Monthly Archives: September 2018

Friday, September 28, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

Posted on September 28, 2018 | 2 comments

Friday, September 28, 2018 – The Snark Arrives

Listening to Fleetwood Mac’s – Tusk (love the drums) and making my grocery list – pork sausage; bacon, ham, chitlins, ham hocks, pig’s ears; pig’s feet. I am making breakfast brunch for the 11:00 games. Note to invited guests, I am kidding about the pig’s ears and feet. Let’s see who is on TV at that time.

On the SEC Network at 11:00 we have the # 1 Alabama Crimson Tide vs Louisiana. I think that means the Rajun Cajuns, but it could refer to the entire state of Louisiana. Oh well, they will still lose to Bama.

In a clash of orange (add orange juice to grocery) with their ugly orange anthropomorphic mascots we have Syracuse and Clemson on ABC.

ON ESPN 2 we find WVU couch burning Hillbillies and Texas Tech, Masked and Guns Up (you need to change to your mascot) Red Raiders. You can heat the thrown tortillas on WVU’s burning sofas when they win.

At 2:30 on ABC we have the Baylor Bears versus the Oklahoma Sooners. Let us pray.

Opposite the Bears and Sooners we find THE University of Texas versus K-State on FS1. Please Horns, do not blow this and look ahead to the following weekend!

On ESPN at 5:00 it is the Gators (are the Gators?) of Florida versus the Mississippi State Bulldogs. You know I never yell for a team from Florida, but will always yell for maroon and white with dogs as mascots.

On the Notre Dame network, NBC, at 6:30 we find Stanford and Notre Dame. Come on Cardinal (You know the mascot is a color or tree or a colored tree?) but come on smarty pants. Surely you can come up with some fancy electronic gadget or doodad to block out Touchdown Jesus. After all, the mosaic is on the library.

The Penn State Nittany Lions and the Ohio State seeds or fruits or whatever a Buckeye is, kick off at 6:30 on ABC. Is that what that stupid patch is on Ohio State’s helmets? Seeds? What is Ohio State going to do when no one can read cursive any more?

I will, of course, will be watching Ole Miss and LSU at 8:00 on ESPN with great, yet bittersweet memories. I will looking for you, Cousin Penny. Read yesterday’s post.

That’s it. Ready to go to grocery store. Wait. Seems as though I forgot one of my favorite teams. Well WHOOP! Texas A&M versus Arkansas plays at 11:00 am on ESPN in the neutral site of Dallas. Note to Razorbacks, there are no neutral sites when it comes to Aggies. We are everywhere.

I am sure the Razorbacks will bring their mascot. I believe the hog’s is Tusk. Why don’t you ask him if he’s going away? Just say that you want me. That’s right, Tusk, the Aggies want you!

Don’t forget champagne for mimosas and BTHO ARKANSAS!

Why don’t you ask him if he’s going to stay?
Why don’t you ask him if he’s going away?
Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?
Why don’t you tell me who’s on the phone?

Why don’t you ask him what’s going on?
Why don’t you ask him who’s the latest on his throne?
Don’t say…

Why don’t you ask him what’s going on?
Why don’t you ask him who’s the latest on his throne?
Don’t say that you love me!
Just tell me that you want me!

Tusk!
Just say that you want me
Just tell me that you

Tusk!
Tusk!
Tusk!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged college football, Fleetwood Mac Tusk, humor, Texas Aggies

Thursday, September 27, 2018 – The Halloween Game 7-3

Posted on September 27, 2018 | Leave a comment

Thursday, September 27, 2018 – The Halloween Game 7-3

If you are from Louisiana and follow LSU, when you hear “the Halloween Game.”you immediately think of Ole Miss, Billy Cannon and the run.

https://youtu.be/GIHdlAg4Uic

Billy Cannon about to sign my LSU shirt.

My LSU commemorative T-Shirt signed by Heisman Trophy winner, Billy Cannon and his blocking back at LSU – Cousin Donnie Daye.

This year when LSU and Ole Miss meet on Saturday, the statue of Billy Cannon will be unveiled. Billy Cannon’s request was “there will be no statue of me without the mention of the Tiger Football Team.” I understand there is a plaque with the names of all of the players on the team. Players and those representing team members no longer here will be present for the unveiling.

Cousin Donnie Daye and wife Penny with Donnie’s trophies. I know you will be looking down, Donnie.

Representing my family is Cousin Penny Daye, Donnie’s widow. She will wear one of Donnie’s jersey’s.

LSU band remembering Donnie. 2016 (I think)

GEAUX TIGERS! RIP Billy. Donnie already paved the way for you.

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Posted in College Football

Wednesday, September 26, 2018 – The Sinus Family

Posted on September 26, 2018 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, September 26, 2018 – The Sinus Family

As the old blue grass gospel song says “Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.” I do hope I get to Heaven. I work at it.

I am keeping a list of questions I would like to discuss with God when I get there. For example, is Bigfoot real or are You just messing with us? Or how about – Who really killed Jon Benet Ramsey and all the other people who are dead and nobody was held accountable? Today’s question might be – why do we humans have sinuses?

My Sinus Family heard the weatherperson just say “ragweed” on the report last night. They were so excited they immediately went into a congestion formation. The Nose Itchers launched immediately and fled into the nasal passage. The Eye Waterers filled the optic passages and turned the white of my eyes into red lines as if on a map. The Drainage Wenches are in a tickling match at the back of my throat. Of course The Congestion Queens just sat there, clogging up my sinuses passages. All of these members of the Sinus Family work to make me sleepy.

Awesome, it is now raining. Here come the Mold Mavens! I so wish I had invested in Clariton. And tissues.

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Posted in Education, humor

Posted on September 25, 2018 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, September 25, 2018 –But Auntie Delia. But Auntie Mame!

Get that Halloween stuff off of the shelves. Forget the turkey and fall stuff. Christmas Day is three months away! Let’s ensure we make Christmas as commercial as possible. I hope I hear my first carol next week that mentions snow when it is still 95 degrees in Texas. And I really hope it is one of the obnoxious ones that gives you music earworms and you cannot identify or forget. Maybe it will be those damn chipmunks.

I keep a tree up year round. Not a live one. This was my John Wayne tree from several years ago.

Then there was the Patsy Cline Shrine Tree.

This year I have had Dale’s last Christmas tree up since last Christmas. It gives a beautiful white light in the corner. It is near the refrigerator and the candy dish within easy reach for her. And yes, that is an Aggie maroon and white tree on top of the refrigerator.

I cannot believe another Christmas is three months from today.

For I’ve grown a little leaner,

Grown a little colder,

Grown a little sadder,

Grown a little older,

And I need a little angel

Sitting on my shoulder.

https://youtu.be/X6OJYTv4ipM

You sang along, didn’t you? Don’t tell me you didn’t. Have a Gleeful day.

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Posted in humor

Monday, September 24, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on September 24, 2018 | Leave a comment

Monday, September 24, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Let’s step right in it and award the Sooners of OU a big Poopy Undies Award. This is for Army taking the Sooners to OT before falling 21-28.

Before we leave Games of Toilet (the original Game of Thrones) the Dismal Pepto Bismal Trophies go to:

Mississippi State as the Kentucky Wildcats upset the Bulldogs 28 to 7.
Virginia Tech as the Old Dominion Monarchs score an upset for the ages with a 49 -13 victory. Go Butterflies!
The Oklahoma State Cowboys got thrown by Texas Tech OSU 17 Tech 41. Barf!
Photo by Kristen

Oklahoma State gets The Band Award because that was really the band in those ugly gray football uniforms.
The Smarty Pants Award goes to Stanford who rose from the stacks of the library and come from behind to defeat the Ducks of Oregon 38 to 31. What color/shade of green is that Oregon? Nike should be boycotted for creating that color. Chartreuse? Puke?

Photo by Jill.

The Coming Round the Mountain Award goes to THE University of Texas. The Longhorns looked legitimate against the Horned Frogs of TCU with a 31-16 victory. Don’t use all of your electricity lighting the Tower. There is still a road of screaming red ass rednecks ahead of you in Dallas and Lubbock in October and November.

Congrats to Baylor for their victory over Kansas. The Bears, however, receive The Condolences Award because they have to play a pissed off OU team in Norman on ABC on Saturday. Watch those Army/OU films. Better yet, get the Army from down the road at Fort Hood to play and ensure your basketball tickets are renewed.

To my Tigers of LSU I give you the I Knew You Could Do It Award for your victory over LA Tech 38-21. I also give you It’s a Special Week for Tiger Football Award. There will be more about this topic during the week.

The Put a Sock in Your Mouth Award goes to Gary Danielson who was one of the talking heads in the announcers’ booth for Alabama and Texas A&M. Did Coach Saban or Coach Fisher ask what plays you would have run? You seemed to second guess both of them on almost every play. Does anyone really care what you would have done if you ran the ball, passed the ball, or caught the ball? Beth Mowens calls a better game than you do, Gary, and she never wore a jock strap.

Moving to the Alabama Texas A&M game. The score was Texas A&M and Alabama 45. You know the Aggies never lose. They just run out of time. Therefore, I am awarding The Fighting Texas Aggies a Two Year Hourglass Award. Two years from now in Tuscaloosa. We shall return.

The Aggies also receive The Roman Candle Award because there were some very nice sparks on defense and offense. It was Bama’s closest margin of victory to date. Even though Aggie QB Kellen Mond receives the Does My Butt Look Good on the Ground Award, he also receives the I Ran for Almost 100 Yards Trophy.

To Alabama and Coach Saban I award The Run and Hide Award. When they say ROLL TIDE, it means every team needs to run and hide.

Alabama also receives The Mrs. Lathram Benefactor Award. They are just that good. Let’s see how long it takes you to figure that one out. Ha!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Saturday, September 22, 2018 – Mea Culpa; Mea Culpa Mea Maxi Mea Culpa

Posted on September 22, 2018 | Leave a comment

Saturday, September 22, 2018 – Mea Culpa; Mea Culpa; Mea Maxi Me Culpa

I apologize for not mentioning two of my favorite teams yesterday. I am going to blame it on my two and half hour wait with the unwashed masses at the DMV waiting to get my drivers’ license replaced.

Here’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I wanted to look natural for my photo so I went directly from the gym wearing my gym clothes and the gray T-shirt I slept in the night before. Thank you, BA, for a hard workout to make me hot and sweaty when I arrived at the building. Even though I cooled off waiting for two hours, sweaty hat head provided a great hair do for the pic. I can’t wait to see it.

Upon arrival, I pulled my number from the kiosk. It was S3070. I looked at the board where the numbers to be called are displayed. They were on S3025.

Alas, it was my turn. I truly empathize with the people who do this.

Underpaid state employee: Do you have something with your photo on it?

Me: No. That is my TDL and that is why I am here. To get it replaced.

Underpaid: Your passport?

Me: No. In the box at the bank.

So I just gave her my wallet and said “What’s in my wallet?”

Underpaid: Here is your Medicare card. That will work.

Me: Big Sigh. So I gave my thumbprints, signed my name on an electronic box and had my photo made. Did I mention I have sty on my right eye? I cannot wait to see the photo.

My apologies to my fans in Louisiana and Mississippi for leaving you out on Snarky Friday. Here you go!

At 6:00 PM today on ESPNU the Tigers of LSU cupcake against the Bulldogs of LaTech. Tech XXII will be eaten by Mike VII as dessert. GEAUX Tigers!

ON ESPN2 Billy Bulldog

and the other Bulldogs of Mississippi State go up against the Wildcats of Kentucky. Bulldogs abound in the SEC, but the prettiest lady in football is Reveille.

LSU Tigers and State Bulldogs both know that LaTech and Kentucky are basketball schools so let’s hope you make them long for tip-offs with big wins.

I am going to watch Mississippi State in hopes for a linebacker interception for a TD so I can give a Big Solid Award on Monday.

BTHO ALABAMA and Kentucky and LaTech!

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Posted in College Football, humor

Tagged Bully Bulldog, LSU, Mississippi State

Friday, September 21, 2018 – Friday Football Snark

Posted on September 22, 2018 | 1 comment

Friday, September 21, 2018 – Friday Football Snark

The Friday Football Snark is running way behind, but FFS does have a new TDL replacing the one l-0-s-t. It only took two and half hours.

Let us fall in with the Who Cares? Category

Tonight we have FAU and UCF on ESPN at 6:00. More schools from Florida.

At 8:00 on FS1 the alma mater of Lt. Colonel, Henry Blake, Illinois, plays Penn State. Henry taped the wrong ankle of the team’s running back. Pretty sure wrong or correct ankle tape will not help the Illini tonight.

No one worth watching at 11:00 Saturday morning. The teams I like begin at 2:30.

At 2:30 on FS1 we find Baylor and Kansas in what could prove to be a deluge of really wet water in Waco. But you know how those Baptists like to dunk.

Also falling into a possible deluge of really wet water further down I-35 THE University of Texas plays TCU in Austin. It could be a Frog strangler if you are not careful T. Kickoff is set for 3:30 on Fox.

On the CBS the game of the week is Number one ranked Alabama verses Number 22 and hopefully Aggie 2.0 version which means new and improved Texas A&M – also known as the Nick and Jimbo Show.

Getting Jimbo’s autograph. Hope it becomes more valuable that Johnny’s

I will construct my BTHO Bama shrine tonight. I have helmet with Johnny Manzeil’s autograph. I understand it could be worth $5.25 in Canadian money.

Currently the spread is 26.0. I think it will be a much closer game than that. Of course, I have thought that about the Aggies since 1980 when I first drank the maroon the Kool-Aid.

Both defenses are very religious. They are both very holy and could present some issues. What can and will Mr. Mond do with his feet?

Can you catch Trayveon?

The Aggies are coming and we’re bringing yardsticks with us to see how Jimbo and the team measure up. Start Rolling Tide. We are coming after you!

BTHO ALABAMA

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Thursday, September 20, 2018 – I Remember Mama

Posted on September 20, 2018 | Leave a comment

Thursday, September 20, 2018 – I Remember Mama

Exa Doy Faust Duffey

September 20, 1912 – January 23, 1975

Mama’s Diploma to do Artistic Croquignole Permanent Waving – June 10, 1931

Mama with her Croquignole Permanent Wave

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Tuesday, September 18, 2018 – OOOOOOOklahoma!

Posted on September 18, 2018 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, September 18, 2018 – OOOOOOOklahoma!

OOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain,
And the wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rainnnnnnn OOOOOklahoma…

Last Sunday at the Hobby Center in Houston I saw a stage production of my favorite musical – Oklahoma. The opening notes of the Overture just make my heart beat faster. Then Curly walks on the stage and begins “Oh what a beautiful morning…” I remember my mother singing that song. But I am mesmerized until the final curtain call.

I’m just a girl who cain’t say no the musical Oklahoma. Speaking of Ado Annie, I hope Mary Jo does not mind if I tell this story.

Years ago when the institution of higher education was call East Texas State University in Commerce, Texas, the theatre department presented Oklahoma. If I recall, one of Mary Jo’s relatives was in the production and all of the relatives from all over East Texas came to opening night. This included Grandpaw.

The relative had the role of Ado Annie. Right in the middle of her song “I’m just a girl who cain’t say no”, Grandpaw jumped and yelled “SHE’S A WHORE!”

I believe as they say “the show went on” but I am not certain about the young lady’s acting career.

From the CinemaScope version of the 1955 Rodgers and Hammerstein film, “Oklahoma!”. Gloria Grahame performs “I Cain’t Say No”. Enjoy.

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Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on September 17, 2018 | 1 comment

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Review: I write about the teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

So On Wisconsin to accept your Poopy Undies Award for losing to BYU 21-24.

The Wisconsin kicker who missed the game tying field goal to go to overtime receives The Hooked Left Award. This comes with a Bless Your Heart Certificate.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Tigers of LSU and their fans. Nevertheless, a win over Auburn is worth it.

The Best Kick of the Day goes to the LSU kicker for kicking the game winning field goal with two seconds on the clock. LSU 22-Auburn 21.

It was not close enough for Poopy Undies but I am awarding the Grab Your Beads Award to Notre Dame for allowing Vanderbilt to come close. ND – 22 Vandy 17.

The One Kick Off Wonder Award goes to Ole Miss for their one and only score against Alabama. Tide 62 – Ole Miss 7. Rumors abound that Coach Saban put in the women’s soccer team; the tuba section of the band and two cheerleaders in the fourth quarter.

Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi State all share the We Scored Lots of Points and Win Big Award.

Baylor lost to Duke in what was not even close in The Baptists and Blue Devil Bowl. BU 27 Duke 40. I supposed the Blue Devil thing extends beyond Wake Forest. (See last Friday) It will be ok; Baylor, Kansas is next weekend. What? Kansas scored 55 points against Rutgers? I don’t know if Kansas scored 55 points last season in four games. Rock Chalk Jayhawk could cause some problems in Waco land.

Congrats to THE University of Texas for their win over USC 37 -14. However, I award the Horns The Ugly Uniform Award. Tradition is one thing, but uniforms that look like 1956 are another. They just look old.

Ohio State achieved The Revenge on The Little Sisters of the Poor Award by a 40 to 28 win over TCU. Watch out Texas the Frogs will be spitting mad next weekend. And their uniforms are prettier.

The Best Play of Any Football Game of the Weekend Award goes to University of North Texas for the fake fair catch and then touchdown run. Even if you have seen it, it is still fun to watch. The School Yard Play Award to UNT!

That means Arkansas gets The Our Face is as Red as Our Uniforms Award. Meanwhile the Eagles turned the Arkansas Hogs into a pig sty with a 44 to 17 win.

https://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2018/9/16/17864636/north-texas-fake-fair-catch-punt-return-td

The Throw Back to Last Year Award goes to the Texas Aggies. You looked like last year’s Aggies. This will not play well in Tuscaloosa next weekend. However, let us not forget the Aggies had FOUR touchdowns recalled. The score ended 48 to 10 over University Louisiana Monroe.

My last award of the day goes to the two mouths talking in the SEC announcer booth for the Aggies and Monroe game. Quite simply – YOU BOTH SUCK! You are supposed to call the football game. Instead you spent the entire fourth quarter talking:

Over the referee’s calls
While players are injured on the field
About personal stories of people and things nobody knows or cares about
Your impressions of all the Aggie and Warhawk football players you met during the week

With each play, instead of calling the play, you both gave your biased analysis of how that play or that player will do against Alabama next week. Granted, I do not know Coach Nick Saban. But here’s what I’m thinking. If Coach Saban wanted or needed your opinions, he would have already asked you and you would not be sitting in an announcing both doing a crappy job.