Category Archives: humor

Friday, June 23, 2017 – My Three Favorite Blogs. And Snarky Friday and the CWS.

Friday, June 23, 2017 – My Three Favorite Blogs. And Snarky Friday and the CWS.

Before the weekly Friday Snark arrives, here are three bloggers I enjoy reading. If and why they read my dribble Here’s What I’m Thinking I cannot say, but I am happy when I see a like them. I try to return the LIKE because I like your stuff too.

First if you are looking for items of beauty, Donna Kramer’s My One Beautiful Thing covers the spectrum from magnificent to creepy, but always intriguing. I like the fact she blogs about beauty in the world and actively searches and shares. We should all look for beauty and can be reminded of such by reading some her posts.

https://www.facebook.com/MyOneBeautifulThing/

myonebeautifulthing.com

If you are not leaning toward beauty that day, check out Ben’s Bitter Blog. We Make Bitter Better. What a Snark you are. Love it. Ben is a funny guy. Yes, bitterness can be funny. I start laughing at his posts and then realize “Oh I just had that happen to me.” Loved your comments about those who think we just whip out these 500 words and throw in some still pics and videos and boom. http://frame.bloglovin.com/?post=5709890675&blog=8330055&frame_type=none

Christian Mihai. Not only do I get to say HWIT is read worldwide, but so does Christian. I love your photo. Like me, you either used an old photograph or you are a child prodigy – probably both. Thank you for the encouragement about blogging. I read What I Learned Five Years of Blogging often – like yesterday when I did not post anything and thought “why bother?” Thanks for the support and inspiration.

https://cristianmihai.net/about/

Check out these three for a diversity of interests, viewpoints and perspectives on life.

But now entering the page from the left margin is The Friday Snark to take us out to the ballgame at the College World Series (CWS).

Now getting on the Go-Home, See You Next Year Bus are the Louisville Cardinals. The second base umpire graduated from the Stevie Wonder School of Umpiring. It is probably an online MOOC from TCU. (Google MOOC). Mr. Ump, you should be thankful the Louisville coach only chewed your butt out before being ejected. It could have been UCLA softball coach, Lisa Fernandez. She would have laid your blind butt on second base.

CWS and ESPN Announcers. After an intense discussion of LSU’s shortstop, Kramer Robertson’s new hair color (he went from dark brown to stringy, drug store, roommate done blond), you actually spent the entire Louisville bottom of the eighth inning discussing Bob Gibson and Sandy Koufax. While they are indeed on the roster of pitching greats, they were NOT on the baseball diamond! The TCU pitcher smoked the first two Louisville batters with six pitches that even I could determine were awesome. I believe the term is “Rembrandt the plate.” Not one time, did you call a TCU or Louisville players’ name. Call the damn game! I would much rather hear: “Three up and three down for the Cardinals on NINE TCU pitches going to the bottom of the eighth” than “Well, if I faced Bob Gibson…” Talk about ad nauseous.

Are you listening, Ben?

Tonight we get to see what color Kramer Robertson’s hair is as LSU faces Oregon State. Here’s what I’m thinking…

Tiger like Beaver tonight, but Beaver come back to eat Tiger. Then Beaver is eaten twice – one for entrée and one for dessert – by Big Ass Alligator from Florida swamp.

Prejeans Restaurant – Lafayette Louisiana – Photo by Terry. 5.20.17

 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017 –Estival Solstice and a New Ken

Wednesday, June 21, 2017 –Estival Solstice and a New Ken

Our new word for the day is “Estival.” It is an adjective that means pertaining or appropriate to summer. Today marks the summer solstice or the estival solstice. It is the longest day of the year with the longest twilight. I wonder if that translates to the longest happy hour.

Texas Stonehenge – Kerrville, Texas Photo by me

If you want to learn more about the summer solstice, pretend you are in Mr. Michael’s 9th Grade physical science class and click on the link. There are some pretty cool illustrations. To my Alaska friends, get out the sleep masks; there is going to be a lot of sunlight.

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/6/19/15832952/summer-solstice-2017

Since this is a long day, let us catch up on what I have been thinking.

Please sign the online petition to never allow Texas A&M to play TCU in baseball.

Tropical storm Cindy is about the make landfall through New Orleans and the southern states bringing inches plus of rain. It would be nice if there was a FEMA Director. Doesn’t FEMA stand for Federal EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT? Just in case the low lying areas need help or have an emergency.

Congratulations to Diana Taurasi for becoming the all-time leading scorer in professional women’s basketball. Thank you Title IX and believers in women’s athletics. Thank you, Diana.

The 2017 Texas A&M Maroon out game is with Auburn on Saturday, November Fourth. I was hoping the Maroon Out game would be with Alabama, but I will take Auburn. It is always fun to do Snarky Fridays when the Aggies play a school named after a hair color. And perhaps the Aggies can count on a modicum of support from The Tide.

Did you know there is new Ken doll? Mattel updated Barbie’s long-time, gay boyfriend, Ken, to create a diversity look. There are actually 15 new Kens. They have different skin colors, different body types and different hair styles and colors. Body types include slim, original and large. Various hair styles even include the man bun.

I have not researched the various Ken dolls, but I hope there is Cut-n-Shoot/Porter Ken. This Ken would wear jeans, boots, a torn T-shirt, and a Make America Great Again cap. Of course he would drive a pick-up truck; would be overweight, have a beer belly and sport a mullet. He would come with diabetes prescription, a six-pack of Miller Lite, a pack of Marlboros and a worn EZ-Boy Recliner. Remote control, trailer and pit bulls not included.

As I said I have not researched the various Kens, but here’s what I’m thinking. These Kens, like those who preceded him, are genitalia challenged or sans male body parts. Perhaps Barbie likes him that way.

It is going to be a long day. Enjoy the estival solstice.

Friday, June 16, 2017 – Snarky Friday and A Stream of Consciousness

Friday, June 16, 2017 – Snarky Friday and A Stream of Consciousness

What a world! As my dear, departed and very wise Mother used to say about politics and other sordid activities: “Play in shit, you gonna get shitty.”

Today I shall just have a stream of consciousness regarding this week’s activities as they relate to the increase in fecal material hitting the rotating blades of the oscillating fan surrounding The Potomac and outlying areas. For a little extra, you might try listening to some appropriate music while trying to read. I am listening to Joan Baez – “Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around. Keep on a walking; Keep on a talking, gonna built a brand new world…”

Ready? Read.

What happened? Be careful what you wish for or in this case who you vote for. Only 145days? Crooked Hillary did it. Tweet. Tweet. Tweet. I am not under investigation. I am not a crook. I did not have sex with that woman. Resignation. Impeachment. And now POTUS you are under investigation. You’re lying. He’s lying. She’s lying. Lock her up. GOP. Resist. James Comey. “You’re Fired” only works in business on TV. Putin. Putin. Root and Tootin! FBI. Department of Justice. Tweet some more. GOLF. Lawyers, lawyers, filling Washington, D. C. I should have gone to law school. Russians. Russians. Let’s Make a Deal. Michael Flynn. More lawyers. Democrats. Jared. Ivanka. Donald Jr. A New Jersey Lawyer? Money laundering? I miss The Sopranos. Bada Bing. Constitutional Crisis. Really good chocolate cake and we the US just bombed the crap out of Syria. Are there any US Allies in the World left? This is gonna take a long time to clean up all this shit and those playing in it get shittier. Meanwhile, CAN WE PLEASE STOP SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND SIT DOWN AND TALK FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?

Happy Friday.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017 – The Pentagon Papers – Leaking and Lying in Modern Times

Tuesday, June 13, 2017 – The Pentagon Papers – Leaking and Lying in Modern Times

Time for your daily history lesson, Boys and Girls.

On this day in history the New York Times began publishing The Pentagon Papers by Daniel Ellsberg. The Pentagon Papers were officially titled United States – Vietnam Relations, 1945–1967: A Study Prepared by the Department of Defense. The year? 1971.

Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara created the Vietnam Study Task Force on June 17, 1967, for the purpose of writing an “encyclopedic history of the Vietnam War“. McNamara claimed that he wanted to leave a written record for historians, to prevent policy errors in future administrations. McNamara neglected to inform either President Lyndon Johnson or Secretary of State Dean Rusk about the study.”

The huge volumes of sensitive, secret, sort of secret, and real secret information about the US government was revealed to the public. Notice the appropriate word is “revealed” and not “leaked.”

For example, it revealed that presidential administrations had been and were systematically lying and/or secretly keeping activities from the media. Even more damaging, the papers revealed that the US military had secretly engaged in expanding the scope of the Vietnam Conflict.

Ellsberg was charged with conspiracy, espionage and theft of government documents. (Aka leak of such documents) Then came newly elected in 1968 Richard Nixon. The charges against Ellsberg were later dropped when Tricky Dick tried to restrain the press. Tricky Dick then ordered White House officials to dress like plumbers and to use unlawful and unethical efforts to discredit Ellsberg.

Fast forward to the end – the publication of The Pentagon Papers kicked off a new phase in politics with secret, covert and illegal (aka leaking and lying) actions by the Executive Office and all for public consumption on the social media of the day – print, radio and TV.

There were break-ins and burglaries at The Watergate Hotel and the US became embroiled in the largest constitutional crisis to date. And there were tapes of meetings with The POTUS. It all came crashing down like a House of Cards. The POTUS resigned before impeachment charges could be brought. The plumbers and lots of others went to prison. “I am not a crook” turned out to be one.

And that brings us to the present and the irony of history repeating itself. Here’s what I’m thinking. When revealed to the public The Pentagon Papers were over 1000 printed pages. Trumpet’s Twitter rants are going to be much shorter in length, but perhaps the results will be the same.

Class dismissed.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentagon_Papers

Monday, June 12, 2017 – Make-up Monday. Beer, Bubbles, Bats and Aggies

Monday, June 12, 2017 – Make-up Monday. Beer, Bubbles, Bats and Aggies

I know I have been a slacker for a couple of days and did not post my profound and often profane thoughts for the merriment and amusement of all 48 people who might read Here’s What I’m Thinking.

So to make up here’s what I thought starting with Friday, June 9:

I thought I had enough beer for the first Regional game between Texas A&M and Davidson. But noooo, I had to drink almost all of it because it took 17 innings for the Aggies to finally get the winning run.

Saturday, June 10 – Fortunately there was enough beer left for the Aggies to defeat Davidson in the second Regional game that send the Aggies to the College World Series (CWS). Here’s to Davidson players who gave every pitch, catch, throw, hit and play their ultimate talent. Your fans were great and we hope you enjoyed Aggieland. (Except for the score parts).

To the ESPN2 Announcers: Yes, the campus of Texas A&M University is very big. Even you, Jay Walker were impressed. FYI, Jay, there is NO 10th Man! WE ARE THE 12TH Man in all sports. Next time learn more about the school you are covering. Also, the bubbles burst, so they are not a distraction to the batter!

After game I went to a bookstore and bought It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis. It was first published in October 1935. Descriptor from the book jacket: … a political satire with the chilling realistic rise of a president who becomes a dictator to save the nation from welfare cheats, sex, crime and a liberal press.” I am into reading scary horror books. I just finished 1984 and The Handmaiden’s Tale.

Sunday, June 11 – Watched LPGA and vowed never to wear an outfit like this. I do not care if she is one of the best golfers in world.

While reading scary book I got this picture from Niece # 1.

That is Sister # 1 (wait I only have one sister) in front of a giant Louisville Slugger. It’s a baseball bat for the uninformed and sports challenged. Sister, Niece#1 and Gniece #1 are touring the sights and sounds of Gniece # 1’s home of Louisville.

Speaking of Louisville and bats, I do hope my sister is placing a curse on the baseball bats of the Louisville Cardinals – the upcoming opponent of Texas A&M. Gig ‘Em Aggies.

BTHO Louisville! WHOOP!

Monday, June 5, 2017 – It Was Fifty Years Ago Today – Give or Take a Day or Two

Monday, June 5, 2017 – It Was Fifty Years Ago Today – Give or Take a Day or Two

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was released June 1, 1967.

It was twenty years ago today,

Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play

They’ve been going in and out of style

But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile,

So may I introduce to you

The act you’ve know for all these years

SGT. PEPPER’S LONEY HEARTS CLUB BAND.

Wall in my study. Photo by me.

 

Damn, now if that don’t make us Baby Boomers feel old, I do not know what will.

Friday, June 3, 2017 – Yesterday

Friday, June 3 – Yesterday

Yesterday the internet was down. That probably accounts for the five provider trucks in my hood all day. So here is yesterday’s HWIT.

Friday, June 2, 2017 – The Great Tom Leher

Listening to Tom Leher this morning. I thought the songs were about social and political issues and happening in the 1950’s and 1960’s. I did not realize it was a dystopian futuristic view of The United States in 2017. Thank you Donald Dumbster. I’m going with Paris Agreement.

Thursday, June 1, 2017 – What’s for Dinner? What Kind of Wine?

Thursday, June 1, 2017 – What’s for Dinner? What Kind of Wine?

After a long day at work one can treat the family to a home cooked meal at a local restaurant. I wonder what the sides are. What kind of wine goes with roadkill? Red or wine? Bon appetite.

Montgomery, Texas 6.1.17 Photo by me

 

 

Wednesday, May 31, 2017 – “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”

Wednesday, May 31, 2017 – “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”

Good morning, boys and girls,

Our new word for the day is: Covfefe. It appears to be a new word for the world made up by the Tweeter in Chief. Currently there seems to be no exact definition or translation or history of usage on this planet. However, Fake News, Inc. reports it is possible this is the translation from the Russian term “covfefenski” which means “highly disliked reporters and people smarter than me.” (sic)

Other unknown and unidentified and made up sources think the word is proof the alien Pod People from the Planet Denial were successful when they said “Take me to your leader.”

Other more credible sources, including but not limited to the FBI believe the word “covfefe” means “The Truth is Out There.” This slogan worked well for the agency when files were known as the X-Files.

Like most of the world we really do not know what President Twitter meant in his morning twitter rant. But since he is giving his cell number to everyone, I will try to contact him later. I hope he does not have one of those burner phones.

Meanwhile, how about a nice tune for Ivanka and Jared today? Here’s Call Me, by Blondie. Such fun lyrics. Roll me in designer sheets too. And call me for your lover’s alibi.  I think the lyrics are now available in Chinese.

 

May 30, 2017 – Turn Out the Lights; the Party’s Over!

May 30, 2017 – Turn Out the Lights; the Party’s Over!

“Turn out the lights; the party’s over;

They say that all good things must end;

Turn out the lights: the party’s over;

And tomorrow starts the same old thing again.”

I doubt that the wonderful country singer Ray Price was talking about the government. Yesterday was sine die for the 85th Texas Legislature. The day of adjournment until called again. Or until Governor Abbott checks his vacation calendar.

So how did the 85th Legislature end? In protest of SB 4 – Immigration. There was the 3 AM singing at the Governor’s Mansion protests. A Republican House member called Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to remove protestors in the capitol. Note: these protesters in red should not be confused with the women dressed in red as in The Hand Maiden’s Tale.  These were in The Senate Gallery. These and others were protesting almost every piece of legislation. In fact, it is difficult to know your protestors in Austin without a program.

Then there was the floor shoving match in the House of Representatives which resulted in a threatening language to a colleague with words like “gun” and “bullet” and “your head” in the same sentence. This was followed by the Governor signing new gun legislation. Do not go ballistic; I happen to like guns. Just saying PR people need to do better at press releasing timing.

And that is just the tip of the dome. According to The Houston Chronicle, it will cost about $800,000 for one special session. But it will be so worth it for Dan, The Evangelical to lead the Bathroom Brigade of Buffoonery into Texas Public Schools. Because there is one thing every Texas school child needs to know and that is where to go to the bathroom. Biology textbooks will soon show diagrams that show is it is not just “the outside” junk that counts in gender, but also “the inside junk.” We all know the only places that transgender people hang out are public schools.Designating a special place to urinate in schools should be the highest priority of the Texas legislature.

Here’s what I’m thinking. When Dan the Evangelical gets his way and the idiots are called to leave their villages, the Texas bathroom bill will pass. Therefore every bathroom that is designated “The Different One” should have a poster size photo of Dan, the Evangelical falling on his sword.

Keep your voter registration card current.