Friday, August 29, 2014
It is indeed a fine morning in Aggieland. Nothing could be finer. Now, I do not want to rub it in, but somebody got their Palmetto asses whipped last night – like the worst ass whipping at home in Spurrier’s career. Perhaps the Gamecocks should sit in bathtubs and hold hands with each other like in that commercial to help get it up. I have yet to figure out the marketing strategy behind the separate bathtubs as the harbinger of romance. I have also yet to figure out if it is my actual physical presence in Aggieland, or that I had my picture made with Yell Leaders, or the dead birds in my trash can, that resulted in the win, but what a shocker to all. Don’t under estimate the Aggies and don’t bet money on them either. Even though the Gamecock fans were heading for the EXITS at the 12 minute mark in the fourth quarter, most of us Aggies were waiting until the final whistle. We have seen the Aggies fall apart and lose large leads for years. But what a way to start the season! The next two weeks bring more birds – a Cardinal and an Owl – but I doubt I will try the dead bird spell again. It stinks. Therefore, I am going to switch to a voodoo doll of Lushberger and hope he catches a severe case of laryngitis that takes him out for the rest of the SEC season. He and Palmer finally quick talking about “What would Johnny Do?” and “When I was at Florida…” respectively, midway in the second quarter. Well, even if it is only for a week, it is good to be King of the Hill. And Brent, Johnny Jamboogie would do this, she Snickered. Enjoy Labor Day.
Game Day – Thursday, August 28, 2014
Dust off your old tap shoes and step, ball change along to the old Vaudeville song:
Nothing would be finer than to have beaten Carolina in the morning;
Nothing would be sweeter than to read of how we beat ‘em in the morning:
If I had Aladdin’s Lamp for only one day; I’d make a wish and here’s what I’d say;
Nothing would be finer than to have beaten Carolina in morrrrrrrrrning.
Well, it is a looooong time until Friday morning, but here we go. Tonight at 5:00 pm CST, live on the SEC network, from Columbia, South Carolina to kick off to the 2014 college football season, premiering will be the Fighting Texas Aggies and the Fighting Gamecocks. These two teams kick off a new season, a new network, a new playoff system, new stadiums (or is it stadia?); new coaches, and many new and hopeful teams and their loyal fans. I am already as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. So Gig ‘Em Aggies! Sic “Em Bears! Give ‘Em the Ax, Jacks and even you too, Longhorns. Bring home a win.
Here is a photo I had taken at the mini yell practice to kick off the new SEC Network. I almost had to throw a woman and her small child down the steps of the Association Building to do it, so please be appreciative.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Happy Birthday, LBJ. Is former president Lyndon B. Johnson’s birthday still a state holiday? Here are a couple of history trivia questions to celebrate: what were the names of the two beagles that President Johnson was holding by their ears in a news photo? And what was Lady Bird’s real name? True native, born Texans know this.
While you are thinking, congratulations to the entire cast and crew of Breaking Bad who took home lots of Emmy Awards Monday night. What a great series. If you think it is just about a chemistry teacher with cancer who makes methamphetamines, you are incorrect. It is about so much more than that and the acting is superb. I promise you will never look at buildings, businesses and warehouses the same again. Aaron Paul, if you are reading this, please come to my house and sit on the sofa so I can just look at you. Too bad True Detective was in the same category. I do hope the series returns to cable on demand or Netflix. I watched half of the series, which is excellent and not just because of Woody Harrelson and Mr. Alright, Alright, Alright, Matthew, but I did not watch the ending date when the series would be removed and missed the last three episodes.
OK – everybody back to work to whatever you are doing. The beagles’ names were Him and Her and LBJ was photographed holding the dogs seeming by their ears. Animal activists protested. Hey, it was the 1960’s – people protested everything.The beautiful and gracious Lady Bird Johnson was born Claudia Taylor.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
One more day and the garbage and the dead birds go to the curb. Two more days and the Aggies and Gamecocks kickoff the SEC Network. Currently, Sometimes Link has no signal. There better be a signal in a short while or me and Mr. Roy D. Mercer will just have to go down there and whip some ass. I was able to hang pictures in the new home thanks to my friend from Navasota, TPM. Sunday morning we first hung a giant lithograph of hot air balloons over my bed. When we stepped back we realized the picture was not centered over the bed. Just as I began to climb back on the bed to move the picture, TPM had the bright idea of “Let’s move the bed.” So we did that rather than move the picture. But here is another picture I hung over the week end. If you are unable to read the document, it is my retirement and thank you for my 22 years of service to the boys and girls of Texas. (Note: It was 32) signed (electronically) by Captain Hairspray himself. Hey, at least I had it framed.
Monday, August 25, 2014 – Game Week – Game One
I have a dead bird and a dead chicken in my tightly sealed, garbage can that is sitting in my unairconditioned garage and the garbage pick-up is not until Wednesday, still 48 hours away. Sunday morning I opened the door from the kitchen to the garage and thought “Call CSI – something is dead in here. “ It was the bird and the chicken. Actually, it was the chicken part. More specifically, a chicken breast. Lest you think I am conducting sacrifices the week the Aggies’ opponent is South Carolina, whose mascot is a chicken, rooster, gamecock named, Cocky, it is purely coincidence. Coincidence and stupidity. Friday morning, I found a dead mourning dove in the backyard. Hey, they are stupid birds and fly into things. I carefully put it in a plastic bag, then put the sealed bag in a fresh fragrance garbage bag, tied it very securely, said a little prayer and put it in the garbage can. Friday evening, just around supper time, I found the frozen chicken breast at the bottom of the freezer and rather than let it thaw slowly while under refrigeration, I just tossed the frozen chunk into the sink to thaw. I promptly forgot about it until Saturday morning. Late Saturday morning. I was afraid to eat it for fear of salmonella, swine flu, chicken flu, mad cow disease, E.coli, West Nile virus, SARS, Ebola or whatever catastrophic illness results from eating chicken that has been left out. This is the point where my senses departed. Unlike the dead backyard wild bird, I carelessly tossed chicken part, still in the plastic baggie, into my kitchen garbage bag, which needed to be taken out. So I then tossed the somewhat still open garbage bag with the chicken breast on top into the giant green plastic can marked Bryan Utilities. By Sunday morning the smell was eye-watering and as I said, garbage pick-up is still many hours away. Of course I can sit the can out Tuesday evening so odors of the dead can pervade the neighborhood evening. The neighbors will think I killed somebody or am a witch. A Witch! That’s it. If anyone asks about the smell coming from my garage and/or trash can, I will tell them I cast a spell (sounds so much more gentle than sacrifice) on the South Carolina mascot so the Aggies will win and yes, there is a dead bird and a dead chicken in my garbage can. Completely understandable. Will probably become a tradition.
Friday, August 22, 2014
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s South Carolina
This time next week, the Fightin Texas Aggies will either be 1-0 or time will have run out against the Fighin Gamecocks. Wait. A fighting gamecock is from the department of redundancy department. In order to be a gamecock, a rooster must be bred to fight in a “game” called cockfighting. Therefore a Gamecock is a highly bred, male chicken that fights. All gamecocks are roosters, but not all roosters are gamecocks. Bottom line is this. A gamecock is a chicken. Granted one bred to fight, but still a chicken. I think Chickens might have been a better mascot. I can only imagine what their yells might be with gamecock in them. Or worse yet, fraternity songs! How does this look? The South Carolina Fans are yelling something about a gamecock while the Aggie Fans are yelling “Hump It!” Someone did not think this through. I see where Captain Hairspray will be attending the game in Columbia. I believe he will be reviewing South Carolina’s succession documents to see just how it became the first state to succeed from the Union in 1861, just in case that secessionist movement is a campaign contributor and Perry makes it a platform to have Texas succeed from the Union. I would promise not to write snarky things about Rick Perry (for at least one week) if he would take the ALS Bucket Challenge. I would donate to ALS to see that.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
One week from today we are all headed to Columbia, South Carolina to watch The Dog and The Chicken. OK – Reveille and Cocky. I have been cleaning the floors this morning. The floors throughout the house are stone and government beige. Therefore when the floors begin to show patterns I know it is time to clean. I like to do the Cinderella thing on the floor of the kitchen. This means getting on my knees with a bucket and sponge. This is because I want to ensure that the patterns and spots of dirt, coffee stains and grime do not create a face of someone famous and that I inadvertently mop it away. I think if I got a spot of dirt that looked like Mother Teresa, Jesus, Mary or Willie Nelson, I could call it a shrine and people would come to the shrine and I could charge admission. I would probably have a better chance of a shrine if the dirt pattern resembled Reveille. So such luck today. But the floors are spotless!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
PETA reportedly announced that coyotes along Texas running trails are currently safe from the governor running and carrying a concealed handgun.This is due to the law that states, individuals under indictment may not hold a concealed handgun’s license. However, coyotes should watch for the governor running and carrying a hunting rifle, since this is allowed by law. Remember when Dorothy pulled the curtain away to reveal that the Great and Powerful Oz was only an illusion and done with smoke and mirrors? If one pulls back the curtain on Captain Hairspray, one finds the spinmeisters spinning faster than a cycling class on Saturday morning. One sees there is way more to this than just wanting to get rid of a county official and playing political hardball. Side Irony Bar: Team Perry is playing hardball politics like a Washington insider.
Ten Facts About #Briberygate and the Cancer Research Center Scandal
1. Taxpayer money for cancer research was funneled to Abbott and Perry campaign donors.
2. Abbott was appointed watchdog for the cancer research center…then skipped every meeting.
3. Scientists resigned in protest due to questionable cancer research grant awards.
4. The Public Integrity Unit investigated a criminal complaint that led to a felony indictment.
5. Abbott allegedly attempted to investigate the wrongdoing he was supposed to prevent.
6. Rick Perry threatened to veto funding for the Public Integrity Unit – which was the office investigating the donors receiving cancer grants.
7. Now a grand jury is investigating a criminal complaint against Perry alleging bribery and coercion of a public official.
8. After the vote, the Governor’s associates extended offers in exchange for the resignation of the DA investigating Perry and Abbott donors.
9. Perry hired a $450/hour criminal defense attorney – and you’re paying for it.
10. Wendy Davis is fighting back against Perry and Abbott’s betrayal.
As a recovering bureaucrat whose signature was on thousands of grants, the following rule is ebbed on your eyelids and tattooed on your forearms: You do not have to defend the results; you have to defend the process.
Posted in Politics
Tagged Rick Perry
Wednesday, August 19, 2014
Match the following word with its correct definition. 1. Erotica, 2. Eureka, 3. Errata and 4. Eroica.
- A symphony by Beethoven, B. 50 Shades of Gray, C. Errata – a listing of mistakes or errors in writing and D. I found it.
If you said 3, Errata as C – a listing of mistakes or errors in writing, you pass the test and can pass to the next grade or graduate from high school. So today is errata day. I noticed, because there are still so many bags on the shelf, that the new Lay’s Potato Chip flavor is Wasabi Ginger. Not Wasabi Vinegar as I once thought. Personally, I think Wasabi Ginger makes a nice name for a stripper and I am seriously considering it. The other major errata concerns Mr. Mercer of “I’m gonna whip your ass” fame. In the entry where I was going to whip some golf course’s ass, I listed the man’s name as Lee Roy Mercer. Two people said, “You mean Roy D. Mercer, right?” Actually, both of us are correct. From the all-knowing Wikipedia:
Brent Douglas and Phil Stone, disc jockeys on KMOD-FM, a rock radio station, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, created the Roy D. Mercer character in 1993.
Many claim that Roy D. Mercer was inspired by “Leroy Mercer,” a character created in Tennessee by John Bean, who made prank calls circulated by hand-to-hand tape exchange in the early 1980s. Leroy Mercer, voiced by John Bean, also called individuals and businesses threatening an “ass-whuppin.” Douglas and Stone claimed the name is coincidental. Roy D. Mercer uses some of the lines from Leroy Mercer. Well, mercy me.
Answer Key – 4A. 3C. 1B. and 2D.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Let me see I was going to write about three things – football, the weather, and Oops! Maybe Captain Hairspray? Don’t tell me you didn’t see this post coming. Governor Goodhair, you continue to make Texas history. First you are the longest reigning governor ever and now you are the first indictment since James “Pa” Ferguson in 1917. There is a similarity between the two. Governor Ferguson was indicted for wanting to get rid of University of Texas faculty and officials because he did not like them. You want to get rid of the Travis County District Attorney because she is a Democrat, granted a highly intoxicated one at one time. Any high school civics teacher knows you overstepped your power. You do not get to govern Travis County agencies. The county does. That is called an abuse of power. It wasn’t that you vetoed the agency and withheld its funding, it is that you said you were going to if she did not resign. You do not get to do that. You don’t get to rule on county employees even if they are drunk. Speaking of abuse of power, I see where your defense attorney for this action makes $450 PER HOUR of state funds. Yikes.I knew I should have been a lawyer. I hope having to go to the court house to get finger printed and have your mug shot taken and then go to trial does not distract you from your war with Mexico or delays your trip to New Hampshire with its 17 miles of coastland. State officials have estimated the deployment of Texas National Guard troops along the border cost $12 million per month. PER MONTH! Well, Captain Hairspray, you lawyer yourself up, guard the border, and I will just bend over, but keep my voter registration card current. Only parsley, sage, Rosemary and thyme will tell.