Tag Archives: SEC

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 17, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Review: I write about the teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

So On Wisconsin to accept your Poopy Undies Award for losing to BYU 21-24.

The Wisconsin kicker who missed the game tying field goal to go to overtime receives The Hooked Left Award. This comes with a Bless Your Heart Certificate.

Also receiving a Poopy Undies Award are the Tigers of LSU and their fans. Nevertheless, a win over Auburn is worth it.

The Best Kick of the Day goes to the LSU kicker for kicking the game winning field goal with two seconds on the clock. LSU 22-Auburn 21.

It was not close enough for Poopy Undies but I am awarding the Grab Your Beads Award to Notre Dame for allowing Vanderbilt to come close. ND – 22 Vandy 17.

The One Kick Off Wonder Award goes to Ole Miss for their one and only score against Alabama. Tide 62 – Ole Miss 7. Rumors abound that Coach Saban put in the women’s soccer team; the tuba section of the band and two cheerleaders in the fourth quarter.

Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi State all share the We Scored Lots of Points and Win Big Award.

Baylor lost to Duke in what was not even close in The Baptists and Blue Devil Bowl. BU 27 Duke 40. I supposed the Blue Devil thing extends beyond Wake Forest. (See last Friday) It will be ok; Baylor, Kansas is next weekend. What? Kansas scored 55 points against Rutgers? I don’t know if Kansas scored 55 points last season in four games. Rock Chalk Jayhawk could cause some problems in Waco land.

Congrats to THE University of Texas for their win over USC 37 -14. However, I award the Horns The Ugly Uniform Award. Tradition is one thing, but uniforms that look like 1956 are another. They just look old.

Ohio State achieved The Revenge on The Little Sisters of the Poor Award by a 40 to 28 win over TCU. Watch out Texas the Frogs will be spitting mad next weekend. And their uniforms are prettier.

The Best Play of Any Football Game of the Weekend Award goes to University of North Texas for the fake fair catch and then touchdown run. Even if you have seen it, it is still fun to watch. The School Yard Play Award to UNT!

That means Arkansas gets The Our Face is as Red as Our Uniforms Award. Meanwhile the Eagles turned the Arkansas Hogs into a pig sty with a 44 to 17 win.

https://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2018/9/16/17864636/north-texas-fake-fair-catch-punt-return-td

The Throw Back to Last Year Award goes to the Texas Aggies. You looked like last year’s Aggies. This will not play well in Tuscaloosa next weekend. However, let us not forget the Aggies had FOUR touchdowns recalled. The score ended 48 to 10 over University Louisiana Monroe.

My last award of the day goes to the two mouths talking in the SEC announcer booth for the Aggies and Monroe game. Quite simply – YOU BOTH SUCK! You are supposed to call the football game. Instead you spent the entire fourth quarter talking:

  • Over the referee’s calls
  • While players are injured on the field
  • About personal stories of people and things nobody knows or cares about
  • Your impressions of all the Aggie and Warhawk football players you met during the week

With each play, instead of calling the play, you both gave your biased analysis of how that play or that player will do against Alabama next week. Granted, I do not know Coach Nick Saban. But here’s what I’m thinking. If Coach Saban wanted or needed your opinions, he would have already asked you and you would not be sitting in an announcing both doing a crappy job.

Monday, September 3, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 3, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

What a wonderful weekend of college football. Let’s get right to the awards.

My first two awards are the Class Awards. The first one goes to Maryland for honoring their late teammate Jordan McNair by lining up in a missing man formation. The second award goes to THE University of Texas for declining the penalty for ten men on the field.

The always favorite Poopy Undies Award goes to Penn State for scaring their fans into OT but winning against Appalachian State 45-38.

The following teams receive The Dominator Award for scoring big numbers on cupcake teams.

  • OU 63 – FAU 14
  • *Mississippi State 63 – SFA 6
  • *Texas A&M 59 – Northwestern 7
  • Oklahoma State 58 – Missouri State – 17
  • *Arkansas 55 – E. Illinois 20
  • Baylor 55 – Abilene Christian 27
  • TCU 55 – Southern 7
  • *Florida 53 – Charleston South 6
  • *Alabama 51 – Louisville 14
  • *Missouri 51 – UT Martin 14
  • Clemson 48 – Furman 7
  • *Ole Miss 47 – Texas Tech 27
  • *Georgia 45 – Austin Peay 0
  • WVU 40 – Tennessee 14 Really Tennessee? I thought this was your year. You looked as faded as your checkerboard end zones.

The following teams receive a Timex Award because they all took a licking but kept on ticking. Those gate receipts will buy lots of athletic tape for the bumps and bruises.

  • FAU 14- OU 63
  • SFA 6 – Mississippi State 63
  • Northwestern 7 – Texas A&M 59
  • Abilene Christian 27- Baylor 55
  • E. Illinois 20 – Arkansas 55
  • Southern 7 – TCU 55
  • Charleston South – 6 Florida 53
  • Louisville 14 – Alabama 51
  • UT Martin 14 Missouri 51
  • Furman 7 – Clemson 48
  • Austin Peay 0 – Georgia 45
  • Texas Tech 27 – Ole Miss 47
  • WVU 40 – Tennessee 14

Moving on down the Awards Field.

The Remember the Aggie/UCLA Game Award goes to Michigan State, THE University of Texas and LSU for getting far ahead and then fighting for the win in the fourth quarter. You must play the entire 60 minutes.

THE University of Texas also receives the Falling from the Top Award because that performance did not meet TOP 25 team expectations. Sorry, Bevo, but spurts of good plays with promise will not cut the mustard on the hotdogs.

Of course the Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Nick Saban. Coach Saban did apologize to the commentator for losing his temper, but come on – QUIT ASKING ABOUT THE ALABAMA QUARTERBACKS!

The Weather Delay Awards – To any team that had to leave the field and return after a significant amount of time due to lighting. HWIT – Weather delays change the game. I think it is a conspiracy between God and ESPN to get more people to stream sports on ESPN+ and ESNP3.

The YIKES Award goes to the Washington Huskies who lost to Auburn 21 to 16 in a real dog and cat fight. This is your best team, PAC 12? Yikes.

The Old Lady, Never Played or Coached Football Award (TOLNPCF) goes to every team and every player who was DQ for targeting. The following suggestion is engraved on the imaginary trophy. DO NOT TARGET the opposite player. TOLNPCF also thinks there should be a first time warning before ejection.

The asterisk (*) notes school in the SEC. You know that commercial where the girl says “SEC. It just means more?” What that really means is “SEC. We’re just better than you are.”

Happy Labor Day.

Friday, August 10, 2018 – Snarky Friday and Come Onward Northwestern

Friday, August 10, 2018 – Snarky Friday and Come Onward Northwestern

Thursday, August 30, 2018, our beloved Reveille VIII will be laid to rest at 8:30 AM. She will lie with the other First Ladies of Aggieland in the special area just outside the north end of Kyle Field.

And of course all of the Reveilles can see the scoreboard.

Thursday, August 30 – like we need one more activity in College Station that day. It is the opening game for The Fighting Texas Aggies football team. It is the debut for new coach Jimbo Fisher. The Fighting Texas Aggies welcome Northwestern State University Demons from Natchitoches, Louisiana.

Even at the early hour of 8:30 AM it is entirely possible that the attendance at Reveille VIII’s memorial could exceed the entire enrollment of Northwestern (10573) and Natchitoches Parish (18219). Of course I’m going! You had to ask?

Since many will be travelling from Louisiana to College Station and visiting Kyle Field I wanted you to know what the small crowd is on Thursday morning.

The big crowd – aka the ones standing and swaying in the stands in Kyle Field that evening will exceed the population of both the school and the parish and the surrounding parishes combined!

The game will be on TV on the SEC network. Those of you who live in Louisiana probably can see it since it is the SEC network and LSU is in the SEC. Unlike THE University of Texas that has The Longhorn network, the SEC shares with other teams. It also provides more programming and better commercials than alumni doing commercials for THE UNIVERSITY.

So I hope the Northwestern Demons get paid a huge share of the gate and television profits. I also hope the amount covers the medical bills because the Aggies plan to BTHO Northwestern.

Pics from Reveille Grave from theclio.com

 

Friday, September 29, 2017 –Snarky Friday College Football

Friday, September 29, 2017 –Snarky Friday College Football

Thirty days hath September and there were some games to remember and many to forget… But first.

The NFL debacle – IMHO – This should never have been an issue. The intrusion of the government into the corporate arena sets a dangerous precedent. Here’s what I’m thinking – the American citizens in Puerto Rico would die to have a cold drink of fresh water and electricity to even watch TV. Wait, the citizens just might die while waiting. So why?

Speaking of why? Why is THE University of Texas playing on a Thursday? Better yet, why is THE University even playing Iowa State? Even better, why is Iowa State even in the Big 12 Conference?

BEVO – Photo by Jill.

But BEVO’s Boys withstood the Cyclones 17-7. Please know that Iowa State is in the running for Ugly Uniform Award. The mascot is a weather pattern.

Tonight we have Miami and Duke on ESPN at 6:00 and USC and Washington State following. It is always fun to watch a Mike Leach team.

The Saturday Wake-up Call Games at 11:00 are:

New Mexico State and Arkansas on SECN – more Aggies for the Baconators. Did you know the New Mexico State mascot is named Pistol Pete?

  • Vanderbilt and Florida on ESPN – Did you know the ONLY altruistic endeavor by Commodore Vanderbilt was the establishment of Vanderbilt University?
  • Northwestern and Wisconsin on ABC. Yawn.

In the 2:30 time slot we find:

  • Baylor at Kansas State @ 2:30 on ESPN 2. This depends on which Bears show up in Manhattan. Could be interesting if the ones from last week take the field.
  • Georgia and Tennessee on CBS – Dogs again. UGA and Smokey. I don’t know if “Rocky Top will always be…”

Why? Why are the best games in the evening?

If any two teams should have a weather pattern as their mascot it should be Oklahoma State and Texas Tech. in Lubbock at 7:00 on Fox. Tortillas blowing in the wind.

Love my TT pic. Love you Little Sister. AXOs.

If Oklahoma State and New Mexico State should meet in a game, would it be Dueling Pistol Petes?

In the battle between Mississippi and Alabama ESPN will showcase:

  • Mississippi State and Auburn at 5:00. To the Bulldogs – you need a Big Solid Defense. To Auburn: Roll Tide.
  • Ole Miss and Alabama at 8:00 ESPN at Tuscaloosa – Hotty Toddy, but Roll Tide. Dear Coach Saban, Do not underestimate your opponent. The Rebels have nothing to play for except pride.

Sandwiched between the Battle of Mississippi and Alabama we find Troy University at Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge to meet LSU at 6:00 in the last non-conference primer for LSU. Here is a primer on Troy: The Troy Trojans mascot is named T-Roy. He is one of those dressed up mascots. Troy University’s athletics nickname was the Red Wave until the early 1970s when the student body voted to change the name to Trojans. I am not going to ask why they changed to that. One can only hope the students and the state of Alabama were aware that Trojan refers to a warrior and not a birth control device.

The game of the weekend is the Texas A&M Aggies versus the South Carolina Gamecocks on the SECN at 6:30.That means crappy announcers live from Kyle Field. Things to watch for overall: Crappy announcers misprouncing small Texas towns, talking way too much and saying nothing. For the Gamecocks watch for Uncle Will Muschamp exploding at referees and players. For the Aggies watch for the explosive Captain Christian Kirk.

Other burning questions you must have are:

What is the mascot of South Carolina?

Cocky (mascot) Cocky is the costumed mascot of the University of South Carolina athletics teams. He represents a cartoon version of a gamecock (a fighting rooster).

Why is South Carolina’s mascot a Gamecock?

The University of South Carolina’s varsity sports teams are known as the “Gamecocks”. This unique moniker is held in honor of Thomas Sumter, a Revolutionary War hero from South Carolina who was nicknamed the “Carolina Gamecock” after British General Banastre Tarleton said Sumter “fought like a gamecock.”

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocky_(mascot)

What is the mascot of Texas A&M?

The mascot of Texas A&M University is Reveille. She is a beautiful and very real Collie and the First Lady of Aggieland. She is prettiest mascot in her category in the NCAA mascot contest.

Source: NCAA and every Texas Aggie on the planet.

Native Texan Wall: Texas Monthly Cover signed “To Delia; Ann Richards.” FYI – I also have George W’s signature signed “To Delia Best Wishes George W. Bush.

Since we started the day with politics, let us end it with politics. When former Governor of Texas, Ann Richards, was campaigning for her first term, she and her staff were flying to The Valley on a campaign trip. One of her staff members asked: “Miss Richards, the people will want to know where you stand on cock fighting.” Miss Richards replied “To be honest, I never met one that I wanted to fight with.”

BTHO South Carolina.

Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.

Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.

Apparently Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin did not have the hottest coach’s seat in the SEC. Wow, coming straight out of a William Faulkner novel the Hugh Freeze, Head Coach of The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) resigned suddenly after displaying “a pattern of personal misconduct.” I have not consulted the Urban Dictionary, but I think that is code for “bring on the hookers.”

I understand Ken Starr might be available to represent Coach Freeze. Mr. Starr has vast experience with sex scandals. Rick Pitino (Louisville) may be able to recommend legal counsel. Given the lawyer rats jumping ship from The White House, I am sure a football sex scandal would seem like a piece of cake to any one of them. So we shall let the lawyers take over.

As for the coaching situation, I am sure any coach would want to assume the responsibilities of an NCAA program on probation and now saddled with a sex scandal just at the onset of the football season. How do you think Art Briles would look in Rebel blue and red? Charlie Strong? Whaaat?

https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/ole-miss-coach-hugh-freeze-resigns-amid-explosive-new-information/

Onward down the football field. I was reading Olin Buchanan’s excellent article this morning – Same Song: Aggies Deaf to Herman’s Plea to Renew Rivalry.

https://texags.com/t/3116/olin-buchanan

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Herman, I am not in MENSA like you are, but I do know my history. You should probably study some of it too. May I recommend The 100 Year Decision, by R. Bowen Loftin?

Mr. Buchanan in his article so noted, as does Dr. Bowen, it was not the Aggies decision to cancel the series. It was DeLoss Dodds’ decision to punish the Aggies financially.

There are theorists who theorize an alternate version of Justin Tucker’s game winning, time running out, suck the life out of you, field goal victory over the Aggies. The outcome of everything might have been different had the kick not been good.

But alas, Coach Herman. The Aggies left the Big 12 Conference to join the Southeastern Conference. In the SEC, and an 8 and 5 season will out do a 5-7 season any day of the week. The North Carolina women’s basketball team can beat the Kanas football team.

But Coach Herman, you do have that Longhorn Network – the one you do not share with any of the others in the conference? The one that shows old footage of past glory? That one. Not to be confused with the SEC Network (and there is also an alternate network on really good sports’ days). Not only does it share it profits with its member schools, it has much better programming because of the National Championships won by the SEC schools. Check it out, Coach.

But yes, my Class of ’85 ears are deaf to a rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas. LSU and Alabama and even poor Ole Miss are way more fun than you, Bevo and Boys. But I hear Manhattan, Kansas and Ames Iowa and even Waco, Texas are nice during the winter.

Here’s to Coach Herman: Hullaballoo Keneck Ken NO! Not interested.

BTHO

Monday, November 21, 2016 -The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards and the Best College Team Football Team in Texas

Monday, November 21, 2016 -The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards and the Best College Team Football Team in Texas

Let’s begin with the UGLY Awards and there are many to be awarded.

First Place Ugly Award for really ugly is presented to THE University of Texas who somehow lost to a one (1) and nine (9) Kansas team in overtime no less. Perhaps it was those ugly blue bunting bird looking uniforms KU wore. (Thank you Dr. K.) The last time THE University of Texas lost to Kansas was 1938. Write that on your Rock Chalk, Jayhawk sidewalk.

The Star-Kist Tuna Award – Sorry, Charlie – is awarded to Head Coach Charlie Strong of The University of Texas. I sincerely thought and hoped it would be a good fit for all. The good news is that lots of coaches have FOR SALE signs in their front yards too with more coming soon.

With a possible FOR SALE sign in his yard, we have the Second Place Ugly Award presented to Texas Tech for losing to Iowa State 66 -10.Tech scored when the Iowa State women’s soccer team took over in the fourth quarter.

Third Place Ugly Award is presented to Baylor University losing to K-State 42-21.

Fourth Place Ugly Award is presented to the Texas Aggies for surviving 23-10 against The University of Texas @ San Antonio.

This presents a distinct possibility that Texas A&M and Baylor will meet in the We Suck Bowl to be played in a big high school stadium somewhere between Houston and Dallas.

In Other Awards

The Cat that Ate the Cardinal Award goes to The University of Houston Cougar(s) who ate the Cardinals of Louisville 36 to 10 spoiling all Louisville hopes for a big bowl and maybe Lamar’s Heisman hopes. Nice cat smile, Shasta.

The Snow Globe Game AwardSnow U/OU Award goes to OU vs. W.Va. – OU 56 West Virginia 28. I am glad OU wore red pants with their white jerseys; otherwise one would have lost them in the snow and on the field after it stopped snowing. West Virginia still was unable to find them on the field – red pants and all.

The Taste like Chicken Award goes Pistol Pete and the Cowboys of Oklahoma State as they dined on frog legs defeating TCU 31-6.

This sets up the Big 12 Conference Title to be determined at Bedlam next week. Notice: neither of the schools is in Texas.

Michigan and Ohio State both receive Poopy Undies Awards with Ohio State escaping Michigan State 17 to 16. Michigan had more difficulty than anticipated winning over Indiana 20 to 10.

This sets up The Big Ten Title game between Ohio State and Michigan next week. I am going with the team that wears ugly helmets.

The Thanks for Participating Awards go to Alabama and Auburn. Both teams won handily, but both should have against Cupcake We’ll Take the Gate Receipts schools. This sets up the Iron Bowl next week. Roll Tide.

The Longest Yard Award goes to Florida for stopping LSU on the goal line on fourth and one to defeat the tigers and win the SEC East. Score: Florida – 16 to LSU – 10. Yea. Guess who’s coming to College Station for Thanksgiving Dinner?

It was definitely a week of ugly in Texas football. But there is one bright orange spot coming out of Huntsville, Texas.

The best football school currently in the state of Texas is the #5 Sam Houston State University Bearkats. The Bearkats are undefeated for the second time in program history and will host the winner of Weber State and Chattanooga on Saturday, Dec. 3 at 2 p.m. from Bowers Stadium.

http://www.gobearkats.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=92955&SPID=11345&DB_LANG=C&ATCLID=211310989&DB_OEM_ID=19900

Perhaps there is National Champion Football Shirt from one of my alma maters in my future after all.

Texas Flag @ Sunset (800x600)

Friday, October 28, 2016 – Snarky Friday, Football, Maroon Madness and GO CUBS!

banner-800x450

Maroon Madness – Unveiling of the Men’s 2016 SEC Conference Championship Banner.

Friday, October 28, 2016 – Snarky Friday, Football, Maroon Madness and GO CUBS! Click to see more Maroon Madness and comments.

It is another fun filled weekend of sports so let’s get started. The Aggies of Texas A&M are playing the Aggies of New Mexico at 6:30 on ESPNU in The Aggie Cupcake Bowl.

Fifteen minutes prior to Aggie Cupcake kick off on the SEC Network the Auburn Tigers go against the Rebels of Ole Miss. A victory over the Rebels would be most appreciated in Aggieland.

Other cupcake action has Texas Southern playing the #1 CFB Sam Houston Bearkats on ESPN3. This could be the Bearkats year to be #1.

The Game of Interest is THE University of Texas hosting the Baylor Bears on ABC at 2:30. This game is interesting for many reasons and not all of them are good.

And in the evening at 7:00 PM Game Two of the we have the history making World Series between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs on Fox. GO CUBS! I do not believe I have ever seen so much winter gear worn during a baseball game.

Here are some pics from last evening’s Maroon Madness tipping off the start of basketball season. Be sure to read my comments- especially you, RL.

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Maroon Madness 2016 Hard to see the men’s team to the right, but they do seem to be in the spotlight.

blair-and-lashes-800x450

GB and Lashes. I did not know GB could move that quickly.

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White Men Can’t Dance

Monday, October 24, 2016 – Two Months Until Christmas Eve, but First – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 24, 2016 – Two Months Until Christmas Eve, but First – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

The first awards today are The Buzzard Awards. buzzard-rp-800x450  The first Buzzard Award goes to the officiating crew who called the Alabama/ Texas A&M game on both sides of the ball. Let’s review – when a player’s mouth piece is knocked from his mouth and flies over the shoulder of the hitting player him and the hittee’s helmet’s visor cracks, it is called TARGETING!

The second Buzzard Award goes to CBS and Vern Lunquist and Gary Whatever Your Name is for spewing forth words during about the Aggie/Bama game that was supposed to be your game commentary. Gary, no one cares what play you would have called. This is why you are not coaching. This award comes with free engraving SHUT UP!

buzzards-800x727

The Third Buzzard Award goes to the only announcers who were worse than Vern and Gary (and this includes Mack Brown and Brent Mushburger) were the announcers for THE University of Texas and Kansas State game. Which one of you called a player a “specimen?” SPECIMEN? SEDAGIVE? I needed one listening to you two. I am throwing in a Free Mute Button Award for this pair. At least twice guy announcer referred to Texas’ players’ off side penalties as “you must be able to hold your water.” WTH does that mean? Are you a urologist? I will not even go into your diagnosis of LSU’s Leonard Fournette’s ankle injury comparing it yours. (I.e. Sample size of one.)

Moving downfield in the Small 12 Conference – Baylor wins over Bye University again. Don’t you get to play them one more time?

The Hands to my Face Award and the award for Little Shop of Horrors goes to THE University of Texas. Enough torture for the Horns so I am not even going into any details.

The Air Show over Lubbock Award is shared by Oklahoma who scored 66 points to Tortilla Tech’s 59. Why do they even offer scholarships to players to play defense? Why not get an intermural team?

My First Favorite Game of the Week Award goes to the Mustangs of SMU for the crushing victory over the University of Houston 38 to 16. I wonder about the lavender colored ponies on the helmets, but whatever works.

My second Favorite Game of the Week Award goes to Penn State for defeating #2 Ohio State University by a score of 24 to 21. I guess Nittany Lions like nuts.

The We Always Win Half Time Award goes the Fighting Texas Aggie Band.

aggie-band-600x800

Photo by Mickey

bama-band-600x800

Photo by Mickey

If these crooked lines are the Alabama Million Dollar Band, they are not getting their money’s worth.

Alabama 33 Texas A&M 14. The Time Ran Out as The Tide Rolled In Award goes to Texas A&M. Great game to both teams. A nine and one schedule with the one loss being the #1 will still look good.

Besides who is left on schedule for the Aggies? Oh crap. Ole Miss and LSU. Way to GEAUX Tigers. See you at Thanksgiving.

Monday, October 17, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 17, 2016 – The Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

We now head into the last half of the regular college football season. The games become unpredictable and everything is on the table and at stake. The Playoff Selection Committee, created, invented and founded by Larry Culpepper, is watching every play. If your game goes into overtime, it should mean an automatic drop by at least one rank in the overall rankings.

Please step forward as I call your team’s name.

quiddich-800x450

Bryan Eagle – 10.16.2016

The first award for Bye Week goes to the Texas the A&M quidditch team. I am not certain of the rules but it appears two spherical objects (deflated volleyballs – see Tom Brady) are used while on a broom handle. Players are called beaters and chasers. Am I still talking about the game from The Harry Potter series or the presidential debate?

On to football. From the Conference formerly known as The Big 12, currently known as the Should I Stay or Should I Go Conference:

The awards for A Big Win Even Though You Did Not Play A Team Worth Mentioning goes to the following:

Baylor wins 49 Kansas 7. Kansas? Really? Please book your school’s homecoming game with Kansas for next year.

THE University of Texas wins! Granted it was a victory over Iowa State and their traditional ugly uniforms and weather pattern mascot, but a win is a win.

Oklahoma wins 38 over Kansas State 17. Yes, Miss Navasota, Bill Snyder seems to still be alive, but K-State has called him back so many times, I think they plan on life size card board cut outs of him when the day comes.

West Virginia 48 Texas Tech 17 – I think Kliff Kingsbury had on my Ray Ban Travelers that I lost a couple of weeks ago. He might need them as he might be travelling away from Lubbock.

Heartbreak Hotel and Poopy Undies Awards go to: 

Lamar 32 Northwestern State 31 – with 6 seconds left Lamar scores. Sorry, Cousin Darryl – the Demons almost won.

Arkansas 34 wins Ole Miss 23 – What Hotty Toddy goes well with bacon?

To North Carolina State and the place kicker I award The Almost and Still Proud of You Award. To the individual(s) who sent disgusting and threating tweets to the NCS kicker upon missing the game winning field goal: You T-shirt Wearing only A-Hole: Someday I hope you have a football rectally inserted into your anatomy.

The Award for “The Committee is Watching” goes Ohio State for the OT victory over Wisconsin 30-24. Nuts!

And a second award for The Committee is Watching goes to Clemson for their overtime victory over North Carolina State. 24 North Carolina State 17 OT.

Houston 38 Tulsa 31 – The Award for “The Committee is NOT Watching” goes to The University of Houston and Herman’s Hermits for holding on at the goal line against Tulsa.

And now from the Conference of Champions – The Southeastern Conference.

The Participation Award in the SEC goes to the Commodores of Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt 17 Georgia 16 – The excitement in the SEC East!

The Blow Out Award goes to Alabama. Alabama 49 Tennessee 10 – Lost that one in a big time blowout too, didn’t you, Mr. Crockett?

The Award for Perfection goes to the Alabama Crimson Tide. This refers to the record of 6-0 headed into Saturday’s game against the also undefeated Texas Aggies. Sidebar to the Tide Rollers: The Aggies BTHO Tennessee the week before. You are welcome.

The Award for Somebody is Not Going to be Perfect Next Saturday goes to …ag-shirt

Checklist for Saturday

 

Alcohol Supply – Beer, vodka and tequila – check

Additional bloody Mary mix – check

Scotch, if necessary, for fourth quarter – check

Two bags Doritos – check

Hot Dogs and Buns – check

Nacho fixings – check

Chili or gumbo – Decide on Thursday

BTHO Alabama T-shirt – pick up @ Aggieland Outfitters

Maroon shoes – check

Aggie socks – clean. Check.

Aggie cap – check

Shorts or jeans – check weather on Friday

Small Aggie football that plays War Hymn when slammed against table – check

Damn It Doll – check. Does not play anything. Reminder to self: Do not throw damn it doll at TV.

Ensure windows are closed in the event it is necessary to scream words that can burn the ears of a sailor.

See if Catholic store has Beat Alabama candles. If not, find some saint candles at grocery store. Pick up several.

Create alter for candles for Friday night vespers and vigil.

Double check alcohol supply. Pick up another six pack.

Check supply of chill pills – Call Walgreens. Don’t forget blood pressure meds!

To be continued.

Sully's Boots

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Monday, October 3, 2016 – Monday After College Football Saturday Awards

Tequila shots and Poo Poo Undies Awards for Every college team except Alabama! What the hell – give the Tide a Poo Poo Undies Award for use later.

I will also award Alabama and LSU The Manicure Award for being the only games that were not nail biters or heart attack givers.

With Monday after comments, let’s begin.

THE University of Texas is awarded:

The Shoot Out at the OK (State) Corral.

gun-fire-at-the-ok-corral-800x623

wheres-waldo-800x564 The Where’s Waldo – aka Rudolph? Where’s the ball? Where’s the Texas Defense? Look- I am a old woman who never played a down of football but who could catch a pass in that defensive strategy. PS – the ball is seen just above the 25 yard line.

The Cowgirl and/or the Horse Could Have Kicked Better Award. Notice the rider does not wear a black mask or a cape like you know who. I guess these Cowboys do not need to hide their face.

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The Block Party Awardblock-party-610x800

Thank you KK for such great pics and D for holding the paper. Go Pokes!

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.0 is awarded to Baylor University. Baylor 45 Iowa State 42 A three week Bye? That is right – only 10 teams in the Conference formerly known as The Big 12.

The first Premature Celebration Award goes to Florida State University for scoring a go ahead touchdown with 23 seconds remaining in the game. FSU 35 UNC 34.

The How to Kick Winning Field Goals Version 3.01 is awarded to University of North Carolina for kicking a 54 yard field goal as time expires. UNC 37 FSU 35.

The Exploding Pumpkin Head for Coaches is shared – first by Bob Stoops from OU when the Cooper’s call went against the Sooners and then TCU’s Gary Patterson when the call was reversed. OU 52 TCU 46.

The second Premature Celebration Award goes to Georgia for scoring on a Hail Mary pass with 10 seconds left in the game. Bulldogs 31 Tennessee Vols 28.

The Hail Mary Joshua Fit the Final Battle of the SEC East Award goes to Joshua Dobbs and Jauan Jennings for the last play of the game. Tennessee 34 Georgia 31. Back to back successful Hail Mary passes! Where are my nitro glycerin pills?

The Just When I thought I was Calm Award goes to Clemson and Louisville.

The Longest Yard Award goes to Louisville for coming up one yard shy on Fourth Down as the time expires. Clemson 42 – Louisville – 36. Shake it off, Cardinals. I understand Cougar meat taste like Tiger meat.

The Getta the Hell Out of Town Fast with a W Award is awarded to The Fighting Texas Aggies and Coach Sumlin. Texas A&M 24 South Carolina 13

The No Let Up Award goes to Texas A&M and tu – not the tu orange that burnt up in Stillwater. It is the faded orange that resembles checkered table cloths washed in bleach. Tennessee is coming to town! # 8 Texas Aggies and # 9 Tennessee Volunteers. 2:30 CBS Kyle Field Saturday, October 8, 2016. Note to non-football people – STAY AWAY from Bryan College Station probably officially beginning Thursday. This place is already going wild and crazy and it’s only Monday. WHOOP!

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Gig ‘Em Barn – Highway 6 photo by me. 9.22.2016

Note to self: Check liquor supply. Ensure all calming drugs are up to date. And Who’s Cooper?

BTHO Tennessee!