Friday, June 22, 2018 – Baseball, Omaha and Snarky Friday!
To the Big 12 (which are really only 10 schools) Conference and the Other Conferences:
SEC! It just means more!
Let’s Go Mississippi State Bulldogs!
Reveille sends her love to Bully!
Friday, June 22, 2018 – Baseball, Omaha and Snarky Friday!
To the Big 12 (which are really only 10 schools) Conference and the Other Conferences:
SEC! It just means more!
Let’s Go Mississippi State Bulldogs!
Reveille sends her love to Bully!
Friday, August 11, 2017 – Snarky Football Friday
In less than a month, Snarky Friday becomes official. Until college football kickoff we must deal with what little Snark information there is. But let us begin anyway.
The college football polls are being released. I think the pollsters picked Alabama first, then some combination of Ohio State, Michigan, Clemson, Washington in the top five. The remaining twenty schools were names drawn from a helmet.
For example, listed in the top 25 centering on numbers 23, 24 or 25 depending on the poll, we have THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. I actually hope Herman and the Horns can make a good run. Amazing what hope a name and big bucks can bring. Reminder: Last year your record was 3-7 overall and 3-6 in the Big 12 Conference so it is going to require much work. May I reminder the Bevo Boosters that Number 1. You are in the Big 12 Conference with Kansas, Iowa State and Texas Tech. Obviously you have repressed those games. Maybe this game too.
Number 2 you must play Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, K-State and West Virginia who are all ranked above you. But Hook ‘Em Hippies. I guess it too early to say “Wait until next year” when it will be more realistic.
Ranking the Horns at Number 23 is as stupid as ranking the Aggies at number 25. All about that name, right? But at least the schools ahead of the Aggies are in the powerful SEC and one of them will win the SEC Championship and the Football National Championship. Roll Tide or Geaux Tigers and no, The Aggies are not interested in playing the Burnt Orange or any other color of orange for that matter. If the Aggies are going to have time run out before we can win, we like to have it happen with quality teams. Snark out.
Monday, July 17, 2017 – Monday After in 49 More Days SEC and Big 12 Media Days
This time in 49 more days will be the first post of My Monday after College Football Awards 2017. These of course are presented by me, based on the performance of teams I like and teams that play teams I like from the weekend games. These awards include, but are not limited to the ugliest uniforms with a separate category just for helmets. Note: Oregon and Baylor are usually standouts in the category, but any team with orange usually has a shot at ugliest.
Until then it is still The Talking Season. What did the teams talk about?
The SEC football Media days concluded last week. There are 14 teams that make up the Southeastern Conference. Thirteen of them were asked how they would prepare to beat Alabama.
Texas Aggie coach, Kevin Sumlin, was asked about pressure to win. He responded with a grammatically incorrect sentence something like “No one puts more pressure on me than me.”
SEC guru, Paul Finebaum, predicts the Aggies will finish fifth in the SEC West behind Alabama, Auburn, LSU, and Arkansas. Three of those four are national championship contenders. Arkansas is just pissed because they have not beaten the Aggies.
This leaves the Aggies above number six, Mississippi State and number seven, Ole Miss in the SEC West. And Ole Miss is on probation. Hotty Toddy!
This week we have media days for the misnamed Big 12 Conference. It is misnamed because there are only 10 teams. The big news is a conference playoff game between the top two teams. Unfortunately, this could be Bedlam Part II and no team from the Big 12 in Texas plays.
Most of the Big 12 teams have the same teams as last year. Bad ones. But the influx of new coaches will make it interesting to watch.
There are some hot coaching seats in the Big 12. Apparently TT Red Raiders are no longer enamored by the hot looks of Coach Kliff Kingsbury and would rather have victories. Note: TT refers to Tortilla Throwers, the school formerly known as Texas Tech.
THE University of Texas is picked to finish fourth by the media behind Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Kansas State. But they are picked to finish first of the Big 12 Schools located in Texas. Does that count? Remember there are only ten schools in the Big 12 Conference so that makes them slightly better than average.
That is enough talk for today. I am taking a timeout. I must go see what the Coaches are wearing for Big 12 Media Day. It is an award category.
Monday, November 21, 2016 -The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards and the Best College Team Football Team in Texas
Let’s begin with the UGLY Awards and there are many to be awarded.
First Place Ugly Award for really ugly is presented to THE University of Texas who somehow lost to a one (1) and nine (9) Kansas team in overtime no less. Perhaps it was those ugly blue bunting bird looking uniforms KU wore. (Thank you Dr. K.) The last time THE University of Texas lost to Kansas was 1938. Write that on your Rock Chalk, Jayhawk sidewalk.
The Star-Kist Tuna Award – Sorry, Charlie – is awarded to Head Coach Charlie Strong of The University of Texas. I sincerely thought and hoped it would be a good fit for all. The good news is that lots of coaches have FOR SALE signs in their front yards too with more coming soon.
With a possible FOR SALE sign in his yard, we have the Second Place Ugly Award presented to Texas Tech for losing to Iowa State 66 -10.Tech scored when the Iowa State women’s soccer team took over in the fourth quarter.
Third Place Ugly Award is presented to Baylor University losing to K-State 42-21.
Fourth Place Ugly Award is presented to the Texas Aggies for surviving 23-10 against The University of Texas @ San Antonio.
This presents a distinct possibility that Texas A&M and Baylor will meet in the We Suck Bowl to be played in a big high school stadium somewhere between Houston and Dallas.
In Other Awards
The Cat that Ate the Cardinal Award goes to The University of Houston Cougar(s) who ate the Cardinals of Louisville 36 to 10 spoiling all Louisville hopes for a big bowl and maybe Lamar’s Heisman hopes. Nice cat smile, Shasta.
The Snow Globe Game Award– Snow U/OU Award goes to OU vs. W.Va. – OU 56 West Virginia 28. I am glad OU wore red pants with their white jerseys; otherwise one would have lost them in the snow and on the field after it stopped snowing. West Virginia still was unable to find them on the field – red pants and all.
The Taste like Chicken Award goes Pistol Pete and the Cowboys of Oklahoma State as they dined on frog legs defeating TCU 31-6.
This sets up the Big 12 Conference Title to be determined at Bedlam next week. Notice: neither of the schools is in Texas.
Michigan and Ohio State both receive Poopy Undies Awards with Ohio State escaping Michigan State 17 to 16. Michigan had more difficulty than anticipated winning over Indiana 20 to 10.
This sets up The Big Ten Title game between Ohio State and Michigan next week. I am going with the team that wears ugly helmets.
The Thanks for Participating Awards go to Alabama and Auburn. Both teams won handily, but both should have against Cupcake We’ll Take the Gate Receipts schools. This sets up the Iron Bowl next week. Roll Tide.
The Longest Yard Award goes to Florida for stopping LSU on the goal line on fourth and one to defeat the tigers and win the SEC East. Score: Florida – 16 to LSU – 10. Yea. Guess who’s coming to College Station for Thanksgiving Dinner?
It was definitely a week of ugly in Texas football. But there is one bright orange spot coming out of Huntsville, Texas.
The best football school currently in the state of Texas is the #5 Sam Houston State University Bearkats. The Bearkats are undefeated for the second time in program history and will host the winner of Weber State and Chattanooga on Saturday, Dec. 3 at 2 p.m. from Bowers Stadium.
Perhaps there is National Champion Football Shirt from one of my alma maters in my future after all.
Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
GLOOM! DISPAIR! And AGONY!
Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water, the rankings in college football were shuffled like a cheap deck of bicycle playing cards.
Please note: No Poopy Undies Awards will be given today. At this point we are just going to go with the Oh Crap! Awards and every team, coach and fan receives one.
The first Oh Crap Award goes to every team that has played Alabama for the last four years as The Tide Rolls. Note: to Bama Fans – I only went back to Coach Sabin and did not count The Bear or G. Stallings or any of those the school claims and are recognized before playoffs when you were #1. Just so many. To The Crimson Tide – Congratulations for securing the SEC West. Roll Tide.
Other awards for teams are as follows. Let’s start with the Small (and getting smaller) 12 Conference teams.
First, to Baylor and Seth Russell here is a sincere heal soon wish. The BU QB gets the Joe Theisman Award for sustaining a stomach turning leg/ankle injury. You know it is bad when players from both sides jump up from the tackle pile screaming for help. But you really know it is bad when TV will not show the replay and the announcers are about to throw up.
In addition Baylor lost the game to OU 24 to 45. BU wins the Kiss Your Good Bowl Game Goodbye Award. Baker Mayfield is only a junior?
THE University of Texas wins the award for Not Quite Heaven, West Virginia for coming up short 24-20. The Exploding Head Coach Award goes the West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen and the referee who refused to grant his time out request.
The Tortilla TECH kicker wins the What’s the Point Award? For missing the point after try and allowing the Oklahoma State Cowboys to escape with a one point victory – 44-45. Bedlam should be most interesting – especially since it could be for The Big 12 Championship. NOTE: Not a happy face emoticon for a team NOT from Texas winning.
The Tigers of LSU win the Bacon and Roller Skates Award for rolling over Arkansas and continuing to roll along in the SEC WEST. LSU and Arkansas 38 to10. Can we skip Thanksgiving in College Station this year?
The Clean up on Aisle Week 11 and Pepto Dismal Awards go:
Auburn – for being upset by Georgia 13 to 7. Of course any team that plays Auburn is my favorite team. Go DAWGS!
The team formerly #2 Clemson wins the It’s the Pitts Award. The kicker for Pitt wins a That’s the Point Award for making a 48 yard field goal with 5 seconds left to play.
The team formerly # 3 Michigan loses 13 to 14 over Iowa. Iowa wins The Pittsburg Steelers Look Alike Uniforms Award. The kicker for Iowa wins a That’s the Point Award! for kicking the winning field goal to upset Michigan in the final seconds.
And on the West Coast the USC Trojans of California were high and happy by upsetting the team formerly # 4 Washington 26-13. The Huskies’ dog house might be damaged for a chance at playoffs.
The November to Dismember Award goes to the Texas A&M and Ole Miss game and everybody associated with it beginning with:
Number One. Whose bright idea was it at the SEC Network to not only let Brent Mushmouth call the Aggie/Ole Miss game, but to let him work alone the first half? It made me almost glad when Jesse Palmer joined him. At least he could call (maybe even see) the correct names and numbers of the players. Brent, if you are so “glad to be back in Texas and College Station” please learn to correctly pronounce the names of the towns in Texas.
Number Two. Texas A&M and Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy Tequila Shotty!
Number Three. The Just in Time for Christmas the Collapsible Defense Doll. This doll works like a charm until the 4th quarter. Then it lies down, collapses and dies.
Number Four. The Q&A with Coach Chavis – did you fall asleep during the fourth quarter? Was it Irritable Bowel Syndrome? What the hell happened? Whatever it was it was stinky! A true freshman, just unred-shirted quarterback playing his first game and IN KYLE FIELD in front of over 100,000!! I am awarding you the Ricky Ricardo Award because “Oh Lucy! You got some splaining to do!”
As always, “Texas Aggies, down in Aggieland; we’ve got spirit – to the man; STAND UNITED that’s the Aggie theme; we’re the 12th Man on the Team…”
Monday, November 7, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
Backstory for the new kids on the blog – I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. If your team is not mentioned let me know and I take it under consideration.
First from the West Coast – USC versus Oregon – I don’t even know the score, but you both receive the Rubber Duck Award.
Next on the list we have the Small 12 Conference or The Land of No Defenses.
THE University of Texas survived the plains of Lubbock with a victory over Tortilla Tech. (THE University 45 TT 37.) My favorite team is whoever is playing Tech.
Oklahoma State 43 K-State 37. Mullet Mike and The Cowboys survive. Both of you win a Poopy Undies Award for scaring your fans.
The Kick Off to Tip Off Awards goes to Baylor and TCU for posting a basketball score of TCU 62 Baylor 22 on the opening weekend of college basketball season. And the score was not the only Uglies coming from Waco.
An Ugly Uniform Award goes to Baylor. Fifty shades of Waco is not becoming. Gray is not colorful. Neither is black as in the black cloud of ugly that seems to be a stationary front over the institution. Therefore, Baylor also receives the Frozen Award – Let It Go!
Look, Bears Pooping in the Woods, it is bad enough without constant reminders of ugly. Please do not hang dirty laundry out your windows. Who gets the sales from the T-shirts?Focus on the low level bowl game invitation you will now receive.
Letting go of that, let’s move on to the Top 10 and the SEC where games are more exciting and stressful.
The Bringing Home the Alligator Bacon goes to the Hogs of Arkansas! (Arkansas 31 Florida 10) Sooey Pig over 11th ranked Florida. Another favorite team is whoever is playing any school from Florida.
To players Chip Kelly of Ole Miss; Trevor Knight and Myles Garrett of Texas A&M, the Nebraska QB and all the others: All of you receive the Heal Quickly Award. Will miss you next weekend, Chip. I wanted to see you play against the Aggies.
And now the top tiered top ten college football awards. These 10 teams are listed according to today’s AP listings. Tomorrow we see who The Selection Committee votes for the Who’s In Top Four. Larry Culpepper and Dr. Pepper seem to be winning above all the others.
# 1 Alabama and LSU – (Bama 10 – LSU 0) Please share the following awards:
# 2 Michigan Maryland (Michigan 59 MD 3.) Michigan wins the Turtle Wax Award for waxing the Terrapins. Wolverines like turtles.
# Clemson and Syracuse (Clemson 54 Syracuse 0) – Clemson Wins the Too Much Orange on the Field Award.
# 4 Washington and Cal (formerly known as Berkley.) (Washington 66 Cal 27) Huskies receive the In the Right Rankings Now Award.
# 5 Louisville and Boston College (Louisville 52 BC 7) – Lamar Looking Heisman Good Award.
# 6 Ohio State and Nebraska (Ohio State 62 Nebraska 3) – The Huskers receive the Fun While It Lasted Award. Corn headwear really looks stupid when you lose to a nut named Bucky.
The Really Don’t Deserve an Award goes to the following:
# 7 Wisconsin and Northwestern (Wisconsin 21 Northwestern 7) – Badgers preparing for a bowl game where it is warm.
# 8 AUBURN? AUBURN! A hair color? You beat Vanderbilt by a touchdown 23 – 16! ROLL TIDE!
# 9 OU versus Iowa State (OU 34 Iowa State 24) – Bedlam is coming soon and The Cowboys are coming with it!
Coming in at # 10 is Texas A&M – where the Aggies should have been in the first place. (Texas A&M 28 Mississippi State 35) What a shipwreck in Starksville.
Aggies you receive a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Award because we sucked as bad as the referees. Even I saw the block in the back on Captain Kirk’s punt return. Aggies win Pooper Scooper Award for leaving lots of it on the field.
Nevertheless, “We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we…” and we do not lose – time on the clock runs out. We got your back, Jake!
Tomorrow we see who the College Football Selection Committee votes for and who the citizens of The United States of America votes for. Please do not forget to cast your ballot. PS – we do not get to vote with the Selection Committee.
Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?
The College Football Selection Committee announced on Tuesday, “Who’s In?” These are the four football teams that would match up for a national championship if the season ended on Tuesday. But the season did not end on Tuesday. Nor will it end on Saturday, but the Who’s In can change.
Before we see Who’s In, let’s begin with Who’s UP and Who are you?
Who is (are) the Idiots of Sports Programming who schedule football games at 11:00 am in the morning?
Moving along to Who’s Out? – These are the teams currently deemed out of contention for a National Championship in college football. However, one or two may go to a nice bowl game while the remaining will play in lesser bowl games in prime vacation spots like Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, you can go to the casinos.
From the Who’s Out from the Small 12 Conference:
Falling backwards to yesterday, OU defeated Iowa State 34 to 24. Do not forget to “fall back” and set your clocks back this weekend.
Coming to you live from Lubbock, Texas at the unholy hour of 11:00 am on FS 1 THE University of Texas plays Tortilla Tech. Flying breakfast tacos.
This should be an offensive delight. Hook ‘Em Hippies!
At the reasonable hour of 2:30 FOX brings us Baylor and TCU. This would have been more exciting if last weekend had not happened to both teams.
On ABC @ 2:30 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State play the Wildkats of Kansas State. FYI, Ms. Navasota – Bill Snyder is alive. Love you, Pistol Pete!
Who’s In? And Who Could Be In?
Surprising all of football and delighting all of Aggieland, the #4 Texas A&M Aggies play the Mississippi State Bulldogs. This is at the ridiculous hour of 11:00 AM on the “you must pay for it with your cable” the SECN. One game at a time Aggies! Vote for Conner McQueen for President! Trevor Knight for VP. Platform: “Gig ‘Em!”
Following the Aggies on ESPN @ 2:30 the Terrapins of Maryland play #3 Michigan. Please, oh please – The Turtle and the Hare! Maryland, My Maryland!
At the same time (2:30) on ABC in the Game of Orange we have Syracuse and # 2 Clemson. Go Round Orange Thing!
At 5:00 we have an Aggie Women’s Basketball Exhibition Game with Oklahoma City University @ Reed Arena. Go Lashes! No TV, but most of the season is on SEC.
Returning home just in time for an evening of excitement:
On ABC at 7:00 Nebraska plays # 6 OHIO State. Go Huskers. Nobody likes nuts in their cornbread and Ohio uses plain bread to make dressing. Dreadful!
But rocking Baton Rouge at 7:00 PM on CBS the # 1 Alabama Tide rolls into Death Valley to meet the Tigers of LSU. So sorry dear Tide friends – but I gotta go with family on this one! Tiger Boogie! GEAUX Tigers!
And should you still be awake at 9:30 the # 5 Washington Huskies play the Bears of Cal on ESPN. Go BEARS!
BTHO Mississippi State!
Friday, October 28, 2016 – Snarky Friday, Football, Maroon Madness and GO CUBS! Click to see more Maroon Madness and comments.
It is another fun filled weekend of sports so let’s get started. The Aggies of Texas A&M are playing the Aggies of New Mexico at 6:30 on ESPNU in The Aggie Cupcake Bowl.
Fifteen minutes prior to Aggie Cupcake kick off on the SEC Network the Auburn Tigers go against the Rebels of Ole Miss. A victory over the Rebels would be most appreciated in Aggieland.
Other cupcake action has Texas Southern playing the #1 CFB Sam Houston Bearkats on ESPN3. This could be the Bearkats year to be #1.
The Game of Interest is THE University of Texas hosting the Baylor Bears on ABC at 2:30. This game is interesting for many reasons and not all of them are good.
And in the evening at 7:00 PM Game Two of the we have the history making World Series between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs on Fox. GO CUBS! I do not believe I have ever seen so much winter gear worn during a baseball game.
Here are some pics from last evening’s Maroon Madness tipping off the start of basketball season. Be sure to read my comments- especially you, RL.
Friday, October 14, 2016 – Snarky Friday. Remember the Alamo!
Lawdy Mercy, Honey Chile, I am a fretting like Aunt Pity Pat when the Yankees were coming. Alabama or Tennessee? There would not have been a Texas if there had not been a Tennessee. True and to the misinformed person holding a Game Day sign last weekend – The Vols did NOT cost Texas the Alamo. They were not even Volunteers until the Civil War. Learn your history. But one never hears “There would not have been a Texas if there had not been an Alabama.” There were many more defenders of The Alamo from Tennessee than Alabama. There were way more Mexicans too, but I digress.
If Tennessee upsets the #1 Crimson Tide, it means the #6 Texas Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa the following weekend to meet a really pissed off Alabama. If the Tide rolls over the Volunteers, it means the Texas Aggies travel to Tuscaloosa for a meeting of undefeated teams which could decide the SEC West and even the National Championship. Where are my salts? AKA – Tito’s.
Alabama and Tennessee at 2:30 on CBS – YUK – That probably means V. Lunquist and Gary Johnson will call the game. Mr. Johnson, I am confident that no one cares what plays you would have called. You are in the broadcast booth and not on the field.
That evening on ABC at 6:00 PM CT in a Showdown of the Big Ten we find #8 Wisconsin badgering to stop #2 The Ohio State University Buckeyes.
In between these two deciding games, we have Baylor hosting Kansas on FS1 at 2:30 and OU hosting Kansas State on ESPN at 11:00 AM. On The Longhorn Network, we have THE University of Texas hosting the ever popular Iowa State Cyclones at 6:00 PM. Remember when the Big 12 Teams used to be exciting?
Alabama or Tennessee? I am going with…
Born on a mountain top in Tennessee… I think that mountain top is called Rocky Top.
“The rest of you may go to Hell. I’m going to Texas!” Davy! Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier!
Tide, You better hope you can rise and Roll over Rocky Top because The Fighting Texas Aggies and The Twelfth Man are waiting on the other side.
So as Davy Crockett said to William B. Travis at The Alamo – “You gonna need a lot more men.”
Where is my coon skin cap? Oh yes, I loaned it to Lee Curses for Game Day. I hope he returns it next week in Tuscaloosa.
Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards
Tequila shots and Poo Poo Undies Awards for Every college team except Alabama! What the hell – give the Tide a Poo Poo Undies Award for use later.
I will also award Alabama and LSU The Manicure Award for being the only games that were not nail biters or heart attack givers.
With Monday after comments, let’s begin.
THE University of Texas is awarded:
The Shoot Out at the OK (State) Corral.
The Where’s Waldo – aka Rudolph? Where’s the ball? Where’s the Texas Defense? Look- I am a old woman who never played a down of football but who could catch a pass in that defensive strategy. PS – the ball is seen just above the 25 yard line.
The Cowgirl and/or the Horse Could Have Kicked Better Award. Notice the rider does not wear a black mask or a cape like you know who. I guess these Cowboys do not need to hide their face.
The Block Party Award
Thank you KK for such great pics and D for holding the paper. Go Pokes!
The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.0 is awarded to Baylor University. Baylor 45 Iowa State 42 A three week Bye? That is right – only 10 teams in the Conference formerly known as The Big 12.
The first Premature Celebration Award goes to Florida State University for scoring a go ahead touchdown with 23 seconds remaining in the game. FSU 35 UNC 34.
The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.01 is awarded to University of North Carolina for kicking a 54 yard field goal as time expires. UNC 37 FSU 35.
The Exploding Pumpkin Head for Coaches is shared – first by Bob Stoops from OU when the Cooper’s call went against the Sooners and then TCU’s Gary Patterson when the call was reversed. OU 52 TCU 46.
The second Premature Celebration Award goes to Georgia for scoring on a Hail Mary pass with 10 seconds left in the game. Bulldogs 31 Tennessee Vols 28.
The Hail Mary Joshua Fit the Final Battle of the SEC East Award goes to Joshua Dobbs and Jauan Jennings for the last play of the game. Tennessee 34 Georgia 31. Back to back successful Hail Mary passes! Where are my nitro glycerin pills?
The Just When I thought I was Calm Award goes to Clemson and Louisville.
The Longest Yard Award goes to Louisville for coming up one yard shy on Fourth Down as the time expires. Clemson 42 – Louisville – 36. Shake it off, Cardinals. I understand Cougar meat taste like Tiger meat.
The Getta the Hell Out of Town Fast with a W Award is awarded to The Fighting Texas Aggies and Coach Sumlin. Texas A&M 24 South Carolina 13
The No Let Up Award goes to Texas A&M and tu – not the tu orange that burnt up in Stillwater. It is the faded orange that resembles checkered table cloths washed in bleach. Tennessee is coming to town! # 8 Texas Aggies and # 9 Tennessee Volunteers. 2:30 CBS Kyle Field Saturday, October 8, 2016. Note to non-football people – STAY AWAY from Bryan College Station probably officially beginning Thursday. This place is already going wild and crazy and it’s only Monday. WHOOP!
Note to self: Check liquor supply. Ensure all calming drugs are up to date. And Who’s Cooper?