Monthly Archives: November 2021

Monday, November 29, 2021 – My Late, but Still Monday College Football Awards

Monday, November 29, 2021 – My Late, but Still Monday College Football Awards

To Baylor and to Oklahoma State: Congratulations! Good Luck in the Big 12 Game. Both of you win the Good Game Award.

And to every other team that played on Saturday: Each of you receive the Hoover Vacuum Award because you all sucked!

To the Texas Aggie Nation: Please return the defibrillators to their appropriate location.

Friday, November 26, 2021 – Snarky Friday

Friday, November 26, 2021 – Snarky Friday

Obviously with games being played on Thursday and Friday, I am late in getting my snarks in for Saturday.

IT’S RIVALRY WEEK! This usually means the State school and the Land Grant School meet in a bitter rivalry in some strange bowl name.

For example: Ole Miss (University of Mississippi) and Mississippi State played on Thanksgiving. This game is called The Egg Bowl. It began in 1927. There was a huge fight after the Ole Miss (not to be confused the Young Miss) defeated Mississippi State, which was originally called Mississippi A&M.

Ole Miss fans rushed the field with some trying to tear the goalposts down. State fans did not take well to the Ole Miss fans destroying their property and fights broke out. Some State fans defended the goal posts with wooden chairs, and several injuries were reported. According to one account:

“Irate State supporters took after the ambitious Ole Miss group with cane bottom chairs, and fights broke out. The mayhem continued until most of the chairs were splintered.”

Wait. I got confused and thought I was writing about a Texas Tech game. Sorry.

To prevent such events in the future, students of the two schools created the “Golden Egg,” a large trophy which has been awarded to the winning team each year since 1927. The trophy is a large football-shaped brass piece mounted to a wooden base and traditionally symbolizes supremacy in college football in the state of Mississippi for the year. The footballs used in the 1920s were considerably more ovoid and blunter than those in use today and similar to the balls still used in rugby. So the trophy resembles an egg rather a football of today. The trophy more resembles an egg than a football. Personally, I attribute the odd design to the educational system in the state. Ole Miss won The Egg Bowl last night by defeating Mississippi State 31 to 21.

Kansas State at texas university.  Looks like BEVO just closed out their dismal season with a win and snapping a six game losing streak. Kansas State 17 texas university 22.

There are more games on TV this afternoon and this evening, but I do not want to waste any snark on them. On to Saturday.

Two Big Games at 11:00 and probably worth getting up for.

On FS1 we have The BUTT Bowl between Baylor University and The Beer Can Throwing Tortilla Tossing Referee Outing Neither state nor land-grant Texas Tech University. Sic ‘Em Bears but watch yourself.

Ohio State and Michigan – Another big game at 11:00 am on Fox. You can bet on ugly helmets and maybe ugly uniforms for both teams.

2:30 on CBS we have Alabama and Auburn in The Iron Bowl.

Speaking of fights… Following Reconstruction (Is Reconstruction considered Critical Race Theory?) Anyway, the Alabama  Congress fought for over four years regarding the location of the land grant school. The location was finally decided it would be in the City of Auburn.

The first Iron Bowl, so named because of the iron industry, game was played in Birmingham in 1893. Auburn won, 32-22. Because of a disagreement the two teams stopped playing after the 1907 season. They didn’t resume playing until 1948 after the Alabama Congress threatened the schools with a loss of funding. Love that Alabama Legislature.

The two teams play for the  Foy–ODK Trophy is named after James E. Foy, a former dean of students at Auburn, and Omicron Delta Kappa, an honor society on both campuses since the 1920s. It ranks up there with Phi Beta Kappa and other pseudo secret societies for really smart people. I know. I am having trouble visualizing a chapter on the Auburn campus too.

This should be a good one. In 1995 the Atlanta Braves won the World Series and Auburn won the Iron Bowl. The Atlanta Braves won the 2021 World Series. Just saying.

IT’S BEDLAM in Oklahoma! Oklahoma State (the land grant school) welcomes the state University of  Oklahoma at 6:30 on ABC. The Big 12 Title and more is on the line. Go Pokes!

At 6:00 on ESPN The land grant Fighting Texas Aggies visit the land grant Louisiana Fighting Tigers. I do not think this rivalry has a bowl name yet. May I suggest The Overtime Bowl?

The teams are playing in Death Valley, and it is the last game for Coach Orgeron. The Tigers will come out with fire in their eyes.

From the Oak Ridge Boys…

This is down in the swampland, anything goes
It’s alligator bait and the bars don’t close
It’s the real thing down in Louisiana
Did you ever see a Cajun when he really got mad
When he really got trouble like a daughter (or a team) gone bad
It gets real hot down in Louisiana
The stranger better move it or he’s gonna get killed
He’s gonna have to get it or a shotgun will
It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches
There ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.

I hope the Aggies do not become alligator bait. And I hope the Aggies can leave Louisiana in the broad day light.


Thursday, November 25, 2021 – Snarky Friday Preview

Thursday, November 25, 2021 – Snarky Friday Preview

As you digest the turkey and dressing, don’t forget The University of Mississippi is hosted by Mississippi State in Starkeville on ESPN at 6:30.

Grab your popcorn, Kiffy! Let’s go Bulldogs! Air Raid, Mike!

Happy Thanksgiving!  

Monday, November 22, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, November 22, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards

It is difficult to put together an awards post today since I did not watch any day football games. Nevertheless here are my awards for Week 12.

Hair Dryer Awards for Blow Outs go to:

  • Texas A&M 52 Prairie View A&M 3
  • Georgia 55 Charleston South 7
  • Mississippi State 55 Tennessee State 10
  • Kentucky 56 New Mexico State 16
  • Ohio State 56 Michigan State 7
  • ND 55 Georgia Tech 0

The You Lost to Who Award? goes to

  • Florida 23 Missouri 24 – And we send the U-Haul Truck to Coach Dan Mullens
  • South Carolina 21 Auburn 17 – The Second Half Fall Apart Award goes to Auburn
  • Oregon 7 Utah 38 – The Ducks could not handle the Utes.
  • Texas 23 West Virginia 31 – Oh texas! I cannot even give you a capital T. You also receive The No Bowl Award for 2021.

These were the only games I actually saw.

Arkansas 35 Alabama 42 – I must give the Hogs The Jolly Good Try for actually giving Bama all they good handle. Alabama? I am giving you the Salsa Award because you are going to have to pick up the Pace.

Oklahoma State 23 Texas Tech 0 – In the typical Tech fashion, the entire team, fans, and anybody else wearing black and red receive the ZERO Award for being total zeros regarding sportsmanship. Last week the Tech announcers were put on hold for not only criticizing the refereeing group on air, but then giving out their names on air.

This week you cause a delay of the game not once, but twice for throwing tortillas and beer cans onto the field. You receive the NO Respect Award because you do not even respect your home field. No wonder every team hates to go to Lubbock.

Monday, November 15, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, November 15, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards

There are only a few awards for this week because, well, I don’t know. It’s just short.

A&M 19 – Ole Miss 29 – Let’s get it over with and start with the Texas Aggies receiving the John Greenleaf Whittier Award. For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.” Nevertheless, The 12th Man still stands.

But on to happier things.

Alabama 59 New Mexico State 3 – You are not getting an award for this blowout. You may have a cupcake. I know the cafeteria workers played the last five minutes.

Arkansas 16 LSU 13 in Overtime. Let’s give both teams a Participation Certificate and a Poopy Undies Award. There is always Thanksgiving to think about.

Iowa State 38 Texas Tech 41 – Tech wins the Kicker Award for kicking a 62 yard field goal to win the game. Of course in typical Tech fashion, Tech receives the Police Escort Award for security having to escort their fans (i.e. students) from the stadium for throwing trash (could it be tortillas?) on to the field.

Speaking of sportsmanship, OU claims poor sportsmanship on Baylor for kicking a late field goal. What else you got, OU? Here, you can take home, the Boy, Am I Pissed Off Award. Let me “take one second” and give Baylor Second Place in the Best of the Best Award. OU 14 Baylor 27.

Mississippi State 43 Auburn 34 – I am giving the entire Bulldog team the Best of the Best Award. Air Raid Mike does it again! It was the last flight of the Auburn War Eagle. Just like the first war eagle, this one (as in team) took a nose dive and died in the end zone. So much for the Iron Bowl.

Kansas 57 Texas 56 OT – I am awarding the entire team of Kansas Jayhawks the Even Better Than the Best Award. I am awarding texas an album from the group, Kansas. And horns? You also receive the “Is My Face Red” Embarrassment Award for not only losing to Kansas, but in DKR Memorial Stadium in Austin and in OT. The SEC would like to revoke the invitations to both OU and TU.

Friday, November 12, 2021 – Week Eleven of College Football Presents Snarky Friday.

Friday, November 12, 2021 – Week Eleven of College Football Presents Snarky Friday.

We are getting closer to seeing which teams will go bowling and which teams will be in the weight room getting ready for next season. As usual I only snark on teams that I like and teams that play teams that I like. And recall, that I am an equal opportunity Snark. I only like a few teams this week.

In the unholy hour for football at 11:00 AM we find the following:

Oklahoma at Baylor on Fox. The Bears better be a praying for a Miracle on the Brazos. It has happened before. However, you might want to pray that the Boomer Sooner Schooner School all test positive for Covid. Sic ‘Em Bears!

New Mexico State at Alabama on the SECN. Whaaat? Why is your cupcake game against New Mexico State? Granted it is The Land of Enchantment, but there ain’t nothing going to be enchanting in Tuscaloosa. Roll Tide!

Michigan at Penn State on ABC. Michigan goes to Happy Town or Happy Time, or wherever Penn State is located. I hope the Nittany Lions are indeed Happy in Happy at the end of the game.

Mississippi State at Auburn on ESPN. To State Fans: Just in case you missed it last week, Auburn lost, and they are going to be pissed when they take the field. Just saying.

We have two goodies at 2:30. Set phasers on Upset.

Georgia at Tennessee at 2:30 CBS .

Wish that I was on ol’ Rocky Top
Down in the Tennessee hills
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top
Ain’t no telephone bills

Rocky Top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me
Good ol’ Rocky Top
Rocky Top, Tennessee
Rocky Top, Tennessee

I would wear those ugly orange and white strip overalls if Tennessee could upset Georgia and throw the entire playoff system into chaos. May the ghost of Peyton Manning haunt the field.

Purdue at Ohio State at 2:30 ABC. Can the Boilermakers do it for a fourth time? May the ghost of Drew Brees haunt the field and dot the I in the OHIO band.

In the evening your choices are:

Arkansas at LSU at 6:30 on SECN. This could be a good one. Both teams have much to prove, and LSU is blazing trying to make Coach O’s last games wins.

And last and certainly least, we have Rock Chalk Jayhawk Kansas at Texas University at 6:30 on ESPNU. The Horns are not getting a great deal of video footage for the Longhorn Network because you are not winning. This is your chance. It may be your only chance to finish with a win.

Of course the game of the week that has repercussions up and down the Top 25 is

Texas A&M at Ole Miss 6:00 on ESPN.

As previously, we must know things about the opponent. Read on for the history.

When it chartered the University of Mississippi on February 24, 1844, the Mississippi Legislature laid the foundation for public higher education in the state. The legislature is still laying the foundation for any type of education in the state.

The University was used as a Confederate hospital during the American Civil War. General Ulysses S. Grant’s army almost burned it down.

The University of Mississippi has gone through several mascots as the times changed. For years, the mascot was Colonel Reb, a plantation looking owner carrying a cane.

I would explain more but I want to avoid being accused of teaching Critical Race Theory.

But in 2003 (They kept the plantation guy until 2003???) the student body voted to change the mascot. It was initially a black bear called Rebel Bear, but the bear did not last long because it had no meaningful association with the state or the University. No bears in Mississippi. So, Ole Miss adopted the mascot, Tony the Landshark because it has a meaningful association because there are so many landsharks in the state. Actually, the Ole Miss defense came up with the name.

There was a race riot on the Ole Miss campus in 1962 when James Meredith, was the first black man to enroll. Again, I wish I could give you more history, but Critical Race Theory.

The university’s byname “Ole Miss” dates to 1897, when it was the winning entry of a contest held to solicit suggestions for a yearbook title. The term “Ole Miss” originated as a title domestic slaves used to distinguish the mistress of the plantation from the “young misses”. Nothing like having the name of the university continuing antebellum thoughts. This might be CRT too.

If you can change the mascots, why not change the name. I submit the following as the new name for the University of Mississippi. The University of Manning. You could have the Archie School, the Eli School and even the Cooper School. Think about it.

So Hotty Toddy to Ole Miss, but the Texas Aggies are coming. To Aggie QB Calzada. DO NOT SLIDE HEAD FIRST! But I’m sure Jimbo has gently said something similar.

Kiffer? Do you ever modify your facial expression? Or is the look of being lost or stoned just a permanent expression? You are going to need lots of popcorn, this week, Kiffy!

But be careful, Aggies. Do not open the door if you hear from the other side “Candygram.” It’s a Landshark!!

BTHO Ole Miss

Monday, November 8, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 8, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Today the Week Ten Awards Show consists of songs dedicated to each team.

The only big award today is The Ugly Uniform Award, and it goes to TCU. Those uniforms look like SMU, Ole Miss and Cincinnati uniforms were washed together in magic washing powders and all the colors mixed together. Was it supposed to be mourning garb for Patterson’s leaving?

Today everyone receives a song to make their playlist. I might have changed a few lyrics.

For the upsets, each of these teams receive Patsy Cline’s version of

Faded Love

Wake Forest 55 – UNC 58

Mississippi State 28 Arkansas 31

But onward thru the fog…

Baylor 28 and TCU 30

Baylor song – U2 – Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

TCU song – Elton John – Good bye Yellow Brick Road

Liberty 14 and Ole Miss 27  

Liberty – if you only play for what you need, you needed more.

Liberty Song – To Liberty and Coach Hugh Freeze, just Let It Go since you were Frozen.

Ole Miss – Popcorn Dance by Hot Butter. It’s like an ancient episode of Think You Can Dance. I think this could be the new Ole Miss song.

Purdue 40 and Michigan State 29

Purdue song – Lionel Richie – Once Twice, Three Times an Upset

Michigan State song – The Beatles – Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.

Texas 7 at Iowa State 30

Iowa State song – Tornado by Little Big Town

Texas song – The Eagles – Desperado

Alabama 20 at LSU 14  

Alabama song – Jack Scott – What In The World’s Come Over You?

LSU song – Police – Every breath you take; every move you make I’ll be watching you. Nothing can make a successful season for LSU more than an upset.

Texas A&M 20 and Auburn

A&M wins the Louise and George Jefferson Award  

Aggie song – cause ‘we moving on up in the West Side – we finally got a piece of the pie!

Additional songs include Scoop there is it by Tag Team and We Put a Nix on You by Creedence Clearwater Revival for the Aggie Defense.

Auburn song – The Happenings – See You in September – Bye-bye, so long, farewell; Bye-bye, so long; See you, in the Iron Bowl; see you, when the season’s through.

BTHO Ole Miss!The Aggies are coming to Oxford with popcorn and ready to kick butt, and we are all out of popcorn! And we ain’t dancing to no popcorn dance either. WHOOP!

Friday, November 5, 2021 – Snarky Friday for Week Ten

Friday, November 5, 2021 – Snarky Friday for Week Ten

There could be a whole lotta shaking going on this week. Since I don’t really care about the other teams in the mix, you can check those out yourself.

The following teams will be on my screens this weekend. Therefore I have selected the one which to snark.

Who is up for the early game? Liberty at Ole Miss at 11:00 on the SEC Network. Liberty Liberty Liberty! Lemu, Emu and Doug! Not that Liberty? Actually that is a relief. I thought we would have to watch the obnoxious commercials even more. The mascot for the Lynchburg, Virginia school is (are)The Flames – as in Hell, I think.

This is an interesting match-up. Hotty Toddy, the Ole Miss crowd has not even finished their first bloody Mary in The Grove by 11:00 AM. Speaking of The Grove and Liberty, I guess they won’t be serving sex on the beach drinks before or after the game. The Liberty coach, Hugh Freeze used to coach at Ole Miss. Nevertheless, it is in my best interest to pull for Liberty. Let’s go Freezing Flames!

The 2:30 games have much on the line.

I will not be watching, but you have Tulsa at Cincinnati at 2:30 on ESPN. Tulsa? This is why you are Number six in the rankings, Cincinnati. You must play a power team. The Tulsa Hurricanes do not count. Isn’t Tulsa landlocked?

The Big 12 games of interest are at 2:30.

Baylor visits Fort Worth to play TCU. Kick off is at 2:30 on Fox. The Patterson less Horn Frogs could spew blood from their eyes (that is what they do) if Baylor does not take care of business Saturday and dreams about OU. Therefore, I am piping in Bachman – Turner Over Drive on the bus to Fort Worth – to remind you that it is time to be Takin’Care of Business.

Oklahoma State at West Virginia at 2:30 on ESPN. West Virginia tries to maintain the top of the bottom four of the Big 12. Oklahoma State tries to make Bedlam interesting.

Mississippi State goes to Arkansas. They kick off at 3:00 on the SEC Network. Go State!

LSU plays Alabama play on ESPN in Tuscaloosa. Even LSU let Coach O finish the season. Do not let down your guard.

That’s it. Wait. It seems as though I have left out a couple. Here we are.

It took me a while to find the University of Texas game since the team is not in the Top 25. Aah! The game is in Ames, Iowa. The Horns visit Iowa State at 6:30 on FS1. The Game in Ames Stays Mainly on the Plains! Texas also tries to be the top of the bottom four of the Big 12 Conference.

Lastly, but truly a game of consequences for many and with many eyes watching is Auburn University visits Texas A&M University. Auburn at TAMU at 2:30 on CBS.

It is important to know certain things about one’s opponent. I read a history of Auburn University and will now share my thoughts.

Originally the school was called The East Alabama Male College and was founded in 1856. In 1871 the name was changed to Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama, and it became a land grant school. In 1899 the name was changed again to the Alabama Polytechnic Institute.  In 1960 the name was officially changed to Auburn. 1960!

I understand that there were several fires in the libraries during the early years. In one fire all fifteen of the books were burnt to a crisp. The librarians were able to save five of the books that had not been colored in.

Auburn’s name comes from the 1770 poet, Oliver Goldsmith. The opening line from The Deserted Village is,

“Sweet Auburn, loveliest village of the plain, where health and plenty cheared the labouring swain.”

The gist of the poem the idealization of life that is being destroyed by the loss of agrarian ways of life due to greed of landlords, economic and political change. Too bad that book didn’t burn in the library fires.

Who in the Flames of Liberty names an institution of higher education from a line a poem? An old poem by an Irishman written in the 18th century! One named Deserted Village? It was 1960 and this was the best you could come up with? What were the other options? “Call me, Ishamel” was not available?

Finally the mascot. Auburn’s mascot is a Tiger. Its name is Aubie. It is a person in a tiger outfit that spends time twirling his tail.

War Eagle is battle cry. Here is the alleged origin.

A Civil War veteran found an injured eagle on the battle field. He took it home and kept it for over 30 years. At the 1892 game between the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Alabama and Georgia, the veteran brought the eagle to the game. Who brings a bird of prey to a football game? This was somewhat of an indicator of the level of education being offered at the time.

The bird got loose (after 30 years I would go for it too) and circled the field, just as the Alabama A&M team reached the end zone. Fans began to cheer “WAR EAGLE!”  I think the bird made a few more circles and swoops and then took a sudden nose dive into the ground and was dead. The chant remained. So I suppose War Eagle is better than Dead Bird.

So Auburn! Bring your labouring swain to Kyle Field because The 12th Man has health and will cheer plenty.


Monday, November 1, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Nine

Monday, November 1, 2021 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Nine

Happy Post Halloween. There were tricks and treats this weekend.

First a treat – Mississippi State 31-Kentucky 17. Mike the Pirate does it again and wins the ARRR Talk Like a Pirate Award!

Now a trick – SMU 37- University of Houston 44. The University of Houston wins The Run It Back Award and Run Forrest Run Award for taking the football after the kickoff by SMU that tied the game and running from his end zone 100 yards to win the game with 17 seconds left. This left the poor, little rich kids stunned. So Ponies, you receive the Stun Gun Award.

Another treat – Auburn 31 – Ole Miss 20. Lane the Kiffer wins The Analytics Award for going for on Fourth Down three times and being stopped three times for no points on the scoreboard. Both teams share The Thank You Award from the Texas Aggies.

Here’s a list of treats.

Georgia 34 -Florida 7 – The Gators win Once Their Was a Time We Were Good Award. Coach Mullins wins the Better Call the Fire Department Award because your seat is getting hot. To the Dawgs, you win the Sweet Georgia Brown Award because – No gal made has a got a shade on sweet Georgia Brown. No team can throw shade to Georgia. But the Tide could come Rolling in.

Cincinnati 31 – Tulane 12. The Bearkats win the Still Undefeated, but No Style Points Award. And your schedule is weak.

Michigan 33 – Michigan State 37 – Sparky wins The Big Chill Award. Michigan also wins a Thank You Award from the Texas Aggies.

Texas Tech 21 – Oklahoma University 52. OU wins the Hey Look Us Over, We Finally Got It Together Award. Tortilla Tech wins the Help Wanted Award.

Also winning the Help Wanted Award is TCU. The Frogs lose to Kansas State 31 to 12 and Head Coach, Gary Patterson, throws in the towel.

Iowa State 31 – West Virginia 38 – The Mountaineers win the Burn the Couches Award. Of course, anytime WVa wins the team receives The John Denver Award for Almost Heaven, West Virginia.

But the best treat of the Halloween weekend was:

Baylor 31 and THE University of Texas 24  – Baylor not only wins the game, but also wins The Costume Award – Baptist Nuns.

To the University of Texas (No longer THE University) – Bevo wins The Tent Award. Like a tent, Horns were light weight, foldable and collapsible.

The University of Texas also receives The Rolling Stone Award for “how does it feel to be on your own, like a complete unknown?”

Do not get discouraged, Horns. There are three games left and you only have to win two of them to become bowl eligible and one of the teams is Kansas. That is the good news. The bad news is the other teams are Iowa State and West Virginia.

Ten years ago, in September of 2011 the Regents of Texas A&M University voted to leave the Big 12 Football Conference and move to the Southeastern Conference. How has that move worked out? See for yourself.

Welcome to the SEC, Texas. Perhaps it is not too late to rethink the move.