Category Archives: Misc.

Friday, December 9, 2016 – How Bout Them Applewhites? Or Good Things Come to He that Waits and Sammy Bearkat!!!

Posted on December 9, 2016 | Leave a comment

Friday, December 9, 2016 – How Bout Them Applewhites? Or Good Things Come to He that Waits and Sammy Bearkat!!!

What is the mascot of James Madison University? Happy Snarky Friday. Congratulations to Major Applewhite! The University of Houston announced the Offensive Coordinator will now be the Head Coach of the Cougars. Good move, Coogs!

However, tonight on ESPN2 at 6:00 pm the best football team in Texas will play  James Madison University in the quarter finals of the FCS playoffs.

SAM HOUSTON STATE UNIVERSITY!!! GOOOO BEARKATS!

http://www.gobearkats.com/SportSelect.dbml?SPID=11345&SPSID=92955

This promises to be an aerial attack with both teams averaging around 50 points per game. Sam Houston is the lone unbeaten team remaining in the FCS and is joined by Western Michigan (13-0) and Alabama (13-0) as the only unblemished teams in all of Division I football.

The mascot of James Madison University is Dukes Dog or just Dukes. I do not know why. You can Google on your own. See you in Frisco, Texas, Kats!

Buddy Glasses

Buddy T. Cat – (T. stands for The.) Photo by me.

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Posted in College Football, Education, humor, Misc., Native Texan

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Thursday, December 8, 2016 – Aunt Bureaucrat’s Words of Wisdom.

Posted on December 8, 2016 | Leave a comment

Thursday, December 8, 2016 – Aunt Bureaucrat’s Words of Wisdom.

“When you’re up to your a$$ in alligators, you forget that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.”

beach-2011-080-800x600

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Thursday, December 1, 2016 – Need a Unique Gift for Christmas? Or Maybe Celeste’s Birthday? Want to Buy an Elephant?

Posted on December 1, 2016 | Leave a comment

Thursday, December 1, 2016 – Need a Unique Gift for Christmas? Or Maybe Celeste’s Birthday? Want to Buy an Elephant?

I am on my way to spend the day with my favorite sister. She and I plus other family members are in the process of downsizing again. That is the polite way to say we are going through boxes and saying things such as: “Where did all this junk comes from?” And more importantly “What in the heck are we going to do with it?”

This takes us to gifts and let us address the elephant in the room, or in this case the over 100 elephants in the storage unit.

It all started when this fabulous woman, let’s call her, Celeste – began to collect elephants – not the real ones – at least not to my knowledge.

celeste-and-the-elephants

Then many of her students – also known as Cherubs – began to collect elephants. This includes one of Celeste’s original Cherubs, my sister. At the time of this writing, we are not certain of the inventory of elephants in storage, but the number of boxes marked “Elephants” gives me pause.

Our current idea is this to sell them as gifts. Let me know if you are interested in purchasing an elephant. I am certain we can make you a Christmas bargain – this entire box for only $1.00 and it is BOGO!

The alternative is: If ya’ll don’t buy these elephants Celeste and Tarvah are going to be so surprised on Christmas morning when Santa leaves them on their doorstep. I think an elephant in your camera range, T, will add much to your fabulous wildlife photos.

 

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Posted in humor, Misc.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016 – Decorate! Decorate! Dance to the Music.

Posted on November 29, 2016 | 1 comment

Tuesday, November 29, 2016 – Decorate! Decorate! Dance to the Music.

Does anyone remember when I lived in the duplex in Panorama? Plastic lawn ornaments were the lawn decoration of the day. My deeply devout Catholic neighbor placed a lighted plastic Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus in the monkey grass between our houses. Baby Jesus’ light shorted out and blinked on and off nightly as if giving random communications to aliens. Maybe it was.

Here are some other lawn ornaments for your consideration – courtesy of me and Lowes.

What says Christmas more than Snoopy sitting on the fireplace burning his butt?snoopy-snowman-800x450

Notice to the right there is the brown snowman – snow person.  I think this is for people of color or those who live in highly polluted areas. It could also the parson brown from the song “… in the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is parson brown.”

In this lovely latex scene we have the Big Foot snowman descending on Santa Claus and the reindeer.santa-and-snow-man-800x450

But my favorite, in keeping with season is the inflatable nativity scene. nativity-800x450

If you examine closely, Mary’s headwear resembles the little paper top you are given when you get a mammogram. One must use their imagination and Sunday school experiences and not think the BJ looks like a small box of pampers.

The reindeer on the roof is from the Big Foot eating Santa display, but does add a certain element to the display. Up on the roof top, reindeer pause…

It is the placements of the lights that baffle me. Mary’s right breast and Joseph’s nether region appear to be lit. Given rain, squirrels and neighborhood mischief with BB guns, it is entirely possible electrical issues could occur. This creates unanticipated light shows that resemble random communications with aliens.

Then again, random communication with aliens with THE LIGHT is what it was all about in the first place. So light ‘em up and decorate, decorate and dance to the music.

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Wednesday, November 23, 2016 – Three Rules of Life

Posted on November 23, 2016 | Leave a comment

Wednesday, November 23, 2016 – Three Rules of Life

Here are three rules of life by Mr. R. E. Duffey – aka Honeyboy or Brother

  1. Tell at least one person every day that you appreciate them.
  2. Whatever it is, if you have faith, it will all work out.
  3. Whatever the situation, there is always lots to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving

Fall (800x530)

Soldotna, Alaska 2014 – Photo by me.

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Posted in Misc., Uncategorized

Monday, November 21, 2016 -The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards and the Best College Team Football Team in Texas

Posted on November 21, 2016 | Leave a comment

Monday, November 21, 2016 -The Monday after Saturday College Football Awards and the Best College Team Football Team in Texas

Let’s begin with the UGLY Awards and there are many to be awarded.

First Place Ugly Award for really ugly is presented to THE University of Texas who somehow lost to a one (1) and nine (9) Kansas team in overtime no less. Perhaps it was those ugly blue bunting bird looking uniforms KU wore. (Thank you Dr. K.) The last time THE University of Texas lost to Kansas was 1938. Write that on your Rock Chalk, Jayhawk sidewalk.

The Star-Kist Tuna Award – Sorry, Charlie – is awarded to Head Coach Charlie Strong of The University of Texas. I sincerely thought and hoped it would be a good fit for all. The good news is that lots of coaches have FOR SALE signs in their front yards too with more coming soon.

With a possible FOR SALE sign in his yard, we have the Second Place Ugly Award presented to Texas Tech for losing to Iowa State 66 -10.Tech scored when the Iowa State women’s soccer team took over in the fourth quarter.

Third Place Ugly Award is presented to Baylor University losing to K-State 42-21.

Fourth Place Ugly Award is presented to the Texas Aggies for surviving 23-10 against The University of Texas @ San Antonio.

This presents a distinct possibility that Texas A&M and Baylor will meet in the We Suck Bowl to be played in a big high school stadium somewhere between Houston and Dallas.

In Other Awards

The Cat that Ate the Cardinal Award goes to The University of Houston Cougar(s) who ate the Cardinals of Louisville 36 to 10 spoiling all Louisville hopes for a big bowl and maybe Lamar’s Heisman hopes. Nice cat smile, Shasta.

The Snow Globe Game Award– Snow U/OU Award goes to OU vs. W.Va. – OU 56 West Virginia 28. I am glad OU wore red pants with their white jerseys; otherwise one would have lost them in the snow and on the field after it stopped snowing. West Virginia still was unable to find them on the field – red pants and all.

The Taste like Chicken Award goes Pistol Pete and the Cowboys of Oklahoma State as they dined on frog legs defeating TCU 31-6.

This sets up the Big 12 Conference Title to be determined at Bedlam next week. Notice: neither of the schools is in Texas.

Michigan and Ohio State both receive Poopy Undies Awards with Ohio State escaping Michigan State 17 to 16. Michigan had more difficulty than anticipated winning over Indiana 20 to 10.

This sets up The Big Ten Title game between Ohio State and Michigan next week. I am going with the team that wears ugly helmets.

The Thanks for Participating Awards go to Alabama and Auburn. Both teams won handily, but both should have against Cupcake We’ll Take the Gate Receipts schools. This sets up the Iron Bowl next week. Roll Tide.

The Longest Yard Award goes to Florida for stopping LSU on the goal line on fourth and one to defeat the tigers and win the SEC East. Score: Florida – 16 to LSU – 10. Yea. Guess who’s coming to College Station for Thanksgiving Dinner?

It was definitely a week of ugly in Texas football. But there is one bright orange spot coming out of Huntsville, Texas.

The best football school currently in the state of Texas is the #5 Sam Houston State University Bearkats. The Bearkats are undefeated for the second time in program history and will host the winner of Weber State and Chattanooga on Saturday, Dec. 3 at 2 p.m. from Bowers Stadium.

http://www.gobearkats.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=92955&SPID=11345&DB_LANG=C&ATCLID=211310989&DB_OEM_ID=19900

Perhaps there is National Champion Football Shirt from one of my alma maters in my future after all.

Texas Flag @ Sunset (800x600)

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Saturday, November 19, 2016 – Those Hippies on a Bicycle – The Ruin of All Social Order

Posted on November 19, 2016 | 1 comment

Saturday, November 19, 2016 – Those Hippies on a Bicycle – The Ruin of All Social Order

I just finished this book. It is a light history filled with how the two-wheeler changed and influenced the world. Below is one of my favorite passages.

Margaret Guroff – The Mechanical Horse – How the Bicycle Reshaped American Life, pgs. 121-122.

By the 1960’s, the specter of the slick-haired, leather-jacketed juvenile delinquent had been replaced by a fearsome new teenage minority: the hippie, whose hallucinogens, campus activities, psychedelic music and improvisational hygiene threated to destroy the social order. Critics blamed the generation’s wildness on parental overindulgence – such as handing out bikes to our children without requiring work in exchange “We have given our children a free ride since the day they were born, and now we can’t understand why they demand so much,” opined the California philanthropist Mrs. George Buccola in 1967. “We gave them that bicycle.”

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Photo by Gniece #3 – Blair. Taken in front of my house. I am screaming “How do I stop?” But, you really don’t forget how to ride.

Happy Saturday and BTHO UTSA!

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Thursday, November 16, 2016 – Jonathan Swift , Ignatius J. Reilly and Me

Posted on November 17, 2016 | 2 comments

Thursday, November 16, 2016 – Jonathan Swift , Ignatius J. Reilly and Me

Thank you to my government employee friends and the literary people especially us liberal arts folks – especially Brit Lit and Grit Lit majors. You recognized yesterday’s quote from Swift’s Thoughts on Various Subjects written about the British monarch George I and published around 1726.

And yes, regardless of political leanings it is said with every transitional period of government and has since the 18th century when Swift wrote about the rise of Parliament and decline of the monarchy when the sun never sat on the British Empire.

Speaking of centuries, here is another great quote from John Kennedy Toole’s outstanding, laugh out loud and well deserved Pulitzer Prize winning book about Nawlins, Louisiana – From A Confederacy of Dunces:

“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.” Ignatius J. Reilly.

So me!

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Here’s to the beginning of The Silly Season – the filing of bills in the Texas Legislature. Photo by me.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2016 – Job Vacancies – Now Hiring!

Posted on November 16, 2016 | 3 comments

Wednesday, November 16, 2016 – Job Vacancies – Now Hiring!

Employer: President Elect Donald Trump and the Trumpets Transitional Team

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Galveston – 2011 – Photo by me.

Number of vacancies: Approximately 4000 positions available from clerical staff to upper management levels.

Job Location: West Wing, White House, Washington D. C.

Education Requirements: None required beyond high school or GED

Work Experience: None required

Pay Grade: Entry level

Note: Not an equal opportunity employer. People of color, alternate life styles, and other religions and beliefs besides evangelicals need not apply.

“When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.” Jonathan Swift

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Austin graffiti wall – 2013 – Photo by me.

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Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Posted on November 14, 2016 | 1 comment

Monday, November 14, 2016 – My Monday After Saturday College Football Awards

Ship wreck 4

GLOOM! DISPAIR! And AGONY!

Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water, the rankings in college football were shuffled like a cheap deck of bicycle playing cards.

Please note: No Poopy Undies Awards will be given today. At this point we are just going to go with the Oh Crap! Awards and every team, coach and fan receives one.

The first Oh Crap Award goes to every team that has played Alabama for the last four years as The Tide Rolls. Note: to Bama Fans – I only went back to Coach Sabin and did not count The Bear or G. Stallings or any of those the school claims and are recognized before playoffs when you were #1. Just so many. To The Crimson Tide – Congratulations for securing the SEC West. Roll Tide.

Other awards for teams are as follows. Let’s start with the Small (and getting smaller) 12 Conference teams.

First, to Baylor and Seth Russell here is a sincere heal soon wish. The BU QB gets the Joe Theisman Award for sustaining a stomach turning leg/ankle injury. You know it is bad when players from both sides jump up from the tackle pile screaming for help. But you really know it is bad when TV will not show the replay and the announcers are about to throw up.

In addition Baylor lost the game to OU 24 to 45. BU wins the Kiss Your Good Bowl Game Goodbye Award. Baker Mayfield is only a junior?

THE University of Texas wins the award for Not Quite Heaven, West Virginia for coming up short 24-20. The Exploding Head Coach Award goes the West Virginia’s Dana Holgorsen and the referee who refused to grant his time out request.

The Tortilla TECH kicker wins the What’s the Point Award? For missing the point after try and allowing the Oklahoma State Cowboys to escape with a one point victory – 44-45. Bedlam should be most interesting – especially since it could be for The Big 12 Championship. NOTE: Not a happy face emoticon for a team NOT from Texas winning.

The Tigers of LSU win the Bacon and Roller Skates Award for rolling over Arkansas and continuing to roll along in the SEC WEST. LSU and Arkansas 38 to10.   Can we skip Thanksgiving in College Station this year?

The Clean up on Aisle Week 11 and Pepto Dismal Awards go:

Auburn – for being upset by Georgia 13 to 7. Of course any team that plays Auburn is my favorite team. Go DAWGS!

The team formerly #2 Clemson wins the It’s the Pitts Award. The kicker for Pitt wins a That’s the Point Award for making a 48 yard field goal with 5 seconds left to play.

The team formerly # 3 Michigan loses 13 to 14 over Iowa. Iowa wins The Pittsburg Steelers Look Alike Uniforms Award. The kicker for Iowa wins a That’s the Point Award! for kicking the winning field goal to upset Michigan in the final seconds.

And on the West Coast the USC Trojans of California were high and happy by upsetting the team formerly # 4 Washington 26-13. The Huskies’ dog house might be damaged for a chance at playoffs.

The November to Dismember Award goes to the Texas A&M and Ole Miss game and everybody associated with it beginning with:

Number One. Whose bright idea was it at the SEC Network to not only let Brent Mushmouth call the Aggie/Ole Miss game, but to let him work alone the first half? It made me almost glad when Jesse Palmer joined him. At least he could call (maybe even see) the correct names and numbers of the players. Brent, if you are so “glad to be back in Texas and College Station” please learn to correctly pronounce the names of the towns in Texas.

Number Two. Texas A&M and Ole Miss – Hotty Toddy Tequila Shotty!

Number Three. The Just in Time for Christmas the Collapsible Defense Doll. This doll works like a charm until the 4th quarter. Then it lies down, collapses and dies.

Number Four. The Q&A with Coach Chavis – did you fall asleep during the fourth quarter? Was it Irritable Bowel Syndrome? What the hell happened? Whatever it was it was stinky! A true freshman, just unred-shirted quarterback playing his first game and IN KYLE FIELD in front of over 100,000!! I am awarding you the Ricky Ricardo Award because “Oh Lucy! You got some splaining to do!”

As always, “Texas Aggies, down in Aggieland; we’ve got spirit – to the man; STAND UNITED that’s the Aggie theme; we’re the 12th Man on the Team…”

Twelfth Man (800x600)

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