Monday, September 3, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards
What a wonderful weekend of college football. Let’s get right to the awards.
My first two awards are the Class Awards. The first one goes to Maryland for honoring their late teammate Jordan McNair by lining up in a missing man formation. The second award goes to THE University of Texas for declining the penalty for ten men on the field.
The always favorite Poopy Undies Award goes to Penn State for scaring their fans into OT but winning against Appalachian State 45-38.
The following teams receive The Dominator Award for scoring big numbers on cupcake teams.
- OU 63 – FAU 14
- *Mississippi State 63 – SFA 6
- *Texas A&M 59 – Northwestern 7
- Oklahoma State 58 – Missouri State – 17
- *Arkansas 55 – E. Illinois 20
- Baylor 55 – Abilene Christian 27
- TCU 55 – Southern 7
- *Florida 53 – Charleston South 6
- *Alabama 51 – Louisville 14
- *Missouri 51 – UT Martin 14
- Clemson 48 – Furman 7
- *Ole Miss 47 – Texas Tech 27
- *Georgia 45 – Austin Peay 0
- WVU 40 – Tennessee 14 Really Tennessee? I thought this was your year. You looked as faded as your checkerboard end zones.
The following teams receive a Timex Award because they all took a licking but kept on ticking. Those gate receipts will buy lots of athletic tape for the bumps and bruises.
- FAU 14- OU 63
- SFA 6 – Mississippi State 63
- Northwestern 7 – Texas A&M 59
- Abilene Christian 27- Baylor 55
- E. Illinois 20 – Arkansas 55
- Southern 7 – TCU 55
- Charleston South – 6 Florida 53
- Louisville 14 – Alabama 51
- UT Martin 14 Missouri 51
- Furman 7 – Clemson 48
- Austin Peay 0 – Georgia 45
- Texas Tech 27 – Ole Miss 47
- WVU 40 – Tennessee 14
Moving on down the Awards Field.
The Remember the Aggie/UCLA Game Award goes to Michigan State, THE University of Texas and LSU for getting far ahead and then fighting for the win in the fourth quarter. You must play the entire 60 minutes.
THE University of Texas also receives the Falling from the Top Award because that performance did not meet TOP 25 team expectations. Sorry, Bevo, but spurts of good plays with promise will not cut the mustard on the hotdogs.
Of course the Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Nick Saban. Coach Saban did apologize to the commentator for losing his temper, but come on – QUIT ASKING ABOUT THE ALABAMA QUARTERBACKS!
The Weather Delay Awards – To any team that had to leave the field and return after a significant amount of time due to lighting. HWIT – Weather delays change the game. I think it is a conspiracy between God and ESPN to get more people to stream sports on ESPN+ and ESNP3.
The YIKES Award goes to the Washington Huskies who lost to Auburn 21 to 16 in a real dog and cat fight. This is your best team, PAC 12? Yikes.
The Old Lady, Never Played or Coached Football Award (TOLNPCF) goes to every team and every player who was DQ for targeting. The following suggestion is engraved on the imaginary trophy. DO NOT TARGET the opposite player. TOLNPCF also thinks there should be a first time warning before ejection.
The asterisk (*) notes school in the SEC. You know that commercial where the girl says “SEC. It just means more?” What that really means is “SEC. We’re just better than you are.”
Happy Labor Day.