Tag Archives: Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

Friday, October 05, 2018 – The Friday Football Snark’s Schadenfreude

Posted on October 5, 2018 | 1 comment

Friday, October 05, 2018 – The Friday Football Snark’s Schadenfreude

Let’s get this schadenfreude started with the word of the day!

Schadenfreude is a noun meaning satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune. Let’s get the misfortune started early Saturday morning with:

Number 1 Alabama and number nothing Arkansas kickoff at 11:00 on ESPN. Tusk, the hog, will become Tusked, Miss Piggy by half time. The Tri Delt sorority flag football team will play the fourth quarter.

Also seeing lots of red on FOX it is the Red River Rivalry with #7 Oklahoma and # 19 THE University of Texas. “Murry, Murry, quite contrary, how many TDs will you throw?” Not happening, Sorry Horns.

Get the remote and set the screens for the 2:30 games. These are big ones.

Well, this one probably isn’t big to any groups save the fan bases. Baylor and Kansas State on FS1. Sic ‘Em Bears!

In a game of interest on ESPN it is #4 Clemson and number nothing Wake Forest. Wake Forest should pose no contest but you never know it could be Woke Forest.

On ESPN2 it is the number 25 Oklahoma State Cowboys and number nothing but always dangerous Iowa State. Mascots with names of dangerous weather patterns like cyclones or hurricanes should be banned. Also, Oklahoma State, please do not wear those ugly gray granny tights looking uniforms again. EVER!

But the biggest game of all is on CBS with #5 LSU and #22 Florida! GEAUX TIGERS! Mike the Tiger likes gator meat; tastes like chicken. I was taught early on to never pull for a team from Florida. The LSU/Florida would always be a three flasker for my uncles at the game. They would have a flask in each boot and one in each wives’ purse.

I made need the same number of flasks as Number 13 Kentucky and number nothing YET Texas A&M kick off on ESPN at 6:00. Big Blue Nation arrives in Kyle Field to meet Big Maroon 12th Man.

The University of Kentucky has three official mascots:

Blue — A live bobcat (note that in American English, “wildcat” generally refers to this particular mammal). He lives at the state-operated Salato Wildlife Education Center near Frankfort. Unlike the school’s two costumed mascots, he never attends games, because bobcats are very shy by nature and do not react well with large crowds.
- If you were a wildcat living in Kentucky wouldn’t you be very shy with crowds too?
The Wildcat — A costumed student, he made his debut in the 1976–77 school year.
- Anthropomorphic mascot. For the products of the Kentucky education systems it means “it ain’t real; it’s got on a costume; don’t shoot it.
Scratch — A later addition, he is a more child-friendly version of The Wildcat. Scratch wears his hat backwards, drinks Pepsi, and loves to party.
- There is a child-friendly wildcat?

KU fans are not able to agree on the mascot’s name either. From the unimaginative and obvious fans the mascot is called “Wildcat.” From the Possible Pepsi sponsors the mascot is called “Scratch.” Why didn’t they go with Blue – the name of their live bobcat? Sorry, I forgot. It’s Kentucky. You may be ranked number 13, but the Aggies will always be ahead of you with 12th Man.

I would be remiss if I did not include The Battle of the Piney Woods between two of my sheepskin document deliverers- Stephen F. Austin and Sam Houston State. Holding degrees from both institutions, I really have no preference as to the victor. Both schools sit “’neath Texas pines, where we’ve found peaceful shrines and every month is May.” Guess I do have a preference. Ax ‘Em Jacks! ESPN3 at 1:00

BTHO Kentucky! WHOOP!

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Tagged Big Blue Nation, college mascots, humor, Kentucky, Sam Houston State Bearkats, Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

Friday, August 31, 2018 – Snarky Friday

Posted on September 1, 2018 | Leave a comment

Friday, August 31, 2018 – Snarky Friday

Happy Snarky Football Friday. Last night we had the opportunity to see two schools’ fund raisers to fund their entire athletic department. Pistol Pete and the Cowboys of Oklahoma State beat Missouri State 58-17. That Mullet is looking good, Mike.

Kyle Field 8.30.18 Photo by KB

Of course my eyes were glued to the Texas Aggies versus Northwestern State. I told you, Demons, that Kyle Field was loud. Three false starts in a row on the first series. Twelfth Man.

Of course we all held our breath when Northwestern scored in the Fourth Quarter. So what if the Aggies were ahead 50+ to zero. Final score Aggies 59 and Northwestern 7 plus a large percentage the gate receipts like Missouri State gets.

In the horrible 11:00 AM spot on Saturday we have following games with teams who must have done something back to get stuck here.

In the O-State battle we find Ohio State and Oregon State on ABC. The Beavers and Suspension.

Also at the non-football game time of 11 am we find THE University of Texas and Maryland on FS 1. Was it really necessary to throw Texas coach, Tom Herman, under that bus because he went to a strip club with the domestic abuser? What are you trying to do? Go dot your “I” with a tuba, Ohio State.

Hotty Totty, God Almighty! On ESPN we have the Rebels of Old Miss and the Raiders of Texas Tech. I do not think you are allowed to throw tortillas at NRG Stadium in Houston or write graffiti on the buses, Tech.

The Sooners of Oklahoma and QB Kyler Murray take on FAU (whoever that is and I’m too lazy to look it up) on FOX. I hope Murray has gained some weight. When he played for Texas A&M, he looked like he was one tackle away from a body cast.

Clemson and Furman kickoff at 11:20 on ACC Network. Come on Furman Paladins. Hope Clemson is looking ahead to next week.

The dogs are let out at 2:30 when the Washington Huskies meet the Auburn Tigers. This could be big for both the PAC 12 and the SEC conferences. It’s on ABC.

Opposite on CBS we find the Georgia Bulldogs playing the Austin Peay Governors. UGA going to peay all over the Governors.

Speaking of bulldogs. At 6:30 on ESPNU it’s the Lumberjacks of Stephen F. Austin and the Mississippi State Bulldogs. I must root for SFA since I have papers from there. However, I fear that Bullie will pee on the pines before the Jacks can give them the Ax.

In the big game, the Tide comes rolling in as Alabama and Louisville kickoff at 7:00 on ABC. In a Snark closing, I would like to say the following to all of the sports mouths. Nick Saban will decide who starts at quarterback for Alabama. All of you mouths are just speculating. I’m sure if Coach Saban needs your input he will call you. Roll Tide.

Monday, September 12, 2016 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on September 12, 2016 | Leave a comment

Monday, September 12, 2016 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

I must admit that I did not watch as much college football as I usually do. Instead I attended a benefit for a high school friend aka a Still Magnolia. In the grand scheme of life I think friends are more important than football.

Nevertheless, The Buzzard Award goes to the referring crew who blew the call on the Oklahoma State – Central Michigan game. The play was dead and Central Michigan should not have had an opportunity to even try a Hail Mary with a lateral to score. OSU 27 Central Michigan 30. Referees zero. The referees also win The Suspension Bridge Award to celebrate their suspension.

buzzards-800x727

The Tide continues to Roll at the number one spot of the polls. I regret I was not able to see Coach Sabin’s head explode live and in real time. I am awarding you instead of the usual Willie Muschamp, the Exploding Head Coach Award. Didn’t you just hire that guy you were giving an old fashioned ass chewing?

2. Florida State – Do Not Care (DNC) at this time

3. Ohio State – DNC – I do not like those funny, pot looking leafy things on your helmets.

4. Michigan – DNC yet. So just Big Chill out.

5. Clemson wins The Helen of Troy Award. Just a touchdown shy of a beautiful upset. Troy 24 Clemson 30.

6. Houston – Shasta is looking pretty scary. Houston wins the Domino Pizza Award for shutting out Lamar 42-0. More dominoes to fall before Shasta is happy.

7. Stanford – Brainiacs had to study.

8.Washington – DNC but I will award you the Potato Award for your victory over Idaho 59-14.

9.Wisconsin – Onward Thru the Fog Wisconsin Award for the Badger win over Akron. 54-10

10.Louisville – I award Louisville the Funny Fluffy Orange Thing Award for its 62-28 win over Syracuse.

Otto the Orange

THE University of Texas – The Horns win the Remain Calm and Carry On Strong Award. Let’s remember you played UTEP and won 41-7, but there are several teams who have their eyes on The Eyes of Texas – like all of the Big 12.

Michigan State – DNC

Iowa – DNC

Oklahoma – The Sooners win A Duck Dynasty Camo award for a 50-17 win over UL Monroe.

Tennessee – The Vols over the Hokies of Va. Tech 45 to 24. DNC until Oct 8. Bring on Rocky Top and see how the Stands of Kyle sway.

Georgia – Did UGA go to sleep? The Dawgs win the Poo Poo Undies Award for surviving a scare from Nicholls 26-24. Nicholls, you win The Gumbo Award as the Boys from Thibeaux scared the poo out of the Dawgs.

Texas A&M – Great sideline coaching uniforms and great helmets to remember and honor September 11. Aggies win Best Uniform and Helmet Award. It was definitely a cupcake win over Prairie View at 67-0. Blinn was not available that weekend and PVA&M brings a larger student body and better band. From what I heard, PV also brings great fans. Aggies win the 12th Man Award because women’s basketball team and the Aggie Band were about to suit up and play the last quarter. Aggies are also awarded the William Blake, Tiger Tiger Burning Bright Watch Award as the bus travels to Auburn next Saturday.

Notre Dame – 39 to 10 over Nevada. Touchdown Jesus and Hail Mary full of Desert Award to the Irish.

Mississippi – Hotty Toddy win over Wofford. The Rebels win The Cupcake Award of the Week. Wofford? A private liberal arts college? What toddy goes with a cupcake?

LSU 34 – Jacksonville State 13. LSU wins the Frost Award because it has Miles to go before he sleeps. Tigers also win the You Better Step it up a Notch Award if you expect to win the SEC.

Baylor – Who picked the uniforms for you this week? Fifty-shades of Gray in Waco is not your color. Bears win Ugly Uniform Award for the week. The Baptists win over the SMU Methodists. Bears still need more than pony up for the Big 12.

Oregon – Who did you play? Oh yeah Virginia. Oregon wins the Cavalier Duck Award 44-26.

Florida – Really Don’t Care

Arkansas – The Baconators win The Purple Phrog Eaters Award for it double OT victory of TCU.

Miami – Really, super don’t care.

A few others of interest.

South Carolina 14 Miss. State 27. Uncle Will Muschamp wins the Erectile Dysfunction Award. It could a while before the Game Cocks rise again.

Stephen F Austin 30 Western Alabama 24 – Ax ‘Em Jacks! Can’t wait for the Battle of the Big Thicket!

Tuesday, September 1, 2015 – Assessment Practice

Posted on September 1, 2015 | 2 comments

Tuesday, September 1, 2015 – Assessment Practice

Good morning, class.

Before we begin instruction, it is time to take away from it to practice for the state assessment tests. Yesterday you were to define the following new vocabulary words:

Beer o’clock

Wine o’clock

Fatberg

Butt dial

Cat café

Cat café in Denver. Nothing like a cat walking across the table where you are about to eat.

Today, you must use at least four of them in a single sentence. For example, “It was late into beer o’clock at the cat café when Sally realized she butt dialed her exboyfriend so she just called him a fatberg and hung up.”

Remember all of your hopes and dreams of the future depend on how well you do on assessment tests. In addition your school really wants a big “A” assigned to it to hang in front so the world can see. Of course we know in the new accreditation scheme the “A” stands for Affluent. Therefore it you attend schools such as Highland Park in Dallas or THE Woodlands HS in THE Woodlands, you will have no trouble.

And in what little time left for instruction, ensure you are aware of the following for the weekend.

Kyle Allen – named starting quarterback for The Fighting Texas Aggies – WHOOP!

Tyrone Swoops – named starting quarterback for THE University of Texas – come one Tyrone, you got this! It is just a mural with a painting of Touchdown Jesus on the wall of the library. Hook the Irish!

In addition to following the SEC and the Big 12, this year the schools of The Southland Conference are added to teams I like. This includes two alma maters of mine – Stephen F. Austin State – Go Jacks! Sam Houston State – Go Bearcats and Northwestern State University. Northwestern is located in the beautiful town, named after the brother of Nacogdoches, Natchitoches, Louisiana. It is the home of the birth of my sister; and the Northwestern team is coached by Darryl Daye – a second cousin, I wish I could meet.

Of course these will be on the assessment practices on Monday. Remember – assessment over instruction.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged Big 12 Conference, Natchitoches, Northwestern, Sam Houston State University, SEC, Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks, Texas Aggies; football

Lent Day Eighteen

Posted on March 22, 2014 | Leave a comment

Lent Day Eighteen

Saturday, March 22, 2014 – Oh future bright, Neath the purple and white, all hail to SFA; Neath Texas pines, we have found peaceful shrines where every month is May. Long live our alma mater; honor to thee for aye; As years unfold happy memories we’ll hold; all hail to SFA. Yes, I still remember the words to the SFA school song. I can also say the Greek alphabet while holding a burning match and get to Omega before the flame burns out. Something else I learned at SFA besides the school song. VCU, you can kiss my axe! Last’s night’s game was one of those happy unfolding memories we’ll hold. Here’s to the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks first NCAA victory in what was an incredible and unbelievable basketball game. There have been no blow out victories in the tournament. In fact, there have been many “poopy undies victories,” because the favored, big name school was taken down to the final minutes or seconds before escaping with a win over a small school, but obviously powerful team. The NCAA women’s games begin today. The bracket of the POTUS has the Catholics playing the Baylor Baptists, I mean Bears, in the Elite Eight for the Championship of Notre Dame Region. We both have ND winning. He also has UConn and Texas A&M playing for the Championship of the Lincoln region. We both have UConn winning. Reveille, you can take down that Huskie. OK, maybe not. Maybe Gary Blair can bore Geno to victory. I have great admiration for Coach Blair, but dang he talks slow. The POTUS has ND and UConn in the Championship Game. I do too. The irresistible force and the immoveable object. Baring a major upset this will be the first in NCAA women’s basketball history where the final two teams come in undefeated. UConn will have one loss when the lights go out.