Tag Archives: College Football; Texas Aggies

Friday, November 12, 2021 – Week Eleven of College Football Presents Snarky Friday.

Friday, November 12, 2021 – Week Eleven of College Football Presents Snarky Friday.

We are getting closer to seeing which teams will go bowling and which teams will be in the weight room getting ready for next season. As usual I only snark on teams that I like and teams that play teams that I like. And recall, that I am an equal opportunity Snark. I only like a few teams this week.

In the unholy hour for football at 11:00 AM we find the following:

Oklahoma at Baylor on Fox. The Bears better be a praying for a Miracle on the Brazos. It has happened before. However, you might want to pray that the Boomer Sooner Schooner School all test positive for Covid. Sic ‘Em Bears!

New Mexico State at Alabama on the SECN. Whaaat? Why is your cupcake game against New Mexico State? Granted it is The Land of Enchantment, but there ain’t nothing going to be enchanting in Tuscaloosa. Roll Tide!

Michigan at Penn State on ABC. Michigan goes to Happy Town or Happy Time, or wherever Penn State is located. I hope the Nittany Lions are indeed Happy in Happy at the end of the game.

Mississippi State at Auburn on ESPN. To State Fans: Just in case you missed it last week, Auburn lost, and they are going to be pissed when they take the field. Just saying.

We have two goodies at 2:30. Set phasers on Upset.

Georgia at Tennessee at 2:30 CBS .

Wish that I was on ol’ Rocky Top
Down in the Tennessee hills
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top
Ain’t no telephone bills

Rocky Top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me
Good ol’ Rocky Top
Rocky Top, Tennessee
Rocky Top, Tennessee

I would wear those ugly orange and white strip overalls if Tennessee could upset Georgia and throw the entire playoff system into chaos. May the ghost of Peyton Manning haunt the field.

Purdue at Ohio State at 2:30 ABC. Can the Boilermakers do it for a fourth time? May the ghost of Drew Brees haunt the field and dot the I in the OHIO band.

In the evening your choices are:

Arkansas at LSU at 6:30 on SECN. This could be a good one. Both teams have much to prove, and LSU is blazing trying to make Coach O’s last games wins.

And last and certainly least, we have Rock Chalk Jayhawk Kansas at Texas University at 6:30 on ESPNU. The Horns are not getting a great deal of video footage for the Longhorn Network because you are not winning. This is your chance. It may be your only chance to finish with a win.

Of course the game of the week that has repercussions up and down the Top 25 is

Texas A&M at Ole Miss 6:00 on ESPN.

As previously, we must know things about the opponent. Read on for the history.

When it chartered the University of Mississippi on February 24, 1844, the Mississippi Legislature laid the foundation for public higher education in the state. The legislature is still laying the foundation for any type of education in the state.

The University was used as a Confederate hospital during the American Civil War. General Ulysses S. Grant’s army almost burned it down.

The University of Mississippi has gone through several mascots as the times changed. For years, the mascot was Colonel Reb, a plantation looking owner carrying a cane.

I would explain more but I want to avoid being accused of teaching Critical Race Theory.

But in 2003 (They kept the plantation guy until 2003???) the student body voted to change the mascot. It was initially a black bear called Rebel Bear, but the bear did not last long because it had no meaningful association with the state or the University. No bears in Mississippi. So, Ole Miss adopted the mascot, Tony the Landshark because it has a meaningful association because there are so many landsharks in the state. Actually, the Ole Miss defense came up with the name.

There was a race riot on the Ole Miss campus in 1962 when James Meredith, was the first black man to enroll. Again, I wish I could give you more history, but Critical Race Theory.

The university’s byname “Ole Miss” dates to 1897, when it was the winning entry of a contest held to solicit suggestions for a yearbook title. The term “Ole Miss” originated as a title domestic slaves used to distinguish the mistress of the plantation from the “young misses”. Nothing like having the name of the university continuing antebellum thoughts. This might be CRT too.

If you can change the mascots, why not change the name. I submit the following as the new name for the University of Mississippi. The University of Manning. You could have the Archie School, the Eli School and even the Cooper School. Think about it.

So Hotty Toddy to Ole Miss, but the Texas Aggies are coming. To Aggie QB Calzada. DO NOT SLIDE HEAD FIRST! But I’m sure Jimbo has gently said something similar.

Kiffer? Do you ever modify your facial expression? Or is the look of being lost or stoned just a permanent expression? You are going to need lots of popcorn, this week, Kiffy!

But be careful, Aggies. Do not open the door if you hear from the other side “Candygram.” It’s a Landshark!!

BTHO Ole Miss

Friday, October 8, 2021 – Snarky Friday College Football

Friday, October 8, 2021 – Snarky Friday College Football

From Famous Flop Songs

There’re be a hot hot time in Lakehurst, New Jersey when the Hindenburg lands today.

Well the Hindenburg busted in Kyle Field last weekend, thus making the most anticipated, most wanted, most desired football game of the season MOOT!

MOOT MOOT! Texas A&M v Alabama at 7:00 on CBS. NOOOO! Not Motor Mouth, Gary Danielson calling the game??? He hates both the TIDE and the Aggies. I feel certain the feelings are mutual.

If the Aggies win the toss to start the game, I will count that as a victory. The only thing we can hope for is a mild case of food poisoning going through the first team offense and first team defense.

However, the one thing that Alabama should be concerned about is: Once again, Schrodinger, You don’t know if the cat is dead or alive. However, we’ll know after the first offensive or the first defensive series.

Who at network programming scheduled all of these games at 11:00? He or she needs to be fired! They obviously have never experienced the night before a football game.

Maryland and Ohio State at 11:00 on Fox. Way too early in the day to see your ugly helmets.

West Virginia at Baylor at 11:00 on FS1. Sic ‘Em Bears. Mildly entertaining, but again, Ugly Uniforms could be in play. (HA – Get it! In Play?)

South Carolina at Tennessee on ESPN2 at 11:00. Boring.

Vanderbilt  at Florida at 11:00 SECN – Pitifully boring. Is there a seventy point rule?

Here are THE games to ready your screens.

Oklahoma and THE University of Texas at 11:00 on ABC in The Red River Rivalry or The Red River Showdown. This game used to be called The Red River Shoot Out, but the two states began to take the term literally. Dallas area bars and watch parties will be rocking as far away as Plano and Frisco.

Arkansas and Ole Miss at 11:00 on ESPN – Got your popcorn ready, Lane? Don’t forget to plug in the microwave.

Georgia plays Auburn at 2:30 on CBS. Oooh! Maybe Gary D will call this one, fall down and sprain his mouth and have to go to the hospital.

TCU is on the plains playing Tortilla Tech at 6 on ESPN. No comment.

Temple and Cincinnati at ESPN at 6:00. Is Temple a Jewish institution? Or is it named after Shirley?

LSU at Kentucky at 6:30 on SECN. LSU and TAMU in the Independence Bowl?

Notre Dame at Virginia Tech 6:30 on ACCN – I want to see the Hokie Pokie all four quarters in hopes that all that glitters is not those gold helmets.

Nevertheless, The 12th Man would like to say WELCOME TO THE ALABAMA TIDE! Please know it will be the loudest welcome you have this season. Bring your ear plugs!


Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards

First, let me apologize for no Snarky Friday. Like many, I was strung out, stressed and worthless due to the long OT of the election. Now it is time to heal and remember that we are all Americans. “The needs of the many out way the needs of the few,” so says Spock.

Now to the awards ceremony.

COVID 2 – Purdue and Wisconsin – 0

From the Big 12…

Let’s just give the entire Conference The Lantern Award because ain’t nobody shining bright from this group.

Baylor 31 – Iowa State 38 – To Baylor I award the Annie Award because it’s a hard knock life. Here, have a cigar for being close.

THE University of Texas 17 University of West Virgina 13 – I am giving THE University a Celebrate Whatever You Can Award with your self-named “defensive victory” for holding West Virginia to 13 points and your rise in the AP Poll from 22 to 21.

Liberty 38 Virginia Tech 35 – The Hokies (whatever that is) receive the Miss Stakes Award for screwing up and giving the Freezing Liberty Pool Boys the victory. Actually, the Liberty mascot is “The Flame.” I’ll save that one to see in which bowl game Liberty plays.

Florida 44 Georgia 28 -The Gators receive the William T. Sherman Award because they chomped and marched through Georgia like a tank convoy. Georgia falls to AP Number 12.

Houston 10 Cincinnati 38 – I award Cincy the WKRP Award. Remind me again, where did you come from? Have not seen you around until recently.

Mississippi State 24 Vanderbilt 17 – To Mississippi State I award the Margin Award for only being marginally better than Vanderbilt. To Mississippi State Coach, Mike Leach, I award the Meaningless and Fabled Metaphor Award for saying about this the State Team:

“The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.”  

Do you say that to Arkansas and South Carolina, Mike? That is a picture from 2019, from Washington State, but it really works for the Mississippi State Season.

Texas A&M 48 South Carolina 3 – It is a good Mond morning. I award the Aggies the WHO Award, as in “Who Are You? I really want to know.” I also award the Aggies with a High FIVE Award as in Number Five in the AP Poll.

To South Carolina I award the Sanderson Chicken Farm and Processing Plant Award. Please note that I am calling PETA to get that screaming chicken to shut up. And don’t be bringing that bird to Kyle Field!

And in the big game of Clemson 40 and Notre Dame 47 in Double OT – I award The Alabama Crimson Tide First Place in the AP and they didn’t have to play a down.

Of course, fans of Clemson and ND receive a Poopy Undies Award for double Overtime. And while we are down there, I award the University of Notre Dame the Asparagus Pee Colored Helmet Award! I hope the TIDE washes that away.

November 11th is Veterans Day. Honor and thank them for our freedom.

Monday, October 12, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 12, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire. From the college weekend football games that Defense forgot. It was upsets and near upsets.

First of all, what is with Ohio State, Penn State and Oregon being in the AP Top 10? You have not even played a down, let alone a game. You think you can run the 100-yard dash by starting at the 50-yard line? Big Assterick by your name.

Let’s begin with our first award, by giving The Decibel Level and Deception Award to Florida Head Coach Dan Mullins for complaining of the loud crowd noise and crowd size in Kyle Field. You think The 12th Man is loud when the stadium is as ESPN reported 27,709 in attendance? That is not even Yell Practice attendance preCOVID. Rather use the crowd noise as your excuse, perhaps you should examine your defense.

Florida QB Kyle Trask receives the trophy with a long name for If You Are Named After Kyle Field, You Don’t Win In It Unless You Wear Maroon.

To the Florida team I am awarding The Beer Trophy because it was Spiller Time in Aggieland.  Texas A&M 41 Florida 38.

LSU receives the Hurricane Delta Award for moving their game from the 2:30 afternoon slot in Baton Rouge to 11:00 in the morning in Missouri. The Tigers get A Great Goal Line Stand Award for holding on in the final seconds. That would be the Missouri Tigers. Missouri 45 and LSU 41.

Kentucky and Mississippi State – The Bulldogs receive the Yogi Berra Award for Deja Vue All Over Again. Mike, I told you the SEC is smarter, and the SEC knows your one play. Yes, even Kentucky. I am only an old while lady who has never coached, but I am thinking blaming your players for the loss is not positive.

The Ugly Uniform Award this week goes to TCU. Just because your mascot, a Horned Frog, is able to spurt blood from its eyes, it does not mean you should wear red on your uniform. Your colors are purple and white. I looked it up on your page. Besides, those uniforms looked as thought you borrowed them from SMU. K-State 21 and TCU 14. K-State is 3-0 in the Big 12.

The Heartbreak Hotel and Threaded Incline Plane Awards go to the Arkansas Razorbacks. Razorbacks 28 Auburn 30. It was a fumbled snap, not grounding in the final minute.

Alabama and Ole Miss – I am giving both teams the Michael Jackson Halloween Award because it was a Thriller. Both teams receive a Defense By-Pass Award because the defensive units on both teams by-passed the game allowing the offense to rake up a whopping SEC record score of 63 to 48 and 723 yards for Alabama and 647 for Ole Miss. And that was in regulation and more points and yards than some teams score in three consecutive games.

Both teams’ alum will send their Cussing Jar Money to their respective alma maters to ensure their defensive units take the bus to the next game. Any extra funds can be used for the purchase of new underwear.

Speaking of overtimes. It was THE University of Texas 45 and OU 53 in Four Overtimes. I award THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University The Ballerina Award because both of you now hold records of 2-2 as in tutu. When is the last time neither one of those schools was in the Top 25?

THE University of Texas receives the Maud Mullins Award from the poem of the same name by John Greenleaf Wittier.

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: ‘It might have been!'”

And to TU Head Coach Tom Herman, I award a Gift Certificate to a Headhunter and Resume Service. Coach Herman? Have you thought about forming a band with a group of Hermits?


Friday, October 9, 2020 – Snark on Snark Friday

Friday, October 9, 2020 – Snark on Snark Friday

Let’s do the Big 12 first and just get them out of the way.

Our Saturday will begin at 11:00 am when THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University play in the Embarrassment Game. At least one of these teams will get to say “Well, at least I beat TU/OU” This games airs on Fox.

In an air assault on the big time ABC at 2:30 we find the Texas Tech Tortillas and the Iowa State Cyclones.  While Tech certainly know about cyclones, this one could be a good, but long game and down the wire.

At 3:00 on Fox the Big 12 fans turn to Kansas State and TCU in the purple game. I hope TCU wears those uniforms with the purple shark looking teeth round their neck. It brought them luck last week. I also hope Gary Patterson body slams a referee like he did last week for a penalty.

Moving to the conference that just means more, at 11:00 we find LSU thankfully playing at Missouri and avoiding Hurricane Delta.  Tigers tigers burning bright.

On the SEC Network don’t look for Uncle Will Muschamp’s head to explode against Vanderbilt at 11:00.

And the Gators of Florida and the Fighting Texas Aggies kick off at 11:00 in Kyle Field on ESPN. It will be either a Willie Nelson Bloody Mary Morning or a Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville start of the day.

Following the Aggie/Florida game on ESPN at 3:00 is Arkansas and Auburn. A factoid to store away for trivia night is that the business school at Arkansas was accredited in 1946 when the school became an university. When did the Auburn business school become accredited? Jimmy Carter was president.

Will, Jimbo and Gus? Rumor has it that there is a shortage of Bic lighters in your towns due to the fact that SC, A&M and Auburn alums are thinking of hot seats.

Tennessee and Georgia kick at 2:30 on CBS. This means you will need to mute Gary Danielson’s biased, rambling, no one cares what you say, announcing. Go Dawgs!

Mike and Mississippi State are happy to be in Kentucky and away from any deltas including the Big Delta Hurricane too. Game airs at 6:30 on the SEC Network. Go Dogs!

ESPN 6:30 on ESPN. Alabama and Ole Miss in the Geritol Game. Kiffin? Did your Mama not raise you right? It is not polite to make fun of old people. As my Mama used to tell me “Shut up! You gonna be like that yourself one day.”

You challenge an “elderly” (your words) person to a challenge.  You said you could beat Saban one on one. You are 45 years old. Nick Saban is 68.

Kiffie, you Snark? You have about 5 more years before everything hurts when you wake up in the morning. Your knees go out. Your shoulders hurt and all moving joints just don’t seem to move as they used to. This does not even include internal body happenings.

Saban is smart enough to realize your challenge was stupid. HWIT, the weight of Saban’s championship rings weight down his hands and would impede his speed. ROLL TIDE!


Early Voting Starts Tuesday in Texas! VOTE!

Monday, October 5, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 5, 2020 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Let’s begin with awarding The Lone Star Award to TCU. The Horned Frogs were the only football team in Texas to win against their opponent.

Wait there is a flag on the play. I award THE University of Texas and TCU The Flag Football Award. In the first 11 plays of the game, there were nine penalties.

TCU receives The Moo Award for milking the clock and defeating THE University of Texas 33-31.

Baylor and West Virginia both receive The Ugly Game into Double OT Award.  21-27 West Virginia. Maybe if Baylor did not wear their practice looking uniforms it would have been a better outcome for the Bears.

The Ugly Uniform Award goes to Memphis for looking like a Zebra against SMU.

And now the big awards.

The History Award goes to THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University for both losing on the same weekend. I have not yet found the last time, but it has been a long time.

Additional History Awards go to OU because the last time OU had back to back Big 12 Conference losses was 1999!

The Big History Trophy goes to OU because the last time Iowa State defeated OU in Aimes, Iowa was 1960! 1960 – I was not even in high school. 37-30 Cyclones. And Iowa State receives the Good-Looking Uniforms by wearing all black and not the usual ugly red and yellow ones.

Oklahoma State did win big over Kansas 40-7 so let’s give them the ordinary Good Job, Well Done Award for defeating Kansas.

Let’s just go ahead and give the teams of the Big 12 Conference the White Out Wipe Out Award. Kansas State may win the conference.

I have not given a Rotten Announcer Award so far, but this Monday it goes to Gary Danielson. Gary, in addition to Rotten Announcer, you get The Put a Sock in Your Biased Mouth Award plus The Hoover Award because you suck by your continued blabber talk and calling a biased game. Don’t believe me? Look at social media. Not just my opinion.  Man just shut up!

Georgia and Auburn 27-6. Georgia wins the Bad Moon Rising Award while Auburn receives the Falling out of the Top 10 Award. Is it true that one would rather have a sister in a whorehouse than a brother who graduated from Auburn?

Ole Miss receives The Hotty Totty Award for defeating Kentucky in 42 to 31 in OT. Ole Miss also wins the Wait ‘til the Sun Shines, Nelly Certificate for when you actually play a good team.

Mississippi State receives a Hunting License for Feral Hogs to be used next season. Arkansas receives The House of the Rising Hog Award for defeating State 21-14.

The Mask on your Snout Award goes to the Head Coach of Arkansas. Probably thinking it is one of those pig noses.

Mike L., I just wanted to remind you that you are playing in the smartest football conference – both on and off the field. Run and Gun Offense may not carry you through the season. Most teams will figure it out.

LSU receives a Good Job Well Done Award for beating Vanderbilt 41-7.

The Treasury Secretary doppelganger, Steve Munchin wins The Referee of the Week Award.

Alabama and Texas A&M 52-24 – The Texas Aggies receive The Environmental Hazard Award because when the TIDE rolled over you, you looked like dead fish washed up and rotting and stinking on the beach.

Speaking of beaches, next week the Aggies play Florida. This could be a Sand in my Pants Trophy even though the game is in Kyle Field.

Pac 10? You want to come play now? By playing six games? No! No! NO! Just stay on the beach and surf.  You cannot play for the COVID Championship Trophy!

Wear your mask. Be safe and VOTE!

VOTE! Today is the last day to register to vote in Texas. Ensure you are registered by checking the website.


September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Just like the year 2020 has been, it was a wild, crazy and unpredictable weekend in college football. Everybody receives a Poopy Undies award.  Every team receives a It Shows There Was No Spring Training Certificate.

I must first check on the health and well being of Elf and Big Solid. I am certain they fainted at the end of the Mississippi State and LSU game. Evidently, there are pirates on the bayous.

Assisting me today with trophy/award handouts is Miss Queue. She, along with her pets, Fumbles, Interceptions and Sacks were present in every game played.

The Pepto-Bismal Dismal Performance Award goes to Oklahoma. You were upset in Norman by Kansas State! Here, take the Embarrassment Award too.

The MOO Award goes to Kansas State for milking the clock to beat OU 38-35. Maybe THE University of Texas will beat Oklahoma this year.

Speaking of the Horns. When it almost looked as though it would be a weekend when both OU and TU lost, Banjo Boy and Horns were able to pull it out in OT against Texas Tech 63-56. I am awarding myself The Frog Award because I TOAD you Tech would be up for TU. They were just not up quite enough.

Speaking of orange – Ok, it is a stretch. Oklahoma State? What was with those uniforms? They looked like those tacky uniforms TU and Tennessee wear when they do all white with a few orange stripes. You receive this week’s Bad Uniforms Award. But you did score a win against West Virginia.

The Good Uniforms Award and the win goes to Baylor. The bright green and gold combo looked good. Perhaps that is why the Mad Hatter Kansas Coach was still wearing shades at 9:30 at night. We know it is not because Kansas’ football future is so bright, he has to wear shades.

To the LSU Tigers, you receive The Flat Certificate because you looked flat on the field.  And you receive the Linda Rondast Award because Mississippi State Blew By You!

The largest group of awards goes to the Mississippi State University Bulldogs – The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Mike Leach. You might just find a home in the SEC. Wait until you play Florida. There might even been pirate ships.

State receives the Best Victory of the Day! Best Upset of the Day! Best Quarterback Performance of the Day! And last, Nobody Saw That Coming Award! Great victory to start the season!

Alabama rolled over Missouri 38-19. It was 28 to 3 at half time. Let’s give Bama the Looking Good Again Award. I know it is a small award, but I am sure there will be others and more meaningful ones as the season goes on.

Meanwhile at the same time and almost the same half-time on a different channel it was 7 to 5 going into the top of the 3rd between Texas A&M and Vanderbilt. VANDERBILT! The Rice and Stanford of the SEC!  The Aggies get the Back to Practice Award and Lackluster Performance Award!

If I were to give a Head Coaches’ Exploding Head Award, I would have given it to Jimbo Fisher of Texas A&M. But since I did not actually view his head exploding, I am unable to do so.

Instead I will give him the Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women Award. This is because I imagine the half-time locker room opening comments to the two freshmen players went something like this:

“Listen, honey chile! Now what exactly were you thinking? This here is the SEC. And we don’t run the opening kick off out of the end zone. Ya hear me? In fact, no college football team runs the opening kickoff out of the end zone especially when you are ten yards deep INTO the endzone. OK Now? Are you listening?

Also, if your feet are on the 10-yard line when the other team is punting, we do not field it in the endzone giving the other team a safety!

And, if you EVER do it again, I will bench your sweet asses until there are splinters all the way up to your nasal passages.

Are we clear?”

Jimbo’s speech may have been shorter and louder and may have had some adjectives and maybe an expletive or two. So Jimbo gets the I Bet the Paint Peeled off the Locker Room Walls Half-time Speech Certificate.

But Aggies did limp to a victory 17 – 12. I wonder who they play next Saturday. Oh crap!


Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Welcome to the official COVID Asterisk College Football Season * We all know that whichever teams win whatever conferences and championships there will be an ASTERISK placed by their name. This due to the fact that players and coaches and other personnel are risking their assters by playing during a global pandemic. Some teams will play eight games; some will play nine; some will be postponed; some will be cancelled and so forth and so on. Like the virus, we just don’t know what will happen.

It is a season of reduced stadium capacities, cardboard fans, no tailgating, no bands and no cheer or yell leaders. Everybody on the sidelines will be wearing a mask. Referees will use their hand-held screeching device to signal starts and stops. This affords no spitting in the wind via blowing a whistle. With the presidential debates next week, I think the moderators should use a similar device. Maybe even a bull horn to shut the candidates up when their time expires.

Who plays whom and when?

The Breakfast Bunch of games at 11:00 AM are

  • Kansas State and Oklahoma on FOX in The Boomer Sooner Roll Over the Wildkats Bowl.
  • Florida and Ole Miss on ESPN in The Florida Scrimmage Bowl. It will be scrimmage for the Gators and not so much a game for the Rebels. Start the cocktails early in The Grove.
  • Kentucky and Auburn on the SEC Network in The Hill Billy Bowl. Enough said.

During the afternoon hours at the 2:30 time slot we find Mike Leach debuting as coach of the Mississippi State Bulldogs against the LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge. Watch for the Red Stick and Tigers to beat up Mike and the Bulldogs. Mikee, the stadium is called Death Valley for a reason and there are no pirates. GEAUX Tigers! Sorry, Elf and Big Solid.

Also at 2:30 we have THE University of Texas on the plains of Lubbock taking on Texas Tortilla Tech on FOX. Tech may not have a good season, but you can bet the Red Raiders will be up for Banjo Boy and the Longhorns. BEVO may catch a flying tortilla on his horns. 

West Virginia and Oklahoma State at 2:30 on ABC. Big time for the Cowboys and The Mountaineers. I hope the game is equally big time. Go Pokes!

The Georgia Bulldogs bring UGA, their mascot to meet Tusk the Razorback and the Hogs of Arkansas on the SEC Network – at least a virtual mascot meet. All mascots must wear masks and remain six feet apart. Lots of screaming red on the field, but the win goes to UGA big time.

It is now the evening and time for the big-time games. The evening starts with Alabama and Missouri on ESPN at 6:00. Saban’s Boys will roll the TIDE over Mizzu like a bulldozer on a black top tar road. If there were bands, the Alabama band could play the last quarter.

Baylor and Kansas on ESPNU at 6:30. PU is right. This will be a game of brightly colored team uniforms with low expectations. Come on. It’s Kansas. They play basketball.  Sic ‘Em, Bears!

My game of course will be Texas A&M and Vanderbilt on the SEC Alternate at 6:30. There will be no half-time performance by The Fighting Texas Aggie Band. In fact, the band will not even be in the stands. On Thursday evenings the band does a dress rehearsal and it is videoed. On game day, the percentage of fans allowed into Kyle Field and the cardboard fans will get to see the band on the big screen.

Friday’s Midnight Yell Practice is virtual. I am not certain how this is going to work. Am I supposed to stand in my living room, hump it and yell?

A! G! G! I! E! S! WHOOP! GIG ‘EM AGGIES! We shall see.


WEAR THE MASK so this will be the only ASTERICK football season!

BTHO Vanderbilt!

*All games subject to COVID.

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, October 16, 2017 – The Monday After College Football Awards

What a fun football weekend. Let’s get this party started!

SWAMP! SWAMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! Alligator tastes like Chicken Award goes to the Texas Aggie Field Goal Kicker and the Defensive Unit.

The Aggies also win the Historical Award for not having won a football game in the state of Florida since World War II.

This week I should give a Clean Undies Award because almost every team wins a Poopy Undies Award. Games are getting interesting.

Let’s back up to Friday and start with the Dysfunctional Digestive Awards.The Clemson Tiger coughed up a hairball as Clemson was upset by Otto the Orange and Syracuse 27-24.Just as the Pepto Dismal kicks in for that game Cal (Berkley) put a hippy dippy ass whopping on Mike Leach’s boys from Washington State 37-3.

The West Coast Slide Down the Rankings continued Saturday night with Washington being upset by Arizona State. 7 – 13

Saturday began with TCU and K-State in lightening delay # 1.

The Pyro Burning Sofa Award goes to West Virginia. You got admit, it is way more hillbilly to burn a sofa when your team wins than throw tortillas. Texas Tech 35 West Virginia 46.

The OOH Whee Baby Don’t you know You Set My Soul on Fire Award goes to the Tigers of LSU for their victory over Auburn. LSU 27 Auburn 23. Way to make the SEC interesting.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 2.

The Great Game Award goes to Oklahoma University and THE University of Texas. I am also awarding the Left It All on the Field Award to both teams. OU 29 and THE University of Texas 24.

TCU and K-State lightening delay # 3 through whenever and aka as WHERE is the damn Baylor/Oklahoma State game?

Finally…TCU 26 and Kansas State 6.

Then the Cowboys of Oklahoma State win the Keeping Baylor Perfect Award by winning over the hapless Bears.59-16.

The Still the One as in Number One Award goes to Alabama. In the SEC Battle of Schools Beginning the Letter A-The Tide of Alabama had no trouble rolling over the pigs of Arkansas. Note to the Arkansas Coach – Did you happen to look to the other side and see what Coach Saban was wearing? Some nice beige pants; a nice polo shirt – very classy. You, on the other side looked like a sad, red busted balloon. I know they got better clothes at Wal-Mart. Tide 41 – Hogs 9.

Now back to the SWAMP.

In the Where’s the Mute Button Category, the John Wilkes Booth Announcer Award for worse announcers goes to the ESPN-hired duet attempting to be speaking or making words for the A&M/Florida game. Yes, Beth, I am happy you know football as you do and are announcing, but your voice is that of fingernails on a chalk board. Where did you audition? Texas School for the Deaf?

And Side Kick Dude? What was your first language? I am thinking maybe not English. I stopped counting your grammatical errors in quarter one with “he should have ran out of bounds and “he throwed it to a covered receiver.”

The uniforms looked worse on TV.

The Florida Gators win two Awards for Uniforms. First they win The Invisible Blend into the Field Ugliest Uniform. They also win The New Color in the Crayola Box Award – Swamp Dirt Water Brown.

A Big Solid Award goes to Texas Aggie Tyrel Dotson for intercepting a Florida pass to end the game with an Aggie victory 19-17.

Next week: BTHO BYE WEEK!

Photo by me 1986. Old Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Demolished in 2010.

Tonight: Astros/Yankees 7:08 FS1 – Not this Year Yanks! BTHO Yankees!

Tuesday, August 22, 2017 – Yesterday – A Day to Remember – Eclectic Tuesday or A Little Something for Everyone.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017 – Yesterday – A Day to Remember – Eclectic Tuesday or A Little Something for Everyone.

What I have been told my brain looks like.

What a day to remember. Were you able to see the eclipse? I actually went outside at 1:11 CST with my two paper plates and saw the moon partially block the sun in my little shadow. I plan to be alive in 2024 when the next solar eclipse passes over Texas.

They, whoever, “they are,” say a total eclipse brings super powers. I have not selected my super power yet because I cannot decide what I want my super power to be. That changing water into wine sounds like it would a useful skill and very popular at parties, but a cloak of invisibility has potential. Right now I will settle for a Texas Aggie quarterback with superpowers.

It was the first day back to school for Bryan ISD. Apparently all went smoothly save for the usual number of students still on the school bus at 6:00 PM with parental units in an uproar at the bus barn.

Events were going well until the POTUS spoke. I kept remembering Fish Cheer from Woodstock. No I was not there.

Come on all you big strong men, Uncle Sam needs your help again. Got himself in a terrible jam, way over yonder in Afghanistan.

Historically speaking, Afghanistan is a Black Hole in the history of the world. The geography is such that no country in history has been able to achieve a victory. To even mention Pakistan is like bringing gasoline to a bonfire – an Indian one. Good luck with this, Donald John.

I have some questions. Why was it necessary to make the Afghanistan speech at Fort Myers? The Secret Service is already out of money and can’t make payroll. Do you plan to give your salary to them or continue to charge them? How about those 700 plus government officials recently kicked out of Russia? Can your savings on that payroll be transferred to the Secret Service?

What else? I forgot to mention another new award I plan to give on my Monday After Saturday College Football Awards. This is the Dreadlocks Award. Fake News Sports reports that athletes with dreadlocks run 2.6 seconds faster than athletes that do not sport dreadlocks.

Did you read HWIT last week about the finalists for fried foods at the Texas State Fair? Texas Monthly published photos of them. Here is the Funnel Cake Bacon Queso Burger.

You can click on the link to view the other so called foods. http://www.texasmonthly.com/the-daily-post/agony-ecstasy-state-fair-food-finalists/

The article is pretty funny. I am sorry – Fried chicken Noodle Soup on a Stick and Pinot Noir Popcorn and tamale filled donuts are just wrong.

The Gulf Coast Fish Bowl looks like something I made in the third grade and gave my Mother for Mother’s Day. It has a straw in it. It could be brown salt water.

If you do go The State Fair of Texas and take your grandchildren, please send your photos of one of these dishes- preferably including a selfie. Remember to say Hi to Big Tex. This means you Mr. and Mrs. Tedder.