Friday, August 26, 2016 –The Official Return of Snarky Friday! College Football Rankings 2016: CFB Playoff Predictions After Preseason Way Too Early AP Poll.
We are eight days from Saturday college football kickoff. Oh be still my heart. Here is the AP way too early preseason college football ranking Numbers one (1) through twenty-five (25) and my snarky comments regarding each.
Alabama – This is not news. This is Bama’s annual expectation. Roll Tide!
Clemson –The coach’s name is the same as a bathroom cleaner. Wait. The bathroom cleaner is Babo, not Dabo.
Ooooooooklahoma – where the winds come whistling down the plains. Stooping up with a Baker may just Field The Big 12 Champion. But the Sooner Schooner must leave Dallas with a victory in October.
Florida State – Learned at an early age – Never root for a football team from Florida.
LSU – Let us pray! First (and seriously) – Oh Lord, please watch over the state of Louisiana and its people. Second – Lord, please keep Leonard Fournette’s legs strong and keep him safe and healthy as he wins LSU’s second Heisman Trophy to sit next to Billy Cannon’s.
Please let LSU’s second Heisman winner turn out better than Texas A&M’s second Heisman winner.
Please let Leonard’s ankle sprain be just minor enough to not allow him to return to the game after Myles Garrett slams his ass to the turf in Kyle Field on the opening series on Thanksgiving evening. Amen. Gig ‘Em Aggies and Geaux Tigers!
Ohio State – Do not care until you play a team I care about.
Michigan – Ooh. The Big Chill. You can’t always get what you wanted, but you get what you need. Jeramiah was a bullfrog … singing Joy to the World… all the boys and girls.
Stanford –The name of the team is the Cardinal. Not the bird; the color. The mascot of the band is a tree dressed in rags. The name of the band is the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band (LSJUMB). They make the Rice Marching Owl Band (MOB) appear tame and organized. I am always impressed by the kitchen sink drum line. The school has never been able to come up with a mascot. This – from the university that has given us some of the greatest academic minds in history. Go figure.
Tennessee – I Volunteer no information at this time. Please check back after October 8. Oh yes, I still think your uniforms were washed with too much bleach to achieve that faded orange.
Notre Dame – Opens against THE University of Texas in Austin on September 3. I am torn between two songs I made up: For ND as a reminder of South Bend – Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life;
End over end neither left nor the right;
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights;
Drop kick me Jesus in DK R stadium on Saturday night.
2. I am leaning more toward this song. Roomie, perhaps you can think of a catchy tune to sing it to.
Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight! And please eat the leprechaun! Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight and please eat the shamrock too! Bevo Fight! Bevo Fight! For this game is your premier! Hook ‘Em! Hook ‘Em! The gang’s all here and ND can kiss my rear.
What do you think, RL?
Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy! Probation Aw Mighty! Let it Go from the movie Freeze. Oh, silly me. I meant Frozen. See you in Oxford at The Grove in November.
Michigan State – I so hope you meet USC in the Latex Bowl. The Spartans and The Trojans would be so fun.
TCU – Highway 6 runs both ways and through Waco.
Washington – Do not care until you play a team I care about, she said Huskily. Besides, your games are passed my bedtime.
Houston – Highway 6 runs both ways. So does Highway 290. Let’s see if the QB and the offensive coordinator will help you play with the big boys.
UCLA – You are aware, Golden Bears, we hired your offensive coordinator? Please check back after September 3.
Iowa – Do not care. FYI – Birds do not have teeth so neither should the mascot.
Georgia – DAWGS! Uga! Always on my mind and dangerous in the SEC.
Louisville – The school mascot is not the Sluggers. The mascot is The Cardinals – the birds, as in plural, and not the color and in singular. See # 8.
USC – See # 12. I hope you meet Michigan State in the Latex Bowl. Perhaps it will be the rubber match between the two of you.
Oklahoma State – Go Pokes! Pistol Pete Rules!
North Carolina – UNC NO NEW NCAA NOA? Not a code or football play. It means the NCAA added no other NOA or Notice of Allegations to UNC’s original violations. Aren’t you on probation? Or is it just men’s basketball and other athletic departments? The new document with NOA does not mention those football and basketball specifically as the original did. And the athletics department is blaming the academics departments for the grading and fraud scandals for the fake, on paperly classes, with fake attendance rolls, which results in fake grades. Good luck and Fedoras off to you.
Baylor – Baylor @ # 23? INYMI or just came out of the cave and have not seen the news, the Bear poo-pooed in the woods of the NCAA and Title IX. The big people got fired – The Art work is gone and even the Starr.
Oregon – Let’s talk about ducks! (Greater Tuna). The Nike uniform gods of glow in the dark yellows and 50 Shades of Green are alive and well.
Florida – Learned at an early age – Never pull for a football team from Florida and especially this one! Besides, the alligator can eat Reveille. What is the alligator’s name? Chomp?
Texas A&M – BTHO ucla!