Tag Archives: Ohio State University

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on September 17, 2018 | 1 comment

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Review: I write about the teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

So On Wisconsin to accept your Poopy Undies Award for losing to BYU 21-24.

The Wisconsin kicker who missed the game tying field goal to go to overtime receives The Hooked Left Award. This comes with a Bless Your Heart Certificate.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Tigers of LSU and their fans. Nevertheless, a win over Auburn is worth it.

The Best Kick of the Day goes to the LSU kicker for kicking the game winning field goal with two seconds on the clock. LSU 22-Auburn 21.

It was not close enough for Poopy Undies but I am awarding the Grab Your Beads Award to Notre Dame for allowing Vanderbilt to come close. ND – 22 Vandy 17.

The One Kick Off Wonder Award goes to Ole Miss for their one and only score against Alabama. Tide 62 – Ole Miss 7. Rumors abound that Coach Saban put in the women’s soccer team; the tuba section of the band and two cheerleaders in the fourth quarter.

Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi State all share the We Scored Lots of Points and Win Big Award.

Baylor lost to Duke in what was not even close in The Baptists and Blue Devil Bowl. BU 27 Duke 40. I supposed the Blue Devil thing extends beyond Wake Forest. (See last Friday) It will be ok; Baylor, Kansas is next weekend. What? Kansas scored 55 points against Rutgers? I don’t know if Kansas scored 55 points last season in four games. Rock Chalk Jayhawk could cause some problems in Waco land.

Congrats to THE University of Texas for their win over USC 37 -14. However, I award the Horns The Ugly Uniform Award. Tradition is one thing, but uniforms that look like 1956 are another. They just look old.

Ohio State achieved The Revenge on The Little Sisters of the Poor Award by a 40 to 28 win over TCU. Watch out Texas the Frogs will be spitting mad next weekend. And their uniforms are prettier.

The Best Play of Any Football Game of the Weekend Award goes to University of North Texas for the fake fair catch and then touchdown run. Even if you have seen it, it is still fun to watch. The School Yard Play Award to UNT!

That means Arkansas gets The Our Face is as Red as Our Uniforms Award. Meanwhile the Eagles turned the Arkansas Hogs into a pig sty with a 44 to 17 win.

https://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2018/9/16/17864636/north-texas-fake-fair-catch-punt-return-td

The Throw Back to Last Year Award goes to the Texas Aggies. You looked like last year’s Aggies. This will not play well in Tuscaloosa next weekend. However, let us not forget the Aggies had FOUR touchdowns recalled. The score ended 48 to 10 over University Louisiana Monroe.

My last award of the day goes to the two mouths talking in the SEC announcer booth for the Aggies and Monroe game. Quite simply – YOU BOTH SUCK! You are supposed to call the football game. Instead you spent the entire fourth quarter talking:

  • Over the referee’s calls
  • While players are injured on the field
  • About personal stories of people and things nobody knows or cares about
  • Your impressions of all the Aggie and Warhawk football players you met during the week

With each play, instead of calling the play, you both gave your biased analysis of how that play or that player will do against Alabama next week. Granted, I do not know Coach Nick Saban. But here’s what I’m thinking. If Coach Saban wanted or needed your opinions, he would have already asked you and you would not be sitting in an announcing both doing a crappy job.

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Jimbo Fisher, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

Posted on November 4, 2016 | 1 comment

Friday, November 4, 2016 – The Friday Football Snark – Who’s In?

The College Football Selection Committee announced on Tuesday, “Who’s In?” These are the four football teams that would match up for a national championship if the season ended on Tuesday. But the season did not end on Tuesday. Nor will it end on Saturday, but the Who’s In can change.

Before we see Who’s In, let’s begin with Who’s UP and Who are you?

Who is (are) the Idiots of Sports Programming who schedule football games at 11:00 am in the morning?

Moving along to Who’s Out? – These are the teams currently deemed out of contention for a National Championship in college football. However, one or two may go to a nice bowl game while the remaining will play in lesser bowl games in prime vacation spots like Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, you can go to the casinos.

From the Who’s Out from the Small 12 Conference:

Falling backwards to yesterday, OU defeated Iowa State 34 to 24. Do not forget to “fall back” and set your clocks back this weekend.

Coming to you live from Lubbock, Texas at the unholy hour of 11:00 am on FS 1 THE University of Texas plays Tortilla Tech. Flying breakfast tacos. Tech (800x600)

This should be an offensive delight. Hook ‘Em Hippies!

At the reasonable hour of 2:30 FOX brings us Baylor and TCU. This would have been more exciting if last weekend had not happened to both teams.

On ABC @ 2:30 the Cowboys of Oklahoma State play the Wildkats of Kansas State. FYI, Ms. Navasota – Bill Snyder is alive. Love you, Pistol Pete!

Who’s In? And Who Could Be In?

Surprising all of football and delighting all of Aggieland, the #4 Texas A&M Aggies play the Mississippi State Bulldogs. This is at the ridiculous hour of 11:00 AM on the “you must pay for it with your cable” the SECN. One game at a time Aggies! Vote for Conner McQueen for President! Trevor Knight for VP. Platform: “Gig ‘Em!”

Following the Aggies on ESPN @ 2:30 the Terrapins of Maryland play #3 Michigan. Please, oh please – The Turtle and the Hare! Maryland, My Maryland!

At the same time (2:30) on ABC in the Game of Orange we have Syracuse and # 2 Clemson. Go Round Orange Thing!

Otto the Orange

At 5:00 we have an Aggie Women’s Basketball Exhibition Game with Oklahoma City University @ Reed Arena. Go Lashes! No TV, but most of the season is on SEC.

Lashes 2 (800x450)

Returning home just in time for an evening of excitement:

On ABC at 7:00 Nebraska plays # 6 OHIO State. Go Huskers. Nobody likes nuts in their cornbread and Ohio uses plain bread to make dressing. Dreadful!

But rocking Baton Rouge at 7:00 PM on CBS the # 1 Alabama Tide rolls into Death Valley to meet the Tigers of LSU. So sorry dear Tide friends – but I gotta go with family on this one! Tiger Boogie! GEAUX Tigers!

And should you still be awake at 9:30 the # 5 Washington Huskies play the Bears of Cal  on ESPN. Go BEARS!Beer Bear

Twelfth Man (800x600)

12Th Man Statue – North Entrance to Kyle Field. College Station, Texas. Photo by me.

BTHO Mississippi State!

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Posted in college basketball, College Football, humor, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, September 16, 2016 – Snarky Friday – College Football

Posted on September 16, 2016 | 1 comment

Friday, September 16, 2016 – Snarky Friday – College Football

Let’s begin with last evening’s tryouts for the Big 12 Conference. Our contest was between the University of Houston and WKRP in Cincinnati. I vote no to Cincinnati. While those really creepy black masks will go very well in parts of Texas and especially in Lubbock, are Cincinnati and the state of Ohio aware that Texas is an open carry state for handguns? Wearing masks is frowned up and tends to lead to unwanted unpleasantries in states where we are packing heat.

My second reason to vote no were those migraine causing flapping black and white tube things. This is equal to the obnoxious cowbells from Mississippi State and the seizure causing blue football field of Boise State. UH Cougars 40 WKRP Cincinnati Bearkats 16, but much closer than the score indicates.

Tonight we shall be treated to an old Southwest Conference rivalry – Baylor and Rice at Rice Stadium @ 7:00 on ESPN. Beware of the MOB, Bears. You have lots of garbage of which the Marching Owl Band can make fun.

# 1 Alabama and # 19 Ole Miss 2:30 CBS – The Tide Rolls into The Grove in Oxford. This could prove to be a game requiring multiple toddies. Coach Sabin does not want to lose for a third time to the Rebels. John and BJ and Lisa and Ric and Hopper, please know virtual CPR and breathing exercises are available via texts. I shall expect the same at 6:00 against Auburn. Roll Tide.

What programming idiots scheduled these games at the same time? I will have carpel thumb syndrome from the remote. Set those TIVOs to record.

Texas A&M and Auburn at 6:00 ESPN at Auburn. Aubie is the official tiger mascot of Auburn University. According to Wikipedia “Aubie is an anthropomorphic tiger.” Reveille IX is the mascot of Texas A&M. Reveille is a real collie. Rev 3 (800x600)

I don’t know what anthropomorphic means other than it sounds like Aubie can’t go to the bathroom in North Carolina. BTHO Auburn.

Mississippi State and LSU at 6:30 on ESPN2 in Tiger Stadium, Baton Rouge. This could be a For Whom the Cow Bells Toll. I am thinking the Tigers better bring their A game. Otherwise those obnoxious cowbells will be running Miles down the road.

Tiger Stadium (800x389)

Ohio State and OU 6:30 Fox – Lots of red, white and grey for this one. And that is just the wine list and vodka suggestion. Seeds and Sooners in Norman.

Michigan State and Notre Dame at 6:30 on the Notre Dame Network, NBC. I shall anxiously await your texts, Mr. RL. Go Spartans!

USC and #7 Stanford at 7 on ABC. Trojans versus Cardinal. Big rivalry at stake in the Pac 12. I am going with the brainiacs.

THE University of Texas and California Berkley at 9:30 on ESPN. Bevo and the Bears. Still courting the PAC 12, Texas? Hook ‘Em Hippies! Longhorn Band (800x600)

BTHO Auburn.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2015 – And The Winners Are?

Posted on January 13, 2015 | 1 comment

Tuesday, January 13, 2015 – And The Winners Are?

“I Am Born.” That is the title of chapter one of what novel? Extra credit if you know the author.

Before I get to my last college football awards until next season, there is one more birthday to celebrate. MINE. Four score and seven years ago… No wait. That is The Gettysburg Address.  Three score and six years ago, I was born on this day.  That makes me 36, right?

Today marks the beginning of the 84th Texas Legislative session or as we referred to it – The Silly Season. Great niece Twin 2 begins her job as an assistant clerk with the Senate Transportation Committee.  I sent her a tweet that says “Good luck. Observe. Learn. And keep your voter registration card current.” Do I miss being a bureaucrat during session? I do miss the excitement, but I do not miss the long, grueling hours and the frustration. But I must say when I saw the email “First Reading” that begins the tracking of bills, my heart did flutter a bit. But I shall try to channel in the great, gone too soon, Molly Ivins and write about the session. Just a preview – today, at the opening session, armed gun activists are expected to gather outside the capitol.

And now – May I have the envelope please?

My award winners for the inaugural college football playoff are:

First runner-up award goes to Oregon. Duck Duck Sink. In the event the first place winner is unable to full her duties, (like some antiquated NCAA eligibility rule will surface) will Oregon get to be the National Champion?

And the 2015 National Champion of NCAA, college football, Division I is THE Ohio State University. What a way to dot that “I.” This in spite of the fact the flag bearers misspelled OHIO by forgetting the second “O” before the game began.

I had a three-way tie for most valuable players. While running back Ezekiel Elliot had a game of biblical proportions and safety Tyvis Powell led the team with nine tackles, my Most Valuable Player Award goes to Twelve Gauge, Cardale Jones. Did you see the arm on that guy?  There is a reason his teammates call him twelve-gauge like a shotgun. That and the fact he is huge and fast and extremely mobile. And he was the THIRD string QB?

Congratulations to The Ohio State University, but I still do not know what those little stickers on your helmets are. Nevertheless, everybody should have a helmet filled with them for a job well done. And you did it through hard work, facing epic obstacles and never, never gave up or quit believing in yourselves. Well done, gentlemen.

But now for the true winner$ of the fir$t college playoff$ $erie$:

  • AT&T
  • ESPN
  • NIKE and
  • Dr. Pepper aka Larry Culpepper.

Larry, will we see you ad nauseum during March Madness?

Parting shots – I see where Texas A&M has released quarterback Kenny Hill to explore his options.  Rumor has TCU in the mix.  Good luck, Kenny. I am sure there are flower beds in front of bars and restaurants in Fort Worth.  As the Aggies say, “Highway 6 runs both ways” meaning “if you can’t cut it at Texas A&M, go somewhere else.”

And to Johnny Football – You had that name trademarked or copyrighted. Do you plan to have Johnny Screw Up trademarked or copyrighted too? Get it together, Johnny! The partying is over, until you can take the Browns to a descent NFL season.

And to Kyle Allen, who tweeted “I want that feeling” – Fighting Texas Aggies everywhere want the feeling of a national championship too.  Take us there. BTHO – Arizona State, September 5, 2015

Chapter One from Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield (not the magician) is titled “I Am Born.”

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