Tag Archives: Big 12

Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.

Posted on July 21, 2017 | 2 comments

Friday, July 21, 2017 – Snarky Friday and Hotty Toddy Escort my Body Out of Here.

Apparently Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin did not have the hottest coach’s seat in the SEC. Wow, coming straight out of a William Faulkner novel the Hugh Freeze, Head Coach of The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) resigned suddenly after displaying “a pattern of personal misconduct.” I have not consulted the Urban Dictionary, but I think that is code for “bring on the hookers.”

I understand Ken Starr might be available to represent Coach Freeze. Mr. Starr has vast experience with sex scandals. Rick Pitino (Louisville) may be able to recommend legal counsel. Given the lawyer rats jumping ship from The White House, I am sure a football sex scandal would seem like a piece of cake to any one of them. So we shall let the lawyers take over.

As for the coaching situation, I am sure any coach would want to assume the responsibilities of an NCAA program on probation and now saddled with a sex scandal just at the onset of the football season. How do you think Art Briles would look in Rebel blue and red? Charlie Strong? Whaaat?

https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/ole-miss-coach-hugh-freeze-resigns-amid-explosive-new-information/

Onward down the football field. I was reading Olin Buchanan’s excellent article this morning – Same Song: Aggies Deaf to Herman’s Plea to Renew Rivalry.

https://texags.com/t/3116/olin-buchanan

Here’s what I’m thinking. Coach Herman, I am not in MENSA like you are, but I do know my history. You should probably study some of it too. May I recommend The 100 Year Decision, by R. Bowen Loftin?

Mr. Buchanan in his article so noted, as does Dr. Bowen, it was not the Aggies decision to cancel the series. It was DeLoss Dodds’ decision to punish the Aggies financially.

There are theorists who theorize an alternate version of Justin Tucker’s game winning, time running out, suck the life out of you, field goal victory over the Aggies. The outcome of everything might have been different had the kick not been good.

But alas, Coach Herman. The Aggies left the Big 12 Conference to join the Southeastern Conference. In the SEC, and an 8 and 5 season will out do a 5-7 season any day of the week. The North Carolina women’s basketball team can beat the Kanas football team.

But Coach Herman, you do have that Longhorn Network – the one you do not share with any of the others in the conference? The one that shows old footage of past glory? That one. Not to be confused with the SEC Network (and there is also an alternate network on really good sports’ days). Not only does it share it profits with its member schools, it has much better programming because of the National Championships won by the SEC schools. Check it out, Coach.

But yes, my Class of ’85 ears are deaf to a rivalry between Texas A&M and THE University of Texas. LSU and Alabama and even poor Ole Miss are way more fun than you, Bevo and Boys. But I hear Manhattan, Kansas and Ames Iowa and even Waco, Texas are nice during the winter.

Here’s to Coach Herman: Hullaballoo Keneck Ken NO! Not interested.

BTHO

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies

Tagged Big 12, College Football; Texas Aggies, Hugh Freeze, humor, Ken Starr, Ole Miss, Olin Buchanan, satire, SEC, SEC Network, The University of Mississippi, Tom Herman

Friday, November 13, 2015 – The Friday Before Saturday College Football

Posted on November 13, 2015 | 1 comment

Friday, November 13, 2015 – The Friday Before Saturday College Football

Before we look at Saturday’s college football schedule, I want to give a shout out to PT (as in personal trainer, not physical therapist) Killer Queen (KQ). I am keying this post one letter at a time with a pencil between my teeth. This is the only part of my body that does not hurt.

Seems KQ wanted to try a new exercise routine yesterday that she found on Pinterest. Meagan, stop showing her this crap. It began with 15 push-ups. There were 30 jumping jacks – followed by 50 more. I lost consciousness sometime during the burpees and I think only 15 minutes had elapsed. I am still grinning today though. I did all of the exercises, lived to tell about them and have KQ to witness. Nice job, KQ.

But we must look forward to the really big football games tomorrow. Remember I write about football teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. If your team(s) is not mentioned, please let me know and I will be happy to make snarky comments about them.

The Selection Committee has spoken for the first rankings. I told you we (mostly me and RL) suspected a secret meeting between The Committee and The Pope to ensure Notre Dame over Baylor.

The early birds at 11:00 on various networks are:

Florida and South Carolina
Kansas and TCU
Ohio State and Illinois
THE University of Texas and West Virginia

THE University of Texas with a 4-5 record and West Virginia at 4-4 meet on ESPU coming live from Morgantown, West Virginia. Remember: When WVa wins, the students burn couches to celebrate the victory. Like I know why? I am not up on hillbilly culture and customs. Nevertheless, Horns, please protect the environment and do not allow couches to be set on fire.

At 2:30 our game watching options include:

Coming live from Jones AT&T Stadium in Looobock, Texas the Tortilla Throwing Red Raiders of Texas Tech host the Wildcats from Kansas State. The interest level is only due to bowl match-up projections. It can be viewed on Fox Sports Network.

On ESPN2 @ 2:30 we have # 1 and undefeated Clemson @ 9-0 visiting Otto the Orange and Syracuse in Syracuse, New York. The team wearing orange will win.

Otto the Orange

Opposite at 2:30 with the worthless, Chatty Cathy CBS announcers, rolling in at #2, with a record of 8-1, The Crimson Tide of Alabama rolls into Starkville, Mississippi to meet Mississippi State. Remember, Tigers, it is the SEC and on any given day something unexpected can happen.

From “… where the winds come sweeping down the plains,” the # 8 Oklahoma State Cowboys at 9-0 travel to Ames Iowa to meet Iowa State with a record of 3-6 @ 2:30. Pistol Pete and the Cowboys are used to Cyclones. The game is on ESPN.

On the Notre Dame network, NBS, the Creepy Leperachauns of #4 Notre Dame with a record of 8 and 1 play the powerful Demons of Wake Forest with their record of 3-6. Should we call this the Exorcist Bowl?

Cousin Darryl and the Demons of Northwestern will be at Bowers Stadium in Huntsville, Texas meeting Sam Houston State. Yes, I have a degree from Sam Houston, but Me and Cuz Darryl are DNA related, so Go Demons.

And then night falls.

When night falls a most interesting contest between #24 Houston @ 9-0 and # 21 Memphis @ 8-1 @ 6 kicks off on ESPN2 from TDECU Stadium in Houston. Where did you two come from?

The Razorbacks from Arkansas and the #9 LSU meet on ESPN at 6:15 from Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge. I will have a cup of gumbo with a big side of bacon please.

And in the game with the most ramifications for the Big 12 Conference and the national rankings we find #6 Baylor versus #12 Oklahoma on ABC from the truly beautiful McLane Stadium in Waco at 7:00. The Home Depot Game Day Show should be setting up for tomorrow’s Big 12 showdown about right now I hope Corsor looks good with a Bear on his head. Does anybody really look good with a Sooner Wagon on their head?

My main screen will be when West Carolina University comes to the magnificent Kyle Field to take on the Texas Aggies @ 6:00 on the SECN. Does that meet Bret Mushmouth and Jesse Palmer are the announcers? Get me to a radio. Bret – the term is AGGIES, not Eggies as you continually say. Put down your cocktail.

The Aggies who appear to be having a Ground Hog Day movie kind of season take on the West Carolina Catamounts form Cullowhee, North Carolina. OMG – I hear banjo music playing. Both teams are 6 and 3.

Run Rev Run

The mascot of West Carolina is a Catamount. Is this some kind of sailing vessel? Where is Cullowhee, North Carolina? A Catamount is a cat – really big one with teeth. I believe in Texas it is referred to a mountain lion or a cougar. Cullowhee, North Carolina sits among The Great Smokey Mountains and Blue Ridge Mountains. Sounds beautiful.

Nevertheless – BTHO West Carolina

My apologies for this being late. Blame KQ. It is hard to type with pencil between your teeth

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, Native Texan

Tagged Aggieland Outfitters, Alabama, Baylor, Baylor Bears, Big 12, Big 12 Conference, college football, Crimson Tide, LSU, Oklahoma State University, Oklahoma University, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, The University of Texas

Friday, November 6, 2016 – Separation Weekend – These Are the Games Try Men’s Souls (paraphrase of Thomas Paine – Google him)

Posted on November 6, 2015 | Leave a comment

Friday, November 6, 2016 – Separation Weekend – These Are the Games Try Men’s Souls (paraphrase of Thomas Paine – Google him)

Don’t forget to vote for Gayla for Team Mom of the Year.

http://www2.usafootball.com/poll_management/userpoll/6

It is Separation Weekend in college football. This is when the Big Boy Pads are put on because one loss separates your team from the National Championship Bracket, the Conference championships and your team goes to the Toilet Bowl in Fargo, North Dakota.

I am thinking Baylor probably wanted more separation in the score than shown last night against Kansas State. Thirty-one to 24 does not impress The Selection Committee. But the true freshman quarterback was most impressive for Baylor.

But what games will you watch tomorrow?

Texas Tech and West Virginia have the joy of the 11:00 AM game on FS1 in the meeting of mediocracy in Morgantown, West Virginia. Tech – those big mounds of dirt are called mountains.

Notre Dame and Pitt line up on ABC at 11:00. A loss could send ND spiraling downward into some depth of Dante’s Inferno or at least to a bowl game in a hot desert setting.

What will impress The Committee will be at 2:30 on Fox with a showdown in Boone Pickens Stadium in Stillwater Oklahoma when unbeaten TCU visits unbeaten Oklahoma State. GO COWBOYS!

Equally impressive to The Committee will be Florida State and Clemson at 2:30 on ABC from Clemson, South Carolina. I’ve never been one to pull for Florida State, but Go Noles!

The separations continue in the SEC at 2:30 on CBS. There is a big HOG calling from every team in the SEC as the Razorbacks travel to Oxford, Mississippi and The Grove to attempt the upset of Ole Miss. An upset by the Hogs could set up some very interesting scenarios.

In the evening, creeping up the College Football Polls are the Sooners of OU at 6:00 on ESPNU against Iowa State. A big score from the Fabulous Baker Boy’s team could attract the eyes of The Committee.

In the evening keep a watchful out on the States – as in Ohio State and Michigan State. The Committee will be watching.

The separation Saturday for last place in The Big 12 Conference is THE University of Texas and Kansas. Kansas can get out of last place and THE University can safely secure it’s place in the unfamiliar middle section of the Big 12 rankings.

The game will be broadcasts on the Longhorn Network at 7:00. Unless you are wearing a burnt oranges shirt, everyone else will be watching Texas A&M and Auburn and/or Alabama and LSU.

In another game for separation for last place in the SEC West we have Auburn and the ever-so-tactful, Will Muschamp, visiting the new Kyle Field at 6:30 on the SEC Network. A loss for Auburn pretty much seals them in last place SEC – West. A loss for the Aggies could mean the difference between the Aggies playing Notre Dame in some desert state or in the Toilet Bowl in Fargo, North Dakota.

BTHO Auburn

And now for the Big Separation. Even with 100% precipitation predicted in Tuscaloosa, the Tide will NOT Roll over the Tigers. Alabama will be soggy toast. And this weekend my Alabama friends, I cannot be your friend.

Here is why – I am going with The Tigers and the Family DNA. Come on, Bama, you know you can’t catch them Boys from The Bayou. They know how to run from them allimugatros in bayou. You thank they gonna be scared? Nah. They done gonna put dat voodoo on you! And I am making me some gumbo in anticipation of the celebration. Run Leonard Run!

GEAUX TIGERS!

Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 5, 2015 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards are brought to you today by the word “amphigory.” Amphigory is a noun meaning “a meaningless or nonsensical piece of writing, especially one intended as a parody.” A quote – “it is the mother of all miscellanies, aka an amphigory, a medley, a pot-pourri, a gallimaufry, a salmagundi, and omnium-gatherum, a vade mecum, a smorgasbord. Robert McCrum, “God bless you Mr. Schott, The Guardian, December 7, 2002. (Dictionery.com)

Yes, all of those words will be on your assessment exam because they so describe Here’s What I’m Thinking and I have no idea what most of them mean. – Vade mecum?

But if that don’t describe the chaotic weekend of college football… Here is your ado, so further it by reading on.

To the horrible broadcasters of the Texas Aggie/Mississippi State game on the SECN – Brent Mushmouth and Jesse Palmer. What is the deal? Are you somebody’s brother-in-law? Son-in-law? Do you have video of people? I am not certain, Mr. Palmer, but I think you are supposed to give equal time to both teams. Did you not even pick up an A&M media guide? You get the Mute Button Award.

The Most Points Award goes to the Baylor Bears 63- 35 over Texas Tech. I do not think these bears are going into hibernation anytime soon.

However, it is a tie for Ugliest Uniforms between those bleached-out TCU lavender tops and the drab grey, olive and yellow uniforms of Baylor. Who is your uniform rep? Stevie Wonder?

There are several Poo-Poo Undies Awards that go to:

Michigan State
Ohio State
Oklahoma State

For having close games and scaring the poo out of your fan base. That # 1 Spot is looking very shaky, Buckeyes. Larry Culpepper is watching.

FYI – It was accurratte, that the officials from The Big 12 apologized for the bad calls by the referees. They were not accurrette when they established the line of scrimmage. The Spell Check Award goes to The Big 12. Is that accurratte?

The Pepto-Bismol for Dismal Awards goes the teams that were upset: These are:

UCLA – by Arizona State
Ole Miss by Florida
Notre Dame by Clemson
The State of South Carolina by Floods

Speaking of Dismal – The Train wreck Award goes THE University of Texas. I have no other words to say save – it could get worse. OU+CH = OUCH next Saturday. Next week UT players can tweet at half-time and call for Uber to come pick them up and just head on over to the State Fair of Texas.

Auburn wins the Dionne Warwick award for knowing “the way to San Jose.” Now do you know the way back to the SEC?

The Rain and Let’s Build an Ark Awards goes to:

Ole Miss vs Florida – the Florida team had the flu all week; the Swamp floods and the Rebels sink.
Notre Dame vs Clemson – Death Valley floods and the Irish sink.
Georgia vs. Alabama – The Tide was even Rising from the sky.

And to The Crimson Tide of Alabama I am giving them the William T. Sherman Award as they “…sing the jubilee; hoorah, hoorah, the flag that makes us free; while we sang a chorus from Atlanta to the sea – While they were marching Through Georgia.”

And to The Fighting Texas Aggies – I am awarding the Reveille is so much prettier than Bully Award. Not to mention she does not drool and she wears clothes.

The QB of the Game Award goes to Kyle Allen of Texas A&M. The stats on passing leaders:

D. Prescott 20-34 for 210 yards.
K. Allen 25-41 for 322 yards, 2 TDs.

Or as Palmer would say: Prescott was edged out by Allen.

The Aggies have an open date next Saturday and Alabama entertains the Pork and beans from Arkansas.

But then … Coming to Kyle Field on a station near you – Alabama vs Texas A&M – October 17. BTHO Alabama.

Friday, October 2, 2015 – Snarky Friday Football and Big Boy Pants

Posted on October 2, 2015 | 1 comment

Friday, October 2, 2015 – Snarky Friday Football and Big Boy Pants

This weekend is time for the college football teams to put on their big boy pants. Jeb Bush was not referring to football when he said he would be putting on his big boy pants. (Such articulate presidential candidates we have.) He was referring to Donald Trump’s comments about him and Marc Rubio. Still I suppose that is better than Donald Trump screaming bull!#$% during a professional speech. What a diplomat he will make. But back to football.

Campus tour 7.5.2014 2014-07-05 099 (800x600)

Intellectual salon of College Station where Texas A&M students and Former Students spend hours drinking in knowledge.

These are the games that have meaning. These are the teams that can upset the best offensives and defenses. These are the games that begin to count toward championships, trophies and bowl games. Now it is time to bring “Your “A” GAME”’ to every game.

Our Saturday morning begins with THE University of Texas vs TCU @ 11:00AM on ABC from Fort Worth. Could be a bloody Mary morning for either team and on national TV too! Fear the Frog and Hook’ em Hippies! Stay Strong. You can do this!

Don’t forget to toggle over to West Virginia and Oklahoma on Fox1 @ 11:00. Time to start looking at the Sooners and the Mountaineers.

The 2:30 time slot goes to Texas Tech and Baylor on ESPN2. Should be a high flying, big scoring game in Arlington at Jerry World. Watch out Baylor; Coach Kliff always has something up his GQ sleeve. There is always the State Fair and fried butter.

But the 2:30 time slot of great interest goes to the TIDE of Alabama and the Bulldogs of Georgia on CBS in Athens. Athens – so named after the ancient Grecian city. Watch out for Poseidon – the ancient Greek god of the water. Poseidon carries a three-pronged weapon called the Trident. It can create earthquakes, tsunamis and destructive tidal waves.

Poseidon was also known to cause certain forms of mental disturbance. I guarantee you that if this Poseidon Adventure turns Alabama and the Crimson Tide upside down, and they lose 2 games, there will be all forms of mental disturbances in Alabama and in the SEC.

At 3:00 one can watch Kansas State University and Oklahoma State University from Stillwater (that is in Oklahoma) on Fox 1. One can also tune into San Jose and Auburn on the SECN. Or one can take a nap in preparation for the six o’clock time slots.

I guarantee Uncle Will Muschamp and New England poet named Auburn Tigers – if you take this game long and into the Aggies’ game that follows, we will come after you!

Better be up and prepared for the 6:00 games. How many screens do you have? All of these games could be worth watching. I have a smart phone; two tablets, four TV’s and ESPN3.

Arkansas and Tennessee at 6:00 on ESPN2 from Knoxville. Coulda, shoulda woulda been a good programming move early in the season, but now I bet ESPN executives wish they could switch to LSU and Eastern Michigan. (Read: bigger viewing audience = more$$$= more exposure for LSU’s Leonard F.)

LSU/Eastern Michigan @ 6:00 on ESPNU from Baton Rouge. Run Leonard Run! Leonard Fournette is fun to watch.

Ole Miss and Florida @ 6:30 on ESPN from Gainesville. Let’s see if the Rebels bring their waders to the Gators in The Swamp. Never trust a team from Florida.

And The Fighting Texas Aggies host the Mississippi Bulldogs in Kyle Field at 6:30 on SECN. This could be confusing – both wear maroon and white. Both have live mascots. Bully and Reveille? A bulldog and a princess. But Dak Prescott? Now he is scary. Are Mississippi State fans going to bring those damn cow bells?

Going to be a test – leave pennies!

BTHO Mississippi State. WHOOP!

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, Politics

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, Big 12, college football, Crimson Tide, Leonard Fournette, LSU, SEC, TCU, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies, The University

Monday, September 14, 2015 – May I Have The Pigskin Envelope Please?

Posted on September 14, 2015 | 1 comment

Monday, September 14, 2015 – May I Have The Pigskin Envelope Please?

Today we open the Monday after college football awards program with the largest award ever given.

To ESPN – I give the Screaming, Streaming, Scrambling, Where the hell did MY football game go Award? This goes to every programming executive and decision maker for making the worse decisions in the history of college TV football. Your asinine decisions caused fans to bunny hop to networks and stations many people do not receive and pay for streaming on your computer when it was originally on their TV for FREE. I hope your server melts with protests and the appropriate heads roll and get called on the proverbial carpet. This was wrong, wrong, wrong. Unless you want ESPN to stand for Extra Special Pissed Off Network, never do this again.

Since it was Cupcake Week there were many high scoring games. High Scores Awards go to:

Boston College 76 to O over Howard

Ole Miss – 73 to 21 over Fresno State

TCU – 70 to 7 over Stephen F. Austin

Texas Tech 69 to 20 over UTEP

Baylor – 66 to 31 over Lamar

Texas State – 63 to 24 over Prairie View A&M

Note to all: You do know these points do not carry over like your phone minutes? I am thinking Ole Miss, Baylor and TCU, you are going to need some of those points later.

The Defensive Award for the week goes to Uncle Will Muschamp and Auburn. It took Auburn an overtime and luck to beat Jacksonville State that only had a 2% chance of winning. Looking forward to seeing you in College Station in November. Did you know Texas A&M has a new defensive coordinator, Uncle Will? Perhaps you have heard of him – John Chavis?

Worst Uniforms Award goes to TCU. Were the jerseys supposed to look that way or did someone dump a 50 gallon drum of bleach into the laundry?

Worst Helmut Award goes to TCU also. Those looked like one of those sponge paintings on Pinterest done by a kindergarten craft class.

The Slow, Lethargic Start Award is shared between Baylor University and Alabama. Baylor – they are bears. It takes them awhile to get moving, but once they do…get out of the way. It took a bit of time for the Tide to Roll. The Tide appeared to be out as they did not score THAT many points against a cupcake team. I am afraid Alabama started three deep into the roster.

The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Ball State University for scheduling the first game home game in the newly renovated Kyle Field. Yes, the stadium holds more than most rural town populations in Texas.

Atrium at The Bush Library

Ball State also receives the Way to Hang Tough Award and Never Give Up Award. This is awarded even though the Aggies were four deep into their roster and I heard the Navasota Rattlers were about to suit up to finish the game.

The Young Frankenstein Award for It’s Alive! (as in the Big 12) goes to the Sooners of Oklahoma for defeating Tennessee in double OT.

The HEARD It Through the Grapevine Award goes to THE University of Texas at Austin. I think this is what the alumnae what to see. Don’t care if it was Rice. It built confidence. Stay Strong.

The Tumbling Tumbleweeds Award goes to every team who took a tumble in the rankings. Special Awards go to:

Oregon – Duck, Duck, SPARTAN!

The Corporal Maxwell Klinger, Holy Toledo Award goes to Toledo University for for turning Arkansas into bacon bits.

To the Georgia Bulldogs – A win over Vanderbilt and Miss America too!

And a special award goes to the wives and mothers of football players. I am calling this award The Penny Award because her husband played for LSU who defeated Mississippi State in the closing seconds. Next week her son’s team where he coaches, Northwestern State in Natchitoches, plays a really pissed off Bulldog team. Go Demons. And Penny? Go shopping and do not watch.

BTHO of Nevada. Who?