Monthly Archives: November 2020

Friday, November 27, 2020 – Black Snarky Friday

One of my friend’s husband asked what is “Black Friday?” She told him it was the day the husband gave their wife the credit card and said, “Have fun Honey!”

Like Black Friday bargains, we must begin an early snark because there are early football games on Friday. And it is Rivalry Week.

We can start the football black Friday with THE University of Texas still in search of a quality Thanksgiving rivalry playing Iowa State on ABC at 11:00.  Had only Justin Tucker’s kick not been good, the Aggies might still be around.  Oh well, the Aggies are number Five you’re not.  

Nebraska and Iowa in The Corn Bowl at 12 on Fox. Unless you attended either of these institutions, you really do not care.

Playing for the Platypus Trophy we find Oregon and Oregon State at 4:30 ESPN – Ducks and Beavers in ugly iridescent uniforms.  

Saturday at 11:00 in the morning, as of this writing time, we have Number Four Ohio State bringing their whopping four games played against Illinois State on FS 1. Watch out for a COVID cancel.

At 11:00 on ESPN we have Kentucky and Florida. Wildcats get beaten up for a second week in a row. Meanwhile, Kyle Trask just might replace Tim Tebow as Florida’s favorite Heisman winner.

We also have Texas Tech and Oklahoma State on FOX at 11:00.  Yawn.

What the morning may lack, the afternoon firmly makes up for.  It starts with the Iron Bowl between Auburn and Alabama at 2:30 CBS. CBS? Not Gary Daniels’ mouth! But as anyone familiar with football knows, it is better to have a sister in a whorehouse than a brother who graduated from Auburn. Wishing Nick a speedy recovery. So let’s yell! WHEN I SAY ‘TUSCA’, THEN YOU SAY ‘LOOSA’ When I say Nick, then you say Saban!  Roll Tide!

Grab the remote to not only mute Gary Daniels, but Notre Dame and North Carolina kickoff at 2:30 on ABC.  Bless Me, Father for I have sinned, and I really want North Carolina to win. Come on, Irish, you come dragging your asparagus pee colored helmets and pants, into the Number Two spot after playing who? Duke? South Florida? Georgia Tech?

In the state of Mississippi the Egg Bowl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss on the SEC Network at 3:00 might hold interest. Beat Ole Miss, Mike and you can be a pirate.

For those who graduated from either of these and have nothing better to watch there is Baylor and Kansas-State at 6:00 on ESPN 2.

But at 6:00 on ESPN from beautiful, limited ticketed stadium seating Kyle Field, the Tigers from LSU take on the Number Five ranking fighting Texas Aggies. Here is a quiz for you. How many times will the announcers in the opening minutes mention the last meeting between these two teams in Kyle Field? Seven Overtimes? An immediate NCAA rule change? I understand the Tigers will be led by a Freshman QB. Dude? Welcome to the still very loud, Kyle Field. BTHO LSU!

Enjoy your turkey sandwiches. Wear Your Mask. BTHO COVID.

Monday, November 23, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

But first, let us pray.

Lord, please make the COVID go away. Let us all soon receive a vaccine to protect us. Bless all of the teams, coaches, bands, and everybody associated with college football so we can have some really good TV games and not have to watch Abilene Christian and Virginia. Amen.

This was a weird and crappy weekend for college football due to the Rona. Therefore, I am postponing awards until teams I like and teams that play teams I like, either play or do not blow the other team away.

BTHO COVID!

WEAR YOUR MASK!

Friday, November 20, 2020 – Snarky Friday

Postponed

• Texas A&M and Ole Miss
• THE University of Texas and Kansas
• Georgia Tech and Miami

Just flat out canceled

• Central Arkansas and Louisiana
• UL Monroe and Louisiana Tech

“Whomdoes that leave us upon which to snark?” That is from Shakespeare, I am pretty sure.  For Whom the Snark Tolls is from Hemmingway.  

First of all, I think Kansas should get the win even thought the game is postponed. Just because it THE University.

At 11:00 am we have The Blow Outs. This is an opportune time to run errands – grocery store, car wash, and such like things. Games should be extremely one sided save for Indiana Jones University and Ohio State University.

The 11:00 am games include, but are not limited to:

Florida and Vanderbilt on ESPN 11:00 – That in and of itself is a snark.

LSU and Arkansas on the SEC Network 11:00 – This has the potential of an upset, granted a mild one at this point of the season.

 # 9 Indiana # 3 Ohio State at 11:00 am – Tell me again how both of you are ranked in the Top 10. You have not played a combined 10 games, have you?

Clemson and Florida State on ABC at 11:00 am. Trevor is back from his COVID quarantine. Florida State is not back from much of anything.

Finally, in the afternoon, we have:

Kentucky and Alabama 3:00 on the SEC Network. Alabama should probably be up there with The Blow Outs. I mean after all, Kentucky barely escaped with a victory from Vanderbilt last weekend.

Nothing spectacular until nightfall (which is about 5:30 CST).

Tennessee and Auburn 6:00 ESPN – Hmm. Tennessee has not played a game in 14 days. Auburn has not played a game in 21 days. Rocky Top really needs a win, but I doubt it will be against Auburn.

Mississippi State and Georgia 6:30 on the SEC Network in a Battle (sort of) of the Bulldogs. Another welcome to the SEC for Mike and State. Welcome to Between the Hedges and to Georgia. Ensure UGA and Bully have had their shots.

And then BEDLAM! Oklahoma State and Oklahoma 6:30 on ABC.

When was the last time Oklahoma State was ranked higher than OU for the Bedlam game? May I offer each team a suggestion based on past appearances. HOLD ON TO THE DAMN FOOTBALL!

And again, why are you listed below here in the top?

# 2 ND *

 # 11 Oregon *

# 10 Wisconsin *

*Just wanted to ensure you have a big old Assterick by your name.

BTHO COVID. Wear your mask! Stay safe.

Monday, November 16, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

There are few awards because there were only a few games played and few games on TV that I liked and actually took an interest in, albeit a mild interest, but still.

The Bears of Baylor win the Deja Vue All over Again! How many times has Tech won in the closing moments of the game? Baylor 23 Tortilla Tech 24

TCU 6 West Virigina – Did you know the WVa QB is the brother of a former Texas Tech QB?

Uncle Will Muschamp receives The Exploding Head Coach Award for his exploding head at the end of the first half of play.

Uncle Will Muschamp receives The Boot Award and is relieved of his job at the end of the game. Uncle Will will receive a Big Buy Out Award and an opportunity to count his money elsewhere. South Carolina 42 Ole Miss 59

This just in – Texas A&M and Ole Miss game postponed. Sorry, Kiffie. We’ll evaluate and see if something is available around Christmas.

This year’s National Championship Winner is going to have a Big Ole Assterick by their name.

Wear Your Mask. Stay Safe. And BTHO COVID!

Goodness, I detest the time change.  So I am probably an hour late with My Monday After College Football Awards

Let’s have the Big 12 Conference step up. No, seriously, you need to step up if you plan to be a Power Five Conference.

TCU 33 Baylor 23 – To Baylor I am awarding the When Does Women’s Basketball Season Start?

K-State 10 West Virginia 37 – Even though you lost K-State, I am awarding the Best Use of Football Field Color That Is Not Green to you and to TCU. And maybe the SFA Lumberjacks.

Texas 41 Oklahoma State 34 OT – Best Use of Halloween Colors to both teams; To THE University of Texas I give the WIIOTA Award (Win It In Overtime Time Again). But I still think the Texas Exes are restless.

To Oklahoma State – I am awarding the Adele Award (You Coulda Had It All!) and the John Heisman Award. No, that Heisman, but not that Heisman Award. This one: “Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.” John Heisman

Georgia 14 KY 3 – Georgia wins the Peggy Lee Award for Is That All There Is?

LSU 11 Auburn 48 – To the LSU Tigers I award the Eagles’ Desperado Award why don’t you come to your senses?

Mississippi State 0 and Alabama 41 – I award Pirate Mike Leach of Mississippi State the FINS Award. “Can’t you see them circling, honey; Can’t you feel them swimming around; You got fins to the left; fins to the right and you’re the only bait in town.” Thank you, Mr. J. Buffet.

Missouri 17 Florida 41. The Saturday Afternoon Fights Award.

Florida wins the brawl, but the SEC fines Florida Coach Dan Mullens $25,000 for violating Rule 9.5.1.b – Fighting = Suspension. Georgia wins the half-game suspension for two Florida players.  Mullens should be suspended too!

And now my comments to the Top 10 according to the AP Poll

1. Clemson – Ricky Riccardo – “Lucy? You got some splaining to do.” How does the opponent score 28 points when it is the Clemson QB that is COVID out?
2. Alabama – Receives the Rough and Rowdy Haines Award – Rolling, Rolling Rolling; Keep the TIDE a rollin, Roll ON!
3. Ohio State – No award for only playing a few games. Here is a I Participated Certificate.
4. Notre Dame – FOUR! As in golf. Why are you fourth? You have played Duke, South Florida, and Georgia Tech?  Perhaps because your next games are Clemson, Boston College (The Battle of the Catholics), North Carolina, Syracuse and Wake Forest.
5. Georgia – You better get it together Between the Hedges the Gators are coming.
6. Cincinnati – You get a first Welcome Wagon Award. Nice helmets. Who are you, by the way?
7. Texas A&M – The dark horse is wearing maroon.
8. Florida – Winner of brawls and suspensions.
9. BYU – As they say, “Once in a blue moon.
10. Wisconsin – I thought you were still in quarantine.

If you have not already vote, please ensure that you do. Stay Safe!