed peas and cornbread and New Year’s Day football watching. Speaking of Day, here’s to my friend Kathy who achieved a bucket list item today– Seeing Ohio State play in the Rose Bowl. I’ll watch for you KD.  Please wave to me and Ms. Navasota.

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

Sunday, December 30, 2018 – The Eve of the Eve

It is the eve of New Year’s Eve; ah bitter chill it was. Wait that is The Eve of St. Agnes by Keats when the bitter chill takes place. That is not until January 20. We also have Alfred Lord Tennyson’s version St. Agnes’ Eve. I guess plagiarism was not as evident back then.

Speaking of saints, chills, and Tennyson, how about that Charge of the Light Brigade by Notre Dame yesterday? Half a yard; half a yard; half a yard onward into the valley of death rode the Irish. Notre Dame could not summon enough saints and begorrah to even make it interesting. At least Oklahoma tried a comeback. I told you that ND does not do well in a bowl with Cotton in its name.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Next football season why don’t Clemson and Alabama play to start the season? That can be their very own personal national football championship. Then in January of 2020 two other teams can have a shot at the big trophy stick. Other fans would like to wear tacky national championship hats too.

Tomorrow, actual New Year’s Eve starts the SEC Bowl Conference. Tomorrow we find Missouri versus Oklahoma State and Unranked North Carolina versus the fighting Texas Aggies.

These games are followed by LSU, Mississippi State, Kentucky and Georgia.

And to get thee to a summary. The entire Pride of the Big 12 Conference rests between Oklahoma State and THE University of Texas. Missouri is peaking and it depends on which Oklahoma State takes the field. But Georgia is really pissed off. Those Dawgs are mad dawgs. Run Bevo!

Tomorrow – The Aggies and UT in the Gator Bowl 1957 history. Yes, the SEC – it just means more!

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Renew the Rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas by LAW. WHAT?

State Representative and Aggie, Lyle Larson, filed HB 412 for the 86th Texas Legislature that requires the two universities to schedule an annual nonconference football game the fourth Thursday, Friday of Saturday of November.

HWIT – Waste of paper; waste of time; and LSU and the SEC may have plenty to say about that date.

I would not be opposed to a game at a neutral site. Jerry World would probably like to host it. It would be good for recruiting, but I do not think legislation is needed to make it happen.

It seems that Alabama and Auburn did not play one another for decades due to contract disputes. It seemed to work out ok for both of those schools. Representative Larson wants to avoid such a situation. HWIT, I would rather not play THE University of Texas ever again if it meant the Texas Aggies would take over as annual number one with multiple national championships.

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Big scores; ugly helmets, home cooking and more. Let’s move the chains down the sideline and hand out my Monday after college football awards.

Washington 28 Washington State 15 – Both teams receive The Snow Globe Award. I award Mike Leach and the Washington State team The Frozen Award as we sing “Let it go.”

Penn State 38 and Maryland 3 – The Always A Contender for Ugly Helmet Award goes to Maryland. Can there possibly be a football helmet as ugly? Penn State says yes – Ohio State.

Michigan 39 Ohio State 62 – So another Ugly Helmet Award goes to the Buckeyes of Ohio State for their pot leaf helmets. I award Michigan the Where’s Waldo Wolverine Award. Did the real team miss the bus?

Clemson 56 South Carolina 35 – Clemson wins the Palmetto Trophy. Uncle Will Muschamp better get the Gamecocks winning. He wins The Coach’s Hot Seat for 2019.

Alabama 52 Auburn 21 – Alabama wins the Tina Turner Award as they continue Rolling Down the River!

To the Big 12

Baylor 35 Texas Tech 24 – Kliff Kingsbury receives the Mac Davis Award because Kliff will be seeing Lubbock in his review mirror.

Oklahoma West Virginia 59-56 – I award The Aerial Heisman Display Award to both teams. Also both teams receive the You Just Thought You Scored a lot of Points Awards

Texas 24 Kansas 17 – I award THE University of Texas the Back to the Big 12 Championship Award. Enjoy your Hat Trophy, because the Big 12 One goes back to Oklahoma next Saturday. To the Kansas Jayhawks I award the Robert Frost Award because you have Miles to go before you sleep with a football trophy.

Let’s see. It seems I am leaving a game out. What game would that be?

LSU 72 Texas A&M 74 7 OT

Load up the trailers and tote off the awards. Seven Overtimes!

Miss Reveille as the Aggies take the field. She usually doesn’t bark. She must have known something.

To the LSU Tigers and the Texas Aggies I award the following:

  • Great Game Award
  • Poopy Undies Award
  • Pepto Bismal Award for upset as in the game, the LSU fans, my stomach.
  • Manicure Award for a nail biter
  • Unbelievable Stamina Award – this award goes to the teams, coaches and fans.
  • Neither Team Should Have Lost Award
  • Unbelievable Game Awards
  • Great Plays Awards
  • Great Coaching Awards
  • One for the Record Books
  • Epic Game Award
  • It’s a Rivalry Now Award
  • Lastly – I award the Referees at Kyle Field the Home Cooking Award. Sometimes it’s hard to see out of bounds on the home field.

The Bowl Projections are out. Here is a bowl game I would NOT like to see.

Oregon in their bright, yellow, banana, high liter uniforms, playing Washington State in all red uniforms on the Boise State blue field. It could be called The Primary Colors Bowl.

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS!

I know. The Snark gets a five yard penalty for delay of writing. But it was critical that I participate in the Annual Day After Thanksgiving Day Tradition in Texas. That means greasy, cheesy, Mexican food. Then I had to take a siesta.

I do hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. I fell asleep before I could see the all-out brawl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Granted it was only 8:00, but fermented Chardonnay grapes in liquid form make me sleepy. Nice job Mississippi State for winning the game. I did not see who won the brawl.

Because I was late, I was not able to snark appropriately on THE University of Texas. Who plays an 11:00 game on the Friday after Thanksgiving? Here’s what I’m thinking. Kansas? Kansas is your big Thanksgiving Day game now? Bet you miss us Aggies now, huh? The Horns will play for The Big 12 Title against the winner of Oklahoma and West Virginia. Remember, you are playing for the Big 12 Championship and to avoid The Alamo Bowl.

The contest between OU and West Virginia is tonight in Morgantown and on ESPN at 7:00. The Sooners want a redemption game against Texas. Texas wants a second chance at the Mountaineers. Therefore, lock up the women and children and the old sofas. I do not think the sofas will burn but one must be prepared.

It is called rivalry weekend because the games are traditionally played between the State University and the Land Grant University of each state.

In the Apple Bowl on Fox at 7:30 between the rival schools in Washington. Washington Huskies and Washington State. Let’s let Mikey do it.

On Saturday at 11:00 on Fox we have #4 Michigan and #10 Ohio State. I do not have a name for this contest, so I’m going to call it The Kathy Day Game for the only person I know from Ohio. This is a classic, long-time rivalry that goes back to 1897. Current Head Coach for OSU, Urban Meyer is 6-0 against Michigan. Does Urban have a brother named Rural?

Florida and Florida State also plays at 11:00. Does anyone really care?

At 2:30 on CBS, we have Auburn and Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Although a better name for Auburn might be The Rusted Iron Bowl. Roll Tide.

South Carolina is at Clemson for The Championship of South Carolina.

Tennessee and Vanderbilt play for The Championship of Tennessee.

And now! The game. A clash two land grants. Let us begin where I left off yesterday.

“Dear Lord, It has been 23 years since the Aggies beat LSU in football. TWENTY-THREE YEARS! George H.W.Bush was the president of The United States. Daddy Bush! The World Wide Web on the Internet was only a year old!

Lord, bless the Fort Worth Times sports writer who wrote “that if the Aggies do not beat LSU, it will expose Jimbo Fisher as a fraud. The Aggies will be the same old Ags, as coached by all the others to a mediocre season.” Bless me, Lord and please keep me from firing off a hateful letter to the reporter, verbally kicking his ass and calling him “probably a graduate of TU.”

I do understand that the contest between Texas A&M and LSU cannot be referred to as a Rivalry Game because one team has to beat the other on to get a rivalry started. Let’s get this rivalry started and BTHO LSU!

So, Lord, if you could see your way to not letting time run out before the Aggies can win it would really be appreciated.

A reminder to out of state guests – Texas does not sell liquor on Sundays. Beer and wine can be purchased at 12:00.

Monday, November 19, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week 12

Monday, November 19, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week 12

In what was thought initially to be a cupcake, visitors’ big money gate receipt, let the benchwarmers play weekend of football turned out to be anything but. There were lots of butts shown this unpredictable weekend.

But let’s begin with The Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner Award. There are two of these.

One award goes to The Campus of The Citadel – The Military College of South Carolina. Granted when the Alabama Tri Delta football team ended the second quarter, the real Alabama team scored forty more points in the second half for half of a 100. But holding Bama to a 10-10 tie at half-time should count as a win against The Tide. There is probably a reason that one out of three graduates of The Citadel becomes a military officer. There is probably a statistic that says one in three Alabama football players go professional.

The second Winner Award goes to the Kansas Jayhawks for scoring 40 points against the Sooners of Oklahoma. Again, the scoreboard differed, but 40 points for Kansas when not playing basketball is great. A question I want to know of the Jayhawks is this – is there grass for Les Miles to eat in Kansas or just wheat?

The OMG and Poopy Undies Awards go to Ohio State University.

Maryland gets The Carnival Barker Award for “close, but no cigar.” One used to win cigars at carnivals. Hence, when one missed the barker said “close, but no cigar.”

I am awarding Oklahoma State the Spoiled Milk Award for upsetting West Virginia and allowing THE University of Texas to share a portion of the Big 12 Championship.

In THE University of Texas and Iowa State game, I really thought the Cyclones would do better against Texas. But I was reminded cyclones are in the Pacific. I vote to change Iowa State’s mascot to Trailer Eating Tornadoes or Devastating Hurricanes. I think either one of those names will fit in better in the other Big 12 schools – all ten of the Big 12.

Maybe the win will elevate the Horns to something more than the Alamo Bowl or the Independence Bowl. You Horns have Kansas on Friday, Turkey Hang Over Day. Remember the Jayhawks scored 40 points against Oklahoma. Just saying…

There are too many to count awards for Home Cooking given to the referees. There were many calls that favored the home team, but let’s give refs one for the illegal motion called on The Citadel that cost field goal yardage. It seemed to me that Alabama got an extra second off the play clock before the yellow flag was thrown. Of course in Alabama people are genetically disposed to fry all foods. The Citadel was only one team who was fried by the refs.

In a really good game between The University of Alabama at Birmingham and Texas A&M – I award The Texas Aggies the Scoop and Swoop award (Sorry Adidas) for recovering the fumbled kickoff and scoring a touchdown. Of course, I must give my boyfriend, Trayveon some love for his touchdowns.

I am going to give A&M a Winner Award too for beating Alabama – Even though it was Alabama Lite.

NOOOO – Say it ain’t so. The Aggies are favored against LSU next week? Lee Corsehead will try to pet Reveille again and the Aggies will lose for sure. But, it’s Kyle Field and the 12Th Man. We Aggies do want the fans from LSU to feel welcomed and safe. Therefore, be sure to check out the Aggie Uber pick up truck. I feel certain there is a substantial discount if you ride in the bed of the truck.

BTHO LSU!

Friday, November 16, 2018 – The Football Snark – Week 12

Friday, November 16, 2018 – The Football Snark – Week 12

The Snark receives a five yard penalty for delay of blog. But let’s see what I will be watching this Saturday.

At 11:00 on the SECN we find the Tide of #1 Alabama playing the Bulldogs of The Campus of The Citadel: The Military College of South Carolina. That is a long official title, but it is The Citadel and the alma mater to many very smart leaders of history. Alabama uses short, four letter words like Roll, Tide, and Nick. Unlike Alabama one does not attend The Citadel to play athletics.

Also at 11:00 AM on the banks of the Brazos in Waco we find the TCU Horned Frogs versus the Baylor Bears on FS1 in what should be a game exciting as watching paint dry. But there is an intense rivalry between these two so who knows what will happen.

The 2:30 afternoon game promises to be a good one between West Virginia and Oklahoma State on ABC. Those paddles in Daddy Boone Stadium will drive one crazy. Pistol Pete and the paddles can spoil a good couch burning.

Even though LSU will probably put the third and fourth string players in the second quarter, and put the cheerleaders in the second half, I still like the Rice at LSU contest on ESPNU 6:30. I have great memories as a child of going to the old Rice Stadium for this game. I still remember the first yell I heard at a football game between the Owls and Tigers. It went like this “What comes out of a Chinaman’s ass? RICE! RICE! RICE! Hey, it was in the 1950’s!

My runner-up game of the week is Iowa State and THE University of Texas 7:00 on LHN. There is a Texas Tornado coming and I do not mean the singing group called Texas Tornados. The weather pattern mascot could spoil Bevo’s chances for something better than The Alamo Bowl.

Of course my game of the week is between UAB and Texas A&M 6:00 on ESPN2. Like everyone else I had to Google UAB to find out it stands for University of Alabama at Birmingham. Up from Division III in the mid-nineties, UAB administration discontinued the football program in 2014 due to finances and then revived it in 2017.

Now the UAB leads their conference and are undefeated. I am sure the $1.6 million the school will take home from Kyle Field – win or lose – will go a long way. Note: the reason I am telling you this is because I am sure you will hear it pretty much during the first half of the game – depending on the verbose mouths in the press box.

The UAB is mascot is The Blazers, as in the Marching Blazer Band. Do you suppose the band uniforms are blazers? The emblem is a European dragon.

Since the dragon is of European origin, I believe this refers to Hogwarts and Harry Potter. Don’t ask me. I have no clue how coats and jackets and dragons all come together. The school is in Alabama. Go figure. However, I think the dragon should have on blazer. Yes, the dragon’s name is Blaze.

I think it would be funny if the student section of Kyle Field all wore blazers. No, wait. That sounds like something Texas Tech would do. It would be funny to see Reveille wearing a blazer. Never mind. I hope your team wins.

BTHO UAB!