Monthly Archives: September 2023

Friday, September 29, 2023 – Snarky Football Friday – Week Five

Posted on September 29, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, September 29, 2023 – Snarky Football Friday – Week Five

Who knows what evil lurks on Saturday? The Shadow knows.

That is good, but I certainly do not know what is going to happen. This is “Anything can Happen” weekend.

It is already a terrible year for quarterbacks. Tortilla Tech, NY Jets, and Texas A&M have all lost their starting quarterback to leg injuries. I do wish speedy recoveries for all. But they did have more plays than Lincoln did.

Snarkin on…with the games I’ll be watching.

The morning glory games.

Bacon in the morning for 11:00 on SECN – Texas A&M and Arkansas from Jerry World in Dallas. The Aggies do have the Max Factor now. But the Hogs are always dangerous. Besides they wear red plastic pig hats on their heads and marry their cousins.

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam; and the Heisman winner don’t play… USC at Colorado at 11:00 on Fox. HWIT. I think the honeymoon is over for the Prime. I don’t think it will matter how many rappers are in attendance.

The afternoon.

Baylor and UCF at 2:30 on FS1. I think the golden part will be the Golden Knights instead of the Green and Gold Bears. The Baylor Line ain’t so good this year. Note: Do not refer to UCF as Central Florida. They want to be called UCF. Probably something to do with the Florida education system. UCF has fewer letters to remember and makes for cheaper tattoos.

Houston at Texas Tech at 2:30 FS2 – Two of the three of my least favorite teams. But go Cougars! Watch out for flying frozen tortillas.

THE GAME at 2:30 is between Kansas at THE UNIVERSITY of Texas on ABC. What is going on in college football? Kansas comes to Austin undefeated to play the undefeated Longhorns. Rock Chalk, Jay Hawk. Let me say this again. No Arch! You T-Shirt wearers should know that Sark is saving him for the SEC! So let the women’s soccer team play before putting the Arch in the game.

Speaking of undefeated… Missouri and Vanderbilt at 3:00 SECN – Excuse me? Missouri? Mizzu can be undefeated at 5 and 0? Well, you are the Show Me State so show it to me.

Kicking off the evening is the Halloween game between LSU and Ole Miss at 5:00 on ESPN. Roll that Billy Cannon video. GEAUX TIGERS! Do it in memory of Billy and my cousin Donnie who threw the block that sprung Billy down the side line. This could be a nail biter.

8:00 Alabama and Mississippi State on ESPN – The Big Solid Interception Game!!! Roll that video. Go Dogs! Miss you, Mike. Alabama? Will you be bringing a quarterback?

Notre Dame (Other school in least favorite) is at Duke on ABC at 6:30. When did Duke start playing football? Let’s hope this Tobacco Road leads to a victory with No Bull in Durham. And the president of Duke is Vincent Price. Not the House of Wax VP, but still pretty cool. Game Day is in Durham and the guest picker is Leslie Chow from The Hangover movie. Ken Jeong graduated from Duke. For his entrance, I hope he reprises his role as Leslie Chow and jumps naked out of the trunk of a car. May the always creepy leprechaun be burned by the Blue Devil.

Get those Big Solid Swear Jars ready. Quarters will fly on Saturday.

Stay safe. Be kind to animals and people.

BTHO ARKANSAS

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Monday, September 25, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Posted on September 26, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, September 25, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

My apologies for the delay in the game. I had several false starts today. Just like many of the teams. But here we go. Feel free to sing along…

Ugly in the morning; ugly in the evening; ugly at supper time.

The football games were ugly, Especially for Coach Prime.

It was indeed an ugly weekend of football. Even if your team won, it was an ugly win. And if your team lost, it was double butt ugly.

But time and bands march on and here are my awards for Week Four.

Ohio State 17 – Notre Dame 14. My first award today is the Michael Jackson Award and it goes to Ohio State for it was THRILLER! I only watched 1:35 of this game, but that was the entire game. It was wonderful not only to see ND lose, but on the final play of the game. Buckeyes Rule! Guess that “wearing of the green” and the Rudy Stuff was not the answer.

Alabama 24 – Ole Miss 10 – I am awarding the TIDE the Alarm Clock Award for waking up at half-time and realizing “OH! WE’RE ALABAMA! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WINNING BIG!

Mississippi State 30 and South Carolina 37. I feel certain that Big Solid threw money in the jar every time that damn rooster crowed. The Bulldogs receive the Close, but No Cigar Award.

Texas A&M 27 and Auburn 10– Multiple Awards for the Aggies – Max Johnson gets the E. King Gill Award for the 12th Man taking over from Connor Wiegman and the Taking It to the Max for coming in and winning the game. He also receives the Johnson and Johnson Award for connecting with his brother, Jake, for a touchdown. Note: There was $2.50 in my Big Solid Swear Jar and there was still 6 minutes left in the first quarter.  Double note: Another $2.00 into the jar when Wiegman was injured.

I would like to award Auburn the Number 2. This is for the number of yards you had for the third quarter. Also your offense did not score a touchdown. Can we give the A&M Defense some love? Hearts and Hamburgers for the Big Men!

Jimbo? He gets the You are Not the 12th Man Award for being on the field as the Auburn runner runs by him.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas 38 and Baylor 6 – Baylor receives the Calendar Award so it can find the start of basketball season. Texas is 4 and 0 for the first time since 2012. The Horns Receive the You Ain’t Seen Nothing, Yet Award! But again, it is the Big 12 – kind of like taking your cousin to the prom.

Kansas  38 BYU 27 – Rock Chalk Jayhawk. You are awarded The Big 12 Undefeated Award – just like Texas! And undefeated like Oklahoma! Last time the Jayhawks were 4 and 0, Woodrow Wilson was president.

Oregon 42 and Colorado 6 The dance has ended for Cinderella, but maybe not the season. Colorado receives the Prime Time Reality Check Award.  

LSU 34 and Arkansas 31 – Both teams receive Poopy Underwear Awards. It was a really good game. To LSU, I award The Not There Yet Award. You still look average. The Hogs were a problematic the entire game. I award them the Root Root Root Sooey Pig Award. I wonder who Arkansas plays next week? Oh Crap!

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Friday, September 22, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Four

Posted on September 22, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, September 22, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Four

It is the first day of fall and the temperature in Texas is 101.

This week in football we find out who is real and who is Memorex. You got to be old to understand that metaphor. If you do not know what it means, Google it. For most teams, conference plays begins. No more cupcake teams.

But there is football morning, afternoon and night. Here are the teams I shall be watching.

At 11:00 we have:

Auburn at Texas A&M University on ESPN.

SEC Nation is in town. I shall not be in the pit at 5:30 am with my sign. In the battle of the land grant flagships, I dream of Jeannie with the light Auburn hair. More war birds! Auburn comes to Kyle Field undefeated. However, the Tigers have played the University of Massachusetts, California, and Samford. Mimosas and bloody Mary’s for everybody. Note to self: Get Big Solid Swear Jar ready. TAMU? Please bring a defense!

Oklahoma visits WKRP in Cincinnati. On Fox. The Bearkats meet the Sooners for their first Big 12 play. Good luck with that Bearkats!

Florida State and Clemson on ABC. – I really do not care, but it seems that Dabo’s coaching seat is a bit warm.

The afternoon – Grab your swear jar, the oxygen tanks and some clean underwear.

Ole Miss at Alabama 2:30 on CBS

“A horse, a horse – my kingdom for a horse.” Richard III – Shakespeare

“A quarterback, a quarterback – my dynasty for a quarterback.” Nick Saban – All of Alabama

Hoddy Toddy! Hold your popcorn and throw your headset, this is going to be good. Lane Kiffen is the kind of guy that you have a blind date with in college. You come back and tell your roommate how weird he is. Then you end up marrying him!

Colorado and Oregon 2:30 on ABC – Duck, duck Deion! Team Sanders will need it all against the ducks. But it could be a Colorado high.

At 3:00 on SEC we have Tennessee and UTSA. I think Wylie Coyote will win this one against the roadrunners.

Evening Hours

Arkansas at LSU at 6:00 on ESPN – Boudin comes in pig casings. Andouille sausage also comes in pig casings. Just saying. Geaux Tigers!

Ohio State and Notre Dame at 6:30 on NBC – This is the type of game when I hope for a lightening, hail and snow storm. But Buckeyes You, ND. RL? I shall await your ND text!

Mississippi State at South Carolina at 6:00 on ESPN – Get the Big Solid Swear Jar ready. Evenly matched mediocre teams. Hail State!

Sam Houston State University at the University of Houston at 6:00 on a stream. The vultures are gathering around 4800 Calhoun Street. Dana? You cannot lose to Rice and Sam Houston in the same year.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas at Baylor -THEE University at 6:30 ABC –Let us pray. Oh Lord, please resurrect the 1974 Miracle on the Brazos game when it was 27 to 7 at halftime and Baylor came back to win 34-24 to win the Southwest Conference Championship for the first time in 50 years. Bless you Grant Teaff! Sadly, this could be ugly and the Bears will need a miracle. But still no Arch!

BTHO AUBURN!

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Monday, September 18, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Three

Posted on September 18, 2023 | 1 comment

Monday, September 18, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Three

It was a most interesting weekend. Some teams played cupcake teams and the cupcakes got their  next year’s athletic budgets. Some teams that were supposed to be cupcakes turned up to be real teams. Some teams began conference play while others still had a few warm up games.

Let’s start with the elephant in the room. To Alabama, you receive The Sink Hole Award. I thought of another four letter word that begins with “S” and also has the letter “I” in it, but I decided to keep it clean. This award is followed by The Rumors Abounding Award – Nick Saban is retiring and Deion Sanders will be the next coach of the TIDE. Not making that up. Plus Manning rumors of transfer. Arch Manning is not coming to Alabama. At least not yet. Alabama  17 and South Florida 3.

The Umbrella Awards go to Alabama, Baylor and Texas A&M for the rain delays. While the rains did bring the Tide to roll, ugly as it was, Baylor thought it was a baptism, so they returned to defeat Long Island 30 to 7. And there was no impact from the rains on the Aggies because the start of the game was delayed. Other than other than a few quarters added to the BSSJ for the delays.

Blow Out Awards go to OU, Tortilla Tech and Texas A&M for their victories of OU 66 – Tulsa 17, Tech 41 Tarleton State 3, and Texas A&M 47 and ULAMO 3.

To U of H coach Dana, I award The CCR Award because I See a Bad Moon Rising. University of Houston 13 –  TCU 36.

Georgia? Please step forward and receive your Poopy Undies Award and The Alarm Clock Award for waking up in the second half  of the game. Bulldogs 24 South Carolina Gamecocks 14.

LSU? Your award this week is the Bayou Rising Award by defeatingMississippi State 41 to 14. Because the Big Solid Swear Jar already had $2.00 by half time, I did not watch the second half.

Tennessee may pick up their Pepto Bismal trophy for being upset by Florida. Rocky Flopped on this one! Vols 15-Florida 29.

The award for Best Crossover Sports goes to: A tie between Tennessee and Florida and Colorado and Colorado State. Both teams displayed fighting skills before and after the games.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas and Wyoming. I award the Horns the Well-Played Award. Wyoming Cowboys offered you a little bit of competition – 31 to 10. Probably the most competition you will receive in the Big 12 if you can get past OU!

The Best Game of the Week Award goes to Colorado and Colorado State – Throwing shade a few days before, a fight before kick-off, tying the game on the last play of regulation, double OT with a Colorado win 43 to 35- what a great game! I wish I did not sleep through it.! I think the Buffaloes are real.

The Best Play of the Weekend goes to Missouri for a 61 yard field walk off goal to defeat Kansas State 30 to 27.

The Best Kick in Football goes to: Watch closely. This game is between two small high school in Waco. The kick, with no goal post netting, goes through the uprights and into the window of a passing car.

https://www.si.com/high-school/2023/09/16/extra-point-kick-sailing-into-open-window-passing-car-best-thing-video

Stay safe. Stay strong and be kind to people.

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Friday, September 15, 2023 – Snark on Medians and Snarky Friday Football

Posted on September 15, 2023 | 2 comments

Friday, September 15, 2023 – Snark on Medians and Snarky Friday Football

Let us begin and snark out on The Median that Stole Christmas. Somewhere, some transportation medium minds decided to install medians with turn lanes on all of the major roads that connect and intersect in Bryan and College Station.

This means I have to go two blocks beyond my dentist office, turn left, go through two parking lots, cross a street, go through another parking lot and then go down a back alley to get to my dentist’s office. This is all because the left turn that was once right in front of the dentist office is now an uncrossable median.

But wait! Because there are now medians all along Texas Avenue connecting College Station to Bryan, it means the 93rd year old tradition of a BCS Christmas parade will not happen in 2023. The floats and other parade stuff (marching bands, drill teams, horses, etc.) CANNOT maneuver the medians. Bah Humbug!

But floating on to my football games for week three. I am so confused. Who’s on First? I have not heard of these teams. It’s another Cupcake Weekend.

The 11:00 am hour begins with Long Island in Waco playing Baylor on Big12. I thought long island was a type of alcoholic tea. But given the way Baylor is playing, they might not be able to beat their way out of a tea bag.

Florida State plays Boston College at 11:00 on ABC. I so enjoy teams with the same colored uniforms. This should be a blow out unless there is a Flutie resurgence.

There is an 11:00 game that might be worth watching. On ESPN LSU meets Mississippi State in Starkville. Come on Big Solid Awards! Sorry, CSE, I have to go with Bulldogs and maroon and white.

Moving through the day, at 2:30 on CBS Georgia continues to sleep walk against South Carolina. And Alabama tries to regroup from last week and plays the women’s hockey team from Our Lady of the Swamp Academy. Actually, the TIDE plays South Florida. Bama? Do not make me give you a Grocery Award for the number of sacks this week.

Oklahoma plays Tulsa at 2:30 on ESPN2. Boomer Sooner Cupcake? Who knows.

My game at 9:00 will be a Rocky Mountain Showdown between Colorado State and Colorado Deion. Shedeur not want to piss off Colorado. Oops, too late. One more game and the Buffaloes might be real.

The evening games begin with Tarleton State (aka Little Aggies) against Tortilla Tech in Lubbock at 6:00 on some network I do not get. I would love to have the income from the number of Wrangler wearing and Roper stompers that will be at this game. Lots of cowboys and cowgirls from both sides. This game will fund Tarleton’s entire athletic budget. FYI – Tarleton is a really cool little school. It has a secret organization named Purple Poo! How cool is that?

Speaking of purple poo, TCU and the U of Houston might be fun to watch at 7:00 on Fox. Coaches’ seats are warming up for both sides. Dana? Rice? You lost to Rice?

Speaking of cowboys the University of Wyoming visits Austin and THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. My prediction – TU will win big against a much inferior team. Then they will scream and hoot and holler again about how good they are. DA will post several memes on FB to irritate me but will make me laugh. In spite of a large victory margin, there will be no Manning the ship this week.

And now, the Game of the Week. Texas A&M University versus the University of Louisiana at Monroe – ULAMO! This game is at 3:00 on the SECN.

A little about the opponent. It was founded in 1931 as “the state’s most attractive bayou school.” Pretty much lost me at bayou. It was called Ouachita Parish Junior College until three years later when the legislature renamed it the University of North Center of Louisiana State University. While I am not certain but this could have been done because no one could pronounce Ouachita and it sounds like a banana.

In 1939 it was renamed Northeast Junior College to LSU. It pretty much remained that way until 1950 when it became a four year college named Northeast Louisiana State College. In 1969 it was renamed Northeast Louisiana University. And finally in 1999 it was renamed the University of Louisiana at Monroe or ULAMO. Actually I just snarked the ULAMO label.

Prominent alumni are the country-western singer, Tim McGraw and the Alabama women’s basketball coach, Kristy Curry – a really good coach! And also one of those Duck Dynasty fellows. I do not know which one because they all look alike. Plus, I was shocked that one of them is a college graduate.

The school’s mascot is Ace the Warhawk. As you can see it is another anthropomorphic character or a person in a bird outfit.

An interesting factoid about ULM is that since 1979 the schools has won 28 National Collegiate Water Skiing Championships. Is this like equestrian sports where you must bring your own horse. Do you have to bring your own boat?

This is school that has an enrollment of 6929 undergraduates. HWIT, there are probably that many undergrads in all of the A&M athletics programs combined. And that includes the quidditch team and intramurals.

Therefore, HWIT – Jimbo/Bobby! I want to see everybody play and everybody score. I want a special teams’ score and a defensive score. I want lots of offensive scores! I want the score with two minutes remaining to be so large over ULAMO, that a 75 year old woman, with a hip replacement could run a play. Remember Appalachian State!. If this is not a supreme blow out, then the Big Solid Swear Jar will go to the BUYOUT!

And don’t forget you got more war fowls flying in next week.

BTHO ULAMO!

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Monday, September 11, 2023 –My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on September 11, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, September 11, 2023 –My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

But first, let us remember where you were on this day in 2001!  Long ago, yet yesterday and today. RIP those who sacrificed. You are not forgotten.

And now Week Two of my weekly awards …

Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts; mutilated monkey feet, little dirty birdy feet…

And that is how it was, Sports fans! Here’s What I’m Thinking.

What a crappy college football weekend!. Everybody gets a Poopy Undies Award! Pick those up at Port-a-Potties zero through 10 on the west side of the building on your way out.

Nevertheless, will my award teams please come forward for your awards?

LSU? Step back, you are not getting an award for winning 72 to10. But I’m pretty sure you lost the half-time to the Grambling Band.

To THE UNIVERSITY of Texas, I award a Great Win, BUT Trophy. Yes, you beat a really crappy Alabama team 34 to 24 for two wins in a row. But do not rest on your laurels. You still have the Big 12 season but given the playing of the other teams from Texas this weekend, you could end up playing Kansas for the Championship. So I also award the Longhorns, the I’ll Check Back in October Award. To Alabama, I award The Elephant Never Forgets Trophy. It comes with a listing of available portal quarterbacks.

To Baylor, I award the God Heard What You Said in the Final Minutes. He also heard when we all screamed PASS INTERFERENCE on the so-called last play. Utah 20 Baylor 13

To the Rice University Owls who defeated their cross gang rivals the University of Houston 43 to 41 in double OT, I award The Hooters Award. What a difference a Daniels makes? With Covid, redshirts, medical redshirts, some of these players will be assistant professors before they finally use up their eligibility. Seriously, by the time I had 8 years of college I had half of a PhD.

To the Prime Time Wonder Boys of Colorado, I award the I’m Still Not Convinced Award.  Colorado 36 Nebraska 14

To Mississippi State, I award not one, but two Big Solid Silver Awards to the team and to the young man who intercepted two passes. Sidebar: A few have asked about Big Solid. Big Solid (Larry) played linebacker for Mississippi State. His claim to fame (among many) was intercepting a pass from Joe Namath and running it back for a touchdown. Big Solid and his lovely Sweet Potato Queen wife, Janne, always read HWIT football and he always loved when he was mentioned. Big Solid passed away this spring so I decided to honor him with as many mentions as I can. A Big Solid Award goes to a linebacker who intercepts and scores. A Big Solid Silver goes to an interception by a linebacker from Mississippi State. And a Big Solid Gold will go to a Mississippi State linebacker who intercepts and scores a touchdown. I hope I got that right, Janne. Oh yes, Mississippi State 31 Arizona 24 in OT.

Even though I never met Big Solid I believe we shared common adjectives for describing plays, teams, tackles, passes, coaches, announcers, commercials for our respective teams and others. Therefore this year I have instituted The Big Solid Swear Jar. I thought about making various coins for various words, but just said, “F-that”, everything gets a quarter. Last week, the BSSJ had $1.00. This week I just threw in two roll of quarters at the end of the TU/Tide game. That is $20 or 80 quarters.

However, most of those coins were put (thrown) in the jar during the Texas A&M/Miami game. Miami 48 Texas A&M 33. The Aggies get the Moon over Miami Award for getting their asses whipped. To Jimbo and Bobby I award The Climate Change Award because your seats are getting warmer! To the Fighting Aggie Team, READY! AIM! FIRE! RELOAD! WHOOP! Stay Calm and Gig ‘Em!

Pray for rain. Pray for peace.

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Friday, September 8, 2023 –  Snarky Sarky Friday Week Two

Posted on September 8, 2023 | 4 comments

Friday, September 8, 2023 –  Snarky Sarky Friday Week Two

Sorry for the delay in posting today’s Here’s What I’m Thinking. I was day drinking and celebrating the life of Jimmy Buffett. Consider it a warm up exercise for tomorrow.

The second week begins with more bit more excitement. The morning begins with several “Saturday Errand Games.” Go run the usual Saturday morning errands because few of these games offer much in the way of competition.

Georgia and Ball State play at 11:00 on SECN. Another cupcake game for Georgia. What if all of Georgia’s games are cupcakes? Is UGA good enough for a threepeat?

On ESPN the Bears from Baylor try to resurrect game and perhaps season when they welcome My Cousin Vinny’s Two Utes from Utah at 11:00. Sadly, this could be just downright ugly in Waco and on TV too.

If neither one of those games interest you, the game on Fox at 11:00 just might. We have the Nebraska Cornhuskers and the Colorado Buffalos. I do love a big hat in the shape of a giant yellow corn cob. We get to see if Prime Time is real or was TCU just a fluke and an adrenaline rush.

A game of mild interest is Arizona and Mississippi State on SECN at 6:30. Hail State! Have Big Solid Swear Jar ready.

A most interesting game might be between Ole Miss and Tulane on ESPN2 at 2:30. I would love to see Weird Giffen’s face if Tulane wins. But Hoddy Toddy, Cutbirth Faulkner, Ole Miss!

But THE game of the afternoon is the 2:30 game on ESPN between Texas A&M at the University of Miami. Let’s get acquainted with the opposition.

First of all Miami University is not the same as the University of Miami. One is in Ohio and the other is in Coral Cables, Florida. This is one of which I speak and who the Aggies play.

The University of Miami was founded in 1925. In 1926 a hurricane destroyed most of what little was built. The classes were moved into The Anastasia Building and was used for temporary classes. For a period of time UM was called The Cardboard College.

The “U” as it is known is a private university known for exceedingly difficult entry as an undergrad (27 of 100 admitted) and as a powerhouse for research for graduates (a doctoral delight.). The game will be played in the Hard Rock Stadium which is 21 miles from Coral Cables. HWIT, if the U is so damn smart why is the stadium 30 minutes away? Also, it is a small stadium with capacity at only 69,000. That is numerous Friday night tailgate parties and Midnight Yell in College Station.

Also the Hurricanes are offering a BOGO to try to fill the stadium. Buy a ticket to the UMiami game and get a free ticket to the Georgia Tech game.

The team name is the “Hurricanes” and the team mascot is an anthropomorphic character named Sebastian the Ibis. Yeah, I thought it was a duck also.

An ibis is a water wading bird. Folklore maintains that the Ibis, a symbol of knowledge found in the Everglades and Egypt, is the last sign of wildlife to take shelter before a hurricane and the first to reappear after the storm.

This game is definitely the litmus test for both universities. So glad I have practiced day drinking.

But THE GAME is at 6:00 on ESPN when The Alabama Crimson Tide hosts THE University of Texas Longhorns in Tuscaloosa. Given that Guest Picker for Game Day from Tuscaloosa is Joe Namath, I have already deposited a dollar in the Big Solid Swear Jar before the start of the game.

I understand Alabama is repaying the band favor and having the Longhorn band sit in Sections 101 through 102 in the neighboring county.

HWIT,  One in a row, TU, does not make you a member of the SEC. I hope there will be payback for the yells from last year when the Horns yelled something about a duck and you and Saban during a TV interview. Perhaps they were thinking of the insurance commercial. I am thinking similar sounding  adjectives for THE University.  ROLL TIDE!  I don’t care if you are on the one yard line with one second left in the game and a 49 point lead. Run the score up Bevo’s butt!

BTHO UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI!

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Monday, September 4, 2023 – My Labor Day Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on September 4, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, September 4, 2023 – My Labor Day Monday After College Football Awards

What wonderful weekend for college football lovers. So many games. So many teams. So much money. Here are the first Monday awards for this season.

The Award for the Most Frequently Heard Word during the football games this weekend… It is a tie between “transfer” and “portal.”

Our first team award today is the Convincing Award. Will all of the teams that scored 40 points or more in a convincing win against their cupcake team, please pick up your trophy at the desk?

Whatsamatta U aka THE University of Texas may pick their Certificate of Participation off the printer in the next room. Horns? You scored 37 points and YOU PLAYED RICE! Vanderbilt scored more points! This was supposed to be a cupcake game, even though Rice certainly does not need the money.

However, I do award the Needs Improvement Award to THE University of Texas. Note: A lot of improvement before heading to Tuscaloosa and addressing the elephant in the room.

Also receiving a Need Improvement Certificate is Baylor. Really? Texas State Bobcats in Waco? Baylor may need more improvement that TU. Is that stadium paid for yet?

The Award for I Told You So goes to Colorado and Coach Prime. That was most fun to watch. While the game was indeed an offensive spectacular, it remains to be seen if Deion’s method of releasing all previous 80 players and selecting through the portal works.

I award TCU with the Chad and Jeremy Award for That was Yesterday and Yesterday’s Gone. Just because you participated in last’s year’s National Championship Game does not mean it should be mentioned as your laurels – especially given the way you played. Are you paying attention, future TCU announcers?

All of the teams in The Cupcake Games may pick up their entire 2024 Athletic Budget checks at the Exit Gate marked $$$. New Mexico received 1.6 million from Texas A&M. These include, but are not limited to UMass, MTST, UNM, Ark State. SE Louisiana, Mercer and Texas State. The Men’s and Women’s LaCross teams thank you.

The Best Uniform Award goes the University of Houston for their throw back Houston Oilers, Love Ya, Blue uniforms.

The Ugly Uniform Award goes to Wyoming. The yellow is ok, but it is the bovine doo doo brown that is the issue. It should be against NCAA regulations for a school to have brown as a color. Especially if the numbers are in Saloon Font. However ugly the uniforms were , they did look nice in the second OT and beating Tortilla Tech.

And last…Certainly not to be blasé, but LSU? What the Hell happened last night? At times you looked like Wyoming’s bovine doo doo brown! I would never cheer for Florida State. I know the rules – Never cheer for a team from Florida! Therefore, LSU receives the Get It Together Award.

Big Solid Swear Jar – Week One – $1.75 – All LSU fault!

Enjoy Labor Day. Pray for rain.

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Friday, September 1, 2023 – The Official Season of Snarky Friday Kicks-Off

Posted on September 1, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, September 1, 2023 – The Official Season of Snarky Friday Kicks-Off

Tomorrow is the kick-off for NCAA Division I Football season. I know there were games yesterday, but I’m saving my Florida Alligator and Utah Two Utes for later. But dang, the two UTES looked good!

Obviously I am excited to see Texas A&M in our Redemption Year. The Texas Aggies play the New Mexico Lobos in Kyle Field at 6:00 on ESPN.

            What? What’s a lobo? It’s a wolf. Where wolf? There wolf? What? There wolf! There Castle.

Game time temperatures will hover around 102 degrees, but feels like you are stuck on the sun. It was brutal back in the day and that was just sun in your face and reasonable September temperatures of 95 degrees and 1,000,000 plus fewer sweat-sharing bodies standing and swaying during War Hymn.

Tailgaters will be copping their spots today and tomorrow. No need for stoves. Just set those hot dogs in an aluminum pan and place on the sidewalk in the sun for sizzling.

It is important to hydrate. Start hydrating the night before! We Aggies do. It is called Midnight Yell Practice. Continue to hydrate  during the day. We do. We drink watered down, but ice cold Coors Beer from our new beer vendor. Stay hydrated during the game and drink our other new sponsor, Modelo. Seriously, it will be brutal out there.

But I am ready to Beat the Hell Out of New Mexico! I got my damnit doll. I got my – new this year -Big Solid Swearing Jar, and my Remember Appalachian State t-shirt rag!

But before the Aggies there are those 11:00 AM Bloody Mary Morning games.

At 11:00 Virginia is at UT (Not YOU Texas!) in Nashville on ABC. The Vols also get Game Day. Watch for ugly, orange uniforms and checkerboard end zones. Rocky Top might just be a top this year.

Also at 11:00 there is Ball State and Kentucky on the SEC Network.

OU plays Arkansas State on ESPN @ 11:00. And Baylor plays Texas State in their cupcake games.

At 2:30 UMass plays Auburn on ESPN. Wait? The same UMASS that just won it’s first opening football game since the 1970’s and the game that the drone flew over? That UMASS? Who scheduled that game? Was the drone disguised as a War Eagle?

At 3:30 SE Louisiana and Mississippi State on SECN. Hail State!

At 6:30 MTSU plays Alabama on the SECN. MTSU? Who is YOU? Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders, Oh come on! Is this a Middle School or Pop Warner team? Who did your schedule? Oh wait, I see it now. This week the before the game with Texas University. Brilliant Saban.

Georgia is not on my mind and neither is it on TV unless you stream. I am unable to stream and HULU at the same time.

Elsewhere…

We have Colorado and TCU at 11:00 on Fox. Now this could be fun. See what Deon brings. TCU? Please try not to embarrass the state of Texas this year in any championships.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas plays the Rice Owls at 2:30 on Fox. I loved going to the Rice/Texas games in the Old Rice Stadium. I hope the MOB (Marching Owl Band) plays at half-time.

If you are not aware this year’s slogan for THE UNIVERSITY is “Embrace the Hate” because the school seems to think all teams loved to hate Texas. I suppose it is somewhat better than Guns Up by Tortilla Tech who plays Wyoming at 6:30 on CBS.

Also at 6:30 on FS 1 we have the University of Houston in their Big 12 debut playing UTSA. This could be a good game. Roadrunners chasing a cougar.

West Virginia and Penn State play at 6:30 on NBC. Definitely one of them will be an Ugly Uniform winner on Monday.

Sam Houston plays BYU at 9:30. The good news is that Sammy Bearkat gets to play with the Big Boys! The bad news is that the game is in Provo, Utah. I hope I make it to half-time.

Don’t forget Sunday night when LSU plays Florida State on ABC.

I hope your team wins unless you went to New Mexico.

BTHO New Mexico!

And to my other alma mater – Stephen F. Austin State University.

Pray for rain. Pray for Maui.

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