Category Archives: humor

Wednesday, August 2, 2023, IT’S TIME!

Posted on August 2, 2023 | 2 comments

Wednesday, August 2, 2023, AT LAST – IT’S TIME!

Football season is exactly one month away from today. Kick-off at Kyle Field is September 2 at 6:00 PM. At last news from Texas A&M can focus on football.

For those of you who have lived under a hot rock and do not know what all has gone on at Texas A&M, plus those of you who enjoy conspiracy theories and believe anything you read on the Internet here is a summary. Jimbo Fisher tried to hire a Black woman in the journalism department. But when it was discovered that she had no football skills her NIL contract was revoked three times. So the President of Texas A&M resigned. Then the new offensive coordinator, Bobby Petrino, asked a professor, who looked like a volleyball coach to join him on his motorcycle to go to The Dixie Chicken for a cocktail. When Lieutenant Governor, Dan Patrick, (the Costello of the Abbott duo) found out, he sent the Texas Alcohol and Tobacco Commission to investigate. They found that The Chicken does not serve cocktails and only serves beer. All investigations ceased. That was OK because just behind The Chicken in Northgate cocktails will be available at:

I cannot wait to not go!

Johnny Manziel to open bar, night club on Northgate https://www.kbtx.com/2023/08/01/johnny-manziel-open-bar-night-club-northgate/

One month prior to the first game is when I put the games and the opponents on the calendar. So here’s what I’m thinking…

September 2 New Mexico State @ Texas A&M – 6:00 – First Game Excitement

September 9 Texas A&M @ Miami – 2:30 – A litmus test of the season and on ABC too

September 16 @ 3:00 LA Monroe @ Texas A&M – Remember Appalachian State

September 23 Auburn @ Texas A&M TBD- The first Freeze of the SEC season

September 30 Texas A&M Arkansas – Aggies and Pigs at Jerry World

October 7 Alabama @ Texas A&M TBD Both teams from the state of Alabama in Kyle Field in the same year? Is there a transportation discount from Alabama to Texas? This is the Johnny Hawkins Game for the Tide. He was a cousin of Sadie Hawkins on his father’s side.

October 14 Texas A&M @ Tennessee – TBD Rocky Top and Ugly Orange Checkered Endzones

October 28 South Carolina @ Texas A&M TBD – Please be the 11:00 game! I have a wedding at 5:00!

November 4 Texas A&M @ Mississippi TBD – Hotty Totty, The game is in Oxford!

November 11 Mississippi State @ Texas A&M RIP Mike Leach and Big Solid

November 18 ACU @ Texas A&M @ 11:00 AM – The “You get a high percentage of the gate receipts if you survive” game.

November 25 Texas A&M @ LSU –How about two against L-S-U?

Games times may change due to anything that can happen.

See you at Johnny’s! Gig ‘Em!

2 Comments

Posted in College Football, college football, humor, Jimbo Fisher, Texas Aggie football, Texas Aggies

Tagged NCAA football, SEC, Texas A&M Football

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Posted on September 15, 2020 | 1 comment

Tuesday, September 15, 2020 – ZOOM!

Good Morning Class to those of you who have sufficient access and bandwidth. FYI – I told you in 2012 in my last Doctor Hat professional job, when I wrote the report to the United States Congress, that there was not enough bandwidth in the 50 states and Us territories to provide sufficient and equal online/distance learning. Google me.

During these wicked times, it is important to keep one’s mind sharp and active. Therefore, I have prepared some activities for you. There is no time limit.

If Train A leaves the station travelling at 65 miles per hour and Train B leaves the station traveling at 85 miles per hour in the opposite direction, how many glasses of wine can you drink before the two trains collide?
John, Jane, Jeff, and Joan are each holding a coin. John’s coin is larger in cents than Joan’s. Joan’s coin is larger in cents than Jeff’s. But Jane’s family owns the liquor store so who do you like best?
The radius of a 12-inch circle is the length of the line from the center to any point on the circle. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
Which one of these objects do not belong?
1. Wine
1. Wine
1. Wine
1. Spinach
Diagram the following sentence.
1. “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to Separation.”

Answers are due by midnight tonight.

Homework

Stay safe. Wear your mask.

And the wildfires – I have many friends in California and Oregon. I have heard from families in California who are safe, but the air is unbreathable, and they are unable to go outdoors. I have not heard from my Oregon friends, but one of the towns in Oregon where a friend lives has been in the news because it was destroyed.

Also, I have friends in the path of Hurricane Sally.

So please do your Deity and think of them and all of the others in Mother Nature’s wrath.

1 Comment

Posted in Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

Posted on September 14, 2020 | 1 comment

Monday, September 14, 2020 – The COVID Monday after College Football Awards

While it is true that Here’s What I’m Thinking has been in semi-quarantine (grocery store and gym), the truer reason is this. It is so dang hard to be happy and cheerful during The COVID Era. But perhaps the return of college football will spark some energy.

The awards usually follow a Snarky Friday about teams, but it just didn’t seem appropriate since last Friday was 9/11. Nineteen years later I still remember every detail from the moment the American Airlines plane I was on sat down in New Orleans until I reached Austin.

But let me see if I have any awards to hand out.

Let’s begin with an award that goes to every team that played. May I present you with the It Shows That There Was No Spring Practice Award. Most teams looked as though they would have difficulty against Our Sisters of the Perpetually Poor. Games were filled with false starts, illegal motions, lack of timing and favorite poor tackling.

The Blow-Out/Upset Award goes to each winning school in the Big 12 Conference. As in previous years, there are only ten universities and only four are located in Texas.

But if your Big 12 school won, it was a blow out. If your Big 12 lost, it was an upset. Better luck next week.

There is no Poopy Undies Award because games were not really close in score. Oh wait. Let’s give a Poopy Undies Award to Tortilla Tech who barely beat Houston Baptist 35 to 33. Houston Baptist? Nobody goes to HB to play football.

The award for No Spittle in the Air goes to the referee crews who used some kind of whistling gadget that when a button is pushed a shrill whistling sound can be heard in the next county. This was used rather than whistles to avoid spit droplets. (Most used a Fox 40 Classic – you can get one at your Walmart)

I would be remiss if I did not give The Cardboard Fan Cut Out Award to each team. Strange, but less booing of teams and referees,

However, the best award goes to B. J. Forester formerly of THE University of Texas at Austin. Mr. Forester receives the “Not ‘til Gabriel Blows His Horn for Me Award” for leaving the game and quitting the team in the third quarter.

Perhaps next week’s games will be more exciting. Bad football is better than no football. We can continue to wait until real college football season begins when the SEC plays. It just means more.

Stay safe. Wear a mask.

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, college football, Education, humor, The University of Texas, Uncategorized

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Posted on June 2, 2020 | 1 comment

Tuesday, June 2, 2020 – COVID 19 Be Damned – Let’s Play Football!

We are the Aggies and we are coming for you!

Aggie mask

https://youtu.be/5X3MZMxFMWc

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, college football, humor, Jimbo Fisher, Native Texan, Texas Aggie football, Texas Aggies, Uncategorized

Wednesday, February 19, 2020 – What’s the news across the nation?

Posted on February 19, 2020 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, February 19, 2020 – What’s the news across the nation?

What’s the news across the nation?

Remember Joann Worley and girls from Rowen and Martin’s Laugh-in? You should Google that sentence and actually see some of the clips of what R&M future news was back in 1968. Kinda scary. And of course, there was Goldie Hawn acting stupid all the way to the bank!

Here is a compilation of skits. It is long, but funny. https://youtu.be/cuwQp61ya1s

So, what is the news for today?

I see where the Rolling Stones are going on tour.

Mick Jagger is 78 years old. Keith Richards has been dead for decades and is really an android that is programmed to play guitar. Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts could be androids too.

Here’s What I’m Thinking. If I want to see old see old men sing and dance, I will invite some of you over for karaoke. Bring tequila! No gin in spite of the song. Memories of SFA and to all the Honky Tonk Women.

Monday, February 17, 2020 – Dressing for Court – Jury Call

Posted on February 17, 2020 | 2 comments

Monday, February 17, 2020 – Dressing for Court

Last Monday, I had jury duty. I know I am age exempt, but I choose to answer the summons and appear. I show up because I believe serving on a jury ranks right up there with voting and serving your country in the military. One is never too old to do these things in some way.

I noted on the summons the directive to “dress appropriately for court proceedings.” This is a relative phrase to one’s thought processes regarding what is appropriate for one’s court attire.

For example, I chose a pair of black twill pants, recently creased from the cleaners and a blue pin-stripe cotton button down shirt, also recently starched from the cleaners. I wore real black shoes (i.e. not tennis shoes or flip flops.) This ensemble was accentuated and topped off with my Ruth Bader Ginsberg socks. PS – my hair was not purple at the time.

There are three district courts on the fourth floor of the Brazos County Courthouse. All prospective jurors show up at 8:30 am. The result is many, many people milling around in their appropriate court attire. Most of the people are looking at their phones or reading a book. With each opening of the elevator door a new throng of appropriately attired court clothes appeared.

But then a man of some indeterminate age between 21 and 40, steps off the elevator. HE is wearing black jeans and black T-shirt with white lettering that read:

I (Heart) Big Fat Doobies.

I was so over-dressed. I was not one of the chosen ones for my district court. Not because of my appropriate attire. Probably when I said I was a “recovering bureaucrat retired from the state of Texas.” They know that I know how the systems work.

I do not know what happened to man. He was obviously called for another court. I have a pretty good guess that he too was not chosen FOR jury duty, but perhaps chosen BY the jury for jail duty.

Call Me!

2 Comments

Posted in humor, Uncategorized

Tagged jury summons

Monday, January 13, 2020 – TODAY! The Division I NCAA College Football Championship

Posted on January 13, 2020 | 2 comments

Monday, January 13, 2020 – TODAY! The Division I NCAA College Football Championship

TO: The LSU Tigers

FROM: The Institutions of Higher Education created by The Morrill Act (Land grants Universities),

The schools of the Southeastern Conference,

The people of Louisiana, and

Those who have roots there even though they do not live there

DATE: January 13, 2020

SUBJECT: Beat the Hell Out of Clemson

GEAUX TIGERS! Bring that trophy to Louisiana!

We are all wearing purple and gold today.

Besides, nobody looks good in orange. It does not match any other colors and does not rhyme with any other words.

Look, even my cat. Obviously, she is a descendant from the line of one of the LSU’s Mike the Tiger.

Peach on LSU shirt

This message is only good until November 28, 2020!

2 Comments

Posted in College Football, Education, humor, LSU, LSU Tigers, Native Texan, Uncategorized

Tagged NCAA National Championship 2020

Friday, January 10, 2020 – Until November 28, 2020 Continued

Posted on January 10, 2020 | 2 comments

Friday, January 10, 2020 – Until November 28, 2020 Continued

Many of you know that Donnie Daye was my first cousin. His mother and my mother were sisters.

Donnie played on the 1958 LSU Championship Team. He was a blocking back for Heisman Winner, Billy Cannon. Allegedly Donnie threw the block in the Halloween game that sprang Billy Cannon down the sideline to score against Ole Miss.

I only have a few LSU sports related memorabilia, but I do have this shirt, some pictures Donnie’s wife Penny sent and a pic or two of me and Billy Cannon. My conversation with Billy Cannon is a great memory.

Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 005 (600x800)

Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 004 - Copy (600x800)

Me: Mr. Cannon? Will you sign my shirt?

BC: Oh, my goodness. Where did you get this?

Me: In Godsheaux’s in …

BC: In Plaquemine, Louisiana?

Me: Yes. Donnie Daye is my first cousin. I was visiting our aunt who lives there a couple of years ago and bought this commorative shirt.

He moved the shirt to side, and we talked for about five minutes before he signed my shirt.

Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 003 - Copy (800x585)

I was able to get both Donnie and Billy to sign it. shirt 2.1

Check it out – Favorite Aggie Cuz!

Donnie and Penny Daye

Donnie passed away in December 2017. This is LSU’s tribute to Donnie the following football season.

Donnie, Penny and Billy have since gone to the Big Game. But I am thinking they are saying with me…

BEAT THE HELL OUTTA CLEMSON! AGAIN!

Sugar Bowl

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Posted in College Football, Education, humor, LSU, LSU Tigers, Native Texan, Uncategorized

Thursday, January 9, 2020 – Just Until November 28, 2020

Posted on January 9, 2020 | Leave a comment

Thursday, January 9, 2020 – Just Until November 28, 2020

Dear Friends and Especially my Family from Louisiana and to Donnie and Penny Daye and Billy Cannon in Heaven,

I have always believed that had my parents not moved to Texas I would have an LSU degree on the wall. Instead, there is a sheepskin on the wall from Texas A&M University.

Therefore, LSU fans, in anticipation of your upcoming game on January 13, 2020, celebrating the birthdays of myself and the lovely and talented CSE, who is actually from Louisiana, and the National Football Championship Game, I have written a song in anticipation victory.

Come on Joe, we gotta go me oh my oh

We gotta go pole the pirougue down the bayou

The S-E-C it just means more me oh my oh

Son of gun let’s have big fun on the bayou

Well jambalaya and a crawfish pie; make Clemson gumbo

Cause that night you gonna get football’s ma cher amino

We’ll pick guitars, fill fruit jars until Novembro,

Until then you gonna bring it on the bayou.

Friday, November 22, 2019 – Snarky Friday – Week 13 College Football

Posted on November 22, 2019 | Leave a comment

Friday, November 22, 2019 – Snarky Friday – Week 13 College Football

There has just been too much snark this week. Therefore, The Snark is out to reduce Snark Pollution and will only address a few games. Besides, my online class at The University of Legargy begins soon.

Penn State at Ohio State – 11:00 on Fox. For those you care. For the rest of us, it is a good time to run Saturday errands.

The only reason I include The War of the Catholics of Boston College and Notre Dame is for my weekly text from RL. It cheers me up. Oh, the game is on the Notre Dame Network (NBC) at 1:30. Plenty of time to make Saturday evening mass.

The rest of the times and stations appear to have cupcake games. These include: W. Carolina and Alabama, Samford (not STANFORD) at Auburn and LSU and Arkansas.

Therefore there are only two games of significance. And at the same scheduled time. Ugly face emoticon.

THE University of Texas at Baylor – 2:30 on FS1 in The Battle for I-35. Waco is only two hours north of Austin. I hope the Horns left early this morning. Given I-35 construction and traffic, the buses may arrive by game time tomorrow.

To the Bears! – Remember there are FOUR QUARTERS in the game. You have to play all of them. Sic ‘Em Bears. Pour that Baptist Holy Water in the Brazos.

Texas A&M at The University of Georgia – 2:30 CBS “between the hedges” in Sanford (Again, NOT STANFORD) Stadium. This promises to be heartbreaker for the team whose mascot is a canine. Let’s hope it is the team with the collie whose name begins with R that does the heart breaking.

Oh Snark. Aggies on CBS with Gary Danielson! Remember last week he laughed at and made fun of the female photographer who was knocked unconscious and carted off the field by stretcher. To shut Gary up, find a radio station with the Aggie/Georgia Game, mute the TV and enjoy the game. Or watch the TU and BU game.

BTHO Georgia!