Monthly Archives: September 2020

Friday, September 18, 2020 – Snarky Friday Returns

Friday, September 18, 2020 – Snarky Friday Returns

Never mind. I just looked at this Saturday’s college football games.  There is very little to snark about because I have no interest in any team playing.

Perhaps an exception to is Baylor and University of Houston. Throwback to the Southwest Conference. Sic ‘Em Bears! That is on FOX tomorrow at 11:00. At the same hour on ESPN there is Tulsa and Oklahoma State. Go Pokes!

And perhaps Stephen F. Austin and University of Texas @ San Antonio. This is interesting only if you attended either university or better if the parental unit graduated from SFA and the children graduated from the UTSA. PLUS there is 12-ounce beer and four quarters to the game.  Ax ‘Em Jacks. This is on ESPN3 for you streamers.

The one item to snark about is the majority of the LSU football players tested positive for COVID. Guess it hard to not party in Baton Rouge. HWIT – the winner of the SEC will be the healthiest team still on its feet in November.

Since there is so little snark, I devised another thought question for you.  Many of us are spending an extraordinary time in our homes. This leads to endless hours of time wasted by watching television.  Since March I have seen every episode on the Investigative Discovery (ID) Channel and am currently working on the OWN. FYI – They will always find you from the cameras at Walmart. And the spouse usually did it. But I digress.

The point is that we are watching television.  So here is your assignment.

Rank the following television commercials from one to four in terms of irritation and obnoxiousness with one being “it is only on for 30 seconds” and four “where is the damn remote mute button.”

  • Joe Namath hawking Medicare
  • William Shatner hawking the sleep machine cleaner
  • LiMu Emu and Doug hawking insurance – you may substitute the creepy fortune teller in the booth
  • Any commercial of your choice that deals with the release of bodily fluids or deals with bodily functions, including but not limited to your intestinal tract or your urinary tract

As you are ranking these television commercials, please notice that they all air just about the time you are sitting down to dinner.  

Until next Friday, when real football begins, have a nice weekend. Stay safe and wear your mask.

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Good Morning Class to those of you who have sufficient access and bandwidth. FYI – I told you in 2012 in my last Doctor Hat professional job, when I wrote the report to the United States Congress, that there was not enough bandwidth in the 50 states and Us territories to provide sufficient and equal online/distance learning.  Google me.

During these wicked times, it is important to keep one’s mind sharp and active. Therefore, I have prepared some activities for you. There is no time limit.

  1. If Train A leaves the station travelling at 65 miles per hour and Train B leaves the station traveling at 85 miles per hour in the opposite direction, how many glasses of wine can you drink before the two trains collide?
  2. John, Jane, Jeff, and Joan are each holding a coin. John’s coin is larger in cents than Joan’s. Joan’s coin is larger in cents than Jeff’s. But Jane’s family owns the liquor store so who do you like best?
  3. The radius of a 12-inch circle is the length of the line from the center to any point on the circle. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
  4. Which one of these objects do not belong?
    1. Wine
    1. Wine
    1. Wine
    1. Spinach
  5. Diagram the following sentence.
    1. “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to Separation.”

Answers are due by midnight tonight.

Homework

Stay safe. Wear your mask.

And the wildfires – I have many friends in California and Oregon. I have heard from families in California who are safe, but the air is unbreathable, and they are unable to go outdoors. I have not heard from my Oregon friends, but one of the towns in Oregon where a friend lives has been in the news because it was destroyed.

Also, I have friends in the path of Hurricane Sally.

So please do your Deity and think of them and all of the others in Mother Nature’s wrath.

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

While it is true that Here’s What I’m Thinking has been in semi-quarantine (grocery store and gym), the truer reason is this. It is so dang hard to be happy and cheerful during The COVID Era. But perhaps the return of college football will spark some energy.

The awards usually follow a Snarky Friday about teams, but it just didn’t seem appropriate since last Friday was 9/11. Nineteen years later I still remember every detail from the moment the American Airlines plane I was on sat down in New Orleans until I reached Austin.

But let me see if I have any awards to hand out.

Let’s begin with an award that goes to every team that played. May I present you with the It Shows That There Was No Spring Practice Award. Most teams looked as though they would have difficulty against Our Sisters of the Perpetually Poor. Games were filled with false starts, illegal motions, lack of timing and favorite poor tackling.

The Blow-Out/Upset Award goes to each winning school in the Big 12 Conference. As in previous years, there are only ten universities and only four are located in Texas.

But if your Big 12 school won, it was a blow out. If your Big 12 lost, it was an upset. Better luck next week.

There is no Poopy Undies Award because games were not really close in score. Oh wait. Let’s give a Poopy Undies Award to Tortilla Tech who barely beat Houston Baptist 35 to 33. Houston Baptist? Nobody goes to HB to play football.

The award for No Spittle in the Air goes to the referee crews who used some kind of whistling gadget that when a button is pushed a shrill whistling sound can be heard in the next county. This was used rather than whistles to avoid spit droplets. (Most used a Fox 40 Classic – you can get one at your Walmart)

I would be remiss if I did not give The Cardboard Fan Cut Out Award to each team.  Strange, but less booing of teams and referees,

However, the best award goes to B. J. Forester formerly of THE University of Texas at Austin. Mr. Forester receives the “Not ‘til Gabriel Blows His Horn for Me Award” for leaving the game and quitting the team in the third quarter.

Perhaps next week’s games will be more exciting. Bad football is better than no football. We can continue to wait until real college football season begins when the SEC plays. It just means more.

Stay safe. Wear a mask.