Monday, September 14, 2015 – May I Have The Pigskin Envelope Please?
Today we open the Monday after college football awards program with the largest award ever given.
To ESPN – I give the Screaming, Streaming, Scrambling, Where the hell did MY football game go Award? This goes to every programming executive and decision maker for making the worse decisions in the history of college TV football. Your asinine decisions caused fans to bunny hop to networks and stations many people do not receive and pay for streaming on your computer when it was originally on their TV for FREE. I hope your server melts with protests and the appropriate heads roll and get called on the proverbial carpet. This was wrong, wrong, wrong. Unless you want ESPN to stand for Extra Special Pissed Off Network, never do this again.
Since it was Cupcake Week there were many high scoring games. High Scores Awards go to:
Boston College 76 to O over Howard
Ole Miss – 73 to 21 over Fresno State
TCU – 70 to 7 over Stephen F. Austin
Texas Tech 69 to 20 over UTEP
Baylor – 66 to 31 over Lamar
Texas State – 63 to 24 over Prairie View A&M
Note to all: You do know these points do not carry over like your phone minutes? I am thinking Ole Miss, Baylor and TCU, you are going to need some of those points later.
The Defensive Award for the week goes to Uncle Will Muschamp and Auburn. It took Auburn an overtime and luck to beat Jacksonville State that only had a 2% chance of winning. Looking forward to seeing you in College Station in November. Did you know Texas A&M has a new defensive coordinator, Uncle Will? Perhaps you have heard of him – John Chavis?
Worst Uniforms Award goes to TCU. Were the jerseys supposed to look that way or did someone dump a 50 gallon drum of bleach into the laundry?
Worst Helmut Award goes to TCU also. Those looked like one of those sponge paintings on Pinterest done by a kindergarten craft class.
The Slow, Lethargic Start Award is shared between Baylor University and Alabama. Baylor – they are bears. It takes them awhile to get moving, but once they do…get out of the way. It took a bit of time for the Tide to Roll. The Tide appeared to be out as they did not score THAT many points against a cupcake team. I am afraid Alabama started three deep into the roster.
The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Ball State University for scheduling the first game home game in the newly renovated Kyle Field. Yes, the stadium holds more than most rural town populations in Texas.
Ball State also receives the Way to Hang Tough Award and Never Give Up Award. This is awarded even though the Aggies were four deep into their roster and I heard the Navasota Rattlers were about to suit up to finish the game.
The Young Frankenstein Award for It’s Alive! (as in the Big 12) goes to the Sooners of Oklahoma for defeating Tennessee in double OT.
The HEARD It Through the Grapevine Award goes to THE University of Texas at Austin. I think this is what the alumnae what to see. Don’t care if it was Rice. It built confidence. Stay Strong.
The Tumbling Tumbleweeds Award goes to every team who took a tumble in the rankings. Special Awards go to:
Oregon – Duck, Duck, SPARTAN!
The Corporal Maxwell Klinger, Holy Toledo Award goes to Toledo University for for turning Arkansas into bacon bits.
To the Georgia Bulldogs – A win over Vanderbilt and Miss America too!
And a special award goes to the wives and mothers of football players. I am calling this award The Penny Award because her husband played for LSU who defeated Mississippi State in the closing seconds. Next week her son’s team where he coaches, Northwestern State in Natchitoches, plays a really pissed off Bulldog team. Go Demons. And Penny? Go shopping and do not watch.
BTHO of Nevada. Who?