Monday October 12, 2015 – Columbus Day Monday After Saturday College Football Awards –
Our awards today are sponsored by the article “A” for those who become scared when they see large, unfamiliar words and stop reading.
The first award is the Class Act Award. This award goes to LSU’s Leonard Fournette for his articulate and well-done post-game interview showing his support for the people of South Carolina and offering his game jersey up for auction with proceeds going toward the flood relief efforts. Perhaps every impact player in the SEC could make an offer.
LSU wins the Best Southern Hospitality Award for being the Visiting Team in Baton Rouge. I thought it was most hospitable for the Tiger Band to play the Gamecock Alma Mater and Fight Song – Especially when you spelled L-S-U on the field while playing them. Sweet.
I suppose no one cared enough to notice last Friday that I got Lawrence and Manhattan, locations of Kansas and Kansas State, respectively, backwards. It obviously did not impact Baylor who gets a Most Points Scored Award for blowing away Kansas 66-7. I did not watch the game in its entirety. Did Kansas score during a Baylor timeout or before Baylor returned to the field after half-time? Note to Kansas – Basketball season officially begins next weekend.
TCU obviously was as confused as I was on Saturday since the Frogs did not show up ONCE again until the closing moments of the game. You win A Poo Poo Undies Award for scaring your fan base and an Activate the Boykin Magic Award. But the magic is becoming shaky causing a Poll Phrog Slipping.
To THE University of Texas, I award The Win One for the BEVO Award for beating Oklahoma. BEVO – I do hope you are feeling better because the team, the coach, THE University and the alums certainly are. Way to go. If you only do it once, this was the game to do it!
To the OU Kicker – Teal Shoes? Fashion Blooper Award going toed you!
The Offensive Fun Fest Award goes to Texas Tech and Iowa State for scoring 66 and 31 points respectively. Uncle Will Muschamp, have you looked at either of these schools? They don’t seem to play much defense either, so may you could be there.
Oklahoma State – you once again receive a Poo-Poo Undies Award to having to win it again in OT.
The Ugly Uniform Award goes to The University of Tennessee. I would never Volunteer to wear that. You looked like orange highlighters or characters from the science fiction movie Tron.
To the Nebraska Cornhuskers – you receive The Heartbreak Again Award for losing for the fourth time in the final seconds of the game as Wisconsin kicked a field goal.
The Individual Heartbreak Award goes to Georgia running back Nick Chubb. Hope you are back in action soon.
The Award for Suddenly on the Radar for teams I did not care about in the beginning, but do now is shared by the following:
- Michigan – Wolverine Rising.
- Utah – This is the non-Mormon, or Mormon Alternative to the other one – BYU.
- Clemson – Tigers
- Oklahoma State – 5 – 0. Go Pokes! Pistol Pete is silently slipping up on teams.
- Florida – Chomping in The Swamp.
And last and certainly not least this week for sure:
The Crimson Tide of Alabama rose over those pesky Razorbacks finally drowning them in fourth quarter to win 27-14. This week I award The Tide the Columbus Day, Rand McNally, MapQuest, GPS, and all Navigational Systems Award.
And all points are set toward College Station, Texas and Kyle Field. Your arrival time is estimated to be five days and 43 minutes. Turn left on George Bush Blvd. Your destination is the gigantic stadium on your right. Have a nice day.
And now a Dr. Hunter check for understanding. Our word today was the article “A.” Please give a word that begins with that letter.
Now use it in a sentence.
My brain is fried with all the awards to the point that I cannot possibly go back and reread the thought provoking text to remember them all. But LSU obtaining a nice guy award is amazing. My relatives have probably already fainted at hearing that. Yea, for basketball season approaching Kansas! And how did you come up with Poo Poo Undies Award? Your mother certainly did not say the word Poo Poo! Please leave the Bevo Bit and UT out of the awards program. I do not like UT but feel sorry for Bevo living life as a mascot for them. BTW I like the color teal and don’t care if Texh utilizes defense or not if they win. And finally, yes, Tennessee does look like orange highlighters running around and Arkansas is definitely a pesky bunch. My Cornhuskers…how could you?! Get with it. I love you corn guy on the sidelines!!!! Patiently, I wait like you for THE GAME! I hope to be watching only if I am not sailing!
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Oh my! The no defense is aimed at Auburn’s Defensive Coordinator, Will Muschamp. Not the Red Raiders who are indeed getting a defense and will be dangerous in coming games and future.
And the Cornhuskers – I share your pain. But to lose four games in the closing moments is hearbreaking.
Texas and Bevo – not a slam; a sincere “get well” to the old Horn.
And my mother and poo poo undies? According to her sisters, my sweet aunts, it took them several months to get her to say poo poo undies rather than Sh#$ undies. Seems I was picking up the language.