Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards
Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards are brought to you today by the word “amphigory.” Amphigory is a noun meaning “a meaningless or nonsensical piece of writing, especially one intended as a parody.” A quote – “it is the mother of all miscellanies, aka an amphigory, a medley, a pot-pourri, a gallimaufry, a salmagundi, and omnium-gatherum, a vade mecum, a smorgasbord. Robert McCrum, “God bless you Mr. Schott, The Guardian, December 7, 2002. (Dictionery.com)
Yes, all of those words will be on your assessment exam because they so describe Here’s What I’m Thinking and I have no idea what most of them mean. – Vade mecum?
But if that don’t describe the chaotic weekend of college football… Here is your ado, so further it by reading on.
To the horrible broadcasters of the Texas Aggie/Mississippi State game on the SECN – Brent Mushmouth and Jesse Palmer. What is the deal? Are you somebody’s brother-in-law? Son-in-law? Do you have video of people? I am not certain, Mr. Palmer, but I think you are supposed to give equal time to both teams. Did you not even pick up an A&M media guide? You get the Mute Button Award.
The Most Points Award goes to the Baylor Bears 63- 35 over Texas Tech. I do not think these bears are going into hibernation anytime soon.
However, it is a tie for Ugliest Uniforms between those bleached-out TCU lavender tops and the drab grey, olive and yellow uniforms of Baylor. Who is your uniform rep? Stevie Wonder?
There are several Poo-Poo Undies Awards that go to:
- Michigan State
- Ohio State
- Oklahoma State
For having close games and scaring the poo out of your fan base. That # 1 Spot is looking very shaky, Buckeyes. Larry Culpepper is watching.
FYI – It was accurratte, that the officials from The Big 12 apologized for the bad calls by the referees. They were not accurrette when they established the line of scrimmage. The Spell Check Award goes to The Big 12. Is that accurratte?
The Pepto-Bismol for Dismal Awards goes the teams that were upset: These are:
- UCLA – by Arizona State
- Ole Miss by Florida
- Notre Dame by Clemson
- The State of South Carolina by Floods
Speaking of Dismal – The Train wreck Award goes THE University of Texas. I have no other words to say save – it could get worse. OU+CH = OUCH next Saturday. Next week UT players can tweet at half-time and call for Uber to come pick them up and just head on over to the State Fair of Texas.
Auburn wins the Dionne Warwick award for knowing “the way to San Jose.” Now do you know the way back to the SEC?
The Rain and Let’s Build an Ark Awards goes to:
- Ole Miss vs Florida – the Florida team had the flu all week; the Swamp floods and the Rebels sink.
- Notre Dame vs Clemson – Death Valley floods and the Irish sink.
- Georgia vs. Alabama – The Tide was even Rising from the sky.
And to The Crimson Tide of Alabama I am giving them the William T. Sherman Award as they “…sing the jubilee; hoorah, hoorah, the flag that makes us free; while we sang a chorus from Atlanta to the sea – While they were marching Through Georgia.”
And to The Fighting Texas Aggies – I am awarding the Reveille is so much prettier than Bully Award. Not to mention she does not drool and she wears clothes.
The QB of the Game Award goes to Kyle Allen of Texas A&M. The stats on passing leaders:
- D. Prescott 20-34 for 210 yards.
- K. Allen 25-41 for 322 yards, 2 TDs.
Or as Palmer would say: Prescott was edged out by Allen.
The Aggies have an open date next Saturday and Alabama entertains the Pork and beans from Arkansas.
But then … Coming to Kyle Field on a station near you – Alabama vs Texas A&M – October 17. BTHO Alabama.