Monday, December 4, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Playoff Award
It was indeed an exciting playoff weekend. The only award today goes to the College Playoff Committee. I award them the Decision Award for making the best decision since Neville Chamberlain brought us “peace in our time.”
Monday, November 27, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
Win or lose every team that played this weekend gets a Great Game Award. Every fan from every team gets a Poopy Undies Award. Since it was such a wild and crazy weekend, the undies come with a portable oxygen tank. It was such a wild weekend in college football I do not know where to begin.
Coaches
Texas Aggies – We got a new coach. No. Wait. We Stooped too soon. We don’t have a new coach. Wait Ohio State lost to Michigan AGAIN. What about him? No. Wait. Now we have a new coach.
From the Bryan Eagle – Mike Elko arrived in College Station by plane just after 2 a.m. Monday. He was accompanied by his family and several A&M athletics administrators, including athletic director Ross Bjork.
See RL! I told you he would come in the dead of night. Lessons learned.
Several coaches were relieved of their head coaching duties, including University of Houston, Dana Holgorsen Mississippi State’s Zach Arnett. Told you Dana was not going to make at UofH.
Games
Texas Aggies – Great game against LSU. LSU scored 42 points with a Heisman hopeful quarterback while TAMU scored 30 points with a third string quarterback. Therefore, I award the Aggies the Way to Hang Award! And I do hope Jaxon Daniels win the Heisman.
Kansas State and Iowa State both receive the Football Snow Globe Award. Iowa State slides in the snow to win 42 to 35.
And now to the miracles…
Oklahoma State goes to the Big 12 Championship by defeating BYU 34 to 40 in Double OT in the cold and rain as testified by GNiece #1 (a very loyal OSU Grad) and hubby Michael, who is not an OSU grad and looks at wife with great love and she’s crazy look). BTHO UT and FYI – Jerry World is covered. Go Pokes!
And with a fourth and goal from the 31, with Auburn statistically a 99% winning chance, the Miracle of Rolling Tide takes place. Milroe somehow found Isaiah Bond in the back corner of the end zone, and the PAT gave the Tide a 27-24 lead.
At this point I am fairly certain that JH, and all of the other Bama Alumni, fainted.
Given the Ole Miss and Mississippi State game on Thursday night and the Texas AA&M and LSU game on Saturday, plus the Holy #$%@ for the miracle games, the Big Solid Swear Jar had over $20. I think the season has collected over $200. Damn it, I must cuss a lot during football games. I have not finalized where the money will go. I am down to two places and will probably give $100 to each. $100 to the Brazos Valley Food Bank and $100 to Aggieland Humane Society. Thank you Big Solid.
Happy Monday. Stay warm. Be sweet and be kind to yourself! You deserve it.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Alabama, Baylor, college football, humor, LSU, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies, The University of Texas
Friday, November 24, 2023 – Snarky Friday Slip Sliding Away
I do hope your yesterday was filled with family, friends, food, fun, and football and you gave thanks for all.
My apologies for being late. I was doing my Black Friday shopping. Packages will arrive on Tuesday. Was looking for possible engagement gifts for Taylor and Travis.
It is Rivalry Weekend. For many fans that means – At last the crappy football season is finally over, bringing either no bowl games or really crappy bowl games that help the T-shirt industry.
Last evening, the Dart hit the bullseye and busted the egg as Ole Miss defeated Mississippi State in The Egg Bowl 17 to 7 and thus ending a year to be forgotten for State.
TCU and OU are currently playing. The Sooner Schooner seems to be squashing the frogs. It is 42 to 13 at halftime.
I must hurry to get a snark in for THE University of Texas and Tortilla Tech who play tonight at 6:30 on ABC. TU! Remember there are two halves to the football game and you must play at the same level in both halves. To Tortilla Tossers! May there be the ghost of Michael Crabtree with a final second catch for a winning touchdown!
Tomorrow
We gotcha Iron Bowl between Alabama and Auburn on CBS at 2:30. Gary Danielson is already talking and being biased toward Alabama.
The school of Cornelius Vanderbilt will play the SEC UT (Tennessee) at 2:30 on SECN.
Georgia and the Rambling Wrecks from Georgia Tech play at 6:30 on ABC. UGA? Watch out for the young man from Longview, Texas playing QB for GT.
Saturday morning starts with THE GAME as Ohio State travels to Ann Arbor for The Big Chill game with Michigan on Fox at 11:00. No sign stealing but should be a good game. Somebody goes home undefeated. Somebody goes home with a single loss. If that one loss is Ohio State, does that mean the Texas Aggies will come calling?
Speaking of Aggies. The Aggies travel to the bayou to meet the LSU Tigers in Death Valley. This game is at 11:00 am (think drunks in the stands) on ESPN. This will be a defining game for both teams. An Aggie win means “Hey, New Coach? Look what we can still do!” An LSU means “Next year, we will be even better when Arch Manning arrives!” Okay. I made up that last part.
Be nice to people. Be nice to yourself.
BTHO LSU!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Alabama, college football, humor, Michigan, Ohio State University, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies, The University of Texas
Friday, November 17, 2023 – Snarky Friday
It is Snarky Friday and I must say that the entire weekend of college football is just One Big Snark. No team of any interest is playing anybody.
The Texas Aggies try to salvage whatever is left of the season with a cupcake game against Abilene Christian University. Trust me on this – Abilene is not the prettiest town you’ve ever seen. I am unable to comment on whether the women there don’t treat you mean. This game is so uninteresting that it is not on TV and is at 11:00 in the morning. I suppose that does leave more time for searching for a coach.
Here is what I am thinking. Texas A&M has this campus about ten miles from the main campus called The RELLIS campus. RELLIS stands for the core values of Texas A&M University. These are: respect, excellence, leadership, loyalty, integrity, and selfless service. RELLIS is the first integrated education, research and testing institution in the state of Texas. That translates to lots of big science, stuff going on.
I think the scientists who work at the RELLIS campus should develop a Winning Football Coach for Texas A&M. With advancements in DNA, cloning and robotics I think this could be done. I think various parts should be taken from Bear Bryant, Jackie Sherrill, Tom Landry, John Heisman and Knute Rockne.
Paul (Bear) Bryant, 323-85-17 career record
Maryland (1945; 6-2-1 record), Kentucky (1946-53; 60-23-5), Texas A&M (1954-57; 25-14-2) and Alabama (1958-1982); Bryant won two national championships at Alabama in the 1960s playing one-platoon football. He won three more in the 1970s playing several platoons, waves of players on each side of the ball. He won throwing the ball. He won running the ball. As the Texas philosopher/football coach Bum Phillips, a one-time Bryant assistant at Texas A&M, said, “He could take his’n and beat your’n, and he could take your’n and beat his’n.” He made players out of boys and head coaches out of assistants.
Why? He won National Championships!
Jackie Sherrill, 180-120-4
Washington State (1976; 3-8), Pittsburgh (1977-81; 50-9-1), Texas A&M (1982-1988; 52-28-1) and Mississippi State (1991-2003; 75-75-2)
After winning two national titles as a player under Bear Bryant at Alabama, Sherrill was a head coach for 26 years, finishing in the top 10 of the AP poll on six occasions. He led Pittsburgh to three straight 11-1 seasons from 1979-81, capping the ’81 season with a Sugar Bowl win over Georgia. Sherrill directed Texas A&M to three Southwest Conference titles and Cotton Bowl appearances from 1985-87.
Why? He won Conference Titles! And he started the 12th Man Kickoff, which is now the individual who wears the number 12 on the kick-off team.
Tom Landry – Tom Landry, was the Dallas Cowboys coach who led America’s Team to five Super Bowls and was famous for pacing the sidelines for three decades wearing a stone face, business suit and felt hat.
Why? Granted, Coach Landry did not coach football, but he did attend the University of Houston and is from Mission, Texas. He won five Super Bowls. Besides, I think a stone face, business suit, felt hat would add class to the side lines.
John William Heisman He served as the head football coach at Oberlin College, Buchtel College (now known as the University of Akron), Auburn University, Clemson University, Georgia Tech, the University of Pennsylvania, Washington & Jefferson College, and Rice University, compiling a career college football record of 186–70–18.
Why? He is considered a pioneer of southern football. There is a trophy named after him annually given to the best college football player. I want more than two of them in a trophy case at Texas A&M.
Knute Rockne, 105-12-5
Notre Dame (1918-30)
Rockne created modern coaching. He was a brilliant tactician, to be sure, but he also created the coach as CEO. He marketed his small, Midwestern Catholic institution in America’s biggest cities, taking his team to where the immigrant Catholics could root for them. He applied his motivational skills to business as a top executive for Studebaker cars — while he coached. And Notre Dame kept winning. He had five unbeaten seasons and won four national titles (1919, 1924, 1929 and 1930). Rockne’s winning percentage of .881 remains first among FBS coaches nearly a century after he died in a plane crash in 1931 at age 43.
Why? Granted, I am not a Notre Dame fan. But Rockne remains the winningest college coach of all of college football. Besides, I think it goes well with “Hullabaloo K-Nute, K-Nute…”
So, let’s get those microscopes, petri dishes, DNA cells, organic chemistry, cosmic goo, realistic robotics and get a good mix of Bryant, Sherrill, Landry, Heisman and Rockne cells growing. You have five years and the amount of Jimbo’s buyout to complete the task. Please try to have results sooner and under budget. And maybe as a by-product – can you please grow a strong-armed quarterback that can finish a season without being injured?
Happy Thanksgiving. Be safe. Gig ‘Em Aggies.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Alabama, college football, humor, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies
Monday, November 13, 2023 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
The first and most obvious award is the Bye Bye Jimbo Award. Sorry it just did not work out. You may pick up your severance pay of $77 million at the first window. Maybe you were just riding the coattails of Bobby Bowden and Jameis Winston. However, you did beat Alabama.
Let us get out our Rolodex and see who might be available. Note: If you are Amber age or younger, Google the noun Rolodex. Of course it depends on which social media one examines as to who the front runners are.
Mike Norvell – Florida State – Does Coach Norvell want to clean up another Jimbo mess?
Jeff Traylor – University of Texas @ San Antonio – Can he handle a big step up?
Chris Kleinman – K-State – Just signed a new 8 year contract.
Kalen DeBore – Washington. Why would he leave a successful program?
Mike Elko -Duke – Elko does have experience at Texas A&M, but he is doing well at Duke.
Kliff Kingsbury – USC Consultant – No. Really NO! Granted Kingsbury has experience at A&M as quarterback coach. But he also had Johnny Manziel as the quarterback. Since then, not much success in the game at any level.
And then there is Deion Sanders from one year at Colorado. HELL NO! Nothing against Deion, just do not think he has the experience.
However, the two probably receiving phone calls today are:
Dan Lanning – Oregon – Hmm. Keep this name up front. Duck duck Aggie?
And my pick – coming from Lane’s World and Ole Miss…Lane Kiffen. Remember I told you Kiffen is alike a creepy blind date that you end up marrying.
No word on when a replacement will be named.
Also receiving the a Good Bye Award is Mississippi Zach Arnett. It was a bad day to be wearing maroon and white on Saturday. Both coaches get fired even though A&M used their fourth string quarterback and won 51-10. I decided to channel in Big Solid and how he would see the game. The Big Solid Swear Jar made $24.75 for one game.
Rocky Top Tennessee flops to Missouri 36 to 7. Is Missouri for real? I believe it is time to give Mizzou the We’re Showing You Award.
THE University of Texas in Austin defeated TCU 29 to 26. To the Horns, I give the Play Two Halves Award. You must play as well in the second half as you do in the first.
And the rest of college football teams receive a Rhett Butler Award because Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
So be safe. Be nice to people. Remember: Nobody is shooting at you. You have a roof over your head. You have toilet paper.
Monday, October 23, 2023 – My Very Few Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
Just when you thought it was safe to move to a movie streaming channel, college football sent a few glimmers of hope.
But first, let me update you on Taylor Swift and Jason Kelce because I know you find it as interesting as I do. Miss Swift was seen in the Kansas City Chiefs box doing high fives with the NFL wives.
Moving on –
Let’s start with my favorite blabber mouth, Gary Danielson from CBS. I award Mr. Danielson the Beetlejuice Award. If you say three times that the Tennessee receiver juggled the ball, it will not become a touchdown. Nevertheless, it was a touchdown.
I also award Mr. Danielson the Program Program Get Your Program Award in order to know the players names. The Tennessee player’s name is Kamal Hadden. Not once, but twice, you referred to him as Kamala Harris. She is the Vice President of the United States. While I am sure there is “other duties as assigned” in her job description, playing football for Tennessee is not one of them.
To the Alabama football team I award you The Half-Time Come Back Award. What is in that Alabama Go Go Juice you drink at half-time? I need help with the cigar tradition. J. H.? Do you know? Alabama 34 UT20
Also receiving the Come Back Award is Oklahoma University. OU 31 UCF 29.
To the referees calling THE University of Texas and The University of Houston I award you the Brown Fecal Spot Award for providing the worst ever spot of the football for U of H. It is my understanding that the ball is placed where the runner is stopped and not where the runner is pushed back. This looks like the old Darryl K. Royal “make sure Texas wins” referee bribe. You must go way back for that. TU 31 and UH 24.
Sadly, I must award the Texas QB Another One Bites the Dust and move him to the Year of the Injured Quarterback. Seriously, I hope it is not serious. But do not put in The Arch.
I am awarding Tortilla Tech the Welcome Wagon Award. Once again the Throwers of Tortillas were the showers of good sportsmanship when a TT player was ejected for spitting on a BYU player. This was the first time since 1940 TT and BYU met. What a welcome. Please do not spit on the Mormons. BYU 27 – Texas Tech. 14.
As stated at the beginning, there are not many awards. Next week will probably be even worse. Have a big, fancy wedding to attend on Saturday.
Let’s Go Astros! It is time to bring the bats or go home!
Friday, October 20, 2023 – Snarky Friday College Football Song – Week Eight
To the 2023 college football season: What in the world’s come over you?
I am conducting a survey. If the following YouTube video expresses how you feel college football this year, give a comment of “Yes.”
All my life, I’ve loved you so
Never dreamed, I’d miss you so
Now, alone in my room each night
My heart, it cries, “It’s just not right”
Oh, oh, oh
On a happy note – my basketball season tickets arrived.
LET”S GO ASTROS!!
Pray for peace everywhere.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, Texas Aggies
Monday, October 16, 2023 – Monday Awards
“GIVE ME AN “F”
“GIVE ME A “U”
“GIVE ME A “C”
GIVE ME THE REST OF FISH CHEER from Woodstock!
What’s that spell? Worse college football season ever!
After the Aggie game I was done for the rest of the day with college football. So I did not watch any more games. The Big Solid Swear Jar already had ten dollars in it.
Nevertheless I do have a few awards.
In spite of my intense dislike of CBS announcer, Gary Danielson, I do give him the Award for Not Closely Watching the Game But Still Talking. On one of Aggie QB Max Johnson umpteenth sacks, as Johnson stood up, Danielson said, “Oh no. Johnson is limping.” Then the camera showed Johnson arranging himself. This did not stop Gary who announced, “Oh he is just fixing himself.”
To the officials of the Texas A&M and Tennessee game I award the Hellen Keller award for Outstanding Vision. FYI refs – You are supposed to call a FACE MASK penalty when the opponent has his hands on the others face mask!
To the Oregon Ducks I award the Great Chrome Helmet Award. However, it topped the mud splatter looking uniforms. Therefore, Ducks get not only the loss to Washington, but Ugly Uniform Award too.
To Colorado – I am proud to award the Where Did You Go at Half-Time Trophy. You let Stanford come back and win the game. Stanford!
This season in college football can be named any number of Year of. Here are a few suggestions.
It is the Year of the Injured Quarterback.
It is the Year of Mediocrity.
It is the Year College Football went to Hell in a hand basket.
To Jimbo from the restless fans.
GIVE ME AN “F”
GIVE ME AN “I”
GIVE ME AN “R”
GIVE ME AN “E”
You better light some fire quickly or the word “fire” will be used as an action verb and not a noun!
Let’s Go Astros! BTHO the Rangers!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged CBS Sports, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, Gary Danielson, humor, Texas A&M
Friday, October 13, 2023 – Snark Snark Snark
It is Friday the 13th, the Middle East is in flames, there is no Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, there is a snow storm in the Rocky Mountains, fires in Canada and the sun will be eclipsed tomorrow. Ready to make your sacrifices to your Gods and Goddesses?
In addition all of the above, it is the most mediocre season of college football ever. No team seems to be playing at a high level. Is this due to Portal? Is this due to NIL? Is it me? Whatever, I am just not able to express great emotion for any team.
The A schools of the SEC – Arkansas and Alabama – kick off at 11:00 on ESPN. That game will certainly be more enjoyable than Georgia and Vanderbilt on CBS at 11:00.
Texas A&M and Tennessee on CBS at 2:30. This could be The Jimbo Egress. CBS? Once again we get to hear the biased, bigoted, never ceasing talking of Gary Danielson. He has already pissed off Tennessee fans by saying there stadium is no big deal. Why can’t he call Georgia and Vanderbilt? Aggies? You can still make something out of the season besides the Texas Bowl.
Oregon and Washington on ABC at 2:30. Evidently the break up of the Pac 12 spurred some last year heroics. Both team are undefeated..
Speaking of the Pack 12… USC plays Our Lady on the Notre Dame network NBC at 6:30. Let’s go Trojans! Reminder, the USC mascot is warrior from the Trojan War between ancient Greece and Troy and not the prophylactic.
Speaking of mediocrity, Auburn visits Death Valley in Baton Rouge to meet up with LSU on ESPN at 6:00.
Stanford and Colorado on ESPN at 9:00. I agree with Coach Prime. This is too late. Old people go to bed at this time. When the time changes in a few weeks, we will have already been in bed for several hours.
Speaking of Hail Mary… If you did not see the end of the West Virginia and University of Houston … WVa scores with 12 seconds left to take the lead. Then with 1 second and a hail Mary pass U of H scores a touchdown to win 41 to 39 and Dana probably keeps his job for the moment.
And in conclusion…
Don’t forget to wear your special sun eclipse glasses. Better yet, watch it on TV.
Pray for Peace.
BTHO Tennessee
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Alabama, college football, College Football; Texas Aggies, humor, LSU, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies
Friday, October 6, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Six
Before we snark into college football, I wanted to update you on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, because I know that you, like me, find this is of extremely high interest. It is has not been determined if Miss Swift will be in the Kelce box this weekend or not. But HWIT – three dates and there is a U-Haul in the future. Neither has it been determined if Miss Swift’s new color of lipstick is KC Chief Red.
Onward through the fog …
Snatch up the babies and grab the old ladies and hold on to your horses. Get those Big Solid Swear Jars ready. This weekend in college football is going to be a doozy.
Let us kick off with some relatively interesting games in the morning hours.
LSU and Missouri on ESPN @ 11:00 – Tiger Tiger burning bright; Kelly’s on the hot seat, right? Missouri could go six and O! Oh my!
Maryland and Ohio State on Fox @ 11:00 – undefeated Terrapins and Buckeyes! Watch for ugly uniforms and those little pot stickers on Ohio State helmets.
To the evening hours.
Georgia and Kentucky on ESPN at 6:00– Both teams are undefeated but playing between the hedges in Georgia. WAKE-UP UGA! Those wildkats could sneak up on you! Go Wildkats!
Arkansas at Ole Miss 6:30 on SECN – This could kinda fun. Let’s think – Hillbillies meet the Preppies. Hotty Toddy in The Grove.
Notre Dame visits Louisville on ABC at 6:37 (6:37 is what is on the schedule) My two least favorite teams in any sport!
In the Big 12 Mediocrity Bowl at 7:00 on ESPN2, we have Tortilla Tech visiting Baylor. TT red uniforms and BU green uniforms maybe? Just a reminder Christmas is just around the corner.
And now for the only two games of meaning this weekend…
But first – a riddle for Alabama, Oklahoma, Texas A&M, and THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. What does the following mean?
YOUR SEASON
It means – Your Season on the line.
First at 11:00 – THE UNIVERSITY of Texas and Oklahoma University in the Red River Rivalry on ABC. This is one of those games when you never can tell. HWIT- The winner of this contest wins the Big 12. Once again – Do not let Arch play! Save that redshirt for the SEC! Meanwhile – Boomer Sooner!
And now – the game we have all been waiting for. Alabama and Texas A&M at 2:30 on CBS. The season is on the line for both of these teams too. CBS? Oh crap! Does that mean The Motor Mouth Gary Danielson will be in the booth? Can we put him in an isolation booth?
To the Alabama QB – if you thought the cowbells of Mississippi State were loud, wait until you hear The 12th Man. And The 12th Man does not have to cease yelling when you are trying to call a play.
To the A&M Defense – Can you make it seven QB sacks in a row? Sure, go for eight, after all, is the Alabama O-Line, where the O is actually a 0 as in zero.
To Jimbo/Bobby – Do not let Max the QB run with the ball. The next in line for QB is as good as I am!
To the Texas A&M field goal kicker – May the hold be good, may your leg be strong and may your kick go “… end over end neither left nor the right, straight through the heart of them righteous uprights…” just like last time the Tide was in Kyle Field.
BTHO ALABAMA!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Alabama, Baylor, college football, humor, LSU, OU Football, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies, The University of Texas, University of Texas football
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