Tag Archives: Texas Aggies; football

Friday, October 1, 2021 – Happy First of October and Happy Snarky Friday – Week Five

Friday, October 1, 2021 – Happy First of October and Happy Snarky Friday – Week Five

Good Day. I am here today with Dr. Sheldon Cooper in the theoretical physics building. We are going to have a thought experiment. That makes us a paradox. And today we open our snark as a paradox with the Texas Aggies playing Mississippi State at 6:00 on the SECN.

For this game, the Aggies are Schodinger’s Team. In the thought experiment, devised by physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935, (while talking to his buddy, Al Einstein) a hypothetical cat is placed in a box with random poison and the box is closed. Therefore the cat may be considered both alive and dead as a result of a random event that may or may not occur.  One does not know for certain until the box is opened. We just do not know if the cat is alive or dead until it takes the field Saturday night. So that’s the gist from the physicist.

Mississippi State brings Mike Leach back to Texas. And no, I don’t think any place in Texas wants him back. So make sure he on the bus out of College Station.

I have a family affair with Baylor visiting Oklahoma State in Daddy Boone Stadium. It’s on ESPN2 at 6:00. If the cat is dead at the Aggie game, I will watch.

But long before that kickoff we have a sea of red with a rising Arkansas team playing Georgia at 11:00 on ESPN. Are the pigs real? Or will UGA have a special bacon-flavored treat for lunch. We shall see if the Hogs can run Between the Hedges on Vince Dooley Field. 

Also at that time slot, THE University of Texas plays TCU on ABC at 11:00. The game is in Fort Worth on the Amon G. Carter Field. To the Horns – do not try to plant a burnt orange flag on the 50 yard line if you win. It did not go well last week when SMU tried it.

Oklahoma plays Kansas State on FOX at 2:30. OU? If you blow this one, your invite to the SEC might be revoked.

The biggest game of the week belongs to Ole Miss and Alabama. The kickoff is at 2:30 on CBS – The announcers are once again, Motor Mouth Gary Daniels and that other person. They already win a MUTE Award on Monday.

The Ole Miss Coach, Lane Kiffin, sounds like a character from Harry Potter. Now we get to see if he really is a wizard and will be the first student to beat the master. Please ensure your emergency kits are ready for this one, complete with sweet, salty, alcohol, chocolate, antacids, and cussing jar, with rolls of coins and clean underwear.

Are You Ready?

Hell Yeah! Damn Right!

Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty,

Who The Hell Are We? Hey!

Flim Flam, Bim Bam

Ole Miss By Damn!


When I say Ala, then you say Bama.

When I say Tusca, then you say Loosa.

When I say Bear, then you say Bryant.

When I say Nick, then you say Saban.

When I say ROLL, then you say TIDE.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Give ’em hell, Alabama.

I will be pulling for the TIDE because I do not want them arriving at Kyle Field next Saturday pissed off. That damn cat better be alive Saturday night, Jimbo. Just saying!


Big Solid? If there is a linebacker interception on either side, there will be a Big Solid Award!

Friday, October 21, 2016 – The Snark of Friday and the Battle for the SEC

Friday, October 21, 2016 – The Snark of Friday and the Battle for the SEC

Before the Snark arrives, please join me in noting the passing of Houston sports announcer, Bob Allen. I do not know how many of my sorority sisters at Stephen F. Austin had secret crushes on him, but I did. Bob was an outstanding individual who made the lives of others better. My thoughts and prayers go to his family.

And now – Here come the snark! Here come the snark!

You know HWIT is only about teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. Having said that, there are only TWO games to note this Saturday. The rest of the games are just filling and killing time.

At 8:00 PM on ESPN we find # 23 Ole Miss Rebels and # 25 LSU Tigers. Check out one of my most prized possessions. That’s right Louisiana Cousins – signed by Heisman Winner Billy Cannon and my dear cousin Donnie Daye. I especially like the “to my favorite Aggie cuz.”


Anyone who cheers for the Tigers knows the story of the Halloween Game. GEAUX TIGERS! Pretend it is Halloween and take down the Rebels.

But before that game at 2:30 on CBS we have the game of the SEC, year, decade and perhaps the century. The undefeated at six and zero and ranked at number six (WHOOP!) we have the Fighting Texas Aggies in Tuscaloosa. The Ags visit Big Al and the #1 and undefeated at seven and zero Crimson Tide of Alabama. The last time the Aggies visited Bryant-Denny stadium this Heisman Winner was the quarterback. Shaking Hands with Johnny Manziel - Copy (800x600)Helmet without certificate (800x600) This is one not of my most prized possessions – yet. I am still hopeful. However, the victory by Johnny Manziel and the Texas Aggies over Alabama is one of my most prized memories.The quarterback for the Texas Aggies this year is Trevor Knight. His team beat Alabama too. Just saying.

But continuing to note outstanding football players, I do not want to slight Alabama and one of their most outstanding players – Forrest Gump. In fact to paraphrase Mr. Gump one team is going to be wounded “in the butt tocks!”


Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Alabama

Thursday, January 28, 2016 – We Are the Aggies! The Aggies are WE!

Thursday, January 28, 2016 – We Are the Aggies! The Aggies are WE!

Trivia – Where did Denver Broncos Head Coach Gary Kubiak graduate from high school? Where did Denver Broncos outside linebacker Von Miller graduate from high school?

Kyle Field Tour 11.19.15 2015-11-18 014 (800x600)

Photo by me – East Side of Kyle Field – Kyle Field Tour – 11.19.2015


Love you, Cam! Good Luck, Carolina! Sorry Phillip! But did you really think I was NOT going to stand with the Former Students of Texas A&M University? Gary Kubiak was the quarterback for The Fighting Texas Aggies when I stood in the boiling afternoon sun on the east side in Kyle Field in the 1980’s. And how about Consensus All American in 2009 and in 2010 Texas A&M linebacker, Von Miller? We have breathed the air of Kyle Field and Aggieland.

Here is a Horse Laugh to the uniformed sports reporter who referred to them as “Former Aggies.” There is no such thing as a Former Aggie. We are known as Former Students and we are ALWAYS a Texas Aggie. It probably has something to do with breathing the air of Kyle Field and Aggieland.

So Here’s to the Denver Broncos


BTHO Carolina in Super Bowl 50!

Trivia answers: Gary Kubiak graduated from St. Pius X in Houston, Texas in 1978.

Von Miller graduated from DeSoto High School in DeSoto, Texas in 2007.

Monday, October 26, 2015 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 26, 2015 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

The Here’s What I’m Thinking Monday after Saturday College Football Awards are brought to you today by the word: “kakistocracy.” It is a noun meaning a government by the worst persons, a form of government in which the worst persons are in power. Since ever one seems to think the worst persons are already in the government or are running for office, I wanted to offer enlightenment and new vocabulary words to all sides. Please feel free to use this and any other intelligent sounding words, since none of you seem to have many to start with.

Ghosts. Goblins. Warlocks and Witches. And Halloween is still a week away. This was a most strange weekend in college football.

Let’s begin with the Flood Bowls along Interstate 35 and travel north.

While the rains and floods may have inundated Austin and DKR Memorial Stadium, there were several bright spots of hope and sunshine. THE University wins the Lazerous Award appearing to rise from the dead.

I asked my roomie to take a picture and I would post it when THE University began a winning streak. This was earlier in the season because she has the good sense to come in out of the rain.

Longhorn Band (800x600)

Photo by Martha 2015 – aka Roomie

Moving north where the rains were really falling over McClain Stadium in Waco, The Bears win the “45 points are the new 60 plus in the rain.” I hope The Committee in November has a Flood Criteria. It is Baylor and the Baptists do like a good dunking, but that was an Ark building flood.

Oklahoma had no problem with Texas Tech. Coach Kliff, what’s with the new hairdo? I am not current on the fashion trends coming out of Lubbock but that new hair cut looks like an Aggie Fish Corp of Cadets haircut – a bad one. Was your hair, or lack of it, supposed to look that way?

The Michael Jackson Thriller Award is shared by Auburn and Arkansas and Duke and Virginia Tech. What are the odds there would be two games with four overtimes? What are the odds of that happening? Please have Dr. Sheldon Cooper do the math.

The Yogi Berra – It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over Award goes to The Rambling Wrecks from Georgia Tech who rambled down the field after a Florida State missed field goal that would have won the game. Georgia Tech ran for the winning touchdown as time expired.

The Utah Utes fall from the undefeated ranks as the USC Trojans opened a lethal virus on them. The Utes win the Beware the Trojan Horse Award.

To the Texas Aggies, I award the Hotty Toddy and Kiss my Magnolia Blossom Award because the Ole Miss Rebels certainly did.

To Kyler Murray I am awarding the Coach/Player Etiquette Book of Football Practice Manners. Screaming the F word to and about your offensive coordinator during practice is indeed a bench sitting practice issue.

The Aggies also receive the Free Tire and Wheel Check because the wheels are coming off the bus again.

Perhaps I should post a classified ad in the newspaper or post something on Craig’s List.  WANTED: Quarterback. Please send video and application to The Texas Athletic Department; Attn: K. Sumlin.

And last, but not least – to the Alabama Crimson Tide, I award The Poopy Undies Award, the CPR Award and The Survivor Award for the fourth quarter comeback win over Tennessee. You also win The Doors and Jim Morrison’s The Alabama Song that is also known As The Whiskey Bar. I know this is how you felt while in Knoxville and upon leaving Saturday night. Something tells me you were not drinking Tennessee bourbon at the Whiskey Bar.

The Alabama Song

Well, show me the way To the next whiskey bar

Oh, don’t ask why Oh, don’t ask why

Show me the way To the next whiskey bar

Oh, don’t ask why Oh, don’t ask why

For if we don’t find The next whiskey bar I tell you we must die I tell you we must die I tell you,

I tell you I tell you we must die

Oh, moon of Alabama

We now must say goodbye

We’ve lost our good old mama

And must have whiskey Oh, you know why!

Just think – next Saturday is Halloween. Be ready for anything.

Finally, to Oklahoma State and Delaware University as tragedies marred both of their homecoming parades. All are in our thoughts.

OSU with ribbon

Thank you Kristen for the picture. I am sad for all of you and the Cowboy Nation.

Friday, October 23, 2015 – The Friday Before Saturday College Football

Friday, October 23, 2015 – The Friday Before Saturday College Football – Game On

Garrett2 (800x525)

First – my apology to Myles Garrett for misspelling his name last week.

The Schedule today begins with The Rain Barrel Bowls up and down Texas Interstate 35.

Starting in Austin and playing @ 11:00 on Fox 1 is THE University of Texas and Kansas State. Tell the Wildcats they are no longer in Kansas and give them a good hooking of the Horns. I have your photograph ready to post Roomie signifying a home win and winning streak for the Horns in DKR Memorial Stadium! Stay Strong and get it done!

Traveling north to Waco we find the Iowa State Weather Patterns visiting Waco and playing Baylor @ 11:00 on ESPN. I understand one is to wear green and gold depending on your ticket location. This will make McLane Stadium green and gold striped. I know you can get yellow (gold) rain slickers at Academy, but can you get green rain slickers? Is Nike working on that? Surely with that many uniforms and shades of green Nike has got something in the warehouse they can Fed-Ex to Waco for the fans.

Crossing the state line into Norman along I-35 we find Oklahoma and Texas Tech @ 2:30 on ESPN2. I wonder what Baker and Stoops and Coach Kliff and the Red Raiders have planned against and up their respectively sleeves besides a rough history.

Taking a right turn and headed toward Stillwater we find the Cowboys of Oklahoma State playing Kansas @ 2:30 on Fox 1 and slowing creeping up in the Big 12. Go Pokes. It’s Kansas. Remember they play basketball like Kentucky does.

Remember there are only 10 teams in the Big 12 and eight are playing. So that leaves TCU and WVa having the weekend off.

Now to the games that actually have meaning (the only ones worth watching) so that means the SEC teams because Ohio State plays Rutgers.

Opposite the Rain Barrel Bowls on the SECN @ 11:00 am will be Auburn and Arkansas with last place up for grabs in the SEC West. Do you like bacon on your burger Uncle Will Muschamp?

What once could have been interesting is now Alabama and Tennessee in Tuscaloosa @ 2:30. Oh no – the game is on CBS. I hope you do not get the Can’t Broadcast S##% announcers. Turn on the radio broadcast to avoid.

And going out with The Tide here is a little Thank You shout out to Coach Sabin regarding last week’s visit to Aggieland –

“You know, this is the first place we’ve played for a long, long time, that we never got booed when we came out,” Saban said. “First place. I’m telling you. It’s a really nice facility. They had 105,000 people. And they cheered their tail off for their team. And they made it hard for us to play.” ESPN quotes somewhere on their application.

At 3:00 on the SEC Network will be another game for last place in the SEC East with Missouri and Vanderbilt. Take a nap, but be up and ready for the only games of competition beginning at 6:00.

On ESPNU @ 6:00 we find Western Kentucky visiting Baton Rouge hosted by Leonard Fournette’s team the LSU Tigers. Run Leonard run. With each step you get a bit closer to going to New York to get a big trophy.

At 6:30 in another game of why are play this team? This is Mississippi State and Kentucky on the SECN. This is not Western Kentucky which I suppose is geographically west of the Kentucky that Mississippi State is playing. I understand the men’s basketball team at Kentucky is quite good. Yes – Number 1.

At 6:30 on Fox is the Utah Utes (I just love saying that) and USC Trojans in Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. If Utah should become number two in The Committee’s ranking in November, will they be “the two Utes?” (My Cousin Vinny)

But the only game of significance is the Cutbirth Bowl (as in William Cutbirth Faulkner) on ESPN from Oxford Mississippi @ 6:00 when the Ole Miss Rebels host The Fighting Texas Aggies. It is an elimination game for the SEC West title. Should make visits to Baton Rouge interesting for both teams. But one game at a time.

Sully's Boots

So Howdy Damnit and Hotty Toddy and BTHO Ole Miss.

Monday, October 19, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday, October 19, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards post is sponsored today by the word “interception.” It is a noun that means when the quarterback of your team throws the ball to the other team. Synonyms include, but are not limited to “damn it”, “Oh S#$%”, “holy S#$%.and other words unfit to print.

Me and Tailgating

Before we start the ado and further it, a huge thank you to the Hoke and Ellis families for such a great tailgating experience. Can’t wait for the next one.
The first award is the Rip Tide Award and goes to the Alabama Crimson Tide for rolling over Texas A&M like a hurricane named Henry.

The Governor’s Reprieve Award goes to the Texas A&M offense who could not execute on given Bama opportunities.

The Pepto Bismal Award goes to Ole Miss for being upset by Memphis. Thank you Memphis for suddenly making the SEC West much more interesting.

The Ugliest Uniform Award is a tie between Oregon and Baylor. Oregon, you looked like green peas running around on the field. And Baylor – Gray? It is unattractive for being # 2. Ohio State – as in still #1 – can wear gray because it is their school color. Yours is not gray – it is gold and green, which begs the question – Does Nike have a building that just makes 50 shades of green for Baylor and Oregon?

The High Point Award for scoring the most points goes to Baylor. Yawn! 62-to 38 over West Virginia.

The You Can’t Get There from Norman Award and the We Would Have Come Sooner Award goes to Oklahoma for the team’s 8 hour flight delay to K-State. Sooners win second place for points scored. OU – 55- K-State – 0.

The Halloween Creeping Up on You Award goes to Oklahoma State University. The Cowboys are quietly creeping up in the Big 12 with a 6-0 record.

The Yogi Berra Award for It Ain’t Over Until It’s Over goes to the Michigan State Spartans for defeating Michigan (Big Blue) on a last second fumbled punt scooped up Michigan State to score the winning touchdown as time expired.

And the next to the last award as I step onto my soapbox – goes to – CBS and the broadcast team of Verne Lunquist and Gary DumbAss – whatever your name is. YOU TWO ARE TERRIBLE! You make Brent Musberger and Jesse Palmer look like award winning journalists. When was the last time you called a football game, Mr. Lunquist? – The Four Horsemen of Notre Dame?

No wonder during the Bowl and Playoff Season the CBS share of the sports market looks like this.

ESPN Chart

It is because of dinosaurs like you. Here is only a few reasons why you should be fired, let go with pension, retire, whatever – just be out of town before sundown.

You did not know the rules thus missing many calls.
You did not do your homework and could only discuss the 2012 Alabama/Texas A&M game. Here’s What I’m Thinking had more history between Texas A&M and Alabama than you mentioned during the entire game.
You are supposed to be objective. Therefore when the defense, as in Texas A&M, makes a good play, one does not say “Alabama made a mistake.”
Johnny Manziel no longer attends Texas A&M and Lunquist you said it on air – “on behalf of CBS it should mentioned and “I think so too” and then proceeded to discuss issue recent issue with Johnny Manziel. In addition to – you are not paid to report the news; you had the facts incorrect when you inappropriately mentioned it.

Neither of you is paid to THINK. What are you psychic? You do not know what anybody is thinking. For example – Gary Dumbass saying at least three times on kick offs – “I think he should have run the ball out of the end zone. That was wrong.” No one cares what you think, Gary.

In addition don’t criticize the players, coaches referees by saying things such as “Well that was the quarterback, coaches’, referees, any other players fault!”

In addition, Gary Dumbass, I do not need nor want to hear a 20 second (yes, I timed it) diatribe on quarterback efficiency numbers and how they are calculated. I do not care. Do you get paid by the number of words you utter?

You are paid to tell me what is going on down on the football field. If either of you were paid to think and criticize you would not be sitting the announcer’s booth saying stupid things while reading from a prepared script left over from 2012.

So I award the two of you the CBS Award for making College Broadcasts that Suck.

And last I award myself – Great Tailgate pictures for capturing a pic of Coach Sumlin,

Sumlin (800x620)

Coach Kevin Sumlin – Spirit Walk – Texas A&M v Alabama 10.17.2015

Garrett2 (800x525)

Miles Garrett – Spirit Walk – Texas A&M vs Alabama 10.17.2015

The Commandant leading the Corp March In Corps (800x600)

The Fight Texas Aggie BandTailgate A&M Bama 10.17.15 2015-10-17 107 (800x527)

E2 Company (800x655)

E2 Company – Revellie in lower left corner.

and even Miss Reveille at parade rest. Rev 4 (600x800)

It seems I was able to catch everything except a Kyle Allen pass.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015 – And Then There Was Coach Stallings – Part Two of The Alabama-Aggie Connection

Paul “Bear” Bryant was not the only Texas A&M football coach who won the war of player attrition and changed the way people think and work. The Aggie Football team had 132 players when 30 year old, first year head coach Gene Stallings arrived in College Station in December 1964. When the Aggies opened the season against the University of Houston in October there were 57 players listed in the program.

Stallings Bryan Eagle 2 (503x800)

Bryan Eagle – Oct. 11, 2015

The members of Stallings’ first team celebrated their 50th year reunion the weekend of October 11 2015.

Stallings Bryan Eagle (771x800)

Bryan Eagle – Oct. 11, 2015

Like Bear Bryant, Stallings was called in to change the football attitude at Texas A&M. Like Bear Bryant he believed in hard work and physical demands. Stallings was a Junction Boy and was an assistant to The Bear in Alabama and now he was coming home to his alma mater to be the head coach.

Stallings had the players take a physical education class for those wanting to be coaches. He taught it. As player Jim Singleton said “Junction was two weeks. But we had to put up with him for a whole semester.”

Stallings converted four rooms on the second floor of G. Rolle White into workout rooms for the spring training and drills. In the fencing room (there was a fencing room?) players ran in place for 15 minutes. In the wrestling room there would be 15 minutes of drills. In the third station, the players head butted each other. In the fourth room they “rested” while they lifted weights.

In 1965 the Aggies went 3-7. In 1967 Stallings and The Fighting Texas Aggies won the Southwest Conference. The Aggies won The Cotton Bowl in 1968 beating Bear Bryant and the Crimson Tide of Alabama.

The Cotton Bowl would be Stallings’ only bowl victory as head coach at Texas A&M. After a stint in the NFL, he would take over the head coaching position at Alabama from Bear Bryant in 1990 and win the National Championship in 1992.

While there are those who know Coach Stallings for his football greatness, it is his greatness off the field that also makes a difference. His only son, John Mark Stallings was born with Down syndrome. John Mark, also known as “Johnny” died on August 2, 2008 due to a congenital heart condition. Two facilities at the University of Alabama are named for the younger Stallings. The Stallings Center that serves as home to the RISE Center for young children with disabilities was built in 1994. The equipment room in the University of Alabama football building was built and dedicated to Johnny Stallings in 2005.

Gene Stallings – A great man on all fields of play. http://coachgenestallings.com/

Oh – one more thing – BTHO ALABAMA!


Material taken from The Bryan Eagle, Sunday, October 11, 2015

Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards –

Our awards today are sponsored by the article “A” for those who become scared when they see large, unfamiliar words and stop reading.

Mike the Tiger

The first award is the Class Act Award. This award goes to LSU’s Leonard Fournette for his articulate and well-done post-game interview showing his support for the people of South Carolina and offering his game jersey up for auction with proceeds going toward the flood relief efforts. Perhaps every impact player in the SEC could make an offer.

LSU wins the Best Southern Hospitality Award for being the Visiting Team in Baton Rouge. I thought it was most hospitable for the Tiger Band to play the Gamecock Alma Mater and Fight Song – Especially when you spelled L-S-U on the field while playing them. Sweet.

I suppose no one cared enough to notice last Friday that I got Lawrence and Manhattan, locations of Kansas and Kansas State, respectively, backwards. It obviously did not impact Baylor who gets a Most Points Scored Award for blowing away Kansas 66-7. I did not watch the game in its entirety. Did Kansas score during a Baylor timeout or before Baylor returned to the field after half-time? Note to Kansas – Basketball season officially begins next weekend.

TCU obviously was as confused as I was on Saturday since the Frogs did not show up ONCE again until the closing moments of the game. You win A Poo Poo Undies Award for scaring your fan base and an Activate the Boykin Magic Award. But the magic is becoming shaky causing a Poll Phrog Slipping.

To THE University of Texas, I award The Win One for the BEVO Award for beating Oklahoma. BEVO – I do hope you are feeling better because the team, the coach, THE University and the alums certainly are. Way to go. If you only do it once, this was the game to do it!

To the OU Kicker – Teal Shoes? Fashion Blooper Award going toed you!

The Offensive Fun Fest Award goes to Texas Tech and Iowa State for scoring 66 and 31 points respectively. Uncle Will Muschamp, have you looked at either of these schools? They don’t seem to play much defense either, so may you could be there.

Oklahoma State – you once again receive a Poo-Poo Undies Award to having to win it again in OT.

The Ugly Uniform Award goes to The University of Tennessee. I would never Volunteer to wear that. You looked like orange highlighters or characters from the science fiction movie Tron.

To the Nebraska Cornhuskers – you receive The Heartbreak Again Award for losing for the fourth time in the final seconds of the game as Wisconsin kicked a field goal.

The Individual Heartbreak Award goes to Georgia running back Nick Chubb. Hope you are back in action soon.

The Award for Suddenly on the Radar for teams I did not care about in the beginning, but do now is shared by the following:

  • Michigan – Wolverine Rising.
  • Utah – This is the non-Mormon, or Mormon Alternative to the other one – BYU.
  • Clemson – Tigers
  • Oklahoma State – 5 – 0. Go Pokes! Pistol Pete is silently slipping up on teams.
  • Florida – Chomping in The Swamp.

And last and certainly not least this week for sure:

The Crimson Tide of Alabama rose over those pesky Razorbacks finally drowning them in fourth quarter to win 27-14. This week I award The Tide the Columbus Day, Rand McNally, MapQuest, GPS, and all Navigational Systems Award.

And all points are set toward College Station, Texas and Kyle Field. Your arrival time is estimated to be five days and 43 minutes. Turn left on George Bush Blvd. Your destination is the gigantic stadium on your right. Have a nice day.

And now a Dr. Hunter check for understanding. Our word today was the article “A.” Please give a word that begins with that letter.



Now use it in a sentence.




Monday, September 28, 2015 – A College Football Weekend for the Ages

Monday, September 28, 2015 – A College Football Weekend for the Ages

It was indeed a college football weekend for the ages. I know the Aggie/Arkansas game alone aged me at least two years. With the chaos that reigned, we do not need an ado to further, so here are my Here’s What I’m Thinking Monday after Saturday College Football Awards.

Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards post is brought to you by the word “minimax.”

No, minimax does not refer to the old chain of grocery stores in the South. Neither does it refer to a feminine hygiene product. It is a “noun that means a strategy of game theory employed to minimize a player’s maximum loss.

This is the principle of minimax: assume that the worst may happen and act accordingly; remember that lightening always strikes twice in the same place. This is a basic law known to all successful gamblers. William S. Burroughs, The Adding Machine, Selected Essays, 1993.” Sunday’s Word of the Day – Dictionary.com

It was also the game strategy employed by the Arkansas Razorbacks against Texas A&M. But first, please have the following teams line up to receive The Poo Poo Undies Award. This award is given to the following teams for scaring the crap out of its fans and/or for just crapping out completely.

  • LSU – Otto the Orange proved much harder to squeeze that originally thought.
  • TCU
  • Texas Tech
  • THE University of Texas
  • Oklahoma State University
  • Texas A&M
  • Ole Miss – Really? Vanderbilt? BTW – Vandy, you get The Ugly Helmet Award. How many more designs can you put on a football helmet?
  • Alabama – not exactly scary, but the Tide is still a bit low.
  • Oregon

Please have all of the centers and kickers – yes field goal and punters – line up for The What’s the Point Award for missing crucial field goals and extra points or creating safeties.

  • Otto the Orange from Syracuse
  • Texas Tech
  • THE University of Texas
  • Texas A&M

The Most Points Scored Award goes to Baylor University. Yes, 70 to 17 is impressive, but it was still Rice. But given the way the other Big 12 teams are playing maybe it’s all gravy from here on out for the Bears.

The Duck Duck Gone Award goes to Oregon for losing to the soaring Utah Utes.

The Dumbass: Do Your Homework Award goes to the half-time announcer who asked “What’s a Ute?” The University of Utah uses Ute as a nickname with permission from the Native American Utes Tribal Council. In 1996, again with permission from the Ute Tribal Council, Utah introduced “Swoop” – a red-tailed hawk, a bird indigenous to the state of Utah.

Speaking of Ducks, the Tide Rolled over the Duck Dynasty from UL Monroe. The Tide still seems to be low and/or rolling out. Ouch – AP Poll Ranking – # 13 – with Georgia in Athens this weekend. UGA!

The Free Falling/Uncle Will Muschamp Defense Award goes once again this week to Auburn. This is what happens when your mascot is named after a dopy New England poet.

The Why Are You Still in the Top 5/6 Award is shared by TCU and Notre Dame. Really? I know the Frogs are injured and barely hopping, and you barely won

  • On a botched snap by Texas Tech that resulted in a safety
  • On a freak Tippy Tippy Bang Bang in the last seconds
  • You almost allow The Band play with multiple laterals and
  • Your defense allowed 52 points from an unranked team.

And Notre Dame? Just because the Pope has been in the United States does not mean you should be in The Top 10.

And to THE University of Texas – Yes, the refs were from The School for Blind and Visually Impaired; yes, there are still many burnt orange bright spots, but I must give the Horns the Streets of Laredo Award:

So beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly and

play the death march as they carry me along.

UT OSU Nov 16.2013 2013-11-16 026

The award for Does this Three -Point Margin of Victory Make my Ass Look Big? goes to TCU and Coach Gary Patterson.

Two individual awards this week: First to the Texas Tech quarterback Patrick Mahomes for heroic and knee hurting courage to give your all.

And to Leonard Fournette of LSU I am giving the Wow, You Are Fun to Watch Run Award. Could there be another Heisman Award headed toward the LSU Tiger trophy case?

And now may I have the final awards’ package?

Arkansas – the state that gives us Mike Huckabee and The Clintons.

Minimax – “noun that means a strategy of game theory employed to minimize a player’s maximum loss.

This is the principle of minimax: assume that the worst may happen and act accordingly; remember that lightening always strikes twice in the same place. This is a basic law known to all successful gamblers. William S. Burroughs, The Adding Machine, Selected Essays, 1993

Was this your coaching strategy, Coach Bielema? Playing keep away from the opponent’s offense almost worked. The thing about the hurry up and spread offensive is – when you don’t have the ball, the other team scores quickly and often.

The Assume the Worst May Happen Award goes to Coach Bret Bielema of Arkansas. The worst did happen.

The Poise under Pressure Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies.

Lighting Always Strikes Twice in the Same Place Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies.

So it wasn’t exactly an “ass-kicking in Dallas.” I guess you are saving yourself for the remainder of the SEC.

Stop Whining: You Lost – Maximum Loss Award goes to the Razorbacks of Arkansas. See you next year.

Monday, September 7, 2015 – Happy Labor Day and the First of the Monday after Saturday Football Awards

Monday, September 7, 2015 – Happy Labor Day and the First of the Monday after Saturday Football Awards

If you followed last year’s Here’s What I’m Thinking, you know that the Monday following a college football weekend is my awards Monday. So without further ado…

The Everybody Gets A Certificate of Participation Award – goes to every team that played this weekend. One can tell it was the opening games for every team. Fumbles, clock managements, interceptions, Oh My!

The Most Points Scored Award – goes to Hotty Toddy Old Miss Rebels for scoring 76 points on Tennessee Martin. You do know, Ole Miss, that those points are not like minutes on your phone and do not carry over to other games (like Alabama), don’t you?

The Hail on the Corn Award goes to BYU for the reception in the end zone to win over Nebraska as time expired. Each year it necessary to remind you (RL) that the mascot of BYU is the Cougars, and not the Mormons. The Drill Team is not called The Sister Wives. How can BYU have a Hail Mary pass? Shouldn’t it be a Hail Brigham Young? Or Hail Donnie and Marie?

The Maybe We Should Go Back to Military Marching Style Half Time Show Award goes to the K-State Band for their Enterprising attempt at a half time from another galaxy. They definitely boldly went where no other band has gone before. Not even the Rice Marching Owl Band MOB or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band – LSJUMB – The World’s Largest Rock and Roll Band. Thank God, they were not playing South Carolina.

The Most Offensive Commercial Award (seen during the Sam Houston State and Texas Tech game) goes to – Gorilla Insurance in Lubbock, Texas. REALLY? An African-American couple with piles of overdue bills, when a giant gorilla burst through the door with a giant million dollar settlement check and the next scene is the guy running away with the check and the woman chasing after him down the street and him screaming “I’ll be back for you!” What the hell was this? A middle school technology project? Thank goodness you only had enough advertising budget for one other. That one looked like a drug deal payout.

And now to our top awards.

Bang the Drum, Slowly – To THE University of Texas – I got nothing that you have not already screamed, cussed and cried over. There were 33 entries for “ugly” in the Thesaurus. All were appropriate.

UT OSU Nov 16.2013 2013-11-16 026 (800x600)

The Captain James T. Kirk Award goes to Texas Aggie FRESHMAN Christian Kirk for having Warp Speed and leaving the Sun Devils in the desert dust.

The You Look Good in an Arizona State Uniform Award given because you were in their back field enough times to be wearing one – goes to Texas A&M Defensive Ends – Miles Garrett and Daeshon Hall. That had a combined six sacks, 6 1/2 tackles for losses, three forced fumbles and 15 tackles.

Now. Everybody calm down and do not overreact. We know how this started last year.

BTHO – Ball State!