EDU 601 Professional Development
EDU 601 – What? You thought the Home School only went to Grade 12? Wrong.
Assignment: Design a first day orientation professional development for the incoming freshman of the United States Congress.
Good morning and welcome to Washington D.C. the seat of the government of the United States of America. This translates in any language to the greatest democracy and greatest nation in the world. My name is Brenda Redwinestein, your lead instructor.
Will the 87 of you newly elected representatives open your government provided IPADs and open the file titled Opening Remarks? This contains academic and biographical information about your instructors. These slides will also serve as an introduction of the agenda.
As you can see from the PowerPoint slide with my bio on it that I graduated from Stephen F. Austin State University, Sam Houston State University and Texas A&M University.
A question from the representative from Texas? No, I did not attend the George H.W. Bush School. It was a pig farm when I attended.
After our introductions I will begin by presenting The Difference Between C-a-p-i-t-A-l and C-a-p-i-t-O-l. Capital is The Place. Capitol is the Domed building.
Please continue by moving to the next slide. Note my assistant, Dr. Abdula Oblongata III. Dr. Oblongata received his PhD from Harvard University in Global Media Communications. He and his parents and grand parents were born in Chicago. He is not an anchor baby. Dr. Oblongata will conduct a session this morning entitled, “News sources other than Fox News.”
We are fortunate today to have with us Dr. Wing Flung Doo from Taiwan. Dr. Doo will give you a tour of the tunneling infrastructure in hopes you will be able to find not only your office, but you will be able to find your way from your office to the House of Representatives located in the south wing of the Capitol. Note you have a map on your IPAD.
Also with me today is Dr. Lydia Rivas-Buffet, Economics Professor at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Yes, the representative from Florida? No, she is not Jimmy or Warren Buffet’s adopted child.
Dr. Rivas-Buffet’s family for three, no four generations, are formerly from Arizona. They all live in Texas now. Dr. Rivas-Buffet will demonstrate basic mathematical principles of addition, subtraction, division and multiplication. A critical understanding of basic mathematical operations will be vital for budget discussions. Other numerical examples are: There are 87 of you and 348 of Them for a total of 435. While this means you newbies are representing one-fourth of the representatives, it also means three-fourths are seasoned politicians. Dr. Rivas will also conduct a statistical analysis of the likelihood that any of you will be appointed to important committees and that any of your agendas will be heard.
Also on the instructional team is Oprah Winfrey Washington. Like her name sake, Ms. Washington knows everybody you will need to know. This includes secretaries, staff members, members of the opposition, lobbyists, special interest groups and political action committee members. She will instruct you on Tweeting Without Legal and Career Ending Ramifications.
The man in the burgundy satin tights, silver sequined vest and pink feather boa is Dr. Curtis J. Matthews from the prestigious New York school – Political Preparation for Drama and Theatre. He will assist this week, not only in wardrobe selection, but is responsible for the role playing activities to prepare you to interact with the lobbyists, special interests groups, lawyers, bar tenders, prostitutes, homosexuals, pro choice, anti choice, big government, liberals, conservatives, libertarians, librarians, lesbians, Lebanese, tree huggers, whale-savers, rain forest lovers … you can continue the next two slides to see others you will need to deal with.
Now your first task.
Open the file on your IPAD entitled THE DOCUMENT. Read the United States Constitution. I know for some of you, especially the three dozen of you who have never held an office, this will be difficult. Please read the entire document and not just the parts you spout out of context. Please note there are more amendments that the first two.
Be prepared to answer “What are the duties assigned to the House of Representatives?” Make a grid showing your agenda and which constitutional duties of the House they fall under.
In addition be prepared to discuss “How A Bill Becomes Law” and “How an Amendment Becomes Law” Assignments without timelines will not be submitted to the Speaker of the House for consideration.
We hope you have a great time in Washington. In summary, look at it this way. You have no plans to compromise. Your fellow Republicans have no plans. So you can’t be too far apart.
Good luck. May The Force you think you are, Be With You. Are there any questions before we dismiss?
When do we get to meet Sarah Palin?