Category Archives: college football

Friday, September 8, 2017 – Snarky Friday Before College Football Saturday

Posted on September 8, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, September 8, 2017 – Snarky Friday Before College Football Saturday

The Snark of Friday is here and is very angry. To the person who send a letter of racial hatred and bigotry to the Sumlin Family: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Your behavior is disgusting and reprehensible.

Football is a game. College football is an opportunity for many young men to succeed on the field and off. To criticize a coach due to perceived coaching abilities and even to express the desire for a replacement are well within the boundaries of the game. Alumni do not pay for mediocrity. To attack a coach’s family with such vitriolic spewed hatred and then to end it with a threat, is wrong for any family.

From the statement issued by Texas A&M AD Scott Woodward, “We unequivocally condemn this disgusting and threating letter. There is no excuse for hatred and as a community; we will not allow the ignorance of some to intimidate any member of our community.”

To the sender of the letter: May a plague of poxes fall upon your house that brings swarming locusts and grasshoppers, mounds of fire ants, moles in your flower beds, bed bugs in your mattresses, roaches in every room and leaks in the roof throughout your house.

Now moving down field.

From last evening congratulations to Sammy Bearkat and the Boys from Sam Houston in the win over Prairie View A&M 44-31. Not quite enough scare for a Poopie Undies Award Sam, but I will give you Skids Award. Well done, PVA&M.

Our football evening begins tonight with Pistol Pete and the Oklahoma State Cowboys. We shall find the Pokes playing South Alabama at 7:00 on ESPN2. If I were any team from Alabama, I would be watching Oklahoma State – even you in Saban land.

Tomorrow begins at 9:00 with ESPN Game. One of my football goals is to get a selfie with Kirk Herbstreit. I think he is cute and when Fowler scared him last Halloween with a spider and he screamed like a girl, I knew I wanted to meet him.

Thank goodness, apparently no one I care about is playing at the ungodly hour of 11:00 AM.

Screen # 3 – So the day begins with TCU and Arkansas entertaining us in old Southwest Conference rematch at 2:30 on CBS. Go FROGS!

Screen # 2 – Opposite the Frogs and Pigs we find THE University of Texas Longhorns trying to see if they can answer the question “Do you know the way to San Jose?” Kick-off is at 2:30 in DKR Memorial Stadium with Texas versus San Jose State on the Long Horn Network.

Screen # 1 -On my main screen aka Living Room (as in there’s an elephant in the room) –

My friend Celeste and a pack of pachyderms.

will be#1  Alabama versus Fresno State at 2:30 on ESPN2 in Tuscaloosa. Hounds Tooth hats for everyone! ROLL TIDE!

On Fox Sports Southwest – At the truly beautiful McLane Stadium in Waco on the Brazos the Road Runners from University of Texas San Antonio meet Baylor @7:00. New Rhule: Do not take the Road Runners lightly and try not to look like Wiley Coyote like you did last week. Sic ‘Em Bears.

Pardon me Mike? Is that the Chattanooga Choo – choos?” Why yes, Mike, The Tiger, LSU plays Chattanooga at 6:30 on the SECN. The Chattanooga mascot is named after legendary football coach A.C. “Scrappy” Moore, Scrappy, the Chattanooga mascot, is a fixture for the Mocs. A re-design in 2008 puts Scrappy in the image of the State Bird of Tennessee, a Mockingbird. Thank goodness, I thought it might be a water moccasin. YUM. Cats like birds.

Not Relief Out shirts, but proceeds from these also go to Harvey relief efforts.

At 6:00 from Kyle Field we have a Relief Out game between Texas A&M v Nicholls State on ESPNU. All Harvey evacuees in the Brazos Valley were given free tickets. Fans will Relief Out the stadium by filling it with fans wearing Hurricane Harvey Relief shirts. All proceeds go to Harvey Relief efforts. Should provide an intimidating stadium for The Colonels. There will be more people in Kyle Field than live in Thibodaux, Louisiana.

Wearing Big Boy Uniforms playing big boy games we have the #13 Auburn Hair Color versus the # 3 Clemson Tigers @ 6:00 ESPN. Oh, both teams are the Tigers? Roll Tide.

On ABC at 6:30 we have the Sooners from “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the winds come sweeping down the plains” playing Ohio State Buckeyes. I am sorry. I do not know any Ohio State songs. If I get to meet Mr. Herbstreit, may he can me teach one.

Hope your team wins and

BTHO Nicholls State

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Monday, September 04, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards.

Posted on September 4, 2017 | 2 comments

Monday, September 04, 2017 – My Monday After College Football Awards.

Let’s begin. Every NCAA Division I team receives a Poopy Undies Award. It was definitely a Jalapeno by Morning for many.

As predicted the Ugliest Uniform goes to Maryland. Argyle patterns only look good on socks, sweaters and court jesters.

The Charlie Brown Award for Worse Kick goes to the punter of Wyoming for missing the entire ball.

The Hangover Award goes to the Texas Longhorns, the Baylor Bears and the Texas Aggies. Like the movie, we all woke up and wondered “what the hell happened last night?”

All three schools are also recipients of The Hoover Award because you sucked! Throw in the Big Disappointment Award.

It is a tie for The Most Inauspicious Coaching Debut – Texas’ Tom Herman and Baylor’s Matt Rhule. I somehow doubt the alumni from each school were comforted by the announcers of both games saying “this is a good teaching moment for …” for Herman and Rhule. I am pretty sure they were expecting winning moments rather than teaching moments. I think teaching moments are called practice.

I am awarding the UCLA quarterback, Josh Rosen, The Timex Award. He took a licking, but kept on ticking.

The Clock is Ticking Award goes to Texas A&M Head Coach, Kevin Sumlin.

The Aloe Award goes to the entire Texas A&M Coaching Staff and especially the Defense. You got burned!

And the Still Number One Award goes to Alabama. Roll Tide! To Nick Saban: Do you have any assistants who want to move up to a head coaching position? I imagine there will be an opening after the Tide visits College Station if not sooner. I hear Coach Sumlin’s house has a pool.

I am giving up football. I am going to follow curling and synchronized swimming instead.

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, September 1, 2017 – Snarky Friday College Football

Posted on September 2, 2017 | 1 comment

Friday, September 1, 2017 – Snarky Friday College Football

It’s Howdy Doodie Time; It’s Snarky Friday Time; The football season’s here; so let’s all stand and cheer.

For any freshmen (and women) to HWIT, Fridays and Mondays are dedicated to college football. I write about teams I like and teams that play teams I like.

Football fans got a little taste last night. First to the Oklahoma State Cowboys Granted you did not play a power house hosting Tulsa, but Pistol Pete and the team looked pretty sharp. I have been to Daddy Boone Stadium in Stillwater.

They play this video clip with Kurt Russell and then scream “and we’re coming with it when the Oklahoma State logo appears.” They might just be doing it this year.

Since the Oklahoma State game was over at the end of the first quarter, I turned to the Ohio State/Indiana game. Monday is the official day of awards, but I must give Ohio State University the first 2017 Poopie Undies Award. The Buckeyes really looked like #2 in the first half and I am not referring to their ranking. Wonder what Urban said at halftime?

We kick off tomorrow with the longhorns and terrapins (aka turtles)

when THE University of Texas plays Maryland on FS1 @ 11: 00. The Maryland school mascot is an anthropomorphic (means it ain’t a real animal) turtle named “Testudo.” The official team colors are red, white, black, and gold, derived from the Maryland state flag. This usually results in a disastrous uniform combination, but we shall see.

This game is opposite the Oklahoma University Sooners and the University of Texas @ El Paso Miners on Fox. I hate 11:00 games. Note to self: stock up on bloody Mary supplies.

There are games throughout the day on Saturday but we are waiting for night fall. At 6:00 on FSports 2 we find the Baylor Bears opening against Liberty Flames. The Baylor team is the Bears and the Liberty teams is the Flames. The mascot of Baylor is a bear. The mascot of Liberty is anthropomorphic (means it ain’t a real animal.) eagle named Sparky.

I will certainly have The Baptist Bowl on another screen of house, but all eyes will be on ABC at 7:00 when #1 Alabama meets #3 Florida State University. Having been heavily influenced by Louisiana football as a child, I learned “never pull for a team from Florida.”

This is a reminder to my Tide Rolling Friends to be sure to have an adequate supply of alcohol, antacids and smelling salts. Text me if you need assistance controlling your breathing. ROLL TIDE.

On the third screen of my house, coming to you from New Orleans, Louisiana, thanks to Harvey, we have a game of two cats when LSU meets BYU. This is your annual reminder that BYU’s mascot is a Cougar. They are not the BYU Mormons.

Sunday brings two games of special interest since I have papers on the wall from both schools.

At 6:30 on Fox Sports the Fighting Texas Aggies meet the UCLA Bruins in the Rose Bowl. Note to self: double liquor store order. Texas doesn’t sell liquor on Sunday. This game will determine which head coach has the hottest seat next week.

At 7:00 on ESPNU Sam Houston State plays Richmond University. Thank you Baylor nation for allowing the game to be held in McLane Stadium. Did you know that Richmond is the only NCAA school whose mascot is a spider. The spider’s name is WebstUR. I hope the mascot is also anthropomorphic.

I never give alma mater # 2 Sam Houston enough play so I have prepared a special cheer:

Arachnid! Arachnid! Arachnid a spinning

Look on the scoreboard and see who’s a winning!

Gooooooo! BearKats!

And

BTHO UCLA – Gig’ Em Aggies!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

Thursday, August 31, 207 – It’s Just a Game But

Posted on August 31, 2017 | Leave a comment

Thursday, August 31, 207 – It’s Just a Game But

COLLEGE FOOTBALL! It’s just a game, but it is such a welcome diversion to the continuing events resultant from Hurricane Harvey. Please continue thoughts and prayers as many coaches’ and players’ families throughout Texas have been impacted.

Thank you to the football teams all over the country paying tribute to Texas with the decals on their helmets and jerseys. Thank you to the colleges and universities and their organizations aiding in the relief efforts in so many ways. Let us now find some joy in football.

If you have been following HWIT, you are aware that during football season I write about teams I like and teams that play teams that I like. This year I am adding two teams that I did not write about last year. One is the East Tennessee Buccaneers. My cousin, Daryl Daye, is defensive coach there. Please wish him well. For you, LSU fans this is Donnie’ son.

My LSU commemorative shirt signed by Heisman Trophy winner, Billy Cannon and his blocking back, my cousin Donnie Daye. RIP Donnie.

http://www.etsubucs.com/athletics/staff/9190/daryl-daye/

My new other team is the Eagles of the University of North Texas. Adopted great nephew, Andre, made the team as a walk on. So proud of you Andre. Keep up the hard work.

But tonight the big boys are under the lights. Tonight we kick off with Oklahoma State v Tulsa at 6:30 on FS1. GO POKES!

You can alternate between that game and Ohio State vs Indiana on ESPN 7:00. These two are currently on my DNC (Do Not Care) List, but if one plays a team I like, expect more comments.

Tomorrow is the first Official Snarky Friday of the season. See you then.

 

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Posted in Coach Kevin Sumlin, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

August 21, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards

Posted on August 21, 2017 | 2 comments

August 21, 2017 – Monday After College Football Awards

This time next Monday there will actually be awards to be handed out in my Monday After College Football Awards.

Since it has been a seemingly eternity since there was college football, let us review some of these prestigious awards that I make up for the football faithful followers.

The Ugliest Uniforms goes to the team(s) that appear in yellow highlighters, glow in the dark stripes or designs, and any shade of orange. These are designed by the Hellen Keller, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder departments at Nike, Adidas and Under Armor.

Ugliest Helmets Awards have their own category. If I am unable to determine the design on the helmet it is very likely that team will receive an Ugliest Helmet Award.

The Hot Seat Award is given to the coach whose coaching seat is questionable each week. The number one hot seat is currently occupied by Texas A&M Coach, Kevin Sumlin. The number two hot seat is occupied by UCLA Coach, Jim Mora. These two coaches and teams meet in the Rose Bowl on September 3.

Many teams often receive the weekly Poo Poo Undies Award. This trophy is awarded to the fans whose teams survive a game winning field goal, a missed Hail Mary pass to the end zone and/or survive in overtime.

There are the Exploding Coaches Awards. These usually go to Alabama’s Nick Saban for throwing the headphones or South Carolina’s Uncle Will Muschamp just because his face turns really red. Maybe it is an SEC thing.

Of course there will be my Best and Worst Broadcasters Awards. It will be difficult to upset my always Best Broadcaster Boyfriend, Kirk Herbstreit and the fellows from ESPN Game Day (Not the old man!). But with Brent Mushburger silent this year, the Worse Broadcaster is a wide open category. I am expecting Jesse Palmer to be a contender. He and those who relive their days on the gridiron from decades ago instead of calling the plays all have chance.

This year I am introducing a new award. It is called The Big Solid Pass Interception for Touchdown Award. There are actually two awards. One is given to the linebacker or safety that intercepts the quarterback’s pass and runs for a touchdown.

The second award is given to the fan base whose team throws the interception to the linebacker or safety and cusses the loudest and in the most colorful language.

Of course there will awards for the zebra people, the various mascots, chants and yells and anything else I can think of. After all, it is called Here’s What I’m Thinking.

So as we say in Aggieland – Howdy Dammit! And Thank God It’s Football Season. Gig ‘Em!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Posted on August 18, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, August 18, 2017 – Snarky Friday Football

Before the Snark enters, let us all take a moment to send our thoughts and prayers to the people of Spain. Not to exclude any group, but please watch over the Texas Aggie Women’s basketball team and all of the other teams visiting Europe.

And now appearing in regal snarkiness, here is The Snark to dish on college football.

I can’t wait for the Ugliest Uniforms for the Week Award this year. Here is putting Mississippi State on notice that the Aggies will be wearing color changing uniforms. That’s right. It is some kind of weird threads that the Adidas people dreamed up that allegedly changes from maroon to black and then glows depending on the stadium lights. I hope this works better than last year’s attempt to make the numbers glow and no one, including the broadcasters could see the numbers.

But we are still 25 days away from some of the first kick offs. I am happy the Sam Houston Bearkats open their season this month. SHSU is ranked #3 behind James Madison and North Dakota in that division’s polls. JM and ND have combined to the win the last National Championships. Go Kats! Beat the hell out of the Richmond, Spiders. Yes, the mascot of Richmond is a spider.

Let The Snark provide a summer summary of players. Here is what has happened during college football thus far this summer. He:

Transferred to:

  • A Junior College
  • Another school to go to graduate school
  • The county jail.

He hurt his:

Leg, knee, foot, shoulder, toe etc.

He was picked up for:

  • DUI
  • Passed out in flower bed in bar district
  • Assault
  • Assault and battery
  • Assault with a battery
  • Theft
  • Drug use
  • Drug possession
  • Illegal weapon possession
  • Being stupid and throwing away opportunities!

My apologies that The Snark only has time to cover the summary of the players from Florida schools. Roll Tide over Florida State. BOOM! And Snark out!

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Posted in Alabama, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, August 11, 2017 – Snarky Football Friday

Posted on August 11, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, August 11, 2017 – Snarky Football Friday

In less than a month, Snarky Friday becomes official. Until college football kickoff we must deal with what little Snark information there is. But let us begin anyway.

Last year’s shrine for the Aggie Alabama game.

The college football polls are being released. I think the pollsters picked Alabama first, then some combination of Ohio State, Michigan, Clemson, Washington in the top five. The remaining twenty schools were names drawn from a helmet.

For example, listed in the top 25 centering on numbers 23, 24 or 25 depending on the poll, we have THE UNIVERSITY of Texas. I actually hope Herman and the Horns can make a good run. Amazing what hope a name and big bucks can bring. Reminder: Last year your record was 3-7 overall and 3-6 in the Big 12 Conference so it is going to require much work. May I reminder the Bevo Boosters that Number 1. You are in the Big 12 Conference with Kansas, Iowa State and Texas Tech. Obviously you have repressed those games. Maybe this game too.

Last year’s headlines – Oklahoma State vs THE University of Texas

Number 2 you must play Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, K-State and West Virginia who are all ranked above you. But Hook ‘Em Hippies. I guess it too early to say “Wait until next year” when it will be more realistic.

Ranking the Horns at Number 23 is as stupid as ranking the Aggies at number 25. All about that name, right? But at least the schools ahead of the Aggies are in the powerful SEC and one of them will win the SEC Championship and the Football National Championship. Roll Tide or Geaux Tigers and no, The Aggies are not interested in playing the Burnt Orange or any other color of orange for that matter. If the Aggies are going to have time run out before we can win, we like to have it happen with quality teams. Snark out.

Tailgating last year.

BTHO UCLA!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!

Posted on August 4, 2017 | 2 comments

Friday, August 4, 2017 – Everything’s Coming Up Football – IT’S TODAY!!!

College football season officially begins today as teams begin practice. I am so excited I am going to get a penalty for excess celebration. I chose a song to celebrate.

The version of the song is sung by Tony Award winner,Patti LuPone, from the 2008 Broadway revival of Gypsy. In fact her second Tony Award was for Gypsy.

There is not a great deal of action in the video. Rather it is Ms. LuPone’s powerful voice that captures the moment. Click on the YouTube and scroll down and sing along. I took the liberty of changing a few words here and there.

https://youtu.be/Wop8yyVcgY8

I had a dream, a dream about you, baby. It’s gonna come true, baby. They think that we’re through, but baby…

You’ll be swell! You’ll be great! Gonna have the whole world on the TV! Starting here, starting now, Honey, everything’s coming up football!

Clear the fields! Check the refs! You’ve got nothing to do but relax.

Gig ‘Em Ags!

Roll Tide Roll! Honey, everything’s coming up football!

Now’s your timing; Stand the world on it’s ear! Set it spinning! That’ll be just the beginning!

Sic ‘Em Bears! Go Pokes Go! You got nothing to fear but OU!

You’ll be swell. You’ll be great. I can tell. Just you wait. That lucky star I talk about is due! Honey, everything’s coming up football for me and for you!

You can do it. All you need is a band. We can do it, Twelfth Man is gonna see to it!

LSU!

 

Hook ‘Em Horns! We got nothing to hit but the heights! I can tell, wait and see. There’s the bell! Follow me!

And nothing’s gonna stop us ’til we’re through! Honey, everything’s coming up football and trophies,Everything’s coming up sunshine and Saturdays, Everything’s gonna be bright lights and bowl games,

Everything’s coming up football for me and for you!

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Posted in Alabama, Coach Kevin Sumlin, Coach Nick Saban, College Football, college football, Education, humor, LSU, Misc., Native Texan, Texas Aggies

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Friday, July 28, 2017 – Snarky Friday – the last Friday of July. The Return of College Football – Please Hurry!

Posted on July 28, 2017 | Leave a comment

Friday, July 28, 2017 – Snarky Friday – the last Friday of July. The Return of College Football – Please Hurry!

Tomorrow is another Saturday with no college football.I am beginning to worry about myself. I hope I can make it. The withdrawal symptoms are serious. At least in February there was basketball,

 

Two Texas A&M Graduates and One Outstanding basketball player – Curtyce Knox.

then baseball and softball to get me through the spring. But the summer months have been brutal.

 

For the past two months on Saturday nights I have watched the entire season of National Geographic’s Big Pacific on the PBS Channel. The PBS CHANNEL! Last Saturday’s Season Finale was called “Big Pacific – Reproduction.”

About midway through the hour of underwater wonder, I thought to myself – I am watching fish fornicate. I know there is a better alliteration, but I’m trying to keep it clean. I am watching fish porn. I am pitiful.

How many more days until kick off?

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Posted in college baseball, college basketball, College Football, college football, Education, humor, Native Texan, Politics, Texas Aggies

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