Monday, November 23, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
But first, let us pray.
Lord, please make the COVID go away. Let us all soon receive a vaccine to protect us. Bless all of the teams, coaches, bands, and everybody associated with college football so we can have some really good TV games and not have to watch Abilene Christian and Virginia. Amen.
This was a weird and crappy weekend for college football due to the Rona. Therefore, I am postponing awards until teams I like and teams that play teams I like, either play or do not blow the other team away.
“Whomdoes that leave us upon which to snark?” That is from Shakespeare, I am pretty sure. For Whom the Snark Tolls is from Hemmingway.
First of all, I think Kansas should get the win even thought the game is postponed. Just because it THE University.
At 11:00 am we have The Blow Outs. This is an opportune time to run errands – grocery store, car wash, and such like things. Games should be extremely one sided save for Indiana Jones University and Ohio State University.
The 11:00 am games include, but are not limited to:
Florida and Vanderbilt on ESPN 11:00 – That in and of itself is a snark.
LSU and Arkansas on the SEC Network 11:00 – This has the potential of an upset, granted a mild one at this point of the season.
# 9 Indiana # 3 Ohio State at 11:00 am – Tell me again how both of you are ranked in the Top 10. You have not played a combined 10 games, have you?
Clemson and Florida State on ABC at 11:00 am. Trevor is back from his COVID quarantine. Florida State is not back from much of anything.
Finally, in the afternoon, we have:
Kentucky and Alabama 3:00 on the SEC Network. Alabama should probably be up there with The Blow Outs. I mean after all, Kentucky barely escaped with a victory from Vanderbilt last weekend.
Nothing spectacular until nightfall (which is about 5:30 CST).
Tennessee and Auburn 6:00 ESPN – Hmm. Tennessee has not played a game in 14 days. Auburn has not played a game in 21 days. Rocky Top really needs a win, but I doubt it will be against Auburn.
Mississippi State and Georgia 6:30 on the SEC Network in a Battle (sort of) of the Bulldogs. Another welcome to the SEC for Mike and State. Welcome to Between the Hedges and to Georgia. Ensure UGA and Bully have had their shots.
And then BEDLAM! Oklahoma State and Oklahoma 6:30 on ABC.
When was the last time Oklahoma State was ranked higher than OU for the Bedlam game? May I offer each team a suggestion based on past appearances. HOLD ON TO THE DAMN FOOTBALL!
And again, why are you listed below here in the top?
# 2 ND *
# 11 Oregon *
# 10 Wisconsin *
*Just wanted to ensure you have a big old Assterick by your name.
Monday, November 16, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
There are few awards because there were only a few games played and few games on TV that I liked and actually took an interest in, albeit a mild interest, but still.
The Bears of Baylor win the Deja Vue All over Again! How many times has Tech won in the closing moments of the game? Baylor 23 Tortilla Tech 24
TCU 6 West Virigina – Did you know the WVa QB is the brother of a former Texas Tech QB?
Uncle Will Muschamp receives The Exploding Head Coach Award for his exploding head at the end of the first half of play.
Uncle Will Muschamp receives The Boot Award and is relieved of his job at the end of the game. Uncle Will will receive a Big Buy Out Award and an opportunity to count his money elsewhere. South Carolina 42 Ole Miss 59
This just in – Texas A&M and Ole Miss game postponed. Sorry, Kiffie. We’ll evaluate and see if something is available around Christmas.
This year’s National Championship Winner is going to have a Big Ole Assterick by their name.
Friday, November 13, 2020 – Snarky Friday – Ain’t No Sunshine
COVID 14 and Texas A&M, Tennessee, Georgia, Missouri, Auburn, Mississippi State, Alabama, LSU, Ohio State, Maryland, California, Arizona State, Pittsburg and Georgia Tech – 0. All games are postponed or canceled.
You can find some football games of mild and little interest. You can start the day with Vanderbilt and Kentucky on the SEC Network at 11:00 am or you can sleep in.
We have Notre Dame and Boston College on ABC at 2:30 in the Battle of the Catholics. There is Baylor and Tortilla Tech at 3:00 on FS1. South Carolina and Ole Miss at 6:30 on the SEC Network might hold some interest. This could be Kiffie and Uncle Will squaring off in an exploding Head Coach contest. The pigs of Arkansas and the gators of Florida are on ESPN at 6:00.
We also have The Sisters of Perpetual Bad Housekeeping with Dust Bunnies and the Royal Order of Extra Large Glitter Girls playing checkers on ESPN10. There is an outdoor (weather permitting) marble contest at the park between the Downtown Marble Society. The Puff and Passers of High Society Gentlemen of Faux Nobility will be conducting a reenactment of something mildly weird and strange from the Medieval Period – also in the park.
I am going to let Bill Withers show you here’s what I’m thinking about this weekend’s football. I know. I know. I know. I know…
Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards
First, let me apologize for no Snarky Friday. Like many, I was strung out, stressed and worthless due to the long OT of the election. Now it is time to heal and remember that we are all Americans. “The needs of the many out way the needs of the few,” so says Spock.
Now to the awards ceremony.
COVID 2 – Purdue and Wisconsin – 0
From the Big 12…
Let’s just give the entire Conference The Lantern Award because ain’t nobody shining bright from this group.
Baylor 31 – Iowa State 38 – To Baylor I award the Annie Award because it’s a hard knock life. Here, have a cigar for being close.
THE University of Texas 17 University of West Virgina 13 – I am giving THE University a Celebrate Whatever You Can Award with your self-named “defensive victory” for holding West Virginia to 13 points and your rise in the AP Poll from 22 to 21.
Liberty 38 Virginia Tech 35 – The Hokies (whatever that is) receive the Miss Stakes Award for screwing up and giving the Freezing Liberty Pool Boys the victory. Actually, the Liberty mascot is “The Flame.” I’ll save that one to see in which bowl game Liberty plays.
Florida 44 Georgia 28 -The Gators receive the William T. Sherman Award because they chomped and marched through Georgia like a tank convoy. Georgia falls to AP Number 12.
Houston 10 Cincinnati 38 – I award Cincy the WKRP Award. Remind me again, where did you come from? Have not seen you around until recently.
Mississippi State 24 Vanderbilt 17 – To Mississippi State I award the Margin Award for only being marginally better than Vanderbilt. To Mississippi State Coach, Mike Leach, I award the Meaningless and Fabled Metaphor Award for saying about this the State Team:
“The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.”
Do you say that to Arkansas and South Carolina, Mike? That is a picture from 2019, from Washington State, but it really works for the Mississippi State Season.
Texas A&M 48 South Carolina 3 – It is a good Mond morning. I award the Aggies the WHO Award, as in “Who Are You? I really want to know.” I also award the Aggies with a High FIVE Award as in Number Five in the AP Poll.
To South Carolina I award the Sanderson Chicken Farm and Processing Plant Award. Please note that I am calling PETA to get that screaming chicken to shut up. And don’t be bringing that bird to Kyle Field!
And in the big game of Clemson 40 and Notre Dame 47 in Double OT – I award The Alabama Crimson Tide First Place in the AP and they didn’t have to play a down.
Of course, fans of Clemson and ND receive a Poopy Undies Award for double Overtime. And while we are down there, I award the University of Notre Dame the Asparagus Pee Colored Helmet Award! I hope the TIDE washes that away.
November 11th is Veterans Day. Honor and thank them for our freedom.
Goodness, I detest the time change. So I am probably an hour late with My Monday After College Football Awards
Let’s have the Big 12 Conference step up. No, seriously, you need to step up if you plan to be a Power Five Conference.
TCU 33 Baylor 23 – To Baylor I am awarding the When Does Women’s Basketball Season Start?
K-State 10 West Virginia 37 – Even though you lost K-State, I am awarding the Best Use of Football Field Color That Is Not Green to you and to TCU. And maybe the SFA Lumberjacks.
Texas 41 Oklahoma State 34 OT – Best Use of Halloween Colors to both teams; To THE University of Texas I give the WIIOTA Award (Win It In Overtime Time Again). But I still think the Texas Exes are restless.
To Oklahoma State – I am awarding the Adele Award (You Coulda Had It All!) and the John Heisman Award. No, that Heisman, but not that Heisman Award. This one: “Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.” John Heisman
Georgia 14 KY 3 – Georgia wins the Peggy Lee Award for Is That All There Is?
LSU 11 Auburn 48 – To the LSU Tigers I award the Eagles’ Desperado Award why don’t you come to your senses?
Mississippi State 0 and Alabama 41 – I award Pirate Mike Leach of Mississippi State the FINS Award. “Can’t you see them circling, honey; Can’t you feel them swimming around; You got fins to the left; fins to the right and you’re the only bait in town.” Thank you, Mr. J. Buffet.
Missouri 17 Florida 41. The Saturday Afternoon Fights Award.
Florida wins the brawl, but the SEC fines Florida Coach Dan Mullens $25,000 for violating Rule 9.5.1.b – Fighting = Suspension. Georgia wins the half-game suspension for two Florida players. Mullens should be suspended too!
And now my comments to the Top 10 according to the AP Poll
Clemson – Ricky Riccardo – “Lucy? You got some splaining to do.” How does the opponent score 28 points when it is the Clemson QB that is COVID out?
Alabama – Receives the Rough and Rowdy Haines Award – Rolling, Rolling Rolling; Keep the TIDE a rollin, Roll ON!
Ohio State – No award for only playing a few games. Here is a I Participated Certificate.
Notre Dame – FOUR! As in golf. Why are you fourth? You have played Duke, South Florida, and Georgia Tech? Perhaps because your next games are Clemson, Boston College (The Battle of the Catholics), North Carolina, Syracuse and Wake Forest.
Georgia – You better get it together Between the Hedges the Gators are coming.
Cincinnati – You get a first Welcome Wagon Award. Nice helmets. Who are you, by the way?
Texas A&M – The dark horse is wearing maroon.
Florida – Winner of brawls and suspensions.
BYU – As they say, “Once in a blue moon.
Wisconsin – I thought you were still in quarantine.
If you have not already vote, please ensure that you do. Stay Safe!