Category Archives: Education

Wednesday, August 14, 2019 – When Histamines Attack! Or Vicks to the Rescue and More!

Wednesday, August 14, 2019 – When Histamines Attack! Or Vicks to the Rescue and More!

Good Day! I am here today with my colleague Dr. Pepper, and we are presenting a public service announcement with information learned recently when the histamines attacked.

Recently, the Histamines, from the Isthmus of Histamonia, attacked my nasal passages, my throat, my lungs, my eyes, and probably other body parts I was not aware of. In a frantic search I immediately ingested all types of ANTI histamines including the jar of Vicks Vapor Rub to rid myself of my inner mucus.

In so doing and being bored, but between nose blowing and coughing, I found the following website that should be essential knowledge to all regarding Histamines and other forms microbes that attack the human body.

There are 40 uses listed, but I only list My Twelve Favorites.

http://www.shareably.net/vicks-vaporub-problems-solve/

Today, you will be able to list at least twelve major uses of Vicks as defined below. Then for your assessment of understanding, we will draw a random number and you must demonstrate the corresponding use of Vicks. To receive credit for this online class, you must send a pic of you demonstrating the number of use drawn. Ready? My comments are in italics.

  1. Chest Rub – Rub Vicks on your chest when congested. We all know this works. The research of The Big Bang Theory’s Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler support the hypothesis that use of Vicks on the chest and the singing of Soft Kitty hastens wellness and decreases mucus.
  2. Night coughs – Rub Vicks on the bottom of your feet and then put on socks to prevent night coughing. Research indicates this works, but so does a shot of Nyquil and why does it not work in the daytime to stop coughing?
  3. Neosporin replacement – If you run out of Neosporin, use VapoRub as a replacement. Spread a thin layer around the wounded area (splinters, cuts, etc.) to help accelerate the healing process. It also helps protect against germs and bacteria. Number one – why are you out of Neosporin?
  4. Treat acne – You can put some VapoRub on your pimples, acne, or other blemishes and leave it on overnight. When you wash it off in the morning your blemish should be gone. Try this remedy of other skin treatments aren’t working for you. If you have to use Vicks for acne treatment, call 1-555-Dermatolgist.
  5. Fight toenail fungus Thymol is one of the main ingredients in Vicks VapoRub and is great for blocking the growth of fungus because of its antiseptic, antimicrobial and antibacterial properties. All you have to do is rub some of it on the bed of your nail and toenail to get rid of the fungus. It does not say how long this routine is carried out. Wear socks until it goes away.
  6. As bug repellent – Apply a thin layer of VapoRub to exposed skin, and it will repel annoying insects like mosquitoes. This is perfect for camping or when traveling through humid areas. The strong scent will deter bugs from coming your way. It will also keep others from coming your way. Just stay indoors.
  7. Want to get rid of fat and cellulite? – Apply some VapoRub mixed with camphor, baking soda, and a little bit of alcohol. Rub this mixture on the area you want to slim down and cover it with plastic wrap. Do you drink the alcohol or mix it with the Vicks?
  8. Relieve sore muscles – The menthol in Vicks can help to not only offer a refreshing cool to your skin, but it can also help to improve your blood circulation. After physical activity, just grab some Vicks and rub it onto any areas that are experiencing soreness. This should provide relief and comfort to any painful areas. If you don’t want to smell like Ben Gay or Walter, this could be an alternate smell.
  9. Keep your horse focused – If you ride horses, listen up. You can keep a horse from getting distracted by the scent of female horses by applying some VapoRub under his nose. No need to let mating season stop you from going on a ride. No one likes a distracted horse. I wonder if it works on men?
  10. Get rid of warts – Have a nasty wart that suddenly appeared? No problem. Apply VapoRub to your warts twice a day for two weeks. Cover the area with gauze in between until the wart disappears. It also helps if you go outside, face the East, bury an unwashed potato at midnight and turn around three times.
  11. Hide bad smells – Everyday life can build up into some bad smells. Whether it’s from a baby’s diaper or taking out the trash, relieve the bad smell by making your own Vick’s air freshener or applying some under your nose. Your sinuses will thank you. Remember? Clarisse did this in Silence of the Lambs?
  12. Treat hemorrhoids – Hopefully you won’t have to use Vick’s VapoRub for this reason. But fun fact, for small, itchy hemorrhoids, apply Vick’s on there and let the menthol drown out the itch. But make sure to know if you can tolerate the burn first by testing Vick’s on another part of your body. WTH!

Now for your assessment. The number drawn is …

Sorry. The number drawn is Number 12. Please make a video of your face upon application! PLEASE!!!

Monday, August 5, 2019

Monday, August 5, 2019

Today prepare for an intellection! Intellection is a noun that means the action of understanding; the exercise of the intellect; reasoning.

Today, I am mopping my kitchen floor. I mop it every other month whether it needs it or not. I keep trying for an artistic endeavor to see if the red spilled spaghetti sauce or the multiple brown spots of coffee will invoke a design of spirituality that can be shown as artwork. You know, like those tortillas that have the face of Jesus? Or faces in the bark of trees? So far I have only managed a sneaker footprint that would make a crime lab proud and some large gray spots that resemble clouds.

My desire is to spill something on the floor that shapes into something that will cause the really bad news team from Bryan to come for an interview. Then I can begin to charge admission for people to come see the kitchen floor miracle artwork.

So today I am cleaning the floor canvas (tile) in order to start again. My ultimate goal is to get a large spot on the floor that resembles Reveille – the First Lady of Aggieland.

Oh well there goes the intellection. So much for the intellect and reasoning. I have to go mop the floor.

Wednesday, July 31, 2019 – “At the End of Regulation…”

Wednesday, July 31, 2019 – “At the End of Regulation…”

I just love a barbershop quartet – especially a smack talking foursome. I think I will hire these guys for Snarky Football Fridays. Consider today official Snarky Football Fridays practice.

This is a video you will want to watch several times to catch it all.  Be sure to watch the quartet’s lapel buttons.

Let’s sing along – four part harmony only!

“…Alabama! Alabama! Since Saban came…”

GIG ‘EM AGGIES! “At the end of regulation …”

https://youtu.be/AG3aeeBUp9c

 

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Sometime over this weekend someone will post the number of Saturdays, the actual number of days, and the hours and minutes until college football kickoff. It might be me, but it could any one of you anxiously waiting for our favorite teams to fill the weekend TV screens.

Media Days began on Monday, July 15, and marked the unofficial start of college football season. Therefore, we have the start of Unofficial Snarky Friday. Snarky Friday is where I post my snarky comments regarding college football.

Media Days is the week when representatives from the NCAA Division I football conferences congregated in front of the media. Coaches and young men appear all dressed up, speak and answer questions from various sports media outlets.

This is the time where you hear words and phrases such as:

  • One game at a time
  • Big shoes to fill at that position
  • Big number of starters returning
  • Outstanding freshman
  • Seasoned quarterback
  • Alabama keeps whining (hey I am just paraphrasing ESPN)
  • New head coach and
  • A most difficult schedule.

As you know this blog is about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Let’s first take a look at the Big 12 – Really Only 10 – Conference. It consists of THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University, seven other schools and Kansas that prays for basketball season to arrive. The Red River Rivalry is going to be fun, fun, fun. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Jalen Hurts won the Heisman?

Now to the – It Just Means More Conference – the SEC. I conducted a comparative analysis of the Texas Aggie Football Schedule and the SEC media days. Here’s what I’m thinking:

Media Day Schools – July 15

Florida – Do Not Care

Missouri – Really Do Not Care

LSU – Happy Thanksgiving! November 30. I shall wear my 7 OT Shirt from last year’s victory.

Media Day Schools – July 16

Mississippi – October 19 – Off to Oxford.

Tennessee – Nope!

Texas A&M – Significantly biased

Georgia – Oh crap! November 23 in Athens and seven days before LSU!

Media Day Schools – Wednesday, July 17

Arkansas – OMG! Winter is coming! September 28 in Arlington with a possibility of Nick Starkle at QB!

I am not sitting next to the damn pig this year.

Alabama – OMG! Winter is coming! October 10. Twelfth Man in the Stands! And in the streets and the whole Brazos Valley.

Mississippi State – OMG! Winter is coming! And so are the cowbells. October 26.

South Carolina – OMG! Winter is coming! But the only chicken we like is the Dixie Chicken.

Media Day Schools – Thursday, July 18

Auburn – September 21 – September 21 – the first of the three A’s. (Auburn, Arkansas and Alabama)

Kentucky – Do Not Care

Vanderbilt – Do Not Care

I am not aware if football schedules are given names that parallel similar physical events. But if so, I would like to name the Texas Aggie football schedule the following:

The 2019 Texas Aggie Football Root Canal, Gynecological/Prostate Exam and Hot Water Enema Schedule

Did I mention the Aggies play Clemson on September 7?

 

Tuesday, July 16, 2019 – Tuesday Profundity

Tuesday, July 16, 2019 – Tuesday Profundity

Whoever said “April is the cruelest month,” never lived in Texas in the summer. Dang it is hot. Feels like being in Hell wearing gasoline underwear.

Speaking of underwear… I know; the transition is a stretch, but so is the underwear.

I was actually planning to write something profound and highly intelligent sounding today. While the day began quite well, it was shortly after I got to the gym that everything did a complete 180.

I was doing a five minute warm-up on the elliptical. Into about minute one of the exercise, I realized something was amiss among the nether region. Nevertheless, I finished exercise, stepped down and calmly walked to the Women’s Room.

I not only had my spandex undershorts on backwards, they were wrong side out. In my attempt to correct, I almost dropped my outer, regular shorts in the toilet. Therefore, I am not writing anything profound other than “Check your underwear before you go out.”

Stay cool.

Don’t Mess With Our Blue Bell!

“April is the cruelest month,” by T. S. Eliot, is the opening like of The Waste Land.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Attention Texas Aggies, English teachers, Texas Aggie English teachers and readers of all sorts of books!

I am waiting for my vacation pictures to be developed. What that means is I have been too lazy to get my pictures from last weekend’s trip to Fredericksburg loaded on the computer, organized, sorted, and resized. I only had three cameras. I know I made Honeyboy proud by taking so many photographs.

Meanwhile, these two books are a must read. They are total opposite in nature.

Melanie Shankle – Everyday Holy – Finding a Big God in the Little Moments of Life.

Melanie Shankle is a Former Student of Texas A&M University (WHOOP!) who lives in Texas. Her book was given to me as a gift because the giver said “She writes like you do.” That is a great compliment because like Ms. Shankle, I try to be humorous, clever, spiritual and religious, and often irreverent. I would like ask her though – “What’s with the glossy pages?” I have to keep tilting the book to adjust the glare.

Casey Cep – Furious Hours

If you are from Alabama, know someone from Alabama, went to the University of Alabama, root for Alabama, ever visited or driven through Alabama, and/or like Alabama history and politics this is a must read.

If you ever read In Cold Blood and To Kill a Mockingbird, this is a must read.

If you ever heard of Truman Capote and Harper Lee, this is a must read.

Now I must go and check on my vacation pictures.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019 – Go Vandy!

Wednesday, June 26, 2019 – Go Vandy!

The winner of tonight’s College World Series will be decided. Tonight is Game three in the final best two of three series between Vanderbilt and Michigan. The series is tied. I am picking Vanderbilt and here’s why.

  • I have been to Nashville.
  • I have never been to Ann Arbor.
  • Vanderbilt is in the SEC.
  • Great Uniforms
    • The military look looks good on the players. In the final regional game Vandy wore an army brown and in game one of the CWS the players wore a drab olive green. It is difficult to wear a dirt brown and drab olive uniform and still be able to pull it off with red, white, and blue accessories and patches.
    • Pinstripes – I am a sucker for pinstripes. The black uniforms with gold pinstripes were outstanding. They too were accessorized with gold and white colors.

Here’s what I’m thinking. Tonight, as Vanderbilt faces off against Michigan, the Vandy players should wear Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, with a gold and white jersey and black lettering. It just seems right, don’t you think?

Win it for Gloria and the rest of the SEC!

 

Friday, June 21, 2019 The Summer Solstice

Friday, June 21, 2019 – The Summer Solstice

At 10:54 a.m. CDT today the summer solstice is noted. Head out to your local Stonehenge for celebrating.

The Stonehenge of Texas – Doesn’t every state have one?

Today is the longest day of the year with the longest hours of sunlight. After today, we slowly begin our decent into darkness until we fall back with a time change. This means it is dark by 5:30 p.m.

This is awesome because it means we are getting closer to football season and one does not have to feel guilty about going to bed when it still light outside – like at 6:00 p.m.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019 – The Word of the Day

Tuesday, June 18, 2019 – The Word of the Day

Good Morning, Boys and Girls.

Good morning, Dr. Dimwiddie.

Our vocabulary word for the day is “epiphonema.”

It means a sentence that is an exclamation, a general striking comment, or a succinct summary of what has previously been said.

Let us use it in a sentence. “What a great song!”

This, of course refers to the lovely lyrics …

“Tall and tan, and young and lovely, the girl from epiphonema goes walking

And when she passes, each one she passes goes – ah…”

Face plant cat!

Friday, June 7, 2019 – Do You Ever Wonder?

Friday, June 7, 2019 – Do You Ever Wonder?

Do you ever wonder what the crime lab team would say if they had to come into your house if you had an accident while you were away?

Here’s what I’m thinking they might say upon entering my house.

  • Ooh, PHEW! She has a cat!
  • Not much of a house keeper, was she?
  • Did she have a date or is she just lazy and doesn’t pick her clothes up off of the floor? (I think we all know the answer to this one.)
  • Help, me! I’m stuck in the kitchen. To the floor!
  • Well, she did make her bed!

Stay cool this weekend. In Texas the weekend weather forecasts just post pictures of the hinges of Hell. Then again, God gave the Devil the choice of where to live – Hell or Texas in the summer. Heat index could be 107 degrees.