Tag Archives: NCAA football

Monday, September 3, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

Monday, September 3, 2018 – My Monday After College Football Awards

What a wonderful weekend of college football. Let’s get right to the awards.

My first two awards are the Class Awards. The first one goes to Maryland for honoring their late teammate Jordan McNair by lining up in a missing man formation. The second award goes to THE University of Texas for declining the penalty for ten men on the field.

The always favorite Poopy Undies Award goes to Penn State for scaring their fans into OT but winning against Appalachian State 45-38.

The following teams receive The Dominator Award for scoring big numbers on cupcake teams.

  • OU 63 – FAU 14
  • *Mississippi State 63 – SFA 6
  • *Texas A&M 59 – Northwestern 7
  • Oklahoma State 58 – Missouri State – 17
  • *Arkansas 55 – E. Illinois 20
  • Baylor 55 – Abilene Christian 27
  • TCU 55 – Southern 7
  • *Florida 53 – Charleston South 6
  • *Alabama 51 – Louisville 14
  • *Missouri 51 – UT Martin 14
  • Clemson 48 – Furman 7
  • *Ole Miss 47 – Texas Tech 27
  • *Georgia 45 – Austin Peay 0
  • WVU 40 – Tennessee 14 Really Tennessee? I thought this was your year. You looked as faded as your checkerboard end zones.

The following teams receive a Timex Award because they all took a licking but kept on ticking. Those gate receipts will buy lots of athletic tape for the bumps and bruises.

  • FAU 14- OU 63
  • SFA 6 – Mississippi State 63
  • Northwestern 7 – Texas A&M 59
  • Abilene Christian 27- Baylor 55
  • E. Illinois 20 – Arkansas 55
  • Southern 7 – TCU 55
  • Charleston South – 6 Florida 53
  • Louisville 14 – Alabama 51
  • UT Martin 14 Missouri 51
  • Furman 7 – Clemson 48
  • Austin Peay 0 – Georgia 45
  • Texas Tech 27 – Ole Miss 47
  • WVU 40 – Tennessee 14

Moving on down the Awards Field.

The Remember the Aggie/UCLA Game Award goes to Michigan State, THE University of Texas and LSU for getting far ahead and then fighting for the win in the fourth quarter. You must play the entire 60 minutes.

THE University of Texas also receives the Falling from the Top Award because that performance did not meet TOP 25 team expectations. Sorry, Bevo, but spurts of good plays with promise will not cut the mustard on the hotdogs.

Of course the Exploding Head Coach Award goes to Nick Saban. Coach Saban did apologize to the commentator for losing his temper, but come on – QUIT ASKING ABOUT THE ALABAMA QUARTERBACKS!

The Weather Delay Awards – To any team that had to leave the field and return after a significant amount of time due to lighting. HWIT – Weather delays change the game. I think it is a conspiracy between God and ESPN to get more people to stream sports on ESPN+ and ESNP3.

The YIKES Award goes to the Washington Huskies who lost to Auburn 21 to 16 in a real dog and cat fight. This is your best team, PAC 12? Yikes.

The Old Lady, Never Played or Coached Football Award (TOLNPCF) goes to every team and every player who was DQ for targeting. The following suggestion is engraved on the imaginary trophy. DO NOT TARGET the opposite player. TOLNPCF also thinks there should be a first time warning before ejection.

The asterisk (*) notes school in the SEC. You know that commercial where the girl says “SEC. It just means more?” What that really means is “SEC. We’re just better than you are.”

Happy Labor Day.

Friday, August 26, 2016 –The Official Return of Snarky Friday! College Football Rankings 2016: CFB Playoff Predictions After Preseason Way Too Early AP Poll.

Friday, August 26, 2016 –The Official Return of Snarky Friday! College Football Rankings 2016: CFB Playoff Predictions After Preseason Way Too Early AP Poll.

We are eight days from Saturday college football kickoff. Oh be still my heart. Here is the AP way too early preseason college football ranking Numbers one (1) through twenty-five (25) and my snarky comments regarding each.

Alabama – This is not news. This is Bama’s annual expectation. Roll Tide!

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College Station 2015 on the way to tailgate Aggies v. Tide – photo by me.

Clemson –The coach’s name is the same as a bathroom cleaner. Wait. The bathroom cleaner is Babo, not Dabo.

Ooooooooklahoma – where the winds come whistling down the plains. Stooping up with a Baker may just Field The Big 12 Champion. But the Sooner Schooner must leave Dallas with a victory in October.

Florida State – Learned at an early age – Never root for a football team from Florida.

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From my sister’s Magnolia High School senior trip 1954. Photo by Honeyboy.

LSU – Let us pray! First (and seriously) – Oh Lord, please watch over the state of Louisiana and its people. Second – Lord, please keep Leonard Fournette’s legs strong and keep him safe and healthy as he wins LSU’s second Heisman Trophy to sit next to Billy Cannon’s. Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 003 - Copy (800x585)

Please let LSU’s second Heisman winner turn out better than Texas A&M’s second Heisman winner.

Me and Johnny Manziel - Copy (800x600)

Please let Leonard’s ankle sprain be just minor enough to not allow him to return to the game after Myles Garrett slams his ass to the turf in Kyle Field on the opening series on Thanksgiving evening. Amen. Gig ‘Em Aggies and Geaux Tigers!

Ohio State – Do not care until you play a team I care about.

Michigan – Ooh. The Big Chill. You can’t always get what you wanted, but you get what you need. Jeramiah was a bullfrog … singing Joy to the World… all the boys and girls.

Stanford –The name of the team is the Cardinal. Not the bird; the color. The mascot of the band is a tree dressed in rags. The name of the band is the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band (LSJUMB). They make the Rice Marching Owl Band (MOB) appear tame and organized. I am always impressed by the kitchen sink drum line. The school has never been able to come up with a mascot. This – from the university that has given us some of the greatest academic minds in history. Go figure.

Tennessee – I Volunteer no information at this time. Please check back after October 8. Oh yes, I still think your uniforms were washed with too much bleach to achieve that faded orange.

Notre Dame – Opens against THE University of Texas in Austin on September 3. I am torn between two songs I made up: For ND as a reminder of South Bend – Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life;

End over end neither left nor the right;

Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights;

Drop kick me Jesus in DK R stadium on Saturday night.

2. I am leaning more toward this song. Roomie, perhaps you can think of a catchy tune to sing it to.

Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight! And please eat the leprechaun! Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight and please eat the shamrock too! Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight! For this game is your premier! Hook ‘Em! Hook ‘Em! The gang’s all here and ND can kiss my rear.

What do you think, RL?

Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy! Probation Aw Mighty! Let it Go from the movie Freeze. Zippy KangarooOh, silly me. I meant Frozen. See you in Oxford at The Grove in November.

Michigan State – I so hope you meet USC in the Latex Bowl. The Spartans and The Trojans would be so fun.

TCU – Highway 6 runs both ways and through Waco.

Washington – Do not care until you play a team I care about, she said Huskily. Besides, your games are passed my bedtime.

Houston – Highway 6 runs both ways. So does Highway 290. Let’s see if the QB and the offensive coordinator will help you play with the big boys.

UCLA – You are aware, Golden Bears, we hired your offensive coordinator? Please check back after September 3.

Iowa – Do not care. FYI – Birds do not have teeth so neither should the mascot.

Georgia – DAWGS! Uga! Always on my mind and dangerous in the SEC.

Louisville – The school mascot is not the Sluggers. The mascot is The Cardinals – the birds, as in plural, and not the color and in singular. See # 8.

USC – See # 12. I hope you meet Michigan State in the Latex Bowl. Perhaps it will be the rubber match between the two of you.

Oklahoma State – Go Pokes! Pistol Pete Rules!

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KKN’s OSU graduation weekend. Photo by me.

North Carolina – UNC NO NEW NCAA NOA? Not a code or football play. It means the NCAA added no other NOA or Notice of Allegations to UNC’s original violations. Aren’t you on probation? Or is it just men’s basketball and other athletic departments? The new document with NOA does not mention those football and basketball specifically as the original did. And the athletics department is blaming the academics departments for the grading and fraud scandals for the fake, on paperly classes, with fake attendance rolls, which results in fake grades. Good luck and Fedoras off to you.

Baylor – Baylor @ # 23? INYMI or just came out of the cave and have not seen the news, the Bear poo-pooed in the woods of the NCAA and Title IX. The big people got fired – The Art work is gone and even the Starr.

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Floyd Casey Stadium. 12.03.2013. Photo by me.

Oregon – Let’s talk about ducks! (Greater Tuna). The Nike uniform gods of glow in the dark yellows and 50 Shades of Green are alive and well.

Florida – Learned at an early age – Never pull for a football team from Florida and especially this one! Besides, the alligator can eat Reveille. What is the alligator’s name? Chomp?

Texas A&M – BTHO ucla!Sully's Boots

Tuesday, October 2014

Tuesday, October 21, 2014 – May I have Your Autograph, Please?

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I am somewhat of an autograph hound myself. In fact several family members and I have growing sports memorabilia collections. So today I propose what seems like a simple solution to me for the NCAA to consider regarding college players receiving money for autographing items. Let’s say the player receives $100 to sign something. The autograph agent or agency receives $50 of that and the player receives the other $50. But the player only receives the money if he or she maintains good grades AND displays appropriate social behavior both on and off the field of play at all times.  In addition, the player must donate a minimum of 50% of his/her earnings to scholarship programs at his or her school.  All funds acquired by the athlete become available when the athlete leaves school assuming all other conditions have been met.  If the athlete graduates, he or she receives an additional 10% of their total earnings. How easy is that?