Monthly Archives: October 2020

Friday, October 30, 2020 – Spooky Snarky Friday

It promises to be an Edward Bulwer-Lytton weekend – aka – It was a dark and stormy night.  Mr.Bulwer- Lytton was the first to use the cliché. Of course, it was not a cliché in 1830.

Nevertheless, we have a full moon, which is also a Blue Moon, Halloween, followed by the dreaded Fall Back time change and then the election of a lifetime.

Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Thank you, Ms. Bette Davis.

Moving downfield toward football. First, we have the COVID victories

Trevor Lawrence of Clemson

Wisconsin and Nebraska game canceled.

But for teams I like and teams that play teams I like we have some potentially good games .

Kicking off Saturday will be Georgia and Kentucky on the SEC Network @ 11:00 – Sorry, no Blue Moon of Kentucky for you, Wildcats.

I don’t know, nor do I care who else is playing in the 11:00 time slot. I am going to the grocery and liquor store to get my Election Night supplies.

But at 2:30 we have LSU and Auburn on CBS. – Can the Auburn “magic” repeat? Or have the referees actually read a rule book and/or got their vision checked at their local optometrist?

These are the teams whose fans must endure or mute Gary Danielson who will be talking throughout the game.

My and obviously others’ impression of Gary.

1. “The left guard really opened the play for the running back who just gained 52 yards.  It reminds me of Joe Nobody Remembers in the 1998 Rose Bowl Game…”

2. Texas A&M and others – “Yes, it was a 98-yard kick-off return for the Aggies, but the opposing defense never gave up on chasing him. Reminds me of the 2000 Cotton Bowl…”

3. “The running back went to the right. I don’t know what kind of play call that was. I certainly would not have called a play like that…”

I am not the only one. Apparently, CBS has been inundated with requests to remove the biased, rambling commentator, with apparently a large contingency coming from the SEC. But good news is that after this year, CBS will no longer hold a broadcasting contract with the SEC. The rest of you conferences are on your own.

Upon my return from the grocery store, I shall watch TCU and Baylor at 2:30 on ESPN2. This is a much bigger rivalry than one thinks.

Ole Miss and Vanderbilt on the SEC at 3:00 – Kiffie takes out his and the Rebels frustrations on Vanderbilt.

At 3:00 on FOX we have what promises to be an exciting game between Texas University and Oklahoma State University. It will be the last opportunity for THE University of Texas to save some element of face.

Oklahoma at Texas Tech 7:00 on Fox – Given the way each team has played, this could be a toss-up.

We have Mississippi State versus Alabama at 6:00 on ESPN – Oh, Pirate Mike? Is this your first game against St. Nick? You are going to need more than one play. If any team knows how to defend a Run and Shoot, it is Alabama. Once again, have you thought of using The Wishbone? It is not just a series from the 1990’s about a dog.

And opposite the Tide Rolling over State, there is Arkansas versus Texas A&M at 6:30 on the SEC Network. This is always a thrilling game – even when Arkansas was bad, games resulted in Overtimes.  Thus, this is going to be dependent on which teams show up to play.  Did I mention it is Halloween during a Blue Moon? If the Aggies are “For Real” now will be the time to show it. But the game is in Spooky Kyle Field with an extremely high decibel level. 

BTHO Arkansas!

Stay safe. Wear your mask. And VOTE!

Monday, October 26, 2020 – Dreary Awards

Once upon a season dreary

While we pondered weak and weary…

I am giving the entire Big 12 the Poe Award. Not for Edgar Allan Poe, but because they all looked poe (poor)

Baylor 16 Texas 27

K-State 55 Kansas 14

OU 33 TCU 14

Iowa State 21 OSU 24 – I do award Oklahoma State Best Uniforms. Of course any thing would look good against Iowa State uniforms.

West Virginia 27 TT 34

With the return of the Big 10 we have Back Home Again, in Indiana – Penn State 35 Indiana 36 –– Indiana wins The Pylon Award for just barely hitting the pylon on the goal line to win in overtime on a controversial call. Penn State, however, does win the Ugly Uniforms – always a perennial favorite.

Speaking of perennial and controversial calls… Auburn once again wins on a controversial call late in 4^th Quarter AGAIN! How many is this? Once is an observation. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a science. Auburn wins a Hank Williams Award for Your Cheating Heart. And the referring crew wins the Helen Keller Stevie Wonder Award. Auburn 35 Ole Miss 28

The Dr. Sheldon Cooper Award goes to CBS Booth Mouth Gary Danielson for an being obnoxious know it all. CBS? Please get rid of him.

Cincinnati wins the Three Amigos Injury Award for all being injured on the same play. Cincinnati SMU.

SFA and Abilene Christian – Shirts Off Award goes to the Stephen F. Austin coach and the Lumberjacks for winning in OT.

http://www.espn.com/video/clip?id=30183881

Sadly, the last award for this week is the Pyrrhus of Egypt Award from which we get the term “Pyrrhic victory.” It refers to a success that is gained at such a high price that victory is costly. On the opening kickoff.  Alabama lost their wide receiver Jaylen Waddle with an ankle injury. Alabama 48 Tennessee 17

Do you realize that there is a full moon, which is a blue moon, that falls on Halloween, followed by the time change and followed by one of the biggest presidential elections in your lifetime? And they all occur within four days of each other? Quote the Raven “Nevermore.”

Stay safe. Wear your mask. And be sure to vote.

Friday, October 23, 2020 – Snarky Friday

It was a dark and stormy night. Actually, it is a dark and stormy afternoon. But the thunderstorms promise to bring perfect football weather for the weekend this evening and tomorrow.

Let’s see who is playing and who gets a Snark. At 2:30 we find the Baylor Bears playing against THE University of Texas in DKR-Memorial Stadium in Austin. You can see it on ESPN.

The bigger question for this game is “Will the Longhorn Band play ‘The Eyes of Texas’?” Band members, including the drum major, are upset that the school song has racist roots and was played at minstrel shows until the 1960’s.  Excuse me, young ones. THE University is known for its great protests, but your attempt at revisionist history is not one of them. If you do not like the school’s song, then do not attend that school. And certainly do not aspire to be in the band if you are not going to play the song.  Besides it ain’t Dixie and it ain’t The Battle Hymn of the Republic as in “Glory, glory to old Georgia”; If I recall the last line of that was once “The South shall rise again.”

You cannot change what is past. So either play the damn song or get out of the band.

Elsewhere in the BIG 12 (as if we care) on FS1 we have Kansas and Kansas State, OU and TCU at 11:00 on ABC, Iowa State and Oklahoma State on Fox at 2:30 and WVa and Tortilla Tech on ESPN@ at 4:30.

Since few of those games look appealing, one can turn to Auburn and Ole Miss on the SEC network at 11:00. Talk about some racist roots school songs.

Poor Alabama and Tennessee. At 2:30 on CBS we must either endure or mute Gary Danielson – the Biased Booth Mouth. Perhaps the TIDE will roll over him or maybe a Volunteer will offer their analysis saving us from Gary just being anal.

South Carolina and LSU kickoff on ESPN at 6:00. Tigers might appear sloppy again.  At least the screeching chicken will not be there.

Of course this is the week the teams from the Big 10 show up wanting to play. HWIT. Wow. This 2020 season is going to have many many asterisks. Three asterisks in a row is call a dinkus and can be used to censor an expletive. So what do I think about the Big 10 Conference schools showing up at mid-point? F***! Dinkus

Wear your mask. Be sure you vote. And the Aggies will be back next week to BTHO Arkansas!

Monday, October 19, 2020 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Let’s kickoff the awards show with Tennessee. I give the Volunteers the Beach Shoe Award for Kentucky being a Flip and Tennessee being a Flop. Glad that I am not on Rocky Flop. Kentucky 34 – Tennessee 7

A Poopy Undies Award goes to the Auburn and South Carolina Fans – even the cardboard ones. South Carolina Gamecocks receive The Historical Award for their first victory over Auburn since 1933 (Yes, 1933, Herbert Hoover was the President.)

Auburn receives The Controversy Award once again this week for ending the game in a controversial, under review regarding intentional grounding and an complete or incomplete pass. Here, Auburn, take the Look at the Rule Book Trophy too. Auburn 22 and South Carolina 30.

One other award for South Carolina – It is the Shut That Damn Screeching Bird Up! It sounds as though alley cats are in heat.

To the Arkansas Razorbacks I give the Etta James Award for At Last, a victory. It’s time to put those red, plastic pig snout hats on and call the Hogs. Hogs 33 – Ole Miss 21. Get your Halloween on, Hogs and the Aggies will see you in Kyle Field.

Texas A&M and Mississippi State. Both teams receive a PETA Award for the animal rights activist being escorted off the field by the Mississippi State Police before kickoff. I am not certain if the protest was against Reveille or Bully.

I would like to present Emmanuel Forbes of Mississippi State with The Big Solid Award for intercepting Kellen Mond on a freak deflection interception and returning it for a touchdown.  Google the play if you did not see it. The ball went 15 yards forward, bounced off of a player and went 15 yards backwards.

To the Texas A&M Aggies, I give the Box of Raisins Award. Just because you are 3-1 with no ranked teams left to play, do not get above your raisin and get overconfident.

To Mike Leach: OK -The score was Texas A&M 28 and 14. One defensive squirrely score and one offensive score late in the game. I told you it would come down to the faster, better hands and fewer penalties.  Even the mouths at the half-time shows are wondering if the one play of Everybody Run and Somebody Try to Catch the Ball offensive will work in the SEC.  I give Mike the Jack Sparrow Award and present him with a link to the wishbone offense.

Speaking of Mouths, once again Gary Danielson of CBS receives the PLEASE Do Not Speak Award! Let’s all contact CBS with criticism. When the Big Names in college football talk about His Awfulness, and his biased calls of games, I know it is not just me. Just Mute Gary!

To Georgia I give an award for It was Fun While It Lasted. Alabama receives the Rebound Award for returning after the half with a vengeance. Alabama/Georgia 41-24.

While there were many candidates for the Exploding Head Coach, with Jimbo and Muschamp always contenders, the award goes to Nick Saban. Glad you are OK Coach.

Wear your mask. Vote.

October 16, 2020 – Snarky Friday in Spite of COVID

There are so many games postponed that Snark decided to postpone Snarky Friday until the afternoon.

Tonight we have SMU and Tulane on ESPN @ 5:00 followed by BYU and University of Houston. This is as of the afternoon. Go Ponies! Go Shasta!

For Saturday, who’s playing and who’s postponed?

First from the Big 12

Baylor and Oklahoma State game postponed.

Texas Tech, TCU, and Iowa State appear to be off this weekend. With OU and TU having a wound licking, defense hunting bye week, that leaves West Virginia and Kansas on Fox @ 11:00.

Maybe if there were actually 12 teams in the Big 12 there would be more games.

To the SEC

LSU and Florida postponed.

Vanderbilt and Missouri postponed.

But we do have I dream of Jeannie with the light brown air – aka Auburn – playing South Carolina at 11:00 on ESPN. I hope SC wears those black uniforms again. I hope Auburn misses the bus.

Or there is Kentucky and Tennessee at 11:00 on the SEC Network. Blue checkerboard squares versus faded orange checkerboard squares.

At 2:30 the Arkansas Razorbacks take on Kiffie and Old Miss on the SEC Network. Tusk? Watch for sign stealing; exploding Head Coach Kiffie, blind referees and please bring a substantial defense. Soooey Pigs!

At the Almost Happy Hour, but Five O’clock somewhere time of 3:00 it will be game of maroon and white with Mississippi State Bulldogs and the Texas A&M Aggies on ESPN. Will the cowbells ring? Now, Mike Air Raid. The entire SEC knows your one play, so this will be a case of who is faster, with better hands, and no interference penalties.  

And, Mike? For the number of times Michael Crabtree and Texas Tech beat almost every team in the Big 12, including TAMU years, in a last minute touchdown play to spoil their season and/or bowl selection — I hope your receivers miss the ball at least that many times (for Texas, Baylor, A&M and Oklahoma State) and then some. Revenge is often served cold.

Georgia and Alabama at 7:00 on CBS. Oh crap on a cracker! That means Gary Danielson – Worst ever! Never stops talking! We don’t care what you say! Just shut up, man!  Other than Motor Mouth this will be a good one. Just Mute Gary!

We do wish Coach Saban and AD Burns speedy recoveries from their recent COVID testing positive. We also wish a speedy recovery for the Alabama defense and hope they are for real this week. ROLL TIDE!

BTHO Mississippi State

Wear the mask. Stay safe. And DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

I felt like doing a little Shakespeare today. So here from the balcony of Inverness we have the Thane of Glamis himself, Macbeth.

Life’s but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Act VI Scene 5