Monthly Archives: November 2018

Friday, November 30, 2018 – Championship Snarky Friday

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Friday, November 30, 2018 – Championship Snarky Friday

It is championship weekend in college football. By Sunday we will know Who’s In the Big Four and who is left crying in the rain awaiting their crappy bowl destination.

Since it is a special weekend the Snark has devised a sing-a-long to commemorate the occasion.

Our weekend begins tonight on Fox at 7:00 with Utah and Washington in the Pac 12 championship. (Sung to California Here We Come because game is in California)

California here we come; the Utes and Huskies to have some fun; That’s why we can hardly wait as the Huskies come undone; Go Utes!

December 1 at 11:00 on ABC we have THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University in the Red River Rivalry Redux for the Big 12 Championship. (Sung to well, you know)

I’ve been working on the railroad, all the live long day; Yes, I’ve been working on the railroad this one will slip away; Boomer Sooner will play often as Kyler throws the ball; Yes, OU will be the champions and will be # 4 Ya’ll.

At 3:00 on CBS we have Alabama and Georgia in their redux of the SEC Championship. (sung to While We Are Marching in Through Georgia )

Hoorah, hoorah, we’ll sing the jubilee; Hoorah, hoorah the Tide will roll in free; So we sing a chorus from Atlanta to the sea; While we were rolling in through Georgia!

At the 7:00 hour on ABC we have Clemson and Pitt for the ACC Champion (sung to Jingle Bells)

Tiger stripes; Tiger stripes; nothing rhymes with orange, but Clemson will be # 2 and in the playoff forms;

Opposite Clemson and Pitt at 7:00 on Fox Northwestern and Ohio State playing for the Big 10 Championship

(Sung to Hang on Sloopy) Here is the Ohio State Band in 2006 introducing this as one of their official songs. Ohio State is just weird. Maybe it’s the pot leaves.

Hang on Sloopy; Sloopy hang on…

https://youtu.be/5oPiBSktp6M

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Thursday, November 29, 2018 – Knit One Purl One

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Thursday, November 29, 2018 – Knit One Purl One

I am sorry for such a late post. It took me all day to make this. I was doing the knit one purl one and knitting Peach’s Christmas stocking. Yeah, right! I went to Target.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

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Wednesday, November 28, 2018 – Renew the Rivalry?

Renew the Rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas by LAW. WHAT?

State Representative and Aggie, Lyle Larson, filed HB 412 for the 86th Texas Legislature that requires the two universities to schedule an annual nonconference football game the fourth Thursday, Friday of Saturday of November.

HWIT – Waste of paper; waste of time; and LSU and the SEC may have plenty to say about that date.

I would not be opposed to a game at a neutral site. Jerry World would probably like to host it. It would be good for recruiting, but I do not think legislation is needed to make it happen.

It seems that Alabama and Auburn did not play one another for decades due to contract disputes. It seemed to work out ok for both of those schools. Representative Larson wants to avoid such a situation. HWIT, I would rather not play THE University of Texas ever again if it meant the Texas Aggies would take over as annual number one with multiple national championships.

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, LSU Tigers, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Posted on November 26, 2018 | 1 comment

Monday, November 26, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week Thirteen

Big scores; ugly helmets, home cooking and more. Let’s move the chains down the sideline and hand out my Monday after college football awards.

Washington 28 Washington State 15 – Both teams receive The Snow Globe Award. I award Mike Leach and the Washington State team The Frozen Award as we sing “Let it go.”

Penn State 38 and Maryland 3 – The Always A Contender for Ugly Helmet Award goes to Maryland. Can there possibly be a football helmet as ugly? Penn State says yes – Ohio State.

Michigan 39 Ohio State 62 – So another Ugly Helmet Award goes to the Buckeyes of Ohio State for their pot leaf helmets. I award Michigan the Where’s Waldo Wolverine Award. Did the real team miss the bus?

Clemson 56 South Carolina 35 – Clemson wins the Palmetto Trophy. Uncle Will Muschamp better get the Gamecocks winning. He wins The Coach’s Hot Seat for 2019.

Alabama 52 Auburn 21 – Alabama wins the Tina Turner Award as they continue Rolling Down the River!

To the Big 12

Baylor 35 Texas Tech 24 – Kliff Kingsbury receives the Mac Davis Award because Kliff will be seeing Lubbock in his review mirror.

Oklahoma West Virginia 59-56 – I award The Aerial Heisman Display Award to both teams. Also both teams receive the You Just Thought You Scored a lot of Points Awards

Texas 24 Kansas 17 – I award THE University of Texas the Back to the Big 12 Championship Award. Enjoy your Hat Trophy, because the Big 12 One goes back to Oklahoma next Saturday. To the Kansas Jayhawks I award the Robert Frost Award because you have Miles to go before you sleep with a football trophy.

Let’s see. It seems I am leaving a game out. What game would that be?

LSU 72 Texas A&M 74 7 OT

Load up the trailers and tote off the awards. Seven Overtimes!

Miss Reveille as the Aggies take the field. She usually doesn’t bark. She must have known something.

To the LSU Tigers and the Texas Aggies I award the following:

Great Game Award
Poopy Undies Award
Pepto Bismal Award for upset as in the game, the LSU fans, my stomach.
Manicure Award for a nail biter
Unbelievable Stamina Award – this award goes to the teams, coaches and fans.
Neither Team Should Have Lost Award
Unbelievable Game Awards
Great Plays Awards
Great Coaching Awards
One for the Record Books
Epic Game Award
It’s a Rivalry Now Award
Lastly – I award the Referees at Kyle Field the Home Cooking Award. Sometimes it’s hard to see out of bounds on the home field.

The Bowl Projections are out. Here is a bowl game I would NOT like to see.

Oregon in their bright, yellow, banana, high liter uniforms, playing Washington State in all red uniforms on the Boise State blue field. It could be called The Primary Colors Bowl.

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, LSU Tigers, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Sunday, November 25, 2018 – 7 OT LSU 72 Texas A&M 74

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Sunday, November 25, 2018 – 7 OT – LSU 72 Texas A&M 74

WHOOP!

AGGIES!

12TH MAN!

JIMBO!

WINNER!

GIG ‘EM!

WOW!

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Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS

Posted on November 24, 2018 | Leave a comment

Friday, November 23, 2018 – The College Football Snark – Week 13- The Rivalry Games – 23 YEARS!

I know. The Snark gets a five yard penalty for delay of writing. But it was critical that I participate in the Annual Day After Thanksgiving Day Tradition in Texas. That means greasy, cheesy, Mexican food. Then I had to take a siesta.

I do hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. I fell asleep before I could see the all-out brawl between Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Granted it was only 8:00, but fermented Chardonnay grapes in liquid form make me sleepy. Nice job Mississippi State for winning the game. I did not see who won the brawl.

Because I was late, I was not able to snark appropriately on THE University of Texas. Who plays an 11:00 game on the Friday after Thanksgiving? Here’s what I’m thinking. Kansas? Kansas is your big Thanksgiving Day game now? Bet you miss us Aggies now, huh? The Horns will play for The Big 12 Title against the winner of Oklahoma and West Virginia. Remember, you are playing for the Big 12 Championship and to avoid The Alamo Bowl.

The contest between OU and West Virginia is tonight in Morgantown and on ESPN at 7:00. The Sooners want a redemption game against Texas. Texas wants a second chance at the Mountaineers. Therefore, lock up the women and children and the old sofas. I do not think the sofas will burn but one must be prepared.

It is called rivalry weekend because the games are traditionally played between the State University and the Land Grant University of each state.

In the Apple Bowl on Fox at 7:30 between the rival schools in Washington. Washington Huskies and Washington State. Let’s let Mikey do it.

On Saturday at 11:00 on Fox we have #4 Michigan and #10 Ohio State. I do not have a name for this contest, so I’m going to call it The Kathy Day Game for the only person I know from Ohio. This is a classic, long-time rivalry that goes back to 1897. Current Head Coach for OSU, Urban Meyer is 6-0 against Michigan. Does Urban have a brother named Rural?

Florida and Florida State also plays at 11:00. Does anyone really care?

At 2:30 on CBS, we have Auburn and Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Although a better name for Auburn might be The Rusted Iron Bowl. Roll Tide.

South Carolina is at Clemson for The Championship of South Carolina.

Tennessee and Vanderbilt play for The Championship of Tennessee.

And now! The game. A clash two land grants. Let us begin where I left off yesterday.

“Dear Lord, It has been 23 years since the Aggies beat LSU in football. TWENTY-THREE YEARS! George H.W.Bush was the president of The United States. Daddy Bush! The World Wide Web on the Internet was only a year old!

Lord, bless the Fort Worth Times sports writer who wrote “that if the Aggies do not beat LSU, it will expose Jimbo Fisher as a fraud. The Aggies will be the same old Ags, as coached by all the others to a mediocre season.” Bless me, Lord and please keep me from firing off a hateful letter to the reporter, verbally kicking his ass and calling him “probably a graduate of TU.”

I do understand that the contest between Texas A&M and LSU cannot be referred to as a Rivalry Game because one team has to beat the other on to get a rivalry started. Let’s get this rivalry started and BTHO LSU!

So, Lord, if you could see your way to not letting time run out before the Aggies can win it would really be appreciated.

A reminder to out of state guests – Texas does not sell liquor on Sundays. Beer and wine can be purchased at 12:00.

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Thursday, November 22, 2018 – It’s Turkey Time

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Thursday, November 22, 2018 – It’s Turkey Time

Be safe this Thanksgiving. You do not want to be the one on the insurance claim who burned downed Sheryl’s She Shed.

Now bow your head and give a Thanksgiving Day pray, “Oh Lord, it has been 16 years since the Aggies …” To be continued.

Oh no my eggs are boiling. I have to go before Sheryl’s She Shed catches on fire. Don’t forget The Egg Bowl is tonight between Mississippi State and Ole Miss. and the Football Snark is tomorrow.

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Wednesday, November 21, 2018 – Be Thankful

Posted on November 21, 2018 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, November 21, 2018 – Be Thankful

If you have not chopped off your turkey’s head, plucked the feathers and taken out the guts, then you better get busy. Tomorrow is the Thanksgiving.

I am putting together my Thanksgiving Playlist to play while we have Thanksgiving dinner. Here is what I have so far.

Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house we go…
We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessings…
Yes, it’s all right cause it’s midnight and I got two more bottles of wine…
Hullabaloo, Caneck, Caneck…

I really like to sing Aggie War Hymn around a table of Aggies. When we do the sway, you get to eat off each other’s plates.

Of the many things for I am thankful, I am thankful that people actually read this daily brain dump. The purpose is to make you laugh or smile. I actually have a PhD and can use three and four syllable words with proper articulation and enunciation. I can conduct statistical and observational research and draw valid conclusions, but people seem to like it better when I dress up like a Christmas tree.

I even have a tribute poem. Thank you Jayne Ann for such a lovely tree tribute from Crazy Cousin Anonymous. Perhaps I shall do a dramatic reading of it at my Thanksgiving.

While we try to live by the Honeyboy Rules of Life every day, on Thanksgiving we are reminded. Here they are:

Tell at least one person every day that you appreciate them or love them.
Whatever it is, if you have faith, it will all work out.
Remember, there is always lots to be thankful for.

I hope your day is filled with love, food, family, friendship, football and all of the things for which we give thanks.

Here is a real Thanksgiving song, Blessed, by the great Martina McBride.

Remember the Origin of your blessings.

Oh Christmas Tree ;Oh DrD’ Thy hoodie lives forever;

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Tuesday, November 20, 2018 – A Holiday Poem

Posted on November 20, 2018 | 1 comment

Tuesday, November 20, 2018 – A Holiday Poem

As we began our holiday seasons, let us be thankful for so many things in our lives. To celebrate I have composed a commercialized poem.

A Holiday Poem

Poems are made by fools like me

But only Target can make me a tree!

And for only $20

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Monday, November 19, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week 12

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Monday, November 19, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards – Week 12

In what was thought initially to be a cupcake, visitors’ big money gate receipt, let the benchwarmers play weekend of football turned out to be anything but. There were lots of butts shown this unpredictable weekend.

But let’s begin with The Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner Award. There are two of these.

One award goes to The Campus of The Citadel – The Military College of South Carolina. Granted when the Alabama Tri Delta football team ended the second quarter, the real Alabama team scored forty more points in the second half for half of a 100. But holding Bama to a 10-10 tie at half-time should count as a win against The Tide. There is probably a reason that one out of three graduates of The Citadel becomes a military officer. There is probably a statistic that says one in three Alabama football players go professional.

The second Winner Award goes to the Kansas Jayhawks for scoring 40 points against the Sooners of Oklahoma. Again, the scoreboard differed, but 40 points for Kansas when not playing basketball is great. A question I want to know of the Jayhawks is this – is there grass for Les Miles to eat in Kansas or just wheat?

The OMG and Poopy Undies Awards go to Ohio State University.

Maryland gets The Carnival Barker Award for “close, but no cigar.” One used to win cigars at carnivals. Hence, when one missed the barker said “close, but no cigar.”

I am awarding Oklahoma State the Spoiled Milk Award for upsetting West Virginia and allowing THE University of Texas to share a portion of the Big 12 Championship.

In THE University of Texas and Iowa State game, I really thought the Cyclones would do better against Texas. But I was reminded cyclones are in the Pacific. I vote to change Iowa State’s mascot to Trailer Eating Tornadoes or Devastating Hurricanes. I think either one of those names will fit in better in the other Big 12 schools – all ten of the Big 12.

Maybe the win will elevate the Horns to something more than the Alamo Bowl or the Independence Bowl. You Horns have Kansas on Friday, Turkey Hang Over Day. Remember the Jayhawks scored 40 points against Oklahoma. Just saying…

There are too many to count awards for Home Cooking given to the referees. There were many calls that favored the home team, but let’s give refs one for the illegal motion called on The Citadel that cost field goal yardage. It seemed to me that Alabama got an extra second off the play clock before the yellow flag was thrown. Of course in Alabama people are genetically disposed to fry all foods. The Citadel was only one team who was fried by the refs.

In a really good game between The University of Alabama at Birmingham and Texas A&M – I award The Texas Aggies the Scoop and Swoop award (Sorry Adidas) for recovering the fumbled kickoff and scoring a touchdown. Of course, I must give my boyfriend, Trayveon some love for his touchdowns.

I am going to give A&M a Winner Award too for beating Alabama – Even though it was Alabama Lite.

NOOOO – Say it ain’t so. The Aggies are favored against LSU next week? Lee Corsehead will try to pet Reveille again and the Aggies will lose for sure. But, it’s Kyle Field and the 12Th Man. We Aggies do want the fans from LSU to feel welcomed and safe. Therefore, be sure to check out the Aggie Uber pick up truck. I feel certain there is a substantial discount if you ride in the bed of the truck.