Tag Archives: Alabama

Monday, November 27, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on November 28, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, November 27, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Win or lose every team that played this weekend gets a Great Game Award. Every fan from every team gets a Poopy Undies Award. Since it was such a wild and crazy weekend, the undies come with a portable oxygen tank. It was such a wild weekend in college football I do not know where to begin.

Coaches

Texas Aggies – We got a new coach. No. Wait. We Stooped too soon. We don’t have a new coach. Wait Ohio State lost to Michigan AGAIN. What about him? No. Wait. Now we have a new coach.

From the Bryan Eagle – Mike Elko arrived in College Station by plane just after 2 a.m. Monday. He was accompanied by his family and several A&M athletics administrators, including athletic director Ross Bjork.  

See RL! I told you he would come in the dead of night. Lessons learned.

Several coaches were relieved of their head coaching duties, including University of Houston, Dana Holgorsen Mississippi State’s Zach Arnett. Told you Dana was not going to make at UofH.

Games

Texas Aggies – Great game against LSU. LSU scored 42 points with a Heisman hopeful quarterback while TAMU scored 30 points with a third string quarterback. Therefore, I award the Aggies the Way to Hang Award! And I do hope Jaxon Daniels win the Heisman.

Kansas State and Iowa State both receive the Football Snow Globe Award. Iowa State slides in the snow to win 42 to 35.

And now to the miracles…

Oklahoma State goes to the Big 12 Championship by defeating BYU 34 to 40 in Double OT in the cold and rain as testified by GNiece #1 (a very loyal OSU Grad) and hubby Michael, who is not an OSU grad and looks at wife with great love and she’s crazy look). BTHO UT and FYI – Jerry World is covered. Go Pokes!

And with a fourth and goal from the 31, with Auburn statistically a 99% winning chance, the Miracle of Rolling Tide takes place. Milroe somehow found Isaiah Bond in the back corner of the end zone, and the PAT gave the Tide a 27-24 lead.

At this point I am fairly certain that JH, and all of the other Bama Alumni, fainted.  

Given the Ole Miss and Mississippi State game on Thursday night and the Texas AA&M and LSU game on Saturday, plus the Holy #$%@ for the miracle games, the Big Solid Swear Jar had over $20. I think the season has collected over $200. Damn it, I must cuss a lot during football games. I have not finalized where the money will go. I am down to two places and will probably give $100 to each. $100 to the Brazos Valley Food Bank and $100 to Aggieland Humane Society.  Thank you Big Solid.

Happy Monday. Stay warm. Be sweet and be kind to yourself! You deserve it.

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Friday, November 24, 2023 – Snarky Friday Slip Sliding Away

Posted on November 24, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, November 24, 2023 – Snarky Friday Slip Sliding Away

I do hope your yesterday was filled with family, friends, food, fun, and football and you gave thanks for all.

My apologies for being late. I was doing my Black Friday shopping. Packages will arrive on Tuesday. Was looking for possible engagement gifts for Taylor and Travis.

It is Rivalry Weekend. For many fans that means – At last the crappy football season is finally over, bringing either no bowl games or really crappy bowl games that help the T-shirt industry.

Last evening, the Dart hit the bullseye and busted the egg as Ole Miss defeated Mississippi State in The Egg Bowl 17 to 7 and thus ending a year to be forgotten for State.

TCU and OU are currently playing. The Sooner Schooner seems to be squashing the frogs. It is 42 to 13 at halftime.

I must hurry to get a snark in for THE University of Texas and Tortilla Tech who play tonight at 6:30 on ABC. TU! Remember there are two halves to the football game and you must play at the same level in both halves. To Tortilla Tossers! May there be the ghost of Michael Crabtree with a final second catch for a winning touchdown!

Tomorrow

We gotcha Iron Bowl between Alabama and Auburn on CBS at 2:30. Gary Danielson is already talking and being biased toward Alabama.

The school of Cornelius Vanderbilt will play the SEC UT (Tennessee) at 2:30 on SECN.

Georgia and the Rambling Wrecks from Georgia Tech play at 6:30 on ABC. UGA? Watch out for the young man from Longview, Texas playing QB for GT.

Saturday morning starts with THE GAME as Ohio State travels to Ann Arbor for The Big Chill game with Michigan on Fox at 11:00. No sign stealing but should be a good game. Somebody goes home undefeated. Somebody goes home with a single loss. If that one loss is Ohio State, does that mean the Texas Aggies will come calling?

Speaking of Aggies. The Aggies travel to the bayou to meet the LSU Tigers in Death Valley. This game is at 11:00 am (think drunks in the stands) on ESPN. This will be a defining game for both teams. An Aggie win means “Hey, New Coach? Look what we can still do!” An LSU means “Next year, we will be even better when Arch Manning arrives!” Okay. I made up that last part.

Be nice to people. Be nice to yourself.

BTHO LSU!

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Friday, November 17, 2023 – Snarky Friday

Posted on November 18, 2023 | Leave a comment

Friday, November 17, 2023 – Snarky Friday

It is Snarky Friday and I must say that the entire weekend of college football is just One Big Snark. No team of any interest is playing anybody.

The Texas Aggies try to salvage whatever is left of the season with a cupcake game against Abilene Christian University. Trust me on this – Abilene is not the prettiest town you’ve ever seen. I am unable to comment on whether the women there don’t treat you mean. This game is so uninteresting that it is not on TV and is at 11:00 in the morning. I suppose that does leave more time for searching for a coach.

Here is what I am thinking. Texas A&M has this campus about ten miles from the main campus called The RELLIS campus. RELLIS stands for the core values of Texas A&M University. These are: respect, excellence, leadership, loyalty, integrity, and selfless service. RELLIS is the first integrated education, research and testing institution in the state of Texas. That translates to lots of big science, stuff going on.

I think the scientists who work at the RELLIS campus should develop a Winning Football Coach for Texas A&M. With advancements in DNA, cloning and robotics I think this could be done. I think various parts should be taken from Bear Bryant, Jackie Sherrill, Tom Landry, John Heisman and Knute Rockne.

Paul (Bear) Bryant, 323-85-17 career record
Maryland (1945; 6-2-1 record), Kentucky (1946-53; 60-23-5), Texas A&M (1954-57; 25-14-2) and Alabama (1958-1982); Bryant won two national championships at Alabama in the 1960s playing one-platoon football. He won three more in the 1970s playing several platoons, waves of players on each side of the ball. He won throwing the ball. He won running the ball. As the Texas philosopher/football coach Bum Phillips, a one-time Bryant assistant at Texas A&M, said, “He could take his’n and beat your’n, and he could take your’n and beat his’n.” He made players out of boys and head coaches out of assistants.

Why? He won National Championships!

 Jackie Sherrill, 180-120-4
Washington State (1976; 3-8), Pittsburgh (1977-81; 50-9-1), Texas A&M (1982-1988; 52-28-1) and Mississippi State (1991-2003; 75-75-2)

After winning two national titles as a player under Bear Bryant at Alabama, Sherrill was a head coach for 26 years, finishing in the top 10 of the AP poll on six occasions. He led Pittsburgh to three straight 11-1 seasons from 1979-81, capping the ’81 season with a Sugar Bowl win over Georgia. Sherrill directed Texas A&M to three Southwest Conference titles and Cotton Bowl appearances from 1985-87.

Why? He won Conference Titles! And he started the 12th Man Kickoff, which is now the individual who wears the number 12 on the kick-off team.

Tom Landry – Tom Landry, was the Dallas Cowboys coach who led America’s Team to five Super Bowls and was famous for pacing the sidelines for three decades wearing a stone face, business suit and felt hat.

Why? Granted, Coach Landry did not coach football, but he did attend the University of Houston and is from Mission, Texas. He won five Super Bowls. Besides, I think a stone face, business suit, felt hat would add class to the side lines.

John William Heisman He served as the head football coach at Oberlin College, Buchtel College (now known as the University of Akron), Auburn University, Clemson University, Georgia Tech, the University of Pennsylvania, Washington & Jefferson College, and Rice University, compiling a career college football record of 186–70–18.

Why? He is considered a pioneer of southern football. There is a trophy named after him annually given to the best college football player. I want more than two of them in a trophy case at Texas A&M.

Knute Rockne, 105-12-5
Notre Dame (1918-30)

Rockne created modern coaching. He was a brilliant tactician, to be sure, but he also created the coach as CEO. He marketed his small, Midwestern Catholic institution in America’s biggest cities, taking his team to where the immigrant Catholics could root for them. He applied his motivational skills to business as a top executive for Studebaker cars — while he coached. And Notre Dame kept winning. He had five unbeaten seasons and won four national titles (1919, 1924, 1929 and 1930). Rockne’s winning percentage of .881 remains first among FBS coaches nearly a century after he died in a plane crash in 1931 at age 43.

Why? Granted, I am not a Notre Dame fan. But Rockne remains the winningest college coach of all of college football. Besides, I think it goes well with “Hullabaloo K-Nute, K-Nute…”

So, let’s get those microscopes, petri dishes, DNA cells, organic chemistry, cosmic goo, realistic robotics and get a good mix of Bryant, Sherrill, Landry, Heisman and Rockne cells growing. You have five years and the amount of Jimbo’s buyout to complete the task. Please try to have results sooner and under budget. And maybe as a by-product – can you please grow a strong-armed quarterback that can finish a season without being injured?

Happy Thanksgiving. Be safe. Gig ‘Em Aggies.

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Monday, October 23, 2023 – My Very Few Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 23, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, October 23, 2023 – My Very Few Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Just when you thought it was safe to move to a movie streaming channel, college football sent a few glimmers of hope.

But first, let me update you on Taylor Swift and Jason Kelce because I know you find it as interesting as I do. Miss Swift was seen in the Kansas City Chiefs box doing high fives with the NFL wives.

Moving on –

Let’s start with my favorite blabber mouth, Gary Danielson from CBS. I award Mr. Danielson the Beetlejuice Award. If you say three times that the Tennessee receiver juggled the ball, it will not become a touchdown. Nevertheless, it was a touchdown.

I also award Mr. Danielson the Program Program Get Your Program Award in order to know the players names. The Tennessee player’s name is Kamal Hadden. Not once, but twice, you referred to him as Kamala Harris. She is the Vice President of the United States. While I am sure there is “other duties as assigned” in her job description, playing football for Tennessee is not one of them.

To the Alabama football team I award you The Half-Time Come Back Award. What is in that Alabama Go Go Juice you drink at half-time? I need help with the cigar tradition. J. H.? Do you know? Alabama 34   UT20

Also receiving the Come Back Award is Oklahoma University.  OU 31 UCF 29.

To the referees calling THE University of Texas and The University of Houston I award you the Brown Fecal Spot Award for providing the worst ever spot of the football for U of H.  It is my understanding that the ball is placed where the runner is stopped and not where the runner is pushed back. This looks like the old Darryl K. Royal “make sure Texas wins” referee bribe. You must go way back for that. TU 31 and UH 24.

Sadly, I must award the Texas QB Another One Bites the Dust and move him to the Year of the Injured Quarterback. Seriously, I hope it is not serious. But do not put in The Arch.

I am awarding Tortilla Tech the Welcome Wagon Award. Once again the Throwers of Tortillas were the showers of good sportsmanship when a TT player was ejected for spitting on a BYU player. This was the first time since 1940 TT and BYU met. What a welcome.  Please do not spit on the Mormons. BYU 27 – Texas Tech. 14.

As stated at the beginning, there are not many awards. Next week will probably be even worse. Have a big, fancy wedding to attend on Saturday.

Let’s Go Astros! It is time to bring the bats or go home!

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Friday, October 13, 2023 – Snark Snark Snark

Posted on October 13, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, October 13, 2023 – Snark Snark Snark

It is Friday the 13th, the Middle East is in flames, there is no Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, there is a snow storm in the Rocky Mountains, fires in Canada and the sun will be eclipsed tomorrow. Ready to make your sacrifices to your Gods and Goddesses?

In addition all of the above, it is the most mediocre season of college football ever. No team seems to be playing at a high level. Is this due to Portal? Is this due to NIL? Is it me? Whatever, I am just not able to express great emotion for any team.

The A schools of the SEC – Arkansas and Alabama – kick off at 11:00 on ESPN. That game will certainly be more enjoyable than Georgia and Vanderbilt on CBS at 11:00.

Texas A&M and Tennessee on CBS at 2:30. This could be The Jimbo Egress. CBS? Once again we get to hear the biased, bigoted, never ceasing talking of Gary Danielson. He has already pissed off Tennessee fans by saying there stadium is no big deal. Why can’t he call Georgia and Vanderbilt? Aggies? You can still make something out of the season besides the Texas Bowl.

Oregon and Washington on ABC at 2:30.  Evidently the break up of the Pac 12 spurred some last year heroics. Both team are undefeated..

Speaking of the Pack 12… USC plays Our Lady on the Notre Dame network NBC at 6:30. Let’s go Trojans! Reminder, the USC mascot is warrior from the Trojan War between ancient Greece and Troy and not the prophylactic.

Speaking of mediocrity, Auburn visits Death Valley in Baton Rouge to meet up with LSU on ESPN at 6:00.

Stanford and Colorado on ESPN at 9:00. I agree with Coach Prime. This is too late. Old people go to bed at this time. When the time changes in a few weeks, we will have already been in bed for several hours.

Speaking of Hail Mary… If you did not see the end of the West Virginia and University of Houston … WVa scores with 12 seconds left to take the lead. Then with 1 second and a hail Mary pass U of H scores a touchdown to win 41 to 39 and Dana probably keeps his job for the moment.

And in conclusion…

Don’t forget to wear your special sun eclipse glasses. Better yet, watch it on TV.

Pray for Peace.

BTHO Tennessee

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Friday, October 6, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Six

Posted on October 6, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, October 6, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Six

Before we snark into college football, I wanted to update you on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, because I know that you, like me, find this is of extremely high interest. It is has not been determined if Miss Swift will be in the Kelce box this weekend or not. But HWIT – three dates and there is a U-Haul in the future. Neither has it been determined if Miss Swift’s new color of lipstick is KC Chief Red.

Onward through the fog …

Snatch up the babies and grab the old ladies and hold on to your horses. Get those Big Solid Swear Jars ready. This weekend in college football is going to be a doozy.

Let us kick off with some relatively interesting games in the morning hours.

LSU and Missouri on ESPN @ 11:00 – Tiger Tiger burning bright; Kelly’s on the hot seat, right? Missouri could go six and O! Oh my!

Maryland and Ohio State on Fox @ 11:00 – undefeated Terrapins and Buckeyes! Watch for ugly uniforms and those little pot stickers on Ohio State helmets.

To the evening hours.

Georgia and Kentucky on ESPN at 6:00– Both teams are undefeated but playing between the hedges in Georgia.  WAKE-UP UGA! Those wildkats could sneak up on you! Go Wildkats!

Arkansas at Ole Miss 6:30 on SECN – This could kinda fun. Let’s think – Hillbillies meet the Preppies. Hotty Toddy in The Grove.

Notre Dame visits Louisville on ABC at 6:37 (6:37 is what is on the schedule) My two least favorite teams in any sport!

In the Big 12 Mediocrity Bowl at 7:00 on ESPN2, we have Tortilla Tech visiting Baylor. TT red uniforms and BU green uniforms maybe? Just a reminder Christmas is just around the corner.

And now for the only two games of meaning this weekend…

But first – a riddle for Alabama, Oklahoma, Texas A&M, and THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. What does the following mean?

YOUR SEASON

It means – Your Season on the line.

First at 11:00 – THE UNIVERSITY of Texas and Oklahoma University in the Red River Rivalry on ABC. This is one of those games when you never can tell. HWIT- The winner of this contest wins the Big 12. Once again – Do not let Arch play! Save that redshirt for the SEC! Meanwhile – Boomer Sooner!

And now – the game we have all been waiting for. Alabama and Texas A&M at 2:30 on CBS. The season is on the line for both of these teams too. CBS? Oh crap! Does that mean The Motor Mouth Gary Danielson will be in the booth? Can we put him in an isolation booth?

To the Alabama QB – if you thought the cowbells of Mississippi State were loud, wait until you hear The 12th Man. And The 12th Man does not have to cease yelling when you are trying to call a play.

To the A&M Defense – Can you make it seven QB sacks in a row? Sure, go for eight, after all, is the Alabama O-Line, where the O is actually a 0 as in zero.

To Jimbo/Bobby – Do not let Max the QB run with the ball. The next in line for QB is as good as I am!

To the Texas A&M field goal kicker – May the hold be good, may your leg be strong and may your kick go “… end over end neither left nor the right, straight through the heart of them righteous uprights…” just like last time the Tide was in Kyle Field.

BTHO ALABAMA!

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Monday, October 2, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 2, 2023 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 2, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Bless the avocado because it was a Holy Guacamole Football Weekend.

My first award goes to me. I’d like to thank the psychic football goddesses for their wisdom to call it “Anything Can Happen” Weekend. Anything can happen and did it ever!

Aggies 34 Hogs 22. The most awards go to Texas A&M – I give the Aggie QB The Max Factor Award. He still needs to make-up some ground, (Get it?) To the Aggie Defense I award the Grocery Store Award for seven sacks of the quarterback. Are you listening, St. Nick? Chris Russell receives a Big Solid Award for an interception and return for a touchdown. And Ainais Smith wins the Run Forrest Run award for an 80 yard punt return.

Florida 14 and Kentucky 33 – I give the Wildcats the award for “This Was So Much FUN to Watch.” Ray Davis also receives the Frankenstein Award because he was a monster running back with 206 rushing yards in the first half. He finished with a total of 280 yards.

Georgia 27 Auburn 20 – To Georgia – I give the award to WAKE YO ASS UP! It was Auburn and you almost blew it.

Missouri 38 Vanderbilt 21 – To the Tigers of Missouri I award the Are You for Real? trophy.

LSU 49 Ole Miss 55 – To both teams, I award the Defense Stayed Home Award. Looks like the Tigers get to play for Tiger Pride Only.

Alabama 40 Mississippi State 17 – I award Alabama the She’s Got a Ticket to Ride Award as the team prepares to see what a real maroon and white defense looks like this Saturday in College Station.

Baylor 36 UCF 35 – Baylor Bears receive a pair of green and gold Poopy Undies Award and an award for Great Comeback!

USC 48 Colorado 41 – Even in defeat, the Buffaloes receive the Never Give Up Award.

Both Baylor and Colorado fans receive the Damn It. I Turned the Channel when You Were Behind 30+ Points at Half-time.

Kansas 14 Texas 40 – To THE University of Texas I award the One More Time Award. If the Horns get by Saturday, it will be all over but the crying for the Big 12.

Houston 29 Texas Tech 49 – Ouch! I am giving the Cougars of the University of Houston the Linda Ronstadt Award because “you’re no good; you’re no good, baby, you’re no good.”

Notre Dame 21 and Duke 14 – Bless me father, for I cussed a blue streak, threw a dollar in the Big Solid Swear Jar, and repeated the process. And Duke looses their QB too! I’ll give ND an award when I get back from confession.

That’s it for today, but Saturday is going to be a BIG GAMEl for several teams.

BTHO ALABAMA!

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Friday, September 29, 2023 – Snarky Football Friday – Week Five

Posted on September 29, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, September 29, 2023 – Snarky Football Friday – Week Five

Who knows what evil lurks on Saturday? The Shadow knows.

That is good, but I certainly do not know what is going to happen. This is “Anything can Happen” weekend.

It is already a terrible year for quarterbacks. Tortilla Tech, NY Jets, and Texas A&M have all lost their starting quarterback to leg injuries. I do wish speedy recoveries for all. But they did have more plays than Lincoln did.

Snarkin on…with the games I’ll be watching.

The morning glory games.

Bacon in the morning for 11:00 on SECN – Texas A&M and Arkansas from Jerry World in Dallas. The Aggies do have the Max Factor now. But the Hogs are always dangerous. Besides they wear red plastic pig hats on their heads and marry their cousins.

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam; and the Heisman winner don’t play… USC at Colorado at 11:00 on Fox. HWIT. I think the honeymoon is over for the Prime. I don’t think it will matter how many rappers are in attendance.

The afternoon.

Baylor and UCF at 2:30 on FS1. I think the golden part will be the Golden Knights instead of the Green and Gold Bears. The Baylor Line ain’t so good this year. Note: Do not refer to UCF as Central Florida. They want to be called UCF. Probably something to do with the Florida education system. UCF has fewer letters to remember and makes for cheaper tattoos.

Houston at Texas Tech at 2:30 FS2 – Two of the three of my least favorite teams. But go Cougars! Watch out for flying frozen tortillas.

THE GAME at 2:30 is between Kansas at THE UNIVERSITY of Texas on ABC. What is going on in college football? Kansas comes to Austin undefeated to play the undefeated Longhorns. Rock Chalk, Jay Hawk. Let me say this again. No Arch! You T-Shirt wearers should know that Sark is saving him for the SEC! So let the women’s soccer team play before putting the Arch in the game.

Speaking of undefeated… Missouri and Vanderbilt at 3:00 SECN – Excuse me? Missouri? Mizzu can be undefeated at 5 and 0? Well, you are the Show Me State so show it to me.

Kicking off the evening is the Halloween game between LSU and Ole Miss at 5:00 on ESPN. Roll that Billy Cannon video. GEAUX TIGERS! Do it in memory of Billy and my cousin Donnie who threw the block that sprung Billy down the side line. This could be a nail biter.

8:00 Alabama and Mississippi State on ESPN – The Big Solid Interception Game!!! Roll that video. Go Dogs! Miss you, Mike. Alabama? Will you be bringing a quarterback?

Notre Dame (Other school in least favorite) is at Duke on ABC at 6:30. When did Duke start playing football? Let’s hope this Tobacco Road leads to a victory with No Bull in Durham. And the president of Duke is Vincent Price. Not the House of Wax VP, but still pretty cool. Game Day is in Durham and the guest picker is Leslie Chow from The Hangover movie. Ken Jeong graduated from Duke. For his entrance, I hope he reprises his role as Leslie Chow and jumps naked out of the trunk of a car. May the always creepy leprechaun be burned by the Blue Devil.

Get those Big Solid Swear Jars ready. Quarters will fly on Saturday.

Stay safe. Be kind to animals and people.

BTHO ARKANSAS

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Monday, September 25, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

Posted on September 26, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, September 25, 2023 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Week Four

My apologies for the delay in the game. I had several false starts today. Just like many of the teams. But here we go. Feel free to sing along…

Ugly in the morning; ugly in the evening; ugly at supper time.

The football games were ugly, Especially for Coach Prime.

It was indeed an ugly weekend of football. Even if your team won, it was an ugly win. And if your team lost, it was double butt ugly.

But time and bands march on and here are my awards for Week Four.

Ohio State 17 – Notre Dame 14. My first award today is the Michael Jackson Award and it goes to Ohio State for it was THRILLER! I only watched 1:35 of this game, but that was the entire game. It was wonderful not only to see ND lose, but on the final play of the game. Buckeyes Rule! Guess that “wearing of the green” and the Rudy Stuff was not the answer.

Alabama 24 – Ole Miss 10 – I am awarding the TIDE the Alarm Clock Award for waking up at half-time and realizing “OH! WE’RE ALABAMA! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WINNING BIG!

Mississippi State 30 and South Carolina 37. I feel certain that Big Solid threw money in the jar every time that damn rooster crowed. The Bulldogs receive the Close, but No Cigar Award.

Texas A&M 27 and Auburn 10– Multiple Awards for the Aggies – Max Johnson gets the E. King Gill Award for the 12th Man taking over from Connor Wiegman and the Taking It to the Max for coming in and winning the game. He also receives the Johnson and Johnson Award for connecting with his brother, Jake, for a touchdown. Note: There was $2.50 in my Big Solid Swear Jar and there was still 6 minutes left in the first quarter.  Double note: Another $2.00 into the jar when Wiegman was injured.

I would like to award Auburn the Number 2. This is for the number of yards you had for the third quarter. Also your offense did not score a touchdown. Can we give the A&M Defense some love? Hearts and Hamburgers for the Big Men!

Jimbo? He gets the You are Not the 12th Man Award for being on the field as the Auburn runner runs by him.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas 38 and Baylor 6 – Baylor receives the Calendar Award so it can find the start of basketball season. Texas is 4 and 0 for the first time since 2012. The Horns Receive the You Ain’t Seen Nothing, Yet Award! But again, it is the Big 12 – kind of like taking your cousin to the prom.

Kansas  38 BYU 27 – Rock Chalk Jayhawk. You are awarded The Big 12 Undefeated Award – just like Texas! And undefeated like Oklahoma! Last time the Jayhawks were 4 and 0, Woodrow Wilson was president.

Oregon 42 and Colorado 6 The dance has ended for Cinderella, but maybe not the season. Colorado receives the Prime Time Reality Check Award.  

LSU 34 and Arkansas 31 – Both teams receive Poopy Underwear Awards. It was a really good game. To LSU, I award The Not There Yet Award. You still look average. The Hogs were a problematic the entire game. I award them the Root Root Root Sooey Pig Award. I wonder who Arkansas plays next week? Oh Crap!

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Friday, September 22, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Four

Posted on September 22, 2023 | 1 comment

Friday, September 22, 2023 – Snarky Friday – Week Four

It is the first day of fall and the temperature in Texas is 101.

This week in football we find out who is real and who is Memorex. You got to be old to understand that metaphor. If you do not know what it means, Google it. For most teams, conference plays begins. No more cupcake teams.

But there is football morning, afternoon and night. Here are the teams I shall be watching.

At 11:00 we have:

Auburn at Texas A&M University on ESPN.

SEC Nation is in town. I shall not be in the pit at 5:30 am with my sign. In the battle of the land grant flagships, I dream of Jeannie with the light Auburn hair. More war birds! Auburn comes to Kyle Field undefeated. However, the Tigers have played the University of Massachusetts, California, and Samford. Mimosas and bloody Mary’s for everybody. Note to self: Get Big Solid Swear Jar ready. TAMU? Please bring a defense!

Oklahoma visits WKRP in Cincinnati. On Fox. The Bearkats meet the Sooners for their first Big 12 play. Good luck with that Bearkats!

Florida State and Clemson on ABC. – I really do not care, but it seems that Dabo’s coaching seat is a bit warm.

The afternoon – Grab your swear jar, the oxygen tanks and some clean underwear.

Ole Miss at Alabama 2:30 on CBS

“A horse, a horse – my kingdom for a horse.” Richard III – Shakespeare

“A quarterback, a quarterback – my dynasty for a quarterback.” Nick Saban – All of Alabama

Hoddy Toddy! Hold your popcorn and throw your headset, this is going to be good. Lane Kiffen is the kind of guy that you have a blind date with in college. You come back and tell your roommate how weird he is. Then you end up marrying him!

Colorado and Oregon 2:30 on ABC – Duck, duck Deion! Team Sanders will need it all against the ducks. But it could be a Colorado high.

At 3:00 on SEC we have Tennessee and UTSA. I think Wylie Coyote will win this one against the roadrunners.

Evening Hours

Arkansas at LSU at 6:00 on ESPN – Boudin comes in pig casings. Andouille sausage also comes in pig casings. Just saying. Geaux Tigers!

Ohio State and Notre Dame at 6:30 on NBC – This is the type of game when I hope for a lightening, hail and snow storm. But Buckeyes You, ND. RL? I shall await your ND text!

Mississippi State at South Carolina at 6:00 on ESPN – Get the Big Solid Swear Jar ready. Evenly matched mediocre teams. Hail State!

Sam Houston State University at the University of Houston at 6:00 on a stream. The vultures are gathering around 4800 Calhoun Street. Dana? You cannot lose to Rice and Sam Houston in the same year.

THE UNIVERSITY of Texas at Baylor -THEE University at 6:30 ABC –Let us pray. Oh Lord, please resurrect the 1974 Miracle on the Brazos game when it was 27 to 7 at halftime and Baylor came back to win 34-24 to win the Southwest Conference Championship for the first time in 50 years. Bless you Grant Teaff! Sadly, this could be ugly and the Bears will need a miracle. But still no Arch!

BTHO AUBURN!

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