Category Archives: humor

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Tuesday, June 2, 2020 – COVID 19 Be Damned – Let’s Play Football!

We are the Aggies and we are coming for you!

Aggie mask

 

https://youtu.be/5X3MZMxFMWc

Wednesday, February 19, 2020 – What’s the news across the nation?

Wednesday, February 19, 2020 – What’s the news across the nation?

What’s the news across the nation?

Remember Joann Worley and girls from Rowen and Martin’s Laugh-in? You should Google that sentence and actually see some of the clips of what R&M future news was back in 1968. Kinda scary. And of course, there was Goldie Hawn acting stupid all the way to the bank!

Here is a compilation of skits. It is long, but funny. https://youtu.be/cuwQp61ya1s

So, what is the news for today?

I see where the Rolling Stones are going on tour.stone logo

Mick Jagger is 78 years old. Keith Richards has been dead for decades and is really an android that is programmed to play guitar. Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts could be androids too.

Here’s What I’m Thinking. If I want to see old see old men sing and dance, I will invite some of you over for karaoke. Bring tequila! No gin in spite of the song. Memories of SFA and to all the Honky Tonk Women.

Monday, February 17, 2020 – Dressing for Court – Jury Call

Monday, February 17, 2020 – Dressing for Court

Last Monday, I had jury duty. I know I am age exempt, but I choose to answer the summons and appear. I show up because I believe serving on a jury ranks right up there with voting and serving your country in the military. One is never too old to do these things in some way.

I noted on the summons the directive to “dress appropriately for court proceedings.” This is a relative phrase to one’s thought processes regarding what is appropriate for one’s court attire.

For example, I chose a pair of black twill pants, recently creased from the cleaners and a blue pin-stripe cotton button down shirt, also recently starched from the cleaners. I wore real black shoes (i.e. not tennis shoes or flip flops.) This ensemble was accentuated and topped off with my Ruth Bader Ginsberg socks. PS – my hair was not purple at the time.

There are three district courts on the fourth floor of the Brazos County Courthouse. All prospective jurors show up at 8:30 am. The result is many, many people milling around in their appropriate court attire. Most of the people are looking at their phones or reading a book. With each opening of the elevator door a new throng of appropriately attired court clothes appeared.

But then a man of some indeterminate age between 21 and 40, steps off the elevator. HE is wearing black jeans and black T-shirt with white lettering that read:

I (Heart) Big Fat Doobies.

I was so over-dressed. I was not one of the chosen ones for my district court. Not because of my appropriate attire. Probably when I said I was a “recovering bureaucrat retired from the state of Texas.” They know that I know how the systems work.

I do not know what happened to man. He was obviously called for another court. I have a pretty good guess that he too was not chosen FOR jury duty, but perhaps chosen BY the jury for jail duty.

DSC_0478 (3)

Call Me!

Monday, January 13, 2020 – TODAY! The Division I NCAA College Football Championship

Monday, January 13, 2020 – TODAY! The Division I NCAA College Football Championship

TO:  The LSU Tigers

FROM: The Institutions of Higher Education created by The Morrill Act (Land grants Universities),

The schools of the Southeastern Conference,

The people of Louisiana, and

Those who have roots there even though they do not live there

DATE: January 13, 2020

SUBJECT:  Beat the Hell Out of Clemson

GEAUX TIGERS! Bring that trophy to Louisiana!

We are all wearing purple and gold today.

Besides, nobody looks good in orange. It does not match any other colors and does not rhyme with any other words.

Look, even my cat. Obviously, she is a descendant from the line of one of the LSU’s Mike the Tiger.

Peach on LSU shirt

This message is only good until November 28, 2020!

Friday, January 10, 2020 – Until November 28, 2020 Continued

Friday, January 10, 2020 – Until November 28, 2020 Continued

Many of you know that Donnie Daye was my first cousin. His mother and my mother were sisters.

Donnie played on the 1958 LSU Championship Team. He was a blocking back for Heisman Winner, Billy Cannon. Allegedly Donnie threw the block in the Halloween game that sprang Billy Cannon down the sideline to score against Ole Miss.

I only have a few LSU sports related memorabilia, but I do have this shirt, some pictures Donnie’s wife Penny sent and a pic or two of me and Billy Cannon. My conversation with Billy Cannon is a great memory.

Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 005 (600x800)

 

Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 004 - Copy (600x800)

Me: Mr. Cannon? Will you sign my shirt?

BC: Oh, my goodness. Where did you get this?

Me: In Godsheaux’s in …

BC: In Plaquemine, Louisiana?

Me: Yes. Donnie Daye is my first cousin. I was visiting our aunt who lives there a couple of years ago and bought this commorative shirt.

He moved the shirt to side, and we talked for about five minutes before he signed my shirt.

Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 003 - Copy (800x585)

 

I was able to get both Donnie and Billy to sign it.shirt 2.1

shirt 3.1

Check it out – Favorite Aggie Cuz!

Donnie and Penny

Donnie and Penny Daye

Tribute to Donnie on field (800x800)

Donnie passed away in December 2017. This is LSU’s tribute to Donnie the following football season.

Donnie, Penny and Billy have since gone to the Big Game. But I am thinking they are saying with me…

BEAT THE HELL OUTTA CLEMSON! AGAIN!

Sugar Bowl

 

Thursday, January 9, 2020 – Just Until November 28, 2020

Thursday, January 9, 2020 – Just Until November 28, 2020

Dear Friends and Especially my Family from Louisiana and to Donnie and Penny Daye and Billy Cannon in Heaven,

I have always believed that had my parents not moved to Texas I would have an LSU degree on the wall. Instead, there is a sheepskin on the wall from Texas A&M University.

Therefore, LSU fans, in anticipation of your upcoming game on January 13, 2020, celebrating the birthdays of myself and the lovely and talented CSE, who is actually from Louisiana, and the National Football Championship Game, I have written a song in anticipation victory.

 

Come on Joe, we gotta go me oh my oh

We gotta go pole the pirougue down the bayou

The S-E-C it just means more me oh my oh

Son of gun let’s have big fun on the bayou

Well jambalaya and a crawfish pie; make Clemson gumbo

Cause that night you gonna get football’s ma cher amino

We’ll pick guitars, fill fruit jars until Novembro,

Until then you gonna bring it on the bayou.

 

 

Friday, November 22, 2019 – Snarky Friday – Week 13 College Football

Friday, November 22, 2019 – Snarky Friday – Week 13 College Football

There has just been too much snark this week. Therefore, The Snark is out to reduce Snark Pollution and will only address a few games. Besides, my online class at The University of Legargy begins soon.

Penn State at Ohio State – 11:00 on Fox. For those you care. For the rest of us, it is a good time to run Saturday errands.

The only reason I include The War of the Catholics of Boston College and Notre Dame is for my weekly text from RL. It cheers me up. Oh, the game is on the Notre Dame Network (NBC) at 1:30. Plenty of time to make Saturday evening mass.

The rest of the times and stations appear to have cupcake games. These include: W. Carolina and Alabama, Samford (not STANFORD) at Auburn and LSU and Arkansas.

Therefore there are only two games of significance. And at the same scheduled time. Ugly face emoticon.

THE University of Texas at Baylor – 2:30 on FS1 in The Battle for I-35. Waco is only two hours north of Austin. I hope the Horns left early this morning. Given I-35 construction and traffic, the buses may arrive by game time tomorrow.

To the Bears! – Remember there are FOUR QUARTERS in the game. You have to play all of them. Sic ‘Em Bears. Pour that Baptist Holy Water in the Brazos.

Texas A&M at The University of Georgia – 2:30 CBS “between the hedges” in Sanford (Again, NOT STANFORD) Stadium. This promises to be heartbreaker for the team whose mascot is a canine. Let’s hope it is the team with the collie whose name begins with R that does the heart breaking.

Oh Snark. Aggies on CBS with Gary Danielson! Remember last week he laughed at and made fun of the female photographer who was knocked unconscious and carted off the field by stretcher. To shut Gary up, find a radio station with the Aggie/Georgia Game, mute the TV and enjoy the game. Or watch the TU and BU game.

BTHO Georgia!

Wednesday, November 20, 2019 – Some Mid Week Exercises

Wednesday, November 20, 2019 – Some Mid Week Exercises

OK – Let’s get up off that couch, put on our sports bra (or whatever items of support your gender requires), our tank top, our favorite shorts and our expensive running shoes and let’s do some exercises. Ready?

  1. Stand up tall with feet apart.
  2. Bend over and pick up a five pound potato sack.
  3. Hold it over your head as long as you can.
  4. Set it back down.
  5. Repeat three times.

EXCELLENT! FANTASTIC!

Now let’s up our exercise.

  1. Stand up tall with feet apart.
  2. Bend over and pick up a ten pound potato sack.
  3. Hold it over your head as long as you can.
  4. Set it back down.
  5. Repeat three times.

OH MY GOODNESS! YOU ARE GREAT!

Now, this time, let’s put the potatoes in the sacks and try again.

Friday, November 15, 2019 – The Return of the Snark

Friday, November 15, 2019 – The Return of the Snark

This is for the three of you of missed me. I apologize. I was taking an online course from The University of Legarthy. FYI – I made an A.

We are now at the point in the season of college football where each snap matters. Every touch of the football is critical. Each down is the “big play.” As I always state, this is about teams I like or teams that play teams I like. If you follow, Penn State, Michigan, Michigan State and/or Ohio State, find somebody who likes your teams.

So, this weekend, here is who I like and what I am thinking about each.

Alabama at Mississippi State at 11:00 on ESPN. See what happens when you lose a game. You get the awful 11:00 time slot. The cow bells are especially annoying at this hour.

Navy at ND 1:30 on NBC. Anchors Away! And take the weird leprechaun with you. RL, I shall await your weekly ND text.

THE University of Texas at Iowa State 2:30 on FS1. Even though Baylor students and faculty are turning the Brazos River into Holy Water for this weekend, do not look ahead. Else Bevo will be the cow in the Twister movie. The Cyclones are unpredictable.

Georgia and Auburn 2:30 on CBS. This is a keep the remote handy game with conference and bowl implications. The Snark crystal Bball says Georgia will be upset before the end of the season.

LSU and Ole Miss 6:00 on ESPN. Sweet memories of the Halloween Game of days gone by. Miss you Cousin Donnie Daye. And Cousin Penny too. Geaux Tigers!

Oklahoma at Baylor 6:30 on ABC. As mentioned, the Brazos River that runs by McLane Stadium is being filled with holy water in an effort to keep Baylor undefeated.  It is not like there have not been miracles on the Brazos in previous years.

ESPN Game Day will be broadcast from Waco. HWIT. This is a biggie. It is a huge game with Big 12 Conference titles and bowl game selections on line.

Fans are expected to start camping out around the stadium around 4:00 pm TODAY! The Home Depot Campus Cornhole Challenge is from 1:-30-3:30. I can’t wait until Cornhole becomes an NCAA sport.

The Snark’s crystal ball says Chip and Joanna will be guest pickers with food coming from their Magnolia Diner. The Magnolia Diner is where the original Elite on the Circle café was. If you have been to Waco and gone around “the circle” a few times, you know what I am talking about. I even have a button that says “I survived The Elite Circle.” Watch out Bears, you could get stuck in “the circle.”

With the remote firmly in hand to keep up with Baylor, naturally I shall be watching:

South Carolina at Texas A&M 6:30 on SECN. This is the last home game before Jimbo and the Ags go on the road again to Athens and Baton Rouge to close out the season.

The A&M fans will “pass it back” and will join the South Carolina fans by holding up three fingers in the third quarter to honor the life of Tyler Hilinski. Tyler is the late brother of South Carolina quarterback Ryan Hilinski. Tyler was also a Division I quarterback at Washington State. Tyler took his own life in January 2018. The family’s organization of Hilinski’s Hope calls attention to mental illness among athletes.

However, at the end of the Fourth Quarter the Aggies will

BTHO out of South Carolina. Gig ‘Em Aggies!

Tuesday, November 12, 2019 – Where Have You Gone, Joe Dimaggio?

Tuesday, November 12, 2019 – Where Have You Gone, Joe Dimaggio?

I know. I have not been to writing or thinking of anything lately. I actually had the old-fashioned croup! I started a new medicine a couple of weeks ago – eye drops of all things. It was last night as I was reading the “side effects may include” on the enclosed sheet of my new medicine that I read “may cause upper respiratory infections.” I suppose I should have read the possible side effects first. Anyhoo – I am no longer a cold medicine zombie.

I belong to one of those neighborhood apps. People post all kinds of things – lost pets, found pets, items for sale, suspicious crime activity (my fav), and requests for many items. Here is one from last week. Let’s hear it for autocorrect and proof reading.

Any spare demon jackets?

Hi there close and near by neighbors. I am currently trying to pick up a new hobby and it requires denim jackets. I am seeking used and old jackets. I’ve gone to thrift stores and resale shops but can’t find much. I don’t need to find brand new conditioned… I’ll accept old and used and any color.

Thank goodness the requestor clarified in the request. She did correct and update the post later.

I do not have any spare demon jackets. Heck, I do not even own a denim jacket. Stay warm.

Big Boy Steam Engine coming down the track in Navasota, Texas. November 8, 2019