Category Archives: college football

August 21, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards

August 21, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards

This time next Monday there will actually be awards to be handed out in my Monday After College Football Awards.

Since it has been a seemingly eternity since there was college football, let us review some of these prestigious awards that I make up for the football faithful followers.

The Ugliest Uniforms goes to the team(s) that appear in yellow highlighters, glow in the dark stripes or designs, and any shade of orange. These are designed by the Hellen Keller, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder departments at Nike, Adidas and Under Armor.

Ugliest Helmets Awards have their own category. If I am unable to determine the design on the helmet it is very likely that team will receive an Ugliest Helmet Award.

The Hot Seat Award is given to the coach whose coaching seat is questionable each week. The number one hot seat is currently occupied by Texas A&M Coach, Kevin Sumlin. The number two hot seat is occupied by UCLA Coach, Jim Mora. These two coaches and teams meet in the Rose Bowl on September 3.

Many teams often receive the weekly Poo Poo Undies Award. This trophy is awarded to the fans whose teams survive a game winning field goal, a missed Hail Mary pass to the end zone and/or survive in overtime.

There are the Exploding Coaches Awards. These usually go to Alabama’s Nick Saban for throwing the headphones or South Carolina’s Uncle Will Muschamp just because his face turns really red. Maybe it is an SEC thing.

Of course there will be my Best and Worst Broadcasters Awards. It will be difficult to upset my always Best Broadcaster Boyfriend, Kirk Herbstreit and the fellows from ESPN Game Day (Not the old man!). But with Brent Mushburger silent this year, the Worse Broadcaster is a wide open category. I am expecting Jesse Palmer to be a contender. He and those who relive their days on the gridiron from decades ago instead of calling the plays all have chance.

This year I am introducing a new award. It is called The Big Solid Pass Interception for Touchdown Award. There are actually two awards. One is given to the linebacker or safety that intercepts the quarterback’s pass and runs for a touchdown.

The second award is given to the fan base whose team throws the interception to the linebacker or safety and cusses the loudest and in the most colorful language.

Of course there will awards for the zebra people, the various mascots, chants and yells and anything else I can think of. After all, it is called Here’s What I’m Thinking.

So as we say in Aggieland – Howdy Dammit! And Thank God It’s Football Season. Gig ‘Em!

Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Before the Snark enters, let us all take a moment to send our thoughts and prayers to the people of Spain. Not to exclude any group, but please watch over the Texas Aggie Women’s basketball team and all of the other teams visiting Europe.

And now appearing in regal snarkiness, here is The Snark to dish on college football.

I can’t wait for the Ugliest Uniforms for the Week Award this year. Here is putting Mississippi State on notice that the Aggies will be wearing color changing uniforms. That’s right. It is some kind of weird threads that the Adidas people dreamed up that allegedly changes from maroon to black and then glows depending on the stadium lights. I hope this works better than last year’s attempt to make the numbers glow and no one, including the broadcasters could see the numbers.

But we are still 25 days away from some of the first kick offs. I am happy the Sam Houston Bearkats open their season this month. SHSU is ranked #3 behind James Madison and North Dakota in that division’s polls. JM and ND have combined to the win the last National Championships. Go Kats! Beat the hell out of the Richmond, Spiders. Yes, the mascot of Richmond is a spider.

Let The Snark provide a summer summary of players. Here is what has happened during college football thus far this summer. He:

Transferred to:

  • A Junior College
  • Another school to go to graduate school
  • The county jail.

He hurt his:

Leg, knee, foot, shoulder, toe etc.

He was picked up for:

  • DUI
  • Passed out in flower bed in bar district
  • Assault
  • Assault and battery
  • Assault with a battery
  • Theft
  • Drug use
  • Drug possession
  • Illegal weapon possession
  • Being stupid and throwing away opportunities!

My apologies that The Snark only has time to cover the summary of the players from Florida schools. Roll Tide over Florida State. BOOM! And Snark out!

Friday, August 11, 2017 – Snarky Football Friday

Friday, August 11, 2017 – Snarky Football Friday

In less than a month, Snarky Friday becomes official. Until college football kickoff we must deal with what little Snark information there is. But let us begin anyway.

Last year’s shrine for the Aggie Alabama game.

The college football polls are being released. I think the pollsters picked Alabama first, then some combination of Ohio State, Michigan, Clemson, Washington in the top five. The remaining twenty schools were names drawn from a helmet.

For example, listed in the top 25 centering on numbers 23, 24 or 25 depending on the poll, we have THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. I actually hope Herman and the Horns can make a good run. Amazing what hope a name and big bucks can bring. Reminder: Last year your record was 3-7 overall and 3-6 in the Big 12 Conference so it is going to require much work. May I reminder the Bevo Boosters that Number 1. You are in the Big 12 Conference with Kansas, Iowa State and Texas Tech. Obviously you have repressed those games. Maybe this game too.

Last year’s headlines – Oklahoma State vs THE University of Texas

Number 2 you must play Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, K-State and West Virginia who are all ranked above you. But Hook ‘Em Hippies. I guess it too early to say “Wait until next year” when it will be more realistic.

Ranking the Horns at Number 23 is as stupid as ranking the Aggies at number 25. All about that name, right? But at least the schools ahead of the Aggies are in the powerful SEC and one of them will win the SEC Championship and the Football National Championship. Roll Tide or Geaux Tigers and no, The Aggies are not interested in playing the Burnt Orange or any other color of orange for that matter. If the Aggies are going to have time run out before we can win, we like to have it happen with quality teams. Snark out.

Tailgating last year.

BTHO UCLA!

Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!

Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!

College football season officially begins today as teams begin practice. I am so excited I am going to get a penalty for excess celebration. I chose a song to celebrate.

The version of the song is sung by Tony Award winner,Patti LuPone, from the 2008 Broadway revival of Gypsy. In fact her second Tony Award was for Gypsy.

There is not a great deal of action in the video. Rather it is Ms. LuPone’s powerful voice that captures the moment. Click on the YouTube and scroll down and sing along. I took the liberty of changing a few words here and there.

https://youtu.be/Wop8yyVcgY8

I had a dream, a dream about you, baby. It’s gonna come true, baby. They think that we’re through, but baby…

You’ll be swell! You’ll be great! Gonna have the whole world on the TV! Starting here, starting now, Honey, everything’s coming up football!

Clear the fields! Check the refs! You’ve got nothing to do but relax.

Gig ‘Em Ags!

Roll Tide Roll! Honey, everything’s coming up football!

Now’s your timing; Stand the world on it’s ear! Set it spinning! That’ll be just the beginning!

Sic ‘Em Bears! Go Pokes Go! You got nothing to fear but OU!

You’ll be swell. You’ll be great. I can tell. Just you wait. That lucky star I talk about is due! Honey, everything’s coming up football for me and for you!

You can do it. All you need is a band. We can do it, Twelfth Man is gonna see to it!

LSU!

 

Hook ‘Em Horns! We got nothing to hit but the heights! I can tell, wait and see. There’s the bell! Follow me!

And nothing’s gonna stop us ’til we’re through! Honey, everything’s coming up football and trophies,Everything’s coming up sunshine and Saturdays, Everything’s gonna be bright lights and bowl games,

Everything’s coming up football for me and for you!

Friday, July 28, 2017 – Snarky Friday – the last Friday of July. The Return of College Football – Please Hurry!

Friday, July 28, 2017 – Snarky Friday – the last Friday of July. The Return of College Football – Please Hurry!

Tomorrow is another Saturday with no college football.I am beginning to worry about myself. I hope I can make it. The withdrawal symptoms are serious. At least in February there was basketball,

 

Two Texas A&M Graduates and One Outstanding basketball player – Curtyce Knox.

then baseball and softball to get me through the spring. But the summer months have been brutal.

 

For the past two months on Saturday nights I have watched the entire season of National Geographic’s Big Pacific on the PBS Channel. The PBS CHANNEL! Last Saturday’s Season Finale was called “Big Pacific – Reproduction.”

About midway through the hour of underwater wonder, I thought to myself – I am watching fish fornicate. I know there is a better alliteration, but I’m trying to keep it clean. I am watching fish porn. I am pitiful.

How many more days until kick off?