Tag Archives: LSU football

Monday, September 4, 2023 – My Labor Day Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on September 4, 2023 | 2 comments

Monday, September 4, 2023 – My Labor Day Monday After College Football Awards

What wonderful weekend for college football lovers. So many games. So many teams. So much money. Here are the first Monday awards for this season.

The Award for the Most Frequently Heard Word during the football games this weekend… It is a tie between “transfer” and “portal.”

Our first team award today is the Convincing Award. Will all of the teams that scored 40 points or more in a convincing win against their cupcake team, please pick up your trophy at the desk?

Whatsamatta U aka THE University of Texas may pick their Certificate of Participation off the printer in the next room. Horns? You scored 37 points and YOU PLAYED RICE! Vanderbilt scored more points! This was supposed to be a cupcake game, even though Rice certainly does not need the money.

However, I do award the Needs Improvement Award to THE University of Texas. Note: A lot of improvement before heading to Tuscaloosa and addressing the elephant in the room.

Also receiving a Need Improvement Certificate is Baylor. Really? Texas State Bobcats in Waco? Baylor may need more improvement that TU. Is that stadium paid for yet?

The Award for I Told You So goes to Colorado and Coach Prime. That was most fun to watch. While the game was indeed an offensive spectacular, it remains to be seen if Deion’s method of releasing all previous 80 players and selecting through the portal works.

I award TCU with the Chad and Jeremy Award for That was Yesterday and Yesterday’s Gone. Just because you participated in last’s year’s National Championship Game does not mean it should be mentioned as your laurels – especially given the way you played. Are you paying attention, future TCU announcers?

All of the teams in The Cupcake Games may pick up their entire 2024 Athletic Budget checks at the Exit Gate marked $$$. New Mexico received 1.6 million from Texas A&M. These include, but are not limited to UMass, MTST, UNM, Ark State. SE Louisiana, Mercer and Texas State. The Men’s and Women’s LaCross teams thank you.

The Best Uniform Award goes the University of Houston for their throw back Houston Oilers, Love Ya, Blue uniforms.

The Ugly Uniform Award goes to Wyoming. The yellow is ok, but it is the bovine doo doo brown that is the issue. It should be against NCAA regulations for a school to have brown as a color. Especially if the numbers are in Saloon Font. However ugly the uniforms were , they did look nice in the second OT and beating Tortilla Tech.

And last…Certainly not to be blasé, but LSU? What the Hell happened last night? At times you looked like Wyoming’s bovine doo doo brown! I would never cheer for Florida State. I know the rules – Never cheer for a team from Florida! Therefore, LSU receives the Get It Together Award.

Big Solid Swear Jar – Week One – $1.75 – All LSU fault!

Enjoy Labor Day. Pray for rain.

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September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on September 28, 2020 | Leave a comment

September 28, 2020 – My Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Just like the year 2020 has been, it was a wild, crazy and unpredictable weekend in college football. Everybody receives a Poopy Undies award.  Every team receives a It Shows There Was No Spring Training Certificate.

I must first check on the health and well being of Elf and Big Solid. I am certain they fainted at the end of the Mississippi State and LSU game. Evidently, there are pirates on the bayous.

Assisting me today with trophy/award handouts is Miss Queue. She, along with her pets, Fumbles, Interceptions and Sacks were present in every game played.

The Pepto-Bismal Dismal Performance Award goes to Oklahoma. You were upset in Norman by Kansas State! Here, take the Embarrassment Award too.

The MOO Award goes to Kansas State for milking the clock to beat OU 38-35. Maybe THE University of Texas will beat Oklahoma this year.

Speaking of the Horns. When it almost looked as though it would be a weekend when both OU and TU lost, Banjo Boy and Horns were able to pull it out in OT against Texas Tech 63-56. I am awarding myself The Frog Award because I TOAD you Tech would be up for TU. They were just not up quite enough.

Speaking of orange – Ok, it is a stretch. Oklahoma State? What was with those uniforms? They looked like those tacky uniforms TU and Tennessee wear when they do all white with a few orange stripes. You receive this week’s Bad Uniforms Award. But you did score a win against West Virginia.

The Good Uniforms Award and the win goes to Baylor. The bright green and gold combo looked good. Perhaps that is why the Mad Hatter Kansas Coach was still wearing shades at 9:30 at night. We know it is not because Kansas’ football future is so bright, he has to wear shades.

To the LSU Tigers, you receive The Flat Certificate because you looked flat on the field.  And you receive the Linda Rondast Award because Mississippi State Blew By You!

The largest group of awards goes to the Mississippi State University Bulldogs – The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Mike Leach. You might just find a home in the SEC. Wait until you play Florida. There might even been pirate ships.

State receives the Best Victory of the Day! Best Upset of the Day! Best Quarterback Performance of the Day! And last, Nobody Saw That Coming Award! Great victory to start the season!

Alabama rolled over Missouri 38-19. It was 28 to 3 at half time. Let’s give Bama the Looking Good Again Award. I know it is a small award, but I am sure there will be others and more meaningful ones as the season goes on.

Meanwhile at the same time and almost the same half-time on a different channel it was 7 to 5 going into the top of the 3rd between Texas A&M and Vanderbilt. VANDERBILT! The Rice and Stanford of the SEC!  The Aggies get the Back to Practice Award and Lackluster Performance Award!

If I were to give a Head Coaches’ Exploding Head Award, I would have given it to Jimbo Fisher of Texas A&M. But since I did not actually view his head exploding, I am unable to do so.

Instead I will give him the Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women Award. This is because I imagine the half-time locker room opening comments to the two freshmen players went something like this:

“Listen, honey chile! Now what exactly were you thinking? This here is the SEC. And we don’t run the opening kick off out of the end zone. Ya hear me? In fact, no college football team runs the opening kickoff out of the end zone especially when you are ten yards deep INTO the endzone. OK Now? Are you listening?

Also, if your feet are on the 10-yard line when the other team is punting, we do not field it in the endzone giving the other team a safety!

And, if you EVER do it again, I will bench your sweet asses until there are splinters all the way up to your nasal passages.

Are we clear?”

Jimbo’s speech may have been shorter and louder and may have had some adjectives and maybe an expletive or two. So Jimbo gets the I Bet the Paint Peeled off the Locker Room Walls Half-time Speech Certificate.

But Aggies did limp to a victory 17 – 12. I wonder who they play next Saturday. Oh crap!

BTHO ALABAMA!

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Friday, October 20, 2017 – Snarky Snark Snarky Friday. And Why I Love LSU When They Are Not Playing the Texas Aggies

Posted on October 20, 2017 | 1 comment

Friday, October 20, 2017 – Snarky Snark Snarky Friday. And Why I Love LSU When They Are Not Playing the Texas Aggies

It is the Friday before college football and that means my Snarky Friday. My list seems rather short today, but remember I only write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like. Until the “official committee” listing comes out at the end of the month, these are the ones I am going with today.

Let’s kick off Saturday with THE University of Texas and Oklahoma State @ 11:00. Lots of orange to be seen in DK Royal Memorial Stadium. Old Austinites (Austonians?) remember the bumper sticker from Maggie Mae’s? “Beer! Not just for breakfast anymore!” Go Pokes! Must go with the money and DNA on this one.

On CBS at 2:30 we can find Tennessee and Alabama. The TIDE should roll over Rocky Top, but with Butch’s coaching seat getting hot, I am going to VOLUNTEER that anything might happen.

Boomer Sooner on Fox with OU and Kansas State at 3:00. Yuk, yawn and reaching for the remote to tune into:

The Mississippi State Bulldogs and the Wildcats of Kentucky on SECN at 3:00. It should be a real dog and cat fight. Go State! See you next weekend in beautiful Kyle Field. Just so you know – The Aggies are allegedly wearing uniforms that have glow in the dark features.

Continuing with the Battle of the Schools that Begin with the Letter A we find Auburn and Arkansas at 6:30 on the SECN. Speaking of coach’s seats growing warmer, the bacon is beginning to burn in Arkansas.

Kansas meets TCU on Fox 7:00. Dear Jayhawks, Basketball season tips off this month.

Poor Baylor. I do not believe the West Virginia Baylor game beginning @7:00 even made ESPN3. Here’s hoping that it doesn’t rain on your Homecoming Parade, BU. Is this the game where all the old lady alums run as the Baylor Line? Debbie, Susi and Jeri? I hope the Mountaineers do not burn couches at their away games.

At 6:15 my channel and my heart will be watching LSU and Ole Miss. Even though I was only nine years old at the time, the Halloween game of 1959 became a legend in our family. Here’s to you Cousin Donnie Daye for giving me the love of football. I know you will be looking down.

LSU Band tribute to Donnie. 2015 (I think)

Donnie and Penny Daye – Good Memories.

Here’s to you, Billy Cannon for being so nice and remembering Donnie the day you signed my shirt. So now I have the signatures of the blocker and blockee of the Tiger victory over the Ole Miss Rebels.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Cannon%27s_Halloween_Run

GEAUX TIGERS!

For the Aggies: BTHO BYE WEEK

Did you know? Heisman winner Billy Cannon was supposed to play for the Texas Aggies. But a few too many incidents with parish law officials required that he stay in the state of Louisiana.

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July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa

Posted on July 10, 2017 | Leave a comment

July 10, 2017 – Only Seven More Mondays. Mea Culpa.

Only seven more Mondays until we begin ‘My Monday After College Football Awards.” Today is the unofficial start of college football season beginning with Conference Media Days.

My conference tis of thee and that means the SEC for me. I claim rights on that T-shirt slogan.

However, it is all talk and no action at this time. Therefore the only award today goes to me. I am awarding myself the “Is My Face Crimson” Award.

Old School Version: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea máxima culpa. through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault;

Modern Version: Sorry. My bad.

I deeply and sincerely apologize to the four Alabama fans who read HWIT and to everybody else whose traditional greeting is “Roll Tide.”

I will never misspell Coach Nick Saban’s name again; I will never spell it Sabin, like the scientist, and I will write Saban spelled correctly the end zone 100 times. I will remember to spell his name correctly because his name has two A’s in it, like the beginning and the end of Alabama. There are four As in Alabama – the same number of National Championships won by Nick Saban to date.

As I mentioned NCAA Football Media days are taking place this month. The SEC teams are in Hoover, Alabama to speak with the media. It begins today and ends Thurs. The schedule looks pretty much like this:

LSU, Florida, Alabama, Auburn and everybody else. Texas A&M will be sharing Wednesday with Alabama and Saban with two A’s. This is allegedly to reduce the temperature in Coach Sumlin’s seat, which even Paul Finebaum says is “the hottest seat in football.” You cannot let this season get away!

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Sumlin must upset at least one of those teams to even turn down the temperature a few degrees. Can we all agree that the team the Aggies should upset should be FLORIDA?

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Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on November 14, 2016 | 1 comment

Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Ship wreck 4

GLOOM! DISPAIR! And AGONY!

Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water, the rankings in college football were shuffled like a cheap deck of bicycle playing cards.

Please note: No Poopy Undies Awards will be given today. At this point we are just going to go with the Oh Crap! Awards and every team, coach and fan receives one.

The first Oh Crap Award goes to every team that has played Alabama for the last four years as The Tide Rolls. Note: to Bama Fans – I only went back to Coach Sabin and did not count The Bear or G. Stallings or any of those the school claims and are recognized before playoffs when you were #1. Just so many. To The Crimson Tide – Congratulations for securing the SEC West. Roll Tide.

Other awards for teams are as follows. Let’s start with the Small (and getting smaller) 12 Conference teams.

First, to Baylor and Seth Russell here is a sincere heal soon wish. The BU QB gets the Joe Theisman Award for sustaining a stomach turning leg/ankle injury. You know it is bad when players from both sides jump up from the tackle pile screaming for help. But you really know it is bad when TV will not show the replay and the announcers are about to throw up.

In addition Baylor lost the game to OU 24 to 45. BU wins the Kiss Your Good Bowl Game Goodbye Award. Baker Mayfield is only a junior?

THE University of Texas wins the award for Not Quite Heaven, West Virginia for coming up short 24-20. The Exploding Head Coach Award goes the West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen and the referee who refused to grant his time out request.

The Tortilla TECH kicker wins the What’s the Point Award? For missing the point after try and allowing the Oklahoma State Cowboys to escape with a one point victory – 44-45. Bedlam should be most interesting – especially since it could be for The Big 12 Championship. NOTE: Not a happy face emoticon for a team NOT from Texas winning.

The Tigers of LSU win the Bacon and Roller Skates Award for rolling over Arkansas and continuing to roll along in the SEC WEST. LSU and Arkansas 38 to10.   Can we skip Thanksgiving in College Station this year?

The Clean up on Aisle Week 11 and Pepto Dismal Awards go:

Auburn – for being upset by Georgia 13 to 7. Of course any team that plays Auburn is my favorite team. Go DAWGS!

The team formerly #2 Clemson wins the It’s the Pitts Award. The kicker for Pitt wins a That’s the Point Award for making a 48 yard field goal with 5 seconds left to play.

The team formerly # 3 Michigan loses 13 to 14 over Iowa. Iowa wins The Pittsburg Steelers Look Alike Uniforms Award. The kicker for Iowa wins a That’s the Point Award! for kicking the winning field goal to upset Michigan in the final seconds.

And on the West Coast the USC Trojans of California were high and happy by upsetting the team formerly # 4 Washington 26-13. The Huskies’ dog house might be damaged for a chance at playoffs.

The November to Dismember Award goes to the Texas A&M and Ole Miss game and everybody associated with it beginning with:

Number One. Whose bright idea was it at the SEC Network to not only let Brent Mushmouth call the Aggie/Ole Miss game, but to let him work alone the first half? It made me almost glad when Jesse Palmer joined him. At least he could call (maybe even see) the correct names and numbers of the players. Brent, if you are so “glad to be back in Texas and College Station” please learn to correctly pronounce the names of the towns in Texas.

Number Two. Texas A&M and Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy Tequila Shotty!

Number Three. The Just in Time for Christmas the Collapsible Defense Doll. This doll works like a charm until the 4th quarter. Then it lies down, collapses and dies.

Number Four. The Q&A with Coach Chavis – did you fall asleep during the fourth quarter? Was it Irritable Bowel Syndrome? What the hell happened? Whatever it was it was stinky! A true freshman, just unred-shirted quarterback playing his first game and IN KYLE FIELD in front of over 100,000!! I am awarding you the Ricky Ricardo Award because “Oh Lucy! You got some splaining to do!”

As always, “Texas Aggies, down in Aggieland; we’ve got spirit – to the man; STAND UNITED that’s the Aggie theme; we’re the 12th Man on the Team…”

Twelfth Man (800x600)

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Friday, October 21, 2016 – The Snark of Friday and the Battle for the SEC

Posted on October 21, 2016 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 21, 2016 – The Snark of Friday and the Battle for the SEC

Before the Snark arrives, please join me in noting the passing of Houston sports announcer, Bob Allen. I do not know how many of my sorority sisters at Stephen F. Austin had secret crushes on him, but I did. Bob was an outstanding individual who made the lives of others better. My thoughts and prayers go to his family.

And now – Here come the snark! Here come the snark!

You know HWIT is only about teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. Having said that, there are only TWO games to note this Saturday. The rest of the games are just filling and killing time.

At 8:00 PM on ESPN we find # 23 Ole Miss Rebels and # 25 LSU Tigers. Check out one of my most prized possessions. That’s right Louisiana Cousins – signed by Heisman Winner Billy Cannon and my dear cousin Donnie Daye. I especially like the “to my favorite Aggie cuz.”

lsu-tshirt-800x450

Anyone who cheers for the Tigers knows the story of the Halloween Game. GEAUX TIGERS! Pretend it is Halloween and take down the Rebels.

But before that game at 2:30 on CBS we have the game of the SEC, year, decade and perhaps the century. The undefeated at six and zero and ranked at number six (WHOOP!) we have the Fighting Texas Aggies in Tuscaloosa. The Ags visit Big Al and the #1 and undefeated at seven and zero Crimson Tide of Alabama. The last time the Aggies visited Bryant-Denny stadium this Heisman Winner was the quarterback. Shaking Hands with Johnny Manziel - Copy (800x600)Helmet without certificate (800x600) This is one not of my most prized possessions – yet. I am still hopeful. However, the victory by Johnny Manziel and the Texas Aggies over Alabama is one of my most prized memories.The quarterback for the Texas Aggies this year is Trevor Knight. His team beat Alabama too. Just saying.

But continuing to note outstanding football players, I do not want to slight Alabama and one of their most outstanding players – Forrest Gump. In fact to paraphrase Mr. Gump one team is going to be wounded “in the butt tocks!”

selphie-with-barn-689x800

Gig ‘Em Aggies! BTHO Alabama

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Tuesday, October 18, 2016 – Golf, Love and LSU

Posted on October 18, 2016 | Leave a comment

Tuesday, October 18, 2016 – Golf, Love and LSU

Yu So Yung is off to play golf today. Please hope that Yu So Suk does not show up.

Therefore this will be an abbreviated version of Here’s What I’m Thinking. There will be more when I return this afternoon.

My wonderful cousin from my father’s side noted that my family is from Louisiana and I did not mention LSU or Mike yesterday. Dreadful on my part. First, we offer condolences to the LSU nation for the loss of their beautiful mascot to cancer – Mike, the Tiger.

To Florida we send a sincere – you wonder why no one likes you. Not cool to make fun of the passing of any school mascot, you Gator Butt Heads. You think we will be sad when that reptile you have passes? Think again.

Now to love and LSU until I get back and finish this. Thank God I was born in Texas, but had I not been I am confident I would have graduated from LSU. Why? My football heroes went there. The love for football and LSU comes from my Mama’s side.

Ferriday Feline? 180 pounds? Oh Cousin Donnie we miss you.

donnie-510x800

 

And here is that dude you blocked for.Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 003 - Copy (800x585)

More to come.

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Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Posted on October 7, 2016 | 3 comments

Friday, October 7, 2016 – Snarky Friday Before Saturday College Football

Before the Snark appears, sincerely let us send our thoughts and prayers to those in the path of Hurricane Matthew.

Also, let us send our love and good byes to LSU’s Mike VI as his cancer has spread. LSU is allowing fans to come say their final good byes to one of the most beautiful mascots in college football. A search begins soon for Mike VII. Mike VII will come from a tiger rescue reserve facility.

Paraphrase from Macbeth – “Enter the Snark with a taper.”

Baylor – A three-week BYE! Not playing for three weeks does not help your championship hopes. Of course, neither does playing schools like Kansas.

Florida and LSU – Hurricane Matthew wins!

Georgia and South Carolina – Hurricane Matthew wins again.

Coming to you live from state fairgrounds of Texas we have The Red River Shootout on FS1 @ 11:00 AM. This was once the game from which national championships came – THE University of Texas Longhorns and The Sooners of Oklahoma University. Now it is the game that sends rumors throughout the various cyberspheres. With all due respect to Willie N. …

“It’s a bloody Mary morning,

Someone’s leaving without warning

Sometime in the night.

And they’re flying down to Houston with forgetting him the nature of their flight.”

Speaking of Houston, as in The University of, we have the #5 untested Cougars playing the Midshipman from Navy on ESPN @ 2:00. Anchors Away, my boys, Anchors Away!

Before we get to Texas A&M and the Faded tu Volunteers of Tennessee, let us discuss # 1 Alabama and # 16 Arkansas that is on ESPN at 6:00. I feel the need to express this in language understandable for those rooting for Arkansas.

“Bubba, get me another beer while I talk. Just yesterday I was saying to my cousin and wife, Thelma Sue, that them folks from Bama better be careful. These ain’t no ordinary hogs. These here are Razorbacks. Just the other day one got up under the trailer and started rooting around. I run out with my AK 47 and started shooting in the air to scare it. He run under the car and damn near knocked it off its cement blocks fore he run off into the woods. Just saying Bama better be bringing it. Me and Bubba are fixing to rewire the trailers to borrow the neighbors cable to watch the game. Come on, Bubba. Race you in the four wheeler.”

Coming to your CBS station at 2:30 live from Kyle Field in College Station, Texas we have the # 8 The Fighting Aggies of Texas A&M and the Luckiest Dang Team in football – the # 9 Volunteers of Tennessee. Tailgating 9.3.16 UCLA 2016-09-03 007 - Copy (800x579)

Since I am not going to campus at 5:30 AM in the morning to have my sign approved for ESPN Game Day I will just list a few ideas I had:

Reveille is prettier than Smokey.

What color orange is that? Bleach Faded?

Good ole, Rocky Flop: Rocky Flop Tennessee

Please Lee Curses, put the coon skin cap on to pick Tennessee so TAMU will win. (Also, make fun of Reveille again and you will not get out of town in one piece.)

Kirk Herbstreit – can I get my picture made with you? selphie-with-barn-689x800

Once, twice, three times a Hail Mary – not in the Aggie’s house.

Twelfth Man (800x600)

Twelfth Man Statue – north end of Kyle Field. Photo by me.

BTHO Tennessee!

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Friday, September 16, 2016 – Snarky Friday – College Football

Posted on September 16, 2016 | 1 comment

Friday, September 16, 2016 – Snarky Friday – College Football

Let’s begin with last evening’s tryouts for the Big 12 Conference. Our contest was between the University of Houston and WKRP in Cincinnati. I vote no to Cincinnati. While those really creepy black masks will go very well in parts of Texas and especially in Lubbock, are Cincinnati and the state of Ohio aware that Texas is an open carry state for handguns? Wearing masks is frowned up and tends to lead to unwanted unpleasantries in states where we are packing heat.

My second reason to vote no were those migraine causing flapping black and white tube things. This is equal to the obnoxious cowbells from Mississippi State and the seizure causing blue football field of Boise State. UH Cougars 40 WKRP Cincinnati Bearkats 16, but much closer than the score indicates.

Tonight we shall be treated to an old Southwest Conference rivalry – Baylor and Rice at Rice Stadium @ 7:00 on ESPN. Beware of the MOB, Bears. You have lots of garbage of which the Marching Owl Band can make fun.

# 1 Alabama and # 19 Ole Miss 2:30 CBS – The Tide Rolls into The Grove in Oxford. This could prove to be a game requiring multiple toddies. Coach Sabin does not want to lose for a third time to the Rebels. John and BJ and Lisa and Ric and Hopper, please know virtual CPR and breathing exercises are available via texts. I shall expect the same at 6:00 against Auburn. Roll Tide.

What programming idiots scheduled these games at the same time? I will have carpel thumb syndrome from the remote. Set those TIVOs to record.

Texas A&M and Auburn at 6:00 ESPN at Auburn. Aubie is the official tiger mascot of Auburn University. According to Wikipedia “Aubie is an anthropomorphic tiger.” Reveille IX is the mascot of Texas A&M. Reveille is a real collie. Rev 3 (800x600)

I don’t know what anthropomorphic means other than it sounds like Aubie can’t go to the bathroom in North Carolina. BTHO Auburn.

Mississippi State and LSU at 6:30 on ESPN2 in Tiger Stadium, Baton Rouge. This could be a For Whom the Cow Bells Toll. I am thinking the Tigers better bring their A game. Otherwise those obnoxious cowbells will be running Miles down the road.

Tiger Stadium (800x389)

Ohio State and OU 6:30 Fox – Lots of red, white and grey for this one. And that is just the wine list and vodka suggestion. Seeds and Sooners in Norman.

Michigan State and Notre Dame at 6:30 on the Notre Dame Network, NBC. I shall anxiously await your texts, Mr. RL. Go Spartans!

USC and #7 Stanford at 7 on ABC. Trojans versus Cardinal. Big rivalry at stake in the Pac 12. I am going with the brainiacs.

THE University of Texas and California Berkley at 9:30 on ESPN. Bevo and the Bears. Still courting the PAC 12, Texas? Hook ‘Em Hippies! Longhorn Band (800x600)

BTHO Auburn.

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Friday, August 26, 2016 –The Official Return of Snarky Friday! College Football Rankings 2016: CFB Playoff Predictions After Preseason Way Too Early AP Poll.

Posted on August 26, 2016 | Leave a comment

Friday, August 26, 2016 –The Official Return of Snarky Friday! College Football Rankings 2016: CFB Playoff Predictions After Preseason Way Too Early AP Poll.

We are eight days from Saturday college football kickoff. Oh be still my heart. Here is the AP way too early preseason college football ranking Numbers one (1) through twenty-five (25) and my snarky comments regarding each.

Alabama – This is not news. This is Bama’s annual expectation. Roll Tide!

Sabin sign (600x800)

College Station 2015 on the way to tailgate Aggies v. Tide – photo by me.

Clemson –The coach’s name is the same as a bathroom cleaner. Wait. The bathroom cleaner is Babo, not Dabo.

Ooooooooklahoma – where the winds come whistling down the plains. Stooping up with a Baker may just Field The Big 12 Champion. But the Sooner Schooner must leave Dallas with a victory in October.

Florida State – Learned at an early age – Never root for a football team from Florida.

78410017 (800x531)

From my sister’s Magnolia High School senior trip 1954. Photo by Honeyboy.

LSU – Let us pray! First (and seriously) – Oh Lord, please watch over the state of Louisiana and its people. Second – Lord, please keep Leonard Fournette’s legs strong and keep him safe and healthy as he wins LSU’s second Heisman Trophy to sit next to Billy Cannon’s. Billy Cannon 8.10.2014 2014-08-10 003 - Copy (800x585)

Please let LSU’s second Heisman winner turn out better than Texas A&M’s second Heisman winner.

Me and Johnny Manziel - Copy (800x600)

Please let Leonard’s ankle sprain be just minor enough to not allow him to return to the game after Myles Garrett slams his ass to the turf in Kyle Field on the opening series on Thanksgiving evening. Amen. Gig ‘Em Aggies and Geaux Tigers!

Ohio State – Do not care until you play a team I care about.

Michigan – Ooh. The Big Chill. You can’t always get what you wanted, but you get what you need. Jeramiah was a bullfrog … singing Joy to the World… all the boys and girls.

Stanford –The name of the team is the Cardinal. Not the bird; the color. The mascot of the band is a tree dressed in rags. The name of the band is the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band (LSJUMB). They make the Rice Marching Owl Band (MOB) appear tame and organized. I am always impressed by the kitchen sink drum line. The school has never been able to come up with a mascot. This – from the university that has given us some of the greatest academic minds in history. Go figure.

Tennessee – I Volunteer no information at this time. Please check back after October 8. Oh yes, I still think your uniforms were washed with too much bleach to achieve that faded orange.

Notre Dame – Opens against THE University of Texas in Austin on September 3. I am torn between two songs I made up: For ND as a reminder of South Bend – Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life;

End over end neither left nor the right;

Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights;

Drop kick me Jesus in DK R stadium on Saturday night.

2. I am leaning more toward this song. Roomie, perhaps you can think of a catchy tune to sing it to.

Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight! And please eat the leprechaun! Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight and please eat the shamrock too! Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight! For this game is your premier! Hook ‘Em! Hook ‘Em! The gang’s all here and ND can kiss my rear.

What do you think, RL?

Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy! Probation Aw Mighty! Let it Go from the movie Freeze. Zippy KangarooOh, silly me. I meant Frozen. See you in Oxford at The Grove in November.

Michigan State – I so hope you meet USC in the Latex Bowl. The Spartans and The Trojans would be so fun.

TCU – Highway 6 runs both ways and through Waco.

Washington – Do not care until you play a team I care about, she said Huskily. Besides, your games are passed my bedtime.

Houston – Highway 6 runs both ways. So does Highway 290. Let’s see if the QB and the offensive coordinator will help you play with the big boys.

UCLA – You are aware, Golden Bears, we hired your offensive coordinator? Please check back after September 3.

Iowa – Do not care. FYI – Birds do not have teeth so neither should the mascot.

Georgia – DAWGS! Uga! Always on my mind and dangerous in the SEC.

Louisville – The school mascot is not the Sluggers. The mascot is The Cardinals – the birds, as in plural, and not the color and in singular. See # 8.

USC – See # 12. I hope you meet Michigan State in the Latex Bowl. Perhaps it will be the rubber match between the two of you.

Oklahoma State – Go Pokes! Pistol Pete Rules!

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KKN’s OSU graduation weekend. Photo by me.

North Carolina – UNC NO NEW NCAA NOA? Not a code or football play. It means the NCAA added no other NOA or Notice of Allegations to UNC’s original violations. Aren’t you on probation? Or is it just men’s basketball and other athletic departments? The new document with NOA does not mention those football and basketball specifically as the original did. And the athletics department is blaming the academics departments for the grading and fraud scandals for the fake, on paperly classes, with fake attendance rolls, which results in fake grades. Good luck and Fedoras off to you.

Baylor – Baylor @ # 23? INYMI or just came out of the cave and have not seen the news, the Bear poo-pooed in the woods of the NCAA and Title IX. The big people got fired – The Art work is gone and even the Starr.

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Floyd Casey Stadium. 12.03.2013. Photo by me.

Oregon – Let’s talk about ducks! (Greater Tuna). The Nike uniform gods of glow in the dark yellows and 50 Shades of Green are alive and well.

Florida – Learned at an early age – Never pull for a football team from Florida and especially this one! Besides, the alligator can eat Reveille. What is the alligator’s name? Chomp?

Texas A&M – BTHO ucla!Sully's Boots

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