Friday, January 26, 2018 – From the Ferrell Center on the Baylor Campus
If you liked yesterday photographs, I hope you enjoy these. Two great teams.
Baylor won. Not a good night for the Longhorns. We shall see what happens in Austin.
Friday, January 26, 2018 – From the Ferrell Center on the Baylor Campus
If you liked yesterday photographs, I hope you enjoy these. Two great teams.
Baylor won. Not a good night for the Longhorns. We shall see what happens in Austin.
Monday, September 25, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards
Things begin to get serious for teams I like and teams that play teams I like. There are few cupcake games on the schedule. Defensive and offensive units begin to solidify. We hope.
Let us begin with Poopy Undies Awards. This is given to the fans of teams who need a change in undergarments due to their team’s performance. The first award goes to the Fighting Texas Aggies for once again defeating the Arkansas Razorbacks in overtime. How many times now Hogs? Doesn’t matter the South Carolina Chickens are coming to College Station.
Poopy Undies Awards must be awarded to the fans of Oklahoma and Baylor. To go with your Poo Poo Undies Award, OU, you also receive The Never Under Estimate your Opponent Award.
While we are giving bodily function awards, let us proceed to the Pepto Bismal Awards for upsets.
The Southern Ladies Arts and Crafts Ideas for During Game Award goes to those who endured the Mississippi State loss to Georgia. Bully 3 and UGA 31.
Ladies, may I suggest implementing a Cursing Jar on game day? This is for those whose language often becomes colorful when one is forced to utter expletive deleteds as he or she watches in horror as their alma mater has no defense and no offense. With each play, drop a quarter into a plastic jar. Jars should be plastic to avoid breakages when thrown at the television.
This Curse Fund can add up quickly. During the Texas Aggie/UCLA game I made five dollars during the fourth quarter alone. Variations may include quarters for one syllable curses; two quarters for compound words; and a $1.00 for compound words and phrases questioning one’s religion and one’s birth mother.
The only Big Solid Award for Defense goes to Texas Aggie Armani Watts for intercepting the pass in the end zone to end the game in OT and seal a victory for the Aggies.
To the official from The Hellen Keller School of Officiating, we give the Right Foot Wrong Foot Award. This is given for calling the Aggie QB out of bounds when it was actually the defender who was out of bounds. Does the “S” stand for Sightless?
The last awards are the fashion awards. First the team – to Baylor. Not exactly ugly, but the black and gold lame (pronounced “lay may”) numbers did not work for me. But hey, if works, then keep on wearing. Also, do you know how long it took me to find out how to spell lame? And now I can’t find the little punctuation thing show it is French prounced‘lamay’ and not ‘lame’ as the team was before.
The final fashion award for Worst Dressed goes to Arkansas Coach Bret Bielema. Yes, that sweat shirt made you look frumpy. It looked like a last minute pick up off the floor fashion decision. Show some dressing!
I apologize for no awards to the Biggies this week as each had no trouble with their opponent – Alabama, Ohio State and Clemson. Here’s a Dr. Pepper and boys’ medium shirt from Larry, Doug Flutie and Boston College.
I wonder if South Carolina will take the mascot to the Dixie Chicken next Saturday. BTHO South Carolina. Maybe we’ll tailgate. I’ll bring chicken tacos!
Friday, September22, 2017 – Snarky Friday – My College Football Preview
It is the First Day of Fall. The temperature is an unpleasant and humid 90 degrees in Texas.
Starting our football day on ESPN at 11:00 AM. in the morning, we have The Hopefully Fighting Texas Aggies versus the Arkansas Razorbacks in the SEC opener for both teams. Sing it Willie Nelson, It’s gonna be a Bloody Mary Morning. Hopefully it will be served with an extra-large side of bacon, sausage and a pork chop. I imagine the frying pan will very hot for both coaches.
Speaking of a coach’s butt sitting in the frying pan, on ABC at 11:00 you will find the Red Raiders from Texas Tech playing the University of Houston Cougars in a match-up of former Big 12 quarterbacks now head coaches. We find in the frying pan Tech Coach, Former Tech QB, Kliff Kingsbury. Opposite will be former QB at THE University of Texas, Major Applewhite. Hook ‘Em! And Go Cougar High! Remember Tech does not play defense.
I am not so certain I would be screaming “Guns Up” in TDECU Stadium in Houston. Sidebar: The official name of the stadium is derived from Texas Dow Employees Credit Union (TDECU), the largest credit union in Houston, which purchased its naming rights in the largest-ever naming rights deal for a college football stadium.
On CBS at a most reasonable hour of 2:30 Alabama travels to Nashville to meet Vanderbilt in their SEC opener. Vandy, you gonna need a lot more than Lionel Richie and The Commodores trying to sing country in Nashville. ROLL TIDE!
Following the Aggies and Hogs we have TCU and Oklahoma State on ESPN @ 2:30. This game has potential. Go Pokes!
The David and Goliath Game is between Baylor and Oklahoma. Nothing sounds worse rising over The Brazos River above McLane Stadium than Boomer Soomer all evening long. Oh, the game is on FS 1 at 5:30 in the event you are interested.
That game could be over by 6:00 when it time to switch to any other game on TV. I will be watching ESPN and the dog fight between Bully and UGA or Mississippi State versus the University of Georgia. Let the Cowbells ring in Athens on Saturday night. Going to need some Big Solid Defense.
Of course I will be accessing all of my screens (I know JH, you have screen envy) as I check on other contests looking for close scores; ugly uniforms/helmets, and exploding coaches.
Friday, August 11, 2017 – Snarky Football Friday
In less than a month, Snarky Friday becomes official. Until college football kickoff we must deal with what little Snark information there is. But let us begin anyway.
The college football polls are being released. I think the pollsters picked Alabama first, then some combination of Ohio State, Michigan, Clemson, Washington in the top five. The remaining twenty schools were names drawn from a helmet.
For example, listed in the top 25 centering on numbers 23, 24 or 25 depending on the poll, we have THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. I actually hope Herman and the Horns can make a good run. Amazing what hope a name and big bucks can bring. Reminder: Last year your record was 3-7 overall and 3-6 in the Big 12 Conference so it is going to require much work. May I reminder the Bevo Boosters that Number 1. You are in the Big 12 Conference with Kansas, Iowa State and Texas Tech. Obviously you have repressed those games. Maybe this game too.
Number 2 you must play Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, K-State and West Virginia who are all ranked above you. But Hook ‘Em Hippies. I guess it too early to say “Wait until next year” when it will be more realistic.
Ranking the Horns at Number 23 is as stupid as ranking the Aggies at number 25. All about that name, right? But at least the schools ahead of the Aggies are in the powerful SEC and one of them will win the SEC Championship and the Football National Championship. Roll Tide or Geaux Tigers and no, The Aggies are not interested in playing the Burnt Orange or any other color of orange for that matter. If the Aggies are going to have time run out before we can win, we like to have it happen with quality teams. Snark out.
Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!
College football season officially begins today as teams begin practice. I am so excited I am going to get a penalty for excess celebration. I chose a song to celebrate.
The version of the song is sung by Tony Award winner,Patti LuPone, from the 2008 Broadway revival of Gypsy. In fact her second Tony Award was for Gypsy.
There is not a great deal of action in the video. Rather it is Ms. LuPone’s powerful voice that captures the moment. Click on the YouTube and scroll down and sing along. I took the liberty of changing a few words here and there.
I had a dream, a dream about you, baby. It’s gonna come true, baby. They think that we’re through, but baby…
You’ll be swell! You’ll be great! Gonna have the whole world on the TV! Starting here, starting now, Honey, everything’s coming up football!
Clear the fields! Check the refs! You’ve got nothing to do but relax.
Gig ‘Em Ags!
Roll Tide Roll! Honey, everything’s coming up football!
Now’s your timing; Stand the world on it’s ear! Set it spinning! That’ll be just the beginning!
Sic ‘Em Bears! Go Pokes Go! You got nothing to fear but OU!
You’ll be swell. You’ll be great. I can tell. Just you wait. That lucky star I talk about is due! Honey, everything’s coming up football for me and for you!
You can do it. All you need is a band. We can do it, Twelfth Man is gonna see to it!
Hook ‘Em Horns! We got nothing to hit but the heights! I can tell, wait and see. There’s the bell! Follow me!
And nothing’s gonna stop us ’til we’re through! Honey, everything’s coming up football and trophies,Everything’s coming up sunshine and Saturdays, Everything’s gonna be bright lights and bowl games,
Everything’s coming up football for me and for you!
Monday, November 21, 2016 -The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards and the Best College Team Football Team in Texas
Let’s begin with the UGLY Awards and there are many to be awarded.
First Place Ugly Award for really ugly is presented to THE University of Texas who somehow lost to a one (1) and nine (9) Kansas team in overtime no less. Perhaps it was those ugly blue bunting bird looking uniforms KU wore. (Thank you Dr. K.) The last time THE University of Texas lost to Kansas was 1938. Write that on your Rock Chalk, Jayhawk sidewalk.
The Star-Kist Tuna Award – Sorry, Charlie – is awarded to Head Coach Charlie Strong of The University of Texas. I sincerely thought and hoped it would be a good fit for all. The good news is that lots of coaches have FOR SALE signs in their front yards too with more coming soon.
With a possible FOR SALE sign in his yard, we have the Second Place Ugly Award presented to Texas Tech for losing to Iowa State 66 -10.Tech scored when the Iowa State women’s soccer team took over in the fourth quarter.
Third Place Ugly Award is presented to Baylor University losing to K-State 42-21.
Fourth Place Ugly Award is presented to the Texas Aggies for surviving 23-10 against The University of Texas @ San Antonio.
This presents a distinct possibility that Texas A&M and Baylor will meet in the We Suck Bowl to be played in a big high school stadium somewhere between Houston and Dallas.
In Other Awards
The Cat that Ate the Cardinal Award goes to The University of Houston Cougar(s) who ate the Cardinals of Louisville 36 to 10 spoiling all Louisville hopes for a big bowl and maybe Lamar’s Heisman hopes. Nice cat smile, Shasta.
The Snow Globe Game Award– Snow U/OU Award goes to OU vs. W.Va. – OU 56 West Virginia 28. I am glad OU wore red pants with their white jerseys; otherwise one would have lost them in the snow and on the field after it stopped snowing. West Virginia still was unable to find them on the field – red pants and all.
The Taste like Chicken Award goes Pistol Pete and the Cowboys of Oklahoma State as they dined on frog legs defeating TCU 31-6.
This sets up the Big 12 Conference Title to be determined at Bedlam next week. Notice: neither of the schools is in Texas.
Michigan and Ohio State both receive Poopy Undies Awards with Ohio State escaping Michigan State 17 to 16. Michigan had more difficulty than anticipated winning over Indiana 20 to 10.
This sets up The Big Ten Title game between Ohio State and Michigan next week. I am going with the team that wears ugly helmets.
The Thanks for Participating Awards go to Alabama and Auburn. Both teams won handily, but both should have against Cupcake We’ll Take the Gate Receipts schools. This sets up the Iron Bowl next week. Roll Tide.
The Longest Yard Award goes to Florida for stopping LSU on the goal line on fourth and one to defeat the tigers and win the SEC East. Score: Florida – 16 to LSU – 10. Yea. Guess who’s coming to College Station for Thanksgiving Dinner?
It was definitely a week of ugly in Texas football. But there is one bright orange spot coming out of Huntsville, Texas.
The best football school currently in the state of Texas is the #5 Sam Houston State University Bearkats. The Bearkats are undefeated for the second time in program history and will host the winner of Weber State and Chattanooga on Saturday, Dec. 3 at 2 p.m. from Bowers Stadium.
Perhaps there is National Champion Football Shirt from one of my alma maters in my future after all.
Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
GLOOM! DISPAIR! And AGONY!
Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water, the rankings in college football were shuffled like a cheap deck of bicycle playing cards.
Please note: No Poopy Undies Awards will be given today. At this point we are just going to go with the Oh Crap! Awards and every team, coach and fan receives one.
The first Oh Crap Award goes to every team that has played Alabama for the last four years as The Tide Rolls. Note: to Bama Fans – I only went back to Coach Sabin and did not count The Bear or G. Stallings or any of those the school claims and are recognized before playoffs when you were #1. Just so many. To The Crimson Tide – Congratulations for securing the SEC West. Roll Tide.
Other awards for teams are as follows. Let’s start with the Small (and getting smaller) 12 Conference teams.
First, to Baylor and Seth Russell here is a sincere heal soon wish. The BU QB gets the Joe Theisman Award for sustaining a stomach turning leg/ankle injury. You know it is bad when players from both sides jump up from the tackle pile screaming for help. But you really know it is bad when TV will not show the replay and the announcers are about to throw up.
In addition Baylor lost the game to OU 24 to 45. BU wins the Kiss Your Good Bowl Game Goodbye Award. Baker Mayfield is only a junior?
THE University of Texas wins the award for Not Quite Heaven, West Virginia for coming up short 24-20. The Exploding Head Coach Award goes the West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen and the referee who refused to grant his time out request.
The Tortilla TECH kicker wins the What’s the Point Award? For missing the point after try and allowing the Oklahoma State Cowboys to escape with a one point victory – 44-45. Bedlam should be most interesting – especially since it could be for The Big 12 Championship. NOTE: Not a happy face emoticon for a team NOT from Texas winning.
The Tigers of LSU win the Bacon and Roller Skates Award for rolling over Arkansas and continuing to roll along in the SEC WEST. LSU and Arkansas 38 to10. Can we skip Thanksgiving in College Station this year?
The Clean up on Aisle Week 11 and Pepto Dismal Awards go:
Auburn – for being upset by Georgia 13 to 7. Of course any team that plays Auburn is my favorite team. Go DAWGS!
The team formerly #2 Clemson wins the It’s the Pitts Award. The kicker for Pitt wins a That’s the Point Award for making a 48 yard field goal with 5 seconds left to play.
The team formerly # 3 Michigan loses 13 to 14 over Iowa. Iowa wins The Pittsburg Steelers Look Alike Uniforms Award. The kicker for Iowa wins a That’s the Point Award! for kicking the winning field goal to upset Michigan in the final seconds.
And on the West Coast the USC Trojans of California were high and happy by upsetting the team formerly # 4 Washington 26-13. The Huskies’ dog house might be damaged for a chance at playoffs.
The November to Dismember Award goes to the Texas A&M and Ole Miss game and everybody associated with it beginning with:
Number One. Whose bright idea was it at the SEC Network to not only let Brent Mushmouth call the Aggie/Ole Miss game, but to let him work alone the first half? It made me almost glad when Jesse Palmer joined him. At least he could call (maybe even see) the correct names and numbers of the players. Brent, if you are so “glad to be back in Texas and College Station” please learn to correctly pronounce the names of the towns in Texas.
Number Two. Texas A&M and Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy Tequila Shotty!
Number Three. The Just in Time for Christmas the Collapsible Defense Doll. This doll works like a charm until the 4th quarter. Then it lies down, collapses and dies.
Number Four. The Q&A with Coach Chavis – did you fall asleep during the fourth quarter? Was it Irritable Bowel Syndrome? What the hell happened? Whatever it was it was stinky! A true freshman, just unred-shirted quarterback playing his first game and IN KYLE FIELD in front of over 100,000!! I am awarding you the Ricky Ricardo Award because “Oh Lucy! You got some splaining to do!”
As always, “Texas Aggies, down in Aggieland; we’ve got spirit – to the man; STAND UNITED that’s the Aggie theme; we’re the 12th Man on the Team…”
Monday, November 7, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
Backstory for the new kids on the blog – I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. If your team is not mentioned let me know and I take it under consideration.
First from the West Coast – USC versus Oregon – I don’t even know the score, but you both receive the Rubber Duck Award.
Next on the list we have the Small 12 Conference or The Land of No Defenses.
THE University of Texas survived the plains of Lubbock with a victory over Tortilla Tech. (THE University 45 TT 37.) My favorite team is whoever is playing Tech.
Oklahoma State 43 K-State 37. Mullet Mike and The Cowboys survive. Both of you win a Poopy Undies Award for scaring your fans.
The Kick Off to Tip Off Awards goes to Baylor and TCU for posting a basketball score of TCU 62 Baylor 22 on the opening weekend of college basketball season. And the score was not the only Uglies coming from Waco.
An Ugly Uniform Award goes to Baylor. Fifty shades of Waco is not becoming. Gray is not colorful. Neither is black as in the black cloud of ugly that seems to be a stationary front over the institution. Therefore, Baylor also receives the Frozen Award – Let It Go!
Look, Bears Pooping in the Woods, it is bad enough without constant reminders of ugly. Please do not hang dirty laundry out your windows. Who gets the sales from the T-shirts?Focus on the low level bowl game invitation you will now receive.
Letting go of that, let’s move on to the Top 10 and the SEC where games are more exciting and stressful.
The Bringing Home the Alligator Bacon goes to the Hogs of Arkansas! (Arkansas 31 Florida 10) Sooey Pig over 11th ranked Florida. Another favorite team is whoever is playing any school from Florida.
To players Chip Kelly of Ole Miss; Trevor Knight and Myles Garrett of Texas A&M, the Nebraska QB and all the others: All of you receive the Heal Quickly Award. Will miss you next weekend, Chip. I wanted to see you play against the Aggies.
And now the top tiered top ten college football awards. These 10 teams are listed according to today’s AP listings. Tomorrow we see who The Selection Committee votes for the Who’s In Top Four. Larry Culpepper and Dr. Pepper seem to be winning above all the others.
# 1 Alabama and LSU – (Bama 10 – LSU 0) Please share the following awards:
# 2 Michigan Maryland (Michigan 59 MD 3.) Michigan wins the Turtle Wax Award for waxing the Terrapins. Wolverines like turtles.
# Clemson and Syracuse (Clemson 54 Syracuse 0) – Clemson Wins the Too Much Orange on the Field Award.
# 4 Washington and Cal (formerly known as Berkley.) (Washington 66 Cal 27) Huskies receive the In the Right Rankings Now Award.
# 5 Louisville and Boston College (Louisville 52 BC 7) – Lamar Looking Heisman Good Award.
# 6 Ohio State and Nebraska (Ohio State 62 Nebraska 3) – The Huskers receive the Fun While It Lasted Award. Corn headwear really looks stupid when you lose to a nut named Bucky.
The Really Don’t Deserve an Award goes to the following:
# 7 Wisconsin and Northwestern (Wisconsin 21 Northwestern 7) – Badgers preparing for a bowl game where it is warm.
# 8 AUBURN? AUBURN! A hair color? You beat Vanderbilt by a touchdown 23 – 16! ROLL TIDE!
# 9 OU versus Iowa State (OU 34 Iowa State 24) – Bedlam is coming soon and The Cowboys are coming with it!
Coming in at # 10 is Texas A&M – where the Aggies should have been in the first place. (Texas A&M 28 Mississippi State 35) What a shipwreck in Starksville.
Aggies you receive a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Award because we sucked as bad as the referees. Even I saw the block in the back on Captain Kirk’s punt return. Aggies win Pooper Scooper Award for leaving lots of it on the field.
Nevertheless, “We are the Aggies; the Aggies are we…” and we do not lose – time on the clock runs out. We got your back, Jake!
Tomorrow we see who the College Football Selection Committee votes for and who the citizens of The United States of America votes for. Please do not forget to cast your ballot. PS – we do not get to vote with the Selection Committee.
Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?
The College Football Selection Committee announced on Tuesday, “Who’s In?” These are the four football teams that would match up for a national championship if the season ended on Tuesday. But the season did not end on Tuesday. Nor will it end on Saturday, but the Who’s In can change.
Before we see Who’s In, let’s begin with Who’s UP and Who are you?
Who is (are) the Idiots of Sports Programming who schedule football games at 11:00 am in the morning?
Moving along to Who’s Out? – These are the teams currently deemed out of contention for a National Championship in college football. However, one or two may go to a nice bowl game while the remaining will play in lesser bowl games in prime vacation spots like Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, you can go to the casinos.
From the Who’s Out from the Small 12 Conference:
Falling backwards to yesterday, OU defeated Iowa State 34 to 24. Do not forget to “fall back” and set your clocks back this weekend.
Coming to you live from Lubbock, Texas at the unholy hour of 11:00 am on FS 1 THE University of Texas plays Tortilla Tech. Flying breakfast tacos.
This should be an offensive delight. Hook ‘Em Hippies!
At the reasonable hour of 2:30 FOX brings us Baylor and TCU. This would have been more exciting if last weekend had not happened to both teams.
On ABC @ 2:30 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State play the Wildkats of Kansas State. FYI, Ms. Navasota – Bill Snyder is alive. Love you, Pistol Pete!
Who’s In? And Who Could Be In?
Surprising all of football and delighting all of Aggieland, the #4 Texas A&M Aggies play the Mississippi State Bulldogs. This is at the ridiculous hour of 11:00 AM on the “you must pay for it with your cable” the SECN. One game at a time Aggies! Vote for Conner McQueen for President! Trevor Knight for VP. Platform: “Gig ‘Em!”
Following the Aggies on ESPN @ 2:30 the Terrapins of Maryland play #3 Michigan. Please, oh please – The Turtle and the Hare! Maryland, My Maryland!
At the same time (2:30) on ABC in the Game of Orange we have Syracuse and # 2 Clemson. Go Round Orange Thing!
At 5:00 we have an Aggie Women’s Basketball Exhibition Game with Oklahoma City University @ Reed Arena. Go Lashes! No TV, but most of the season is on SEC.
Returning home just in time for an evening of excitement:
On ABC at 7:00 Nebraska plays # 6 OHIO State. Go Huskers. Nobody likes nuts in their cornbread and Ohio uses plain bread to make dressing. Dreadful!
But rocking Baton Rouge at 7:00 PM on CBS the # 1 Alabama Tide rolls into Death Valley to meet the Tigers of LSU. So sorry dear Tide friends – but I gotta go with family on this one! Tiger Boogie! GEAUX Tigers!
And should you still be awake at 9:30 the # 5 Washington Huskies play the Bears of Cal on ESPN. Go BEARS!
BTHO Mississippi State!
Monday, October 31, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – Trick or Treat!
College football on Saturday was indeed trick or treat. Some teams got the treat while others got the trick. The college football playoffs begins to heat up. Let’s begin.
With all due respect to Jimmy Fallon and his Friday night Thank You Notes –
The Thank You Note Awards go to:
Next we have the Slip and Slide Away Awards. This award is presented to teams who had victory escape from them in the closing moments of the game. In addition all of these teams receive a Poopy Undies Award. Moving down field the Slip and Slide Away and Poopy Undies Awards are presented to:
In the SEC Alabama beat Bye Week University and LSU was victorious over Bye University @ Baton Rouge. Wonder what will happen this Saturday.
The final award today goes to The Best Football Team in the state of Texas – The Fighting Texas Aggies! The Aggies of Texas A&M beat the Aggies of New Mexico State 52 to 10 causing national sports announcers to say things like:
“Texas A&M is a bona fide National Playoff Contender.”
It is Halloween and statements like that scare me to pieces. Happy Halloween.
Gig ‘Em Aggies and BTHO Mississippi State.