Monthly Archives: September 2018

Tuesday, September 18, 2018 – OOOOOOOklahoma!

Tuesday, September 18, 2018 – OOOOOOOklahoma!

OOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain,
And the wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rainnnnnnn OOOOOklahoma…

Last Sunday at the Hobby Center in Houston I saw a stage production of my favorite musical – Oklahoma. The opening notes of the Overture just make my heart beat faster. Then Curly walks on the stage and begins “Oh what a beautiful morning…” I remember my mother singing that song. But I am mesmerized until the final curtain call.

I’m just a girl who cain’t say no the musical Oklahoma. Speaking of Ado Annie, I hope Mary Jo does not mind if I tell this story.

Years ago when the institution of higher education was call East Texas State University in Commerce, Texas, the theatre department presented Oklahoma. If I recall, one of Mary Jo’s relatives was in the production and all of the relatives from all over East Texas came to opening night. This included Grandpaw.

The relative had the role of Ado Annie. Right in the middle of her song “I’m just a girl who cain’t say no”, Grandpaw jumped and yelled “SHE’S A WHORE!”

I believe as they say “the show went on” but I am not certain about the young lady’s acting career.

From the CinemaScope version of the 1955 Rodgers and Hammerstein film, “Oklahoma!”. Gloria Grahame performs “I Cain’t Say No”. Enjoy.

 

 

 

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Review: I write about the teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

So On Wisconsin to accept your Poopy Undies Award for losing to BYU 21-24.

The Wisconsin kicker who missed the game tying field goal to go to overtime receives The Hooked Left Award. This comes with a Bless Your Heart Certificate.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Tigers of LSU and their fans. Nevertheless, a win over Auburn is worth it.

The Best Kick of the Day goes to the LSU kicker for kicking the game winning field goal with two seconds on the clock. LSU 22-Auburn 21.

It was not close enough for Poopy Undies but I am awarding the Grab Your Beads Award to Notre Dame for allowing Vanderbilt to come close. ND – 22 Vandy 17.

The One Kick Off Wonder Award goes to Ole Miss for their one and only score against Alabama. Tide 62 – Ole Miss 7. Rumors abound that Coach Saban put in the women’s soccer team; the tuba section of the band and two cheerleaders in the fourth quarter.

Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi State all share the We Scored Lots of Points and Win Big Award.

Baylor lost to Duke in what was not even close in The Baptists and Blue Devil Bowl. BU 27 Duke 40. I supposed the Blue Devil thing extends beyond Wake Forest. (See last Friday) It will be ok; Baylor, Kansas is next weekend. What? Kansas scored 55 points against Rutgers? I don’t know if Kansas scored 55 points last season in four games. Rock Chalk Jayhawk could cause some problems in Waco land.

Congrats to THE University of Texas for their win over USC 37 -14. However, I award the Horns The Ugly Uniform Award. Tradition is one thing, but uniforms that look like 1956 are another. They just look old.

Ohio State achieved The Revenge on The Little Sisters of the Poor Award by a 40 to 28 win over TCU. Watch out Texas the Frogs will be spitting mad next weekend. And their uniforms are prettier.

The Best Play of Any Football Game of the Weekend Award goes to University of North Texas for the fake fair catch and then touchdown run. Even if you have seen it, it is still fun to watch. The School Yard Play Award to UNT!

That means Arkansas gets The Our Face is as Red as Our Uniforms Award. Meanwhile the Eagles turned the Arkansas Hogs into a pig sty with a 44 to 17 win.

https://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2018/9/16/17864636/north-texas-fake-fair-catch-punt-return-td

The Throw Back to Last Year Award goes to the Texas Aggies. You looked like last year’s Aggies. This will not play well in Tuscaloosa next weekend. However, let us not forget the Aggies had FOUR touchdowns recalled. The score ended 48 to 10 over University Louisiana Monroe.

My last award of the day goes to the two mouths talking in the SEC announcer booth for the Aggies and Monroe game. Quite simply – YOU BOTH SUCK! You are supposed to call the football game. Instead you spent the entire fourth quarter talking:

  • Over the referee’s calls
  • While players are injured on the field
  • About personal stories of people and things nobody knows or cares about
  • Your impressions of all the Aggie and Warhawk football players you met during the week

With each play, instead of calling the play, you both gave your biased analysis of how that play or that player will do against Alabama next week. Granted, I do not know Coach Nick Saban. But here’s what I’m thinking. If Coach Saban wanted or needed your opinions, he would have already asked you and you would not be sitting in an announcing both doing a crappy job.

Friday, September 14, 2018 – Snarky Friday – College Football’s Most Valuable Team

Friday, September 14, 2018 – Snarky Friday – College Football’s Most Valuable Team

My apologies for running late with Snarky Friday. But at least I am still running.

It is Snarky Friday and let’s begin with a huge SNARK because there is a new dollar bill in town. Forbes Magazine states that college football’s most valuable team is:

Texas A&M University

So much for Bevo being the cash cow. The 148 million average annual revenue of Texas A&M is the largest in the nation. If you live anywhere but Austin, the media states that THE University of Texas’ annual revenue of 133 million, is a “distance second.” If you live in Austin, the media states it is a “close second.” It must some kind of new math they teach in Austin.

Speaking of increasing revenue, the Aggies will increase the revenue and warm up Saturday night against University of Louisiana Monroe. FYI – for those of you unfamiliar with the state of Louisiana Monroe is a fancy place in North Louisiana. If I understand correctly, do not confuse Monroe with West Monroe. One is fancier than the other.

THE University of Texas will have fond memories of USC from 2005, but that will be all the Horns will have. They kickoff at 7:00 on Fox.

While there are games at 11:00 they fall into the “I do not care category.” The real games are in the afternoon. Let’s start at 2:30 on CBS where we find the Tigers of LSU against the Tigers of Auburn. Geaux Tigers. LSU has a real tiger while Auburn is named for a hair color and has an anthropomorphic tiger.

Also at 2:30 on ESPN we have the Oklahoma State Cowboys against the Broncos of Boise State. If this game is on that blue field with the OSU orange it will be color blinding and nauseating. Go Pokes.

Baylor gets to play Duke on FS1 at 2:30. Did you know that the Duke mascot of Blue Devils is a result of a vote in 1923 partly to anger the Baptists of Wake Forest? Sic ‘Em Bears!

http://www.goduke.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=4200&ATCLID=242333

At 3:15 on Fox with lots of red colors, Major Applewhite takes his University of Houston Cougars team against Kliff Kingsbury’s Texas Tech Raiders. Go Shasta.

Ohio State and TCU play at 7:00 on ABC. I had no idea there was such rivalry between these two teams dating back to 2010. It started when the president of Ohio State suggested the only reason the Frogs were undefeated was because they play the “Little Sisters of the Poor.” Then when TCU defeated Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl, TCU alums placed digital billboards around Columbus, Ohio that read:

CONGRATULATIONS TO TCU

For their BCS Rose Bowl Victory – Little Sisters of the Poor.

Go Frogs.

And last, but in no way least, at 6:00 on ESPN the Rebels of Ole Miss go up against The Tide of Alabama. While the Tide will roll, the Rebels could provide some grief. Therefore, I am awarding a Potential Poopy Undies to the Bama Fans. This is not for a loss, but for plays that will scare you. Hotty Toddy!

BTHO Louisiana Monroe

I wonder who the Aggies play next week.

Thursday, September 13, 2018 – Here Comes the Rain Again

Thursday, September 13, 2018 – Here Comes the Rain Again

Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

Actually, Anne Lennox and Eurythmics, I do not think you want to talk in the open wind with the rain falling. The rain falling on the Texas coast is a memory of Hurricane Ike ten years ago today and Hurricane Harvey last year. And now there is Florence along the East Coast.

Nevertheless, the video with Anne Lennox is haunting as she is. I never did figure out the guy in the Eurythmics, but her voice is great. Enjoy.

One more thought for the day. I bought this tube of Chapstick this morning. The packaging said it was “age defying.” So I rubbed it all over my body. I’ll get back to you with the results.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018 –Florence and I Can Name That Poem in Nine Words

Water, water, everywhere,

And all the boards did shrink;

Water, water, everywhere,

Nor any drop to drink.

If you said Rime of the Ancient Mariner, you are correct. You win an all-expense paid trip to Puerto Rico. Now for the trip to the Kentucky coast following Hurricane Florence, name the author.

As we have been informed Hurricane Florence is “big and wet.” I am certainly not a meteorologist, but I do not think I have ever heard of a “dry hurricane.” I have heard of “dry heaves” from a hurricane.

I Googled (I hate it when a noun turns into a verb) “water gods and goddesses” to find there are hundreds from different cultures. I was hoping to find something the residents and soon to be former residents of Florence’s targeted areas could lash out in anger.

The closest I found was the ancient Greeks who would tell you that the God on which to pin the stormy weather would be Poseidon, God of the Sea. According to Greek mythology, Poseidon lost a battle of wits against Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom and Skill. It seems that Poseidon and Athena were asked to present gifts to the citizens of Athens. Poseidon gave the Athenians rivers of salty water and maybe rolls of paper towels. Athena gave them an olive tree symbolizing peace that brought them wood, oil and food.

I am sure there is an important parallel in there somewhere. Nevertheless the East Coast is readying for a true Poseidon adventure. This one is bringing sharks! If only there were wisdom and skill.

Ask the Texas Gulf Coast from last year, these are big-ass and bad-ass storms. Stay safe.

The author of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner is Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43997/the-rime-of-the-ancient-mariner-text-of-1834

Tuesday, September 11, 2018 – What Are You Thinking?

Tuesday, September 11, 2018 – What Are You Thinking?

Can you believe it has been 17 years since the planes crashed into a field in Pennsylvania, into The Pentagon in Washington D.C. and into the Twin Towers in New York City?

Our memories are as vibrant today as they were then. While we reflect and vow to never forget, we must also remember that every aspect of our world and our society changed that day. How we deal with the changes resulting from that day determines how we feel and act today.

Monday, September 10, 2018 – Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 10, 2018 – Monday After College Football Awards

Goodness gracious, great balls of football. As I mentioned last Friday the only game of significance was in Kyle Field between Clemson and Texas A&M. It was worth waiting for all day.

Before we get to that game there are a few other schools to receive awards. May I have the envelopes, please?

The Where’s the Defense Award goes to all of the schools that beat their opponent by 40 points or more. That was pretty much everybody of interest.

The Finally Award goes to Kentucky for finally beating Florida 27 to 16. Of course, I like any team that beats Florida.

The You Have to Play Four Quarters Award goes to THE University of Texas for allowing Tulsa to stay in the game. Yes, The Horns are back – back to just like last year and the year before that and … Texas 28 Tulsa 21. Pre Snarky Friday – Memories will not suffice for USC next Saturday.

The You Can’t Go Home Again Award goes to Coach Kevin Sumlin and the Arizona Wildcats. University of Houston 45 Arizona 18.

The most awards goes to the teams and coaches in the best game of the week.

The Poopy Undies and Where’s the Defibulator Awards goes to the Clemson Tigers and the Texas Aggies. These awards are presented to both teams for scaring the fan bases and creating needs for CPR.

The Decibel Doubting Dabo Award goes to Clemson coach, Dabo Swinny for doubting the decibel level of The 12th Man in Kyle Field would make a difference.

The Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Jimbo Fisher for screaming at the officiating crew from the Stevie Wonder School for Referring Controversy. Yes, there were bad calls on both teams, but the two worst (no flag on Clemson pass interference and then the turnover costing pylon call) were difference makers.

The Not Your Father’s Oldsmobile or Your Father’s Aggies Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies. Time definitely ran out before victory could be achieved.

The Danger, Danger, Will Robinson Award goes to the rest of the SEC from The Fighting Texas Aggies.

Happy Monday!

Friday, September 7, 2018 – Snarky Friday Presents

Friday, September 7, 2018 – Snarky Friday Presents

For your Friday pre college football weekend we proudly present The Dancing Snarketts under the direction of Lula Bell Snark.

The Eyes of Texas may be upon Bevo’s Boys in Austin, but the eyes of college football will be on Kyle Field in College Station at 6:00 Saturday night. There is only one college football game of any significance and that is Clemson and Texas A&M. It is a show time for two Land Grant schools. It will be a Bo Battle as DaBO from Clemson meets JimBO from Texas A&M.

ESPN College Game is in town. Before you ask, I am not going to Game Day. Even though Kirk Herbstreit is a favorite, I am not going to be in the pit at 6:00 AM. The team will be dining on the fabulous C&J Barbeque. Great job to the Manning Family – the barbeque Mannings, not the football Mannings.

I am certain Coach Coursehead will put the Clemson mascot head on noting a win for the team. Clemson’s mascot is one of those anthropomorphic mascots. That means it is a person dressed up in a furry costume and not a real animal. Not only is that boring, the mascot’s name is Tiger. Clemson stole the tiger mascot idea from Auburn when Walter Merritt Riggs – father of Clemson football – came to the university in 1910. FYI – The Aggies have a real animal and her name is Reveille and she has a raincoat.

Until the mid-1970’s Clemson’s mascot on the sidelines was called The Country Gentleman. It was a top-hatted character with a tiger head in a purple tail coat, with a cane representing Southern hospitality. Since the description is nearly identical to the first result when you perform a Google Image search for “pimp outfit,” one can see why this mascot when away. https://www.elevenwarriors.com/college-sports/2016-fiesta-bowl/2016/12/78234/clemsons-mascot-is-as-terrifying-as-it-is-unimaginative

Dancing on down the field with the Snarketts, the big snark goes to the weather forecast. Rain? Really? Thunderstorms and lighting and raining at game time will yield the dreaded Weather Delay.

Buck up Sissy Pants. I stood in Kyle Field in 1982 when Baylor and Texas A&M played in a monsoon. Baylor whipped the Aggies and every time the Bears scored there was thunder and lightning in the end zone. Oh well, it rains on both sides of the ball.

Please note if the field is wet, The Dancing Snarketts will not perform.

BTHO Clemson

Thursday, September 6, 2018 – Betty Lou Thelma Liz

Thursday, September 6, 2018 – Betty Lou Thelma Liz

This morning my trainer, BA, said, “Now up against the wall.” I replied “Red-Neck Mother.” When she looked at me with a clueless expression, I knew it was time for “Emergency Educational Intervention.”

Therefore, here’s what I’m thinking. I must publish this learning plan, with multimedia, to provide the necessary knowledge to the young people of Texas and abroad.

Here is my lesson plan.

Learning objective: At the conclusion of the video BA will be able to sing all of the words to the bar and party anthem of the 1970’s and beyond , Jerry Jeff Walker’s,

Up Against the Wall Red Neck Mother

Evaluation: After two margarita’s BA will be able to take over any amateur, Saturday night band in a honkytonk in Texas – just as those who shall remain nameless did long ago. Do not try to say you were not there. We were a hit at Henry’s for Genevieve’s Birthday – even though we never knew who Genevieve was.

Cue audio/visual:

Published on Sep 5, 2012

Jerry Jeff Walker
Vergennes VT
June 16, 2000

Many of you will notice the lyrics have been updated and are not as political as when Ray Willie Hubbard wrote the song and Jerry Jeff Walker sang it in 1973. BA, in the original version “H” was for Haggard, as in Merle.

Up Against TheWall Redneck

Jerry Jeff Walker

He was born in Oklahoma
And his wife’s name is Betty Lou Thelma Liz
He’s not responsible for what he’s doing
His mother made him what he is

And it’s up against the wall, redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well
He’s thirty four and drinkin’ in a honky tonk
Just kickin’ hippies’ asses and raisin’ hell

Sure does like his Falstaff beer
He likes to chase it down with that Wild Turkey liquor
He drives a ’57 GMC pickup truck
Got a gun rack
“A Goat Roper needs love too” sticker

And it’s up against the wall, redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well
He’s thirty four drinkin’ in a honky tonk
Kickin’ hippies’ asses and raisin’ hell, ah pick

Ah play it for mama

M is for the mud flaps she gave me for my pickup truck
O is…

M is for the mud flaps she gave me for my pickup truck
O is for the oil I put on my hair
T is for T-Bird
H is for Haggard
E is for Eggs
And R is for Redneck

Up against the wall, redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well
He’s thirty four and drinkin’ in a honky tonk
Kickin’ hippies’ asses and raisin’ hell, let’s go

Yeah and it’s up against the wall, redneck mother
Mother who has raised her son so well
He’s thirty four drinkin’ in a honky tonk
Kickin’ hippies’ asses and raisin’ hell

What’s that spell, let’s go get Oklahoma USA

I believe this version is still sung at The Dixie Chicken, BTHO Clemson!

 

Wednesday, September 5, 2018 – Golf

Wednesday, September 5, 2018 – Golf

For the first time in almost two months I made it to the golf course today. I was torn between playing 18 holes and arresting the woman in our foursome for wearing white pants after Labor Day. I am sure the indecision was a factor in my poor play. However, since the woman just moved to Texas from Wisconsin, she is probably unaware of this Southern fashion faux paux, I just gave her a warning ticket.