Tag Archives: Baylor

Monday, October 26, 2015 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 26, 2015 | 3 comments

Monday, October 26, 2015 – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards

The Here’s What I’m Thinking Monday after Saturday College Football Awards are brought to you today by the word: “kakistocracy.” It is a noun meaning a government by the worst persons, a form of government in which the worst persons are in power. Since ever one seems to think the worst persons are already in the government or are running for office, I wanted to offer enlightenment and new vocabulary words to all sides. Please feel free to use this and any other intelligent sounding words, since none of you seem to have many to start with.

Ghosts. Goblins. Warlocks and Witches. And Halloween is still a week away. This was a most strange weekend in college football.

Let’s begin with the Flood Bowls along Interstate 35 and travel north.

While the rains and floods may have inundated Austin and DKR Memorial Stadium, there were several bright spots of hope and sunshine. THE University wins the Lazerous Award appearing to rise from the dead.

I asked my roomie to take a picture and I would post it when THE University began a winning streak. This was earlier in the season because she has the good sense to come in out of the rain.

Photo by Martha 2015 – aka Roomie

Moving north where the rains were really falling over McClain Stadium in Waco, The Bears win the “45 points are the new 60 plus in the rain.” I hope The Committee in November has a Flood Criteria. It is Baylor and the Baptists do like a good dunking, but that was an Ark building flood.

Oklahoma had no problem with Texas Tech. Coach Kliff, what’s with the new hairdo? I am not current on the fashion trends coming out of Lubbock but that new hair cut looks like an Aggie Fish Corp of Cadets haircut – a bad one. Was your hair, or lack of it, supposed to look that way?

The Michael Jackson Thriller Award is shared by Auburn and Arkansas and Duke and Virginia Tech. What are the odds there would be two games with four overtimes? What are the odds of that happening? Please have Dr. Sheldon Cooper do the math.

The Yogi Berra – It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over Award goes to The Rambling Wrecks from Georgia Tech who rambled down the field after a Florida State missed field goal that would have won the game. Georgia Tech ran for the winning touchdown as time expired.

The Utah Utes fall from the undefeated ranks as the USC Trojans opened a lethal virus on them. The Utes win the Beware the Trojan Horse Award.

To the Texas Aggies, I award the Hotty Toddy and Kiss my Magnolia Blossom Award because the Ole Miss Rebels certainly did.

To Kyler Murray I am awarding the Coach/Player Etiquette Book of Football Practice Manners. Screaming the F word to and about your offensive coordinator during practice is indeed a bench sitting practice issue.

The Aggies also receive the Free Tire and Wheel Check because the wheels are coming off the bus again.

Perhaps I should post a classified ad in the newspaper or post something on Craig’s List. WANTED: Quarterback. Please send video and application to The Texas Athletic Department; Attn: K. Sumlin.

And last, but not least – to the Alabama Crimson Tide, I award The Poopy Undies Award, the CPR Award and The Survivor Award for the fourth quarter comeback win over Tennessee. You also win The Doors and Jim Morrison’s The Alabama Song that is also known As The Whiskey Bar. I know this is how you felt while in Knoxville and upon leaving Saturday night. Something tells me you were not drinking Tennessee bourbon at the Whiskey Bar.

The Alabama Song

Well, show me the way To the next whiskey bar

Oh, don’t ask why Oh, don’t ask why

Show me the way To the next whiskey bar

Oh, don’t ask why Oh, don’t ask why

For if we don’t find The next whiskey bar I tell you we must die I tell you we must die I tell you,

I tell you I tell you we must die

Oh, moon of Alabama

We now must say goodbye

We’ve lost our good old mama

And must have whiskey Oh, you know why!

Just think – next Saturday is Halloween. Be ready for anything.

Finally, to Oklahoma State and Delaware University as tragedies marred both of their homecoming parades. All are in our thoughts.

Thank you Kristen for the picture. I am sad for all of you and the Cowboy Nation.

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Posted in College Football

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, Crimson Tide, LSU, Oklahoma State University, Ole Miss, Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies, Texas Aggies; football, The Doors, The University of Texas

Friday, October 23, 2015 – The Friday Before Saturday College Football

Posted on October 23, 2015 | Leave a comment

Friday, October 23, 2015 – The Friday Before Saturday College Football – Game On

First – my apology to Myles Garrett for misspelling his name last week.

The Schedule today begins with The Rain Barrel Bowls up and down Texas Interstate 35.

Starting in Austin and playing @ 11:00 on Fox 1 is THE University of Texas and Kansas State. Tell the Wildcats they are no longer in Kansas and give them a good hooking of the Horns. I have your photograph ready to post Roomie signifying a home win and winning streak for the Horns in DKR Memorial Stadium! Stay Strong and get it done!

Traveling north to Waco we find the Iowa State Weather Patterns visiting Waco and playing Baylor @ 11:00 on ESPN. I understand one is to wear green and gold depending on your ticket location. This will make McLane Stadium green and gold striped. I know you can get yellow (gold) rain slickers at Academy, but can you get green rain slickers? Is Nike working on that? Surely with that many uniforms and shades of green Nike has got something in the warehouse they can Fed-Ex to Waco for the fans.

Crossing the state line into Norman along I-35 we find Oklahoma and Texas Tech @ 2:30 on ESPN2. I wonder what Baker and Stoops and Coach Kliff and the Red Raiders have planned against and up their respectively sleeves besides a rough history.

Taking a right turn and headed toward Stillwater we find the Cowboys of Oklahoma State playing Kansas @ 2:30 on Fox 1 and slowing creeping up in the Big 12. Go Pokes. It’s Kansas. Remember they play basketball like Kentucky does.

Remember there are only 10 teams in the Big 12 and eight are playing. So that leaves TCU and WVa having the weekend off.

Now to the games that actually have meaning (the only ones worth watching) so that means the SEC teams because Ohio State plays Rutgers.

Opposite the Rain Barrel Bowls on the SECN @ 11:00 am will be Auburn and Arkansas with last place up for grabs in the SEC West. Do you like bacon on your burger Uncle Will Muschamp?

What once could have been interesting is now Alabama and Tennessee in Tuscaloosa @ 2:30. Oh no – the game is on CBS. I hope you do not get the Can’t Broadcast S##% announcers. Turn on the radio broadcast to avoid.

And going out with The Tide here is a little Thank You shout out to Coach Sabin regarding last week’s visit to Aggieland –

“You know, this is the first place we’ve played for a long, long time, that we never got booed when we came out,” Saban said. “First place. I’m telling you. It’s a really nice facility. They had 105,000 people. And they cheered their tail off for their team. And they made it hard for us to play.” ESPN quotes somewhere on their application.

At 3:00 on the SEC Network will be another game for last place in the SEC East with Missouri and Vanderbilt. Take a nap, but be up and ready for the only games of competition beginning at 6:00.

On ESPNU @ 6:00 we find Western Kentucky visiting Baton Rouge hosted by Leonard Fournette’s team the LSU Tigers. Run Leonard run. With each step you get a bit closer to going to New York to get a big trophy.

At 6:30 in another game of why are play this team? This is Mississippi State and Kentucky on the SECN. This is not Western Kentucky which I suppose is geographically west of the Kentucky that Mississippi State is playing. I understand the men’s basketball team at Kentucky is quite good. Yes – Number 1.

At 6:30 on Fox is the Utah Utes (I just love saying that) and USC Trojans in Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. If Utah should become number two in The Committee’s ranking in November, will they be “the two Utes?” (My Cousin Vinny)

But the only game of significance is the Cutbirth Bowl (as in William Cutbirth Faulkner) on ESPN from Oxford Mississippi @ 6:00 when the Ole Miss Rebels host The Fighting Texas Aggies. It is an elimination game for the SEC West title. Should make visits to Baton Rouge interesting for both teams. But one game at a time.

So Howdy Damnit and Hotty Toddy and BTHO Ole Miss.

Monday, October 19, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 19, 2015 | 1 comment

Monday, October 19, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards – The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards post is sponsored today by the word “interception.” It is a noun that means when the quarterback of your team throws the ball to the other team. Synonyms include, but are not limited to “damn it”, “Oh S#$%”, “holy S#$%.and other words unfit to print.

Before we start the ado and further it, a huge thank you to the Hoke and Ellis families for such a great tailgating experience. Can’t wait for the next one.
The first award is the Rip Tide Award and goes to the Alabama Crimson Tide for rolling over Texas A&M like a hurricane named Henry.

The Governor’s Reprieve Award goes to the Texas A&M offense who could not execute on given Bama opportunities.

The Pepto Bismal Award goes to Ole Miss for being upset by Memphis. Thank you Memphis for suddenly making the SEC West much more interesting.

The Ugliest Uniform Award is a tie between Oregon and Baylor. Oregon, you looked like green peas running around on the field. And Baylor – Gray? It is unattractive for being # 2. Ohio State – as in still #1 – can wear gray because it is their school color. Yours is not gray – it is gold and green, which begs the question – Does Nike have a building that just makes 50 shades of green for Baylor and Oregon?

The High Point Award for scoring the most points goes to Baylor. Yawn! 62-to 38 over West Virginia.

The You Can’t Get There from Norman Award and the We Would Have Come Sooner Award goes to Oklahoma for the team’s 8 hour flight delay to K-State. Sooners win second place for points scored. OU – 55- K-State – 0.

The Halloween Creeping Up on You Award goes to Oklahoma State University. The Cowboys are quietly creeping up in the Big 12 with a 6-0 record.

The Yogi Berra Award for It Ain’t Over Until It’s Over goes to the Michigan State Spartans for defeating Michigan (Big Blue) on a last second fumbled punt scooped up Michigan State to score the winning touchdown as time expired.

And the next to the last award as I step onto my soapbox – goes to – CBS and the broadcast team of Verne Lunquist and Gary DumbAss – whatever your name is. YOU TWO ARE TERRIBLE! You make Brent Musberger and Jesse Palmer look like award winning journalists. When was the last time you called a football game, Mr. Lunquist? – The Four Horsemen of Notre Dame?

No wonder during the Bowl and Playoff Season the CBS share of the sports market looks like this.

It is because of dinosaurs like you. Here is only a few reasons why you should be fired, let go with pension, retire, whatever – just be out of town before sundown.

You did not know the rules thus missing many calls.
You did not do your homework and could only discuss the 2012 Alabama/Texas A&M game. Here’s What I’m Thinking had more history between Texas A&M and Alabama than you mentioned during the entire game.
You are supposed to be objective. Therefore when the defense, as in Texas A&M, makes a good play, one does not say “Alabama made a mistake.”
Johnny Manziel no longer attends Texas A&M and Lunquist you said it on air – “on behalf of CBS it should mentioned and “I think so too” and then proceeded to discuss issue recent issue with Johnny Manziel. In addition to – you are not paid to report the news; you had the facts incorrect when you inappropriately mentioned it.

Neither of you is paid to THINK. What are you psychic? You do not know what anybody is thinking. For example – Gary Dumbass saying at least three times on kick offs – “I think he should have run the ball out of the end zone. That was wrong.” No one cares what you think, Gary.

In addition don’t criticize the players, coaches referees by saying things such as “Well that was the quarterback, coaches’, referees, any other players fault!”

In addition, Gary Dumbass, I do not need nor want to hear a 20 second (yes, I timed it) diatribe on quarterback efficiency numbers and how they are calculated. I do not care. Do you get paid by the number of words you utter?

You are paid to tell me what is going on down on the football field. If either of you were paid to think and criticize you would not be sitting the announcer’s booth saying stupid things while reading from a prepared script left over from 2012.

So I award the two of you the CBS Award for making College Broadcasts that Suck.

And last I award myself – Great Tailgate pictures for capturing a pic of Coach Sumlin,

Coach Kevin Sumlin – Spirit Walk – Texas A&M v Alabama 10.17.2015

Miles Garrett – Spirit Walk – Texas A&M vs Alabama 10.17.2015

The Commandant leading the Corp March In

The Fight Texas Aggie Band

E2 Company – Revellie in lower left corner.

and even Miss Reveille at parade rest.

It seems I was able to catch everything except a Kyle Allen pass.

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, Native Texan

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, CBS Sports, college football, Crimson Tide, Oklahoma State University, Ole Miss, SEC, Texas, Texas Aggies; football, Verne Lunquist

Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 12, 2015 | 2 comments

Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards –

Our awards today are sponsored by the article “A” for those who become scared when they see large, unfamiliar words and stop reading.

The first award is the Class Act Award. This award goes to LSU’s Leonard Fournette for his articulate and well-done post-game interview showing his support for the people of South Carolina and offering his game jersey up for auction with proceeds going toward the flood relief efforts. Perhaps every impact player in the SEC could make an offer.

LSU wins the Best Southern Hospitality Award for being the Visiting Team in Baton Rouge. I thought it was most hospitable for the Tiger Band to play the Gamecock Alma Mater and Fight Song – Especially when you spelled L-S-U on the field while playing them. Sweet.

I suppose no one cared enough to notice last Friday that I got Lawrence and Manhattan, locations of Kansas and Kansas State, respectively, backwards. It obviously did not impact Baylor who gets a Most Points Scored Award for blowing away Kansas 66-7. I did not watch the game in its entirety. Did Kansas score during a Baylor timeout or before Baylor returned to the field after half-time? Note to Kansas – Basketball season officially begins next weekend.

TCU obviously was as confused as I was on Saturday since the Frogs did not show up ONCE again until the closing moments of the game. You win A Poo Poo Undies Award for scaring your fan base and an Activate the Boykin Magic Award. But the magic is becoming shaky causing a Poll Phrog Slipping.

To THE University of Texas, I award The Win One for the BEVO Award for beating Oklahoma. BEVO – I do hope you are feeling better because the team, the coach, THE University and the alums certainly are. Way to go. If you only do it once, this was the game to do it!

To the OU Kicker – Teal Shoes? Fashion Blooper Award going toed you!

The Offensive Fun Fest Award goes to Texas Tech and Iowa State for scoring 66 and 31 points respectively. Uncle Will Muschamp, have you looked at either of these schools? They don’t seem to play much defense either, so may you could be there.

Oklahoma State – you once again receive a Poo-Poo Undies Award to having to win it again in OT.

The Ugly Uniform Award goes to The University of Tennessee. I would never Volunteer to wear that. You looked like orange highlighters or characters from the science fiction movie Tron.

To the Nebraska Cornhuskers – you receive The Heartbreak Again Award for losing for the fourth time in the final seconds of the game as Wisconsin kicked a field goal.

The Individual Heartbreak Award goes to Georgia running back Nick Chubb. Hope you are back in action soon.

The Award for Suddenly on the Radar for teams I did not care about in the beginning, but do now is shared by the following:

Michigan – Wolverine Rising.
Utah – This is the non-Mormon, or Mormon Alternative to the other one – BYU.
Clemson – Tigers
Oklahoma State – 5 – 0. Go Pokes! Pistol Pete is silently slipping up on teams.
Florida – Chomping in The Swamp.

And last and certainly not least this week for sure:

The Crimson Tide of Alabama rose over those pesky Razorbacks finally drowning them in fourth quarter to win 27-14. This week I award The Tide the Columbus Day, Rand McNally, MapQuest, GPS, and all Navigational Systems Award.

And all points are set toward College Station, Texas and Kyle Field. Your arrival time is estimated to be five days and 43 minutes. Turn left on George Bush Blvd. Your destination is the gigantic stadium on your right. Have a nice day.

And now a Dr. Hunter check for understanding. Our word today was the article “A.” Please give a word that begins with that letter.

ALABAMA.

Good.

Now use it in a sentence.

BTHO ALABAMA!

EXCELLENT!

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Posted in College Football, Native Texan

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, LSU, SEC, TCU, Texas Aggies; football, Texas Tech, University of Texas

Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on October 5, 2015 | Leave a comment

Monday, October 5, 2015 – Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards are brought to you today by the word “amphigory.” Amphigory is a noun meaning “a meaningless or nonsensical piece of writing, especially one intended as a parody.” A quote – “it is the mother of all miscellanies, aka an amphigory, a medley, a pot-pourri, a gallimaufry, a salmagundi, and omnium-gatherum, a vade mecum, a smorgasbord. Robert McCrum, “God bless you Mr. Schott, The Guardian, December 7, 2002. (Dictionery.com)

Yes, all of those words will be on your assessment exam because they so describe Here’s What I’m Thinking and I have no idea what most of them mean. – Vade mecum?

But if that don’t describe the chaotic weekend of college football… Here is your ado, so further it by reading on.

To the horrible broadcasters of the Texas Aggie/Mississippi State game on the SECN – Brent Mushmouth and Jesse Palmer. What is the deal? Are you somebody’s brother-in-law? Son-in-law? Do you have video of people? I am not certain, Mr. Palmer, but I think you are supposed to give equal time to both teams. Did you not even pick up an A&M media guide? You get the Mute Button Award.

The Most Points Award goes to the Baylor Bears 63- 35 over Texas Tech. I do not think these bears are going into hibernation anytime soon.

However, it is a tie for Ugliest Uniforms between those bleached-out TCU lavender tops and the drab grey, olive and yellow uniforms of Baylor. Who is your uniform rep? Stevie Wonder?

There are several Poo-Poo Undies Awards that go to:

Michigan State
Ohio State
Oklahoma State

For having close games and scaring the poo out of your fan base. That # 1 Spot is looking very shaky, Buckeyes. Larry Culpepper is watching.

FYI – It was accurratte, that the officials from The Big 12 apologized for the bad calls by the referees. They were not accurrette when they established the line of scrimmage. The Spell Check Award goes to The Big 12. Is that accurratte?

The Pepto-Bismol for Dismal Awards goes the teams that were upset: These are:

UCLA – by Arizona State
Ole Miss by Florida
Notre Dame by Clemson
The State of South Carolina by Floods

Speaking of Dismal – The Train wreck Award goes THE University of Texas. I have no other words to say save – it could get worse. OU+CH = OUCH next Saturday. Next week UT players can tweet at half-time and call for Uber to come pick them up and just head on over to the State Fair of Texas.

Auburn wins the Dionne Warwick award for knowing “the way to San Jose.” Now do you know the way back to the SEC?

The Rain and Let’s Build an Ark Awards goes to:

Ole Miss vs Florida – the Florida team had the flu all week; the Swamp floods and the Rebels sink.
Notre Dame vs Clemson – Death Valley floods and the Irish sink.
Georgia vs. Alabama – The Tide was even Rising from the sky.

And to The Crimson Tide of Alabama I am giving them the William T. Sherman Award as they “…sing the jubilee; hoorah, hoorah, the flag that makes us free; while we sang a chorus from Atlanta to the sea – While they were marching Through Georgia.”

And to The Fighting Texas Aggies – I am awarding the Reveille is so much prettier than Bully Award. Not to mention she does not drool and she wears clothes.

The QB of the Game Award goes to Kyle Allen of Texas A&M. The stats on passing leaders:

D. Prescott 20-34 for 210 yards.
K. Allen 25-41 for 322 yards, 2 TDs.

Or as Palmer would say: Prescott was edged out by Allen.

The Aggies have an open date next Saturday and Alabama entertains the Pork and beans from Arkansas.

But then … Coming to Kyle Field on a station near you – Alabama vs Texas A&M – October 17. BTHO Alabama.

Friday, October 2, 2015 – Snarky Friday Football and Big Boy Pants

Posted on October 2, 2015 | 1 comment

Friday, October 2, 2015 – Snarky Friday Football and Big Boy Pants

This weekend is time for the college football teams to put on their big boy pants. Jeb Bush was not referring to football when he said he would be putting on his big boy pants. (Such articulate presidential candidates we have.) He was referring to Donald Trump’s comments about him and Marc Rubio. Still I suppose that is better than Donald Trump screaming bull!#$% during a professional speech. What a diplomat he will make. But back to football.

Campus tour 7.5.2014 2014-07-05 099 (800x600)

Intellectual salon of College Station where Texas A&M students and Former Students spend hours drinking in knowledge.

These are the games that have meaning. These are the teams that can upset the best offensives and defenses. These are the games that begin to count toward championships, trophies and bowl games. Now it is time to bring “Your “A” GAME”’ to every game.

Our Saturday morning begins with THE University of Texas vs TCU @ 11:00AM on ABC from Fort Worth. Could be a bloody Mary morning for either team and on national TV too! Fear the Frog and Hook’ em Hippies! Stay Strong. You can do this!

Don’t forget to toggle over to West Virginia and Oklahoma on Fox1 @ 11:00. Time to start looking at the Sooners and the Mountaineers.

The 2:30 time slot goes to Texas Tech and Baylor on ESPN2. Should be a high flying, big scoring game in Arlington at Jerry World. Watch out Baylor; Coach Kliff always has something up his GQ sleeve. There is always the State Fair and fried butter.

But the 2:30 time slot of great interest goes to the TIDE of Alabama and the Bulldogs of Georgia on CBS in Athens. Athens – so named after the ancient Grecian city. Watch out for Poseidon – the ancient Greek god of the water. Poseidon carries a three-pronged weapon called the Trident. It can create earthquakes, tsunamis and destructive tidal waves.

Poseidon was also known to cause certain forms of mental disturbance. I guarantee you that if this Poseidon Adventure turns Alabama and the Crimson Tide upside down, and they lose 2 games, there will be all forms of mental disturbances in Alabama and in the SEC.

At 3:00 one can watch Kansas State University and Oklahoma State University from Stillwater (that is in Oklahoma) on Fox 1. One can also tune into San Jose and Auburn on the SECN. Or one can take a nap in preparation for the six o’clock time slots.

I guarantee Uncle Will Muschamp and New England poet named Auburn Tigers – if you take this game long and into the Aggies’ game that follows, we will come after you!

Better be up and prepared for the 6:00 games. How many screens do you have? All of these games could be worth watching. I have a smart phone; two tablets, four TV’s and ESPN3.

Arkansas and Tennessee at 6:00 on ESPN2 from Knoxville. Coulda, shoulda woulda been a good programming move early in the season, but now I bet ESPN executives wish they could switch to LSU and Eastern Michigan. (Read: bigger viewing audience = more$$$= more exposure for LSU’s Leonard F.)

LSU/Eastern Michigan @ 6:00 on ESPNU from Baton Rouge. Run Leonard Run! Leonard Fournette is fun to watch.

Ole Miss and Florida @ 6:30 on ESPN from Gainesville. Let’s see if the Rebels bring their waders to the Gators in The Swamp. Never trust a team from Florida.

And The Fighting Texas Aggies host the Mississippi Bulldogs in Kyle Field at 6:30 on SECN. This could be confusing – both wear maroon and white. Both have live mascots. Bully and Reveille? A bulldog and a princess. But Dak Prescott? Now he is scary. Are Mississippi State fans going to bring those damn cow bells?

Going to be a test – leave pennies!

BTHO Mississippi State. WHOOP!

1 Comment

Posted in College Football, Politics

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, Big 12, college football, Crimson Tide, Leonard Fournette, LSU, SEC, TCU, Texas A&M, Texas Aggies, The University

Monday, September 28, 2015 – A College Football Weekend for the Ages

Posted on September 28, 2015 | Leave a comment

Monday, September 28, 2015 – A College Football Weekend for the Ages

It was indeed a college football weekend for the ages. I know the Aggie/Arkansas game alone aged me at least two years. With the chaos that reigned, we do not need an ado to further, so here are my Here’s What I’m Thinking Monday after Saturday College Football Awards.

Our Monday after Saturday College Football Awards post is brought to you by the word “minimax.”

No, minimax does not refer to the old chain of grocery stores in the South. Neither does it refer to a feminine hygiene product. It is a “noun that means a strategy of game theory employed to minimize a player’s maximum loss.

This is the principle of minimax: assume that the worst may happen and act accordingly; remember that lightening always strikes twice in the same place. This is a basic law known to all successful gamblers. William S. Burroughs, The Adding Machine, Selected Essays, 1993.” Sunday’s Word of the Day – Dictionary.com

It was also the game strategy employed by the Arkansas Razorbacks against Texas A&M. But first, please have the following teams line up to receive The Poo Poo Undies Award. This award is given to the following teams for scaring the crap out of its fans and/or for just crapping out completely.

LSU – Otto the Orange proved much harder to squeeze that originally thought.
TCU
Texas Tech
THE University of Texas
Oklahoma State University
Texas A&M
Ole Miss – Really? Vanderbilt? BTW – Vandy, you get The Ugly Helmet Award. How many more designs can you put on a football helmet?
Alabama – not exactly scary, but the Tide is still a bit low.
Oregon

Please have all of the centers and kickers – yes field goal and punters – line up for The What’s the Point Award for missing crucial field goals and extra points or creating safeties.

Otto the Orange from Syracuse
Texas Tech
THE University of Texas
Texas A&M

The Most Points Scored Award goes to Baylor University. Yes, 70 to 17 is impressive, but it was still Rice. But given the way the other Big 12 teams are playing maybe it’s all gravy from here on out for the Bears.

The Duck Duck Gone Award goes to Oregon for losing to the soaring Utah Utes.

The Dumbass: Do Your Homework Award goes to the half-time announcer who asked “What’s a Ute?” The University of Utah uses Ute as a nickname with permission from the Native American Utes Tribal Council. In 1996, again with permission from the Ute Tribal Council, Utah introduced “Swoop” – a red-tailed hawk, a bird indigenous to the state of Utah.

Speaking of Ducks, the Tide Rolled over the Duck Dynasty from UL Monroe. The Tide still seems to be low and/or rolling out. Ouch – AP Poll Ranking – # 13 – with Georgia in Athens this weekend. UGA!

The Free Falling/Uncle Will Muschamp Defense Award goes once again this week to Auburn. This is what happens when your mascot is named after a dopy New England poet.

The Why Are You Still in the Top 5/6 Award is shared by TCU and Notre Dame. Really? I know the Frogs are injured and barely hopping, and you barely won

On a botched snap by Texas Tech that resulted in a safety
On a freak Tippy Tippy Bang Bang in the last seconds
You almost allow The Band play with multiple laterals and
Your defense allowed 52 points from an unranked team.

And Notre Dame? Just because the Pope has been in the United States does not mean you should be in The Top 10.

And to THE University of Texas – Yes, the refs were from The School for Blind and Visually Impaired; yes, there are still many burnt orange bright spots, but I must give the Horns the Streets of Laredo Award:

So beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly and

play the death march as they carry me along.

The award for Does this Three -Point Margin of Victory Make my Ass Look Big? goes to TCU and Coach Gary Patterson.

Two individual awards this week: First to the Texas Tech quarterback Patrick Mahomes for heroic and knee hurting courage to give your all.

And to Leonard Fournette of LSU I am giving the Wow, You Are Fun to Watch Run Award. Could there be another Heisman Award headed toward the LSU Tiger trophy case?

And now may I have the final awards’ package?

Arkansas – the state that gives us Mike Huckabee and The Clintons.

Minimax – “noun that means a strategy of game theory employed to minimize a player’s maximum loss.

Was this your coaching strategy, Coach Bielema? Playing keep away from the opponent’s offense almost worked. The thing about the hurry up and spread offensive is – when you don’t have the ball, the other team scores quickly and often.

The Assume the Worst May Happen Award goes to Coach Bret Bielema of Arkansas. The worst did happen.

The Poise under Pressure Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies.

Lighting Always Strikes Twice in the Same Place Award goes to The Fighting Texas Aggies.

So it wasn’t exactly an “ass-kicking in Dallas.” I guess you are saving yourself for the remainder of the SEC.

Stop Whining: You Lost – Maximum Loss Award goes to the Razorbacks of Arkansas. See you next year.

Friday, September 25, 2015 – Snarky Friday Football

Posted on September 25, 2015 | 6 comments

Friday, September 25, 2015 – Snarky Friday Football

My weekend teams and Here’s What I’m Thinking about them.

Georgia v Southern @ 11:00 AM on SEC – Sanford Stadium, Athens, Georgia

UGA, UGA, YUKA to 11:00 AM games. One has to start so early to be drunk by that time.

LSU v Syracuse – @ 11:00 on ESPN – Carrier Dome, Syracuse, NY

The Syracuse mascot is an anthropomorphic orange. Who besides me, Dr. Sheldon Cooper and the DeMarsion know the meaning of “anthropomorphic?” The Orange’s name is Otto. Otto the Orange. (Just Google it)

The LSU mascot is a live Tiger. The Tiger’s name is Mike the Tiger.

http://www.mikethetiger.com/pictures.php Mike the Tiger eats oranges like grapes. Otto the Orange – oh I can’t stop laughing.

Northwestern v University of Central Arkansas @ 11:00 AM on ESPN3 @ Turpin Stadium – Natchitoches, La.

Well, one team will have a win in the W column.

Baylor v Rice @ 2:00 on Fox Sports @ McLane Stadium – Waco, TX

Do you have the same scheduler as TCU and Ohio State? You are aware The Committee is watching. So is Larry Culpepper, the Dr. Pepper guy. I think he has the deciding vote.

Ohio State v Western Michigan @ 2:30 on ESPN2 – Ohio Stadium – Columbus, Ohio.

See above about The Committee watching. I am thinking the Buckeyes better buck up and show some points on the scoreboard.

THE University of Texas v Oklahoma State @ 2:30 on ESPN @ DKR Memorial Stadium – Austin, TX.

Cowboys v Longhorns – a clash of the oranges – not Otto – Depends on who shows up.

Alabama v UL Monroe @ 3:00 on SEC – Bryant-Denny Stadium – Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Pretty sure the Tide is going to roll over the Duck Dynasty. Watch out for the tsunami.

Texas Tech v TCU @ 3:45 on Fox @ Jones AT&T Stadium, Lubbock, Texas

Beware The Wayward Wind. It’s a restless win. Coach Kliff is in an ass-kicking mood and TCU is playing the ghosts of the Southwest Conference.

Vanderbilt v Ole Miss @ 6:00 on ESPNU @ Vaught-Hemingway Stadium , Oxford, MS

Given that William Cutbirth Faulkner is one of my favorite authors and one of the greatest Southern writers in American Literature, it would only be natural that I would selection Faulkner residential writing home of Oxford as the possible winning team; this of course is because in all honesty Vanderbilt should be playing Rice whereas the two academic powerhouses can play on a level playing field.

The above sentence is understood by those who read WCF and English/American Lit Majors.

Mississippi State v Auburn @ 6:30 on ESPN2 @ Jordan-Hare Stadium – Auburn, Alabama

Go Bulldogs. Uncle Will, we are so looking forward to your visit in College Station. We wanted you to know College Station topped the list of most exciting towns in Texas yesterday. Really!

http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/College-Station-named-6524394.php

Texas A&M v Arkansas @ 6:00 on ESPN – @ AT&T Stadium, Arlington, TX

This is the start of SEC play. A&M almost ran out of time last year. Texas Tech has pissed off the Hogs.

In honor of Texas Tech kicking ass last weekend with their hurry up, spread offense, I am proposing that Aggies wear our Ray-Bans to be cool like and in honor of Coach Kliff and the hurry up, spread offense to help remind Arkansas of last week. FYI – Arkansas, the Aggies run a hurry up, spread office and the Aggies have a defense.

Oh yes – here are some special uniforms designs.

http://www.goodbullhunting.com/rcb05/2015/9/23/9379285/aggies-texas-am-special-uniform-arkansas-bielema-photoshop

BTHO Arkansas

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Posted in College Football

Tagged Auburn, Baylor, College Station, Kliff Kingsbury, LSU football, Oklahoma State University, TCU, Texas, Texas Tech, The University of Texas

Monday, September 14, 2015 – May I Have The Pigskin Envelope Please?

Posted on September 14, 2015 | 1 comment

Monday, September 14, 2015 – May I Have The Pigskin Envelope Please?

Today we open the Monday after college football awards program with the largest award ever given.

To ESPN – I give the Screaming, Streaming, Scrambling, Where the hell did MY football game go Award? This goes to every programming executive and decision maker for making the worse decisions in the history of college TV football. Your asinine decisions caused fans to bunny hop to networks and stations many people do not receive and pay for streaming on your computer when it was originally on their TV for FREE. I hope your server melts with protests and the appropriate heads roll and get called on the proverbial carpet. This was wrong, wrong, wrong. Unless you want ESPN to stand for Extra Special Pissed Off Network, never do this again.

Since it was Cupcake Week there were many high scoring games. High Scores Awards go to:

Boston College 76 to O over Howard

Ole Miss – 73 to 21 over Fresno State

TCU – 70 to 7 over Stephen F. Austin

Texas Tech 69 to 20 over UTEP

Baylor – 66 to 31 over Lamar

Texas State – 63 to 24 over Prairie View A&M

Note to all: You do know these points do not carry over like your phone minutes? I am thinking Ole Miss, Baylor and TCU, you are going to need some of those points later.

The Defensive Award for the week goes to Uncle Will Muschamp and Auburn. It took Auburn an overtime and luck to beat Jacksonville State that only had a 2% chance of winning. Looking forward to seeing you in College Station in November. Did you know Texas A&M has a new defensive coordinator, Uncle Will? Perhaps you have heard of him – John Chavis?

Worst Uniforms Award goes to TCU. Were the jerseys supposed to look that way or did someone dump a 50 gallon drum of bleach into the laundry?

Worst Helmut Award goes to TCU also. Those looked like one of those sponge paintings on Pinterest done by a kindergarten craft class.

The Slow, Lethargic Start Award is shared between Baylor University and Alabama. Baylor – they are bears. It takes them awhile to get moving, but once they do…get out of the way. It took a bit of time for the Tide to Roll. The Tide appeared to be out as they did not score THAT many points against a cupcake team. I am afraid Alabama started three deep into the roster.

The Welcome Wagon Award goes to Ball State University for scheduling the first game home game in the newly renovated Kyle Field. Yes, the stadium holds more than most rural town populations in Texas.

Atrium at The Bush Library

Ball State also receives the Way to Hang Tough Award and Never Give Up Award. This is awarded even though the Aggies were four deep into their roster and I heard the Navasota Rattlers were about to suit up to finish the game.

The Young Frankenstein Award for It’s Alive! (as in the Big 12) goes to the Sooners of Oklahoma for defeating Tennessee in double OT.

The HEARD It Through the Grapevine Award goes to THE University of Texas at Austin. I think this is what the alumnae what to see. Don’t care if it was Rice. It built confidence. Stay Strong.

The Tumbling Tumbleweeds Award goes to every team who took a tumble in the rankings. Special Awards go to:

Oregon – Duck, Duck, SPARTAN!

The Corporal Maxwell Klinger, Holy Toledo Award goes to Toledo University for for turning Arkansas into bacon bits.

To the Georgia Bulldogs – A win over Vanderbilt and Miss America too!

And a special award goes to the wives and mothers of football players. I am calling this award The Penny Award because her husband played for LSU who defeated Mississippi State in the closing seconds. Next week her son’s team where he coaches, Northwestern State in Natchitoches, plays a really pissed off Bulldog team. Go Demons. And Penny? Go shopping and do not watch.

BTHO of Nevada. Who?

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Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged Alabama, Baylor, Big 12, college football, college football uniforms, ESPN, LSU, SEC, TCU, Texas A&M, The University of Texas

Friday, July 24, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Football and No Such Thing as a Free Lunch Any More

Posted on July 24, 2015 | 1 comment

Friday, July 24, 2015 – Snarky Friday – Football and No Such Thing as a Free Lunch Any More

So many topics from which to choose to snark about this Friday. We have El Strumpet – aka Tony Soprano – from the Genghis Khan School of Diplomacy on the Texas border. We have Captain Hairspray bully baiting him by calling him a “false prophet.” Did you mean “false profit?” And then we have Gooberner Abbott going after the Legislative Budget Board (LBB). If I recall it is the job and responsibility of the LBB, as defined by statute, is to oversee the budget process. Oh, well, all of that can go on Comedy Central.

In other budget related news, I see where AD Steve Patterson of The University of Texas has issued a new policy that limits the number of visits coaches can make to check upon their players. Under Patterson, coaches are only allowed 30 visits to the dining hall. If coaches exceed the number of visits, they must pay $10 for each visit out of their own pocket. And that does not look like it includes a meal. If a coach wants to dine during any of their visits, it is $19.50 a meal and no credit cards accepted. Cash on the Longhorn barrel head.

Texas claims that it was spending over $300,000 on coach and staff meals at the dining facilities. While $300,000 appears to be a significant amount, Texas took in over $161 million in revenue in 2014. It does not take John Wax math to see that $300,000 is a drop in the checkbook of the alumni that you appear to be angering, Stevie P.

I am having difficulty in understanding the sacrifice of quality coach/player time to save $300,000. The revenue for the Notre Dame game on the Notre Dame Network (NBC) will be greater than $300,000.

But if you are really that concerned about reducing the athletic budget, I am offering some cost saving ideas for your consideration.

Dispense with hotels and camp out at the Cotton Bowl for the Red River Rivalry.
Have some of the campus service organizations prepare sack lunches for the teams as their altruistic projects.
Dim the scoreboard at DKR Memorial Stadium if Texas is behind by more than three touchdowns in the 4th Quarter.
Have the team hitch hike to Waco to McLane Stadium.
Realign the Big 12 so you do not have to go to places like Ames, Iowa or Morgantown, West Virginia.
Sell more beer in Darrell K Royal Memorial Stadium.
Stop courting the Pac 12. With new revelations, you certainly cannot meet their academic standards now.
Sell Boykin for Heisman T-shirts outside Amon G. Carter Stadium in Fort Worth.

Here is my final thought for you Stevie P. I just saw yesterday’s Bleacher Report Preseason Top 25. Yes, meaningless, but still. Instead of concentrating on the number $300,000, I would concentrate on the means of getting The University of Texas back into some of those smaller numbers – like the Top 25. Hook ‘Em Hippies.