Tag Archives: Alabama football

Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on November 9, 2020 | Leave a comment

Monday, November 9, 2020 – It’s the Monday After College Football Awards

First, let me apologize for no Snarky Friday. Like many, I was strung out, stressed and worthless due to the long OT of the election. Now it is time to heal and remember that we are all Americans. “The needs of the many out way the needs of the few,” so says Spock.

Now to the awards ceremony.

COVID 2 – Purdue and Wisconsin – 0

From the Big 12…

Let’s just give the entire Conference The Lantern Award because ain’t nobody shining bright from this group.

Baylor 31 – Iowa State 38 – To Baylor I award the Annie Award because it’s a hard knock life. Here, have a cigar for being close.

THE University of Texas 17 University of West Virgina 13 – I am giving THE University a Celebrate Whatever You Can Award with your self-named “defensive victory” for holding West Virginia to 13 points and your rise in the AP Poll from 22 to 21.

Liberty 38 Virginia Tech 35 – The Hokies (whatever that is) receive the Miss Stakes Award for screwing up and giving the Freezing Liberty Pool Boys the victory. Actually, the Liberty mascot is “The Flame.” I’ll save that one to see in which bowl game Liberty plays.

Florida 44 Georgia 28 -The Gators receive the William T. Sherman Award because they chomped and marched through Georgia like a tank convoy. Georgia falls to AP Number 12.

Houston 10 Cincinnati 38 – I award Cincy the WKRP Award. Remind me again, where did you come from? Have not seen you around until recently.

Mississippi State 24 Vanderbilt 17 – To Mississippi State I award the Margin Award for only being marginally better than Vanderbilt. To Mississippi State Coach, Mike Leach, I award the Meaningless and Fabled Metaphor Award for saying about this the State Team:

“The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.”

Do you say that to Arkansas and South Carolina, Mike? That is a picture from 2019, from Washington State, but it really works for the Mississippi State Season.

Texas A&M 48 South Carolina 3 – It is a good Mond morning. I award the Aggies the WHO Award, as in “Who Are You? I really want to know.” I also award the Aggies with a High FIVE Award as in Number Five in the AP Poll.

To South Carolina I award the Sanderson Chicken Farm and Processing Plant Award. Please note that I am calling PETA to get that screaming chicken to shut up. And don’t be bringing that bird to Kyle Field!

And in the big game of Clemson 40 and Notre Dame 47 in Double OT – I award The Alabama Crimson Tide First Place in the AP and they didn’t have to play a down.

Of course, fans of Clemson and ND receive a Poopy Undies Award for double Overtime. And while we are down there, I award the University of Notre Dame the Asparagus Pee Colored Helmet Award! I hope the TIDE washes that away.

November 11th is Veterans Day. Honor and thank them for our freedom.

September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on September 28, 2020 | Leave a comment

September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Just like the year 2020 has been, it was a wild, crazy and unpredictable weekend in college football. Everybody receives a Poopy Undies award. Every team receives a It Shows There Was No Spring Training Certificate.

I must first check on the health and well being of Elf and Big Solid. I am certain they fainted at the end of the Mississippi State and LSU game. Evidently, there are pirates on the bayous.

Assisting me today with trophy/award handouts is Miss Queue. She, along with her pets, Fumbles, Interceptions and Sacks were present in every game played.

The Pepto-Bismal Dismal Performance Award goes to Oklahoma. You were upset in Norman by Kansas State! Here, take the Embarrassment Award too.

The MOO Award goes to Kansas State for milking the clock to beat OU 38-35. Maybe THE University of Texas will beat Oklahoma this year.

Speaking of the Horns. When it almost looked as though it would be a weekend when both OU and TU lost, Banjo Boy and Horns were able to pull it out in OT against Texas Tech 63-56. I am awarding myself The Frog Award because I TOAD you Tech would be up for TU. They were just not up quite enough.

Speaking of orange – Ok, it is a stretch. Oklahoma State? What was with those uniforms? They looked like those tacky uniforms TU and Tennessee wear when they do all white with a few orange stripes. You receive this week’s Bad Uniforms Award. But you did score a win against West Virginia.

The Good Uniforms Award and the win goes to Baylor. The bright green and gold combo looked good. Perhaps that is why the Mad Hatter Kansas Coach was still wearing shades at 9:30 at night. We know it is not because Kansas’ football future is so bright, he has to wear shades.

To the LSU Tigers, you receive The Flat Certificate because you looked flat on the field. And you receive the Linda Rondast Award because Mississippi State Blew By You!

The largest group of awards goes to the Mississippi State University Bulldogs – The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Mike Leach. You might just find a home in the SEC. Wait until you play Florida. There might even been pirate ships.

State receives the Best Victory of the Day! Best Upset of the Day! Best Quarterback Performance of the Day! And last, Nobody Saw That Coming Award! Great victory to start the season!

Alabama rolled over Missouri 38-19. It was 28 to 3 at half time. Let’s give Bama the Looking Good Again Award. I know it is a small award, but I am sure there will be others and more meaningful ones as the season goes on.

Meanwhile at the same time and almost the same half-time on a different channel it was 7 to 5 going into the top of the 3^rd between Texas A&M and Vanderbilt. VANDERBILT! The Rice and Stanford of the SEC! The Aggies get the Back to Practice Award and Lackluster Performance Award!

If I were to give a Head Coaches’ Exploding Head Award, I would have given it to Jimbo Fisher of Texas A&M. But since I did not actually view his head exploding, I am unable to do so.

Instead I will give him the Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women Award. This is because I imagine the half-time locker room opening comments to the two freshmen players went something like this:

“Listen, honey chile! Now what exactly were you thinking? This here is the SEC. And we don’t run the opening kick off out of the end zone. Ya hear me? In fact, no college football team runs the opening kickoff out of the end zone especially when you are ten yards deep INTO the endzone. OK Now? Are you listening?

Also, if your feet are on the 10-yard line when the other team is punting, we do not field it in the endzone giving the other team a safety!

And, if you EVER do it again, I will bench your sweet asses until there are splinters all the way up to your nasal passages.

Are we clear?”

Jimbo’s speech may have been shorter and louder and may have had some adjectives and maybe an expletive or two. So Jimbo gets the I Bet the Paint Peeled off the Locker Room Walls Half-time Speech Certificate.

But Aggies did limp to a victory 17 – 12. I wonder who they play next Saturday. Oh crap!

BTHO ALABAMA!

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Posted on July 19, 2019 | Leave a comment

Friday, July 19, 2019 – Unofficial Snarky Friday

Sometime over this weekend someone will post the number of Saturdays, the actual number of days, and the hours and minutes until college football kickoff. It might be me, but it could any one of you anxiously waiting for our favorite teams to fill the weekend TV screens.

Media Days began on Monday, July 15, and marked the unofficial start of college football season. Therefore, we have the start of Unofficial Snarky Friday. Snarky Friday is where I post my snarky comments regarding college football.

Media Days is the week when representatives from the NCAA Division I football conferences congregated in front of the media. Coaches and young men appear all dressed up, speak and answer questions from various sports media outlets.

This is the time where you hear words and phrases such as:

One game at a time
Big shoes to fill at that position
Big number of starters returning
Outstanding freshman
Seasoned quarterback
Alabama keeps whining (hey I am just paraphrasing ESPN)
New head coach and
A most difficult schedule.

As you know this blog is about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Let’s first take a look at the Big 12 – Really Only 10 – Conference. It consists of THE University of Texas and Oklahoma University, seven other schools and Kansas that prays for basketball season to arrive. The Red River Rivalry is going to be fun, fun, fun. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Jalen Hurts won the Heisman?

Now to the – It Just Means More Conference – the SEC. I conducted a comparative analysis of the Texas Aggie Football Schedule and the SEC media days. Here’s what I’m thinking:

Media Day Schools – July 15

Florida – Do Not Care

Missouri – Really Do Not Care

LSU – Happy Thanksgiving! November 30. I shall wear my 7 OT Shirt from last year’s victory.

Media Day Schools – July 16

Mississippi – October 19 – Off to Oxford.

Tennessee – Nope!

Texas A&M – Significantly biased

Georgia – Oh crap! November 23 in Athens and seven days before LSU!

Media Day Schools – Wednesday, July 17

Arkansas – OMG! Winter is coming! September 28 in Arlington with a possibility of Nick Starkle at QB!

I am not sitting next to the damn pig this year.

Alabama – OMG! Winter is coming! October 10. Twelfth Man in the Stands! And in the streets and the whole Brazos Valley.

Mississippi State – OMG! Winter is coming! And so are the cowbells. October 26.

South Carolina – OMG! Winter is coming! But the only chicken we like is the Dixie Chicken.

Media Day Schools – Thursday, July 18

Auburn – September 21 – September 21 – the first of the three A’s. (Auburn, Arkansas and Alabama)

Kentucky – Do Not Care

Vanderbilt – Do Not Care

I am not aware if football schedules are given names that parallel similar physical events. But if so, I would like to name the Texas Aggie football schedule the following:

The 2019 Texas Aggie Football Root Canal, Gynecological/Prostate Exam and Hot Water Enema Schedule

Did I mention the Aggies play Clemson on September 7?

Monday, February 4, 2019 – The Unsuper Bowl and The Dude

Posted on February 5, 2019 | 1 comment

Monday, February 4, 2019 – The Unsuper Bowl and The Dude

Who else wasted a Sunday evening waiting for something super to happen during the football game?

The game was on the TV, but I must say I did not watch much of it. I was doing something else – maybe flossing my teeth, or texting pics of my cat to my friends. I don’t remember.

At half time I went to the kitchen to prepare some food, but left the audio on. My plans were to return to the TV when the loud, banging noises and screaming ceased. Turns out that was the half-time performance. So I missed it. I did not get to see Adam Levine take off his shirt. I saw on social media it caused an uproar with remembrances and recalls of Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson and nipplegate. One site referred to the episode as “ when he yanked off his tank top like a Chippendales dancer at a Mormon bachelorette party.” I have no idea what that means.

Here is what I’m thinking. Adam Levine is a dude. From what I saw later it wasn’t all that and a bag of chips to look at.

Speaking of dudes, the best commercial: Stella Artois.

You either got it or you didn’t. It was super. It reminded me of when Ms. Navasota and I go to the First Assembly of Abuelos on Sunday. If we did not get a bottle of Etancia plates might break.

And we actually saw more of Sarah Jessica Parker’s chest than Adam Levine’s.

https://youtu.be/IX8TMYRk6_w

That team with one of the Brady Bunch kids won the football game again this year. Maybe next year they could play the University of Alabama to create a little change. Sometimes its good to change up the usual – so says Carrie and The Dude.

Let’s all go have us a “Stella Artose.”