Friday, September 18, 2020 – Snarky Friday Returns

Friday, September 18, 2020 – Snarky Friday Returns

Never mind. I just looked at this Saturday’s college football games.  There is very little to snark about because I have no interest in any team playing.

Perhaps an exception to is Baylor and University of Houston. Throwback to the Southwest Conference. Sic ‘Em Bears! That is on FOX tomorrow at 11:00. At the same hour on ESPN there is Tulsa and Oklahoma State. Go Pokes!

And perhaps Stephen F. Austin and University of Texas @ San Antonio. This is interesting only if you attended either university or better if the parental unit graduated from SFA and the children graduated from the UTSA. PLUS there is 12-ounce beer and four quarters to the game.  Ax ‘Em Jacks. This is on ESPN3 for you streamers.

The one item to snark about is the majority of the LSU football players tested positive for COVID. Guess it hard to not party in Baton Rouge. HWIT – the winner of the SEC will be the healthiest team still on its feet in November.

Since there is so little snark, I devised another thought question for you.  Many of us are spending an extraordinary time in our homes. This leads to endless hours of time wasted by watching television.  Since March I have seen every episode on the Investigative Discovery (ID) Channel and am currently working on the OWN. FYI – They will always find you from the cameras at Walmart. And the spouse usually did it. But I digress.

The point is that we are watching television.  So here is your assignment.

Rank the following television commercials from one to four in terms of irritation and obnoxiousness with one being “it is only on for 30 seconds” and four “where is the damn remote mute button.”

  • Joe Namath hawking Medicare
  • William Shatner hawking the sleep machine cleaner
  • LiMu Emu and Doug hawking insurance – you may substitute the creepy fortune teller in the booth
  • Any commercial of your choice that deals with the release of bodily fluids or deals with bodily functions, including but not limited to your intestinal tract or your urinary tract

As you are ranking these television commercials, please notice that they all air just about the time you are sitting down to dinner.  

Until next Friday, when real football begins, have a nice weekend. Stay safe and wear your mask.

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Good Morning Class to those of you who have sufficient access and bandwidth. FYI – I told you in 2012 in my last Doctor Hat professional job, when I wrote the report to the United States Congress, that there was not enough bandwidth in the 50 states and Us territories to provide sufficient and equal online/distance learning.  Google me.

During these wicked times, it is important to keep one’s mind sharp and active. Therefore, I have prepared some activities for you. There is no time limit.

  1. If Train A leaves the station travelling at 65 miles per hour and Train B leaves the station traveling at 85 miles per hour in the opposite direction, how many glasses of wine can you drink before the two trains collide?
  2. John, Jane, Jeff, and Joan are each holding a coin. John’s coin is larger in cents than Joan’s. Joan’s coin is larger in cents than Jeff’s. But Jane’s family owns the liquor store so who do you like best?
  3. The radius of a 12-inch circle is the length of the line from the center to any point on the circle. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
  4. Which one of these objects do not belong?
    1. Wine
    1. Wine
    1. Wine
    1. Spinach
  5. Diagram the following sentence.
    1. “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to Separation.”

Answers are due by midnight tonight.


Stay safe. Wear your mask.

And the wildfires – I have many friends in California and Oregon. I have heard from families in California who are safe, but the air is unbreathable, and they are unable to go outdoors. I have not heard from my Oregon friends, but one of the towns in Oregon where a friend lives has been in the news because it was destroyed.

Also, I have friends in the path of Hurricane Sally.

So please do your Deity and think of them and all of the others in Mother Nature’s wrath.

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

While it is true that Here’s What I’m Thinking has been in semi-quarantine (grocery store and gym), the truer reason is this. It is so dang hard to be happy and cheerful during The COVID Era. But perhaps the return of college football will spark some energy.

The awards usually follow a Snarky Friday about teams, but it just didn’t seem appropriate since last Friday was 9/11. Nineteen years later I still remember every detail from the moment the American Airlines plane I was on sat down in New Orleans until I reached Austin.

But let me see if I have any awards to hand out.

Let’s begin with an award that goes to every team that played. May I present you with the It Shows That There Was No Spring Practice Award. Most teams looked as though they would have difficulty against Our Sisters of the Perpetually Poor. Games were filled with false starts, illegal motions, lack of timing and favorite poor tackling.

The Blow-Out/Upset Award goes to each winning school in the Big 12 Conference. As in previous years, there are only ten universities and only four are located in Texas.

But if your Big 12 school won, it was a blow out. If your Big 12 lost, it was an upset. Better luck next week.

There is no Poopy Undies Award because games were not really close in score. Oh wait. Let’s give a Poopy Undies Award to Tortilla Tech who barely beat Houston Baptist 35 to 33. Houston Baptist? Nobody goes to HB to play football.

The award for No Spittle in the Air goes to the referee crews who used some kind of whistling gadget that when a button is pushed a shrill whistling sound can be heard in the next county. This was used rather than whistles to avoid spit droplets. (Most used a Fox 40 Classic – you can get one at your Walmart)

I would be remiss if I did not give The Cardboard Fan Cut Out Award to each team.  Strange, but less booing of teams and referees,

However, the best award goes to B. J. Forester formerly of THE University of Texas at Austin. Mr. Forester receives the “Not ‘til Gabriel Blows His Horn for Me Award” for leaving the game and quitting the team in the third quarter.

Perhaps next week’s games will be more exciting. Bad football is better than no football. We can continue to wait until real college football season begins when the SEC plays. It just means more.

Stay safe. Wear a mask.

Tuesday, August 18, 2020 – The Right to Vote

Tuesday, August 18, 2020 – The Right to Vote

Today marks the 100th anniversary of the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution giving women the right to vote.

My grandmother did not have the right to vote.  My mother had to pay a poll tax to vote. I have voted in every election since I turned 18 years old.

On October 13, 2020 I plan to be in line for the first day of early voting. I will be prepared to stand in line. I will bring lunch, dinner, and breakfast if necessary. I will wear necessary garments to stand in line without a bathroom break. I will bring a book. I will have music and earbuds.

I will not be denied access to voting. Neither should anyone else.

womens vote shirt

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Tuesday, June 2, 2020 – COVID 19 Be Damned – Let’s Play Football!

We are the Aggies and we are coming for you!

Aggie mask

Tuesday, May 19, 2020 – Continued Life in the Coronavirus

Tuesday, May 19, 2020 – Continued Life in the Coronavirus

I suppose if We, the People, are to resume any semblance of life before coronavirus (BC) it necessary to resume as many previous activities possible. Therefore, Here’s What I’m Thinking is back.

So, what are you doing during these times? Since it has been a while since I posted anything, I will begin with what I have been doing.

Since March 13 I have been staying at home with errands only for food. I am so excited my first hair cut in two months is Friday.

During this time, I have watched an enormous amount of television. Since I am now into repeat episodes, I have solved the crimes on the ID Channel twice now. If you are not familiar with the ID Channel it is Investigative Discovery or true crime. Here are some observations and here’s what I’m thinking.

  1. Actual time. The episodes are an hour in length. During these sixty minutes, there are about 20 minutes of commercials; 10 minutes of repeated generic scenery around the area; 20 minutes of repeated interviews with family, friends, loved ones and police. This leaves about 10 minutes of actual story.
  2. Wal-Mart. If you are going to off some one, do not go to Wal-Mart to buy your killing supplies. Those cameras show the shovel, the gloves, bleach, the gasoline cans, tarp, ropes and everything else as clear as if you were standing there and making the purchase yourself.
  3. Credit card. Don’t use somebody else’s credit card. The cameras will tell that 87-year-old Harriet Hosebeast is not a 40 year old male with a beard wearing biker gear.
  4. Traffic flow. Many of these crimes take place in major urban cities. Like Houston for example. The other night there was an episode and the police were investigating an area around the Galleria area. One could see Loop 610 in the background. The time was 3:00 AM. There was no traffic on the Loop. Trust me I have driven Loop 610 at all hours, yes, even at 3:00 AM. There is never a time when there is no traffic on any freeway in Houston, Texas,
  5. Recreation of events. At the beginning of each episode, there is a disclaimer stating something like “some events are recreated to tell the story in detail.” Recently an episode was about the murder of the Baylor basketball player several years ago. There were generic scenes of Waco and generic scenes around the Baylor campus. However, there were two scenes that came under my intense scrutiny and suspicion.
    1. One – a scene allegedly in a Baylor gym practice facility, had young men playing one on one and shooting hoops. Do you really believe that Baylor University, the largest Baptist University in the world, has a practice facility with exposed rafters above? No. I have toured basketball facilities at Baylor to know they do not have something that tacky. Say – Church basement.
    2. Two – the Baylor head coach office. The Baylor incident was indeed tragic and sadly the head coach was involved. The scene was recreated when interviews went to the coach’s office. I have tour athletic facilities on several campuses. Coaches’ offices are suites. Never have I seen a Head Coach’s office designated by a baby doo doo brown wooden door, with a tacky metal name plate that read “Head Coach.”

That is it for the moment. Tomorrow maybe I will do book reports on the 14 books I have read since January.

Saturday, May 2, 2020 – Dos de Mayo

Saturday, May 2, 2020 – Coronavirus Music – Dos de Mayo

This is one of those songs that floods your memory banks as soon as you hear the opening chords.

Grab a beverage of choice and relax for 3:10. Enjoy!

Friday, May 1, 2020 – Life in the Times of Coronavirus – Or Uno de Mayo

Friday, May 1, 2020 – Life in the Times of Coronavirus – Or Uno de Mayo

It’s May! It’s May! The Lusty Month of May! That song is from Camelot for all you non artsy, fartsy folks.

The state of Texas is open for business today as per Governor Greg Abbott.  Restaurants, malls and movie theatres are allowed to open.

Now I am not talking about the health issues, political issues or timing of the re-opening of Texas. That is your thing Governor.  I am talking WHICH BUSINESSES are opening in the first phase.  This is a bipartisan issue effecting at least 50 of the population of Texas.

Hair and nail salons and gyms are not in the initial opening phase. If you are going to Re-open Texas, these places need to open sooner than later.

Listen, Governor Abbott. We women have been sitting at home watching our nails and hair grow for weeks. Many of my friends have not seen the original color of their hair since Jimmy Carter was president. Some of us have not had locks that long since Nixon was in office. Women with big hair in Lubbock will be able to go as Cousin Itt from The Addams Family for Halloween. Men are beginning to resemble Darryl – formerly known as Big Foot. And I do not EVEN want to think about waxing of body parts.

Women are taping their bangs with tape attempting to trim the bangs over their forehead evenly. Women are giving their husbands, sons, uncles, boyfriends, children a DIY Trim. One of my friends said, “To Hell with it and shaved her husband’s head.”

Homemade hair cuts are creating a significant new fashion look, but hair is not as critical as NAILS! Husbands, wives and significant others everywhere are having to cut each other’s toenails.

None of these toenail cutting imagination scenarios are pretty in the cob-webbed corners of our minds.  Speaking of not pretty, none of us have been to the gym since Texas Independence Day in March. It does not matter how many walks around the neighborhood you take, it ain’t the gym! My baggy pants are now my fat pants. And I am talking about SWEAT PANTS!

So, Governor, this is bassackwards. The wrong businesses are opening first. You think we women are going out in public to a restaurant, mall or movie theatre? So, open the beauty and nail salons and gyms back up, please. I guarantee it will make Texas a more beautiful place.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020 – Softly Call the Muster…

Tuesday, April 21, 2020 – Softly Call the Muster…

Aggie Muster is a tradition unique to Texas A&M University that embodies and perpetuates the Aggie Spirit. Celebrated on April 21st every year, Muster engages thousands of Aggies worldwide to honor and celebrate the Aggie Family – past, present, and future.

It is famously quoted “If there is an A&M man in one hundred miles of you, you are expected to get together, eat a little, and live over the days you spent at the A&M College of Texas.”

Although over a century has passed and thousands of Musters have been held, the roots remain the same of honoring the Aggies who have passed and celebrating those gathered together.

Aggie Muster is definitely one those traditions that if you are on the outside looking in, you do not understand it. If you are on the inside, you cannot explain it.

So, for all we answer “Here” in the Spirit of Aggieland.

spirit of aggieland

Tuesday, April 14, 2020 – Live in the Time of Coronavirus

Tuesday, April 14, 2020 – Live in the Time of Coronavirus

Today the brain is all over the place. So hang on and sing.

Today we have a song that never became popular. For example, here is one that was never sung since today was a bit icy for the big boat. It sank on this day in 1912.

Bon voyage to you, new Titanic.

You’re the greatest ship on the sea.

Bon voyage to you, new Titanic.

Say Hello to the Statue of Liberty!

To wish you a safe crossing is unthinkable.

We know with what you’re costing you’re unsinkable.

So bon voyage to you, new Titanic.

You’re the greatest ship on the sea.

Well, watch out for the iceberg.

              I have self-isolated, quarantined, stayed indoors, social distanced for one month with only trips to the grocery store. Yesterday, I ordered a large package of surgical masks. I fear this crap is not going away for another six weeks or so.  This may indeed become a cultural change.

Today, I was going for the space look rather than the bumble bee look when I went to the grocery store.

space mask

Mask wearing at the store was about fifty-fifty. Half the people wore one, the others not. I did see that some place in town required you to wear a mask. I tried to go that store, but they insisted I have on more than the mask and made me go home.

Us grammar mammars so dislike it when a noun becomes a verb. For example – Please, wear a mask (noun) Mask up (verb). Now please diagram the sentences. Stop complaining, you are as bored as I am. Admit it.

Here is another song gaining popularity in these times.

Where have all the paper towels gone?

Long time passing.

Where have all the paper towels gone?

Long-time ago.

Where have all the paper towels gone

Cause I can’t find a roll nowhere,

No, I can’t find a roll.

Stay safe. Stay strong. Say your prayers. And Lord, please do not let this linger into college football season.