Tag Archives: Alabama

Monday, November 8, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, November 8, 2021 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Today the Week Ten Awards Show consists of songs dedicated to each team.

The only big award today is The Ugly Uniform Award, and it goes to TCU. Those uniforms look like SMU, Ole Miss and Cincinnati uniforms were washed together in magic washing powders and all the colors mixed together. Was it supposed to be mourning garb for Patterson’s leaving?

Today everyone receives a song to make their playlist. I might have changed a few lyrics.

For the upsets, each of these teams receive Patsy Cline’s version of

Faded Love

Wake Forest 55 – UNC 58

Mississippi State 28 Arkansas 31

But onward thru the fog…

Baylor 28 and TCU 30

Baylor song – U2 – Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

TCU song – Elton John – Good bye Yellow Brick Road

Liberty 14 and Ole Miss 27  

Liberty – if you only play for what you need, you needed more.

Liberty Song – To Liberty and Coach Hugh Freeze, just Let It Go since you were Frozen.

Ole Miss – Popcorn Dance by Hot Butter. It’s like an ancient episode of Think You Can Dance. I think this could be the new Ole Miss song.

Purdue 40 and Michigan State 29

Purdue song – Lionel Richie – Once Twice, Three Times an Upset

Michigan State song – The Beatles – Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.

Texas 7 at Iowa State 30

Iowa State song – Tornado by Little Big Town

Texas song – The Eagles – Desperado

Alabama 20 at LSU 14  

Alabama song – Jack Scott – What In The World’s Come Over You?

LSU song – Police – Every breath you take; every move you make I’ll be watching you. Nothing can make a successful season for LSU more than an upset.

Texas A&M 20 and Auburn

A&M wins the Louise and George Jefferson Award  

Aggie song – cause ‘we moving on up in the West Side – we finally got a piece of the pie!

Additional songs include Scoop there is it by Tag Team and We Put a Nix on You by Creedence Clearwater Revival for the Aggie Defense.

Auburn song – The Happenings – See You in September – Bye-bye, so long, farewell; Bye-bye, so long; See you, in the Iron Bowl; see you, when the season’s through.

BTHO Ole Miss!The Aggies are coming to Oxford with popcorn and ready to kick butt, and we are all out of popcorn! And we ain’t dancing to no popcorn dance either. WHOOP!

Monday, September 20, 2021 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, September 20, 2021 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Our first award this week is the Welcome to Aggieland Award. It goes to the numerous newcomers of the Brazos Valley who posted their fears on the Neighborhood Watch app when “Four 4 F 15 fighter jets, armed with missiles, just flew over. What is happening?” And a special award to those who replied, “You must be new. It is the Aggie flyover. It’s Aggie football weekend.” And especially to the Air Force brat who posted, “the jets are not armed with missiles. The bay doors are open.”

Note to the newcomers. That was the flyover for the New Mexico game. On October 9, the entire Texas Air National Guard is flying over Kyle Field, along with a blimp, three helicopters and a flying saucer when the Tide rolls in.

Speaking of The Tide, you need some Tide because you win Poopy Undies. You did avoid Swamp Fever, but it was too close for comfort. Florida Gators receive the Worst Execution of a Two Point Conversion Award. Alabama 31 and Florida 29.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Sooners of Oklahoma. Obviously, Nebraska took the celebration of the 50 Year anniversary of the “Game of the Century” from 1971 a bit more seriously that the Sooners. Close, but no Cornhusker Cigar. Bama 26 and Nebraska 16. Note to OU: Your debut games for the SEC are not looking too good.

There were many blowouts. Here are a few.

TAMU 34 and New Mexico 0. Plus scared newcomers 5 and F 15 Fighter Jets 4. Jimbo said, “We are very average.”  Yes, we are.

Baylor 47 Kansas 7

Rice 0 Texas 58

Missouri 59 SE Missouri St 28

LSU 49 Central Michigan 21

I listed the above teams’ blowouts because none of them will have a blowout again. So you all receive both Cupcake Awards and Hair Dryer Awards. THE University of Texas receives a Rice bowl.  Remember this game TU when you play Vanderbilt in the future.

The biggest trophies this week are brought to you by the Optician Magicians and goes to the Officials. Specifically the officials who called the Mississippi State and Memphis game and the Penn State and Auburn Game. First award is the Three Blind Mice Award and goes to the refs for Memphis and Mississippi State. I am 72 years old and have had cataract surgery on both eyes and have never even called a Pee Wee football game, but I know that you cannot have two players with the same number on the field at the same time. FOUR! Granted, your educational systems suck, but one would think you can recognize two players wearing the same number Four!

But the worst was the obvious downing of the football by State but was picked up and run for a touchdown by Memphis.  For Bulldog fans I award the Near Cardiac Arrest Award and a New Cussing Jar.

The officials in Happy Pennsylvania were not making the crowds happy either. From Referee School 101 – KNOW WHAT DOWN IT IS! .

Auburn 20 Penn State 28. Also, a Stadium Fashion Award goes to Penn State. The White Out looked great.

In conclusion I now introduce a new award called The Most Cobs Shoved Up’ Award for Incredible Skill at Ineptitude.  Our first recipients of the award are the crew who called the Memphis and Mississippi State game. Cob Him!

Have a great week.

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Friday, September 25, 2020 – Snarky Friday in the Official COVID Asterisk College Football Season*

Welcome to the official COVID Asterisk College Football Season * We all know that whichever teams win whatever conferences and championships there will be an ASTERISK placed by their name. This due to the fact that players and coaches and other personnel are risking their assters by playing during a global pandemic. Some teams will play eight games; some will play nine; some will be postponed; some will be cancelled and so forth and so on. Like the virus, we just don’t know what will happen.

It is a season of reduced stadium capacities, cardboard fans, no tailgating, no bands and no cheer or yell leaders. Everybody on the sidelines will be wearing a mask. Referees will use their hand-held screeching device to signal starts and stops. This affords no spitting in the wind via blowing a whistle. With the presidential debates next week, I think the moderators should use a similar device. Maybe even a bull horn to shut the candidates up when their time expires.

Who plays whom and when?

The Breakfast Bunch of games at 11:00 AM are

  • Kansas State and Oklahoma on FOX in The Boomer Sooner Roll Over the Wildkats Bowl.
  • Florida and Ole Miss on ESPN in The Florida Scrimmage Bowl. It will be scrimmage for the Gators and not so much a game for the Rebels. Start the cocktails early in The Grove.
  • Kentucky and Auburn on the SEC Network in The Hill Billy Bowl. Enough said.

During the afternoon hours at the 2:30 time slot we find Mike Leach debuting as coach of the Mississippi State Bulldogs against the LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge. Watch for the Red Stick and Tigers to beat up Mike and the Bulldogs. Mikee, the stadium is called Death Valley for a reason and there are no pirates. GEAUX Tigers! Sorry, Elf and Big Solid.

Also at 2:30 we have THE University of Texas on the plains of Lubbock taking on Texas Tortilla Tech on FOX. Tech may not have a good season, but you can bet the Red Raiders will be up for Banjo Boy and the Longhorns. BEVO may catch a flying tortilla on his horns. 

West Virginia and Oklahoma State at 2:30 on ABC. Big time for the Cowboys and The Mountaineers. I hope the game is equally big time. Go Pokes!

The Georgia Bulldogs bring UGA, their mascot to meet Tusk the Razorback and the Hogs of Arkansas on the SEC Network – at least a virtual mascot meet. All mascots must wear masks and remain six feet apart. Lots of screaming red on the field, but the win goes to UGA big time.

It is now the evening and time for the big-time games. The evening starts with Alabama and Missouri on ESPN at 6:00. Saban’s Boys will roll the TIDE over Mizzu like a bulldozer on a black top tar road. If there were bands, the Alabama band could play the last quarter.

Baylor and Kansas on ESPNU at 6:30. PU is right. This will be a game of brightly colored team uniforms with low expectations. Come on. It’s Kansas. They play basketball.  Sic ‘Em, Bears!

My game of course will be Texas A&M and Vanderbilt on the SEC Alternate at 6:30. There will be no half-time performance by The Fighting Texas Aggie Band. In fact, the band will not even be in the stands. On Thursday evenings the band does a dress rehearsal and it is videoed. On game day, the percentage of fans allowed into Kyle Field and the cardboard fans will get to see the band on the big screen.

Friday’s Midnight Yell Practice is virtual. I am not certain how this is going to work. Am I supposed to stand in my living room, hump it and yell?

A! G! G! I! E! S! WHOOP! GIG ‘EM AGGIES! We shall see.

*****

WEAR THE MASK so this will be the only ASTERICK football season!

BTHO Vanderbilt!

*All games subject to COVID.

Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Friday, December 28, 2018 – The College Football Sneaky Snarky Friday

Congratulations to the Baylor Bears in their victory over the Vanderbilt Commodores by a whopping score of 45 to 38 in the Academy Sport and Outdoors Texas Bowl. Perhaps if you both field defensive squads next year, you can up your bowl game. Vandy, your defense looked it was Lionel Richie and the Commodores.

Earlier that day in the Walk-on Independence Bowl Duke realized it really is a basketball school and walked on in the second half to score some 45 unanswered points to win over Temple 56- 27.

In the New Era Pinstripe Bowl Wisconsin beat the Miami Hurricanes down to a Category Zero by a score of 35 to 3. May I suggest for a new era, you do not name a football game after a fabric pattern?

Today as I key this we have Purdue and Auburn playing in the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. Auburn? Purdue? Take a Nap? Hmm.

By the evening hours we begin to drift into the Better Big Boy Big School Bowls. These are the bigger games with top players.

It is during this time period we the multitude of players who get to play in The I Did Something Stupid and Made Poor Choices Bowl and/or The I’m Not Playing for My School Because I’m Going to Combine and Will Make Millions and You’re Not Bowl.

Let’ start with the West Virginia Hillbillies and Syracuse in the Camping World Bowl. Expect the usual tacky, home-spun looking WVA uniforms and some visually unaesthetic orange from Syracuse.  Hope the second string QB for WVA is ready.

If anyone is interest you can watch Iowa State and Washington State in the Valero Alamo Bowl. This does not begin until 8:00 so it is necessary to get a proper amount of sleep because Saturday starts the games with the best of the best.

Saturday begins with Florida and Michigan at noon in the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl. This sounds like Hooter girls making a peach cobbler bowl.

At the 3:00 hour we have the Creepy Leprechaun and the Halo Gold Helmets on the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame and another variation on orange on the Clemson Tigers. This is the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic in the first of the College Playoff Semi-final Game. Not to worry. The game is Jerry World in Arlington and not the old Cotton Bowl Stadium where bowl games go to be canceled. Just a quick reminder to Notre Dame – you don’t play well in The Cotton Bowl regardless of where it is played. Clemson doesn’t need all of their players to beat you.

The second College Playoff Semi-final Game is the Capital One Orange Bowl at 7:00. We have the University of Oklahoma and the University of Alabama. Like Clemson, Alabama does not need all of players to beat anyone either. Why does OU go by OU when it should be UO? I don’t know.

Anyway you have OUUA or UOUA. or UAOU.  They all rhyme with Tua. ROLL TIDE!

 

Friday, September 15, 2017 – Dog Gone It! Best Dog in Show!

Friday, September 15, 2017 – Dog Gone It! Best Dog in Show!

Snarky Friday before College Football is short today due to a busy day for The Snark and many lackluster football teams and games scheduled for Saturday. Of course there are exceptions.

At 11:00 on ESPN we find #9 Oklahoma State versus Pitt. Yes, 11:00 o’clock games are the Pitts.

On CBS @ 2:30 in a huge SEC match up, for the bottom of the Top 25 but a seat at # 1 in the SEC, we have #23 Tennessee and # 24 Florida. I suggest to Tennessee not to Volunteer to put your hand in the Gator’s mouth.

However, Gators do not habitat mountainous areas. “Wish that I was on ol’ Rocky Top Down in the Tennessee hills…”

Thank you Algers, for being in Tennessee the day it after Coach Summitt’s announcement and buying me this shirt. Please remember the cause behind it

At 6:00 in another SEC match up it will be raining cats and dogs in Starkville, MS, when # 12 LSU meets Mississippi State. Go Big Solid! But Geaux Tigers. Watch on ESPN.

On FOX at 7:30 THE University of Texas returns to Los Angles to play USC. Didn’t the Horns play that team a long time ago? Probably a very long time ago for Horns Fans. Perhaps the BEVO Trojan Horse will have the Alabama Team inside. Watch Bama play Colorado State at 6:00 on ESPN2. Roll Tide. Watch out for Rocky Mountain Highs in Colorado. I am referring to the altitude of course.

Back to the morning – kicking off to a full stadium in Kyle Field, the Rajun Cajuns from UL Layfayette bring their mascot, Cayenne the Pepper, and the rest of the team to meet the Texas Aggies. Let’s see Aggies if you get the adjective “Fighting” back next week.

BTHO Rajun Cajuns!

Here’s the Big Dogs, the Under Dogs and the Best Dog in Show.  Check out the video for the history of the four runners up and the winner – Lady Reveille. WHOOP!

http://www.ncaa.com/video/football/2017-09-13/high-five-college-football-best-dog-mascots-reveille-uga-jonathan

Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Before the Snark enters, let us all take a moment to send our thoughts and prayers to the people of Spain. Not to exclude any group, but please watch over the Texas Aggie Women’s basketball team and all of the other teams visiting Europe.

And now appearing in regal snarkiness, here is The Snark to dish on college football.

I can’t wait for the Ugliest Uniforms for the Week Award this year. Here is putting Mississippi State on notice that the Aggies will be wearing color changing uniforms. That’s right. It is some kind of weird threads that the Adidas people dreamed up that allegedly changes from maroon to black and then glows depending on the stadium lights. I hope this works better than last year’s attempt to make the numbers glow and no one, including the broadcasters could see the numbers.

But we are still 25 days away from some of the first kick offs. I am happy the Sam Houston Bearkats open their season this month. SHSU is ranked #3 behind James Madison and North Dakota in that division’s polls. JM and ND have combined to the win the last National Championships. Go Kats! Beat the hell out of the Richmond, Spiders. Yes, the mascot of Richmond is a spider.

Let The Snark provide a summer summary of players. Here is what has happened during college football thus far this summer. He:

Transferred to:

  • A Junior College
  • Another school to go to graduate school
  • The county jail.

He hurt his:

Leg, knee, foot, shoulder, toe etc.

He was picked up for:

  • DUI
  • Passed out in flower bed in bar district
  • Assault
  • Assault and battery
  • Assault with a battery
  • Theft
  • Drug use
  • Drug possession
  • Illegal weapon possession
  • Being stupid and throwing away opportunities!

My apologies that The Snark only has time to cover the summary of the players from Florida schools. Roll Tide over Florida State. BOOM! And Snark out!

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa.

Only seven more Mondays until we begin ‘My Monday After College Football Awards.” Today is the unofficial start of college football season beginning with Conference Media Days.

My conference tis of thee and that means the SEC for me. I claim rights on that T-shirt slogan.

However, it is all talk and no action at this time. Therefore the only award today goes to me. I am awarding myself the “Is My Face Crimson” Award.

Old School Version: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea máxima culpa. through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault;

Modern Version: Sorry. My bad.

I deeply and sincerely apologize to the four Alabama fans who read HWIT and to everybody else whose traditional greeting is “Roll Tide.”

I will never misspell Coach Nick Saban’s name again; I will never spell it Sabin, like the scientist, and I will write Saban spelled correctly the end zone 100 times. I will remember to spell his name correctly because his name has two A’s in it, like the beginning and the end of Alabama. There are four As in Alabama – the same number of National Championships won by Nick Saban to date.

As I mentioned NCAA Football Media days are taking place this month. The SEC teams are in Hoover, Alabama to speak with the media. It begins today and ends Thurs. The schedule looks pretty much like this:

LSU, Florida, Alabama, Auburn and everybody else. Texas A&M will be sharing Wednesday with Alabama and Saban with two A’s. This is allegedly to reduce the temperature in Coach Sumlin’s seat, which even Paul Finebaum says is “the hottest seat in football.” You cannot let this season get away!

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Sumlin must upset at least one of those teams to even turn down the temperature a few degrees. Can we all agree that the team the Aggies should upset should be FLORIDA?

Friday, July 7, 2017 – Snarky Friday – 7.7.17 – Seven More Saturdays Until Kick Off

Seven. Seven. Seventeen. Seven more Saturdays until we scream! WHOOP!

Why is it so hot in Texas in July? It is because it was July when God kicked the Devil out of Heaven. God gave him the choice between Texas in July or Hell. The Devil chose Hell because it is cooler than Texas in July.

But the July temperatures are not the only thing in Texas burning hotter than the hinges on the Gates of Hell. There is an office near Wellborn and George Bush Drive in College Station that also has some very hot hinges. The name on the door – Kevin Sumlin.

Yes, Indeedee do, the hottest coach’s seat in the NCAA D-1 football is right here in College Station. Three years of 5-0 starts squandered. The motivational poster in his office reads WIN NOW! I think it was placed there by the AD and the HR people from Texas A&M. Might have been John Sharp. I believe this is called “The handwriting on the wall.”

It must really be hot because the SEC Media Days paired the Texas A&M with the Alabama to take some of the heat away from Sumlin. Sabin and Sumlin – hot, but for different reasons.

Speaking of hot seats – or at least warm – we have THE University of Texas coach Tom Herman featured on the football bible of Texas – Dave Campbell’s Texas Football.

I cannot say for certain, but here’s what I’m thinking. My friends who attended and support THE University are going to want more than Coach Herman’s picture on the cover of a magazine. All of that football gibberish better transfer to the scoreboard with W’s on it every Saturday.

Don’t forget – UT You Pee! ( I have so been saving to saythat.)

Hook ‘Em Hippies!

 

Seven more Saturdays until college football kickoff. Counting the days.

BTHO UCLA

Friday, May 26, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football – 93 Days

Friday, May 26, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football – 93 Days

Ninety-three days till kick off begins

Ninety-three days till then

Tomorrow begins 92 and

We start all over again.

Ninety-two days till kick off begins …

It depends on the source as to exactly the number of days until NCAA College Football begins. I do not care as long as it begins. Here are some thoughts of what I am thinking as we wait anxiously for college kick off weekend.

Why are Stanford and Rice playing in Australia? Will the Rice MOB play Tie e kangaroo down, Sport and jump around the field? Perhaps they will play Waltzing Matilda and waltz in formation. Will the Leland Stanford Jr. College Band be off of probation to attend?

Is ESPN Game Day coming to College Station? Kirk Herbstreit, can ya’ll please come? I promise this year I will personally bring you barbecue from Fargo’s so I can meet you and take a selfie with all of you. Mr. Herbstreit and Mr. Howard, I would so love to have a photo of us doing a quarterback pose and the Heisman pose. I would like this because both of you are hotties and I am a 68 year old woman and can still do the poses and not fall over or break a hip. Mr. Fowler is pretty cute, but that Corso guy? Please do not let him photo bomb our pictures.

When do Texas Aggie Maroon Out 2017 shirts go on sale? Maroon Out 2017 shirts go on sale June 1. And every Aggie and Former Student knows: it is not about the shirt. It is the 12th Man! Gig ‘Em! http://classcouncils.tamu.edu/node/132

When is Maroon Out Game for 2017? The Maroon Out game has not been determined. HWIT – I am going to ensure my shirt is clean and ready to tailgate on October 7 when the Crimson Tide Rolls in. It could be October 28 when the Bulldogs from Mississippi State visit. That would really be a maroon filled stadium though. http://www.12thman.com/schedule.aspx?path=football

Just realized I have not said too many snarky comments. Therefore, let me say:

Big 12 Conference! OU – we’re leaving. Oklahoma State – we’re going to win it.

Kansas State – Snyder is still alive. Kansas – when does basketball season begin? Iowa State – why are you even in this conference? West Virginia – Can be spoilers to hopes, but I think Dana is cute.

Texas Tech – Is this coaching seat hot or is it just me? TCU – Do these purple pants make me look fat? Yes, Patterson, they do. Baylor – praying for a resurrection in Waco.

THE University of Texas – Hook ‘Em Hippies and it better be quickly.

Snarky Friday – 92 days till kick off begins; 92 days till then …

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – March Madness Begins! There is Good News and Bad News

Tuesday, March 14, 2017 – March Madness Begins! There is Good News and Bad News

It is time to follow the bouncing ball as we begin the journey through Brackeville enroute to The Final Four. Much of today will be spent upon completion of my NCAA – Division I Men’s and Women’s basketball brackets. This means my thoughtful, high researched, and always snarky comments will come tomorrow.

I am very excited that my sister will be playing brackets this year. She, like myself, base our selections on such criteria as: Family Alumni, Conferences loyalties, color of uniforms, coaches’ attire, jewelry, number of tattoos per team, and of course the all-important cross gender criteria – HAIR! – including guestimates of how much hair grease Andy Landers goes through each month. But more on my brackets and criteria tomorrow.

The good news or the bad news first? The good news is the Texas Aggies women’s basketball team does not have to go to Waco or Austin to begin First Round play. Neither does the team have to fight the blizzard where the top half of the bracket is playing.

The Aggies start The Dance by going to California in beautiful star studded, glitter town – Los Angles! Note: to top half of bracket – That is SUNNY California. Who does your bracket geography? Obviously, long-term, freak weather patterns were not factored into the equation. Notice the “really smart” schools are in California while you are shivering. It is called SPRING break for a reason.

The Aggies are the #5 seed in the lower bracket. We will meet the #16 seed Penn State Nitany Lions, Ivy League Conference Champions.

Listen up, whatever a Nitany Lion is – We gonna show you some Ivy League, Texas style basketball from the Harvard on the Brazos! Ladies! Let’s Get in Formation! We be getting our Beyoncé on! Did I mention the sun? Where is my Beyoncé bikini?

Miss Curtyce Knox assisting me to Get in Formation.

And the bad news? Aside from The Basketball Blizzard of 2017 in The East? The winner of the Texas A&M/Penn State games faces the winner of Boise State and UCLA! Wait. That is not the bad news. In the same bracket looming high up in the clouds, and hopefully above the snow, above the rim, above all categories of college basketball statistics lies UCONN! As in ‘You con not catch us!’

But it’s MADNESS!

As Coach Gary Blair said today, “We are not good enough to look past anyone, but we are good enough to beat anyone, and that includes everyone in the tournament.” Gig ‘Em Aggies! WHOOP!

But today our focus must be preparing brackets and tuned into the baseball game in Austin. That would be on the Long-Horn Network – the Network that gives an entirely new meaning to “closed captioned.”

Here’s what I’m thinking: If a network had more programming (as in more schools) one would not have to hear VY and RW doing bad commercials. Instead there could entire shows of National Championships and not just Alabama, but by any number of teams and unbelievable number of athletics.

BTHO – tu!